Chapter 29 Looking for Peace
*** This story is copyrighted and all rights are preserved by Hans Stegmann. This story is completely fictional.
Any similarities to anyone in real life are purely coincidental. The story is based on a gay sexual theme and should only be read by adults over the age of 18. If you are under 18 or offended by this type of material, please do not read on. ***
Whittaker woke and showered before me on Sunday morning. I lay in bed until he was dressed and ready to take his parents to the airport. Then I got up and dressed quickly without showering. I wanted to avoid conversation after what he'd said the night before.
We all said our goodbyes with one last round of back slapping before they drove off. Whittaker agreed to meet us at church after the airport. Things were still a little strained between us. I was still stinging from what he'd said at bedtime about Steve and Todd sexing it up together in jail. The reason it bothered me so much is because I worried it was true. I was never comfortable with Todd. He had way too much history with my Steve. I knew they'd had way more sex together than Steve and I by a long shot. It was forced on them for the sex tapes and all, so I told myself there wasn't the same kind of emotional attachment involved, but it was still sex and sex is a bonding experience. I tried to push the thought of them together out of my head.
As we traveled to church, I grew curious what this Shawna girl would look like that Billy was lining Whittaker up with. I realized I hadn't broken the news to him that I was playing matchmaker. I could see he hadn't arrived before us since his BMW wasn't in the parking lot. That didn't trouble me. I'd just save him a seat.
Billy found Jaime outside, but she was alone. They were holding hands and staring into each other's eyes with that star struck awe of young love. I worried that Shawna had changed her mind. I was about to walk over to talk to them when I was stopped by a woman in a very plain, wrinkled blue dress. A small child was holding her hand. I guessed the woman to be in her early twenties, but it was hard to place.
She had the lines of a hard life etched in her face already. The little boy, I guessed to be about two years old and something about him seemed familiar to me. He clung nervously against his mother.
"Excuse me," she said, touching my sleeve. "You're Shane Steel." It wasn't framed in a question, it was a statement. I wondered how she knew my name. I thought maybe from high school.
"Yes. Do I know you?" I asked.
"No. You don't. My name's Cheyenne. I need to talk to you."
I assumed that Billy had screwed up the name and that this was the girl he was lining up with Whittaker.
I couldn't imagine what he was thinking. He'd told me that she was no runway model, but she was far from that. She was very plain. She wore no makeup and her hair hung limply down to her shoulders. She did have a trim figure, skinny to the point of undernourished almost. She spoke softly and somewhat apologetically.
"What about?" I asked. "My friend, Whittaker?"
"Who?"
"David Whittaker. Are you the girl that my brother arranged for Whittaker to meet up with here?"
"No. I don't know who that is or what you mean. I just need to talk to you," she said barely above a whisper.
"Oh. What about?" I asked.
"You were Steven Fahrenheit's roommate in college." Again it wasn't a question.
"Yeah, so?"
"Have you spoken with him since he was arrested? Do you know how he is doing?" she asked.
"Yeah, I've spoken with him. He's okay. As okay as you can be in jail. Why do you care?"
Ignoring my question, she continued. "I heard news reports that you and Steven weren't just roommates. They say you were lovers. Were you?" This time it was a question. When she asked it, she looked me directly in the eye.
"Umm, that's not really any of your business. Why do you want to ask all this about me and Steve? Did some reporter put you up to this?" I asked.
"No. I'm here on my own," she answered. The little boy started to fidget and she looked down at him and gave his hand a little squeeze.
"Okay," I drawled, "but that doesn't answer my question. Why do you want to know this stuff?" I folded my arms to show that I was done sharing things until I knew why she wanted to know.
"I worked in the cafeteria at the boys' home. I knew Steve and Todd there. They were good boys. It's so unfair what's happening to them. Do you have any idea if they will have to go to prison?" she asked.
"Probably. For a while, at least," I answered.
"How long?" she asked in a strained voice. I could tell she really did care about Steve and Todd.
"It's hard to say. The attorney says he might be able to get it down to three or four years. But it could be as much as ten," I answered truthfully.
"Ten," she whispered. "That's so long."
