Connections

Here's Chapter 2 of Connection which I began half a year ago...enjoy!

--------- CHAPTER 2 ---------

I kept on thinking about what just happened two nights ago, wondering if it was true. I kept replaying it over and over again in my mind trying to decide if it was a really good thing or a bad thing for me, I still couldn't believe that it HAPPENED. One of the biggest moments in my life took place that night, and even though I was totally happy about what happened, I was still unsure about other stuff. Like umm...was that kiss kind of like an agreement that meant we were boyfriends? Does he have other boyfriends I don't know about? I mean, I KNOW that he never went out with a girl before, but a guy...hmmm...I never asked him that question before. I need to know if he's a hundred percent gay. I know he can't be totally a hundred, even I'm not a hundred percent gay, but I just want to know if he has a thing for girls too!

While thinking about it halfway through my fifth period class, I gazed toward the person I admired most. By his look, I knew Philip didn't have a single clue what our math teacher was talking about. I didn't know or care what the teacher was talking about either. All I could think about was him. Who could ever believe that he's gay? Well, maybe some people may think he's gay since he acts too sweet to be straight, but overall, I don't think anyone would guess instantly...it's not like he wears it on his sleeves. And he's mine! That's the best thing about all of this!

He glanced back to look at me and made this sweet serene smile that made me sit straight in my chair. Then he looked back at the board trying to figure out the equations and copy them down. I laid my head on the desk and covered my face with my hands so no one would see me smiling. My head was floating and I couldn't feel anything except a weird gutty, but good feeling inside my chest. Suddenly someone tapped me from behind and I quickly rose up, coming back to reality, and turned around. Leo, who was behind me, looked at me and half smiled. He whispered, "You okay?"

I frowned and nodded furiously before turning around to look at the back of Philip's head. In a matter of seconds, my mind flashed back to the events that happened that night again. I could still remember how his lips gave me a weird electric sensation on my lips, and how it felt so soft and gentle. I could also remember how he smiled after kissing me. He looked like an angel without wings. His hazel eyes sparkled from the moonlight and his sweet smile made me feel like I was the king of his heart.

The bell rang for the last time, and as always, everyone was delighted that school was over. All the exhausted students grabbed their belongings and dashed straight to their lockers. I was still stuck in the room with a few students including Philip, who was almost done packing his stuff. Leo was standing behind me like a guard waiting for me to finish. As I stood, I saw Philip on the other side of the room stand up too, carrying his backpack over his shoulder.

Conversations and such buzzed around while I followed Philip down the hall. Leo went the other way since his locker wasn't on the same floor as ours. I guess having a secret to the world kind of made me feel afraid. To be safe, I didn't walk with Philip shoulder to shoulder and I didn't gaze at him like I was proud of having him or something. I guess Philip was doing the same thing since he didn't once look at me or smile.

These 'precautions' ended as soon as we left the school premises. Once we left the school, avoiding Leo and all the other people there, we were smiling at each other. While we were waiting for the bus, we sat on the bench close to each other not minding if anyone could see. We went to his house since it was closer to reach than mine. When we got there we went straight to his bedroom and sat down on his small couch. He smiled sitting close to me. He asked, "Can I kiss you?"

I laughed and jokingly said, "You can, but I won't let you."

"Oh why not?" he asked with this puppy-dog look on his face. I giggled and I laid my legs on the remaining space beside me. One of his arms flung out of nowhere and wrapped around my body pulling me closer to him while he laid one of his legs over my thighs. I giggled and gave him a peck on his lips. He grinned and blushed madly, "I thought you don't want me to kiss you."

"Exactly!"

"I don't get it," he said smiling.

I giggled while I shook my head. "I was just kidding around."

He grinned and held my head with his hand and planted a sweet kiss on my lips. We both smiled and gazed at each other's eyes totally falling into a deep smoochfest. There we were trying to relieve our teen hormones by just going at each other until we heard a door slam downstairs. We tried to stop, like totally, but every time I'd try to get off, it's like there was some kind of magnetic attraction between us. I'd end up getting over him kissing him madly while he tried to pull me closer to him. I tried to pull myself out but he'd pull me back in and we did this weird humping motion, but the slower kind. I gasped and I managed to get off of him and up to his bed which was kind of a bad idea since our hormones were in over drive and now I'm on the bed with my legs wide apart. Is that a bad sign? He stood up and gave this insecure smile while he kept his hands on his waist and bit his bottom lip.

"Someone's downstairs."

I giggled getting off of his bed kissing him one last time on his lips. This time, it wasn't sexual or anything. Maybe like a friendly kiss. "What's that suppose to mean?"

"It's just that...you were kind of wanting a bit more than what I really..."

Then just all of a sudden, someone opened the door and there was this guy that really looked like Philip ...just a bit taller and had a jock jacket. I gazed at Philip who was looking at him half smiling and half-shocked. Philip said, "Hey bro..."

Leo bounced the ball up against the ceiling and it came straight down slamming him in his face. He winced in pain, but I kind of didn't pay any attention to him. He got up and got some tissues from the top of my TV to cover his nose. He groaned, "Oh man, I made my nose bleed."

"That's good, you deserve it anyway," I said trying to move Leo's legs from blocking the TV. He came back to the bed dropping some of the tissues that were filled with blood. "What's with up you anyway?"

"Nothing's up! Philip never told me he had a brother! I'm so pissed at him!"

"You don't know how happy I am to hear that you're pissed at someone I really don't like! But really, I'll hit myself later for what I've got to say about this...who the f--- cares if he has a brother? I mean it's not like you're both married! And plus I never told you about Clarrissa, and you didn't get pissed when you met her and when she said that I talk about you to her...oh geez...I think it's your time of the month," he said running to the washroom with tons of tissues covering his nose. I helped him to flushing cold water over his nose. We continued our conversation inside the washroom. He sat on the floor leaning against the wall that was in front of me while I helped him out with his nose problem.

"About that brother crisis thing...guess you're right. I'm overreacting about this silly shit...there...bounce that basketball again and I'll kill you," I said after drying up his nose and handing him more tissues. He tried to smile but yipped when he triggered more pain in his nose. While Leo rubbed his nose I explained, "It's a good thing he doesn't know I was pissed at him about it."

