Come Christmas Steve

Come Christmas Steve

Chapter 27

Hurry Up and Wait

It was not a pleasant night. Every twist and turn sent painful shocks to startle me awake. I was glad to see morning come. Various technicians arrived and drew blood and checked my vitals. Purple hair girl didn't come back and her replacement was much better at finding my vein. I was carted back to X-ray for another round of images. The floor doctor came by and gently examined my balls. He almost caressed them, pausing to ask if and to what degree I felt pain from it. He examined the pink urine I'd expelled into the bottle earlier that morning and was pleased that it wasn't any bloodier than it was. I was worried about how pink it was and felt some relief that he wasn't that concerned about it. He signed off for me to go home pending approval from the Urologist. He lectured me with the same instructions to take it easy that the ER doctor had given me. I skipped breakfast, still feeling a little nauseous.

Shortly after that, my parents showed up with some clean clothes including a jockstrap, which Mom insisted on buying at Walmart because that is what the doctor said I should wear. "Mom, there's no way I can wear that thing right now. I'll need it for later on when I start getting active again."

"Are you sure? The doctor said you should wear one," she replied.

"I'm sure I'd pass out if I tried to put that on right now, that's what I'm sure of," I answered. I looked at Dad for some help.

"He's right, dear. We'll save it for later," he said to rescue me. Mom shrugged and stuffed it back in the Walmart sack, looking a bit defeated. Dad helped me dress and I got in the wheelchair and off we went for home.

"Adam's been calling for you," Billy said. "He needs to talk to you right away."

I sighed and made my way to the family room couch. Mom brought me practically every pillow in the house and a blanket to throw over me. After ten minutes of adjusting, I was as comfortable as I was going to get. Reluctantly, I called my attorney, Adam, back. I supposed, I'd made the news and Adam was probably pissed that I hadn't called him and informed him what had happened.

After a very cursory hello and inquiry into my wellbeing, he launched into his fit. I apologized and explained that I wasn't really in any shape to call anyone, but I honestly realized I should have called him. I agreed to make sure my parents knew to call him in the future if anything similar happened. I gave him the same story I'd given everyone else and felt bad about lying to him when I said I didn't know who had attacked me. He questioned me in much more detail about it and pressed for more information. "I just didn't look that closely," I lied. "I was curled up on the ground with my eyes closed while he beat the shit out of me."

"When the news van showed up, he took off. They'd come to talk to me about something about a bus trip," I said.

"That's the other reason I called. Why did you not tell me about the incident on the bus trip," he asked full of annoyance.

"I don't know what that's all about. Steve and I took the bus back to school after Christmas break, but there wasn't any incident," I answered.

"Well, it's the prosecution's newest witness so I only have limited information, but it has something to do with the mother of two young boys that you sought out and befriended on the trip. It's alleged that you talked her into letting you take the boys to the bathroom at lunch and supposedly did something inappropriate with them. Supposedly, Steve acted very strange and nervous about you taking them and left the restaurant. Anyway, it isn't playing well. I'm nervous about this development. So I need all the details. I've got an investigator trying to get them to talk to us, but I need to hear your side."

"Oh my god," I groaned. "They're grasping at straws. When we stopped for lunch we ended up sitting at the same table as this mother with two boys. She wanted them to use the bathroom before getting back on the bus. They didn't want to go in the women's bathroom with their mom so I simply offered to accompany them to the boy's room. I took them both in and they took care of their business with no help from me while I stood by the sinks. I made sure they washed their hands afterwards and we went back to the table. That's it. Steve did act weird about it and didn't want any part of taking them to the restroom. He told me later about his probation and explained that's why he's so boy shy. He didn't want any possible appearance of impropriety. This is total bullshit. Honest," I said.

"Maybe you need to take a page from Steve's book. Are there any more things to come out of the woodwork with you and little boys?" Adam asked, clearly annoyed. "I'm growing more and more concerned about this case. I'm worried that you haven't been completely forthright with me. I have an obligation to provide you with the best possible defense whether you are guilty or innocent, but if you lie to me, I cannot do my job and you put yourself at risk. I'm going to ask you point blank, have you engaged in any illegal or improper behavior with young boys?"

I wanted to cry. Adam was doubting me. I wondered who else was losing faith in my innocence. Would Mom and Dad start to believe all the accusations too? Would Billy? Would Steve? I sighed. I remembered how hurt I was when Whittaker started to accuse me of being involved in the sex ring with Steve. "Adam, I swear to you that I have not been inappropriate with any young boys. I was naked in front of Daniel, the kid in Yellowstone, but that was a weird circumstance that happened just like I told you it did. I promise.

"You're positive that you've told me everything?"

"Well, there is one thing I have to say. I wasn't completely honest with you about how I got beat up. It was the Sheriff who was assigned to our protection who did it."

"What?" Adam shouted. "Dammit Shane, this is what I mean. Give me all the details. And don't leave anything out. I mean it. I have to know every detail."

After I explained in detail about the Colt situation and what the deputy Sheriff did to me and also explained why I didn't want to expose Sheriff Withers for Colt's sake, Adam just sighed with annoyance.

"All right. NO MORE fucking do-gooder shit from you! Understand?" Adam said harshly.

"Understood." I humbly mumbled.

"I mean it. If one more surprise comes out like these, I may petition the court to be replaced. Understand?"

"Understood." I agreed again.