"Yeah. I could end up getting more and I didn't do anything wrong at all," I said. I don't know why I suddenly shifted the focus to me, I suppose I wanted some sympathy. Then I asked her, "Did you know what was going on with the boys. The sex stuff, I mean?"
"No."
I wasn't sure if I believed her or not. I couldn't read her.
The boy tugged at her hand and squirmed, "I have to go potty," he said.
"Okay, just a minute," she answered kindly. "Do you know where the bathrooms are at?"
"Inside the doors, then to the right for the women's," I answered.
"Thank you." She nodded and guided the little boy toward the large church doors. She stopped and turned back. "Please tell Steven that I am praying for him when you talk to him next."
"Okay. I will," I answered.
Billy and Jamie walked over and asked, "Who was that?"
"I don't know. Some girl who used to work as a cook or something at the boys' home where Steven was. Her name's Cheyenne. She was asking a bunch of questions about Steve and Todd."
"Weird."
"I know. I thought she was the girl you were lining Whittaker up with and I was thinking 'damn, really Billy?'"
Billy and Jaime laughed.
"So what happened to Shawna? She bail?" I asked.
"No. She's already inside. She's singing with the choir," Jaime answered. "She has a beautiful voice. We should go in. It's starting, I think."
"Nah, you guys go in. Save a seat for me and Whittaker. I'll wait out here for him. I don't want it to be awkward for him to go in alone and look for us."
"Okay," Billy said. Off they went, hand in hand, arms welded together.
When Whittaker finally arrived I asked him, "What took you so long?"
He grumbled and pulled a wadded up speeding ticket out of his pocket. "Seven freaking miles per hour over. Seven!"
"Dude, you were in the airport. You can get a ticket for going one mile under the posted limit inside the airport. It's surprising they didn't arrest you for seven over." I laughed and he scowled, snatching the ticket from my hand.
When we entered the foyer area, we could hear the pastor starting his sermon inside the sanctuary. "Maybe we shouldn't go in," Whittaker said. "It could be disruptive."
"No, we'll just find a seat in the back. C'mon, I want to hear this," I responded. We carefully opened the door and made sure it shut quietly behind us. I scanned the pews. The back benches by the aisle were all taken. The young woman I had spoken with and the small boy were on the second to the back row. She saw that we were searching for seats. My family was too close to the front to sit by without being disruptive. Cheyenne scooted the boy along the bench and the couple next to her scooted over a bit also clearing two spaces for us. Whittaker and I slid in. The boy watched us and when I caught his eye, he smiled at me. It reinforced the sense of deja vu I'd felt earlier.
Pastor Nichols was speaking on finding peace in our lives.
He read, "Peace, I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." He looked up from his scripture and said, "Jesus spoke those words to his disciples in preparation for his separation from them. He knew it would be hard for them to be separated from him when he was crucified and taken away. He told them that they could have peace in their hearts even when they could not have his companionship. I lost a parent at a young age and it was very hard for me. I was angry for a long time. Then, after a year or more of that anger and pain and lashing out at everyone around me, I was in a church meeting just like this one. The pastor read that very line of scripture."
He stopped, struggled with his emotions and then continued in a shaky voice. "I heard the voice of my mother speaking in my mind. As clearly as if she was sitting next to me. She told me it was all right. She told me she was with Jesus and that I would be all right without her if I would trust in Jesus and let his peace fill my heart. 'Paul,' she said, 'stop wasting your time being so angry. If you serve others you will find peace. Learn to love, Paul. Learn to love others and you will find peace.' I cried out, silently, for her and then for Him. 'Jesus, help me, I cried. Help me find peace.' And he did. I felt the power of the Comforter, the Holy Ghost, who Jesus sends to those of us left behind and I felt the power of His peace. From that day on, I have dedicated myself to serving Christ by serving my fellow men."
He then read from Matthew 16:25, "For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." Then he turned to chapter 25 and read the parable of the sheep and the goats concluding with verse 40. "And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
I leaned over to Whittaker and said with misty eyes, "I want that kind of peace. I want to do something with my life that will make a difference to others."