"All thanks to me huh? Grrreeeaaattt! So anyway give me more infos about his brother? Is he as lame as Philip?" he said giving me this wicked grin. I pinched his nose gently but I didn't expect to really hurt him that much. I giggled, apologizing and said, "Well for one thing he looks like Philip. So that pretty much tells you everything, but he's like taller and he's older and oh yeah I think his name was umm..Ro...rolf..Roye...Roel!"

"Roel...slick name!" he said with a half smile, nodding. We both went back in my bedroom helping each other with our homework. He was crouching behind me resting his chin on my shoulder while he wrote some answers to the arithmetic problems that our teacher was explaining this afternoon. I could feel his breath running around my neck gently coating me with warmth against the cold night. I should've closed the windows but my mom cooked some fish fresh from the store and the rancid smell wouldn't leave my bedroom. I didn't mind that he was really close to me tonight; he was pretty hot anyway. Hot as in body heat. What took the teacher 20 minutes to explain in class took us a whole two hours to do, and eventually I was lying on my stomach on my bed with him close beside me checking if my answers were correct. But just a fraction of my brain was really concentrating on the work. I was thinking more of Philip and his sexy looks and the fact that we're more than buds...sigh...

I guess I miss him. I feel like I want to hug Philip again and just stay that way forever. Leo grinned and got up taking my paper. I snickered, "You know for a guy like you, I wouldn't expect that you would be better than me at Math."

"The trick is to listen to the teacher, which you really don't do lately. You're always spaced out," he said checking most of the questions except the last one, which was pretty hard. "Not bad Jake."

I leaped up and got so close to him that he was practically hugging me; he had one arm around me. I looked at the papers and smiled, "Heh cool!"

Then suddenly his other arm reached around me and pointed at the last question. I stood there locked between Leo's arms. It felt...well, weird! I was so close to him that my butt was touching his pelvic area and I could hear him breathing behind me. He leaned even closer to me, pressing his chest against my back. I could feel his chest expand every time he inhaled and I could also feel the extreme heat his body was radiating. I became a bit suspicious, but still stayed on the spot. I could hear him breathing choppily and his heartbeat pumping a bit faster than mine. The veins in the back of his hands swelled and it made me want to touch them out of curiosity. My hand rose up and was about to touch them when he softly whispered, "You're supposed to subtract this, not multiply."

"Sorry," I said shaking a bit while trying not to act too suspicious. The last time we were that close to each other was when I hugged him instinctively and I don't know why but this was...different. But just then all of a sudden, he pulled himself away from me and moved quickly to the end of the bed and sat down. He wrote the right answer, got up again and handed it to me. He was not two feet away when he handed it to me and said, "Here's the right answer. Look I gotta go okay? It's almost past ten and I really need to go home."

He took his backpack and put his jacket back on. I walked him downstairs and we stood in the driveway like we always do. We usually say longer good-byes at night. We talked a bit more about stuff from school, stuff I didn't know. Finally, I heard mom calling me to come inside the house to go to sleep. Leo was looking down at the concrete sidewalk looked up to me with this innocent look.

"Your mom's calling you."

"I know. I should probably go inside, it's getting a bit chilly here," I explained with my arms crossed. Leo dug both his hands in his pockets and smiled at me. "Yeah you should probably go. Good night..."

I smiled and nodded, not saying a word, but lipped "good night" back to him. He smiled and turned around to go home, while at the same time I headed back inside my house. But then, he called out my name. I turned around and saw him walking closer until he stood just inches from me. Leo looked up towards my bedroom lights and then looked back at me. He had this insecure look on his face. He was biting his bottom lip and his hands now dug down deep in the back pockets of his jeans.

I grinned and I was about to giggle, "Well what are you waiting for? A kiss or something?"

He blushed and looked down at my sandals and looked back up to me again. His deep blue eyes gazed straight at my eyes, his pupils slowly getting larger. I smiled innocently now waiting for him to say something. He stepped a bit closer and he asked, almost whispering, "Umm...well...I don't know why I'm getting so embarrass about this."

"What is it?"

"Will you walk me home?" he asked almost acting like he wanted to change the subject. I thought about it for a few seconds, looking down at his shoes. My heartbeat raced as I nodded. "Alright. I'm sure mom will understand."

He grinned and went down the steps looking at me to check if I was following him. There were no stars or moon visible in the sky. Only a dark shade of gray filled the evening sky and a jet could be heard from above. Since we were all alone, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. We passed by rows of dark houses, which gave me a frightening feeling inside. Finally, I could see his house not too far away. We walked even closer and slower, and sometimes his arm that was around me wanted to break loose but I kept it there for a reason. I crossed my arms feeling the chill of the breeze that was gently blowing against me, and even under my shorts.

"There's your house...I should probably go and run. It's really freezing out here."

"Wait..." he said holding my arms to prevent me from running away. My teeth were chattering and I thumped my feet down making my blood flow faster. "What?"

"I wanna say something..."

"Well, make it quick! It's getting cold," I said rubbing my hands against my arms. He half smiled looking at a car that passed by us. He gazed back at me and said hesitating a bit, "Come and watch a movie with me on Friday."

"Are you asking me or are you telling me?" I said, grinning at him from cheek to cheek. My hands dropped down as the cool breeze halted. He bit his lip again and looked down towards the ground. "So you're busy huh?"

I made a second decision and I shook my head. Maybe I can bring Philip along. "No not really."

"So then I'm telling you," he whispered to me. We both grinned. That made my body kind of heat up a bit. I sighed and grinned again, "Bullshit! You should've told me instead on the phone. And it's only Monday! I gotta go okay? It's really getting cold."

"Well...I know...but like they say...the early bird gets the worm."

I giggled and nodded in agreement. He nodded back and looked at me innocently while shaking his bag. "Goodnight?"

"Yeah...good night," I said before I turned around and started walking back home. Halfway down the street, I looked back at Leo's house wondering if Leo was still standing there. And he was...standing there near his front door looking at me until he saw me gazing at him. He opened the door and looked at me one final time before going inside.

