Confusion Rains

Confusion Rains - Part Four

by ds elliot

The story of two gay high school students discovering each other.

All rights reserved. This story may not be distributed on or linked to any other sites including pay sites without the express permission of the author.

Copyright 2004.

This story contains descriptions of sexual contact between two young men. This is a story of intimate sexual contact and discovery. If you are not of legal age in your area to read stories of this nature or if you are offended by stories of this nature, please navigate to another site and stop reading now.

I would appreciate your comments, suggestions, and constructive criticisms. You can contact the author at: dselliot28@yahoo.com

and now for Part Four....

Tuesday went by in a blur. My head was swimming with too many facts related to both of my finals to think about much else. After I finished dinner I started the review process for my Wednesday final. I went to bed still thinking about my last final. I was up early Wednesday -- anxious to get the last test over and start on my summer break. My parents were coming this afternoon to load up most of my things for the summer break. I told them when we last talked that I would not be leaving until Friday afternoon because Tyler needed a ride home. I was just about to leave for breakfast when Tyler came to the door with two large sports bags filled with his things. My parents would be taking these things home with them too. Tyler and I talked casually while I loaded up the things I would need for the test. We ate breakfast together and talked about the summer. Tyler was anxious to get off campus, but he didn't seem all that excited to be going home. I started thinking about what Mark told me Monday evening. I wondered what I could do to help. While we talked I started to formulate a plan that I hoped would appeal to Tyler. I still had some details to work out before I mentioned it to Tyler -- no point getting his hopes up if my plan wouldn't work.

With good wishes from Tyler I was off to my final. I wished Tyler luck with his too. He didn't seem very sure of himself, but knowing Tyler I figured that he really wasn't prepared for the test he would take. If he didn't have a grasp of the material by this point, no amount of review or study would help him now. I hoped he would at least get some credit for showing up. I also hoped he wasn't in jeopardy of losing his scholarship. That would cause a tragic end to his college career, and I was fairly certain I couldn't do anything about that.

The test was over. I felt good about my results. My parents arrived just in time to take me to lunch. While we were eating I asked them if they would mind if Tyler spent the summer at our house. I told them that things had been a little difficult with his dad. I tried to tell them everything without really saying very much. My mother said she thought there was more involved than I was telling them so I decided to tell them more of the situation. I explained that Tyler and I had been together for a few months, but that he was worried about his scholarship and being outed if he was caught in a homosexual relationship. I further explained that he was having a big problem with his sexuality and deciding who and what he was. I then told them that his father had a history of drinking and abusive behavior toward Tyler and that his homophobic attitudes only helped to make Tyler's discovery and acceptance more difficult. I also told them about his poor grades that were the result of his problems and the possibility that he might lose his scholarship. My parents were decent people and more than willing to help those in need. I also knew there was a big difference between donating to charities or helping by raising money and donating their time and having someone move into their home for three months. My parents had met Tyler, but they really didn't know him all that well. I suppose in many respects I didn't know him either, but he was my friend and my first love so it seem the least I could do was ask for their help. My dad asked if I had already discussed this with Tyler. I told them that I hadn't done that because I didn't want to suggest something to him without my parent's prior approval. I went on to tell them that I wasn't even sure Tyler would take me up on the offer if they agreed.

To my surprise my parents told me that it would be fine if he stayed with us for the summer. I told them that I would contribute money from my paychecks to cover the added cost to them for food and whatever else was needed. I explained that Tyler really depended on what he could earn during the summer to help defray the cost of school as well as to provide him some spending money. They told me not to worry about the added costs -- that they would be glad to help one of my friends (actually though they didn't say it -- my best friend). My mom then asked if we'd be sleeping together. I don't think I have ever turned so red in my life. I could feel my face getting hotter by the second. My parents laughed at me. I told them that I didn't think we would be because I really believe that Tyler needed his own space to figure things out. I then acknowledged that it was their house and as my parents they did get to set the rules so I asked if they would have a problem if Tyler and I did sleep together. To my surprise my dad decided to answer this question. He told me that the two of them had discussed this topic a few times since I told them I was gay. They said that they wouldn't have a problem if I brought a girl home and slept with her so they figured they would extend the same courtesy to a boyfriend I brought home provided that it didn't get out of hand. My mom then said that it wasn't really a problem last summer when I sneaked Tyler into the house so she figured it wouldn't be a problem this summer, and she'd rather just be honest and open about it rather than me trying to hide it from them. Then she told me that if I was going to have a relationship with someone I should be proud of them and want him to meet his parents and not try to hide him or what we are doing.

My face felt like it was on fire. I didn't really remember having such a frank discussion about my sex life with my parents. I know they told me some of the fact of life when I was a child, but we never talked about actually having sex or whom I was having sex with. I told them we needed to change the subject because everyone seemed to be staring at my red face. Of course they laughed some more at me. When we got back to the dorm we brought all of the things I was sending home down to the SUV and packed it all inside. I told my dad that he could leave it in the car and I'd gladly unpack it when I got their Friday, but he didn't seem to mind unloading it when they got home. He did tell me that he would likely leave most of it in the garage so that I could decide what I needed and wanted unpacked and what could stay in boxes until the fall term.

Back in my nearly empty room I relaxed on the bed and dozed off. I woke after an hour or so to the noise of residents celebrating their last final and moving out of the dorm for the summer. I walked over for dinner. I was looking around for Tyler, but I didn't see him. I thought I'd call him when I got back to my room just to see how he was and how the final went for him. When I got back there was more of a party than when I left for dinner. My neighbor was all packed up and loudly and somewhat drunkenly hauling his shit down to his parents car. When he saw me he gave me the rest of the beer he had before his mom found it in his room. There was over a half case left in the cooler he brought over. He told me to drink it and think of him relaxing at home by the pool. We laughed and talked about summer plans before he left for home. I tried calling Tyler, but his roommate, Mark, told me he hadn't seen him since he left that morning. I asked that he give Tyler a message to call me when he did get in.

There wasn't much else to do so I drank a few beers while I talked with some of the guys on my floor. I knew most of them and did talk with them throughout the year, but I wasn't much of a party guy so when I did attend them I was usually the first one to leave before it got out of hand. Several guys stopped by the room to share good wishes for the summer. Some brought me more beer while some others were looking for another beer. I had a fair buzz going by 10:00 so decided I might as well go to sleep since I doubted Ty would call anymore tonight.