"I'm sure you will, Shane. I know you will," he answered. He placed his hand over mine and gave it a squeeze to emphasize his sincerity. I smiled towards him.
After the sermon, the choir sang a closing hymn and I quickly picked out which one Shawna would be. She stood a head taller than those surrounding her and blonde hair cascaded over her shoulders. She was as Billy had indicated, pretty in a simple way. We shook hands with the pastor on our way out and he greeted me kindly, asking how I was holding up. I told him I was fine and introduced him to Whittaker, who complimented him on the sermon. He politely accepted the compliment and we moved outside to gather up on the lawn. Billy and Jaime came up to us with Shawna in tow. I looked around for the young woman, Cheyenne, who'd spoken to me, but she had slipped away.
"Hey. Good sermon, wasn't it," Billy said to Whittaker. "Glad you joined us. By the way, this is Shawna. Shawna, this is Whittaker, my brother's friend who's staying with us for a while."
They exchanged the awkward first introduction greetings and then Billy suggested we go get some frozen yogurt for a treat and a chance to chat. I wholeheartedly agreed and then Mom dropped a bomb on me. "Son, you can't go. We have to stay together, remember? And Adam is supposed to call."
"Mom! It's just to get some yogurt and then we'll come straight home," I whined like a grade school boy.
"No, Shane. It is not worth the risk. Not now." It was her tone of voice that meant there was no argument to be had.
"See you guys at home, I guess." I sulked all the way home. I wondered how it was going with Whittaker and Shawna. I felt very left out. I started to wonder if lining Whittaker up was such a good idea after all. I kept checking the driveway for a sign of Whittaker's BMW, but it was a full three hours before it delivered Whittaker and Billy back home.
"What took you so long?" I asked. My annoyance showed.
"What's eating you?" Billy shot back.
I started to tell him just exactly what it was, when I stopped and realized there really wasn't any kind of good reason for me to be upset other than my hurt feelings over being left out. I'd spent so many years not being chosen for teams and not being invited to go to the party or dance or whatever, that I was hypersensitive to it. "Nothing. I was just getting a little worried about you guys, is all," I lied.
That diffused Billy's defensiveness, and Whittaker answered. "Sorry to leave you hanging here alone so long. We just got talking and laughing and telling stories and time sort of flew. Then we had to take the girls home after."
"Oh. Sure. So you and Shawna hit it off?" I asked.
"Yeah, she's pretty cool. She's into politics and history. We got onto the French Revolution and she had so many insights into what led up to it."
"Boring!" Billy said, rolling his eyes. "Jaime and I did some revolutionary Frenching while they blabbered on."
I laughed.
"Fuck," Whittaker said. "That's true. But it was more like revolting than revolutionary. I was afraid I might have to resuscitate one of them if they didn't stop long enough to breathe every now and then."
"Shut up," Billy said, but he liked being teased about it. He was such a horny little shit.
"You think you will see Shawna again?" I asked Whittaker.
"Thinking about it. She seems pretty cool actually. We exchanged numbers."
"That's great. I'm glad you found a friend here," I said.
"Another friend," Whittaker corrected me. "I already have a best friend, right here." He pulled me into a headlock hug. I was feeling a little selfish by half wishing I hadn't arranged to set him up, for fear of having to share him.
Billy went upstairs, either to call Jaime or jack himself off. I wasn't sure which was more likely. Whittaker and I went to the family room to talk about things. "What did Adam have to say?" he asked.
"All kinds of news, actually," I answered. "He got a deal for Steve and Todd finalized. Three years at some minimum security place in South Dakota. Adam says they'll be safe there and that it's not a bad place at all. It's in some place called Yanktown. Weird name, huh?"
"Yeah. Kind of funny really. I'm sure the prisoners do quite a bit of yanking there. What else is there to do?" Whittaker joked. I didn't find it all that funny. "So only three years," Whittaker commented. "That's not too bad."
"Not too bad? Three years for no reason. His evil father, Judge Arty, stole his childhood and his innocence and now the courts are stealing three years of our lives that we can't be together. It's so unfair. I hate it so much!"