"All right. I have to go. I'll see you in Billings tomorrow?" he verified.

"Yes sir. I'll be there. I'm not that bad that I can't travel. I wouldn't miss the chance to see Steve."

"Good, because I want to talk to both of you together. Also, I need you to bring Billy as well," Adam instructed.

"It should be fine with him. I'll let him know," I said and added, "Umm, thanks Adam and I apologize for all of this. I promise I won't withhold any information from here on out. What do you plan to do about Sheriff Withers?"

"I don't know yet. For now, nothing. We'll see," Adam said. I was relieved by that.

I let Billy know he needed to go to Billings on Tuesday. He said it was no problem but he had to be back on Wednesday in order to pick Jaime up from school like he'd agreed to do. Mom assured him that we would drive right back when we finished in Billings so it was set and I was excited. I was a little worried that I couldn't speak as freely with Steve as I'd like to with Billy there, and that Steve would be hesitant as well, but I'd take what I could get.

The rest of the day dragged on miserably. I ate little, mostly soup, as my stomach was still unsettled. Daytime TV was dreadful and when I tried to read, I just had a hard time focusing. All I could think of was seeing Steve and Adam's worries about my case. I couldn't believe the kids on the bus had come up. How? I wondered, and even more puzzling was why?

Sleeping was nearly impossible. Lying down flat hurt my ribs so much I couldn't do it. I slept, fitfully, in the overstuffed chair in the family room. I did not feel rested at all when I rose to go shower. Even that was painful and drying off was very hard. I couldn't bend over so Billy came in and took care of that task for me. It was odd to have him touch my genitals in the process. I longed for Steve to be there to care for me instead. Someday, I believed, we would be together and care for one another. Someday, no matter how long that someday took it would happen. I would wait for as long as it took, I knew.

After a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast, I loaded myself into the backseat of the crew cab with Billy's kind assistance and off we went to Billings. I could barely contain my excitement. Billy kept wondering why he had been invited.

"Do you think he knows I'm coming?" I asked.

"Of course he knows," Mom replied. "He set up the meeting."

"No. Not Adam. Steve!" I exclaimed.

"Oh," she said with a giggle. "Of course."

"I really kind of hope he doesn't know. It'll be fun to see his face when he sees me if he doesn't know I'm coming. Don't you think that would be fun?"

"Sure," Billy said.

"I hope he looks all right. It'll kill me if he isn't. I worry that he's not eating enough. You know how much he eats. I bet he'd give his left ..." I almost said nut, forgetting Mom was in the car. So I substituted ear.

"Ear for one of your home cooked meals, Mom. Remember at Christmas how much he loved your cooking? Once this mess all gets cleared up and we're back together, I'm sure we'll come home for your cooking a lot."

"I hope so too, dear," Mom said.

"I just can't wait to see him and to hold him and talk to him," I said.

"And to kiss him?" Billy teased.

"Well, yeah, duh," I answered. I could see Mom was still a little uncomfortable with that idea, but she didn't say anything and I could see she was trying to control her body language over it.

"But mostly, I just want to let him know that I'm still in his corner and that I still love him and encourage him. He gets discouraged easily. He's sort of jaded about everything because of his childhood. He thinks everyone is out to get him kind of or more like the odds are just stacked against him for some reason. I have to help him get over that. I have to help him be happy again."

"Things like that take time," Mom cautioned.

"I know. I just know that once we are together all the time and all this mess is behind him, Steve can start regaining his faith in humanity again. I know with my help ..., I should say, our help, that he can start to believe that life can be good again. He'd already started having some hope about that before his stupid father dragged him back into his child sex ring. It's just all so sad what he's had to live through. We'll help him, though. Won't we?"

"Of course, Shane. We'll be 100% supportive. Right Billy?" Mom asked.

"Sure." Billy turned the radio on. I think he was tired of me talking so much.

"I hope Adam has good news for us. I think he's on to something to try and help Steve out."

"What about Todd?" Billy asked.

"Oh, well. Todd too. Sure," I said. "Adam represents them both. Unless Todd did something more than Steve when he was in the sex ring, I think Todd will get the same as whatever Steve gets. Whittaker's mom has been helping out too, I understand. She has a lot of influence in Montana and in the Capitol."

Billy looked back at me over the seat as I continued, "I hope I can remember all I want to talk about with Steve. I made a list. I brought my letter that I wrote him. The one that Adam wouldn't let me send because he was afraid it might get censored and read and somehow get into the wrong hands. I'm excited for him to read it. I put a lot of my feelings into it and filled him in on all the stuff that's been going on with me. Part of me doesn't want to waste the time it will take for him to read it, but I really want him to, so I'm going to. You think I should let him read it, don't you?" I asked.

"I think you should," Mom agreed. "You put a lot of thought into writing it, didn't you?"

"Oh yeah, tons. I changed it over and over again to get it all just right. But I could just go over it and just talk about it with him. That might be better, but there is some personal stuff in there and Adam will be in the room. Billy, I wonder if you'll be in the room too. Do you think you will be?" I asked.

"I don't know. Maybe," Billy answered and then started singing softly along to the song on the radio.

