Confusion Rains
by ds elliot
All rights reserved. This story may not be distributed on any pay sites or linked to other sites or distributed in any manner without the express permission of the author. Copyright 2004.
This story contains descriptions of sexual contact between young men of high school age. This is a story of discovery and first love. If you are not of legal age in your area to read stories of this nature or if you are offended by stories of this nature, please navigate to another site and stop reading now.
I would appreciate your comments, suggestions, and constructive criticisms. You can contact the author at: dselliot28@yahoo.com
and now for Part One.
Yea, I know. It's spelled wrong, but if I spelled it right you wouldn't get the meaning. It's like this gray cloud has been hovering over me wherever I go - raining down confusion on me. It seems like its been hanging over my head forever. I've had a few days when that cloud wasn't there. On those days everything seemed to be falling into some sort of order - everything seemed to make some sense. I thought I got the bigger picture - you know the meaning of my life - a purpose to all of this. But every time that damn cloud comes back, and it seems that I'm even more confused.
Spare me the bullshit. I've heard it all before. High school is a difficult time where you start to figure out who you are and what you want and what you will be. Well that isn't the part that has me confused. I'm gay - didn't ask to be and don't particularly want to be, but no one asked so there you have it. I cried about it when I was 12 and 13 and figured out I was different than all of my friends, but I accepted it when I was 14. I already knew then that I couldn't change it. No amount of time spent looking at my dad's magazines made a damn bit of difference. I could watch all the straight porn in the world, and the only thing that interested me was the guys and their dicks. When I was 15 I tried it out. There was a park in the city about a 20-minute bus ride from my home in the burbs. Gays hung out there and cruised for sex. I learned that on the Internet. I also learned that these older guys liked boys so I gave it a shot. It wasn't too bad at all. I got sucked off. I sucked guys off. I never let anyone fuck me because I thought if I didn't let that happen then I wasn't doing anything exactly bad or wrong. During that year I spent most of my weekends in that park having sex with all the guys I could find. I'd suck young guys and older guys. I'd suck the fat ones and the skinny ones. I'd suck the cute ones and the not so cute ones (I avoided the really ugly ones). I sucked in the bushes or their cars or in one of the public men's rooms that wasn't used by very many people. I occasionally did it at their homes if their home was within walking distance. I didn't want to end up stranded somewhere or not know how to get back home. I guess you could say that I was an oral slut without being wrong, but I think it really was more of an addiction. I mean even when I'd wake up and not feel like going to the park, I always went to the damn park. Even when I didn't feel like sucking or getting sucked I was still sucking and getting sucked. I'm not sure when or why I first asked, but at some point I told this guy I needed something to eat before I'd suck him off. Since I could really only eat one lunch each day, I eventually started asking for money. At first I'd only ask for five or ten dollars, but soon got to the point where I was asking for twenty dollars. My logic was that I could pay for the bus ride there and back and still get a CD. I never thought of myself as a whore or prostitute. I found that I got more from the experience when money was involved than when it wasn't. Don't get all judgmental on me here because I can explain it if you give me a chance. I still shot my load down some guy's throat, and I still swallowed his. The thing is that I got more pleasure picking out the CD than I did from the sex. It seemed weird when I came to that realization too, but I swear it is true. When I was getting some guy off I was thinking about the CD I was gonna buy and not how great his dick was. The thrill was gone. I don't know exactly when it went, but no matter how hot I thought the guy was when I started - it was the CD that was the ultimate thrill.
Sometime after my 16th birthday I just stopped going to the park. I don't really know why I stopped, but I stopped. I haven't been back there since. Maybe I couldn't think of any more CD's I wanted to add to my rather large collection or maybe it was something else. I do know that I was very concerned that I would never find sex exciting again after that nearly yearlong experience. I wondered if I'd ruined that part of my life, but I didn't know anyone I could talk with about it. Let's face it, there aren't too many ex-hookers living in the suburbs who are willing to share their experiences or the hazards of repetitive impersonal sex.
And don't blame the parents either. None of what I did was their fault. I came from a good home with lots of love and support. They are good, hard working and trusting people. I didn't cause any trouble so they trusted me. I never gave them a reason not to trust me. I didn't drink to excess like a lot of the guys at my school. I certainly wasn't going to get some girl pregnant so there were no worries there (though my parents didn't know that at the time). I maintained fairly decent grades - not the smartest guy but also not the dumbest either.
So the start of my senior year was no different than the last several have been. I was the square peg in a place with only round holes. The point is that I couldn't find a place where I fit in. I wasn't athletic at all though I did fine in PE class my freshman year. I could watch all the sporting events that ever came along, but I watched them for all the wrong reasons. During football and baseball season I was there to watch the guys in their tight uniform pants. During soccer and tennis and track it was to watch the guys in short pants. During wrestling it was the skintight singlet that made me hot. During swimming it was the Speedo clad boys. I watched and drooled and had one fantasy after another about various guys on the different teams. Even the most unattractive of them was better than nothing - and nothing was what I had. To be honest I'm not sure what I would have done with one of them if I'd been given a chance. I'd get all tingly inside if one of these hot guys just said 'Hi' to me when passing in the halls. I'd damn near cream my pants if I were assigned a seat next to one in a class (let's face it they wouldn't exactly chose to sit by me if they weren't assigned the seat). If one happened to brush up against me or even share a few lines of communication, I had masturbation fantasies for days.