"I'm sorry, Shane. I didn't mean to downplay it. At least it's not worse, you know? At least he's alive and will be safe. Poor Calvin got the death penalty and he --," Whittaker choked back some emotion. "And he was totally innocent."
"Yeah. Still, it sucks. I am glad that they will be safe. I asked if I could go visit, but I can't until my whole legal mess is over with. I can write to him though."
"That's a good thing, at least," Whittaker said.
"Yeah. It's not as good as telling him in person, but it's better than nothing."
"Right," Whittaker affirmed. Then he asked, "Tell him what?"
"That I love him and that I will wait for him, however long it takes" I answered.
"Ahh. Of course." Whittaker fell silent for a long while.
When it got awkward, I asked, "You okay?"
"What? Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I just got lost in a thought." Then he straightened up and pulled out his laptop. He googled Yanktown Federal Prison and it turned out I had it pronounced wrong. It is actually Yankton, not Yanktown. We peered at the web pages together and the more I read about it the better I felt about Steve being there. It was truly a minimal security facility. So minimal in fact, that it didn't even have a fence around it. No prisoners risk leaving in fear of getting sent to a real prison. It is a converted junior college and it looks like an old Ivy League school. The grounds are actually quite nice. The prisoners live in converted dorm rooms. They can take college classes online and they can have small jobs to earn money to spend in the commissary. There is almost no risk of any violence there. It's mostly white collar criminals who get sent there. Adam had truly done a good thing for him.
"That's awesome. I mean if you have to go to prison, that's definitely the one you want," Whittaker said.
"For sure," I agreed. "I know I won't get something like that if I end up going."
"You won't go. Don't even think about it," Whittaker tried to assure me.
"I wish I could be that certain, but I'm not. The other thing Adam told me is that the disposition of that Daniel kid from Yellowstone is coming up this week. The prosecution kept stalling on it, but now they suddenly want it done this week. I think Adam is a little suspicious of that, but maybe I'm just paranoid."
"Well that's good to get it moving forward. When he tells that nothing really happened, maybe the prosecution will just drop the case. It's really all he has to go on."
"Yeah. Adam wants me to do something before the disposition and I need your help with it."
"Okay, sure, but," Whittaker began, "it's not a disposition, it's called a deposition."
"That's right. I don't know why I called it the wrong name."
"You're not used to hearing legal terms thrown around at the dinner table, like I am. So what can I help with?" Whittaker asked.
Billy walked in and asked if he could use the computer in our room. "Sure, I answered. Just don't delete the Word file I have up. It's a letter to Steve I've started."
"Okay. That's what I wanted to know. I'll just minimize it," Billy said.
"Cool." Then turning back to Whittaker, I need a couple pictures of my dick, one soft and one stiff. Will you use your phone camera and then email it to him. This one I've got takes horrible pics.
"Sure. My pleasure," Whittaker said with a smile.
"There's one more thing I need. I'm not sure how to do it."
"What?" Whittaker and Billy both asked.
"He wants me to find a motel by this Wednesday that has the same kind of layout as the one in Yellowstone. He wants to send a guy over to do a walkthrough and take some pictures of it," I explained.
"Hmm," Whittaker said. "So you have to be like totally naked in the hallway and all that?"
"Oh my gosh, I hope not."
Billy laughed. He asked, "What was it like? Draw it out."
I grabbed a notepad from the hall desk and sketched out the layout, how the door opened, and the bathroom was just inside the door to the left, where the toilet was and the tub/shower next to it, where I hid when Daniel's parents came in.
"Were you scared totally shitless, standing in the shower while his parents were in there talking to him?" Billy asked.
"You have no idea. I was shaking and trying to not even breathe. It was horrible and then when Daniel's dad asked him how come he kept looking at the shower curtain, I just knew I was dead meat," I recalled.
"What did he say to that?" Billy asked.
"Luckily, Daniel's dad kind of answered for him before Daniel could even say anything. There was a picture of a big bull elk on the curtain and his dad said it must be the big elk that he liked and Daniel agreed that he did like the big elk and got started talking about seeing them when we went out to feed them in the wagon. I think that distracted Daniel enough that he even forgot I was there."