"Yeah, maybe. I better just let him read it. That's what I'll do. I've decided." I glanced out the window and added, "It's so beautiful today. The mountains and trees and blue sky with the puffy white clouds. Steve loved it here. He loved to see the beauty of it. I can't wait until he can get out of that awful jail and come back home with us and enjoy the beautiful scenery that he loves so much. Jail is awful. It's so dingy and grey and depressing. I don't know why they make it that way. I know it's supposed to be punishment but how can anyone feel like they want to do or be better if they're stuck in a place like that all day? And the boredom. OMG, it is so boring to just sit there for hours and hours and have nothing to do. The same thing every day. It's worse than being stuck at home and I complain about that. At least, I can go running and get on the computer or read a book or practice the piano. But in jail ..."

"Shane, STOP!" Billy said. "What's with you this morning?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" I asked.

"You're running off at the mouth. Dude, chill," Billy said.

"I am?" I said a little put off. "I'm just making conversation."

"You are a little talkative, dear," Mom sided with Billy.

"Well, I'm just excited to see Steve. What's wrong with that?" I argued.

"More like a little high," Billy joked.

"High on love," I shot back.

"More like high on pain meds, I'm guessin'," Billy volleyed.

"I only took two after breakfast."

"Two?" Mom said. "You're only supposed to take one every six hours."

"But I was in pain and I had the long ride ahead of me. I didn't sleep very well. I kept waking up. My balls didn't hurt but my ribs did. Every time I twisted or moved a little bit in the chair, it was like I was getting kicked again. You know how it is when you don't sleep well and you get overly tired. I think maybe I'm just overly tired, so maybe that's why you think I'm talking too much, even though I'm really not. Are we almost there yet?"

"Holy crap," Billy said. "Please tell me we are almost there. He's gonna make me crazy."

Mom laughed. "No, we are not even close yet." Billy groaned, fished his ear buds out of his day pack and plugged himself into his smartphone. Mom politely carried on an endless conversation with me for about an hour until I was suddenly exhausted and crashed. It was as if someone had suddenly toggled me off. I suppose Mom was relieved. I didn't wake up until Billy jostled me as we were pulling into the parking lot of the Billings jail.

"Dude, wake up! Dude!" Billy said.

"Hmmm, what?" I responded. It took me a while to get full command of my senses. When I realized we had arrived I got excited and sat up too fast. "Ouch!"

"Be careful, sweetie. You forget about your ribs sometimes, don't you?" Mom observed.

"Yes. But they have a way of reminding me," I answered. We made our way carefully into the visitor processing area. We filled out the forms, showed our ID and went through the metal detector.

"Why are you walking so odd?" One of the guards asked me.

"I was a victim of an assault a couple of days ago," I answered.

"Hmm," he responded seemingly unimpressed.

"I have a bunch of cracked ribs and my balls were nearly ruptured," I clarified.

"Ewww," he responded, acting a bit more impressed. "I need you to come in here with me." He motioned towards a small room. Then he called to an associate, "Joe, strip search. Can you assist?"

"Yeah, gimme a minute," Joe answered as the first guy led me to the room.

"Strip search? Why?" I asked. I was scared by that concept.

"Precaution. Gotta make sure your story is legitimate and you're not smuggling something in." Joe came in and shut the door. "All right, lift your shirt for us," the guard instructed. Tenderly, I pulled my shirt up slowly, revealing the bandage.

"That's gotta come off," he said. He pulled the Velcro and unwrapped me. Seeing there was nothing hidden under it, he wrapped me back up. Then he said, "Shoes off." I couldn't bend over so I just pulled the heels off with my toes and pushed them free of my foot.

Joe inspected my shoes while the other guard asked me to remove my pants and underwear. I cautiously shed my pants. I'd worn sweat pants so they came off pretty easily. Then I removed my boxers revealing the jock strap I'd relented to wear to appease my mother. The guard with gloved hands carefully lifted the pouch and peered at my swollen balls. He could easily see the bruising. My welts from the night stick were also visible on my legs and back. I had to turn around and bend as much as I could so he could inspect between my crack. It was embarrassing to say the least. I was actually glad that Mom made me wear the jock so I didn't have to fully expose myself.

Wincing and grunting, I dressed slowly and signed some form. I squatted to pick up my shoes so I wouldn't have to bend over and then we all went back out.

"What was that about?" Billy whispered as I sat next to him in the waiting area.

"I guess they thought I had a weapon or something hidden up my ass because I was walking so funny," I answered.

"Weird. Did you have to get naked?"

"No, I kept my socks and jock strap on," I explained.

"Weird. Glad they didn't make me do that," he mumbled.

"I guess you weren't cute enough. They didn't want to see you naked," I quipped. He scoffed.

We fell into silence while we waited. I could tell that Mom and Billy were doing the same thing as me as we waited. We were all glancing around the room at the visitors and wondering what their story was. A woman with a small child was there. The mother and the baby were dirty, poorly dressed and the mother was aged beyond her years. My heart bled for the infant. There were several couples, who were obviously parents coming to visit a wayward son. Showing faith and support for their kid, who had probably lost his way, fallen into a bad crowd or surrendered to that cold hearted slave master known as drugs. I realized that for everyone in that cold, heartless place there was a background story. Just like Steve, they had been an innocent infant once like the one in the dirty mother's arms. A life full of cold realities had been thrust upon many of them. Others, like me, had been given all the advantage of a good home and family and much less of an excuse. I began to tear up as I realized how fortunate my life had been. I reached over and took my mother's hand. When she looked at me, I said, "Thanks." She smiled and asked, "For bringing you here?"

I nodded and said, "That too, but mostly for bringing me into the world and being such a great Mom. I'm really lucky to have you."