The normal routine, wake up, pull the covers over my head and sleep some more 'till mom knocks on the door trying to get inside while I'm trying to hide my morning boner. This week was better than any other weeks' before. Waking up in the morning wasn't so hard anymore. One thought of Philip would give me an instant boost, which was enough to take a shower, grab a bite to eat and zoom straight to Philip's house. Every time I saw him in the morning, he'd be all dressed up and smelling fresh from his shower. His hair always gelled up nicely and spiked in the front. His peaceful smile made me sigh every single time I saw it.

Even though it's always the same routine in school...go to our classes, lunch in cafeteria or outside with or without Clarrissa or Leo, it was still romantic just having Philip beside me. It felt so great like my life was complete. Maybe this is why people try so desperately to find a girlfriend or boyfriend. It's like a drug that doesn't wear off, except this kind of drug is more of a healthy kind.

Wednesday morning I had a dentist appointment and couldn't pick up Philip on my way to school. When I got to school right after first period, I discovered that Philip didn't come to school and I worried that something bad happened to him. I was thinking that someone must've found out that he was a fag and beat him up. So right after the fourth bell, I went straight to the payphone on the first floor to make sure that he was all right. The phone rang 5 times and my insides felt like they were about to burst. Finally, someone picked up and I almost fainted right on the spot. Someone answered the phone but he sounded like he was really beat. "Uh...H-hel..lo?"

"Hey...is that you Philip?"

"Uhh...no...this is Roel." Oh s--- his brother. I was pretty sure that he was Philip! "Oh...can I speak to Philip please?"

"Uhh...he's not here right now..."

"Oh...umm...ok. Bye..." I said putting the receiver back. I walked back up to my locker to put my stuff and get my lunch money when Clarrissa came with her sweet smile that brightened me up a little. "Hey smoochikles! How's the boy next door doing? Got a girlfriend from the party on Saturday? And if it's a no, then is there still a spot available for me?"

"I'm always available all the time. Besides, who's gonna go out with a wimpy, oversensitive guy like me?" I said walking close to her. She giggled as we walked down to the cafeteria.

"Don't say that baby! I'd go out with you...if only I wasn't involved with this guy in junior level who is such a total hottie! I mean if you were a girl you'll totally like him! He got the cutest tight butt! But sigh...of course, the only guy that'd possibly turn you on is my one and only cousin Leo who's such a jackass in disguise."

"Sigh...I know," I said for no reason. I couldn't keep my mind on the conversation while we were eating in the cafeteria. I have a feeling Philip's fine and all now, but I kept on wondering where he might've gone. I tried to get him off my mind but I just couldn't. We were practically sweating since the A/C wasn't on in the cafeteria. She giggled, "What's in your mind? You looked like you're worried about something."

"Oh no it's nothing, I guess it's the heat," I said partly lying. It was incredibly hot in the cafeteria so we decided to go outside to the field behind my school. When we got there, the soccer team was practicing. One of the guys that sat on the track around the soccer field looked up and saw the two of us. He went back on the field still looking at us. He was no doubt a really, really handsome guy but he kinda of looked a bit older than me. But still, I really thought that he was looking at me. Then Clarrissa gave this small wave at him. "That's him."

"You're right. He does have a nice butt! I can already imagine myself slippin my hands inside those shorts and squeezen those buns!" I said jokingly making this motion out of my hand pretending I was squeezing something. She didn't stop giggling until we sat down under this tree at the top of a hill. The view from the slope gave us a wide view of the whole school from back to parts of the patios where the guys and girls smoke or just hang around. It was pretty cool outside what's with the weather being a bit windy n' all. Clarrissa talked about how cute her boyfriend was. "I think I'm gonna have one of those long term relationships with Dane."

"Oh really? That's new!" I snickered. She slapped me on the shoulder and continued, "Really! Like I know I'm only grade nine and he's grade eleven, which gives this two years difference, but he's a really great guy. Like you, but older and way, way cuter! No but really, he's really like what a girl wants...sweet, gentle, nice, open minded, and for once not a flirt or one of those stupid jocks that'd do anything for sports. Just this morning, he left this poem and a red rose in my locker saying how he was glad that he has found a girl like me in his life and...sigh...he's so romantic."

"So you really think that this could be one of those long term relationships huh?"

"Yep! You know...you should go out with someone...to know what it feels like to have someone think of you all the time," she insisted leaning on her arms. I nodded, lying down on the grass with my hands at the back of my head. I do know what it feels like. It feels like having a priceless object that gives you every single feeling a person could ever have; love, hate, sadness, happiness, and orgasm...eventually. I nodded, "Guess you're right. But I'm still not ready. And if I was, I'd want to find somebody that I know I'll be going out with for a long time."

"Leo said the same thing."

"Leo said what?" I asked sitting back up again. She sipped a bit of her cola and said, "Like you said, he wants to find the right person rather than going out with bunch of people and get that player reputation. He has a lot of love to give really."

"I noticed that," I said grinning a bit. She grinned, "Oh? And how?"

"Don't even go there! No...like last night, he stayed all night just to help me out in Math. It was really cool that he helped me out since my mind's been wandering lately. And I knew he wanted to spend time with me this week when he asked me to go watch a movie with him on Friday."

"Well, what you say?" she asked turning around a bit but not so much that she couldn't see her boyfriend. "I said okay. I mean I really don't get to hang out with Leo that much anymore now that his new friends are wasting his time. I feel like high school's really f---ing us up."

"Well it's good that you said yes. You know, he talks a lot about you," she said in this tone my mom would use to get my pure focused attention. I gave her a look and she giggled fixing my uniform, "It's true! Even before I knew you he talked about you on the phone and whenever he came over to our place. You're really lucky you have a best bud like Leo you know. He has a lot of love to give. I know it's really weird coming from his cousin, but I'm like a sister to him since he doesn't have any feminine role models in his life. His mom's too busy for him, he doesn't have any siblings, and the only girls that befriend him are the only ones who want to get his 'attention'...if you know what I mean."

"Yeah I noticed that lately," I said kind of regretting what I said. I used to be one of those `girls' trying to get his attention for me. But that was the past and this is the present. I'm with Philip. Clarrissa then fixed my tie then said, "Doesn't everybody? But you're his only real friend other than me. And he really loves you for that."