"Crazy shit you get yourself into, dude," Billy said. "But I think I can solve your motel problem. I know a place that's laid out just like that."
"Really? Where?" I asked.
"The Country Inn over on the other side of town. We can go check it out if you want."
"Okay. But Mom or Dad will have to come with me. I hate that stupid rule. God, I want my life back," I said.
"I bet. Go ask her and we can go now. But don't tell her that I knew about this place," Billy said.
"Yeah, how do you know?" I asked.
"Think about it," Billy responded like it should be obvious.
"Do they rent rooms by the hour?" Whittaker asked with a snicker.
"Yeah."
"Is it close to where Jaime is living?" Whittaker asked.
"Good job, Sherlock," Billy said.
"Oh wow. Every Wednesday?" I asked.
"Not every," Billy said. "Most."
"You're such a hound," I said.
"You're just jealous," Billy answered.
"I know I am," Whittaker chimed in. "Jealous as hell."
"Just how sleazy is this place?" I asked
"Nah, c'mon. It's not like that. It's older, but it's clean and respectable. It's not a junkie dive or anything. It's just convenient and cheap. Twenty-five bucks gets you an hour and a shower," Billy said. "It's great. Best day of the week, Wednesday's are."
Mom agreed to go since Adam wanted us to find one. We drove out to it and the desk clerk let us see one of the rooms. It was laid out almost exactly like Yellowstone except that this place had two sinks along the wall opposite the tub/shower and Yellowstone only had one. I figured that was as close as we would get. We all speculated over why Adam wanted it. Mom never asked and we didn't volunteer on how we found the place.
That night, Whittaker and I slept together in my upstairs bedroom for the last time. Monday, we spent the morning setting up the cabin as his own little apartment. "I'm gonna miss having you in my room, dude. My whole life I've shared a bedroom. It feels strange when I sleep alone."
"I never shared a room until I went to MSU. I always had my own room. It took some time to get used to sharing. I won't lie, Jensen really got on my nerves at first. I really liked it when we switched rooms and I got to be your roomie for a while." Whittaker winked.
"Jensen got on most people's nerves, I think," I said. "I know he bugged Steve, even though Steve politely denied it."
"I wonder what he's up to," Whittaker wondered.
"Me too. Maybe we can find him on Facebook."
"Yeah, maybe. Well, goodnight," I said with a hug. "See you in the morning."
Whittaker hugged me back and said. "Okay. Sleep well."
That night I dreamt of Steve. I dreamt that I was in the low security prison with him and that I was checking to make sure the other cell mates were sound asleep, then I crept into his bed where we made out. Slowly, he slipped my shirt off and then my pants and finally my boxers. I rolled onto my stomach and he spread my ass cheeks and lubed me up. I'm not clear what he used for that. Then, I moaned on sheer delight as he slowly, gently pressed his manhood into my desperately needy ass. He humped me slowly in a patient, methodical rhythm so that we made no noise beyond my soft moans. After what seemed like an hour's worth of extended pleasure, he himself pressed deeply into my cavern. He sucked in a deep breath and held it while he quivered in the throes of a powerful orgasm.
I humped slowly against the sheets while he was cumming inside me to send myself over the edge and I expelled my own load of thick, hot semen until we both melted into a post orgasmic buzz. We both were breathing heavy and sweating slightly. Steve nibbled on the nape of my neck until he shrunk enough that my sphincter evicted his penis.
Then, I awoke to find myself rolled off of my pile of pillows and lying face down on Whittaker's side of the bed. I was lying in the slimy ejaculate of my wet dream. The experience was both satisfying and exasperating. I so badly wanted to slip back into the dream, but the reality was that I could not have anything more than a wet dream with my lover for many years, and if I were convicted, quite possibly never again. As that thought overwhelmed me, I cried in despair until I fell back asleep.
The following morning, I cleaned up the mess and washed the sheets. Whittaker politely said he missed my company but said he slept well. I didn't mention the dream. We worked on the business together and it was honestly a wonderful distraction. I stayed so occupied with all the details and forms and research that Whittaker assigned to me that the day simply flew by. Everything was set for the photographer to show up the following day to go to the motel and shoot the pictures that Adam wanted. I was anxious to get the deposition over with and hopefully show the prosecutor that he didn't have a real case against me.
