Confusion Rains

Confusion Rains - Part Five

by ds elliot

The story of two gay high school students discovering each other.

All rights reserved. This story may not be distributed on or linked to any other sites including pay sites without the express permission of the author.

Copyright 2004.

This story contains descriptions of sexual contact between two young men. This is a story of intimate sexual contact and discovery. If you are not of legal age in your area to read stories of this nature or if you are offended by stories of this nature, please navigate to another site and stop reading now.

I would appreciate your comments, suggestions, and constructive criticisms. You can contact the author at: dselliot28@yahoo.com

and now for Part Five....

Waiting for Ty was difficult. More than anything I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I wanted to find some way to blame him for what we did the night before. I wanted this to be his fault. Inside I knew that it wasn't his fault, but I wanted to blame him for tricking me into sex with him. Perhaps what most frustrated me was the knowledge that I wanted him as much or more than he wanted me. What scared me was the fact that Tyler, with all of his faults, was the man I wanted to be with. Why couldn't I just move on? I wanted so much to have what we did last night on a regular basis. I loved him. He told me he loved me. Was he just saying that? Did he really mean it when he said it or was it just something he said to everyone after amazing sex? If he loves me then why won't he try to change his attitudes and outlooks and behaviors? Why does he have to be so insecure about his masculinity? He's one hell of a good looking guy. I'm sure I'm a little prejudiced, but he really is one of the better looking men on campus. No one would ever guess that he's not all man. There isn't a single thing he does that could be considered feminine. Why is this so difficult for us?

The door opened. As I looked at Ty's body wrapped in the towel, I was consumed by lust. I wanted to strip that towel away and start where we left off last night. I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I pulled out some of my clean clothes to give to Ty. He dressed and we headed out towards breakfast. We didn't talk much -- just sat together quietly with our own thoughts as we ate. Instead of heading back to my room we walked around campus. He said,

"Brandon, I want you to know that I didn't try to trick you into sex last night. I wasn't trying to manipulate you in any way. I won't deny that I wanted to have sex with you. I always want that, but I didn't set out to take advantage of you. It just started and I couldn't help myself. I was so into it that I don't think I'd have been able to stop if the room had been on fire. I don't want you to feel like we did something wrong."

"I don't think it was wrong - at least not in the sense that it was something we shouldn't have done. It was wrong for me to allow it to go in that direction, but I know I wanted what we did at least as much as you did. I don't blame you for anything. I'd like to blame you, but I knew where it would lead when we started so it isn't your fault. You shouldn't feel bad about anything that happened."

"So you're ok with it then?"

"Ty... I want that more than anything. I'd be happy if we could be together and do that every day -- all day. In my opinion there isn't anything wrong with the sex we have. I have always found it exciting and pleasurable and satisfying. I hope you get as much out of it as I do. I want it to be as much fun for you as it is for me. I think that it must be because you keep coming back for more. The most difficult thing I do is try to resist you. When you came back from the shower this morning I wanted nothing more than to rip that towel off you and start where we stopped last night."

"You want to head back tot he room?"

"Actually I do, but we aren't going to do that. I love you, Ty -- and I've heard you tell me you love me. I don't think I know what love is anymore. I used to think it was finding someone special and sharing this wonderland of a life together with a 'happily ever after' quality to it. It just isn't working out that way for us. It seems that we spend more time hurting each other than loving each other. You've hurt me with your words and behaviors and I've hurt you with words and my behaviors -- and then we hurt ourselves by not being able to find a solution to our problems. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. What scares me is that I know you aren't really in the same place. That makes me vulnerable because it opens me up to more hurt. It gives you the chance to have what you want on your terms, but I already know your terms hurt me. It breaks my heart when you hurt me. I know you don't intend to do it, but it happens. I know you're sorry after the fact, but that doesn't ease the hurt or take away the pain. I've never been a casual sex kind of guy. I have to feel a connection with the other person before I share that intimate contact. I know most guys aren't like that -- and I know you aren't like that. I can't have just a sexual relationship with you because when we are having sex I'm more involved in it than simply following an urge to bust a nut. You might want more than just sex with me -- you've hinted at that, but you just don't seem to be ready for the responsibility that entails. It's a commitment, Ty. You've got too many other things in your world to be troubled with making one more commitment. You've got baseball and school and a scholarship that you're going to have to work hard to keep this quarter. You don't need the pressure of another responsibility. I want you to see a therapist and get your head on straight -- come to terms with who you are and what we're doing so you can be proud of yourself and me and our shared love. I don't think there's enough hours in the day to accomplish all of those things. I hoped withholding sex from you would motivate you to find yourself -- to see a therapist, but it hasn't. All it does is frustrate both of us. I know if I just continue to having sex with you on your terms I'm going to be hurt again -- and hurt soon. It's the pattern we've established. A month or two from now I will see or hear something that will make me feel like you are ripping my heart out. I don't want that, but I don't want to deny myself the sex we share either. What the fuck do I do?"