"Oh stop it with that L word! I know he does, but I just cringe whenever I hear that word. I would probably cringe if he ever said that word to me."

"Hahah! I would love to get a photo of him telling that to you. Like really! Seeing you freak n' all! But really, I don't think he's that open or has the guts to say that he loves you. I mean he's a guy, for pete's sake. AND he told me before he'd only say that L word to someone he's really in love with. But ahh...he's a guy! He can't keep vows and promises and oaths n' all that," she said sitting down like a real woman. I didn't think that needed any comments or disagreements. We sat there looking at the field where the cute older guys played brutal soccer while we enjoyed the noonday breeze. Dane looked once at us again before kicking the ball towards the goal...and he scores!

"God, you really don't know how much I appreciate you being here to help me out, math's really killing me!" I said rubbing the eraser end of my pencil on my forehead. We were in the same positions as before. He was lying on his stomach beside me while I sat down Indian style with my books on my lap. Whenever he reached across my notebook to show me something, his arm would brush against the skin of my thighs and sometimes, without expecting it, my breath would go choppy. He reached out his arm and pointed at the latest question I was doing. My breath became choppy for a mere second. "Y isn't proportionate to X, and you're welcome."

I half-smiled and laid down beside him, forgetting about what he said. He sat up and took the book out of my lap. My thigh shook for a second when his fingers gently touched my skin, giving me an electric sensation up to the bottom of my spinal chord. He placed the book beside me. "You have to finish your math homework or else!"

"Oh don't be like my DM! My back is hurting right now like really bad. Ten minutes is all I'm asking from you," I begged, massaging my shoulder. He said ok and went to my stereo and turned on the radio. This I Promise You by N'Sync played while I sat up pinching my shoulder as hard as I could. All of a sudden, I could feel someone else's hands on my back tenderly squeezing certain places that made me tingle from pain and delight. Leo sat behind me and pulled the back part of my shirt up and placed his cold hands on my naked shoulder. I sighed every time he squeezed and rubbed. He asked, "How's that?"

"God...Leo...marry me!" I said in pleasure. I kept on groaning. His thumbs pressed on the muscles on my back and THIS felt better than an orgasm! He giggled and whispered, "Okay!"

He grunted softly while he pushed his hands on certain parts harder. It felt GOOD even though it hurt a bit. When he stopped, I purposely dropped my back onto him and he laughed. Like any other man would do, he tried to push me back up but he wasn't strong that night. He laughed and asked almost whispering, "Jake...get off."

"Sigh...whoever you marry will be soo lucky man! I mean wow! That felt like...WOW!" I said deciding to get up. He stopped pushing me back up so I stayed there lying on top of Leo with my shirt covering only my shoulder. He asked again, almost sounding like he was smiling, I couldn't really see him, "Really Jake...get off. Your ten minutes are up."

"Fine." I got up and put my shirt back on. I continued my math homework while he sat beside me tapping his hands on my leg while one of Tonic's songs played on the radio.

Unlike last Monday night, the air was a bit damp and it felt like going to a mild sauna. Leo wiped the sweat off of his forehead while we sat down on the steps of our porch. We weren't really talking but it was like we were trying to enjoy the heat wave for a bit since we had the feeling that it was going to rain tomorrow. I took a glimpse at him and what I noticed kind of surprised me. I've been looking at him all the time, but this was the first time that I noticed that his legs were so long that he had them resting on the step below mine. I smiled and he looked at me oddly. I asked while I stood up, "Can you stand for me please?"

His eyes grew large but he stood up not knowing what would happen next. I grinned and stood up on my tiptoes looking at him. "You've gotten taller!"

He laughed, and pushed my shoulders down gently until my heels were touching the ground. He brushed his blonde hair back but it flopped back where he didn't want it to be. He nodded and crossed his arms then said to me, "Yup! I grew three inches these past months."

My mind was a bit naughty when I thought of it the other way around. I giggled and he looked at me funny. Then he understood when he realized what caused my non-stop giggling performance. He shook his head and blushed, "I meant height!"

"Growth Spurt! I like that! You do look good being tall you know," I said. I was a little embarrassed since that wasn't really a good thing to say to a 'guy'. He grinned and looked down. "I'll take that as a compliment...thanks!"

We stood there not really saying anything when I felt a drop of water land on my shoulder. We both looked up and noticed it was starting to rain. He said holding his bag, "I'll see ya, okay? I really don't want to get wet."

"Yeah okay. Take care!" I said waving at him before I went back into the house. A few minutes later, someone knocked on the door while I was in the kitchen preparing a ham sandwich for myself since mom wasn't home again to cook dinner. I figured out it was Leo since he always forgets his stuff at my place, but when I saw the person in front of me, my heart fluttered and my gut suddenly felt nervous.

"I am sooo sorry that I didn't call to tell you I wasn't going to school today!" Philip immediately apologized without saying hi or anything. He looked worried and I knew that he thought that I was really pissed at him! I laughed and closed the door behind me. I took a glimpse around and when I noticed there was no one in sight on that drizzly night, I leaned over, held his face, and kissed him, feeling the droplets of rain on my face. He gazed at me surprised as I giggled shaking my head, "I'm not MAD or anything! By the way, HI!"

We kissed again and again and again until I noticed someone walking nearby. I removed myself and I made him come inside holding his wrist while we came inside to my kitchen. I shared my sandwich and we listened to the radio while we ate. He took off his polo shirt since it was really hot inside my place and then he asked me, "So you're not pissed at me?"

"Naw! I was a bit busy with stuff at school and LEO was here just a minute ago helping me with my math." I said finishing up my sandwich. "Why weren't you at school anyway?"

"Oh, I was about to go to school but my brother wanted me to help him unpack his stuff," he said finishing up his sandwich also. We walked up to my bedroom and I asked him, "Where did your brother live anyway?"

"Oh he was away at this school and he just came back last Monday," he said sitting down on my bed Indian style. I lay beside him and removed my Math books off the bed. Leo's cologne was still lingering in the air like it wanted me to think of Leo. "He's REALLY CUTE you know! Your brother I mean. He looks exactly like you, with those sexy eyes and that tall slim body! It's like you can easily imagine how he looks without any clothes on! I swear, I'd easily go out with him if he was gay!"