She squeezed my hand and her eyes watered. She smiled but couldn't speak. Soon after, Adam walked in.

"Good to see you," he said. I stood up and so did Billy. Mom started to stand but Adam waived her back down. "Please, stay seated."

I extended my hand and he shook mine and Billy's hands. "How is everything?" I asked.

"Good. Billy, I have some exceptional news for you," he said.

"Really? What is it?" Billy asked enthusiastically.

"The gun lobby has been pressuring the DA on your case and he's agreed to drop charges. Your case is off the table, no trial, no probation, no record, DONE!"

Billy leapt about four feet off the ground, thrusting his fist in the air and shouting, "YES!" When he landed, he exploded into a series of quick air-jabs and exclaimed, "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Adam laughed and mom cried. Joe, the guard, came over to warn us to keep it down.

"What about me?" I asked. "Any news on me?"

Adam fidgeted. "No deals for you. You're his only prize at this point. He needs you for the media attention. Even if he was sure he would lose your case, he's going to drag it out to keep the media machine going while he runs for Attorney General."

I deflated. I was genuinely happy for Billy, but I had a hard time showing it after Adam dashed my hopes. Billy stopped celebrating and pulled me into a careful bro hug. "Dude, it'll be all right. I'm sorry, man."

"I know. Thanks," I said. Mom cried again.

"So he doesn't think he can win against me but he still refuses to let me off? So a trial is my only hope?" I asked.

"I never said that," Adam clarified. "He is fairly confident he can win on your case. Frankly, I'm worried about it. With the additional discoveries and this Colt situation ... well, it just depends on the boys' testimonies. He's added the woman and her sons from the bus, the boys you tutored after school back in Bozeman and Colt and his father as witnesses for the prosecution. We still don't know how the testimony by the young boy from Yellowstone will play out."

"Oh, all of them are witnesses against me? That doesn't make any sense. Nothing happened with them. That won't help his case," I responded dismally.

"He has reasons for adding them. Now that Billy's case is gone, we're about to make a legal motion on your case, but if that fails, we have to be prepared to aggressively defend you. Which is why you and I need to have a very serious and very exact conversation," Adam sternly said.

"Sure," I agreed.

"I don't want any surprises in the courtroom. I need to know exactly what happened with every one of these instances," Adam declared. Mom looked petrified.

Our number was called and Billy, Adam and I headed through the steel door into a small holding area. When the first door closed and audibly locked, a second door snapped open to give us access to the inner sanctum of hell. We were escorted across the painted concrete floor, down the grey hallway, following the blue line to one of the private interrogation rooms. Because Adam was with us, we didn't have to go to the common room with the other visitors. The escort left us and we sat down. Shortly after, the door clicked open and a guard guided Steve inside. I gasped at the site.

He didn't look up until his guard unshackled him. Then he slowly lifted his gaze until our eyes met. A shiver slipped through my soul. I gave him a longing smile and the slightest of grins crossed his lips. The light was missing. Steve's eyes had always held a certain glow and occasionally a blazing fire when he was passionately defending some strongly held point of view. But now, there was not the slightest glimmer. His cheeks were narrower and he had obviously lost weight. Not that he looked starved but he was not his normal healthy self. I forced myself to keep my composure.

"You got two others in here. My paperwork says there is supposed to be one," the guard told Adam.

"I added one," Adam responded without looking at the guard. "I'll need an hour."

"My paperwork says half an hour," the guard countered.

Adam looked up, "Go fix it then. I called and made these arrangements and received confirmation back."

"Well that's not what my paperwork says, so one of these two have to go and you get half an hour," the guard stated. There was a certain air of self-appointed power in his demeanor.

Adam looked highly annoyed. "Just a minute." Adam maneuvered through his smartphone and then held the screen toward the guard. "Here's my confirmation email."

The guard took the phone, read it, and handed it back. "I don't care. I have to follow my paperwork and my paperwork says one other visitor and 1/2 hour."

"Then go get your fucking paperwork corrected. I'm the attorney for all three of these young men and I need to speak with them together. If you prevent that from happening, you will be responsible for obstructing justice and I'll make certain Chief Roberts knows about it."

The guard didn't look the least bit impressed. "Which one do you want to stay? I'll escort the other one back to the waiting area."

"Are you fucking kidding me? I really do know Chief Roberts. That was not an idle threat. If you don't make an effort to accommodate me and at least go get clarification of your damned paperwork, I'll have your fucking job!" Adam seethed.

"Fine," the guard said. He pulled the cuffs off his belt and pulled Steve's left hand back behind him and snapped it on. "Interview's over then."

"Don't you fucking dare prevent me from meeting with my client," Adam growled. "I swear you'll be patrolling the halls of the City Mall if you do."

"You have two choices, asshole" the guard growled back. "Choose which one you want to stay or the interview is over and you can reschedule it." He emphasized his seriousness by snapping a cuff on Steve's other wrist.

"All right," Adam conceded. Recognizing his lack of immediate control of the situation. I had no doubt that the guard had truly sealed his fate with his stubborn determination to ignore Adam's amending email. I doubted he'd really get fired, but certainly disciplined. I was disappointed that I'd only get 1/2 hour with Steve, but I'd have to make it count.

"Which one?" the guard insisted.

"Shane, I need you to go out. I'm sorry," Adam said.

It didn't register at first. When it did, I was speechless. "Me?" I asked, incredulous.