"Brandon, I'm tired of the life I've been living. When we're together my world is a much happier place. When we aren't I just spend my time thinking about you. I wonder what you're doing -- if you're dating -- if you're having sex with someone else. It all drives me crazy. I've known I liked guys from the time I was 12 or 13. I didn't like it. What kid wants to be different? I'm trying to accept it and live with it, but it isn't easy. I was raised by a redneck. This guy didn't like women because my mom left him. I never blamed her for leaving him, but I do blame her for not taking me with her. During all my early years I heard him call my mom a 'damn cunt' or 'tramp' or 'white trash whore'. The stuff I heard about gays was just as bad or worse. I didn't want to be one. The only things I knew about gays were the things I heard him say, and all of what he said was gross and disgusting. With him as my role model is it any wonder I'm fucked up? The personal struggle has always been hard. I can't tell you how many times I thought about suicide when I was in high school. It might have seemed like I was the guy with it all together, but inside I was a fucked up mess. I hated the fact that I liked guys. I hated the fact that I couldn't change that no matter how hard I tried. I hated the fact that I didn't have anyone to talk to about it. I felt ashamed and embarrassed and alone. Meeting you was good for me. I don't know why I was first drawn to you, but I felt this connection when we had lunch that first day. When I saw you all dressed up that first time in normal clothes, I knew I was sexually attracted to you. I couldn't keep my hands off you. I jacked off all the time back then thinking about you and what we'd do. I know I've got a lot of issues to deal with, but I honestly believe that I can deal with those issues with your help. Please stick with me. I swear I'll do whatever you want. I can't live like I have been the last two years. If you tell me to wear a sign that tells the world I'm gay, I will. I don't want to do that, but I want to be with you more than I want to play ball. If it means that I lose my place on the team or my scholarship then I'll deal with it. I'm tired of trying to hide because it only ends up hurting me more than anyone else -- and I know how much it's hurt you."

"I don't want you to wear a sign or make any announcements. I really think my therapist will be able to help you cope -- show you some other ways to deal with your concerns. It doesn't mean you're crazy or anything. It just means you're smart enough to know when to ask for help."

"You know I did see him a couple of times after you recommended him. I tried, but I was feeling too insecure to deal with going into the center to talk with a shrink. I'm past that now. I'm really ready to ask for help and try to take the advice. I know I've asked you for a lot of chances in the past, and I've blown each one you've given me. Please give me one more chance, Brandon. I know I don't have any right to ask, but please don't go out looking for someone else. I don't want to lose you. I never wanted to lose you. You're the best thing to ever happen to me. Please believe me -- just one more chance. I promise you won't regret it. I'll do whatever you say even no sex if that's what you want. Please just give me this quarter to show you I can be what you want."

"I can do that. I don't want to deny myself the sex though. All that does is frustrate me, and if we are seeing each other on a regular basis I already know that I won't be able to control that desire. I don't want to beat myself up when my resolve melts away, and I don't want to try to blame you for having that effect on me. I'm very attracted to you. Hey Ty, when did your mom leave?"

"She left when I was in first grade. She told me that she was going and couldn't take me along because she didn't know where she was going or what she would do. She just knew that she couldn't stay with my dad. He was pretty abusive. I remember they fought all the time -- lots of yelling and hitting. My mom was really a great person. I know it probably doesn't seem like it because she left, but she had to save herself. She use to take me to church on Sunday when I was a kid. I loved going to church with her. I guess it was the mystery and majesty of the service or something -- maybe it was just being there with her. My dad never went with us. It was like a peaceful and private time I got to have with just her -- with no fighting or yelling -- just mom and me."

"Would you like to go to church with me today? There might be a service this evening we could attend."

"Actually there is a service at 7:00 this evening. I checked my freshman year when I was feeling alone and confused and hating myself. I thought church would help, but I never did go. I would like to go with you though. It's a Catholic service. Is that ok with you?"

"Sure, it's fine. I've never been to a Catholic service before. My parents took me to a church when I was younger, but they stopped dragging me along with them when I was 16 and announced that I didn't want to go. It was a pretty liberal non-denominational service they attended -- mostly just a lot of bad singing mixed with prayers and a long sermon. I'm sure it would be much more enjoyable to go with you though."

"Brandon, you won't regret giving me one more chance. I wouldn't believe me if all of this was the other way around, but you'll see. My problem hasn't ever been not knowing all this stuff about myself. My problem has been accepting it. I mean... I've known I was gay for years, but I didn't want to acknowledge that fact and accept it. I didn't want it to be part of who I was. I've known that I loved you since the first time I saw the real you, but I didn't want to admit it and accept it because that meant that I had to admit that I was gay. I've known that I couldn't live without you since the first time you left me behind fall quarter of our freshman year, but I didn't want to admit that I was in love with a guy. I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that you were more important than everything else. I've known that when it came down to it I'd sooner tell the world I was gay than risk losing you if that was what I had to do. I didn't want it to come to that, but I knew that I would if that is what it took to keep you. One area where I really have some difficulty still is what I prefer sexually with you. I know it has something to do with my confused view of being a man, but I have a hard time accepting the fact that I prefer to have you inside of me rather than the other way around. It probably seems like a stupid thing to you, but I don't know, it's just hard for me to accept. I guess in my confused view of things the man should always be on top -- should be dominate in the relationship, but I really enjoy the submissive role. I don't know that I ever would have let anyone aside from you do that to me. I've thought about that a lot. I can't imagine ever letting any other guy do that even after finding out how much I like it that way. I guess that is one for the doc."

"You've made a lot of progress already. I'm proud of you! We'll get where you're going eventually. The important part is that you're making progress on your journey to acceptance of yourself. And Ty... You really are the dominate member of our relationship. You always instigate sex. You know how to wind me up so tight that I feel like I'm gonna explode. I've never thought less of you because you prefer the bottom position. You still seem in control to me. I don't know if you listen to yourself during sex, but you are constantly telling me what to do and how to do it to give us both pleasure."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be telling you what to do during sex. I didn't realize I did that."

"It's ok, Ty. That is communicating. It's one of the things that makes sex between us great. You tell me what you want and need and how to do it for you. I really like the help because I get amazing pleasure in return. You are the one who taught me about sex and teaches me more each time. I'm not complaining at all. It is the absolute best experience I've ever had, and I can't imagine it would be any better with anyone else."

"Lets go home..."