He took it quite lightly and rested his buns on my stomach. He giggled and retorted back, "Heh, too bad! There are a lot of girls in line! You'll have to wait for a looong time only if he ever likes boys that is."

"Damn! I thought he speaks fluent fag like we do."

"I know. He likes the racks more than the bat sticks. But hey, you have his little brother; the younger clone him, the 'second best' and the one who's totally gay...me!" he said excitingly bending forward until his face was only inches above me. I grinned and lifted up my head to kiss him. I giggled, "Zero the hero, first the worst, second the best..."

"He's the worst...trust me! A total player, and I bet he lost his virginity by the age of twelve," he said biting his lips. I clumped him down around my arms and he giggled. "Well...how about yours?"

"Me? I'm still a virgin kinda guy," he said. I gave him this wicked grin and thrust my pelvis at him to feel how hard I was that night. He blushed laughing slightly, "That's still rated PG-seventeen Jake, so don't even go there!"

We both laughed until my parents came home and had this grumpy look on their faces. Well, they always look like that but you can tell easily whenever my parents just came home from a heated argument. Philip got uneasy whenever my parents were like that when he was around so he decided to get out of the house the back way and just hop around the fences to get home. Before climbing out of my window, he turned around and kissed me. "Later?"

"Tomorrow. And go to school!" He snickered and kissed me one more time before he made his escape. I gazed at him in my backyard climbing over the old fences to the street behind my house. I went down again to the kitchen where my mom was to greet her and when I was about to, she said, "Philip's allowed to use the front door you know."

I snickered and kissed her on the cheek, and like almost every night, we talked about usual stuff.

Thursday, errr...god knows how I turned out to be such a big liar to my mom. It wasn't really such a big deal really. I was kind of making up for the lost time with Philip when he didn't go to school and I really didn't know the secretaries actually do their job calling home and wondering where we are. My mom kind of believed my 'the teacher forgot to bring the attendance down' lie but not a hundred and ten percent. So she forced me to take a carpool with her the next day so she'd know that I actually made it to school.

I hopped out of my mom's van and waved goodbye to her before she drove off. I saw Leo sitting on the bench in the foyer talking to this girl who kind of reminded me of someone really familiar. She moved closer to Leo from her side of the bench and I saw Leo back away a little, kind of getting uneasy. I giggled and walked past them pretending that I didn't notice Leo or the girl. Leo stood up quickly and acted surprised to see me. He ran to me avoiding the girl, who really looked familiar to me, but I just couldn't remember when and where. Leo smiled and I could smell the fruit fragrance of his shampoo from his hair. He said in this really enthusiastic voice, "Hi Jake!"

The girl came up to us also and she smiled at me. Her smile...I could've sworn she smiled at me before. "Hey Jake!"

Her voice...her calling my name. Damn! Her name is on top of my head but I just can't grasp it. "Uhh...hey...you!"

"Oh yeah, this is Angela. I'm pretty sure you've met her before 'cuz I could remember her asking you to dance with her."

"Oh...I know her," I said snickering a bit. Angela gazed at me confused, but Leo knew I totally forgot who she was. That's right...heh, this was the girl I left standing and waiting when I went to find Philip on that Saturday night...to meet my 'destiny'. Everyone was telling me that she totally liked me since out of all the guys there that night who were trying to impress her, she somehow picked me, even though there was no way I was trying to impress her. I was more likely flirting with either Leo or Philip that night, because other than them, I'd wasn't interested in anyone else there. I looked at Leo and Angela and they really looked like a perfect couple. Leo, with his long slim figure, and Angela's 5'4" height and long fine, straight honey blonde hair that hung midway down her uniform. They really did look perfect for each other even though a part of my head still wanted to deny that nine out of ten people ARE straight! It kind of made me feel low temporarily. I smiled weakly and nodded, "Yeah, sorry about what I did that night, leaving you n' all."

"S'okay! I really didn't have time since I had to entertain the people there," she explained. I nodded and parted ways before going inside the school. I turned and saw Leo passing guys and girls who were far shorter than him trying to catch up with me. He finally caught up with me and he said, "Damn woman! I bet she's coming on to me!"

"You bet! It's a fact Leo that she has the hots for you! And I'm sorry if I sound wrong but you look...perfect with her," I said opening my locker. He leaned on the locker beside mine with his arms crossed gripping his elbows. I love it when he leaves his uniform unbuttoned and his tie untied. He looks really attractive. He frowned, "Ugh, me having a life with Angela? That's like living a life with a whore! Her and her 'whorings' aren't for me."

I laughed and explained, "Well sorry if Angela isn't the person you want! But doesn't she look like Mandy Moore?"

"Ugh! That stupid preteen bitch! Please don't make me barf! Besides, rumor has it that she has the hots for you!" he said, putting his index finger in his mouth. I stuck my tongue out while he snickered in delight. The bell rang and I quickly shut my locker. I said immediately while grabbing my swimming trunks, "Well I'll see ya! Don't want to be late for Gym!"

I hurried down to the basement where the pool was and I immediately changed into my trunks and took a quick cold shower just to wet myself. The pool is usually cool in the morning. I went to the swimming pool arena and everyone was in their usual drab swimming trunks. No one was wearing speedos since it's a major teaser if you actually wear one, but I didn't mind not seeing anyone using one. Just looking at some of the guys in the pool already turned me on, especially the lifeguard fresh from college! Cute college boys, who doesn't love 'em?

I saw Philip laughing while trying to toss this guy Adrien out of this 6 by 2 feet black mat on the pool. Once he did he raised his arms up high waiting for victory applause. Some hooted while others flipped the mat upside down creating a big splash. I laughed and shivered as I felt the cold chlorinated water splash up at my legs as I lowered myself into the pool. Philip rose up and gasped for air and then he saw me and smiled majestically, swimming quickly to reach me. I ran around the pool trying to get heated up and to get used to the frigid water. "How come you didn't pick me up this morning?"

"Mom...forgot to tell you...she drove me here! And you know how slow my mom is with her getting-ready-to-work thing. Sorry about that, " I said, finally submerging down feeling the intense cold water soaking every inch of my scalp. Once I got back up, he simply said, "S'okay" before going back to the deep end leaving me in the shallow end.

