Connections

Please...if boy+boy= LOVE doesn't satisfy you...leave...only open-minded people are welcome.

Connections

Another semester, more changes, more friends, more problems. Damn school! Why do I have to be stuck on the first day of school in Keyboarding class instead of Gym? My hands were fidgeting from nervousness. I'm never comfortable being alone. I'm always with someone else wherever I go...until now. It's usually my best friend Leo who introduces me to other people since his heartbreaking good looks always attract any guys or girls that come across us. `Us' is the word. Wherever you see me, there's Leo, when you see Leo, there's me behind him, like his shadow. My old friends think that we're an item. I wish! I mean if I was in his arms, I'd be in church every single minute thanking God for Leo...., but then again.

"Okay class! If you're not in K-E-Y 1-G-0 then you're in gym class! If your schedule for period 1 is blank or something else, what the hell are you doing here?!" the female teacher screamed. Everyone giggled...except me. I reread my schedule on my wrinkled and ripped paper, wishing that the words would somehow become PHM1G0. Sigh, guess this is not my year after all. The teacher rechecked everyone's timetable. Yep, I'm meant for this class. Everyone seemed to know each other since they were chatting away like old friends. I sat on the back table, both seats beside me empty. Please god, just one wish... have the teacher make a seating plan!

After an incredible torture of 10 minutes, more people arrived filling the seats... everywhere except for the two seats beside me. Do I have BO or something? Is it my looks? Is it my blue eyes, my medium length brown hair, or is it 'cause I'm not built well enough for anyone? My fingers stroked the keyboard as I slowly clicked a paragraph about myself on the notepad. The school day would be over soon, since first day of school only had one period. As I typed away on the new keyboards, everyone seemed to turn around when someone quietly knocked on the door. The teacher, Ms. Bey, opened the door to see who was there. Then there he was standing on the door with his timetable on his hand showing it to Ms. Bey. I didn't know him, I'd never talked to him, and I'd never seen him before, but something about him made me quiver in delight. She let him inside and told him to sit wherever he wanted.

His captivating hazel eyes looked left to right trying to find an empty seat. His head stopped when he looked my way, seeing the empty seats beside me. He walked closer to me, squeezing himself through the narrow aisles. Some of the girls' eyes locked into his unique beauty. I couldn't help being like one of them. My eyes were fixated on him as he drew closer and closer until finally, he stopped.

"Seat taken?" he asked.

"Nope," I answered nervously. I pretended to cough as he sat down beside me. Taking his cap off, a beautiful scent from his short brown hair fragranced the air around us, mixing with the cologne he was wearing. My head dazed from his scent. Just in the corner of my eye, I could see him look at my computer screen.

"Psst...what the hell are we suppose to do?"

I didn't answer. I thought he was asking someone else for help, but then he asked again. He moved his seat closer to me creating a loud shriek. "Dude, I'm talking to you ummm..." he paused and gazed at the monitor screen. "...Jake...Van...Lauren! Cool name!"

The sound of my name coming out of his mouth finally got my attention and I quickly answered in surprise, "Oh! I'm so sorry! I thought you were talking to someone else!"

I pointed at the screen and told him to click on the small box in front of his face and start typing. "Thanks Dude, I mean Jake!"

He effortlessly smiled at me before locking his eyes on the computer screen, stroking the keys on his keyboard. I whispered to him, but I doubt he heard me, "No probs man..."

Leo waved his hand to the group of girls passing by who were flirting with him. As we passed by another group of hormone driven girls, he gave a sexy wink that made the girls jump and giggle in delight. Leo snickered and ended up laughing his head off as we got out of the school building, "God! What a bunch of losers!"

"Well, at least someone knows you in this damn new school!" I protested, smacking him lightly on the back of his head. He gave a no care look at me. Walking down the steps he said to me, "So by the way you look rite now, I guess no one tried to talk to you huh?" I looked up in the sky and sighed, letting him notice how down I was. Really down. Being in my shoes, not having that many friends can really tempt you to end your life. "Yeah man. I don't know how you do it! I mean...really, is there something so gross about me that no one will touch me with a ten feet pole?"

Leo wrapped his right arm around my shoulder trying to make me feel better. "Dude, if you mean your ugly as hell, then I should nail that mouth of yours shut 'cuz you ain't ugly! It's the way you act! I'm not saying you act too cool for everyone, but like, you gotta stop frowning and being a closed book! People hate that! You gotta smile for once! Friends don't just drop in your lap! You have to earn them!"

"Wow! Coming from you...that means a lot! I mean a lot! Thanks Bud!" I said showing a smile in my face. He grinned back. "There! You're smiling...a bit too much though...don't overdo it!"

"I'm not overdoing it! I'm smiling because I'm happy!" I explained, dropping my smile back into its usual frown. He went into shock, "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for you to stop smiling...it kinda makes me giggle inside!"

"Don't worry about friends...you'll make a friend right about now!" I smiled again giggling in delight this time. He took his arm off my shoulder, making me feel cold and thinking that I missed something. But then, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into a crowd of teenagers, stopping in the middle. He noticed someone and smiled broadly. "Oh my god! Clarrisa! Cuz!!!"

"Oh my god! Leo!!" a girl somewhere in the crowd outside screamed. She bumped off the people blocking her as she tried to get closer to us. She ran towards us quickly giving Leo a big hug. Must be a long time ex-girlfriend or something. I looked away as they hugged even more. Even for a gay guy like me, I thought she was beautiful. She had the body of a model and her shoulder length blonde hair shined in the sunlight. She was about 2 inches shorter than Leo and me, about 5' 5" I guess, and her breasts...well...I they were not too small and not too big, they were just perfect size. Every boy would fall dead infatuated with this girl, I'm soo sure! She wasn't even wearing any make up on and her face and it still looked so beautiful. Leo pulled me closer to take a look at her! Clarrissa giggled and smiled, "You must be Jake! Leo's like told me everything about you on the phone! I wanted to meet you every time I came here for a visit but Leo didn't want to! Good thing my parents decided to move here! Oh, I'm so sorry. You're thinking who the hell is this little slut! I'm Clarrissa! Nice to meet you!"

She hugged me and gave me a peck on my cheek making Leo blush. Leo joked, "Clarrissa! Don't think about going out with him! He's mine and I have plans to settle with him in the future and raise two beautiful kids!"

"You didn't tell me he was THIS cute!"

I blushed and smiled foolishly. Clarrissa giggled in a girly way as she gave me another kiss. I yiped when she wrapped her arms around me landing yet another wet kiss. She giggled, "Cancel those plans 'cause he's in love with me!"

"Uh...well...I really didn't expect that from one of his relatives! He said that every relative he has are just bunch of proper mannered people!"