So where is the confusion? Where do I start? Every day I watch these great guys saunter and swagger down the hallways of this school. The school is in Florida so it seems that less is better than more in the clothing department. Yes there is a dress code, but it is liberal. I feel like they are all on display for me with a huge, flashing Neon sign saying "LOOK BUT DON'T TOUCH!" How fair is that? In addition I see them walking with girls, talking to the girls, laughing with the girls, holding hands with the girls, kissing the girls - and I'm standing here wanting so much to have what that girl has - no not the tits and twat - the guy. I wanna have that first love, and have it returned. I'm sick of being in love/lust with these guys who won't even give me the time of day. What exactly should I do? Take a chance? You must just want to watch them beat the shit out of me cause I know that is what would happen. If I even hinted that I was interested in one of them I know it would be the end of me. I'd be even more of an outcast among the 2500 or so students here. I would be ridiculed and laughed at and hated. Right now I'm just ignored and believe me that is better than being hated any day of the week. You know what is really sad? Here I am in the middle of all these hot macho guys with their testosterone dripping muscled bodies posing and posturing like Grade A, Prime, 100% pure fearless, invincible men ready to take on any one and any thing - fierce competitors each and every one, but they are all scared of a wimpy, little gay guy like me. What is up with that?
I'm in that 'Different' class of student here at school. I don't belong to any group or hang with anyone in particular. There are a lot of cliques as I'm sure you can imagine, but I don't fit in any of them. There are the Goths - and I've never understood that group at all. There are the Brains - but I'm not smart enough to hang with them. There are the Incessantly Peppy folks - and I'd rather save my energy to look at the guys. There are also the Musicians or wanna -bes, but I'm not one of them either. There are also the tech and science geeks, but I'm not in that group either. Oh and there are the Fags too, but I'm not part of that group either. And why not you ask? Well I don't have any beauty, makeup, or hair tips to share. These are all guys who seem to want to be girls. they giggle like girls, they swish when they walk, they gossip like they are part of a talk show, and they hang with the girls. That leaves me out in the cold. well Florida isn't exactly cold, but you get my point.
Why don't I fit in? Maybe I try not to fit in, or maybe the group I really want to be a part of just doesn't want me. I'm 5'9-1/2" tall (and I so hope to grow that last half inch so I can be what I think it the perfect height for me 5'10"). I weight 160 pounds. I think I'm in pretty good physical shape. I don't do sports at school, but I do lift weights in the privacy of our garage where I've created my own little gym. If I had to describe my body I would have to say that I'm closer to average than a jock. I compare my body to the other guys a lot and I guess I look more like the swimmers and tennis players than the football players or wrestlers. I had my hair short and spiky way before anyone else. Since that look is now popular at my school I have grown mine longer (the same length all over and just past the collar). My hair is a chocolate brown color - dark chocolate (almost black). I really like my hair long because it falls forward and covers my face. I have green eyes - sort of a bright green really. I don't think I look bad. No one has passed out from freight when looking at me, and I've never noticed anyone running to the bathroom to vomit so I'm at least tolerable. Of course my mom tells me I'm handsome, but that is her job. The guys in the park told me that too, but they just wanted their dicks sucked so there was an ulterior motive for them to say nice things. I tend to wear layers of oversized and baggy clothes. My mom says I hide under and behind all the clothes, but for me they are comfortable. If someone actually liked me I wouldn't want him or her to be so superficial as to like me for the clothes. I always wear a hat - not a baseball hat but a rather goofy hat that a tourist would wear. I also always wear lightly tinted sunglasses. I get away with that because I told the school they are prescription glasses. I do hide behind those I have to admit. They tend to hide what I'm often looking at - like the ass of a nice looking guy. The guys really can't see me watching them. I heard of one gay boy who got knocked around because he was looking too much at the guys. I don't know the details or the gay boy involved, but I got the lesson they were teaching that guy. Gay boys don't get to ogle straight boys without a beating. I didn't need that so I hid it the best way that I could. I mean I really couldn't help looking. These beautifully handsome guys are all over the place - and what? I'm just supposed to ignore that and pretend they don't exist or that I don't see them? I don't think I could if I had to. I'm human and alive and I'm a guy for God's sake how can I not at least look. All guys look at what attracts them. I'm no different in that regard - my problem is that different things interest me.
I'm not sure what my plan was or if I even had a plan. My hope was to skate through the rest of my senior year, get a diploma, and get away to college. It was springtime so all of the college applications were in and letters of acceptance or denial were already being delivered. I had been accepted at one of the state school (a good thing even though it was not my first choice) and been rejected because of grades at my first choice. At least I was going to college somewhere. I guess my thought was that once I got there I could figure the rest of this mess called my life out. I had given up on any answers coming over the next few months. I'd been searching for nearly four years for some meaning to all of this anguish I call my life, but none was in sight so I had resigned myself to staying in the background and coasting through this awkward stage. My plan or lack of one would have worked too had it not for that bitch English teacher. She assigned group projects for our class. There happened to be 24 people in the class so we had eight groups of three for each project. Each group was assigned a different short play to present a part of and explain the rest to the class. Each presentation was expected to take 30 minutes with points off for less or more. The grade for the project was in place of a final in the class so the grade was unfairly weighted in my opinion since I didn't like being in front of the class or working in a group. One other little glitch in all of this was the fact that she had assigned people to each project. Granted if it had been left for individuals to pick partners I would have been the very last one chosen by the group with the least possibility for success, but I was assigned to work with the absolutely hottest guy in the class and probably the school and a ditzy cheerleader. We had four weeks to work on our projects before the presentations would start. Because of the level of work needed to complete the project, it was obvious that the group would have to get together to complete the work outside of class. What a bitch!