I had just stripped down to boxers when there was a knock on my door. When I opened it Tyler was standing there looking more down than I had ever seen him. I brought him into the room where he slumped down on the bed. I gave him a beer and opened another for me. I asked,

"What's up Ty? You don't look so good. What's wrong?"

"I think I just blew my scholarship today."

"How did that happen? Was it the final today?"

"Yea... There was just too much stuff that I really didn't know. It was a multiple choice test. I felt like I guessed at most of the answers. I am so fucked. I can't believe I let it get this bad. What the fuck am I gonna do?" Tyler asked choking back tears.

"There isn't much you can do at this point, Tyler. About your only choice is to try to prepare better for the next two. You never really know how you did until you get the grade. Maybe everyone did poorly on the test so the instructor will grade on a curve. That would give you a better grade."

"The stuff I screwed up were things I should have known. When I left the test I could remember answers to the questions that I couldn't think of while I was taking the damn test. I don't think I've ever messed up this bad before. I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"Have a few beers and relax. Maybe if you feel like talking we can discuss why you couldn't think during the test. Maybe we can figure out the problem so you can avoid it for the next two. I'm not trying to butt into your personal life, but I really am your friend so if you want to talk -- I'm all ears."

Tyler guzzled three beers without saying a word. On his fourth and my second with him he asked,

"Brandon, can I please spend the night here? Please? I swear I won't try anything sexual or anything. I just really want to stay with you tonight."

"Sure you can spend the night here."

"Really? You'll let me stay? God, Brandon, you really are the best. This will make everything better -- I know it will."

"Ty... you're my best friend. I hate to see you suffering. I just wish I could make it all better for you, but I can't so I will do what I can."

"I'm so sorry I fucked things up between us. I know I was wrong. I did lie to you, and I did it knowing it would hurt you if you learned the truth. I'm so very sorry I lied. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I wish I had your balls, man. I wish I had the guts to be who I think I am. I'm so miserable when we aren't together, but I don't have the balls to treat you like you matter to me. I'm such a chicken-shit jerk. You have every right to hate me, and the most amazing thing is that you don't. I promise you that I will never lie to you again. I will never hide anything or avoid the truth. I don't want to talk anymore now. I gotta take a piss then I just want to go to bed. Is that ok with you?"

"Sure. That's fine, Tyler. I gotta pee too."

We took our toilet kits and headed to the bathroom. When we got back to the room Tyler stripped down to his boxers then climbed into the bed. It was the first time we'd worn anything to bed since we started having sex. This was going to be strange for both of us. I knew I would have as much difficulty as Tyler when it came to not trying anything. We both had erections as we climbed into bed. Ty asked me to hold him. I spooned behind him pulling him tight against my body. He did wriggle his ass around until my dick was resting in the crevice of his ass before he settled down. I told him I that if he kept that up I would be too aroused to sleep with him, but he assured me that he felt better just feeling my dick resting there.

Sometime during the night we had changed positions. Tyler was now spooning me. I realized this because I woke up to Tyler humping my ass. At first I was set to be pissed at him, but then I realized he was snoring lightly as he breathed in and moaning softly when he breathed out. I listened to him for a while and felt him rubbing along the crack of my ass. I couldn't help but laugh to myself, and as I did I could feel myself wiggling against Tyler's dick. He continued rubbing at a bit faster and more insistent pace. He was having a very erotic dream. I hoped I had a starring roll in the dream. Tyler woke just before he started to cum.

"Ahh... Ahh... Oh... Oh fuck! Oh jeez.... Oh fuck! Brandon, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it honest. Please don't make me leave. I didn't mean to do that. I don't know what happened. I'm so sorry."

"Tyler, it's ok. You were having a dream. I woke up a couple of minutes ago when I felt you rubbing against me. You were snoring and moaning at the same time. I thought it was funny. It's no big thing really. You don't have to leave. It's really ok. Let me get you a towel to clean up."

"Shit... My boxers are soaked."

He pulled off his boxers and wiped up the rest of his cum with them. When he finished cleaning up he asked,

"Please come back to bed. I think you're safe for the rest of the night."

I laughed and crawled back in bed with him. We spooned again with his now softer dick resting against the back of my thigh. We slept later than I usually do. After showering and dressing we headed to breakfast. Tyler's mood was much better than the night before. He was certainly happier and seemingly refreshed and ready for the day ahead. We discussed his next final and decided that time spent studying would be the best use of the rest of the day. I hadn't had his econ class, but offered to help. We spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon going over the topics for each chapter of the book. It occurred to me that it wasn't that Tyler didn't know the material but that he just didn't have good study habits. He was smarter than even he knew. With his mind free of other concerns, he seemed to recall a hell of a lot of the details and class discussions. We went over his past tests for clues about the final. He really seemed to have the information he would need to pass the final and the class. If he did well on the final he would walk away with at least a 'B' in the class. He spent the night again.

This time though it was my sexual desire and frustration that was the problem. We'd been in bed for nearly an hour when Ty asked,

"Is something wrong? You usually settle down quickly, but you are tossing and turning like you can't get comfortable. Do you want me to go back to my own room? I mean I know the bed is crowded and all with both of us in it."

"I'm just horny, Ty. I can't seem to get sex off my mind."

"Do you want to do something... you know to help you get over being horny? I'd do whatever you want. It's the least I can do for you."

"Nice try, but we aren't having sex -- at least not yet. I just need to jack off. I think I'm gonna take a shower and take care of this little problem there."

"Wait! How about if we jack off together? That really isn't sex since we're doing ourselves is it? I wouldn't mind getting off either so we could both take care of business right here. Besides... if we do it together then you won't be woken up because I had another great dream."

"And you promise you won't try to do anything else?"

"I promise. We'll just touch ourselves -- well maybe we could sit close to each other and our legs or arms or something could touch, but I won't try anything."

"I can't believe I'm considering this, but the idea really excites me for some reason. I just never thought about jacking off in front of someone -- well maybe I've thought about it, but I never thought I'd actually do it."