Back in the room we held each other for as long as we could. We were all talked out. There didn't seem to be anything left to say. Ty had a conditioning class at 2:00. I had lunch with Mark and Lyle at 1:00 so I had to leave first. I drove to Lyle's apartment. They were both there waiting for me. They had made lunch for me -- a really nice gesture since I thought we'd be going to a restaurant. I told them both about what had been happening over the summer up to our talk today. Mark was encouraged that Tyler seemed to be on the right track. Our conversation was very emotional for me. These were the only two guys I felt I could talk with about Ty and me. When I felt my eyes welling up with tears, the dam finally broke. I didn't want to cry, but I found that I couldn't stop. They both tried to comfort me through my tears. As I got up to leave, Mark pulled me into a strong embrace. Holding me tightly to his chest he told me that I could always come to them whenever I needed support. He vowed that he'd be there for both of us as we worked this all out. He kissed my cheek. Lyle then hugged me and kissed my cheek and reinforced what Mark had said about being there for us. I thanked them and was happier to know that I had someone to talk with besides my therapist. These guys were living proof that we could work. Lyle commented as I was leaving that Ty and I had to be the most attractive couple on campus. He had met Tyler a couple of times when visiting Mark at the dorm. He told me that he didn't think it was possible that there could be anyone better looking than Mark and Ty until he met me. It wasn't a come on. It was just Lyle being supportive and sweet. I didn't think anyone was better looking that Ty. He was a perfect specimen of the college man -- handsome face, perfect body, great personality -- no one could ever want for more. I realized that I didn't hurt anyone's eyes when they looked at me, but I never did see myself as anywhere near Ty's league when it came to looks. It was nice to be flattered. I guess I needed that.

Ty and I had dinner early then walked the six or so blocks to church. Going to church wasn't high on my priorities in life, but I did get an uplifting feeling from the experience -- that whole greater power aspect of church I guess. It was also good to have one more thing that Ty and I could share. He seemed even more bolstered by the church service so we decided to make it a regular part of our weekly routine. I would go for no other reason than to spend the time with Ty.

Classes didn't start again until Wednesday so we had a few more days to adjust to college life. It was great to get back in the swing of things. I did enroll in two evening classes that taught self-defense. Each class met for 1 ½ hours two days a week. I was taking a boxing class and a marshal arts class. I really had no idea what to expect from either, but I was anxious to learn. It would be good to have something physical to do besides weight lifting and swimming. When I told Ty he decided to take the marshal arts class with me. I was glad that we had one more thing to do together. Ty wanted to teach so he was busy with his major. He wanted to teach History. It always amazed me how knowledgeable he was about current events as well as world history. I thought he'd be a great teacher -- I mean what kid wouldn't like to have that handsome man teaching the class? He also wanted to coach baseball. I know when he was in high school his dream was to be a professional baseball player, but I guess he realized just how few players made it to that level. All of a sudden he seemed to be planning for an alternative reality. I knew if he got the chance to play pro ball he would certainly take it, but if that offer didn't come I was glad that he had another plan. I had decided that I really wanted to work with troubled kids as a counselor. I wasn't yet certain if I wanted to have a private practice or work as a school counselor, but either way I knew the direction I was headed.

At dinner Tuesday Tyler told me that he'd spoken to my therapist and made an appointment for Wednesday evening while I was in my boxing class. I was glad that he could work with the same man that I had been talking with for the last two years. I thought it could help him get a jump on his solutions since I'd certainly shared enough about Ty over that time to make him well known to the doctor. Ty seemed pleased that he was going to be seeing the same doc too.

The marshal arts class was awkward at first. Because Ty and I were similar in size we were often matched to be opponents. I just didn't like the idea of doing anything that might hurt him -- and we were learning how to defend ourselves with some basic flips and kicks. That all changed when Ty flipped me the first time. It didn't so much hurt and shocked me. Once he did that I realized that it didn't really hurt and if I could take it then he certainly could. I began to be much more aggressive. The same seemed to be true in boxing. I was great working out on the bags alone, but just really didn't want to hit anyone until I got hit first. Once that happened I didn't have any trouble switching to a more aggressive role. The coach used to yell at me to start out more aggressively. I always tried, but it always seemed that the first punch I took got me motivated to attack. Once I got started I always won the match. I was light on my feet -- the coach said that -- and was good at anticipating and evading my opponent. He told me I'd be a natural if I just would start out attacking.

The final event in the boxing class was the Saturday before finals. We were all matched with someone from a different class in our weight division. Each event consisted of three 3-minute rounds with the judges decision final. I wasn't all that interested in the whole event, but it was the only way to really test myself to see if I actually learned anything. By the time the quarter was over it seemed all of us in the class knew each other's moves pretty well just be virtue of learning together. Ty wanted to come to my event. I told him I would probably be there most of the afternoon because I wanted to support the guys in my class as they had their events. He was interested and still wanted to come along. There were more people at the event than I expected. It seemed that everyone had invited friends to view their match and lend support.