Our group moved to sit together as all groups did. We were each given a copy of the play we had been assigned to present. As I joined the other two members of my group it was as though I was a ghost. Neither of them acknowledged me as I sat down next to them. They finished their gab/gossip session then turned to the play that we were given. None of us had heard of this particular work - and it doesn't matter what the play was because it was going to be impossible to work with these two people. I already couldn't concentrate just being this close to the guy and the girl was the type I'd have no problem or qualms about duct taping her mouth closed. We all had the same lunch period so we agreed to meet then. I found them among a group of their friends. When I arrived they made room for me, but nothing was said about the assignment. As I got up to leave for my next class the guy grabs my arm to apologize for not getting down to work. His touch was causing my dick to get hard, and I just wanted to get away. He asked if I could meet him after his baseball practice. I agreed to meet him in the locker room after his practice. I spent the time after school in the library reading our little play as I waited for his practice to end. I was approaching the locker room as the team was coming off the field. He grabbed my arm again and lead me inside with him and the rest of the team. I sat on the bench while he stripped down for a shower. I was so fucking excited I couldn't put a thought together to save my life. I tried to look anywhere else but at him, but that was just another failure since all of the team was doing the same thing he was - stripping off clothes to shower. He asked me to wait for him so I did - only because I couldn't stand up with the hard on I had going. I did manage to rearrange it while most of the guys were in the shower so it wouldn't be obviously sticking out announcing naked guys aroused me.
As he dressed he told me what I already knew - Pam the cheerleader wasn't going to be much if any help with this project because she just wasn't into school and really didn't care about anything other than cheerleading and her boyfriend - a really hot football player. Tyler, however, needed to get a decent grade on this assignment because his partial baseball scholarship depended on a minimum gpa to keep it. Thank God he was basically dressed - shorts, t-shirt, and sandals but better than nothing. It helped to get my breathing back to normal and allowed me a place to focus my eyes. We walked to the parking lot talking about the play a little and what we might do for the project. He asked if I had a ride. I didn't because I usually took the bus to and from school. He gave me a ride home as we continued to talk. He told me his schedule was crazy with baseball practice and games so we'd have to work together in the evenings. I told him that I was willing to do whatever he needed to get the job done. I'm just sure that I sounded pathetic, but I can't remember much of what I said to him. Hell, for all I know I could have just confessed my undying love for him I was so distracted and out of it. We also exchanged phone numbers as I exited his car.
Tyler called me that night about 8:00.
"Hey Brandon. wassup man?" "Nothin' much just sittin' here messin' around." "So you read the play yet?" "Yea I read it. Did you?" "No. I can't find my copy. I musta left it at school or lost it. This is fucked already." "Yea I'm not lookin' forward to this at all. I hate the whole idea of it." "I don't think it will be too hard. I know we can get at least a B on it. I've gotta get at least that or I lose my scholarship. My dad would kill me if that happens. I really am gonna need your help on this one, buddy. I mean I'll help and all, but I'm not very good when I have to get up in front of the class. I get stage fright or somethin'." "I'm not much better about that, but it isn't like we have a choice. I need to pass the class just as much as you or I won't get into college either." "Oh yea? Where are you goin'? "I'm goin' to Florida State. Where are you goin'?" "Same place. Wow, man that is kewl! I know a few guys goin' there so it should be a party when we all get there, but I need to get there first." "As popular as you are I doubt anyone is gonna fail you - not even Mrs. Evans." "She hates me. It goes way back to when I was in junior high. I beat up her son." "Big mistake." "No shit man. I got my ass beat then and now she's got me by the balls." "So why did you beat up her son?" "Ah somethin' stupid. I don't even remember how it all started. He was this smart ass and pissed me off so I beat the crap out of him. The fucker deserved it." "So Tyler. have you had time to check your schedule to see when we can work together to get this thing over with?" "Yea. That's why I called. I can work on it any night after about 7:00 pm. My dad is pretty strict about schoolwork and what time I have to go to bed during the week so we have until 10:00 each night. He goes ballistic if anyone is here after that or if I'm not home by then. We can work here or at your place it doesn't matter to me. Since you don't have a car I guess I could come over there." "I've got a car. I just don't drive to school. How 'bout if we split it up - maybe do Tuesday nights here and Thursday nights at your place?" "That sounds kewl. I gotta run all this by my dad in the mornin' before school just so he'd ok with it." "Can't you ask you mom?" " I live with my dad. My mom took off a long time ago. My dad works nights so that is why he's got all these rules for homework and people over and such. He calls to check on me at 10:00 every night. He knows some of the guys and doesn't want me running around with them on school nights. He says if I do that I'll end up like him." "He sounds kewl." "Yea, he's alright. Could be worse I s'pose." "So you could always come here after practice on Tuesday and have dinner with us before we study. I know my parents wouldn't care." "That would be kewl. I usually just microwave whatever dad leaves me. He does most of the cooking for us. I'll tell him about it. He will probably want to call you parents to be sure it ain't a bother or anything." "No problem. I'll tell them he might call. What's your last name?" "Oh, I thought you knew that. It's Campbell. His name is Mitch Campbell." "So we can plan on Tuesday for dinner and studying then. I'll let my folks know that you'll be here for dinner. We usually eat about 6:30 if that's ok with you. If you're starved my mom always has somethin' to snack on." "Sounds great! See ya tomorrow buddy. And Thanks!" "Later."