"Oh really he said that?!" winking at Leo. She quickly gave Leo a peck on the cheek. Leo shouted backing off, "Eeww! Incest!"

I snickered and burst out laughing while Clarrissa giggled at me. As soon as I calmed myself from laughing, someone bumped into me, shoving me hard down on the soft, dark brown soil. Leo shouted, "HEY! What's the big idea?!"

I managed to get up on my knees rubbing my hands together to remove the dry soil from my hands. Clarrissa helped me up as a riot started to occur behind me. I turned around and saw Leo pushing someone intentionally. "What the fuck is your problem huh? Pushing someone like that!! Pick someone your own size, like me! I'll fuckin' gladly kick your fuckin' ass!"

"I'm really sorry I didn't mean to! Someone pushed me and got I shoved to that guy!" the guy said. "Nice excuse asshole!!"

He kept on pushing him back and back. Clarrissa tried to stop Leo but he just pushed her away. He pushed him again forcefully making him fall down on his ass. "How does it feel huh?!"

The guy looked like he couldn't take it! What's wrong with Leo? He wasn't this overprotective towards me. I ran quickly, grabbing him by his shoulder and shouted in front of him, "Leo stop it! It was just an accident!"

I stared at his blazing blue eyes. His brown eyebrows drew an image of a wild animal, until they settled back down to their normal position. "I'm sorry..."

He pushed against the circle of kids crowded around us who were looking at the three of us waiting for a major fight to erupt. Leo walked off, leaving this guy, Clarrissa, and me in the middle of everyone. Good thing Leo didn't fight. I crouched down and helped the person who was lying on the ground. Pulling him up, I asked, "Are you ok?"

"Y-yeah...I'm so sorry I really didn't mean to..." he stopped as he looked at me from top to bottom. "...Jake?" I took a longer look at his face and finally I remembered who he was. "Hey! Umm...you're that guy from my Keyboarding Class."

The crowd started to boo and break up when they figured out no fighting was going to happen. He smiled, "Yeah! Look, I'm really sorry about pushing you and all, I didn't mean to."

"No, I should be the one who should be sorry! My friend's such a bastard! I'm really sorry...umm...man!" I apologized. "He was a friend? What a friend! So like, being so protective of you and stuff. That's cool! Weird though...sorta acts like he owns you or something."

"He's really weird today! He never did that before. I mean, like was he trying to impress someone or what?" I said. He brushed the few strands of grass off of his shoulder before grinning. "I'm not that type of person. I'll make friends with anyone who'll accept me for who I am!"

Those words really stuck into my head. Finding friends who accept me for who I am. There's a sweet guy! I couldn't help it! I smiled a deep wide grin in front of him making him stare at me oddly. His grin soon widened too, and after awhile, both of us were just grinning at each other cheek to cheek...our eyes gazing at each other. I couldn't help it. When I stared at his hazel eyes, something in me wanted to jump and kiss him. For a second there, I felt something so weird, something I only feel towards Leo.

"I see that my cuz's best friend is making his first friend in high school! Oh no wait...I was the first!"

Clarrissa's arm went around my waist as she walked closer to us. He smiled, and like a gentlemen he offered his hand for a handshake. "Hello, you must be Jake's girlfriend, I'm Philip."

Mental note, and please remember this, brain...his name is Philip. Man, ...cute, nice, charming, sweet name, and a gentleman! Who the fuck can top that? Maybe Leo, but he ain't no gentleman! Clarrissa giggled as she shook his hand, "Me? Jake's girlfriend? I wish! I'm Clarrissa by the way."

"So...you're not his..."

"Nope! Like I said I wish." Clarrissa explained, keeping a grin on her face. Philip's grin widened more as he shook Clarrissa's hand before letting go. He looked at me all of a sudden and shot up a bashful grin. I giggled inside and returned a sly smile before looking away. I knew I was blushing bad! I could actually feel my cheeks boiling! "Well, I gotta go you two! It's really cool meeting you both...gotta go. Can't wait to see you tomorrow Jake! See ya Clarrissa!"

He looked at me and shot up another sexy grin before walking away disappearing from our sight. He never said bye, but I think that smile took its place. The blush and grin that wouldn't fade off quickly disappeared as soon as Clarrissa noticed. She snickered and gazed at me devilishly. I asked innocently, "What?"

"Oh...nothing!" she giggled again. This is why girls suck ass. They always hide secrets until your down on your knees begging and weeping and crying just to ask what's on their minds! I begged for like forever. She ended up giggling. She pushed my hands away, "Alright already!"

"Now tell me! What is it?" I asked.

"Well...I hate being prejudiced, but I think he's gay!" she said shrugging her arms and looking where he had disappeared. "I mean like...well...like, when he found out we weren't going out...gosh! Was he like happy to hear that or what? He almost broke my hand with that handshake! But then again...he might be glad 'cuz I'm not going out with anyone."

She turned sideways to look at me. I know she was about to give me the big ones. "And YOU!"

"What about me?" I asked, acting cool.

"You looked at him like he was a piece of hot juicy meat on rye! Your eyes, that grin that was stuck on your face! I detect gay love!" she said giggling like crazy. Next thing I knew, I got really hurt by her teasing. Although it was true, I didn't want anyone to tease me 'cause of that. I gave her a bad look as I tried to talk my way out of this. "Yeah he's really hot! He has a really nice set of tight buns! A picture of him is worth 5 orgasms!"

"You surprise me every minute!" she said as she laughed in a girlish way before wrapping her arms around my left arm like she owned me. "Well my sweet muffin, I have to go. I promised my parents I would come home before lunch time." Her house wasn't that far from my house, about 5 blocks I guess. My mind told me that she's so gonna be my best friend soon. The way we talked...it was like we had known each other since birth. She kissed me on the cheek before I departed for home.

As always, the picket fence creaked as I slowly opened it. I tip toed inside my house trying not to let my mom know I was home. Surprisingly, no one was home. Quickly and quietly, I dragged myself upstairs to my bedroom and removed every piece of clothing I had except for my boxers and my socks, and jumped on the bed spreading, every inch of my body down on the cold, soothing mattress. There wasn't anything much to do...except sleep...and maybe forgive Leo...yeah Leo...forgot about that guy....

Quietly, my right foot stepped forward and the other one followed. Everything around me was too blurry that it was too hard to tell which is which. My head felt like a thousand bricks and my eyes were burning as I moved through the dark, claustrophobic hallway. Brushing the tears out of my face, I felt someone grab me from behind. When I turned around to meet him face to face, all I saw was a black figure. Like in every horror movie, the black figure had a devilish grin. Fear crept from my ankles to my spine and all I could do was scream. The indescribable devil figure held my shoulders trying to hold me down but I struggled. I smacked my fist onto his dark bloody face but it did no good. He was still holding trying to push me down. All I could was scream and scream.