"Yes, I have to go over the events with Billy and Steve from when Steve went to your ranch to hide out and then traveling down to find you at the river. This is critical to define before I meet with the Feds on

Steve and Todd's cases."

"But ..." I couldn't even finish. I was stunned.

"I know. I'm sorry. It'll have to wait for the next time. I'm sorry." The guard had removed Steve's cuffs once again. Steve sat at the table across from Billy and Adam. The guard motioned for me to follow him out. My feet were like blocks of cement. I had to fully concentrate on moving them. I shuffled sadly across the small room and stopped next to Steve.

He turned and looked at me. He reached a hand out and I took it. "It's okay. Thanks for coming. It's great to see you," he meekly said.

"I'm sorry, Steve. There's so much I wanted to share with you. Are you okay?" I asked, squeezing his hand. He gave me a simple, unconvincing nod.

"Twenty minutes left," the guard grumbled, waving his damned paperwork at Adam.

"Yeah, yeah, go." Adam ordered. I let Steve's hand slip from mine and followed the guard into the hall and back along the blue line, sad and dismayed. I trudged along, fighting off a flood of tears. I wouldn't give the guard that satisfaction, though. I had been sure that since Billy's case had settled out, that I would be the one to stay. I didn't really understand why I was chosen as the one to leave.

"Fucking attorneys can be such assholes," the guard said. "Always wanting to push the rules. We have rules for a reason. This ain't no place for making exceptions."

"Shut up!" I said in anger. "Adam's not an asshole, you are. He had an email changing the plan and you refused to even try to verify it."

The guard glared at me but kept silent until we got to the double doors. He punched a code and the first door opened then shut behind me. A moment later, the woman in the bullet proof glass enclosure opened the other door into the waiting room. I shuffled over to where Mom was sitting and sat next to her. As I sat, she looked at me with questioning eyes.

"The paperwork got messed up," I explained. "The guard wouldn't let both of us stay in there. Adam argued and even showed him an email that changed the visitor plan. But he didn't care. All he cared about was his paperwork."

"That's awful. I'm so sorry, Shane. You must be terribly disappointed," Mom said.

"I'll say. I want to cry. Steve didn't look good. We didn't even get to talk at all," I whined. Mom took my hand and held it gently in her soothing manner. "I'm sure he appreciated that you came," she offered.

"Yeah. He said he was. The fire in his eyes is gone, Mom. He's given up. He's hollow inside."

"Oh, dear. We just have to keep our faith in Adam to take care of him," Mom assured.

"I know. But it's so hard to see him like that," I answered.

I propped my elbows on my knees and buried my face in my hands and let the tears flow. Mom opened her purse and then slipped a tissue on my lap. I took it and wiped my eyes. Then I buried my face again and lamented my fate. All I'd wanted to tell Steve, all the encouragement I'd planned on giving him, all the plans and dreams for us that I wanted to communicate with him had been thwarted by one insolent, stubborn ass guard, blindly following his paperwork. It was just wrong. It was just so damned unjust. I was beginning to understand Steve's jaded view of the justice system.

I was startled out of my loathsome, pity party by Billy and Adam approaching us. The time had gone quickly while I'd been wallowing in my misery. I looked up and wiped my eyes again then squeezed the runny snot from both nostrils. "How'd it go?" I asked.

"Fine," Adam replied in his matter of fact way. "I'm confident that I can get a reasonable deal for Steve and Todd. Billy's case being dismissed puts him in a position to testify in Steve's defense and that helps me tremendously. The Feds want the real criminals and Steve and Todd will testify against Steve's father, the judge, and that kid who was running the boys home as well as the other culprits in exchange for a minimal term."

"Wait. What?" I asked. "Minimal term? What does that mean?"

"I'm negotiating four years at the moment, maybe three. Four is almost certain. I'm getting no inclusion on any predator lists and I'll get the ability to control where they are placed. I'm sure I can get them in a minimum security facility where they will be safe."

"That's it? That's the best you can do? They shouldn't have to serve any time! They are victims!" I said too loudly.

Adam flinched briefly then composed himself. "I understand your feelings, Shane. You love Steve, I know. Trust me, considering the charges, this is an amazing deal. If we take this to trial, we'll lose big and I'll have no control over where they go. If they go to any hard time federal prison, they will not emerge for many years and they will be dehumanized if they manage to get out alive. No jury will be sympathetic to these boys. They will just be lumped in as part of the heinous child molesters that the others in this case are. We've surveyed a population of potential jurors and the results are overwhelmingly bad."

I fell silent. The news sunk in slowly like a stomach virus. Slowly it took over and multiplied until my stomach tied up into a knot stronger than any merchant sailor could ever tie. "Four years," I muttered.

"That's not so long," my mother spoke softly into my ear attempting to calm me.

"It's a really long time. I'll be out of college already when he gets out," I said.

"I don't want to ..." Adam began and then stopped uncharacteristically. He always spoke his mind.

"Don't want to what?" I asked.

"Nothing. It'll wait."

"No. Say it. You don't want to be a downer, but I may not be as lucky as Steve. Right? I might be the one to go to a jury trial and get the book thrown at me for something I didn't even do. I might spend half my adult life in prison, right? Justice? Justice is just bullshit. There isn't any justice. Steve was right."

"Shhh. I'm working hard to not have that happen," Adam said calmly. "Don't lose hope. It all depends on the boys' testimonies," Adam said.