We both sat next to each other on the bed with our backs propped up with pillows against the wall. We were sitting very close to each other -- hips and legs and shoulders touching. I could feel the heat from Ty's body -- it seemed to increase by 20 degrees over what I felt laying next to him in the bed. We were both obviously hard and leaking. I didn't think it would take me more than a few strokes before I unloaded. There was a flex light over the bed that Tyler adjusted to shine on the wall. The result was just enough light in the room to illuminate our bodies. I couldn't believe how hot it was watching Ty stroke his dick. We started at the same pace -- each slowly stroking our dicks from base to tip. I was so amazingly turned on watching the pre-cum ooze from the slit of his dick with each up stroke. As we watched each other stroke away our breathing increased. My mind recalled what his dick felt like in my hand, the taste of his pre-cum and sperm, the heat that emanated from his body, the rich musky odor that was so concentrated in his crotch. I could smell it now as he stoked himself. As I got closer I swear that I could feel his cum pulsing into my mouth, taste it on my tongue, feel it filling me with hot thick spurts...

That was all it took. I shot my load and shot hard. The first shot hit my chin. The second hit my neck and upper chest. The rest was a trail of splatters down my chest to my navel where the final waves of my orgasm drained from my dick. I sensed that Ty was cumming along with me, but my eyes were blinded by the intensity of my orgasm. When I could focus, I saw the remains of Ty's orgasm splattered over his torso. We panted together as we came down from our first shared orgasm in months. Ty was the first to speak...

"Fuck! Even jacking off with you is hot. I haven't cum that hard since the last time we were together. My balls ache."

"Yea... that was pretty amazing. I never would have believed that jacking off with someone would be that intense. And to think that I almost didn't do it because I was embarrassed to do it in front of you."

"Look here." Ty said as he turned my face toward his. As his tongue swiped over my chin and then my neck he said, "You had something on your face. I just couldn't let it go to waste. You do taste as good as I remember. Can I lick up the rest?"

"Ty..."

Tyler didn't wait for my answer. He was licking the sperm off my body -- noisily lapping up the puddles of cum. His touch and tongue sent shivers through my body. I loved the sensations he was causing, but I knew I would have to stop him while I still had some willpower left. I was pulling his head up when he pushed it down toward my body and lightly kissed my dick. More shivers... He finally sat up and cleaned himself with his boxers. We both made a trip to the bathroom to relieve ourselves then went to bed -- this time to sleep.

When I talked with my therapist on Thursday he told me he didn't think it a good idea to invite Tyler into my parent's home because he thought I was putting too much of myself out on a limb. He explained that if things didn't work the way I planned then I was just leaving myself open to more heartache and pain. I did understand what he was telling me, but at the same time I knew I would invite him to stay with me regardless of his practical advice. I guess my logic was along the lines of love not being logical and practical -- love was impetuous. This past week seemed to make me forget the heartache I'd been through in the fall. I thought I had everything under control. I'd slept in the same small bed with Tyler twice without having sex or allowing myself to be tempted too much. Tyler was listening to me and doing as I wished so far. I couldn't see that changing. I just knew it was all going to work out. I had this vision that by the time we came back to school in the fall Tyler and I would be a couple. We wouldn't do anything that would jeopardize his standing with his team, but at the same time he wouldn't be dating anyone else or having sex with anyone else. I thought I could convince my parents to help me get an apartment off campus so that Tyler and I could have the same arrangement that Mark had with his lover. In my mind I had all the pieces of the puzzle, and I nearly had them all in the proper place.

On the drive home I told Tyler that he was welcome to stay with my family free of charge for the summer if he wanted to. He wasn't at all pleased that I told my parents that we had sex, but I made a point of telling him that they knew I sneaked him into the house a few times last summer. What I planned as a nice offer for him to spend the summer with me in a more comfortable environment turned into me pleading with him to stay with me. As I heard myself imploring him to spend the summer with me I realized that I didn't have such great control of myself or the situation after all. I realized that Tyler was fine with us, but only if we were in a vacuum of sorts with no one else around. As soon as anyone else was involved everything changed. Tyler wasn't happy that my parents knew that we'd had sex. He wondered how many other people I had told. I told him that only the therapist knew him by name. That didn't make him happy either. This great summer I envisioned was rapidly becoming a nightmare.

Tyler did move in with us after about ten days with his dad. He wouldn't discuss the details, but Ty had a black eye, cut and swollen lip, a cut in his eyebrow, and bruises on his arms and chest. He moved into the room next to mine. The first day he called my mom Mrs. Hayes, but she told him to call her Helen or mom and to call my dad either Ben or dad. He was awkward the first few days with calling her Helen, but soon seemed comfortable calling her mom. They endeared themselves to each other quickly because she was the cook and Tyler really liked her cooking. There wasn't anything she made that he didn't eat as much as offered. There were times when I thought there might not be anything left for the rest of us. Ty and I were on different schedules again, but we did manage to find time to spend together. Several nights during the week he would come to my bed when he came home from work. We'd have sex -- yea I wasn't able to hold out as long as I thought I could -- but he'd be in his own bed when I woke up in the morning.

We'd been back from school for just over a month when the Fourth of July came around. Ty and I were getting back to where we were before the shit hit the fan last fall. He wasn't seeing anyone else or even trying to. He was talking more and seemingly more at ease being around me since we were living in the same place. He didn't hug or kiss me in front of my parents (I probably would have died if he had from my own embarrassment), but he did touch me more often -- putting his arm around my shoulders or rubbing my back or massaging my neck.

Tyler was invited to a party on the 5th of July. Several of his old high school friends were throwing the party. It was supposed to start at 3:00 and run until no one was left standing. Tyler was really excited to go to the party. They were all old friends so I could understand his desire to go. I wasn't invited, but Tyler insisted that I go too. I knew all of these people -- knew their faces and several of their names -- but they weren't friends of mine. I was sure that I would feel very out of place, but Tyler insisted that I should go have some fun. He was certain that none of them would remember me because of the drastic change in my appearance. He was probably right on that count. I finally agreed to go with him.

The party wasn't as bad as I thought it would be -- at least in the beginning. We had beer to start with and burgers, hot dogs, potato salad, and lots of chips. By the time the sun was setting most everyone had a more than healthy buzz going and a few were really drunk. I was surprised at how many people from high school were also faces I'd seen on campus. I didn't know any of them any better now than I did back then, but it seemed like such a small world. By 11:00 I was getting tired. I didn't want to drink any more, and I was really tired of pointless small talk. I found a spot in the backyard of the house where the party was that was a bit hidden from the patio -- and with the sun down there wasn't any light in that area. I figured I could relax with my last beer in peace and hope that Ty would be ready to leave soon. I heard people come out onto the patio. I could smell the smoke from a cigarette. The conversation went something like this...

