Confessions of a Fag Hag

By Diana Wimples

Published on Mar 15, 2023

Bisexual

The next evening, after Drew and Jess returned from an evening class on Reformed Theology we all joined up together at Jess's. Alex and Evan met Drew, Jess, Michael, and I, and we popped popcorn, made hot chocolate with peppermint Schapps, and planned to watch "Harold and Maude," a movie which had been mentioned the day previous at St. Christophers. While the popcorn was doing its merry tapdance in the microwave, Drew and I fought to tell Jess about our upcoming Canada trip. At the same time, we noticed a coy smile on her face.

"Well, you two," she grinned back, "Sounds like you'll be off and having international adventures with us. Just don't get yourselfs thrown out by the Mounties," Jess joked.

"No, just once at being expelled from Canada is practice enough for a lifetime," Drew shot back, "And this time Edit isn't going with us!"

"No way, no how, anyway, we couldn't have as much fun with Edit along," I joked.

Edit was Jess's former roommate, she'd since gone off and gotten an apartment of her own. She was Hungarian and known as a little "prudish." She didn't approve of Drew's "lifestyle" and I knew she wouldn't approve of mine either if she caught a clue. We'd taken her to Vermont with us during fall break, and when we attempted to take a day trip to Montreal, the Canadian border guards wouldn't let her in without a Canadian Visa. They'd told us at the international office at school that her U.S. Student Visa would be sufficient, so it truly wasn't her fault, but we still loved to joke that we were notorious enough to be denied entrance to Canada.

"Well, anyway, I'm jealous," Jess continued, frowning at us. Half the time we didn't know when she was jokingly sad or mad, or serious, and this time she was doing a good job at confusing us.

"I'm so sorry Jess," Drew soothingly said back. "If we could, we'd take you with us. . ."

"Why I wouldn't go with you!" She stuck her tongue out at us both.

"Why not?" I frowned back.

"I'm not getting in the middle of your soap opera lives . . . Plus, I have plans of my own, thank you very much. But did anyone ask?" She couldn't hold the sad and angry face anymore and suddenly started laughing.

"What! What!" Both Drew and I chimed in at once, Drew pounding her on the shoulder in his excitment, me checking her fingers for possible diamond-ring evidence. Nothing there. . .

"Why, I've conveniently arranged to go visit some friends back on the reservation where I used to work, and in mentioning it to Michael, he's kindly offered to house me while I'm there . . ." She grinned mischieviously back at us.

"Why you little sneak!" I giggled. "You snuck into his clutches, or should I say, you snuck into his Christmas plans, at least."

"Yep, he said he didn't want to worry about me being alone for Christmas, so we'll have dinner at his place with his sister, brother, and nephews and nieces. I'm so excited!" You could see she was about ready to jump up and down. Drew did the excited hopping around instead, and the two of us danced around the kitchen.

"What's going on in there?" We heard the boys yelling from the other room, "Is our popcorn ready yet, we're hungry in here!"

"Just you hold your horses!" We all yelled back in unison, and stopped the microwave just in time.

We grabbed the hot chocolate, Drew pulled the bottle of Peppermint Schapps from Jess's fridge, and Jess carefully poured the hot popcorn into a couple of bowls for all to share. As we walked back into her living room, they all joked, "It's about time," and the three of us stuck our tongues out in tandem. We could definately pass for brother and sisters. . .

Then, it was time to sit close and cuddly with our respective loved ones, and we popped in an intriguing movie about a young man who just wants to die, and an old woman who just wants to keep on living. Aaah, who could ask for anything better?

**Sorry it's been so long! I'll try to be a little more prompt with the next installment. No promises, but we'll see what hot and exciting adventures we can come up with next.


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