Disclaimer: This story contains deatails of realtionships between two constenting male adults. So if your not of age to read this (18 or 21 depending on where you live) or this offends you the leave now. For Everyone else enjoy.
First I want to tell the people that read this that know what it is based on, If I say something that is harsh or low, forgive me, I promised myself that I will not hold anything back.
To everyone who has read and kept me writing. I hope you all keep reading and keep this story going.
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This story picks up after Dj and Paite break up. It goes through the drama and rebuiling that goes on.
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"Hey, how where the fireworks?" I ask Cam and CJ when they came back.
"They where great you should have came, people where asking about you" CJ said.
"You know why I didn't go, the same reason I didn't go to dinner last night or lunch today"
"You need to move on, he has" Cam said but then got really quite after Cj shot him a look that could kill.
"What do you mean he has moved on" I said looking back and forth between Cam and Cj.
"Nothing, I shouldn't have said anything" Cam said not looking at me.
"WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON" I shouted at both of them.
"Baby, he is my roommate and one of my friends I can't keep this from him" CJ said to Cam."Paite and Len have been getting really close since yall broke up, they where really close tonight at the fireworks, and where acting more like a couple then frineds"
I got up and walked out of the house and down the street, I heard Cam yell at me but I ignored him and kept walking. I had no clue how long I had been walking until CJ, pulled up next to me and stopped. I just kept walking and ignored him until the caught up with me and grabbed me.
"Come on get in the car" He said
"Fuck off, Just leave me alone"
"What are you going to do if I don't, huh beat me up?, D I am your best friend and I know as much hatered and hurt you have, the one thing you can never do is hit someone you care about, He is the one that walked out on you. I know as much as he plays this mucho role that he is going through as hard a time as you are."
"If he cares so fucking much about me why did he leave me for that little home wrecking hore, tell me that?"
"The only person that can tell you that is Paite, but I have heard him cry at night. You need to talk to him and atleast try to save your frinedship before yall lose that"
I finally ended up getting in the car and going back home. I went to my room when I got home and wrote a letter to Paite.
Paite,
There is alot I need to say and I should do it in person, but it is easier to write. The first night that I met you I feel head over heels in love with you. I have thought alot about things that happend between us over the past few months since we have been togeather. I miss the times when we first started dating, and I wish that we could go back to them, but I guess now that is not possible. I know over the past month that we have been fighting alot and I have started drinking more and when I was upset I would take it out on you. I am sorry for that and seeming like I wanted you to be someone that you weren't, the person that I should have been trying to changed was me. The person that I was changing was the person that I fell in love with.
There were somethings that I never told you about my past and that I should have told you. When I was with Cole I was a typical club kid going out every night and parting, drinking and doing god knows what. The reason I had issues being on bottom during out realtionship was that I was raped by Cole when I was with him. I should have told you all this earlier because now it is to late. There is alot more that needs to be said but I can't say it right now, and I need to say it in person. I know you are gone with Len, but when you get back and get this will you please call me so we can talk. I just want you to know that I still do love you and I always will.
DJ
After I finished writing the letter it hit me that he more then likely has moved on and that I was betrayed by a friend. I broke down crying and the next thing I remebered was Cam and CJ being in my room rubbing my back telling me that every thing will be ok. That was the third night in a row that I cried myself to sleep over Paite. Then next morning I woke up and CJ was in the kitchen cooking
"Hey, feeling any better" He said.
" A little I guess, could I possible borrow you car for a little bit, I need to go to the store and get something" I ask.
"Yea, do you want me to take you?"
"No I am fine I will be back shortly" I replied leaving. I had picked up the letter and put it in my back pocket and was going to go put it on Paite's door and then go to the store and get some ciggerts and some other things. I was gone for about 20 minutes and when I got back Cam was sitting out side. I walked up and took out a smoke and was lighting it.
"D why are you smoking, I thought you said you quit for good?" Cam ask
"I know but my nevers are shot and I need something to calm then down" I said taking a drag.
"You could do something besides that" He replied talking down to me.
"Leave him alone Cam, he has gone throught alot in the past couple days, just give him a break" CJ said comeing out side.
"Ok, just don't smoke in the house and don't leave you butts on the ground" Cam said, " I am sorry I seemed kinda bitchy"
" Its kewl and I will keep them picked up"
" There are some eggs and stuff on the stove if you hungry" CJ said
"Ok, thanks, I will be in shortly"
The next couple days went buy in a blur, I spent most of the time thinking and trying to figure out what went wrong. I was laying in bed sunday afternoon and I heard the phone ring but I didn't get up to anwser it.
"D, its for you" Cam said sticking his head in my room.
"Who is it?" I ask still not wanting to talk to anyone.