"So how you doing on the baseball team? You guys had a good season this year." the first guy said.

"It's a great team. I'll be first string next year. We should have an even better team next year cause so many guys are returning." Tyler replied.

"So what's the deal with Brandon? I can't believe you're hanging out with him." the first guy said.

"Did you know he was gay?" a second guy asked.

"Yea I know he's gay. It ain't a big deal. He's really a good guy." Tyler replied.

"He ever try anything with you? He ever suck your dick or anything Ty? A third guy asked.

"Shit no! He knows I'd beat the shit out of him if he ever tried anything like that. He's just someone I know from home is all. We've had a couple of classes together. He does most of the work so I don't have to study so much. It's actually a sweet deal. Like tonight he's my driver -- he takes me where I want to go and like tonight he'll stay sober so he can drive me home when I'm ready." Tyler commented.

"So you've got your own little fag boy doin 'your work for you, driving you where you want to go. Does he let you drive his car too? Shit I bet he even does your laundry and sniffs your shorts." the first guy said laughing.

"He probably would if I asked him to, but I don't want some fag playing with my jock. That's just sick. He just does stuff for me. I needed a ride home this year cause my old man was too lazy to get me so I asked him. He hung around for two days waiting for me to finish my finals just so he could give me a ride home. Yea he does let me drive his car too. I tell you it's a sweet deal." Ty told the group.

"So Ty's got his own little fag bitch. You got him trained pretty good do you? I bet you've trained him to take your dick just the way you like it." the second guy asked, laughing.

"I'm working on it, but I don't need some fag swingin' on my dick. I got plenty of babes waitin' to do that for me." Ty told the group.

"You getting laid at school? You got any hot pussy ridin' your dick?" the third guy asked.

"Chicks go for the baseball players, man. You wouldn't believe it. They fuckin' line up for a ride on my dick." Ty bragged.

"Doesn't your fag bitch get jealous when you fuck chicks?" the second guy asked laughing.

"Fuck probably, but he knows better than to bring it up. We had that talk already. He was all pissy when he saw me banging this bimbo -- got an attitude about it and stuff. I don't know what he was thinkin'. Like I'd give him a chance..." Ty said.

"I hear those gay boys know how to suck cock better than any woman. You might be missin' out on some good head, Ty." the second guy said.

"Maybe you should ask him for a blow job, Rick. I bet he'd like to swing on that little dick of yours. You can report back to the group on how it was for you." Ty responded.

"Where is the little fag? Maybe I'll do that. Maybe we can get him out here to suck all our dicks. I bet he'd like that -- some prime hometown dick has to be better than that college dick he's suckin'." the second guy told the group.

"I'd fuck him. I bet he'd scream like a little bitch when I plugged his tight ass. And when I was done with him I bet he'd be on his knees beggin' me to fuck him again. Fuckin' fags can't get enough dick..." a fourth voice chimed in.

I didn't really pay much attention to the rest of their conversation. There was more bragging and boasting about the size of their dicks and the women they were supposedly fucking. I tuned most of that out until I heard Ty's voice. I listened to what he had to say but should have tuned that out too. Most of what was said on Ty's part was just more bullshit. I just couldn't believe he'd say those things about me -- that he'd give these guys the impression that I was just some dick starved fag hanging around for whatever crumbs of kindness he'd toss my way.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I sat there in the dark thinking about what Tyler had to say. When the group went back inside, I went through the gate in the backyard to find my car. I drove home and climbed into bed. I thought more about what Tyler said. Maybe I really was that 'dick starved fag' he described. I was the one who tried to make a relationship out of what we were doing. Tyler didn't seem to want anything more than sex. I heard all of the things he told me over time -- like I could forget any of our conversations -- his words seemed sincere. Maybe that was how I wanted to hear them. Maybe he just said them to get me to do what he wanted. Maybe he was just using me. Maybe the only thing he cared about was getting off. Maybe he came to me for that because I was easy. Sure I did hold out this last time, but not for very long. Shit I was begging him to move in with my family on the drive home. How desperate was I really? All that damn confusion raining down on my head. I cried as I thought about what he said. The pillow I was clutching to my chest was damp with my tears. What a fool I was to believe Tyler would change. I wanted him so much that I kept overlooking the obvious. What was obvious? Obvious to me now was the fact that Ty wanted what he wanted without any regard for my needs. He always set the limits. He set the rules. He decided when and where. And for me... my role seemed to be to follow his lead and do what he wanted -- no questions asked.

I slept fitfully, but got out of bed when I heard my parents were up. I checked in Ty's room. He wasn't home. That didn't surprise me at all. I figured he would spend the night. I wondered who he slept with. No point in it really other than to persecute myself, but I couldn't get the thought out of my mind. My parents asked about the party. I wasn't in the mood to talk much -- my dad asked if I had a hangover, but I told him that I was just tired -- stayed up too late. I spent the morning in my room alone.

Tyler finally came home around noon. I heard him talking with my parents in the family room. He knocked on my door and came into my room. He looked fine though his clothes were rumpled. He asked,

"When did you take off last night? I looked around for you about 1:00 and couldn't find you anywhere. No one seemed to know when you left."

"I left around midnight I guess."

"Why did you leave? Everyone was really glad that you came. Everyone wanted to know about the changes. No one could believe it was you."

"I overheard a conversation that pissed me off so I decided to leave."

"What? Was someone talking shit? Who was it? What did they say that pissed you off? Probably just some jealous fuck..."

"Actually it was your conversation with some of your buddies on the patio."

I could see Tyler thinking over the past evening trying to figure out what conversation I might have heard. All of a sudden it seemed that the light came on for him as he recalled what conversation would have pissed me off. He had a worried look on his face as he said,

"I'm sorry. I don't know what you heard, but you might have heard bits and pieces of that conversation -- probably out of context."

"Ty... You seem to be saying you're sorry a lot these days. I'm pretty sure I heard the whole conversation. If there was more I can't believe it would have made what I heard any easier to take. This shit just keeps happening. I'm more pissed at myself that I haven't learned that nothing is ever going to change."

"Brandon, it was just guys talking and bragging. It was just guys talkin' shit. It didn't mean anything."

"Guys talking about me -- your buddies... And the worst part was you talking about me. I have a hard time believing that what you said isn't true in your mind. Why would you say it if on some level you didn't think and feel that way."