After I hung up, I'm sure I just stared at the phone for at least an hour. I couldn't believe that I'd just been talking with my favorite wet dream guy. It occurred to me that we hadn't even taken the time to consider how Pam would fit into all of this. I suppose she would do whatever we told her to do. The only time she'd complain is if it got in the way of spreading her legs for her boyfriend. Rumor had it she'd do it any time - any place whenever he wanted it so it didn't seem like that would be a major problem.
Did I jack off that night before bed? What do you think? I'd never had such a long conversation with a stud jock in my life. On top of that I saw him completely naked. He had a great body! I also saw nearly all of the baseball team naked. My dick was cocked and loaded. All I had to do was touch it a little before I was shootin' my load. I hadn't cum that hard since the first time I got sucked off. I swear I saw stars floating around my head.
The next morning at school between first and second period, Tyler grabbed my arm. He told me that his dad was cool with the arrangements we made the night before. He also said that since it was Thursday we could start at his place tonight if that was ok with me. He also asked if I could pick him up after practice and give him a ride to his place since it was on the way from my place to his. His car didn't start this morning - dead battery he thought. He told me he'd microwave dinner for me and laughed. I told him that was fine. What was I thinking? I must be abso- fuckin-lutely crazy. I'm already doin' shit for this guy and I've only talked with him like three times. Already I'm seein' him as my best bud and makin' plans and all that shit. If I keep it up at the rate I'm goin' I'll have us married and makin' babies before the school year is over. I really needed to take a step back and calm myself down. I was allowing my libido or something to make my choices here and none of them were good. If I had any sense I would have gone to Mrs. Evans and told her that I just couldn't work with these two people because of severe personal differences and problems. Knowing Tyler beat up her kid surely would have worked in my favor. I could have been reassigned to another group. Somehow logic didn't prevail. I walked into my English class with a boner just thinking about Tyler. And damn. the guy was being nice to me. He even sat next to me in the back of the classroom. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I was gonna blow a load if he even touched me. He has this habit of grabbing my arm to get my attention. He can't just tap my arm. He has to hold it.
I took the bus home that day. I jacked off then took a shower cause I was sure I smelled like cum. I got in my car and drove back to school to get Tyler. When I drove in I realized he didn't know my car so I walked back to the locker room. He was nearly dressed - just putting on a shirt when he told me the coach wanted to yell at him for about five minutes. I hung out there and waited for him. He was looking really down when he came out of the coach's office. We walked to the parking lot - about the last two people to leave the school.
"Is that your car?" "Yea." I said as I unlocked the passenger door. "Hop in!" "This is the kewlest car. I can't believe you don't drive this to school. All the chicks would be all over your stuff for a ride in this baby." "Just what I need in my life - a chick who'd rather date my car." "You know what I mean." He laughed. "Is it a 69 Shelby GT? Is it stock? Where did you get this car? It must have cost a bundle. I can't believe you don't drive this every day. Man, if I had this car I'd be showin' it off to everyone. It is so kewl."
I got in and fired it up. It was loaded and had that gutsy sound that only a Shelby GT had. I let it warm up a bit before I put it in gear and drove out of the lot. I couldn't believe how impressed Tyler was with the car. I decided to take him out for a little spin in it so I could open it up to show him what it could do. We were at 60 mph in less than seconds. He just marveled in the car and the power and the beauty of it. I had been my dad's when he was young. It was completely restored inside, outside, and under the hood. He had it all tricked out - candy apple red metal fleck paint job, lots of chrome, supreme stereo and speakers with a huge base in the trunk. The car did rock. The thing was though, I felt out of place in the car too. I felt it really belonged to someone cooler and more popular than me. It made me feel like a wanna-be. I mean I did like it and no one had a better ride for sure, but I just felt like a Toyota Camry guy in a hot car - like it just didn't fit me. Just like when you see a 70 year-old guy driving a sports car - like he is trying too hard to be something he isn't.
