Compassion

COMPASSION

Chapter 16

Another year just appeared to fly by and Michael was off to junior high. Paul was most put out that he was going to be separated from his brother but Darren explained the reason and promised to take them both in to school each day. Katelyn would pick them up because it would be at different times and after school activities would make it impossibly complicated for Darren or Jack to do it.

Both boys had become excellent horsemen but it was little Paul who looked like becoming a rancher. Michael wanted to see the world and climb mountains, hunt big game, become an adventurer. Both fathers smiled on these little boy dreams, but Jack was the one with his fingers crossed hoping that wouldn't happen.

Twelve years old and the budding adventurer showed his zest for living taking his now thirteen year old stallion a step too far.

One of the ranch hands almost skidded to a halt outside Jack's Animal Hospital one day, almost crying.

"Jack, call an ambulance, then bring a flat bed and a board. Michael has had a fall. I think he's broken his back."

Jack wanted to die, just at the thought of his first born becoming a cripple. He called for an ambulance, Darren's, calling Darren as well.

"Don't move him Jack, not even onto a board. I'll be there as fast as I can."

This was a Saturday, Paul was out on a different part of the range, Katelyn was in the house and heard the commotion, reaching Jack as he piled into a Ute with the equipment he thought might be needed.

"Kate, Michael's had a fall. Wait for Darren and bring him down to the West Range."

She didn't have time to argue, Jack was off, chasing the ranch hand on his horse.

Michael was still conscious, but the other ranch hand that had been left with him had not moved him. He was quite patently in great pain.

"I'm sorry Daddy, I tried to make Blackie take the wall. I guess he's too old. It's my fault, please don't hurt him."

Jack didn't know what to do, for the first time in his life. Michael looked so uncomfortable, but he daren't move him after talking to Darren.

"It's ok Son. Just lie still, Papa will be here soon, we'll get you fixed up."

"I hurt so much Daddy, and I can't move my legs."

Jack stroked the hair away from the boy's face and leant in to kiss him.

"Try to stay calm, you know Papa will do everything possible to make you well again."

Jack was amazed at how soon Darren appeared, the ambulance was ages afterwards. Jack stood back and watched. Darren had one of the ranch hands hold Michael's pelvis firmly while he straightened the legs, Michael showed no sign of extra pain and the look Darren gave Jack made him want to shrivel up and die. Neck brace was applied and then Darren had all of the men space their hands to move Michael onto the board with minimal movement of the spine.

"Boss. You need to look at Blackie."

Jack stood and walked over to the horse lying on the other side of the wall. The site brought tears to his eyes. Blackie was quite patently beyond help. He would have to shoot the horse, but he couldn't do it while Michael was here, that would be too much, they had been inseparable since Michael could walk.

"Go back to the hospital Wade, get a gun and bring it back here. I'll be going with Michael so you'll have to kill the horse. I want him brought back to the house and buried alongside the grand oak with Ebony."

Wade was in tears as well, he was one of the longer serving hands and had been with Michael so much as he grew that it was almost like having his own son.

First stop was Darren`s clinic for a full body scan. Jack's eyes were as attuned to what to look for as Darren's, in his case it was animals not humans but the principal didn't change. Both fathers' saw it together and gasped. The spinal column was severed. Almost certainly, Michael was going to be a paraplegic for the remainder of his life.

Darren was devastated but held it all together because this boy was Jack's, regardless of them all being in one family, this one was Jack's biological son. He would be beyond grief at this revelation. Michael was put into a cast to minimise movement, just in case exploratory surgery could repair some of the damage, then before he could protest Darren had put Jack out with a strong sedative. Father and Son were put into a private twin bedded room while Darren called in a couple of favours. The two foremost neurosurgeons in the country agreed to come to the clinic to advise, and if necessary operate on the boy. Then Darren had the least pleasant of any job he had ever had to do. First his parents, that was a phone call, then he had to make the trip to John and Sheila in person, this couldn't be done over the phone.

Devastated couldn't come even close to describing the reaction of these two old people who had doted on their grandsons since birth. John was first to recover his thought process.

"Where is Jack, does he know, is he alright?"

"Pa, he's with Michael. I've had to put him out to stop him going mad. We think Michael is damaged beyond repair. I'm sorry but you have to prepare for our son being in a wheel chair for the remainder of his life. I'm bringing in the best neurosurgeons in the country but Jack and I have both seen the break, it's almost total."