"Let's not do this again. It was a party with a bunch of guys talkin' shit. It didn't mean anything. Lets drop it -- ok?"

"What ever you want Ty... after all, I'm just your personal 'fag boy' waiting to do whatever pleases you. Do you have any laundry that needs washing -- maybe a jock strap I can sniff? Would you like me to chauffeur you somewhere? I am your fag bitch just waiting for the chance to ride your dick. Maybe you need to put me in my place again -- tell me that I'm just there for you to use and abuse. You did tell the guys I was your 'dick starved fag' just hanging on for any scraps you toss me way. Fuck you Ty!"

"Shit! I don't want to do this. It was just guys bein' guys -- talkin' shit. It isn't a big deal. No one will remember any of that conversation today."

"Bullshit! I remember it. Has it ever occurred to you that it might be different if the conversation was about you? How would you like it? How would you feel if the guy you were having sex with and loved said those things about you? Think about it. Now please leave. I want to be alone."

Ty left my room. We didn't talk to each other for the next four weeks other than polite conversation when my parents were around.

I ran into one of the guys from the party while at the mall shopping for some clothes. He happened to be one of the guys who was talking with Ty on the patio -- the fourth guy in the group. He was an ass. He asked if I wanted to get together to have a little fun. His dick was bigger than Ty's, and he wasn't afraid to fuck a guy. He knew he had just what I needed. I told him to fuck off. I'd never been in a fight, but I wasn't going to take anymore of his shit. When he didn't back down I asked him to step outside to settle it. Thank God he backed off and left the store.

A few weeks later a group of my co workers and I met for drinks after work at a local bar. When I walked in I saw some of the guys from the party including the jerk who confronted me in the store. I ignored them and hoped they didn't see me. The place we were at wasn't crowded so it wasn't exactly easy to hide from the them. I thought about leaving, but I decided I didn't need to run away just because of that jerk. While we drank and talked about work and laughed I would occasionally hear comments that I was certain were directed at me. They were stupid things, suggestive comments, gay jokes -- general references that could have been directed to anyone really. I knew though that they were directed at me.

We'd been there for a couple of hours when I decided that I needed to empty my bladder. I hadn't even finished my second beer when the urge struck so I excused myself and walked to the bathroom in the back of the bar. The bathroom was empty, but I went into a stall anyway. I heard the door open, but didn't think anything about it. When I had finished I flushed the toilet and opened the stall door. There stood the jerk with his pants down to his thighs and his big, ugly dick hanging out. He was obviously drunk. He grabbed at me -- trying to push me down to the ground. He had it in his head that I would want to suck his dick right there in the men's room. I punched him as hard as I could in the stomach. As he doubled over I hit him as hard as I could in the face. His head flew back and hit the wall behind him then he slumped to the floor. I could see blood from his nose and lip as he sat on the floor. I rinsed my hands then walked out of the bathroom. I stopped by his friends to tell them he seemed to need some help in the bathroom. Their knowing grins changed when I told them to check on their friend. When they got him out of the bathroom they all left.

I got home about 9:00. The confrontation at the bar seemed to have been something I needed to experience. The whole ordeal made me realize that I was stronger than I gave myself credit for being. Sure I had muscles and was in great shape from lifting weights and things, but I just never considered myself a tough guy. I found out that I could take care of myself. I decided then that I would take a self-defense class in the fall. I didn't plan on being in any fights, but it seemed like a good thing to know how to protect myself and my friends. It seemed there were jerks everywhere in the world. One of them lived with me. I needed to set the limits and be able to defend my stance.

Tyler came to my room the Saturday morning after the confrontation in the bar. He said,

"I heard what happened in the bar the other night. What exactly happened?"

"One of your friends thought that in my 'dick starved fag' state I'd want to suck his dick in the men's room of a bar."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No. I didn't give him the chance."

"You broke his nose."

"Am I supposed to be sorry about that?"

"No. He had it coming. What made him think you'd do that? He must have been drunk."

"I think you made him think that. Your talk at the party led him to believe that I just couldn't wait to get a dick in my mouth. That wasn't my first run in with him since your party."

"You mean this happened before?"

"Yea... at the mall when I was shopping for clothes. That jerk was making rude comments and telling me what he could do for me that you couldn't; that his dick was bigger than yours. That time he backed off when I suggested we go outside to settle it. This time he just went too far with his pants down and his dick hard as I came out of the stall. He tried to force me to the floor so I hit him in the stomach and then in the face. I wasn't going to take a chance that this friend of yours might think he could rape me and get away with it. I stopped it before it got started."

"Fuck yea you stopped it! Seems everyone is talking about it. Most of the guys at work heard about it already though with a little different spin on it. It seems that in the other version you went after his dick and he beat the shit out of you, but he never did explain why he pissed himself and had a broken nose."

"I hope this is the end of it. I don't want to be fighting wherever I go."

"I don't think you'll have any trouble with any of them, but I've got your back if you do."

"Like I could depend on your support or help Ty. Give me a fucking break... You'd be the first one to change sides if the straight boys started a fight with the gay boy. You won't even stand up for me in a conversation. I'd be an idiot to expect you to physically fight your friends if it came down to then against me. You might mean well, but be honest with yourself pal... between me and anyone else -- you'll be on the other side faster than you can blink your eyes."

"What the fuck are you talking about? How can you say that shit? I've always been there for you."

"Really? Can you help me out here? Name one of those times."

"I can't think of one right off the top of my head. Shit, you've never been in any danger before. This situation hasn't ever come up before."

Tyler and I didn't really speak again for another week. He wanted sex, but I told him his best hope was masturbating. He didn't complain. He left and went to his room. One other time he climbed into bed with me when he came home from work. I felt him get into the bed, but I was too tired to argue with him so just let him sleep with me. It was the first time he actually spent the night in my bed that summer.

Since Tyler and I weren't going to be a couple I really didn't think I needed an apartment. I got my single room back so had enough privacy while still having a group of guys around for company. I hated the community bathroom the most, but only because it seemed there was always a wait for the shower in the morning. I'm sure the food would have been better if I was cooking, but then I'd actually have to cook and clean up the mess. Living in the dorm allowed me the opportunity to eat the food and spend the rest of the time bitching about it.