We got to Tyler's place. It wasn't fancy - just a basic house. He kicked off his sandals when he walked in the door. I asked if he wanted me to take off my shoes. He told me I could if I wanted to but it wasn't like a rule or anything. The house was hot inside. It had been locked up since his dad left for work at 3:00 so it didn't get any air during the hottest part of the day. He said the central air didn't work that well. We went to the kitchen where Tyler took food from the fridge and micro waved it as promised. The food was good actually. We had fruit after dinner as like a dessert or something. We headed to Tyler's room. If you think I was aroused before, well think again. This was like major rocket launch stuff. Here I was on my way to this guy's room where he spent his time studying and sleeping and jacking off. I was ready to announce a blast off as I walked through the door. It was very warm in his room. Tyler pulled off his t-shirt and tossed it on the bed. He told me I could take off my shirt if I wanted, but I declined. He sat at his desk while I sat on the bed. He got up and turned on a fan, but all that did was blow the warm air around - better than nothing since I was feeling pretty light headed at this point. He got out his copy of the play and we discussed which part we should perform. It really was between two parts that were decent and set the stage for the meaning of the play. Both parts were for the two main characters in the play - both men. We were discussing the pros and cons of each section and which role we'd like to play when Tyler asked if I wanted to change into some of his shorts so I'd be more comfortable. While that would have been a nice idea I couldn't possible have on less clothes or he'd see what I was desperately trying to hide. If he saw that I'd either get a bad beating right here or at school or both and I'd likely be humiliated out of school by the end of classes on Friday. I declined his generous offer. Topics changed and we discussed other things, but I really couldn't give you a list of those things we talked about. I was really in a fog. Before I realized it the phone rang. Tyler's dad was doing his usual 10:00 check in. After the call I got up to leave. Tyler asked if I would mind taking him to school on Friday since he wasn't able to get a new battery for his car yet. I didn't even have to think about that one. I agreed before I even understood the question.
When I drove up to Tyler's Friday morning, I got out of the car to get him. He was dressed nicer or at least more completely for a change. I didn't ask why. He was wearing a nice pair of chinos and a button down short sleeve shirt and casual brown shoes. As he came out of the house I spoke before I realized it saying,
"Wow, you look nice today. Got a hot date or something?" "Thanks man. No. No hot date yet anyway. Sometimes I just feel like dressing up a little and this just happened to be one of those days. Besides I'll be arriving in the kewlest car in town so I gotta look at least as hot as the car." "You'd look hot whether you were dressed or not." Shit that just slipped out. "Thanks! Even I gotta wear somethin' to school. Mrs. Evans would be all over me if I showed up naked. Course one look at junior down there, and she'd prolly give me an A." He laughed.
I held out the keys to him telling him he could drive.
"Hey man, it's your car. Don't you want everyone to see you drive up in this baby?" "Actually I'd rather you did. And do me a favor if anyone asks where you got it just tell them you borrowed it from some relative or friend or something." "Why? I don't get it." "I just don't want to explain to everyone that I have a car but choose to ride the bus to and from school. I just ain't up for all those questions today." "Ok. whatever buddy. I don't mind taking credit for the car if you don't mind that I do. It will help score points with the babes. Might even get me laid - who knows. Hey. you comin' to the game today?" "Yea I was planning on it. It's a home game and right after school so I wouldn't miss it. I don't have anything else to do anyway so why not." "Great. Don't suppose I could impose on you to hang around after the game to give me a ride back home? I well. I'm grounded and can't be around Keith for another month because of some trouble we both got into. It's a long story and embarrassing really. I mean I'll tell you if you promise not to tell anyone else. It was stupid really. Anyway, he is usually my ride if my car doesn't work, but I promised my dad that I wouldn't hang around with him or do things with him or that group of guys outside of school - and I don't want to break that promise since he is just starting to trust me again." "Sure I can wait for you no prob." "Great! Come to the locker room after the game. You can wait for my by my locker."
Fuckin A!! An invitation to see Tyler and the rest of the team naked again! I was too excited to think about anything else. In fact the picture in my mind was of a locker room full of naked baseball players. I was floating up there somewhere around Jupiter as we pulled into the school parking lot. We climbed out to stares and lots of chatter. Tyler was beaming his 'just too cool' smile for the crowd of students gathered in the lot and near the buildings. The car did stand out and one couldn't miss it. the bright red and the grumbling growl if the engine just forced you to look in that direction.
The game was great. We won easily. Tyler plays third base so that's where I was sitting just so I could get the best view. I was near the backstop when Tyler caught up to me grabbing my arm as he talked excitedly about the game and escorted me to the locker room. I watched and waited for him to get ready. I spent all of the time in there just hoping I didn't embarrass myself or say something stupid. The team was pretty up and playful after their win. I hadn't really been in a locker room with that atmosphere before so it was a new experience. There was lots of bragging and teasing and playful swats with wet towels as well as bare hands. It took a little longer for Tyler to get dressed and out the door, but I didn't mind since I had plenty to look at while I sat there waiting. We grabbed some food at a Denny's near Tyler's home. I figured he didn't want to cook or microwave himself food so this seemed like a good idea. I had some money so it was going to be my treat since he did so well. He talked about the game and relived the plays he'd made. I could have skipped the game and just listened to his recount of events - but then I would have missed the best part - watching Tyler.