Darren had to sedate Sheila and then he and John sat and talked about what they were going to do. Paul Sr. and Elise arrived soon after and Darren left them together. He had to get back to the ranch to tell Paul Jr., he would be as devastated as anyone.

Steel showed. The boy cried his eyes out, totally lost at the news, this was his soul mate, his protector, his best friend, as well as his brother, but when he had relieved his grief he looked at his father.

"I'll look after him Pa, whatever it takes I'll look after him forever."

Ten years old is pretty young to take on that kind of commitment but Darren had no doubt his son meant it.

Katelyn was last and she was as devastated as anyone.

"You know I'll stay forever if I can be of any help, Darren."

Darren nodded, he had never doubted that would be her response.

"I think we are all going to have to be incredibly strong for the foreseeable future Kate, our boy is going to need an awful lot of help to put his life back together."

The neurosurgeons were less positive than Darren.

"We'll open him up Darren to have a look, but looking at the scan I don't want you to hold out too much hope."

That was Terence Arnold, probably the greatest neurosurgeon in the world. His microsurgery techniques were world renowned. Paul Nye was Nigerian, but was also a fellow of the Royal College of Surgeons in London. He had pioneered microsurgery in the orthopaedic world. The combination of these two was awesome. If they couldn't mend Michael, nobody in the world could.

In simple terms what they did was fuse the lower vertebrae where the break had occurred and after splicing nerve ends to the best of their ability they encased the spinal cord in a sheath to make sure it didn't rub against anything else.

"We can't do anything more here Darren. We will only know our success rate when the boy comes out of anaesthesia."

Jack was still sedated, both sets of grandparents were in the lounge in a silent vigil. Katelyn was with Paul Jnr. who had been banned from the clinic.

"We can cut the atmosphere here with a knife Katelyn, take the boy home. We'll let you know everything as soon as we know."

"I can't go home Pa, Michael needs me, I have to be here when he wakes up."

Darren was amazed that this ten year old was holding it all together better than the adults. He scooped his son into his arms.

"We all love him Son, but this vigil is for the grownups. You go with Katelyn, I promise she can bring you back as soon as we have any news on Michael."

Then the facade crumbled. Paul clung to his pa and sobbed his heart out.

"I can't go Pa, please don't make me. Daddy will need me as well."

"I'm sorry Son, I don't think being here is good for you. Take him Katelyn."

The boy was sobbing but Darren had too much else to occupy him to give his son the attention he would need, his whole concentration must be pointed at Michael's needs. He would explain to Paul when time allowed.

The vigil stretched everyone's nerves almost to breaking point.

Six hours after surgery, in the still, cold hours of dawn, Michael recovered consciousness. Darren was holding his hand as he showed signs of recognition.

"Hello Pa, where's Paul, where's Daddy?"

"They will both be here as soon as we've had a chance to look at you."

"This is Terence, and Paul, they have tried to put you back together again. We are just going to try a few tests to see how successful they've been."

"I hurt my back bad Pa, didn't I?"

Darren nodded, there would be no bullshitting this boy, he might only be twelve but they would have to tell him the truth.

"Is Blackie ok, you know it wasn't his fault? I pushed him too hard. I'm sorry Pa."

"We'll worry about that later when we've finished here."

Darren nodded at the two surgeons who pulled the bedcovers down and raised the surgical robe to just below Michael's groin.

A sharp implement was run down the soul of each foot. Michael twitched. Needles were jabbed into his legs at different points.

"Try to curl your toes Michael."

Nothing.

"Can you move your legs?"

Nothing.

They left, summoning Darren to follow them.

"I'll be back very soon Son."

Outside the room the worried looks made Darren's heart sink. How was he going to tell Michael, and worse how would he tell his love and his other son.

"I'm sorry Darren. There is minimal feeling in his lower limbs. He has a small reaction in his feet but nothing worth holding out any hope for. There is a small, and I emphasise, very small, chance that as the bruising and inflammation abates he will get slightly more feeling, but I doubt there is a 1% chance that boy will leave his wheel chair in this life."

Darren nodded, offered his heartfelt thanks to these two incredible surgeons, shook their hands and turned back to tell his son.

"Michael, we are going to do everything we can to make you comfortable. We'll get you as mobile as we can with super electric wheelchairs. You'll be the envy of all your friends, whizzing around the school on four wheels."