Wednesday, just after lunch, Mom and I rode with Whittaker to the motel. Billy drove separately because he wanted to pick Jaime up from school afterwards. When we arrived, a small dark haired man approached us. He had a young boy with him dressed in a tuxedo. "Hello, I am Antonio. This is my nephew, Leandro. You are Shane Steel?"
"Yeah. I am," I answered shaking hands. Little Leandro was very polite.
"Very very good. I have us all set up in room 145. Shall we go then?"
"Umm, sure." Turning to my mother and Whittaker, I asked, "are you guys coming?"
"I'd rather not," Mom answered. "I'll wait in the lobby. I brought a book."
"I'll come with, I guess," Whittaker said. I suspected that Mom really didn't want to know too much of what really happened.
"If you please ma'am, I will need your assistance," Antonio requested.
"Oh well, if you need me, of course," Mom answered.
When we entered the room, I was surprised to see that the bathroom had been setup to look very similar to the one in Yellowstone. Antonio had even hung an exact replica of the shower curtain with the big elk on it. "Where did you find a shower curtain like that?" I asked.
"I borrowed it from the hotel in Yellowstone. I want it all to look as authentic as is possible. I will return when we are done here," he said. I couldn't quite place his accent, but it was foreign.
"Cool. So what do you want me to do?" I asked.
"Go there behind the wall by the bed and remove your clothes," he said.
"What? You want me to get naked? In front of everyone?" I asked. I was mostly worried about the boy and my mom.
"No, no. Not naked. I have beige bikini suit for you to wear. You will only look naked for the pictures, okay now?"
I reluctantly took the bag from Antonio's hand as Whittaker snickered. I stepped behind the wall out of view and stripped. Donning the suit, I gave the appearance of being naked. I stepped out and Antonio nodded approval. "Size is good. Wonderful. Let us begin."
He motioned for us to come into the hallway. I showed him the approximate location of the plant next to where the elevator doors would have been. Leandro stood there behind a potted plant that Antonio had placed. My mom and Whittaker also stood there against the wall. I was positioned behind another plant at the end of the hall. It was really very much like the setup in Yellowstone. Antonio walked us through the events without the camera. Leandro, representing Daniel, came down the hall and tried to open the room door, dancing from foot to foot. I emerged and helped him enter. Then, I went into the bathroom ahead of him and started to reach for a towel. Like I had before, I stopped and helped the young boy with his cummerbund and belt. The boy didn't actually take his penis out or pee but he pretended to. I went over the dialogue with him and he reached out and touched where my penis would be just like Daniel had done. Antonio did several takes of every part, filming from various angles.
Then, my Mom and Whittaker entered the room just as Daniel's parents had done while I quickly stepped behind the shower curtain. Mom and Whittaker performed their lines just as Daniel's parents had spoken. We did several walkthroughs and Mom needed several tries each time to get her lines straight. Finally, Antonio had us do a final walkthrough, step by step, while he videoed us without stopping. Three full takes later, Antonio announced that we had done a good job. I got dressed and Whittaker and I helped Antonio load all of his equipment and the potted plants into his rental van. Billy showed up just as we finished.
"Typical timing," I chided. "You show up just as the work ends."
Billy laughed. "I planned it that way."
Shawna was also with them and she found her way next to Whittaker. He smiled and gave her a friendly hug. Jaime did introductions of everyone to Shawna and we engaged in small talk. Billy started asking about what we had just done with Antonio. I steered the conversation away from that since the girls were there. It was awkward. Mom helped change the subject for me. I think it was pretty uncomfortable for her too. In a way, I think it was good for Mom to have been involved by playing the part of Daniel's mom. It helped her realize how innocently I had fallen into the whole stupid situation.
We were still unsure what Adam had in mind for all of this and Antonio provided no help to us, simply saying he was just hired to make the movie. I trusted that he knew what he was doing.
"I should be getting home," Mom said.
"We're just gonna hang out here a while," Billy said. "You can take the truck home and I'll ride back with Whittaker."