"Dude! Are you okay?"

"Easy! Easy! Calm down!"

I kicked and kicked until finally, I recognized the voice. I stopped, but my feet were ready for more kicking. I opened my eyes slowly, trying to erase the bloodied figure in my head and wished the voice was really his.

"L-Leo?" It was him. He was out of breath while his arms reached towards me holding both my wrists down. "Thank god! It was like, you were screaming and bashing and...." He sighed, and as soon as he took his hands away from mine, I got up and hugged him. He quickly froze as my arms got around his neck, but soon afterwards, he managed to move his hands around me. Inside, I was still panicking. My heart felt like it was about to burst, my hands shook, and I was sweaty enough to wet my whole bed. He rubbed my naked back slowly and softly, until finally, I got back from reality! That was all a dream! And this is the reality! Me hugging Leo!! What's more romantic than that? He kept my head on his chest as he slowly ran his fingers at my back. He slowly whispered, "What's wrong?"

Now I was REALLY panicking! For the first time in my life, I was hugging him and he wasn't resisting. His cologne bathed the air around us and his breathing was the only thing I heard inside my room. Slowly, I explained why I freaked out so bad. He kept his arms around me and we were just standing there, hugging each other, sighing, quietly. I was waiting for any pity from him, but he just stood there speechless. But all of a sudden he backed away from me. I stood now estranged, but I tried to act cool about it. He looked hurt somehow and I apologized, "Dude, ummm...sorry about what I did just now! I guess I just needed one!"

He smiled and shook his head no. "No, I'm not mad about that! I liked it! I mean not like it, but like I don't know...this weird feeling got into me. Anyways look, well uhh...well you see...uhh..."

I snickered before sitting back down on the bed. "Leo just say it out loud!"

"Okay, I'm really sorry about what I did today, okay? I know you got really mad about that" he said looking down on me. Then I remembered about what had happened this morning...Philip...Clarrissa...the crowd. It didn't make me mad, but then again, it was way weird for him to do that. "Yeah, I remember. Dude, it's all right really! But why the fuck did you do that anyways?"

He blushed and his hands fidgeted, but he explained thoroughly, "Jake, I didn't want to see you get beat up on the first day of school! Fuck, you're my best friend, and you know that! I'll show all the bullies in school how much back up you have!" He smacked his right fits at his left, smiling devilishly.

"Leo, I'm a guy! I can take care of myself! I don't need anyone's help until I ask 'em!"

"Sorry..." he apologized. His head dropped down while his eyes stared at the floor, his clenched fist swayed down and then his shoulders dropped. I felt pity for him. The way he looked as he stood there sort of hurt and defeated just made me want to reach up to him to hug him, but as always, the sexual wall between us forbid me to touch him.

"Dude, it's alright, really. Hey, and that's some guy you almost beat up. Thank god I was there or all hell would have broken loose. His name's umm...err...Philip! Hehehe and isn't it cool? He told me he can't wait to see me tomorrow!"

"Dude! I hope I'm not getting weird signals from you!" He gazed at me shockingly. I pointed at myself, "Me? You think I'm gay! Man! What's wrong with you? What's next? You gonna ask me out?"

"Hehe! Well I was thinking of that for a long, long time, and if you want to...just tell me to ask you out and I will!" a bashful sexy grin was plastered on his face. Good thing that it was dark by then, or else he would've found out I was gay from the deep blush I could feel in my face. I knew he was just kidding around but how come I felt that something wasn't right? Like inside me, I could feel something in me just wanted to believe him. Believe him so bad that I'd gladly kneel down in front of him right now, hold his hands and tell him to ask me out. But God knows that that's impossible. It's like pulling the stars down from the sky. It can't be done. I reached out and jabbed him lightly, "Yeah, whatever."

He went around and turned on the lights. The lights flickered a little before a bright light shined. Leo took off his red hat and exposed his nice blonde hair. Peculiarly, his blonde hair had started to have brown roots, which don't look bad and made him look even sexier. Leo went to my mini-stereo and he shoved in a CD. Leo turned to me, "This should brighten up this mellowed out room!"

The whole night, my room was filled with noise from the computer, the T.V. and the stereo. My mom never complains, since my room is like sound proofed when I shut the door. Leo and I spent the whole night talking and playing video games. One of our `usual' nights, we never get sick of it. Hey, we've been doing this routine since we became best friends in grade six. Seriously, I don't even remember how we became friends. I remember being at school, very bored and extremely lonely, and then Leo came up to me and we just started talking like good 'ol friends. I didn't even know what we chatted about, and when I asked him what we talked about, he couldn't remember either. I guess it was one of those times when something out there was doing his job for once!

Finally, at 11 PM, my room quieted down. We were watching this old horror flick they show every night in this old channel. He was lying beside me, as always, and we just kept on yawning through the movie. I tried to keep my eyes open, but I was so tired that I ended up sleeping through the boring movie.

"Wake up you two lovebirds!" my mom whispered. I opened my eyes slightly. In front of me, I saw Leo's eyes squinting, trying to block them from the rising sun. I got up slowly, stretching and yawning frequently, while he went back to sleep. When my mom reminded us that there was school today, our minds quickly jumped. Leo freaked out the most! "Oh my god! There's school and I'm here, and shit my parents!!!"

This always happens when he fell asleep at my house on school days. My mom already got used to this, so she always does the routine of calling his parents. "Uhh...sorry about the bad language Mrs. Lauren."

My mom giggled as she took out two uniforms, two pants and two ties, "Don't worry! I called your house last night to tell your mommy that you were snuggling with Jakey last night!"

"Ma!!" I shouted in embarrassment. Leo blushed and quickly got up from the bed. I also got up and pushed my mom out of the room. "Thanks mom! We'll be down in a sec okay!"

"Okay, okay! Your mom allowed you to stay and use Jake's uniform, but quick, you both are almost late for 2nd day of school! And both of you, don't you dare use my bathroom! The last time you guys used it everything was soo wet!" she explained as she went downstairs waving the finger at us. Leo and I stared at each other and knew what was on each other's mind. We both sprinted towards my washroom, which only took like 3 seconds since it was just 9 steps away from my bed. Through muscle strength, a few tickles here and there, and a few touchies in the no-no areas just for the heck of it, I managed to get in and lock the door quickly. After I took a quick shower and wrapped a towel around me, I unlocked and opened the door. A cold breeze made me shiver but the warm sunlight evened it up. Leo dashed inside and took a quick shower. Before I even got to put on my plain white shirt, he was already done taking his shower. He got out of the washroom and he was only covered with a small towel down there. He was not thin but not too built either. He had broad shoulders and his stomach was a bit toned. Although he had peach hair on his arms, his legs and chest didn't show any signs of any hair. I tried to resist the feeling of looking at the bulge down there, but eventually my eyes dropped for just less than a second to look at it...sigh...now you know why I'm so sexually attracted to him.