My event was midway into the day. As I learned who I would be boxing I admit that I was a bit intimidated. He wasn't quite as tall as me, but he certainly looked much bigger. His arms seemed huge and his legs looked like tree trunks. The coach gave me a few pointers about his style before the match. I learned that his game was to hit hard -- going for a knockout right out of the gate. I was in the ring with the guy from my class that I usually boxed against. He would be up next. He was dressed and ready for his round. He was talking with me telling me to go out aggressively. I was doing all the things we were taught to do to psych myself up for the match. My classmate punched me hard in the gut. I was stunned and pissed. He looked at me and told me to pretend that my opponent just landed the first punch. The bell rang, and his strategy worked. I was aggressive when the match started. I landed several good punches to the head and body, but this guy just kept coming back for more. When he did swing I could see and feel the power of his punches as the blows glanced off my body. By the middle of the second round I felt I knew where he was weakest and took my shot. He dropped his guard when he was getting ready to throw a punch. As his guard came down I put everything I had into one solid punch to the chin. He went down hard. At first I was surprised. I was even more surprised when he didn't get back up. He was just sprawled on the mat -- out cold. I panicked thinking I killed him. The round was stopped when he didn't get up in the allotted time. I was kept in my corner despite wanting to go over to him to apologize and make sure he was still alive. He was revived with smelling salts and helped up. He was walking around the mat with the help of his coach. At least he was alive. Ty was going crazy at ringside as I stepped out. The guys were slapping me on the back and congratulating me. Even the coach was very impressed with my round. The guys took off my head gear and gloves. I spit out the mouth protector. Ty was hugging me and bouncing me around like a sack of potatoes he was so excited. He let me down when I was called back in the ring for the 'official' results of the match. My opponent was back in the ring when the ref raised my arm pronouncing me the winner by a knockout. I congratulated my opponent and told him I was sorry for the way it ended. He told me not to be sorry because that is what he was trying to do to me. His comment made me realize that fighting wasn't about an even match at all. It was only about winning -- being the last man standing.

Around the end of October Ty had been trying to reach his dad with no luck. During the first part of November he learned that his home phone had been disconnected. Ty called one of the guys he new at the factory to learn that his dad was fired back in late September because he came to work drunk for about the hundredth time. He hit the supervisor who fired him and was facing assault charges. In addition to that his dad had also totaled his truck when he ran into a telephone pole. He didn't have insurance on the truck so had a ticket for that as well as a DUI because his alcohol level was over three times the legal limit. He knew that his dad wasn't in jail right now, but didn't know for sure where he was other than perhaps at the bar where he usually drank. I offered to take Ty home that weekend, but he didn't want to deal with his dad right then. He told me he'd see him at Thanksgiving.

Ty spent Thanksgiving with my family because his dad was a drunken mess. We both went to Ty's place to see what condition he was in. The house was a complete mess. Every room was in a shambles. We could smell rotting food when we opened the door. Ty's dad wasn't around. After checking out the house we went to the bar where he usually hung out. The owner of that bar told us he wasn't allowed in there anymore and suggested we check another place. We did finally find him. He looked like hell. He hadn't shaved in at least a week and probably hadn't changed clothes in at least that long. It was impossible to try to talk with him because he kept repeating the same old shit over and over again. He was drunk and still being served. Ty tried twice more to see him over that weekend, but he could never find him outside of the bar. No one knew where he went when the bar closed, but he wasn't going home any of the nights while we were in town. Ty and I did our best to clean the place up. We did laundry and picked up the place and threw away all of the mess in the kitchen. I offered to buy food for his dad, but Ty said that it would likely just rot like everything else in the kitchen.

Ty was obviously upset. I know he felt helpless because he couldn't even get his dad to sober up enough to just talk. He did talk with a long time neighbor who promised to call Ty at school if there was any problem. He also talked with one of the guys who'd been a friend of his dads asking him to check on him once in a while and to call Ty if there were any problems.

I was asked to tutor one of the freshmen who was having difficulty with a basic English class. I had done well in the class and considered the instructor a friend because we just seemed to hit it off. The guy I was tutoring was the typical boy next door/everyone's little brother type. You couldn't help but like the guy. He was funny -- the class clown in high school I'm certain -- and basically a little lazy when it came to his study habits. I suspected he got his grades back then because of his charm, sense of humor, and his innocent looks. The sessions were supposed to be two one-hour sessions each week, but quickly turned into more frequently when he, Tony, would drop by my room under the pretext of needing help with something or another. Those visits usually turned into sessions of horsing around and occasionally wrestling matches that I always won despite his efforts to get the better of me. I'd been tutoring him for about three weeks when the opportunity arose to introduce him to Ty. Tyler took an immediate dislike to the guy. That was really unusual for Ty because he was normally the guy who liked everyone -- Mr. Congeniality. Tony would occasionally see us at dinner and join us. Ty would tolerate his presence at the table, but really didn't go out of his way to be nice. On a couple of occasions Tony would find me in the dining hall and would join me before Ty would show up. That really seemed to upset Ty more than anything. When I asked Ty about it he said.

"Can't you see that he is just looking to get into your pants? It so obvious that he wants you."

"Ty... What are you talking about? He's never done anything to indicate to me that he's gay or wants to do something like that."

"Trust me! That's what he's after. I don't trust the guy. I don't like it when you see him."

"That seems a little bit of an over reaction. I just tutor the guy and he sometimes has a meal with us or stops by the room to visit. I think he's just having some trouble adjusting to college life -- first time away from home kind of thing. I think he's just looking for a friend is all. He's never even asked if I'm gay or anything like that. I just don't know where you get that he's gay."

"I just know it. I don't know how I know it, but I know he is gay. I know he's after you. I don't like it."

"Do you trust me?"

"Sure I trust you. I just don't trust him."

"I would never do anything to mess up what you and I have going. I've waited a long time for us to get to the point where we are now. I'm totally happy with you and have no desire to have sex with anyone else. Tony might be cute, but he's like a little brother. I don't find him sexually attractive."

"So you think he's cute?"

"Ty. you missed the whole point of what I was trying to say. I don't want anyone but you period. If my tutoring him bothers you or if you don't like having him join us while we eat then I will find him another tutor and tell him that I can't be his friend. I don't see a problem really -- even if he did see me sexually and wanted something more I wouldn't let that happen. What I have with you is too important to jeopardize so if it bothers you as much as you're telling me I will talk with Tony tomorrow."

"I guess I'm being jealous and over protective. I know you can handle yourself, I just don't trust him. I'll try to have an open mind about him. If he ever tries anything though I will beat the crap out of him. No one messes with my man."