Michael looked aghast.

"I'm not going to be in one of those for long am I Pa?"

Darren teared up.

"I'm sorry son but it looks like it. You've done a lot of damage to your back."

"No Pa, I can't, I'm going to climb mountains, trek across deserts, swim in shark infested waters. I can't do that in a wheel chair."

Darren was crying openly now and Michael shrunk into himself.

Grandparents were told, Katelyn was called to bring Paul back to the clinic and then Darren dragged his feet back to the room where he knew Jack would soon be waking up. His man was totally devastated when Darren told him, and once again he had to put him out. The grandmothers remained with Michael while everyone else gathered in Jack's room. When Katelyn arrived, Paul Jr, nearly tore doors down to get to his brother.

"You're going to be alright Michael, I'm going to look after you, you see, we'll be ok."

He threw himself into his brother's arms and cried his eyes out.

"You've got to be alright, who is going to look out for me if you aren't there?"

Michael was crying as well but managed to reply to his brother.

"Of course I'm going to be alright. You'll just have to help me for a little while. You see, I'll be riding Blackie again before you know it."

The look of devastation on the faces of his grandparents, and Paul immediately told him.

"Oh no Gramps, have I killed him?"

John took the hand of the boy who had become his life.

"Yes son, Blackie is dead, we've buried him next to your Daddy's horse. He was old Michael, it wasn't your fault."

"But it was Gramps, I shouldn't have tried the wall, he was too old."

That single piece of news probably put back any chance of recovery by years. Michael was totally devastated that he had killed his beloved horse. He remained at the clinic for two weeks while bruising and inflammation receded, but still there was no feeling in the lower limbs. When the staff tried to move him into a wheelchair he nearly screamed the clinic down. Nothing would persuade him to be wheelchair bound so eventually he was taken home on a gurney and transferred directly into his bed.

Paul had to be almost levered from his brother's side to go to school leaving Michael with Katelyn for most of the day. He showed no interest in anything just staring ahead and answering Kate and other visitors in monosyllables. Six months of this, with Jack slowly disintegrating and Paul becoming as depressed as Michael made Darren bite the bullet.

"Michael, do you love your brother and your daddy?"

"What kind of silly question is that Pa, of course I do."

"Well in that case why are you destroying them?"

Michael didn't understand.

"Let me explain. We are pretty certain you are never going to walk again under your own steam. That's something that I am sure you have realised. Well, your brother wants to look after you like you looked after him. He loves you very much and wants to play with you and do things with you like before. We all know that will mean adapting things to allow you to do them from your chair, but it doesn't mean the end of your world. Your daddy doesn't know what to do, he is making himself very ill worrying about you. If you don't try to put your life back together I think you will lose your daddy. He's going to die of a broken heart."

"But I'm a cripple Pa," Michael almost screamed.

"Yes son, you are, but that doesn't mean the end of your life. Your brain is still good, your upper body still works ok, you just have to accept that the lower body is going to be a bit of a drag for you."

Michael tried, he took to his wheelchair, he allowed Katelyn to start tutoring him again ready to go back to school, he put on a brave face, but it wasn't working for him. He got more and more frustrated not being able to do the things he wanted to. Darren still made him go into the clinic for physio on his legs

"One day, if there is a breakthrough in micro surgery they may be able to restore feeling to your legs. I know it's a slim chance Son, but if it happens we must make sure your legs haven't deteriorated so badly that you can't use them.'

Michael thought it was a waste of time and fought it every time.

Nothing much changed then for two years. He wouldn't go back to school, but he did continue to study. He never appeared at the family cookouts with Brad and Tom's families, but within his own family he continued to function, sort of.

Crunch came on his fourteenth birthday. He and Paul were moving from the sleep wing to the main lounge when Paul spoke.

"Switch your machine off Bro, I'll push you."

Michael snapped, "Yeah, like a baby in his pushchair."

Paul stopped in shock at the viciousness of the voice. When Michael realised Paul wasn't with him he turned round and saw his brother lying on the floor sobbing. Pulling up close to him he looked down.

"What are you crying for?"

Paul looked at this brother that he loved so much and could do nothing for.

"I love you so much Mikey, I'd give you my legs if I could. I'll be here for you forever. I don't think you're a baby. I think you are big and brave, I just want to help."