"Dude that was fast!" I commented. He continued, "Turn around please!"

"Heheheh! What the hell's wrong with you? I ain't gonna bite your thumb size erected dick!"

"Speak for yourself!" he shot back. I giggled a bit more before turning around. After a few minutes, I already had my tie, my uniform and my gray pants on. I turned around and noticed Leo struggling with the tie he borrowed from me. "Here, let me help you with that." I said, as I got closer to him.

"Thanks man," he said as he let go of the ends. He looked away as he waited for me to tie his tie. I couldn't control myself. I let myself look at him straight in the eyes, trying to make an eye-to-eye contact. Finally he stared at me oddly. "What?"

"Oh...your hair, it looks cool. Brown roots. Did you dye your hair or something?" I asked as I let my eyes wonder at his blonde silky hair. "You like it? Thanks! It's the natural color. I'd never dye my hair! Puberty thing I guess. Too bad, mom told me my hair's gonna change to darker blonde. I'll miss my blonde. But maybe I'll dye it back to blonde or something. I mean like...like..."

I tried really hard to listen to what he was babbling, but his beautiful ocean blue eyes staring back at me, capturing all my attention. I couldn't move nor speak. I was happy that I was his best friend, but so sad 'cause that's the closest thing I could ever be to him. I noticed that he suddenly stopped talking and ended up staring back at me. Then the most miraculous thing happened. It was only for a second or two and was really fast! Nothing strong, but not weak either, but I felt something from him. I felt a small...connection. It was like I finally knew how he felt about me. Everything that I wanted was there inside of him waiting for me to grasp it. Suddenly, everything went back to reality.

"O-oh...it's done. Thanks man." He quickly backed away and looked in the mirror while he fixed and tucked in his uniform. I couldn't believe it. All those feelings that came over me...was it only my stupid imagination? I felt so embarrassed, but most of all, I felt so bad. I didn't know why but I just did! And how could I stare at him like that? Of course, who's not gonna look back when someone won't stop staring at you? God, I'm such a loser! I wanted to smack my head; I just wished that this day had never begun. I sat back down on my bed as I tried to breath slowly, trying to let my breath catch up with my heartbeat.

"What's wrong? You look...strange," he asked as he sat down beside me to put his socks on. I acted cool and smooth. "Oh...uhh...school I guess."

I couldn't do a better job but I guess he bought it. I felt so ashamed of myself for thinking that he actually...at least liked me! I couldn't shake the feeling off. I couldn't talk at the breakfast table; I couldn't talk to Leo on the bus on the way to high school. Leo got really suspicious, like he didn't even know what happened! He kept on asking what was wrong, but I replied that nothing was wrong...at least nothing physically.

I managed to get to my class without his help. I sat down in the same seat I sat in yesterday and just thought of making new friends. That'll surely take away that embarrassing moment. I sat there typing fast, trying to finish my work, even though school hadn't even started yet. Suddenly someone grabbed me by my shoulders. My body tingled and jumped a little. "Haha! Didn't mean to scare you Jake! I was only trying to slow you down! You're typing like the world's gonna end anytime soon."

It was only Philip. Whew...I'm not ready for any fights right now or ever. My head turned around and saw him wearing the crappy school uniform. It didn't look so bad on him actually; he looked more mature. He sat in the same chair he sat in yesterday. "Oh hey Philip! Sorry about that. My head's like way off today."

"You ain't the only one!" he said as he pushed the big button on his computer while sipping the coffee he was holding. He asked, "So how's you?"

I told him about what had happened last night, everything, everything except the part when I was hugging Leo after that scary dream. We talked more and more; the topic was mostly about Leo. It seemed like he was interested in him. Not like in a homosexual way but as a friend. He started to think that Leo wasn't really such a bad guy after all when I described Leo to him more and more. Then we talked about our old schools, our old friends, and girls. "Damn, your school must be really cool! Ever went out with any chicks there?"

I pointed at myself, "I don't really dig children!"

He snickered a little, "Heheh! I mean the 'matured' ones. You know...those gold diggers who go out with you and just dump you for someone better!"

"Oh! Well...no, but by the way you described them, I'm betting you did and it ended up bad."

"Actually...I'm a lone wolf. No dates, no Saturday plans, no life! But I'm surprised at you! You look like a raver or something!" he commented while taking another sip from the styrofoam cup. I giggled at the thought that he thinks I'm a party boy. "Nah, I'm a lone wolf too...desperate to have a life!"

He laughed harder this time. Surprisingly, he reached out to me and patted my back, "There there...there there! How about it? Let's share some stories of the most boring times we ever had! I bet I can beat you!"

Before I could say another word, the school bell rang and Ms. Bey made us all shut up to do our work, but that didn't stop Philip from talking to me. He didn't speak to me, but he typed down something in his computer. When the teacher turned around, he immediately turned his monitor to face me. It was one of those 'what do you call' jokes...but this one was a really nasty joke. I shrugged my shoulders asking him what? He dragged his chair towards me, and quietly he whispered the answer in my ear, word by word followed by many giggles.

My stomach started to twist and turn and my lips started to twitch. 'Must not laugh, must not laugh, must not laugh' I screamed in my head. He knew that I was about to laugh. He repeated the punch line it a little bit louder, and before I knew it I was laughing like a madman, turning everyone's attention towards Philip and me. He was laughing too...at me that is. The teacher turned around, "Mr. Lauren! I don't have time to listen to your irritating laughter! My head is hurting and I have major PMS so shut up!"

Okay! Why did she have to say that she has...that? That's so just making everything worse. Philip giggled like mad, hiding his face away. He managed to repeat what the teacher said in a hippie voice, "P...M...S!"

Everyone started giggling like crazy, then the teacher turned deep red, I mean like tomato red! All of a sudden, she just snapped. Her eyes grew as big as golf balls, and is it just me or did her nails become longer? "That's it you two!!!! OUT!!!! Go to the office!!!"

The whole room became dead silent. All I could hear was the buzzing of the monitors and Ms. Bey breathing. Everyone stopped laughing. Then I objected. I'm not going to the office in the first day of school! "Miss, this is first official school day! You can't just throw us in the office. That's your PMS talking!"

"Jake Lauren and Mr. Rhyland, this is your last call, go to the office or I'll call the principal myself."

"Dude, can she really do that?" Philip blurted out. I replied, "Guess so, just look at her face!"