I took Tyler back to campus two weeks early for his sports clinic. As we were unloading the car Mark pulled in. He and Ty would be roommates again. I was glad for that, but really didn't think anything would change since it hadn't yet -- at least it hadn't changed for the better. That little fairy tale I had playing in my head as last spring quarter ended came to a very unhappy conclusion. Fairy tales didn't always have happy endings. That was something I was just learning. Mark asked about the summer and when Ty went to get the last bag from the SUV he asked more personal questions. I basically told him it wasn't a good summer and asked if we could meet and talk later. He gave me his partner's home number and told me to call there. His partner's name was Lyle. Mark said that he would let him know I would be calling. I took Ty to dinner before I left for the drive home. During dinner he said...

"I guess this summer didn't go like you planned."

"No, Ty, it didn't. I really thought this would be the time we needed to discover what we could be together. Instead I learned that I still don't know what the hell I am to you. You tell me one thing and tell the rest of the world another. You aren't any closer to finding yourself than you were when we left high school. I understand that you are scared, but that is just an excuse to avoid the questions and the answers."

"Why do we do this to each other?"

"I think most of that is your doing really. I'm not blaming you for anything, Ty. You want me to be there when you want. You want to have sex when you want. You want comfort and love from me when you want. You want all the benefits of a committed relationship without the relationship. I don't want a one way relationship. I want to be able to reach out to you when I need you and not be afraid to call you or show up at your door. I want to be able to have my sexual needs met when the urge hits and not have to wait until the time you've allotted us. I want a man who is proud of me. I don't want one who is ashamed of me and belittles me and makes jokes and rude comments about me to his friends. You want us to exist in some bubble, but that isn't realistic. Sooner or later someone will find out that we're having sex. I don't know how it will happen -- maybe it will be someone verbalizing what they think they know -- but the point is that it's bound to come out eventually. The sad part is that I know when it happens you will blame me for it. You couldn't take the blame or accept any of the responsibility because you'd be too busy denying it and distancing yourself from me. The worst thing is that you won't take the time to really decide what you want. I really hoped you'd visit a therapist, but I can't make you go. I really believe their help could make your life happier, but that is something you have to do for yourself."

"So you're just going to throw away what we have?"

"Ty... What do we really have? We spent the summer in the same house and rarely talked. You did said things that really hurt me. Your excuse was 'it's just guys being guys' bullshit. That doesn't ease the pain you caused. We went through all of this last fall. I'm tired of being hurt by you. I'm a person with real feelings Ty. I've never had anyone hurt me as much as you have. If I stay with you that just makes me a masochistic fool. What do you really want from me Ty? Think about it. What do you see happening between us? Where does this go? I honestly don't know if you are bi, gay, or a confused straight guy. I don't want a confused straight guy or a bi guy as a lover/partner/boyfriend. If you are gay then I'm open to a physical/sexual/love relationship, but I'm only open to that if you want an exclusive relationship with me. If that doesn't work for you then I think we should just be friends. I don't want you to have undo pressure on you for any reason. You need to do well this year. You have to get your gpa up fall quarter. My best advice is really think about what you want then go for it. If you tell me what it is you want I will support your choice any way that I can."

"Why does this have to be so hard?"

"I ask myself that all the time. Sometimes I think the answer is because all really good things take work. Other times I think that we are trying to make something where nothing really exists -- or I'm trying to make something where nothing exists."

"There is something there you know. If I go see this therapist, will you help me deal with the issues?"

"Sure Ty... If they do group or couple therapy I'd do that with you too, but I think it best to get yourself squared away before we attempt to work on us."

"Brandon, are you going to see other guys?"

"I don't know Ty... On the one hand I think I should move on. We've been trying to put something together that works for both of us for a long time. In many respects it seems like the time to move on. I really don't think you are ready to not date women. I don't think you are attracted to them, but you seem to feel you need that to keep your straight image. I don't plan to sit at home alone while you're out dating."

"If I don't date anyone, and I mean anyone -- will you make the same promise? Just give me this quarter to get myself together. If I'm not where you want me to be or headed in that direction by Christmas then you can do what you want. Can you do that for me, please?"

"Arrgh... another quarter of no sex. You're really asking a lot from me."

"I'd be happy to help you with your sexual urges any time or place."

"I'm sure, Ty. That defeats the purpose though. If we're having sex then you become content and don't deal with the issues you have. No sex from me until you deal with your issues."

"Hey... maybe we can jack off together. That wasn't so bad when we did it. Sex is better, but it was pretty hot. Maybe that will help both of us."

"I'll think about it."

Two weeks later I was back moving my things into my room. After I got settled in my room, I called Lyle. He knew who I was right away. I told him that I'd like to talk with Mark when it was convenient. Lyle invited me to lunch with them the next day. Tyler came over to the dorm just before dinner. He told me he'd been waiting for me to call all afternoon. We had dinner together then he came back to my room with me. He was a little hyper. I asked,

"Did you have too much sugar or coffee or something? You're hyper as hell."

"Sorry. I'm just glad to see you. It seems like I haven't seen you in like forever. I got to see you every day back home."

"Ty... You didn't see me everyday. We were on opposite schedules and usually you weren't up when I left for work. I know I was usually in bed when you got home at night."

"That doesn't mean that I didn't see you. I always checked on you when I got home from work. Sometimes I'd just sit in the chair in your room and watch you sleep. A couple of times I would pull the sheet back and just look at you."

"That's a little weird. Why didn't you wake me if you wanted to talk?"

"I suppose because I knew that most of the time you really didn't want to talk to me. I did feel a little guilty pulling the sheet down to look at you, but I missed you. I missed feeling your body against mine. Looking at you naked was better than nothing, and I knew it was probably the most I would get. You were pretty pissed at me. I just didn't want to argue with you. I knew that if I tried anything you'd be even more pissed so I just looked. Is that so wrong?"

"It seems strange, but I guess no harm was done. It isn't like you hadn't seen it before. I just wish I would have known."

"Why? You just would have worn boxers to bed or something and ruined my cheap thrill." he laughed "Besides I know you checked on me most of the mornings before you left for work."

"You're right I did check on you. I guess I just wanted to know that you were where you were supposed to be."

"You really don't trust me do you. I guess I can't blame you for that. It isn't like I've been the most trustworthy guy. Did you really think I'd spend the night with someone else?"

"It wouldn't have surprised me if you did. Even if you didn't spend the whole night with someone I don't know whom you had sex with during the summer."