"You are so cute when you're jealous. That's a side of you I haven't seen before. Why don't you come over here so I can show you just how much I want only you?"

Needless to say, great sex followed that conversation. I don't see how Ty could ever question my love and devotion to him after that round of love making. I certainly did my best to show him that he was the only man I wanted in my life. I did notice a few weeks later that Tony did become more physical -- seeming to touch me more -- a hand on my thigh or back, more playful punches, just more touchy-feely in general. I confronted Tony about his actions. I think I scared him at first, but when he realized that I wasn't going to physically hurt him he calmed down to the point were we could discuss his behavior and desires. Tyler was right -- Tony was gay and did find me attractive. He didn't know for certain if Ty and I were a couple, but he didn't like Ty either though didn't have a specific reason for not liking him. I tried to let Tony down easy by telling him how flattered I was that he was interested in me that way, but that I just wasn't at that point in my life. I didn't tell him I was gay and he didn't ask. I did tell him that he would find someone. I also told him that I'd be happy to continue as his tutor and friend if he felt he could set aside his sexual attraction to me. He wanted to try. When I told Ty about that talk with Tony, he seemed much happier. The result was that he was much nicer to Tony when we did see him around campus or at a meal. Gradually we were all becoming friends.

Ty had been attending regular sessions with the therapist and seemed to be making progress in dealing with his issues. The therapist was encouraging him to come out to someone besides me. Ty and I talked about it for weeks before he actually decided that he was willing to take that chance. The doctor had suggested a family member or friend from home so that he didn't disrupt his life at school, but Tyler couldn't really think of anyone at home he wanted to tell. His dad was out if for no other reason than that he was likely too drunk to even know what he was saying. Tyler finally decided that he would tell his roommate, Mark. I was extremely pleased with his choice because of what I knew and Ty didn't. I wasn't going to make it easier for him either. He had to do this all on his own if he was going to do it. It was important for him to know all of the emotion that went into that decision to tell someone. He had to decide that he was ready to come out and face all of the unknowns everyone else faces. Ty continued to labor over the decision for several days before he told me that he was going to tell him on a Thursday evening. I called Mark to alert him that Ty was planning to come out to him that week. Mark suggested that I should be at Lyle's so that he and Ty could walk over after their talk and celebrate his coming out. I thought that would be an excellent idea. Lyle called me the next day to make arrangements for the celebration. I gave Lyle money for a couple bottles of good champagne. I would go to their place while Ty was with Mark. After Ty told Mark, Mark was going to come out to Ty. After that they would walk over to Lyle's which was just a short walk from campus. I asked Mark not to tell Ty I would be there or that I knew about them. He agreed that it would be great to see the look of surprise on Ty's face when he realized that I already knew.

Listening to the replay of the talk Mark and Ty had in their room seemed a mix of trepidation on both their parts since Mark was as anxious as Ty to get the news out but just as scared. It took Ty about an hour of hemming and hawing around to finally get to the point. When he did tell Mark he whispered it to him. At the point when Ty finally said it, Mark said that it seemed this huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Mark held out his hand to shake Ty's. As Ty took his had Mark pulled him out of his chair and hugged him. When they pulled back from each other Mark told him he was glad that Ty finally found his balls and could tell him what he already knew. Ty was floored and of course wanted to know how he knew. That was when Mark told Ty that he was gay too. Mark said that Ty nearly collapsed on the floor with that news. They both hugged some more and shed tears of relief at finally getting their news out to the other. That was when Mark told Ty that he wanted to take him to meet his partner. All the way to Lyle's apartment Ty was talking about how he just assumed that he was going to his girlfriends place all this time. Ty couldn't believe that they'd been roommates for over two years and he didn't suspect a thing. Ty was also anxious for Mark to meet his partner and wanted to call me to tell me the news. Mark told him he could tell me from Lyle's, but Ty never expected me to be sitting on the sofa when he walked into the apartment.

The look on Ty's face was priceless. It was one of disbelief and confusion and a million questions. Lyle opened the champagne and poured everyone a glass. Mark made a toast. We all clicked glasses and took a drink. After the drink Mark told Ty that he came to talk to me before finals the first year. He told Ty that he told me he was gay and was concerned about him. Mark explained everything to Ty who listened in disbelief. Ty grabbed me around the neck in a very playful manner and asked me why I didn't tell him. I explained that it was Mark's choice to come out to him and not mine to out him. Ty understood and really seemed so much more secure with the knowledge that there were friends he could trust. Ty immediately started talking about how great it would be if we could set up the same arrangement Mark and Lyle had with the apartment off campus. I told him that we could have had that already this year if he hadn't fucked up so badly during the summer. Ty just laughed and said that if he'd only known it was possible to have this he would have been a good boy. I laughed at that.

Ty and I both finished with fall quarter finals on Wednesday. We decided to stay on campus until Saturday to check out some local apartments so we could see what was available and check prices. Ty had also talked with Mark about staying with Lyle that Wednesday night because Ty wanted to have sex with me in their room. I didn't understand the point of going there when we had the privacy of my room, but Ty was insistent that we do it in his room at least once and Wednesday was our night to do it. We went to the room after dinner and did have great sex. The room didn't make it any better, but it was always fun to have a change of scenery. We slept in Ty's bed until the phone rang in the middle of the night. Ty climbed over me to get the phone. It woke me too so I was sitting up when he answered it. From Ty's side of the conversation I could tell that something was wrong, but I couldn't make out what exactly. When he hung up the phone he told me that his dad had been found dead. I held Ty as he cried at the news. I don't think anything can ever prepare one for the loss of a parent even if that person hasn't been the best parent. Ty had often told me that his dad was going to drink himself to death, but neither of us thought it would be so soon. Ty told me that they didn't know the cause of death yet but that an autopsy was scheduled.