At times like this, I hate the fact that we're going out. He acted like I don't even exist at all in his life, and if I did he'd treat me like a dirt bag! It wasn't like this at all, not even before we saw each other in this way. I sighed and felt down again as our coach blew the whistle to prepare for our exercises. After class, I immediately took a shower and as usual, waited for Philip at my locker. He looked amazingly beautiful despite that he hadn't gelled his hair yet and he reeked of chlorine. He gazed at me more like coldly and I looked down trying not to look at him, then I followed him down to our next class. I knew that we had to act like nothing happened but why does he have to act like I did something bad to him. Like he'll be ashamed of himself if someone did find out that we're actually going out. I sat quietly beside him in Religion class and tried not to think about it. Whatever Philip wants from me, I'll give it to him.

Leo came to class with his usual smile and joke of the day. Many of the girls were eyeing him when he came into class. He sat beside me and nudged my arm. He grinned and raised his eyebrows as a symbol of hello. I smiled back and looked away quickly. I felt kind of happy by that time. Maybe it's because I stopped thinking of Philip being too overprotective of our real identity.

"How's Mr. anti-social lately?" Leo asked in a friendly voice while nudging my arms. I giggled and pushed his arms away. He lifted his desk and nudged it to the left until his and mine were side by side. We talked quietly playing footsies, I know it's kinda weird but I just found out he had a new pair shoes and I just had to 'baptize' them. We both snickered in class and the teacher told us to hush up or else. Or else what? I have no idea. We did end up acting serious when Leo was forced to sit on the other side of the room until the end of class.

Lunch came and Philip became kind of bold, breaking the 'rules' by holding my wrist for just a few seconds when he wanted me to see something in his locker. It was a new blue spring jacket made by T. Hilfiger. I smiled and said cool before going back to my locker to grab my jacket out. Today's Friday and there's always a special deal in this restaurant where you get two meals for the price of one. We went there quietly, taking here and there but mostly quiet. We ended up back in the cafeteria to eat our lunch since the restaurant was full of people. "Why aren't you talking Jake?"

"Oh...me? Nothing why?" I asked. He shook his head, "Nothing."

"Umm...ok."

I looked down at my food again and I felt this uneasiness between us. He suddenly blurted out, "OK. It's just that you always talked to me whenever you were with me before we uhh...well that. And now, you're so quiet."

"Oh..." I whispered and smiled then stared at his hazel eyes. "Sorry! I guess...I guess I'm scared that you might get mad if I blurt out something that doesn't 'sound' right to you."

He didn't say anything after that to try to go against what I just said, or at least make me feel better. My smile faded and I finished my food quietly. Philip stood up and asked me seriously, "Can we talk in private?"

Private? There was only one place that we could talk in private in this big school. I stood up and we both walked straight up to the 5th floor washroom. This washroom was the ONLY washroom that's rarely used, and it also had a lock on the main door. Quietly, he checked if anyone was inside. No one. He locked the door without making that click sound and he looked at me. I was standing between two sinks with my arms crossed thinking whether to be scared or happy that we were alone. He stood straight in front of me with both of his hands resting on his hips. "Is something wrong?"

"N-no. Why would you say that?" I asked. He sighed and his hands reached up and held my shoulders. "Cuz I'm really worried that you're not...yourself."

"Really I'm fine! It's just that...I just one to shout out to the whole world that we're going out but right now, the only thing I can do in public with you is...talk and act like we're friends. It's just...really building up inside me that's all."

"I know the feeling. Like this morning in the pool, I really felt like just planting a kiss on your sweet lips since I hadn't seen you see since yesterday and I really missed you. But then I didn't want anyone to find out."

"No wonder you acted so cold to me!"

He smiled and just laughed it off. "Yeah! I'm sorry."

"S'okay."

He nodded and walked closer to me so that my legs were between his. He kissed me on the forehead and gazed at me with his mouth a bit open. I could feel his fingers slowly pulling at my uniform and then I felt his cold hands roaming across my shaking chest. Once he rubbed my erect nipple, I whispered in this shaking voice, "P-hilip..."

He kissed me quickly to stop me from talking and his tongue rolled inside me. I could taste his distinct flavor and it was turning me on. His hand that was inside my shirt went around my body and pulled me closer to him to kiss me deeper. The room suddenly became like a sauna and my body felt a bit sweaty. He groaned and thrust his pelvis against mine. "You forgive me?"

"Yeah..." he kissed me again, and this time I was the one who groaned when he rubbed himself against me. He was totally putting my c--- into tingles. Suddenly I heard a noise at the door. We got off each other quickly and I tucked my shirt back in while Philip went to the door to open it. I heard Philip say surprised, "Hey Adrien, hey Eric!"

Oh whew! Friends of ours: Adrien and Eric who hang around each other like Philip and me. Makes me wonder if they are like us. They both came in and Eric asked, "What're you both doing here?"

"Oh...umm...you see..." Philip tried to explain. I interrupted him "I took something from Clarrissa and Leo that they really wanted back."

Philip looked at me with a sigh of relief, "But anyway, we were about to go anyway so...we'll see you both later."

Philip and I dashed out of the washroom and giggled while going back to the cafeteria where Leo was and so was Clarrissa. We just couldn't believe I made out with him in the washroom! Kinky yes, safe...no. But I felt...different as if my personality had changed. Like I felt higher and better than others. I just felt weird that's all. As usual, Philip and I walked 2 feet away from each other acting like nothing even happened. Leo gazed at me and smiled wickedly while Clarrissa looked at Leo deviously. She then turned around to see me and grinned and waved for us to sit beside them.

Philip sat there quietly and I could feel that he wanted to say something to me but he's just too shy to do it. He turned around from the side of his bench to look at me. Then he asked in a very small shy voice, "Do you...want to umm...go with me tonight and umm...watch a movie or umm...just whatever...like a ummm...a date?"

"What?"

"A DATE! You know, when two people who like each other go out and umm...do stuff that friends don't...a date..." Philip explained in a soft voice. I giggled and blushed. My first date! Oh my god! I giggled non-stop before I finally said, "Took a lot for you just to say that! So I have to say...yes!"