"I swear I haven't had sex with anyone but you since the week of spring finals. You might not believe that, but it is true. It isn't because there weren't any offers. I could have fucked a girl at that party we went to, but I slept on the couch alone. I could have had sex lots of times, but I didn't. I could have had sex here this last weekend. There were parties Friday and Saturday night with lots of easy women, but I went to bed alone. You can even ask my roommate."

"I'm sure you want me asking your roommate about your sex life."

"Actually I don't want you to talk to him about it, but not because I'm not being honest with you. It would be weird for you to ask him about it, and he'd wonder why you wanted to know. Besides his girl lives off campus so he usually spends the weekends there with her."

"What's his girlfriend like? Is she a student too?"

"I guess so. I don't know anything about her really. He never talks about her. I guess he just keeps his private life to himself."

"It seems to me that if you did the same thing your roommate does then we could have a decent relationship. You don't need to show off to be a man. The other guys don't need to hear a woman yell during sex to know that you're getting laid. Your sex life shouldn't be any of their business."

"Yea I suppose that could work, but I don't know. Guys are always talking you know. They give guys shit all the time cause they aren't getting any. I just don't want to be one of those guys who gets shit all the time. When they see a girl come out of my room in the morning they know what happen so they don't give me shit. It's hard to explain..."

"Well, it is something to think about. If you do decide you are gay or bi it might be the best way to conceal your relationships with the same sex. Besides I already know you can make up shit on the spot. I heard you do that this summer. You can still brag about the great sex you're having. You just have to learn to not mention the name or sex of your partner. Seems easy to me."

"So Brandon... how are you feeling?"

"I feel fine. Why? Don't I look fine?"

"You look damn fine. I mean are you horny? Ever since you agreed that we could jack off together I've been waiting for you to get here so we could."

"I don't recall agreeing to that. I think I said I'd consider it."

"Ah come on man... I'm so damn horny. I've been thinking about this for two weeks. Please.... I really need this. I've got a bad case of blue balls starting here. I really need to get off."

"All you've got on the brain is sex."

"What? We've been talking for a while now. We had dinner together. We talked with some of our friends at dinner. It isn't like I just came here to jack off and then leave."

"That's true. I suppose if I did jack off I'd sleep better tonight."

"That's the spirit. Wait a sec before you undress. I gotta do something first."

Tyler rummaged around in his backpack and drug put four votive candles and a CD. He slipped the CD in my stereo. It was soft, mellow music -- old love songs from the 70's and 80's. He lit the candles and closed the blinds then made sure the door was locked and then turned out the lights. When he was finished with that he stripped out of his clothes and arranged the pillows on the bed so we could sit next to each other with the pillows behind our backs. I just looked at him and laughed. I asked,

"So what's with the music and candles? This is a first."

"It's kinda romantic don't you think? I thought it would be kinda cool. Something different. See... I'm not just about getting my rocks off. I like the romantic stuff too."

I was about to start talking off my clothes when Ty stopped me. He said,

"Wait a sec. Would you strip for me? You know slow and sexy. I like to watch you undress and never really get to do that so I was wondering if you'd mind doing that this time. I'd like to do more -- you know the kissing and holding and touching -- but I know you don't want that. I'd really like to undress you myself, but I don't suppose you'd go for that either so I'll settle for watching you undress slowly if that's ok."

"Which would you rather have -- me stripping for you or you undressing me?"

"I'd really like to undress you. I always liked doing that. It always reminded me of unwrapping a favorite Christmas present."

"Ok... then you can undress me."

"Really? That is so cool. You aren't teasing me are you 'casue that would just be mean."

Tyler's face was all lit up like a Christmas tree. He was smiling from ear to ear. I braced myself with my arm against the desk while Ty knelt down to untie and remove my shoes and socks. He massaged each foot after removing my socks. I told him that he might not want to do that since I'd been wearing the shoes all day, and I was pretty sure my feet weren't the most pleasant smelling they'd ever been. Ty didn't stop though. He even kissed each of my toes then licked across all of them before doing the same to my other foot. I wasn't hard when he started, but I was damn hard now. Ty said,

"You have really beautiful feet. Have you ever looked at most guys feet? They are gross with bumps or bunions and corns on their toes. Yours are just perfect -- long and slender with long straight toes, a high arch, no hair on your feet, no callouses or rough skin anywhere. They really don't even smell bad -- well not really anyway. With some guys you can smell their feet when they take their shoes off. This one guy on the team has the worst smelling feet. His room always smells like his disgusting feet. Yours don't smell like that at all. It's kinda nice."

He stood up and unbuttoned my shirt. He ran his hands around my neck and down my chest as he opened my shirt. He brushed his palms over my nipples as he spread the shirt open. He ran his palms down my arms as he removed the shirt from my body. When my shirt fell on the floor behind me he ran his hands back up my arms to my shoulders then let his fingers play across my chest and down my abs towards the waist of my pants. He unfastened the button on my pants then slowly pulled the zipper down putting pressure on my hard dick as he did. No one had touched me since Ty last did. I was bubbling over with excitement and desire. He ran his fingers around my waist to my back and back to the front drawing circles with his fingers around my navel. He was standing so close at times that I could feel his hard dick poking me, pressing into me. He was kindling a lust in me that I had tried to keep buried and hidden, but that was now impossible. That lust burned inside of me. All those restrictions were quickly falling aside. All I cared about was sex with Ty -- and not just jacking off in the same room -- I wanted sex.

He slid my pants down my legs rubbing his palms along the outside of my thighs to the back of my knees and down the back of my calves. When my jeans were bunched up on the floor he gently lifted my leg to remove it from the confines of my pants. He kissed my foot before he allowed it to rest on the floor. Now he was doing the same thing with my other foot. He stood back in front of me with only my boxers between us. He slipped his hands inside the waist band and moved his palms over my sides to my ass. He gently kneaded each check then squeezed each one letting his fingers gently trace down the crack. We were so close that our dicks were rubbing against each other -- dueling though the thin cotton of my boxers. His hands came back to the front of my boxers still on the inside. He eased the elastic band over the head of my penis then knelt in front of me and licked at the wet spot my dick had left in my boxers. He pulled a bunch of the material into his mouth and with his teeth gently and slowly pulled my boxers down to my knees. From there he pushed them to the floor and helped me step out of them -- kissing each foot again. He ran his fingers up the inside of my legs and just before touching my balls traced to the sides and twirled his fingers in my pubic hair. Since I hadn't done anything to stop him, Tyler decided he had a green light to do what he wanted. I can't deny that I wanted him just as much as he wanted me. At that moment I may have wanted him more.