Tyler slumped down on his bed while I busied myself with packing his things for our trip home. I grabbed everything I thought he would need for the nearly three weeks of winter break. When I finished with his things I brought him with me to my room where he sat on the bed while I packed my clothes. When I had all of our stuff ready I took the bags to the car then went back to get Ty. We left for home. It was just after 5:00 when we pulled into my parents house. There were no lights on yet, which wasn't unusual at this early hour. My parents were light sleepers or so it always seemed because I could never sneak in late when I was a kid -- they always knew when I came home. This time was no different. I took Ty down to my room, pulled back the covers then sat him on the bed. I took off his shoes then pulled the blanket over him. He hadn't talked much since the news. I thought he was probably in a mild state of shock. When I turned to leave the room I saw my dad at the door. I closed the door to my room and told my dad the news as we walked down the hall toward the kitchen. He had just started a pot of coffee when my mom joined us in the kitchen. I told her about Ty's dad. They both knew from our trip home at Thanksgiving that Ty's dad was drinking a lot, but none of us knew it was as bad as it now seemed to be. My mom started to make a list of all the things that would need to be done for the funeral. I hadn't even gotten to that point in my thought process yet.

My mom started breakfast just after 7:00. When it was nearly ready I went to check on Ty. If he was sleeping I planned to let him sleep, but he was just staring at the wall. He had tears in his eyes and the pillow was damp. I helped him up then took him to the bathroom. I moistened a towel and wiped his face of the tears. He seemed so out of it. I took him to the table in the kitchen and got him seated. He did eat, but it seemed to be out of habit and not hunger. I don't think he tasted a single bite, but at least he'd have a full stomach. When he finished eating he held my mom and just cried. She did her motherly thing to comfort him yet allowed him to get rid of all the emotions he was holding inside. I thought he'd never stop crying. I found that I too had tears streaming down my face as I watched and listened to Ty's pain.

Ty looked so drained when he released my mom. There was such sadness in his eyes. My mom told me that Ty needed to rest. She told me to go with him to bed to get some sleep. Dad told us he'd make some calls and start making the necessary arrangements. Ty just nodded and walked with me to my room. I took off Ty's clothes and helped him into bed. I stripped down and climbed in with him. I wrapped my arms around him and we drifted off to sleep. It was mid afternoon when we got out of bed. Ty looked better for the rest he'd had, but he still wasn't looking his best. We showered and dressed for the rest of the day. Ty wanted to go by his house just to see what was up there. The place was a mess again as we walked through the house. I think Ty was at least trying to relive happier times he'd had there. I didn't know if there were any, but I hoped for his sake he could find some to help give him closure. After that he wanted to get more information so we went to the police station. Ty couldn't remember who called him at school, but the officer at the desk did some checking and found out who it was. The detective on the case came down to greet us and escorted us to a back room where we could talk in private. In the room Ty learned that his dad was found behind the bar were he'd been drinking. From talking to the owner of the bar the detective had learned that Ty's dad had been drinking in the bar that evening but had left at closing. The bartender confirmed that his dad was drunk, but not anymore so that usual for him. The detective told us that there was an empty bottle found next to my dad that wasn't stocked by the bar. It appeared that he drank that bottle of 100 proof vodka after the bar closed. It also appeared from their initial examination that he died of alcohol poisoning. The detective told us that the autopsy was done that day. He was just waiting for the results to be delivered. He didn't expect to know anything more until tomorrow. He did tell Ty that the body could be released to the funeral home so just let the funeral home know that. Ty looked at me with a forlorn look. The information didn't surprise either of us, but that didn't make it any easier to hear. Ty thanked the detective as we left. On the drive Ty asked what he should do about a funeral. I told him that my parents would have more information. He said that he felt so helpless. I told him not to worry that my parents and I were there for him. We'd do whatever needed to be done.

My mom had contacted a local cemetery to arrange for their mortuary to handle all aspects of the funeral. When we got home Ty was asked if the arrangements made thus far were ok. He agreed with everything saying that he didn't really even know where to start. My mother then called the mortuary to pick up the body. Ty and I went to church on Sunday -- the church he and his mother attended many years before. When the service was over, Ty seemed bolstered and ready to face the next challenge -- picking out a casket. He selected a plain wooden model that was beautiful in it's simplicity. He asked to see the body. The people at the mortuary didn't want Ty to do that, but he insisted. He held my hand as we were led to a back room. The temperature was cold in the room. Ty was gripping my hand hard as the body was brought into view. I couldn't believe how his dad looked. He was nothing of the man I remembered. Ty was perhaps even more shocked. I don't think I'd ever seen a dead body before. It was a lonely experience that left me with a hollow, empty feeling in my stomach. The man who had been helping us asked if it should be an open or closed casket. Ty didn't know how to answer. I told the guy that my parents would contact him with all of the necessary information later in the day. He gave me his card before we left.

My mother suggested an open casket. Ty and I went back to his home to pick out clothes for his father and to find a recent picture for the mortuary. That task finished, Ty made some phone calls to people his dad knew to tell them of his death. The funeral was scheduled for Wednesday morning so Ty was able to tell that to the people he called. I think Ty felt better knowing that people did care about his father. I also think he got a lot of moral support from most if not all of the people he called. Ty's dad's closest friend called my mother Sunday evening to let her know that he wanted to host a gathering after the funeral at his home for those who attended the service. My parents readily agreed because I'm sure they were already in further than they wanted to be. They never said a word about the costs that were mounting up. I didn't ask about the costs, but I suspected they would be considerable by the time it was over. There would be a viewing Tuesday evening prior to the funeral. My parents told me to get Ty a decent suit for the funeral. I picked up a suit off the rack at Penny's on Monday because there wasn't time for tailoring. I also bought him a pair of black shoes and a dress shirt and tie. As I was shopping for him I couldn't help remember back to the high school prom when we did this on a much happier occasion.