Quietly, both of us took our backpacks and zipped quickly out of the class. I don't know why, but I just started giggling. Who would've known being in trouble on the FIRST day could be so cool? Philip was giggling like crazy too. Trying to get to the office was like hell! The place was like a maze, probably designed for students who try to skip school. Personally, I was beginning to wonder if I would ever survive high school with these mazes and strict teachers. Finally, after several minutes of searching, we found the office and stayed there for the whole period. Once we found the office, we were told to sit down and shut up. We weren't allowed to talk or do anything except shut up and look pretty. It was really boring!

We were just staring at each other and ended up laughing. Don't ask me why! I just giggle every time he looks at me. Probably 'cuz I kept remembering what happened in Mrs. Bey's class. When the bell sounded to end first period, we were allowed to leave and go to our second period class.

Second period I was in for another shock. While Philip and I were talking in the class, guess who came in the room? Leo! I got nervous all of a sudden. Philip whispered, "Jake! Guess who's in our class?"

"I know, I know! Leo's here! Just calm down! If he tries to lay a hand on you, I swear I'd beat him up!" I said to Philip. Leo saw me and walked towards me smiling. "Hey Jake! Cool you're in my class! Who's your friend?"

Philip started to get uneasy. Who knows what Leo would do! We didn't expect this. Actually I hadn't even thought about Leo since I started talking to Philip this morning. I said clearing my voice, "I...uh...this is Philip! From uh...yesterday!"

"Oh...hey Philip, I'm Leo, Jake's best bud..." he said quietly while his smile diminished. Philip replied, "Yeah, he told me about you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

It was so weird, everything just went blank and there was a dead silence between me, Philip and Leo. I tried to say something to break it, but I just couldn't. This isn't going well. Just then, Leo blurted out, "Well...see ya both later in lunch okay?"

Then he just took off and sat in one of the seats 3 desks from us. This is so not cool. Philip sat there quietly throughout the period and so did Leo. I didn't mind though, I think both Philip and me were exhausted from giggling. Philip followed me when I went to my assigned locker while Leo just took off again without talking to me. Was it something I did? Doubt it...probably a male version of PMS.

"Isn't that a coincidence? My locker's just two lockers away from yours!" he said opening his locker and waving his hand trying to take away the stench of the locker. He threw his bag in and locked door quickly and walked towards me. "Mind if I share lockers with you?"

"Don't mind at all...unless Leo wants to share my locker with me, then that'll be a big problem" I explained.

"Umm...does he hate me? I just want to know, 'cuz if he does, I'll just back away from you. I don't want bad stuff to happen between you two just 'cuz of me."

"Oh dude you don't have to do that! It's his fault, so fuck him, all right? Besides, it's not like we're going out or something," I said trying to cheer him up. He smiled, "Yeah you're right. Sorry about that. One of those shitty feelings just came over me."

He knocked his head quite a few times making as best knock sounds as he could. It drove me to a few quiet giggles. Soon we went in the cafeteria and experienced the agony of eating cafeteria food! Oily fries covered with gravy, which was more like brown water. The beverage tasted like it had been rotting for quite awhile. Philip said in disgust, "Ugh!! The soup's got hair in it!"

He lifted a long strand of brown hair out of his soup looking at it in disgust while trying to not to barf. It was pretty gross, that I knew! He threw both his soup and the hair in the garbage and slumped on the table. I snickered, "You can have some of my fries if you want!"

"Ehh...nooo thanks!" he said smiling while shaking his head. "Oh, hi Clarrissa!" Clarrissa appeared out of nowhere and gave me a hug before sitting down. "Hi guys! Oh my gosh, you should've brought your own lunches! The food in here is like, way too costly, and it's like welfare food!" she said taking out a small lunch bag from her black bag. She had a club sandwich, which she shared with us since she couldn't finish it all. We thanked her while we engulfed the sandwich in less than five minutes. "Hey you guys, did you see Leo anywhere?"

"No. He was in our 2nd period class, but he's acting way weird again. Like he said hey to us, then like he just sat on one of the stools far away from us like he was trying to avoid us or something."

"Oh really?" she asked, somehow in a different voice which seemed odd coming from a girl who sounded so enthusiastic yesterday. Philip added, "Yeah, good thing he didn't beat me up!"

"Oh so you're in his class too?"

"Yup! Is there anything wrong with him...any diseases, missing syndromes or hormones, whatever? " he asked. Clarrissa giggled and shook her head. The tone of her voice reverted back to its old self. "No, I don't think so."

Hell, I didn't believe her. Leo is always like this. Every time there's something wrong he always disappears, never letting anyone know where he's going. Although now, I didn't know what his problem was. He's just becoming weirder and weirder...but then again, who isn't? Lunch passed by so fast and we didn't see Leo again until the last period where he was in my class, but Philip was in another. He smiled and pointed at the empty seat beside him for me. I sat down. "Where were you at lunch?"

"I went out for lunch. So Philip's not in this class huh?"

"Yeah he ain't. Dude do you hate him or something? I'm getting these weird feelings coming from you that you want to beat the hell out of him or something."

"No I don't hate him. I just don't like him, that's all, and I'd appreciate it if you don't hang out with him," he explained. He wasn't even looking at me, but instead he was staring at two girls sitting down in the front row of the class. What? Now he's trying to control my life? "Excuse me?"

"I said don't fuckin' be so overfriendly with that guy," he said frowning a bit. I whispered loud enough for only him to hear, "Don't you fuckin' act like my parents alright! Don't ever, EVER fuckin' tell me what to do!"

He looked at me surprised. I didn't know why I said that, probably because I couldn't take it anymore. I'm okay with him acting weird around me, but now he wants to control which 'friends' I should pick? What the hell is he thinking? I grabbed my bag from the floor and took off, sitting in another empty seat on the other side of the classroom. I knew he was looking at me from time to time, but I didn't look back. Soon, school was over and I left for home, walking with Philip to the bus station. We really didn't talk much. It's not his fault that it's quiet. He was trying to create a conversation but my thoughts were now concentrated on Leo. I really couldn't understand what he was saying. I gave him my number and told me that he could call me anytime he wants. He was glad, and in return, he gave me his number.

Another day flew by, then another, and before I knew it, the whole week had passed by already. The teachers had mellowed out a little, and the scary people seemed not to be as scary anymore. I started to interact with more people, some became my friends and others became acquaintances. Leo and I didn't say a single word to each other since the second day of school. I admit, I sort of missed him already. Not that Philip's presence bored me, but it's just not the same when Leo's not around. Philip was different. He's like the guy everyone would want. That's for sure. Everyday, my infatuation towards him climbs inches up the ladder. When I think of Leo, sex hormones kick in, and in my mind goes to a fantasy land where Leo and I are on the bed doing it like animals. But when it comes to Philip, it's really different. Instead of sex, it's holding hands; instead of blowjobs, it's sweet kisses under the moonlit sky. Don't get me wrong, I also wondered what would Philip look like in a jockstrap, or rather, nude.