He kissed and lick my balls and then my dick. While on his knees he held my hands in his and looked up to my eyes and pleaded with me to fuck him. I didn't have the ability to speak. The fires were burning too hot inside for coherent speech. I just nodded my head yes. Ty sucked on my dick for a minute or so before I pulled him off me and up to my lips. We kissed like we had been apart for years -- trying to get as much of each other as we could. The kissing alone was fodder for wet dreams. I moved Tyler back to the bed and eased him down on his back. I chewed on his nipples and nipped at his neck. He was grunting and panting and begging to be fucked. I took lube and a condom from the desk and started to loosen his ass. He didn't want to wait. He kept demanding that I start fucking. With the condom on, I pulled him legs up to my shoulders then positioned my dick at his hole. I hadn't started to push when Tyler started pushing against me trying to get me inside. I pushed inside. I only intended to get the head of my dick inside, but with his thrusting I was nearly all the way in. He sucked in a deep breath. I knew he had to be in some pain. I moved around a little. Tyler grabbed my arms tight. I held still until he could adjust to the intrusion. In only a few moments he nodded his head indicating he was ready. With long slow strokes in and out I set an easy pace -- one that allowed him to adjust more and one that allowed me to pull back from the brink of a quick release. Tyler would moan deeply and go crazy beneath me when I stroked his prostate. He was sweating - a moist sheen covered his flushed body as I increased the pace. He wanted harder. I gave him harder -- pounding in hard slapping against his ass on the down stroke then slamming in again. His eyes rolled back and his lids closed. His legs went rigid, squeezing my neck and his most violent orgasm started. I had never seen Ty cum as much as he did. Without touching himself his dick raised up from his belly and started spewing forth cum. The first shot splattered his forehead, the second his face. His dick kept pumping out cum -- not dribbling but still shooting. As his orgasm subsided he was moaning and thrashing around under me like he was in pain. His words were a jumble of 'oh God's', 'fuck', and 'my balls fucking ache'. Since I wasn't quiet there yet myself I kept up the fast and hard pace Ty had asked for earlier. When I was nearly there Ty pulled my neck down and started kissing my face and lips. When his tongue entered my mouth I slammed in hard and started to cum. It was a wild ride. When I started to cum I continued to hammer at his ass trying to get further inside -- reach deeper than ever before. I literally collapsed on top of him when I finished shooting inside him. I didn't have the strength to even raise my head from his shoulder.

I didn't realize Ty was holding me until I tried to raise up from his body. His arms were holding me tight and his legs were wrapped around my back -- his heels pressing into my ass. He whispered,

"Please don't leave yet. I just want this to last a little longer. I've missed this so much. I feel complete when you're inside me. Please don't pull out yet. Please stay with me Brandon. I love you so much."

Ty was crying. His body was trembling as he sobbed softly next to me. I didn't try to talk. I just pulled him as tight to me as I could. I was still hard so I moved around just a little to let him know that I was still inside where he wanted me. I probably would have gone soft, but his ass muscles kept clenching hard against my dick. I didn't know it that sensation was something he was doing on purpose or was the result of his crying, but either way he was getting me excited all over again. When Ty sensed that I wasn't getting soft he started rocking his hips. That was about the only invitation I needed to start thrusting myself. As I started getting into it more, Ty rolled us over and took control of the pace he wanted. He wriggled his ass around on top of me -- teasing me. I would thrust up against him as he came down on top of me. It was a long, slow and wonderful buildup to another orgasm that I thought would never arrive. I stroked Ty's dick as he rode mine. When he started to cum I was tipped over the edge watching his dick erupt in my hand. We kissed. My dick slipped out of his ass. He moved down my legs and removed the condom -- dropping it on the floor with his clothes. He kissed my dick and licked and sucked the residue of cum before he pulled the blanket over us. I didn't have the strength to move. I was exhausted.

When I woke up Sunday morning I untangled myself from Ty while he slept. I headed to the shower. As the hot water cascaded over my body the guilty feelings started to emerge. Naturally that cloud of confusion was raining down on me again. All those damn questions... 'Why did I let that happen?' 'Didn't I know it would lead to more than just jacking off when we started?' 'What happened to my staunch resolve to not have sex with Tyler?' 'Could I even be his friend without having sex?' 'Would Tyler expect us to just pick up a sexual relationship now that we did it again?' 'How could sex be that good if we weren't meant to be together?' 'What should I do now?' 'Why does this have to be so difficult?' 'Shouldn't loving someone make everything easier?' 'Why do I feel guilty for having sex with him?' 'How does he talk me into sex when I don't want to do it?' 'Why can't I just walk away from this guy?' 'When will I ever learn?' 'What should I do now?' 'How long will I let this keep happening to me?'

And as usual with all the confusion raining down on me I had all the questions and none of the answers. I thought I knew what I was doing, but it was obvious that I didn't have a clue. The hot water felt good as it ran over my body, but it did nothing to wash away the frustration I was feeling. I wanted to just stay in the shower -- ignoring everything else in the world, but I knew that wouldn't be practical. Eventually the hot water would run out or I'd shrivel up like an old prune. When I got back to the room, Ty was just waking up. I dressed while he stretched and finally sat up. As I was a book and some other things Ty got up and kissed me on the cheek. He said...

"Brandon thanks for the most amazing night I've ever had."

"Yea... it was amazing. I can't believe I let that happen."

"Yea, I figured you'd have regrets about it. I'm gonna grab a quick shower. Can I get a towel and borrow you kit?"

I pulled a towel out of the closet and turned to hand it to him. He took it and my toilet kit then said...

"I get the feeling you want to take off. I really hope you'll wait for me. We should talk. I don't want you to run off until I know you're ok. Please wait for me to finish a quick shower."

"Sure, I'll wait for you."

and that brings me to the end of Part Four....

Thanks for reading my story.

Please share your comments and constructive criticisms with me at: dselliot28@yahoo.com

Please try my other stories on Nifty...

"College Life" in the 'college' section - last updated May 1.

"Walk in the Park" in the 'beginnings' section - last updated April 19.

Thanks for reading my submissions!

Peace and Love.

ds elliot