Ty was in good spirits by Tuesday afternoon. He wasn't happy by any means, but the dark cloud seemed to be lifting some. Ty and I went to the mortuary together for the viewing. We were the first to arrive. When we viewed the body Ty was amazed at the change in his dad's appearance. He now looked like a decent and respected member of the community rather than a town drunk. Ty commented on the change. He told me he was glad that my mom insisted on an open casket because he'd rather remember his father this way than the way he saw him Sunday. There were several flower arrangements around the casket in the viewing room. We looked at the cards as we talked about the people they were from. I didn't know most of the names, but I did recognize some from members of our high school class. Mark and Lyle had sent an arrangement. I think Ty was shocked that they knew. I told him I called them because we were supposed to all get together before we left campus. People started to filter in to the room. Ty shook hands and hugged those who came. One man in particular seemed to be closer to Ty than all of the others. Ty introduced me to most of the people as his friend, but to this one man Ty introduced me as his partner. I was more than a little shocked, but tried not to let the pride I was feeling show as I was elevated to that level.

The funeral was bleak, but how could one expect anything more. It was held in a small chapel at the cemetery just a short distance from the burial plot. My mom had arranged with a local minister to perform the service. Ty's dad's friend supplied most of the personal information. It sounded like the minister had known Ty's dad all his life. A few people spoke after the main service primarily offering fond memories of past events and all wishing Ty the best with his future. One thing that surprised me was that the chapel was nearly full for the service.

At the gathering after the service nearly all of the people who attended the funeral showed up. Most stayed long enough to relive some happier times with Ty and enjoy some of the food prepared for the luncheon. The women fawned over Ty and me to a certain extent while the men regaled stories of amusing times from years past or job related experiences. Ty didn't let me too far out of his sight -- always wandering back toward me as we strayed apart. We all left around 3:00, but not before Ty sincerely thanked the man who hosted the event. He made a point of letting Ty know that he would do whatever he could to help him out and then congratulating both of us and wishing us well.

Ty napped that afternoon. I think the stress of the last several days had finally caught up with him. He slept until dinner that evening He was somber at dinner, but not at all depressed. He talked about his dad and some of the funnier and happier stories told that afternoon. I was glad that Ty had those memories, and I hoped they would replace all of the bad ones from more recent times.

Thursday morning my dad told Ty that they needed to talk about some things that needed his attention. They went into the living room together while I stayed at the kitchen table talking with my mom. Ty came back to get me to join him and my dad. My dad told Ty that he didn't want to rush him into anything, but that he did need to make a few decisions before he went back to school. The house Ty grew up in was now his. It was paid for so he didn't have any financial responsibilities with the house. He also mentioned that his dad had a life insurance policy that would be coming to Ty within the next few weeks. It wasn't for a lot of money -- about $50,000.00, but it would help defray the costs of school for Ty. There was also a checking and savings account with some money in it, but not all that much. Ty's dad also had a safe deposit box at the same bank that now belonged to Ty. There was a will that was very basic in nature and left everything to Ty. My dad had a lawyer acquaintance make sure everything was in place and titles transferred so that there were no hassles for Ty. My dad told Ty that the first thing he should do is take whatever money was in his dad's accounts and put it into his. He should also empty the safe deposit box and if need be open another one in his name. He also asked Ty to think about what he wanted to do with the house -- keep it or sell it. My dad told him that he didn't need to rush to any decision with the house, but that he should consider his options over the next few months.

Ty asked about the cost of the funeral and whether or not the funeral home would be willing to wait until the life insurance arrived. My dad told him that he had paid for everything. Ty told him that he would repay him as soon as he could. The cost of the burial was just over $7500.00. I never thought it would be so much, but then what do you do when you have to bury someone? There aren't a lot of choices and shopping around isn't really practical. My dad told Ty that there may be some outstanding bills his dad had that would have to be settled. He asked Ty to have the mail from his home forwarded to either my parent's home or his school address so that nothing would get missed. My dad also told Ty that the man who hosted the gathering after the funeral told him that the union his dad belonged to had some death benefits. He thought Ty's dad was still a member so would check into that and let him know.

On Saturday Ty asked me if I'd like to go with him to the house. He told me that he really thought he should clean it up as much as possible so it didn't end up in worse shape that it already was. I agreed to go help. Dressed in our grubby clothes and loaded down with cleaning supplies from my mother we headed to work on Ty's house. We picked up all the trash and emptied any food items including canned things into the bags. We had ten large trash bags filled with trash and food stuffs. We started cleaning in the kitchen. Ty tackled the stove while I started on the fridge. After the kitchen we started on the bathroom. When that was done we stripped sheets and bedding from the two bedrooms and started washing them. We dusted each of the bedrooms and cleaned mirrors and windows and vacuumed the floors. We took a break at the kitchen table. As we were sitting there Ty asked,

"What do you think we should do?"

"About what?"

"About this house. Should we sell it? I guess it doesn't make much sense to keep it. Who knows where we'll end up after school."

"Where did you think you'd go before all of this?"

"I guess I assumed that I'd just come back here. I don't mean this house necessarily, but back to this city. Where did you plan to go after college?"

"I guess I really haven't thought about that all that much. I guess I'd go wherever the job I got put me."

"Should we keep it? We could end up back here. If we do then we'd at least have a place to live that didn't cost anything -- or at least very little. We could always apply for jobs here."

"Ty... You keep saying 'we', but this is really your choice to make. This is your house."

"I thought we were together -- you know partners. Are you bailing on me?"

"No, of course not. It's just that this was left to you. It is where you grew up. You have to decide what is best for you."