He sighed and a grin formed from cheek to cheek. He then said with this super-sonic speed, "Really? This is so cool! Our first date! What do you want to do? Umm...watch a movie? Or bring a home video and watch a movie in your house? Or like just eat at a restaurant? Or..."

"Or...whatever your mind wants," I said interrupting him. He smiled and nodded, "I'll pick you up by four okay?"

Soon the day finally ended and both of us went home. As fast as possible, I took a quick shower and changed out of my uniform and into something that looked more like every day clothes. I wore this ROOTS sweater my mom bought me last month, and some new loose fit jeans that had a darker shade of blue than the normal blue pants I wear. I looked at the mirror once more and experimented with which smile I should choose when I greet Philip in a few minutes. If I went back in time and accidentally end up in this place where I'm trying to pick which smile I should choose, I would've died from laughter.

Finally, the doorbell rang. My feet immediately fixed its pace to greet the guy I'm gonna have my very first date in my life. With my out-of-the-shower scent, my 'different' clothes, and with the smile I 'picked' I opened the door. Then all of a sudden, with this loud shriek in the background, my eyes widened and I almost wanted to drop dead. He stood there sexily and had these clothes that I've never seen his closet before. He had this smile that'd make any girl jump and down until their old enough to have their legs break from osteoporosis. His hair was nicely styled and my nose was filled with his cologne. But he isn't...Philip. There in front of me stood a 5'8 blonde blue-eyed boy who smiled serenely...Leo. He grinned and said, "Uhhh...hey!"

It was like the world had jut split into two. My heart beat fast and I started to feel nauseous. "Uhh...hey Leo. What are you umm...doing here?"

"Uh...I came here to pick you up so we can go watch a movie. By the way you're dressed, you look ready to go so umm...let's go," he said putting one hand on his waist. I shook my head and wanted to hate myself for what I was about to say. "You see...the thing is...I can't go."

"What? You told me last week that you could go tonight."

"I did! But...my mom...grounded me today when I didn't go to school yesterday, that's why my mom drove me to school today to make sure I made it to school."

Leo stood there looking like he just wanted to run and kill someone but he smiled and nodded. My eyes were locked onto his eyes, but I quickly gazed down towards the floor so he wouldn't suspect that I was lying. "It's...okay...heh! I know how your mom gets cranky when it comes to school."

"Leo, I'm really so sorry. I promise one of these days, I'll go watch a movie with you...my treat!" I said smiling. He nodded with his eyes closed and had this simple smile while he bit the bottom of his lip. "I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Yeah...I'm really sorry," I apologized but he shook his head. "Nah, it's okay. I should probably go before your mom sees me."

He waved once to me and left quickly. I closed the door and smacked my head against the door. How could I be so stupid? I totally forgot about Leo's 'date' with me! And in top of that, he KNEW that I was lying! I know him inside and out and he knows me inside and out, except for the gay part, and I knew that he knew that I lied from the start. I smacked my head again on the wall before I went back up to my bedroom. I'm sure Leo will understand, yeah right! What am I going to say to him? Sorry Leo but I had a date with Philip. That'd surely fix this mess up.

The doorbell rang again and this time I already knew who it was. I smiled at Philip and closed the door before we took the subway to the mall. We watched this movie remake called, "The Exorcist" and I just have to say that it was one of the scariest movies I've ever watched. I'm not really a pure believer, but this movie had made think otherwise. Half the time, I kept on thinking about what Leo was doing. I was partly scared that he might be stalking me but I just couldn't see Leo doing that because he's not like that.

It was 9 pm already but our 'date' wasn't over yet. We went straight to this place called "Playdium" where there were tons of arcade games to play, but one measly game costs lots money. We went inside this virtual roller coaster, which cost around 8 dollars, but it was worth it. The worker there locked us up in this claustrophobic box where there was a screen in front of us. The box moved around rotating making me want to hurl but instead of gazing at the screen, I stared at Philip who was looking back at me.

He smiled sweetly and I could tell that he had the same thought that I had. He moved his head forward closer to me while his body was safely tied up to the chair. I did the same thing, but we both ended up laughing when the box moved suddenly and my head banged on the hard cushioned metal strap that surrounded my body. We both reached out again. We could barely touch each other but our lips managed to touch enough that we could kiss passionately inside the shaking claustrophobic machine.

When the 'box' finally settled and my hair fell back in place, he leaned back on his seat looking at me with a wide grin on his face. The worker opened the 'box' and there were tons of people in line looking at us. The closeted part of me was scared that the people in front of us must've seen us doing stuff inside the machine, but then again there were two really straight looking guys going inside the machine after us and they didn't have any disgust in their faces so I was betting that no one saw us. Philip didn't seem mind at all worried, which was kind of odd. We finally went home and quietly stood on in his porch kind of just looking at each other's eyes and giggling for no reason. "Jake, I really had a great time."

"Me too. I guess...calling off my 'date' with Leo was a good thing I guess," I said. I started imagining Leo sitting down on his couch with a large potato chip bag beside him flipping from channel to channel wondering if there was anything to watch. I started feeling bad. "How sweet! You actually picked me over Leo. Well...I'm flattered!"

"You should be!" We both giggled and stopped in unison. Then he looked at me half-smiling. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms went around my waist and pulling me closer to him he whispered, "I'm so lucky to have you. I wish...I wish that this night would never end."

"You said that last week too when you kissed me and it didn't last long."

"Okay...I'll correct myself. I wish...that being with you...and only you...would last forever and even if we're in heaven, or hell if God rejects gay people, we would be still be together holding each other."

I blushed and giggled while we rocked back and forth. "That's soo sweet! Geez Philip, you know how I go mushy when you say something nice to me!"

"I know, and you know I mean it," he said. We both grinned at each other; then he stopped smiling and looked at me with an expression that gave me the feeling that he wanted me bad. He gently pulled me closer and kissed me on the lips. My arms wrapped around his body and hugged him back while we kissed each other passionately. Besides the sound of the crickets clicking, the only sound I could hear was my heart beating like crazy. He stopped kissing me and said quietly, "Damn, I hate goodbyes."

"We're going to see each other tomorrow anyway."