I felt the burn of being odd man out welling up inside of me. "Fine," Mom responded and added, "If you ladies want to join us for dinner, it will be served around six. You're all welcome. Please let me know so I can plan."
"That's sweet of you, Mrs. Steele, but I'll pass. I have homework to do," Jaime declined. Shawna also quickly declined.
"Boys, can I expect the two of you?" Mom asked.
"Sure." They answered in unison.
"Later, dude" Whittaker said to me as I walked off with Mom.
"Yeah. Later," I replied. I was silent on the way home. It was awkward. Mom didn't press me other than to ask what I'd like for dinner. I suggested spaghetti. My comfort food.
At a stoplight, Mom turned toward me and said, "It's hard being left out, isn't it?" I looked away and wiped a corner of my eye. I nodded. "I'm used to it."
"You never get used to it. I still remember how it was. Last one picked for games, the crowd in the hallway breaking up when you join in, hushed snickers behind your back. Others going off to hang out and you're left sitting home reading a book. It all hurts."
"You?" I asked.
"Uh-huh. Me. It seems you didn't fall that far from the tree. But now, none of that matters. I have a wonderful life with a wonderful man and wonderful kids. I'm as happy as can be and you will be one day too. What you're going through right now is hard. Really hard and it hurts me to watch you go through it. But you're a good person with a good heart and nobody can take that from you. Only you can destroy that part of you and I pray every day that you won't let that happen."
"Thanks, Mom. I love you."
"I love you too, Shane. With all my heart." I smiled and wiped away more tears. Happier tears.
At home, I busied myself with work on the sprayer company to keep my mind off of what Billy and Whittaker were up to with the girls. True to their promise, they showed up in time for spaghetti. Mom asked how their time was. "Good," was the only answer she got. I knew it was more than just good. I didn't say much at all during dinner. After dinner, I decided to go for a walk. I needed to be getting more exercise now that my ribs were improving. I still couldn't run or jog, though. Whittaker offered to go with me.
"You can run if you want, you don't have to hang back with me," I told him after we passed the oak tree where I'd gotten the beatdown by Sherriff Withers.
"I don't mind hanging with you. I can run later if I decide to," he answered.
"Are you sure? Because I don't mind being left. I'm used to it," I said. I had a veiled meaning and I knew I shouldn't be going there, but I couldn't help myself.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked. "What are you saying?"
"Nothing. I just don't want to keep being a burden on you. I know the reason you're here is to take care of me and now my family and it's great of you, but I just don't want to keep holding you back."
"I'm not here out of some obligation, dude. I'm here because I wanna be," Whittaker answered.
"That's nice of you to say," I responded.
"No it wasn't. I didn't say it to be nice. I said it because it's true. When have you ever known me to say or do anything I didn't really want to?" he asked.
"Never."
"Exactly."
We walked on in silence for a ways and then I asked, "So how was your time with Shawna today? And don't say good."
He snickered. "It was good."
"Smartass!" I said. He snickered again. "Really, how was it?" I pressed.
"It was just good. What do you want me to say? She's a nice girl. Easy to talk to, you know. I don't get all stupid around her like I do with a lot of girls."
"That's cool." I responded. "You moved along pretty far for a second date, I'd say."
"Why do you say that?" Whittaker asked.
"Well, you know, an hour with a shower on a second date. That's pretty quick."
"What?" Then he realized. "Oh fuck no. You think ..."
"Well yeah, that's what Billy and Jaime do on Wednesdays and you were right there," I said.
"So that's what all the pouting is about. You think we got it on at the motel after you had to go home with Mommy," Whittaker concluded.
"I'm not pouting," I denied.
"Yes you are. You have been all night."
"Why would I care what you guys do?" I asked.
"I don't know. Why would you care?"
"I don't." I answered.
"Then why'd you ask?"
"Ask what?"
"About how my time was with Shawna?" he answered.
"Just making conversation," I lied.
"Bullshit. You're jealous," he said, calling me out.
"Am not!"
"Yes you are," he insisted.
"Why would I be jealous? I'm the one who asked Billy to set you up with her. I was just making conversation. If you're embarrassed to talk about it, fine. But don't be calling me jealous."