"Boys?" Billy asked. "More than that kid at Yellowstone?" I guess he wasn't paying attention earlier. Adam looked at him and then at me. I shrugged indifference so Adam responded, "There are two boys at the elementary school where Shane worked while at college and two young brothers on a bus ride back from Christmas break and finally a young man named Colt who lives near your home."

Billy glared at me, mouth agape. He didn't say I told you so out loud, but he communicated it with his eyes. He also looked at me with some suspicion.

"Don't even!" I sternly said. "None of it's true. None of it. I didn't do anything with any boys. EVER!" Billy relaxed his posture and said, "You better not have."

"How could you even think it?" I asked.

"Damn, Shane, how could I ever imagine any of this shit?" he answered honestly. I saw his point. I wished desperately for some sort of infallible truth serum that I could take and all the other liars could take. We could feed it to the boys and they would say exactly what happened, which was nothing. But there was no such serum. There was only my word against the hysteria and notions of everyone who wanted a witch to burn. For the first time in all of this, I was afraid for myself. I was truly afraid. I began to tremble. I had no control over it.

Adam knelt in front of me and placed a hand on my trembling knee. "Shane, I need you to keep it together. You look guilty when you let your emotions overcome you like this. I will fight hard to keep you out of prison. The truth is on your side, so that is important. Just keep being honest with me about everything and I'll do my job. Okay?"

"Okay," I said. "I'm afraid."

"It's about time. You should be. Just don't become despondent."

"Okay. I'll be okay," I said. Suddenly all my speeches to Steve about keeping the faith and hope alive seemed so hypocritical and naive. The speech I'd rehearsed to give him that very day that I never got to deliver seemed silly to me. I scoffed at it myself before Steve had the chance to scoff. I was in no small amount of risk. It was time to get serious and take the gloves off. "Can we talk a bit before we leave?" I asked Adam.

"We need to, yes," he answered. "Let's go get something to eat. Follow me." We signed out and headed to our vehicles. Mom followed Adam to a small diner. Adam and I sat in a separate booth away from Mom and Billy so we could speak privately.

Adam drilled me on every detail of my interaction with the young boys at the school. There were two who were named as witnesses by the DA. Landon and Curtis. Landon was a cute, bubbly baseball player with dirty blond hair and an infectious smile. Curtis was a quieter boy with a shy smile. Both wanted to learn and sought out my help with their math homework in particular. I'd had some friendly conversation with them but never anything even remotely sexual. I had no idea why the DA would bring them into it.

"I have a pretty good idea," Adam explained. "He can't afford to not have this case for the media exposure. I think he's posturing for all contingencies."

"Like what?" I asked.

"I'm trying to get the case moved out of his jurisdiction. He may suspect that and be grasping at straws. Or else, he's just using them to show a pattern of behavior. He may be trying to show that you position yourself into situations where you have access to young boys. It's a pedophile's typical profile. He's going to want to paint you as that for the jury. Most pedophiles are actually related to the boys they molest. Most others are coaches, teachers, religious leaders, or other trusted mentors of some sort. Rarely, opposed to popular belief, are they complete strangers. Parents spend so much time warning their kids of stranger danger when they really should be warning them against the very people they intentionally trust their kids to. The Boy Scouts of America has actually produced some pretty good training videos for educating the scouts and their parents. The one I watched was titled, A Time to Tell. It was very well done and a strong deterrent to any would be molesters."

"So do you think that's why he's including the boys on the bus and Colt?" I asked.

"Possibly. But the boys at the school worry me more. I want you to really think about what you might have said or done with them that could be misconstrued as inappropriate or as attempted grooming of the boys."

I rehearsed once more everything I could remember. When we finished our meal, and the apple pie came, I switched places with Billy and Adam grilled him on everything he knew about the Colt situation. Finally, we all said goodbye and we headed off for home. Back to my house arrest, where I couldn't even escape for a run any longer due to my busted balls and cracked ribs.

The ride was much quieter on the way back home. I had nothing to talk about. I was forced into introspection. I thought over and over of each little detail of my interaction with the various boys who were being assembled to paint a picture of me as a child molester. I felt the fear virus multiplying and settling into the recesses of my bowels. It was settling in like a long term, unwanted house guest who drinks from the milk jug and leaves their dirty underwear on the bathroom floor.

Once home, I took more pain meds and went to my room. I lay on my bed and thought of Steve. I hadn't even asked Billy what they had talked about. I felt bad and selfish for having not done so. I softly rubbed the hand that Steve had touched and cherished that precious, fleeting mercy. At least, he knew I cared enough to come. I wondered if Billy or Adam told him about the beating I'd taken. He had to have noticed how gingerly I walked. I wondered if he'd asked about it. I wondered if he was lying on his cot and thinking of me. I wondered if he got to see Todd ever and if they strengthened each other. I honestly wished I was there with him. I wished I could be there with him, could hold him, and could share our fears together. I'd apologize for scoffing at his lack of trust in justice.

The following day, I woke up and felt the effects of overdoing it the day before. I groaned loudly as I twisted enough to get out of bed just to go pee. I went down to breakfast and picked at my oatmeal. Conversation was guarded and awkward. No one wanted to trigger another fit of tears from me. I doubted I had any more in me. I'd reached the point of accepting my fate, and Steve's fate, whatever that meant. If it ended up to be four years or forty years, I didn't care. I'd wait. I hoped Steve would do the same for me. I sat in the overstuffed chair, reading, watching Lucille Ball reruns, and dozing. At lunchtime, as we ate our grilled tuna and cheese sandwiches, Billy was jubilant about seeing Jaime. He had been asked to pick her up from school. I was jealous. He got to see the person he was in love with while I'd been unfairly prohibited from doing the same thing just the day before.