"I know, but what am I gonna do for the next 8 hours?" he asked. I giggled, "Jack off and then sleep!"

He laughed and moved his hand up and down pretending he was jacking off. I laughed and unwrapped my arms from around him. I waved goodnight to him while I walked to the sidewalk. Once I got on the sidewalk, he waved to me once more before going inside his house. I sighed and slowly started to walk home.

I had this weird feeling like I was being followed so I hummed a song in my head to try to relieve my anxieties. I could hear the sound of someone's shoes grating against the concrete. I turned around but saw no one there. I tried to ignore it but as I walked, I could hear someone walking behind me and when I stopped, the sound stopped too. Scared, I started walking faster clenching my fists ready to hit someone if anyone dared to touch me. Suddenly, I heard a soft cry, "Jake...I can't believe you lied to me."

I turned around and couldn't believe who I saw...Leo. He stood there with his hands on his hips and looked at me as if I betrayed him, which I did. "Leo! s--- don't scare me like that, I thought that someone was stalking me."

"f--- you," he said walking quickly past me, hitting me with his shoulder. I followed him and tried to stop him but he kept on walking at a rapid speed that required me to run to catch up with him. "What the hell did I do?"

"Don't act like you don't know. Look I saw you with Philip at the movies tonight, okay! I...I can't believe you lied to me!" he growled almost loud enough to let the whole neighborhood hear us.

"How did you know if you didn't go? You freakin' stalked me!"

"I don't go that low Jake, you know that! I f---in' saw you when I watched a movie with Angela what else?" he said. I couldn't say anything and really regretted that I lied to him. It is true of what they say: 'What goes around comes around.' I said pleadingly, "Okay, so I lied. I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, it's not a big DEAL or anything!" he said in an insincere voice that made me not believe a thing he said. I walked faster and got in front him and walked backwards to look at him. He looked away from me to avoid looking straight at my eyes like he used to. "If you think it's no big deal then how come I don't believe a single word you say? You ARE mad at me aren't you?"

"Your words not mine!"

"LOOK!" I pulled his arm and he stopped dead on the spot. He stood there waiting for me to talk. "If you're mad at me...why can't you just tell me? I know you're mad just by the way you look at me. Please, if you are, I'm really sorry."

He stepped closer and then shouted at me, "You think sorry's gonna do it? God, you know, I can't believe that you would do something like this!"

"Why do you have to make such a big deal out of this? I only lied to you because...because..."

"You wanted to watch the movie with Philip rather than me! Isn't that it? f--- Jake! That's..." he said loudly, he sighed, and then said almost whispering, "...That's the whole...point."

"Well SORRY if I go and watch a movie with Philip rather than with you! Tough luck okay? Things don't go your way all the time! Welcome to the real world!" I blurted out in frustration. I didn't know WHY I was the one who's losing it here. I guess I was still not up to losing an argument with him and I wanted to defend Philip since he's my boyfriend. But for one thing, he certainly didn't take it too lightly. "You know what? f--- you alright! I'm sick and tired of being so nice to you and always ending up being treated like a dirtbag! I can't take it okay? So goodbye Jake."

He walked past me hitting me with his shoulder again but I grabbed his arm and said in a deep voice, "You're not leaving until you forgive me Leo."

"Jake let go of me," he said calmly. "No, I don't know why this night was so important to you but if it was, then I am really sorry if I screwed it up. I'm sorry for making you feel this way. If I KNEW what I was doing would make you feel this bad then I wouldn't have done it."

"Jake please..."

"NO! Leo please listen...your friendship is one of the things I cherish in my life! Clarrissa was right. I am lucky to be your best friend; you're different than other guys. That's why I am NOT going to let this go because of the stupid things I do to you okay? And YES I did lie to you and for that I am sorry!"

"If I am that important to you...then why did you have to lie to me?"

"Because..." I wanted to lie again just for the sake of saving my 'straight' personality. But I couldn't anymore. It was like he had this power over me now to make me tell him the whole truth. I closed my eyes, removed my hand from his arm and I said slowly and quietly, "...Because Philip's my boyfriend Leo."

"WHAT!" he said in shock. My body felt stiff and my ear hurt from his shrill. The sound of disgust pained my chest and because of it, I couldn't prevent the tears from coming out of my eyes. I breathed hard but slowly and kept my emotions in tact. I looked down on the ground from letting him see my face. I whispered, "I'm gay Leo, didn't you see that in the beginning?"

"Jake...I..." He couldn't say anything; he seemed too shocked to understand that I am gay. He backed away a bit and I could actually feel the gap that was forming between us. I clenched my fist and I said, with this choppy voice, "I'm sorry I'm gay, I didn't choose to be this way Leo! Now...are you happy that you know WHY I chose to go with Philip tonight? God...somebody please pinch me! Get me out of here."

I couldn't continue what I wanted to say. I wanted to apologize that I didn't tell him from the beginning that I was gay, that I was in love with him, and how I hated being gay, EVERYTHING that related to the gay part of me. But the pain in my gut and the non-stop water works from my eyes prevented me from doing so. Suddenly, I felt his fingers holding my chin, raising it up until I could see his blue eyes shining from the blue moon. I was too scared to look at him, but because of the innocent look his eyes had shown me, I gazed back at him tensely.

"Jake...don't cry...please? I forgive you..."

He stepped closer to me and his arm slowly went around my body and gently pulled me closer to him. He wrapped his other hand around the back of my head and pulled my head to his shoulder while brushing my hair with his long slender fingers. His natural scent filled my nose while my eyes soaked the top of his shirt. Slowly, my arms crept around him and hugged him tightly. I whispered, "Thank you so much Leo."

"Jake...I'm your best friend, now and forever, nothing matters to me...I don't care if you are gay. I...love you just the way you are."

"Thank you Leo," I said. I smiled and hugged him even tighter. At the same time I felt so light like a heavy burden was set free. I don't think I have ever felt closer to Leo, no more things to hide from each other. I knew he was smiling even though I couldn't see his face. For the first time, he kissed me on the forehead and for the third time, he hugged me again.

"I love you too Lionell."

Thanks for reading it and I'm sorry about the great delay for this chapter to come out. I had a major struggle on what things I should write for this chapter.