"Cut the crap, okay?" Whittaker said, stopping and taking my arm. "I didn't have sex with Shawna. Billy didn't have sex with Jaime. We went to a park and played on the playground equipment. Like we were kids again. Afterwards, we just sat at a picnic table and talked. All four of us. No sex. Billy and Jaime did some making out in my backseat on the way to take the girls back home, but there was nothing more. I never even kissed her. The most we did was hold hands. Do you think I'd really fuck some girl on a second date?"
"You said you fucked girls on one-nighters back in high school, so yeah, I thought you did Shawna while Billy was doing Jaime. Why wouldn't I?"
"I guess I did brag about shit like that. I already admitted that none of that shit was true. I've never fucked a girl in my life. I'm a vaginal virgin. The only two people I've ever had any sexual contact with is Calvin and you. Oh, and a babysitter once, but that doesn't count. I was a dumb kid and she took a little advantage of me."
That stopped me dead in my tracks. "Is that true?" I asked.
He nodded. "Afraid so."
"Why lie about that?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Stupid pride, I guess. Trying to act big."
"Are you even hetero?" I asked.
"I don't know. Honestly, I don't. I think so. Maybe. I liked what Calvin and I did together, but he was definitely hetero. At least, I'm pretty sure he was. He'd done girls before. Slut types, I think. I liked what you and I did together. I liked it a lot. Maybe I'm bi. I get hard when I think about Calvin and you, and I get hard over girls too, sometimes. I just don't want to even think about it right now in my life. I'd rather just focus on getting your dad's business going and helping you with your case, however I can."
"What about Shawna?" I asked.
"What about her?" he responded.
"Do you want to try and make something happen with her? Does she get you hard?" I boldly asked.
"Not really. I mean, she's cute enough and all. She's really easy to talk to. I like her. You'd like her too, if you got to know her. I haven't really thought of her sexually, though. Not yet anyway. Who knows? Does it bother you that I like her?"
"No, of course not," I lied. "I'm just curious. I asked Billy to set you up with someone so you'd have somebody to hang with and help you with getting over Calvin. I just was wondering how it was going between you. That's all. I mean, I've got Steve, and Billy's got Jaime, and I just wanted you to have someone, too."
He smiled. "How noble."
Whittaker walked on in silence for a while before he continued, "Don't worry about me. I'm fine. I'm happy for you and Steve. I hope you get the 'fairytale' ending you're hoping for with him, pun intended. I'm young and free and on a mission to make something out of myself and I think your dad's invention is an opportunity for all of us, me included. So there's some selfish motivation for me being here. There are lots of things here I have interest in. I want to make my parents proud of me," Whittaker explained.
"I can tell that they are," I assured him.
"Thanks for thinking of me, Shane, I'm honestly glad I got to know Shawna. I like her. And, I like you. I like you a lot. I appreciate that you made the effort to set me up with Shawna. I like your dad and your mom and I like Billy. I'm cool with my life right now and you can stop worrying about me. I'm sorry you got left out today. I didn't think about that. You can come hang with us next time."
"Except I can't. I have to be tied to Mommy's apron, remember?"
"Yeah. That sucks."
"Yeah. It does." I agreed.
"Let's pick up the pace, slacker," he said. He took off on a brisk walk and motioned for me to follow him.
Thursday and Friday were busy with the business and we started website development. We went the budget route with designing our own through Go Daddy. Whittaker thought that was the obvious choice since it was my Daddy's invention we were promoting. It was kind of fun putting it together. My mind kept dwelling on the deposition and I wondered what the outcome was. I was hoping to hear from Adam. Finally, on Saturday morning, he called.
"Shane," he began, "this is Adam. I need to come see you. I'll be there around one. That work?"
"Sure. One, two, three, four, five, midnight, whenever. I'm always free," I joked.
Unamused, he said. "Good. See you at one."
"How did it go?" I asked.
"I'll talk with you at one. Gotta go now," he responded.
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This is the end of chapter 29. More to come. I am happy to have Paul Stevens back editing for me. I appreciate his assistance in making the story better. Hope you enjoy it. Hans.