Disclaimer: Most events portrayed are fiction, while some are taken from the author's personal life. Please notify him in case you want to repost it/ publish it somewhere else. Any resemblance to any character living or dead is a matter of coincidence.
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Of course in my encounter with Lee I had added things to make it more erotic, but the fact was that I was not really conscious during most of the encounter. Another year had gone, and as I was climbing up the stairs of the career I had chosen, I was also finding it hard to believe that I would eventually end up with a person I could really love. One reason for it was that during many of my promiscuous encounters, I was searching for him or her, but I couldn't really find one. Most guys, or girls for that matter, wanted a sexual release, no strings attached, which was fine with me, at least for some time.
But as the years passed, I realized that this transiency was not for me. I wanted something permanent, someone who would really love me, and someone on whom I could bestow my affection and love. Whenever I would visit my parents, I would be stalked by questions about finding a girl, "Did you meet any? Are you going to remain bachelor life-long?" or, "How long till we have our grandkids? You need someone to spend the rest of your life with", it was clear that my parents were growing impatient, but this was not something I could just do and get it over with. Eventually, my parents just ignored the topic altogether, for which I was glad.
I was invited to Steve's wedding during the fall of 2017. He was marrying Brian. I was glad. "At least he is happy", I thought and sighed, glancing around my empty apartment. The tired sunlight of the evening, falling at the same desk, with papers scattered all over it. How long had it been that I cleaned up the desk? I didn't remember.
Steve's wedding was phenomenal, by the way. He and Brian looked good, a dynamic duo for sure. Their love for each other was apparent in their eyes, and evident in their actions for each other. I think the moment of the day was when they each spoon fed the ice cream to each other. I was really happy for them, but I was also a bit jealous that I didn't have anyone I could spend a moment like that with. They looked really cute together. Steve introduced me as his best friend from high school, I was elated, of course, and I and Brian made small talk before he was taken away by some girls for some selfies. I told Steve that I was really happy. He took my hand and thanked me for helping him when he was unable to decide for himself. I told him that I knew he would do good, I had confidence in him. He got a bit teary eyed, and I too. We hugged each other, telling each other how lucky we were to have met and be friends for so long. We were joined by Brian who too hugged me tight, telling Steve had told much about me, and winked. I wondered momentarily how much Steve told him, but I doubt he would have concealed much.
For the first time, I saw Steve, with eyes that were clear, devoid of confusion and unease that usually beset him. This man was confident, self-assured, full of dignity and respect for others, clear in his goals, and had a very handsome soulmate together with him. I knew he would do good in life, and wished him well for the future. We hugged each other once more, promising to maintain contact and visit each other frequently. We toasted one more time, for the good times before and ever after, and with that, I took my leave from one of the happiest weddings I had attended lately.
On my way home, a gnawing pain in my chest rose, as I looked back at the wedding. The tinge of envy, that I considered rose first, was not envy afterall. I realized, finally, that the emotion was one of pain and self pity. I mistook it for envy. And as the realization became more apparent, I once again realized that I had no one to share it with. The drive to home was full of agony, self-deprecation and self-pity. Completely uneventful, and how very opposite it was, from the lively ambience I had been in a few hours ago. I laughed a bit, on myself, and by the time I approached home, I was depressed. I contemplated taking a sleeping pill and sleeping the night away.
The house was cold and dull, as I switched on the lights. Everything was as it had been left. And I was as alone, as I was before. I considered calling Javier, but then it was late, and he was married. I considered calling Thomas or Kerry. Kerry was one of my women companions and sex buddy. Thomas said he was busy, I realized I had phoned him at the wrong time. Kerry was working an extra shift at night in the hospital today. I looked at the sleeping pill bottle kept on my bed stand, took two, set an alarm and went to bed. The covers were cold, but my life was colder, as I burned away the nightly hours to seek the light of the day.
It was morning again, and I was groggy from the sleeping pills. I looked at the shining sun outside, and realized the same old day had started again, the same humdrum that kept looping me back to where I started. Did I even start somewhere? I don't know, it was a cycle with no beginning or end. But I had to keep going. I looked again at the bright sun, and somehow, it didn't feel too mundane now. Maybe it was all my brain, but I felt strangely positive. An unknown energy filled me up as I just laid on the bed, soaking the morning sunshine, something I hadn't done in a long time. I laid there contemplating that maybe it was the beginning of something else?