When Billy left to go get Jaime, I put my earbuds in and cranked up the music on my phone. Pool Party by the Aquabats was interrupted by a phone call. My mood immediately brightened. "Hey!" I cheerfully answered.

"What the hell, dude?" was Whittaker's reply. "I have to hear through the grapevine that you got jumped?"

"Sorry. I should have called you, I guess. It's just been a little crazy since it happened."

"So, what did happen?"

"I got jumped, like you said. It happened while I was out jogging on our property. I was on my second lap and when I came up to the stand of trees out by the canal road, this big guy jumped me and beat the shit out of me because I'm gay."

"Fucker. I'd like to get my hands on him. Do you know him?" Whittaker asked.

I paused. I remembered Whittaker making Todd cry in the hallway back at school and then snapping Arty's neck by the river. I imagined him torturing Colt's father while the big Sheriff begged for mercy.

"Nah," I said. "Just some big ass redneck." I didn't think it was a good idea to tell Whittaker.

"You going to be all right?" he asked sincerely.

"Yes. I'm fine. My balls are bruised and sore and I got some cracked ribs, but I'll recover."

"That's a relief. I can't lose you too," he said. "Be careful, all right?"

"I will. How are things with you? Been on Letterman yet?" I asked.

"No. I haven't yet. Things are still crazy busy with the election stuff. We're back in Montana, though. We're in Helena and living in a Residence Inn. I'm a little tired of living out of a suitcase."

"I bet. I'm a little tired of having no life," I responded.

"I can imagine. I've got some time, in a couple of weeks. I'm going to come visit you," Whittaker revealed.

"Oh man! That would be so great!" I exclaimed. "For sure?"

"Yeah. For sure. I can't wait to see you. I think about you and worry about you every day, dude. We went through a lot together, you know?"

"We did. Thanks for coming. It gives me something to look forward to."

"My mom is helping Adam with your case. She was instrumental in getting the gun lobby to pressure the DA to drop Billy's case. That was so bogus anyway. It wasn't that hard. A Montana jury would have slaughtered the prosecution in trial."

"That's so great. Tell her thank you for us. Billy is like a new person since he got the news. I didn't realize how much he was troubled by it. He kept it bottled up, but now I see the difference in him, I know he was pretty freaked out by it."

"Who wouldn't be?"

"Yeah. I just realized what kind of danger I'm really in. I really hadn't been taking things as seriously as I should have been. We went to visit Steve in jail yesterday and to meet with Adam. I got cheated out of spending any time with Steve, but I did at least get to see him. He looks awful. Adam is trying to get him off with just four years of prison. Four years! I couldn't believe it and Adam acted like it was a great deal.

Steve looked resigned to whatever. He had no fire in his eyes left at all. It was sad. It made me so sad to see him like that."

"I bet. It sucks that a kid can be victimized like he was and then still have to go to prison over stuff he really didn't have any real power to prevent or refuse to participate in," Whittaker said.

"Yeah. I don't know exactly what all he got involved in after he became a legal adult, but just hiding those files was criminal, as long as he knew what he was hiding, and I'm sure he did. I don't blame him, but I get that it was technically criminal."

"When it comes to child abuse, there's very little leeway given," Whittaker commented.

"Don't I know it? I'm totally innocent and yet I've realized that I'm in real danger of spending half my life in prison. I'm scared Whittaker. Really scared."

"I'm scared for you too, man. I don't want anything else bad to happen to you. I sure don't want to see you go to prison. I know you're innocent. I was there. I knew you were telling the truth about what happened in Yellowstone. If you'd really done anything bad, you wouldn't have been telling us about it. My mom's turned her attention to helping on your case now. She's loaned her investigator, who is amazing by the way, to Adam to help find out whatever he can."

"Wow! Thanks again. Your mom is awesome."

"So I'm learning. My dad is too, really. I just didn't understand how busy their lives are. I guess I was just so into feeling bad for myself that I never looked at things from their perspective. It's been so great to be working with them. I've gained new respect for who they are and the good they do. They do it without getting or even wanting the public attention for it." Then before I could start a new topic, he said, "Ahh, I gotta go. Laterz, okay?"

"Oh, okay. Laterz. Thanks for calling. Really, thanks."

"You're welcome. Glad you're okay. Take care of yourself, okay?"

"K. Bye."

I felt better. Not overly optimistic but definitely more hopeful than I'd been since meeting with Adam. I fell asleep in the overstuffed chair remembering the times I'd spent with Whittaker and recalling what a great friend he'd turned out to be.

The next two weeks dragged on with a painful lack of significant events. I dreaded waking up to another day of sore ribs, painful balls, minimal appetite, and little hope of a bright future. Billy was engaged in his online schooling and working on a neighboring farm. His general mood was greatly improved now that his legal case was closed. His mood was especially high on Wednesdays. His assignment to pick Jaime up from school on Wednesdays had become a weekly need. It was an act of service he was more than happy to perform. I imagined, from the way he acted upon returning home, that his weekly needs were getting serviced at the same time. I never asked him about it, but it was pretty obvious to me.

