Coming out of my shell by David
I have lived most of my life in a small town in east Texas. There are quite a few churches here in this town. For somebody that is different, so to speak, it was quite difficult. I didn't know what I was and had no clue I was gay. I never heard of gay people until I was 12. I knew being attracted to boys wasn't considered normal but I couldn't help it. The girls here just didn't do it for me, they never did. But I did know that for some reason I couldn't tell my parents or my friends and had to keep this deep dark secret from everyone.
As I grew up, I was never one trying out for sports. I didn't really care for them. My druthers were artistic endeavors, theater performance and singing, although I don't think my voice is above normal for a kid. But I didn't care, I did it because I enjoyed it. Yep! It made me feel good inside. When I made it to middle school, I was still doing theatre but I was also in concert band.
However, through these years, my feelings and urges towards boys grew increasingly. I tried dating girls but nothing ever came of it. Becoming depressed, I put on weight too easily and soon became less attractive to people. At least that handled the dating issues.
By the time I was in high school, I was a part of many different venues. I was in student council, drama club, marching band, concert band, the debate team and all of this was to run away from myself. I felt very much alone while hiding my secret. All these different things kept me busy enough to fill a void growing inside myself. I was always looking over my shoulder, thinking that somebody might find out about me. By my senior year I had finally admitted to myself that I was gay.
My senior year was going great and I was elected class president, I had been accepted to S.F. Austen State University with a full ride academic scholarship, and I had made the All-Region Band for the fourth year in a row and I qualified for the All-State high school honor band being first chair. I was incredibly happy with my life right now, but I was still fighting with my demons about being gay. I wanted to tell someone badly but didn't know who I could trust. I have great friends but I don't know how they would take me being gay and I know I couldn't tell my parents.
The most important football game for a senior is Senior Night. As a band member, I was able to go on the field escorted by my parents and the announcer tells what I am going to do after high school. I was really excited for it, especially getting to wear my senior band outfit. But I am also excited because my cousin Carl is going to be coming to the game to walk with me since my dad was not able. He had surgery and isn't allowed to stand that long. I decide that after the game this Friday I would tell Carl I was gay. We were going to be at the same college together so I thought it would be a good idea to tell him. We are really close to one another even though he is older than me. I still see him as my best friend.
Friday finally arrived and I was leaving the school gym. I saw my cousin Carl leaning against his truck with a big smile spread across his face. I pretty much ran over to him and he wrapped me in a big hug. "Carl, it's so great to see you. Thanks again for doing this for me" I said. "No problem cuz! I'm happy to do it and honored that you asked me" Carl said as he slapped my knee. "So was it easy getting here?" I asked. "Yeah, it was and I thought I would pick you up from school." Carl said.
We rode the along, heading home, just talking about things. We pulled up to my house. Both of my parents and my brother were excited to see Carl again. We sat around the living room and talked for a while. Then I went to get ready and Carl came with me. "So are you excited for tonight?" "Oh yeah! It should be great! I really hope we win, we should anyway, the team we are playing sucks." I said with a chuckle. "Well then tonight should be good for our side!" Carl said.
I dressed quickly. I put on my black jeans, band shirt, my letterman jacket, slipped my shoes back on and grabbed my senior mace which my high school band boosters make every year for the seniors. They are the same drum major maces every year silver wrapped in maroon and white chords with our name and year engraved at the top. " So no uniform tonight?" Carl asked. "Nope, thank god the seniors get a night off!" I said with a smile "Umm? Carl when we get home tonight, can I talk to you about something" I said looking down at my feet.
"Yeah, sure, are you okay?" Carl asked sounding concerned. " Oh yeah, I'm fine. I just want to talk to you about something" I replied. "Oh, okay, cool" he said. We left for the game and when we arrived, I lined up in front of the band with the rest of the seniors. We lead the band into the stadium. As we entered, the crowd cheered enthusiastically! We are one of the best high school marching bands in the state going to the state competition every other year for twenty years, winning it six times. We are currently a four time defending state champion.
We got into our section except the seniors we went over to the other end of the field with the rest of the seniors. The football players went first then the cheerleaders dance team then the band. I was first to go since my last name started with an A. The announcer said my name and I started to walk out. "Davis is being escorted by his mother Diana and cousin Carl. After high school David plans to attend Stephen F. Austin State University where he will study computer science with a minor in computer forensics".
The game started and it was a close battle in the first half. It was the last time I was able to be with the band at half-time. The people were ecstatic over the music. We do have a supportive local crowd.
Anyhow, after the game was over (which we won, of course). I also won band beau. I rode home with Carl. I told my parents I was tired so I went to my room to change. Carl came with me to my room. "Okay Davis, what did you want to talk to me about?" I immediately got nervous and my palms started to get sweaty. I really wanted to change the subject "Ummm?" I was trying to gather my words. . . Then I just said " I'm gay".