"Got a minute?" I asked Leo when I saw him opening his front door. He smiled and let me in. Surprisingly, he was in a good mood. Leo sat greedily on his couch and rested his feet on the coffee table in front of him. I sat down on what little space he had left me on the couch. I snickered, pushing his legs away, "Could you move you asshole?"

He laughed, grabbing my shirt with his fist. "Come n' make me!"

We playfully rolled on the rug, pushing the coffee table out of place as our laughter rang our eardrums. All that tugging, kicking, screaming, shouting and pushing wore us out. I was panting, and barely caught the soda can he tossed me from halfway across the room. It fizzed a little as I opened it and drank it to quench my thirst. Because of the laughter and the play fight we had, I totally forgot why I came here in the first place. He sat beside me, and as usual, he spread his legs wide open like someone is about to suck him. "Hey Jake?"

"Y-yeah?" I asked still puffing and heaving great amount of air. He stared at me in a serious way then he smiled bashfully. "Sorry about last week."

I smiled and to breath slowly. "It's alright, in fact I was supposed to come here to apologize."

He smacked me lightly on the arm, calming saying that he knew by the look in my face. At that point, we became best friends again. I stayed the night at his house, knowing that next day was a school day. Everything just went well. Leo started hanging out with Philip and me at lunch and even walked home with us from school. They haven't really become good friends, but I guess they got used to each other's presence. While they'd probably never really fight, they never talked that much to each other either.

I did try to make them talk once in awhile, like for example, I'd excuse myself in a middle of a conversation pretending that I was going to the washroom, but when I looked back, they'd be sipping their beverages and acting like there was no conversation at all. I know it's a stupid way, but is there any way I could drive them to talk to each other? I gave up. No, it's just one of those 'never will be' things. I guess the reason they tolerated each other was because of my company. Hehe, isn't that flattering?

Two months later, the sun was setting earlier, and the breeze that used to refresh me from the pain of summer's heat had become so frigid that I had to wear a jacket everyday. The leaves were turning red and the grass paled in color. Leo seemed to become smarter and more beautiful everyday. Philip and I had become closer, and he also was becoming more gorgeous as time went on. I also noticed he had gotten a bit taller than me. Other than that, nothing really important happened during the first months of school. We were pretty busy just settling down in our school. I really didn't see Clarrissa that much. Sure, we saw each other hear and there and on the weekends when I'm at Leo's house, but we really didn't talk that much. I guess I was wrong about us becoming really good friends in the future. She's really kind and all, but I always have the feeling that she's too busy to talk to me. I don't mind really. It's not like she's everything to me.

The first day of 2nd term really sucked. Keyboarding class was over and Gym was its replacement, the most awful subject in high school. I don't even know what the point of Gym class was. It's not like we're not active. Being in school is too much already, and now Gym? Ugh. I even look stupid in a gym uniform. I'm not stocky, in fact I was a bit skinny myself, but I really looked stupid in gym shorts and gym shirt. Of course, I really didn't HATE Gym that much, I mean, I finally got to see Philip in shorts and a very loose shirt, so it wasn't all that bad. He actually looked really sexy just wearing his shorts, and once when it got REALLY hot in the gym one day since the heat in that room was turned on high, he removed his shirt while playing basketball. I had to think about this arithmetic problem just to keep myself from getting hard! Then came swimming...GASP! Let's just say that swimming class was like a period in heaven every day!

It was lunchtime, and my legs ached and itched from running nonstop around the soccer field during gym. We were so tired that I think Leo had to nudge both Philip and me in 2nd period just to check if we were still awake. Philip's head sunk on the lunch table while my hand supported my head from slamming down. I gazed at the swirl on Philip's hair as my eyelids became heavier and sleepier despite the loud racket in the lunchroom. Suddenly, someone grabbed my shoulders and shook me. "Wake up sleeping beauties!"

It was Clarrissa. She patted Philip's shoulder quite a few times before his head rose up. His eyes looked bloodshot from lack of sleep and he groaned, "What...what time is it?"

"It's bedtime sweetie!" Clarrissa said rubbing Philip's hair. He sighed and closed his eyes again. Clarrissa asked, "I know you both are tired n' all, but it's like, such a great day outside today!"

"Soooo?" Philip asked lazily. Clarrissa grinned from cheek to cheek. "C'mon, I have no one to go outside with! All my friends are like...angry at me n' stuff cuz I dated this guy that they like soo much, and like I dumped him the after one date, which was like two days ago. Anyhoo, they found out, and now and like they're soo pissed at me and stuff and they won't even like talk to me! Please you guys? It'll be like my treat! MY...TREAT!"

Philip stared at me and nodded. "We liked the plan B of Ms. Clarrissa here. Hell, why not...I was broke and sooo hungry anyway! Let's go..urrgh...someone help me please..."

I didn't care where we'd go anyways. Sure I was tired and wanted to stay inside, but it's hella nice outside anyways. It wasn't even chilly or windy outside. It was like one of those old summer's days.

Clarrissa babbled words a hundred miles a minute about bunch of guys she went out with how they tried to make the 'move' on her in the car or alone or something. She NEVER bores me since she always talks about guys, which is my favorite subject. They should have a subject in school that talks only about guys. It'd be such a great subject! I could talk honestly about which guys I like, which guys are cute, and which ones are to die for, rather than lying about who I like, or else, it's 'fag' this and 'fag' that. Clarrissa's really cool though about it. It's not like I told her about me being gay, but she lets me judge every guy she dates or used to date. I can say to her 'oh he's sorta good lookin'' or 'damn that guy's waaaay ugly!'...You know, phrases that aren't too gay or too straight.

We went to this Chinese restaurant where a lot of familiar faces I know from school hung out and ate. The place was crowded, but we managed to get some seats in the back, thanks to Clarrissa. She kept her promise and treated us, which was really nice of her to do. After we finished, we left and hung out in this playground near our high school. We sat on the swings and talked about the usual topics. Gay people did come into our conversation, but for some weird and really good reasons, both of them really didn't mind if they had a queer friend. Clarrissa even thought that it would be really cool to have a gay friend. Wait 'till she hears about me! Philip said he didn't care really if he had a gay friend, or whether that gay guy liked him or not, as long as the guy's cool and kind n' stuff he'd still be cool with him. Knowing that Philip was soo cool about gay guys made me like him even more. That day, I really felt like coming out to both of them since they're not gay bashers. The topic didn't really last that long since Clarrissa kept jumping from one subject to another.