Tyler called around 10:00 Saturday morning. I was surprised that he would call me since he didn't need a ride to school or practice or anything. He told me his dad wanted to meet me today since he was off work. Tyler asked if I could be there around noon or so for lunch and to meet his dad. I told him I didn't have any other plans so I'd be there. Tyler was stammering and trying to say something, but was having trouble getting it out or hanging up. I said,
"It seems like you have something to tell me or something to ask me 'cause you've kinda been talkin' and not sayin' anything for a while now." "I , shit, I well.. my dad.. um.. see it's like this. Since I got into trouble a while back my dad has been watchin' me closer, and he's been well he's been.. ahh.. he doesn't want me to hang with a bad element. I was kinda hopin' you could.. well. could you dress normal just for today? I mean I think the weird shirts and the unmatched shoes and the weird socks and the hats and the other stuff is way cool, but my dad would prolly shit a brick or something. You're the only guy he's let me hang with without meetin' him and talkin' to the parents first. I think he is startin' to trust me, and well I think you're a great guy and everything and I don't want him to get the wrong idea cause you dress different." "So you want me to dress 'normal'? "I'm sorry. I didn't want to piss you off or anything, man. I shouldn't have asked you to do that. It's kinda rude isn't it? You can wear what you want. I guess I'll just try to prepare him before you get here so he isn't freaked or nothin'." "I don't mind. I'll comb my hair and wear matching shoes and no strange items or shirts with crude sayings. How's that?" "Oh man, that would be so cool. I'll see ya at noon."
I had showered when I got up about an hour ago, but my hair wasn't under control and really did look like shit. I took another shower and actually dried my hair with the blow dryer. I shaved everyday already so that wasn't an issue - just the clothes and hair. I picked out pleated black slacks with a black wife-beater and a pale green shirt with palm fronds on it (something a tourist would wear on vacation here). I put on black socks and a pair of black loafers. I checked my hair in the mirror again. I had it parted down the middle and then tucked behind my ears. It actually stayed there until I dropped my head forward, but I kinda liked that look. I always wore a gold chain with a cross on it (a gift from grandma) and that actually sparkled. I went out to the kitchen where my parents were. It was 11:30 so they were about to start lunch, but stopped like in one of those freeze-frame things with the spoon stuck in mid air and their mouths open. It was actually damn funny. Neither had seen me dressed up for a long time. I know they were both happy to see me wear some of the clothes they bought to fill the closet.
I saw Tyler in the front window as I drove up. I saw him get up as I pulled into the driveway. I saw him dash towards the car as I opened the door and got out of the car. He stopped dead in his tracks and just stared at me.
"Brandon is that you? Fuck I can't believe it. What happened?" "Well you told me to dress conservatively so I did. Why is something wrong?" "No. Ahh. you just look completely different. I didn't recognize you is all. Let me look at you. Shit man, you look hot! And you've even got some muscle too. What? Do you lift weights? You got pretty thick arms and pecs. And shit! You even got a six-pack." "Yea, I lift some." "I never see you in the weight room. When do you lift? Shit man, you're in better condition than me." "I've got weights at home." "Fuck man! I just can't believe this. It's like you're a whole different person. Like you had another body hiding inside your clothes or something. This is just too weird. Wait 'til all the guys at school see this. They won't believe it. You'll be like the new kid. Shit man, this just blows me away." "I only did this 'cause you asked. I ain't dressin' like this for school. When I leave here I'm back in my usual clothes. This is a one-time only deal, buddy. So don't get use to it." "Whatever dude. I just can't believe it's really you. And your hair is even nice. I didn't think it laid down like that. Shit. you even put in a diamond stud instead of that big hoop you always wear. I need to take a picture or somethin' cause no one is gonna believe this shit. This is unreal." "Lets go meet your dad before I turn into a pumpkin or something." "Yea. He's gonna think you're normal. This is so cool. I know he'll let me hang with you. Thanks for doin' this. It's just great!"
The meeting went great. His dad liked me. I was good with adults - probably better with them than with kids my age. My parents were a little older when they had me and I'm an only child so it seemed that I was always around adults more than I was around kids. When I was around kids they always were older.
Tyler wanted to show off I guess is the best way to put it. He wanted to go cruise the Mall where lots of the kids from school hung out. He wanted to see if anyone would recognize me. I didn't really want to play this game, but Tyler seemed to think it would be great to see if we could fool everyone. The change in my appearance was pretty drastic so I wasn't worried about being recognized. I didn't really talk to very many people at school so it wasn't like most of them would even recognize my voice. We screwed around at the Mall for a few hours then headed back home. Tyler had a curfew that was fairly early. I thought he'd tell me what kind of trouble he got into, but he didn't bring it up so I didn't ask.
Tuesday Tyler was at my house before I expected him. I was just finishing my workout when the doorbell rang. I was hoping to be out of the shower and dressed before he arrived. My mom answered the door and brought him into the garage where I was finishing the last reps.
"Nice set up you've got here." "Thanks! You're a little early. I thought I'd be finished with the workout and cleaned up before you got here." "Sorry about that. The coach ended practice early today so I just came here. I guess I should have called to see if that was ok." "No problem man. It just means you have to wait around while I shower. You can talk with my mom if you want or you can wait in my room. Whatever." "Umm, I think I'll wait in your room if that's ok." "Sure. Come on."
Once inside the room I closed the door and pulled off my sweaty t-shirt. Tyler whistled.
