I would like to preface this with the understanding that I am a 30+ Lesbian but I have a brother who is transgendered and has been all his life, He has suffered with his identity. I wrote e couple articles in the past using him and my understanding of him as a guide, I recently had a female friend tell me to explore the genre more, she found it fascinating and wants me to cut loose, so this is my first attempt to do so. Let's hope for the best.
Most of my life I have hidden in the shadows. The feel, Christ even the thought of lingerie against my skin makes me weak and puts me in a fit of sexual desire. I know I am a guy but I can do nothing about it. My mind tells me I belong in frilly dresses, wearing pink panties and hose .I have kept my secrete to myself but now I must burst out. I can either take my life and end this misery or come out and try to find a life as who I am. I choose the later. I have spent an entire day shopping for the perfect wardrobe. I know I am not as sexy as I want to be but I am now me and hope someone out there will accept me as who I am. I just purchased a black mini skirt, a very low cut burgundy top and 4" heals with black stockings before going to Victoria's secrete to find the most satisfying underwear. The clerk was sure I was a cross dresser, so I went all out and assured her I was and this put her at ease. Apparently if you admit the truth to yourself and others, the wall of deception comes down and you are either accepted as who you are or not.Who knew? I have always been partial to mint green undies, so I bought a complete set
of bras, panties, bustier and slip in matching mint green .I found my self very excited. For once I was not embarrassed or shy, I was out and proud. The clerk asked me to try on the outfit and I decided why not.? When I came out of the dressing room, with my manly haircut and one days growth of beard but in the sexiest outfit I could dream of, she stared at me for a few moments before making a couple suggestions. I should get a wig in medium brown to match my eyes and also go see her best friend at the department store for some makeup tips. She promised to call
ahead and let her friend know I was coming. So far my day was maybe the best ever. I guess confronting yourself and being honest is a good thing as Martha Stewart says. I spent almost an hour at the cosmetic counter getting tips and various concealers and foundations as well as blushers and lipsticks and so on.My goodness I had spent over four hundred dollars so far, but what the hey, the cost of beauty is worth it right? I was so pleased as I hurried back to my car to drive to the wig shop/ I had noticed a place on a main street that catered to cancer patients and knew they would be helpful even if they did not approve of my lifestyle. I tried on several wigs in varying lengths and styles. I had a few cheap wigs at home I had purchased sight unseen but I wanted a new and sexy image this time. I wanted a classy wig that would not look like a hair hat. I left with a neck length wig with a medium brown color that curled under my chin and was quite chic. Back at my apartment I assembled the wardrobe and took a shower, after anointing myself with perfume and making myself up in the mirror. I struggled with the false eye lashses and the nail polish, it is very time consuming but I guess a woman is worth it. My nails were a hot pink as were my lips and toenails. I had several pairs or high heals I had bought over the years but none seemed right for the occasion, so I decide to stop at a shoe store on my way out. Actually I had no idea where I was headed, but I was determined to hit the ton as the new lady in town. I stopped at the shoe boutique in my neighborhood confident they would never recognize me again and tried on maybe fifteen pairs of shoes before selecting some dark brown FMP's (fu ck me pumps.) I chose to wear them out of the store and bag my old shoes. I spent a few hours on the Internet finding CD compatible bars to try. One in particular peaked my interest Brassier's, it seemed very CD friendly. I
decided long before I realized it to head there. I had earlier printed out a map of potential bars. Once I arrived, the mood changed for me, I was a babe in the woods, very out cross dressers of all ilk's were there and speaking out proudly in the lobby and I was petrified. I felt undressed and out of place, shallow and uninvited. I mustered up my courage ,I paid my cover and went in, not having any idea of what lie ahead.