The rest of the school day was really boring. Leo was pretty boring too. He didn't talk to me as much as he used to anymore. He used to be like Clarrissa babbling on and on about his day, but lately, he became really quiet and all. TGIF (Thank God it's Friday)! I couldn't stand another day in school without a break! After school, both Philip and I just slept at my house all afternoon, still tired from gym. I really couldn't sleep much though, since it was the first time I was sleeping with another person...in a friendly no-sex way like I do with Leo! Looking at him made me smile. He looked so peaceful with that drool on his cheek and his mouth a bit open. He murmured something and I think I heard my name, but it could have just been my imagination. He snuggled the pillow and crawled into a ball, pushing me away from him. How rude! He sure looked really, really cute though. To actually think that this guy hadn't dated or scored with a girl was too impossible for me to believe, but I sure liked him either way, and knowing that he never went on a single date made me feel...sorta wonderful that I'm not the only one who's dateless.

I fell asleep and woke up the middle of the night again unable to sleep. He was still there on my bed, curled up like a ball with pillows all around him. I went down to the kitchen to get some water and came back to my room. "You're awake too huh?"

I freaked, and almost dropped the glass of water I was holding. He snickered and moved over, giving me room to lie down. "Shit! You fuckin' scared me right there!" "Hehe, sorry," he said snickering. I continued, "Yeah, guess I'm still a little sleepy."

"Me too. Actually, I woke up 'cuz it sure felt hella weird then I totally remembered I was sleeping with you," he mumbled. I giggled from his mistake. He corrected himself, "I mean sleeping on your bed...there you go! Lemme have some of that water." I gave the half filled glass to him and he drank it all, not missing one single drop. He left it on the furniture beside him and he lied back down while I turned the lights off. My back was turned to him as I tried to go back to sleep too. He whispered, "Jake?"

I yawned. "Yeah?"

"Did you remember what we talked about with Clarrissa the other day after going to that Chinese restaurant?"

"It was just this afternoon, Philip! YAWN Yeah? Which one though...she babbled about a lot of things."

"Yeah this afternoon. Sorry, my head is all jumbled up right now...yeah she talked about that gay stuff."

"Oh yeah...what about it?" I asked.

"You think I'm weird?"

"What do you mean?" I asked getting confused now. He explained, "I mean like about saying that it's cool if other guys like me...in that way...n' stuff and being cool about homos...do you think it's weird of me to think that way?"

"Philip...personally, I don't think that's weird...actually...that's really cool n' stuff that you actually said and believe that. Besides, what you said sums up everything what I was about say too."

"Thanks man."

"No problem," I said closing my eyes again.

"Jake?"

I sighed, "Yeah?"

"Goodnight."

I heard the bed squeak as I felt him drawing closer to me. His chest brushed my shoulder as his head rose up as he leaned forward since my back was turned to him. I felt him pushing his two soft pink lips on to my cheek ever so gently. He kissed me on the cheek! It wasn't like a peck or something, but it was like...a simple kiss that you would give to your mom or dad. I gasped and almost screamed. He did it quite smoothly, not too hard...not too soft...but perfectly. His head disappeared and he went back to his sleeping spot on the bed. He whispered, "Don't tell anyone."

I'm getting mixed messages here! Hello! Philip you kissed me! You kissed me! No way!! Are you gay! Tell me please! "Alright...good night Philip...I'd return the kiss but my back is turned, and I'm in a perfect position."

He giggled, "Alright...good night."

He didn't say anything else that night. I was speechless...my first kiss from another guy...on the cheek though...but it was a kiss! A very mixed signal kiss! I touched my cheek where he kissed me. I didn't sleep anymore that night, but I was definitely smiling from midnight 'till dawn when I finally fell back to sleep! I mean...no way! He kissed me like it was that easy. Somebody pinch me please. Even though I really liked it...I really, really did by the way, I just wanted these feelings to stop. These feelings were tearing me up inside. Part of me wanted to touch him and kiss him, while another part of me wanted me to stay still and was questioning if he did that out of friendship or an example that he didn't care about gay people.

I woke up around 12pm and saw Philip down on the floor changing the channel on the television. His feet waved in the air while he laid on his stomach with his eyes glued on the TV screen. He must've heard me waken because he turned around and smiled. "Good...noon! Your parents just left to go to the grocery store and umm...Leo called, and yeah...that's it, and like your parents left breakfast on the table...which is really left over from what they gave me."

"Leo called? What time?" I asked since that was the only call I really cared about. "Yeah, he said something about calling him back or whatever. And like he told me to tell you to call him back."

I took the phone beside me and dialed his number. Leo picked up, "Hello?"

"Why'd you call?" I asked making another yawn. "You're soo fucking rude man! Not even saying hi or anything! Geez what kind of a person are you? Haven't your parents taught you manners?"

I giggled which made Philip turn around to look at me strangely. "I just woke up man."

"Philip's there huh?" he asked. I nodded and said, "Yeah so?"

"So hey, it's someone's birthday tonight...I don't know her name...but like the guy who told me to come also told me that I could bring some friends over, soo...wanna come with?" he asked smoothly. I yawned again, "Sorry...the yawning I mean. Sure I'll go...hey Philip?"

"Yeah?" Philip asked turning around to look at me again. I asked him, "Wanna go with me and Leo to this lameo party tonight?"

He raised his eyebrows saying, "Got nothing to do tonight, so yeah okay."

Leo suddenly shouted on the line, "Who said anything about inviting Philip?"

"Ahemm...I did!" I said sarcastically. Boy, what's with him all of a sudden? I continued, "Don't you fuckin' start with that thing okay?"

"Yeah okay, look I gotta go...someone's on the other line," he said, then hung up. I rolled my eyes and slammed the receiver down. Philip turned around again to look at me but he didn't say anything. Ugh, Leo's really pissing me off these days. Is it the signal that he's having his puberty or something, if it is, I wish it'd soon be over 'cuz I can't take it anymore. Philip went home a few hours later to get ready, but before I could even take a shower, he was back and waiting in the living room. Good thing my parents went somewhere to have their 'intimate' moments since I sure knew that they'd immediately say no when I asked them if I could come home late. After taking a quick shower, I did my hair and put on my best casual clothes. I went down stairs and met up with Philip in the living room. He was watching one of those police movies. He looked at me and half smiled, "You look sharp man!"

He did too, very much indeed. He was wearing black cargo pants with a stylish shirt on top. He had nicely gelled his hair, perfectly creating those spike hairs on the front and he was wearing a silver necklace that suited him finely. 'Sharp' I thought. 'Damn you look sexy.' I only wore simple black pants with nothing special on top. I don't know why he said I looked sharp, 'cuz I simply didn't. I just wore my simple casual clothes. We met up with Leo and Clarrissa at Leo's house and he looked hella gorgeous too.