Jack came looking for his two sons and found them clinging to each other, both crying their eyes out. Michael looked up at the worried expression on his Daddy's face.

"I'm sorry Daddy, I'll try to be good now."

The Birthday party wasn't much of a party, the air of gloom hung heavy over the house.

Andy heard about it from Katelyn the next day and decided he could do something about it. He went up to the big house and asked Jack if he could have a few minutes alone with Michael.

Quizzical look but no dissent.

"Hi Mike, how are you today?"

Michael looked at Andy as though he was mad.

"Oh, I'm real peachy. I thought I might go out in the yard and play hoops with Paul, or maybe go for a ride on one of the big stud stallions."

Andy could see and hear the sarcastic tone and demeanour.

"Yes well you could if you stopped sitting around here feeling sorry for yourself."

Michael was shocked enough to stay silent.

"I'm going to tell you a story Mike, then you can tell me to go. More years ago than I care to remember there was this little blond guy. He was twelve years old, and because he was little and cute, everyone thought he was gay, and without confirming it a bunch of rednecks nearly beat him to death, they would have done if his Pa hadn't come along. Your Pa saved his life and a bunch of surgeons put him back together again, sort of. When he came out of hospital he was in a wheelchair and on a ventilator. He was told he'd never walk again. Your Pa brought him out to this ranch, put him on crutches and took the wheelchair away. It really hurt for this boy to even stand and your Daddy was going to put him on a horse. When he wanted to give up your Pa told him, 'You can try to work through the pain barrier and learn to do things, or I'll give you back your wheelchair and you can sit there like a vegetable for the remainder of your life.' He took the first option. Within a year he was off the ventilator and the crutches had gone to sticks and the sticks to nothing. Everything worked again because the boy wanted it to and worked at it. That boy was me Mike. You may not be able to do that well, but you can play wheelchair hoops and with a special saddle we can probably get you riding again. Your upper body can compensate for the lower part if you work at it."

Michael looked aghast at Andy.

"I'll go now."

Andy went and Michael lay back in his bed and thought about it. He thought about how much he loved Paul, and how much he wanted to do things with him again. Result was that as soon as his Daddy came in to see him that afternoon before Paul got home he had come to a decision.

"Daddy, I want to ride again, and I want to play hoops with Paul. Can you have a saddle made for me and get a bodybuilding course for me to start building my upper body to compensate for this useless lower bit."

Jack was almost overcome. The tears were there but they didn't fall.

"I'm sorry Daddy, I know I've been horrible, but I'll try to be better now."

Jack took his son in his arms and nearly crushed him.

"I love you so much Michael, we'll do everything we can to make you happy."

It was as though a whirlwind had been let loose on the Double M ranch. Everyone appeared to be in good humour again and Michael realised how much everyone really did love him, mirroring his mood, as they had always done. It was hard, he worked out every day in between his tutoring. During the next year he built an impressive upper body making him much more mobile, almost hopping into and out of his chair. The big break through emotionally was when Jack decided it was time to introduce him to riding again. They went down to the paddock and in one of the corals Michael saw a beautiful black stallion. Jack said nothing as Mike looked at it. The tears came and in a soft voice he said, "That's Blackie's son, Daddy, isn't it?"

"Yes boy, he's been waiting for you since the day he was born. Katelyn's, Lady, is the dame."

"I deserve to be in a wheelchair Daddy, for killing his sire."

That was said so matter of factly, Jack was silent for a moment before dropping to his knees by his son.

"No Mike, what you did wasn't wicked, at worst a little thoughtless. You don't deserve to be in a wheelchair, and if we can ever change that, no matter how much it costs we'll get you out of it."

That was good enough, and his eyes lit up when Wade brought out the special saddle and made the horse ready to ride. Initially, Jack had him on a lead rein but Michael hadn't really changed and was riding by himself very quickly.

What with schooling, fitness training, hoops, and riding, Michael had no time to worry about anything else. Darren monitored him physically and Jack monitored him mentally. The boy was growing strong and self assured, showing the strength and determination he got from his biological father. Seventeen and he went back to proper school, never being very far away from his little brother. He had lost a year and was a junior with Paul, who remained small, but strong. Between the two of them any comments about cripples were met with some pretty extreme actions. Respect was earned by this wheelchair bound boy. ******************************************************************************* Life gets better for the not so little boys.