"I really can't believe your arms and chest. You've got great definition and tone. I don't see an ounce of fat on you. Even your legs are sculpted. Most guys work their upper body and not their legs. You really look good. I can't believe you don't show your body off." "What? You think I should walk around school in a Speedo or something?" "Well that would draw all the girls for sure, but I mean you wear all those extra large shirts and baggy pants and no one knows what's inside. It just seems like it's a waste is all. I mean you've got a way better build than most guys at the school. I've seen 'em all and they aren't nearly as buff as you - well except for some of the wrestlers who look like professional body builders. I mean your body is just perfect." "Thanks. I appreciate that coming from you. You have a great body too. The best on the baseball team anyway." "Thanks." "Hey Tyler. you can check out my computer if you want or play with my X-Box. It is hooked up to the TV and the remote for it is by the chair. The games are in the TV cabinet so help yourself. I won't be too long."
I showered and dreaded going back into the room with only my towel for cover. I was damn happy my dick stayed down while Tyler was talking about my body and looking me over. It was erotic - well as erotic as my life has been in a long while. Going back out there to get clothes would be a challenge, but I'd be ok as long as I wasn't sporting wood. I didn't want to scare him away yet.
Fortunately Tyler seemed to be occupied with the X-Box so I got to the dresser and the closet and even managed to dress in the same room with him without springing a boner. Tyler was always looking at the TV screen, but I could feel his eyes on me. I thought about it as I was dressing and decided it was likely just my wishful thinking.
We had a great dinner. Mom put out a great spread. We both ate like there was going to be a food shortage the next day. Once dinner was over we got down to serious work on our little project. We accomplished a lot for one night. If we kept at the pace we were on, we'd do very well.
The last week before presentations we rehearsed our skit in front of my parents. Kyle was pretty nervous, but I wasn't because I knew them. My dad did lots of presentations in his work so he gave us some valuable pointers about where to look and how to disregard the audience so we weren't really looking directly into their faces. The second rehearsal went much better. Our only problem was that these two characters were gentlemen, and we didn't look the part. Tyler and I talked about what clothes we had to wear to look the part. I had a suit, but it was old. He didn't have one at all. I talked it over with my parents at dinner. I was able to convince them to spring for new suits for both of us as well as the other things we'd need - like decent dress shirts, ties, dark socks, and new shoes.
Tyler and I went to the men's store where my dad got his suits. The guys were really helpful and had us outfitted in short order. We were able to get everything we needed including matching black silk boxers. I wanted those because I just knew Tyler would look hot it them. We tried the suits on that Saturday to make sure the alterations made were correct. As we stood in front of the full-length mirrors in the store I can't tell you how in love I was with this guy. It was like my dreams come true - the fantasy played out to the end. I was happy and excited and anxious and nervous and floating on a cloud. He seemed to be the same way. It seemed that life couldn't get any better for me at that moment. I was standing next to a great looking guy - tall (6'1"), well muscled and toned, blond hair with the warmest brown eyes I'd ever seen. We were so damn cute together we should have been a topper to a wedding cake.
We decided to take our clothes to school so we could change during second period. We put our clothes in the coach's office so they'd be safe and not messed with. We skipped second period and headed to the locker room. We showered, dried our hair, and dressed up like the studs we felt we were. I can't believe that I was so nervous about the skit that I didn't even have time to worry about an erection while showering with Tyler. I mean this was the first time we were naked together and nothing - not even a stirring in my crotch. We made our entrance from the hallway when our names were called. Mrs. Evans told the class that our third team member had left school so it was just the two of us doing this presentation.
Once we started our skit - I had the first line - we seemed to lose most of the nervousness we both felt as we hustled from the locker room to the classroom. The tips my dad gave us helped both of us feel more confident as we recited our lines. Once that section was over we finished the narrative portion of our piece and took a gracious bow. There was a lot of chattering and whispering among the students as we took our seats. Fortunately though the next group was ready to start their presentation so we didn't have to hear most of what was being said. We both headed back to the locker room to change back into our usual attire. We took the suit bags and shoes and things out to our cars before we headed back inside to grab some lunch.
Several people wanted to know about the change in my appearance. Luckily for them none of them was bold enough to ask me directly. Tyler got all of the questions and gave answers as best he could I suppose. I tuned all of that out.
Graduation was coming fast. There was the traditional ceremony that all high school students are forced to sit through before they are finally released from high school. It seems like just one last torture to me, but since it was required and my parents insisted - I was going. Once it was over I planned to just go home. The school sponsored a graduation party, but it wasn't really for me. I didn't do the school parties, and since it wasn't required I didn't have to go there to be bored all night. Tyler was going. He had a date with a girl. I hated that fact, but since we hadn't done anything more sexual than taking a shower in the same locker room at showerheads at least four feet apart I really had no reason or right to object. He really wanted me to go too, but told him I didn't want to go because I didn't have a date and that I didn't want to be one of those guys who went alone and stood by the wall all night being bored with no one to dance with or talk with. Stupid me. I should have told him I was leaving the country right after graduation. He calls me that night to tell me that he's got me fixed up with a friend of his date. I tried to tell him that I really wasn't interested in spending the whole night with someone I didn't know, but he told me that I knew him and we'd be at the same table so it wouldn't be a problem. He also told me that the girls usually gossiped about what everyone was wearing while the guys checked out the dates of the other guys. It really seemed like a stupid idea to me, but he was insistent and just would not take no for an answer no matter how many ways I tried to say it.