" Its Paite, do you want to talk to him" He said
"Yea, I guess its time to face him" I said getting up to get the phone
"Hello" I said
"Hey" Paite said
"How was Austin"
" It was ok, I got you letter"
"Oh"
"If you still want to talk, we can meet up later"
"Sure, if you want to, could you come pick me up, Cam is going to a friends"
"I guess, I will be there around 8"
"Ok, I guess I will see you then"
"OK, bye then I guess"
"Bye" I said hanging up and taking the phone back in the living room.
"Everything ok" Cam said when I sit down.
"I guess we are going to talk later" I said watching Tv.
"Oh, is he coming over here" He said changing the channel.
"No, he is picking me up and we are going somewhere to talk" I said.
"Ok, If you need me call my cell" Cam said.
Well it was only 4 now so I decided to go running. I went and changed and ended up running for a while and thinking about what I was going to say to Paite when I talked to him. I got home around 6 and took a shower and ate. I ended up watch TV until Paite got there. When I heard him drive up my stomach started turning flips. I heard the gate open and got up to anwser the door.
"Hi" I said when he came in.
"Hi" he responded followed by a really akward slience.
"Did you want to talk here or go somewhere" I ask.
" Lets go to the Bush Libary" He said. In the time he had been there netierh one of us had made eye contact with the other one. We ended up leaving a little while later and going to the libary to talk.
"What happend to us?" I ask when he hadn't said anything.
"I don't know" He said."We just had to many problems and fought all the time"
"I know, and we agreed to work things out" I said.
" I know but I was confused about things"
"Paite I loved you, and still do, I have spent the past few days trying to figure out what went wrong" I said
" You didn't do anything wrong" He said not looking at me.
"Don't, Lie, you thought I did alot wrong but you where able to tell everyone else but me what was wrong and even now that we are broke up you still can't tell me" I said
"Its not like that, I just couldn't deal with the fighting anymore, and things whern't getting any better"
"Why break up and not take a brake and try to work things out?, When we wern't fighting we where really happy" I said starting to cry
" I don't know, can we talk more later, I have to work tomorrow and you are getting to emotional" He said with what I could tell where tears in his eyes.
"I guess, but I just want to know one thing, and I want you to be honest with me, Did you leave me for Len?" I said standing in front of him.
"No, I didn't, he is just a friend that is helping me right now"
We ended up getting back in the truck and going back to my house we talked a little on the way there.
" Paite, I just want you to know that no matter what I will always love you, and be here for you if you need me" I said and gave him a hug and got out of the truck and walked back into the house emotionlly drained for the night. I went to my room and got my smokes and went out side and had a smoke and CJ came outside.
"You ok?"
" Yea, I am fine, just a tab emitionally drained right now"
"You, know I am here if you need me" He said giving me and hug and going back inside.
I stayed outside for a little while and wrote in my journal. After a while i went back inside and went to bed since I had to work and go to class the next day. Plus I was having lunch with Lex. That night was the first night since the break up that I didn't cry myself to sleep. I think it was due to the fact that I was emitionally exhuasted.
The next day I got up as usal for class and waited for Lex after class so we could go to lunch.
" Hey stranger, you sure have been quite all weekend, you and Mr. Paite go somewhere" She said
"Well if someone would check her voice mail once in a while she would know why I wasn't around..Paite broke it off Thursday"
"Oh baby I am sorry, but don't let it get you down, he didn't deserve you anyway, so where are we going to lunch today?"
"Where ever you want to, I dont have to work today so we can do whatever we want the rest of the afternoon"
Me and Lex ended up spending the rest of the day togeather and we had a blast. We went an ate, then shopped, then ended up going swimming so it was a great day. It helped me get my mind off things for even a little while and it helped me start to move on. I ended up getting home around 7:30 that night, when I walked on the porch my cell phone was rining and it was a number I didn't notice.
"Hello"
"Is this Dj"
"Yea, who is this"
"Its Michelle, Coles sister"
"Hey, I haven't talked to you since well you know"
"D, as much as I wish this was it isn't a soical call, Cole is in the hospital"
"Why" I said sitting down.
"D, before I tell you you have to promise me you aren't going to freak out" When she said this I knew it was big.
"Ok, I promise"
"Cole tried to kill himself last night, He took a lot of meds and mom found him unconisons and not breathing this morning in the bathroom"
"Oh my god, is he ok, why did he try something like that" I was in shock when I said it, see has much as I hated him I still cared for him
"Babe, Cole found out yesterday that he is HIV+"
Well that is the end of chapter one of Starting Over. Please email me you comments, crictizims, and whatever. I hope yall enjoy this new seris.
DJ Email: dja778@aol.com AIM: dja778 yahoo: djaggie04