"I think we have to decide what is best for us. If we are going to be together and really be partners then it has to be everything don't you think? I don't want to decide something this major without both of us participating in the process and deciding together. It effects both of our lives if we are going to be together."

"Ty... Until the day of the funeral I'd never heard you refer to me as your partner. I was surprised when you introduced me that way to your dad's friend. I thought it was just a slip at the time, but you are doing it again now. Do you really see us as a couple?"

"Yes I do. I introduced you to Russ as my partner because it's true. I know you don't know him, but he's the guy I used to run to if my dad was drunk and beating on me. They used to live just a few doors down from us. He'd always come over here and settle my dad down. A couple of times I think he might have even smacked my dad around because my dad would have a black eye when I next saw him. He never said anything to me about that stuff, but he always tried to make sure I was safe and my dad was buying food instead of booze. I guess I figured if anyone should know and could deal with it then he'd be the one. It's like I almost came out to someone here at home. That was a big step, but one I feel good about making."

"Ty... I love you so much."

"I love you too, Brandon. I don't think I ever could have survived this without you and your family. They are really great people. I hope I'm half as decent as they are one day. I don't want to hang a sign over the door or anything, but I really am tired of hiding. This thing with my dad kind of woke me up I guess. It scares me to think that I could have easily ended up the same way. He was bitter and unhappy his whole life -- or at least what I saw of it. He never moved on and got past whatever it was that made him so unhappy. What made me unhappy was not being with you. When I think that I could have ended up like him in an unhappy marriage with a kid I didn't want, being verbally and physically abusive -- a light came on for me. I was headed there too. I never did know why my dad was unhappy. I don't know if he even knew. I did know... You helped me find the courage to accept what I already knew. You saved me from a similar fate. I do want to be with you. I know it isn't going to be easy. It hasn't been easy yet, but most of that has been my fault. I know it will get better. I promise."

Ty then held both of my hands in his and knelt on the floor in front of me and said...

"Brandon.. Will you commit to loving me for the rest of your life? Will you promise to love me, honor me, respect me, obey me, and all of the other stuff that is in those wedding vows?"

With tears running down my cheeks, I knelt on the floor with Ty and said...

"Ty... I will commit to loving you for the rest of my life. I will promise to love you and honor you and respect you. I'm not so sure about the obey you part and I can't remember what all of the rest of the vows say, but I'll do them out of sheer love for you. Will you do the same for me?"

"I will! I will even obey you. You've never steered me wrong so far. I trust you with my heart. You are the best part of my life -- the best thing that has ever happened to me in all my 20 years. I can't see that ever changing. I love you so much. I'll never want to be with anyone else. You're more than just my love, you are my soul mate -- my reason for living and succeeding. You give me the will to go on when I think that I can't."

We just held each other as we knelt on the floor. We hugged and kissed and sobbed for a good ten minutes when we heard my mother say...

"Boys, that was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. That was such a complete and tender and romantic thing to say to each other. It brought tears to my eyes, and I have a lump in my throat. That was just beautiful. I love you both so much!"

Ty and I both blushed. Ty inadvertently came out to another person. Granted she already knew, but Ty told her by what she overheard. Ty looked at mom and said...

"Mrs. Hayes. I want you to know that I love your son and would like your permission to be with him for the rest of our lives."

My mother, in little fits of sobs and laughs said...

"Oh God Ty... that was the nicest thing I've ever been asked. Take him! He's all yours. I thought we'd never get rid of him. He is so damn stubborn and obstinate sometimes. Wait till I tell your father. He will be so relieved to know that we've finally got you married off."

"Mom..." I whined. "I'm not really that bad. If you keep that up, Ty is likely to change his mind."

"You're right son... Ty he really is a good boy. He doesn't always mind well, but he hasn't caused us too much grief. We really are proud of him. Please don't try to rescind your offer. We have a 'no return' policy at our house."

Ty was rolling on the floor laughing and holding his stomach. I was laughing too. My mother calmed the laughter when she said...

"Seeing you two so happy together really makes me... oh gosh what is the word I'm looking for... horny? Yes, I think that's the word. I came to offer you some help cleaning, but I think I'm going to go home and see if I can't get Ben in the mood. Be good boys and don't come home for a few hours, please. Oh and I think we'll be going out for dinner tonight. I won't be cooking in the kitchen if you know what I mean..."

"Oh God! Mom! That was really too much information. I can't believe you sometimes." I said ,blushing a very bright red.

"What? You think you're the only ones with any passion in your lives? "You think all your father and I do is watch TV?"

Ty was still laughing and sputtering as he rolled around on the floor. He grabbed me and pulled me down with him trying to tickle me to make me laugh along with him. I did laugh as we bid my mother good luck and lost of fun. Ty yelled after her to make sure they used protection so there wasn't another little one like me in a few months. She was smiling and still laughing as she went out the door.

"God, Ty... I can't believe my mother. She has never talked like that before. I'm really embarrassed. I'm sorry you had to hear all of that."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed. I think your mom is great! Besides, what to you think they do all the time -- watch TV?" he roared with laughter.

Completely out of breath we eventually got to our feet and continued with the cleaning. We got home about 5:30. We both showered and changed. We were indeed going out to dinner so it appeared my parents made good use of their time alone. I really didn't want that picture in my mind, but still thought it was great that they still loved each other and expressed it. I hoped Ty and I would be doing that same thing when we were their age.

and that brings me to the end of Part Five....

Thanks for reading my story.

Please share your comments and constructive criticisms with me at: dselliot28@yahoo.com

Please try my other stories on Nifty...

"College Life" in the 'college' section - last updated May 1.

"Walk in the Park" in the 'beginnings' section - last updated April 19.

Thanks for reading my submissions!

Peace and Love.

ds elliot