When my dad found out we were going to this graduation party he arranged for a limo to take us to dinner and then to the dance and finally back home. He had my mom make reservations at one of the better restaurants in town and ordered a corsage for each girl. Then she proceeded to tell all of this to Tyler before I had a chance to object. When I finally did talk with him he was more than a little excited about the prospect of the limo and the nice dinner. He was talking about probably getting laid or at least getting a blow ob. That whole idea made me physically sick. My parents were springing for the limo and the flowers and the dinners. At the very least I should be the one giving him a blowjob. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Graduation came and went. It was boring as hell, but I had other problems. Tyler was coming to my home with his dad after the ceremony so he could see us all off that evening. When we got to the house, Tyler and I both went to my room to change into our suits. While we were dressing Tyler was concerned because I wasn't looking forward to tonight. I told him I just didn't like being in awkward situations - and this would be one of them because I didn't know this girl all that well though I had met her a couple of times since the arrangements were made. Tyler did have to assure her that I wouldn't look like I was dressed at school. She didn't look like she believed him, but he was doing his best to convince her that there would be a remarkable change on the night of the dance.
The girls looked very nice when we arrived at their door. Once inside the corsages were pinned in place and pictures were taken - lots of pictures. My ears perked up when I heard Marla's father tell Tyler that the girls had to be home by 1:00. That was the best news yet! The dance lasted until midnight so that gave an hour for final good-byes to friends before dumping them at their door. I knew lots of the guys were talking about getting rooms at the hotel where the dance was held. I also think Tyler figured he'd get the use of at least a bed for a few hours before the date ended. I was thankful that it wasn't going to happen as he planned. If I wasn't getting his dick then I didn't want anyone else to have access to it either. I can honestly say that my date was very favorably impressed by the change in my appearance - not that I gave a damn. I was only there to impress Tyler.
Dinner was pleasant. The conversation flowed thanks to the two girls who didn't shut up unless their mouths were full. We left the restaurant about 9:00 to head to the dance. The music was good - more adult music than the music most of the kids listened to usually. It was music that could be danced to - some fast and some slow. We danced with our dates and with each other's dates to be polite. We also danced with a few other people - some Tyler asked and some who asked me. The time went fairly quickly. We had a bottle of champagne on the drive back to take the girls home. There was the dreaded walk to the door and fuck Tyler. he kissed his date. I could tell that mine expected the same, and I reluctantly kissed her good night. Back in the car we finished the champagne on the drive to my place.
Back at my house everything was dark and quiet. We made our way down to my room. Tyler was spending the night, but we'd failed to make any arrangement for where he'd sleep. He told me he didn't care - he'd crash on the floor. I tried the old line, 'my bed is big enough for two if you don't mind that' and be damned if it didn't work. We stripped down to our matching silk boxers and climbed into bed.
We said good night to each other. I just stared at the ceiling - so close to the guy I was in love with and yet miles away. It seemed like it had been a long time of just staring at the blackness when Tyler said,
"You don't like girls do you?" "No I don't Tyler - at least not sexually. Are you freaked out about that?" "Not really. Do you like me that way? I mean sexually?" "Yea, I do. I suppose it is too much to hope that you might like me that way?" "I can't even think about that right now. This is all so strange." "Are you gonna leave now that you know?" "No. We're still friends. I just can't do that." "Ok. There isn't any pressure Tyler. I'm glad you know. I felt like I was lying to you by not telling you. I really hope that we can still be friends." "Sure. We're going to the same school next year so we'll still see each other. And we requested each other as roommates so if that works out then we'll see each other every day. I'm glad you told me." "I'm glad I did too."
We slept soundly that night. I don't think I've ever slept better. When we woke up we showered and dressed and went down to a nice breakfast. Tyler said that he had to get home since his dad was probably anxious to know how the night went. He said he'd talk to me later, but he didn't call. I tried to call him the next day, but no one answered the phone. He didn't call all summer. He didn't drop off the face of the earth only out of my life. I'd drive past his house from time to time and would see his car in the driveway or see him in the front window, but he didn't return my calls.
See what I mean about that damn little cloud over my head? It just dumped a shit-load of confusion down on me. Everything seemed fine. We talked about it. Ok so he wasn't interested in me that way. No big deal. He didn't lead me on or anything. He didn't try to beat the shit out of me. He slept in my fucking bed with me the rest of the night. Then he doesn't even want to be friends even though he said he did? What the hell is up with that? How do you go from a nice night to a good morning and smiles and happiness with an 'I'll call you later' to never calling or returning a call? Wouldn't you be confused too? I mean what the fuck? I'd rather hear him yell at me or say he never wanted to talk to me again so something - anything. This bullshit about not talking to me just pisses me off. Ok so we weren't friends for very long, but we seemed to connect once we started talking. What the hell changed? I'm the same guy I was before we talked about sex. It isn't like I just discovered it that night or anything. Why won't he even bother to pick up the damn phone to call me. I am so fucked up right now. This has really messed with my head. I feel like the rug was just pulled out from under me while I was standing at the top of some gigantic staircase, and I'm falling and tumbling down all the stairs with nothing to break my fall. This sucks!
and that is the end of Part One...
other stories I've posted that you may enjoy are:
College Life in the 'College' section - last post was April 23
Walk in the Park in the 'Beginnings' section- last post was April 19
Please share your comments and constructive criticisms with me at: dselliot@yahoo.com