The party was hella loud all right! Once we got in the porch we noticed that the door was wide open letting any guests or mobsters come in. Some kind of techno or jungle music deafened my ears, and a lot of people who I didn't know, walked by hitting my shoulders without even saying sorry. It sure smelled like weed in there. Both Leo and Clarrissa left before we knew it, leaving me alone with Philip. Did I mind? Of course not! It's Philip goddammit! I still couldn't forget that feeling when he kissed me on the cheek. It's just weird that he's acting like nothing even happened. We were sitting down on the couch with two other guys who we knew quite well. He smiled when he noticed me staring at him. "What?"

I shook my head, "Nothing."

I immediately turned away embarrassed, and gazed at the teenagers who were already dancing so close that they were bumping into each other. I took another sip of the punch, which tasted so bitter that my tongue grated on the top of my mouth. Tasted odd for a punch! Every single minute it started to get hotter and hotter while Philip and I just settled on the couch trying to waste time. Suddenly this girl came from out of nowhere and walked directly towards us. I noticed her looking at me trying to lock her eyes on mine. She sat on the armrest of the couch and yelled, which sounded like a whisper because of the music, "Wanna dance?"

I gazed at Philip, but he was sitting there lost in his own mind. I nodded and she took my wrist and pulled me towards the dance floor. Taking a closer look at her, I finally realized that she was the girl in my keyboarding class who sat not far away from me. Her name was Angela, I think. She's a looker all right. She had what people think is perfect for girls; nice shoulder length layered straight blonde hair, blue eyes, pink cheeks bright white teeth, nice wine glass boobs, and also a nice figure. I don't know why she asked me to dance. Probably she felt sorry for me, seeing me alone in the couch with no one to dance with. She smiled as we danced close to each other. "I'm Angela."

"I know. You were in my keyboarding class." I said looking straight in her eyes. The song changed into slow R&B music and soon everyone started dancing slowly now. She pushed herself closer to me, putting her arms on top of my shoulders while mine went around her waist. She smiled even more and her head managed to snuggle on the left side of my neck. Oooh boy! This is soo not a feeling sorry thing. I've seen this stuff in the movies before, and it always ended up pretty nasty, if you know what I mean. We turned around and around and I saw Philip sitting there, looking straight at me. The way he gazed his eyes towards me, it made me feel...different. His eyes reflected to me that he was somehow lonesome and in need of someone. It pitied me. I wanted to sit there just to be with Philip, but Angela held me close. My eyes locked up to his and I resisted turning around again. I gazed at him without realizing that the song became fast again. Angela giggled, "Can't get enough of me huh?"

"Wha...yeah...I guess," I said taking a quick look at her. I looked back where Philip was but I saw him standing up and walking out. This was the first time I ever saw him this way, it was like he was suddenly down. I looked at Angela and I told her I'd be back. She nodded and I think she rolled her eyes! Bah who cares! It's not like the end of the world. I yelled Philip's name trying to find him, but I guess he didn't hear me, or he wasn't there. I walked around the house that looked more like a mansion for about 20 minutes but I couldn't find him. I went outside and walked around the mansion trying to find him. Suddenly, someone startled me, "Jake, why are you here?"

I turned around and there he was. Philip was sitting down on steps of the backdoor. It was a completely isolated place. Trees stood everywhere and there wasn't a soul in around, except for him and me. It was sure dark, all right. The moon's dim glow was the only light. I sat beside him and I mimicked him by looking up at the stars. I didn't say anything. He sighed, "The moon looks peaceful huh?"

"Yeah...it does," I said turning my head to look at him. He quietly asked, "Thought you were dancing with Angela."

"Yeah...I was...until you left," I said trying not to look at him. I screamed back at my head at what I just said. Although, he didn't seem to take notice. "Oh sorry. I felt uncomfortable when you left to dance with Angela."

"Oh?"

"Yeah...I mean like I didn't know anyone there and I sat there like I was so in...

He babbled on and on. He was looking up at the sky so calmly, and his eyes were reflecting the moon's dim light. These weird feelings started creeping up into me again, but I didn't care now. I moved an inch closer to him every minute or so until our shoulders were touching. I brought my head closer to his and called out his name. "What is it?"

I didn't say anything. Our eyes gazed at each other. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I was in a trance or something. His hazel eyes glimmered in the dark night. Neither he nor I said a single word. I couldn't control myself. "Philip..."

I pushed myself closer to him and his lips met mine. Strange but incredibly sensational feelings grew inside me. My fingers tingled, and inside my shoes my toes couldn't stop rubbing each other. My heartbeat pumped like I had run around the world without stopping to take a breath. I removed my lips from him, and like every night when I wake up in the night from the cold breeze, I felt cold and alone again. He sat there looking at me in awe. I ruined it. Fuck...I really did. My heart was beating so hard I thought I was having an attack. My stomach twisted and turned from nerves. I was trying hard not to look at him. Suddenly, he broke out a bashful smile and said, "Wow! That was good! I mean...wow! What was that for?"

His warm smile started to comfort me and I couldn't help myself from smiling too. "Well, that was kinda like a payback kiss from last night. Since my back isn't turned now...I decided...to hell with it."

"Oh..." he said. A strange silence lingered around until I blurted out, "Why?"

"Hrm?" he asked confusingly. I explained, "Philip, all day I've been wondering...why did you kiss me? Was it because of a bet...or to prove that you're okay with gays...or...is it because...you were trying to say something..."

"I...uh..." he was stuck. I said, "It's okay. You don't have to tell me. I'm just wondering what kind of kiss with that I mean I don't ge..."

I didn't even get to finish what I was about to say when he held my face with his warm hands and turned my chin so we were looking directly at each other. I couldn't move...rather...I was too in shock to move. I felt his hands shaking as his thumbs slowly made circular movements around my cheeks. He closed his eyes as his head moved closer to me. He kissed me. I closed my eyes quickly, feeling the strange feelings again tickling me the insides of me. His lips were like smooth feathered pillows, gentle and soft. Every time his lips found their target I sighed in delight. I could feel him smiling by the way his kisses sent me to WAY beyond bliss. My hands nervously crawled around him and soon I was hugging him tightly when I felt his tongue slowly penetrating my mouth. I purred as his each kiss he gave tickled me making my heart jumpy inside.

I smiled after his kisses stop. We gazed at each other's eyes, holding our hands with deep crimson on our cheeks. I knew now who I wanted, the person that would connect with my inner thoughts, my feelings, and who'll share my love, the one who'd like me for who I am, who'd love me in the future, who'd take me to eternal bliss when I need it, the one who'd be my first and last...Philip.