I skipped church because of how miserable I still felt. But my family went and reported back that the preacher's sermon about being non-judgmental, which had been inspired by me, was really powerful. I was sorry to have missed it. He didn't mention me specifically, but it was obvious, according to my family, that I was the reason he was giving the sermon. The news of my beating had only strengthened his position for preaching temperance and leaving judgment to God. He came to visit me and give me encouragement during the week after his sermon. He was a genuinely kind, caring person.

I wondered and worried what was happening with Colt. I worried what life was like for him now that his father knew he'd been contacting me. I couldn't help but believe that Sheriff Withers was making life hell on earth for him and possibly his wife also. I had to keep telling myself that it was not my problem, but that was shallow. I cared about him and I couldn't deny it. I couldn't be that selfish. I knew I could do nothing about it but worry, however. To try and intervene or to even speak to Colt would be legal suicide.

Toward the end of the two weeks, I was feeling enough better to go out to the shop and keep my dad company while he worked on his new sprayer invention. He was excited about it and wished he knew how to mass produce and market it. He'd sold a total of six units so far and everyone he'd sold one to was elated with it. I was happy to see him feeling successful at something.

At last, the day had arrived for Whittaker to visit. I was floating on a cloud. Just the break in the tedium of another uneventful day would be welcome, but to have the tedium broken by a visit from my good friend was absolutely thrilling. When he pulled up in a black BMW, I smiled. "Nice ride," I commented.

"Ahh, this old thing?" he joked. I went out to meet him and help pack his things in. I extended a handshake and he refused it.

"Nah, man. Hugs, dude. What's with the handshake bullshit?" He pulled me into a hug and I warned him about my ribs. "No worries, I'll be gentle." And he was.

He let me tote his computer bag in but nothing else, even though I could have carried more. I was doing better every day. I was still horribly sore, especially when I twisted wrong, but I was no longer a complete basket case. He was welcomed in Steele fashion once inside the house by Mom and Dad both. Then I showed him the room we would be sharing. He raised an eyebrow as he set his bag on the bed.

"One bed?"

"Yeah. We have to share, but I sleep in the chair downstairs still. Lying flat hurts my ribs. Don't go getting any ideas, my fancy ass still belongs to Steve."

"Ahh. A guy can dream, can't he?" he said snickering.

"Yeah. Dream on." I smiled back at him. We spent the rest of the day from lunch to dinner just talking and reminiscing. He brought me up on details of what he'd been doing in the Capitol and in Montana. He shared with me the details of the legislation he was helping to promote to protect children in public and privately operated care homes. I was impressed with the maturity he exhibited as he spoke about it. He was not the insecure, self-deprecating boy who I'd known a few months ago. It was an attractive change.

When it came time for dinner, he heaped the usual amount of praise on Mom for her cooking. Afterward, we sat in the family room and talked politics. I lost interest quickly and was daydreaming about the time I'd spent with Whittaker. I couldn't resist thinking about his large dick up my ass. It left me longing for intimate contact with someone. Every now and then I was drawn into the conversation and had to admit my lack of attention. At bedtime, I decided to try and share the bed. I piled pillows on my side against the wall and when I was finally positioned, I was propped up at about a 45 degree angle. After helping me get into position, Whittaker went to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"Need anything?" he asked before climbing into bed.

"Nah, I'm good." I answered. "Thanks."

Then he peeled off his boxers revealing the massive piece of man meat he'd become famous for. I'd actually forgotten just how incredibly large it was. I was surprised he was sleeping naked, but I remembered that's how he always slept. He slipped between the cold sheets and shivered.

"You're shaking the bed, dude." I joked.

"I'm sorry. It's just the sheets are freakin' cold."

"I know. Takes getting used to, doesn't it?"

"Definitely. I wish you were healthy so we could cuddle and you could warm me up," he joked back.

"In your dreams, dude. In your dreams."

With much less jocularity in his voice, he said. "Definitely."

I didn't quite know how to respond to that, so I just left it hanging. Finally, I said, "Thanks for coming."

"I'm not cumming," he said, "I'm not even boned," he joked.

"Don't make me laugh. It hurts."

"Sorry," he said.

"You know what I meant," I said back.

"Yeah. You're welcome. I wanted to come. I needed to come and see you."

"I'm glad."

"Have you thought about what you'll do if Steve gets four years?" he asked after a long period of silence.

"Wait," I answered. "It's all I can do. I'll finish school and get a good job of some sort so I can support him while he finishes school. Then, hopefully, we'll settle somewhere with a better tolerance for our lifestyle and live happily ever after. That's the best scenario. The others aren't so bright."

There was a sullen silence. For a while, I thought Whittaker had fallen asleep. Then he said, "Oh. I hope it all works out like that for you two. You both deserve to be happy."

My next awareness was waking up in serious discomfort. I'd slipped off my pillow pile and wedged myself between the pillows and the wall. Pushing myself off the wall I managed to get back up on the pile. I maneuvered around, wincing at every twist to get situated again into a comfortable position. Once I somewhat succeeded, I relaxed and listened to the steady breathing of my friend. I was drawn by my need for human contact to reach over and let my hand rest on Whittaker's smooth, firm ass. My dick twitched and my heart fluttered. I thrilled at the touch of naked boy flesh. I longed for Steve. I longed for sex.

Whittaker stirred and I quickly withdrew my hand. He rolled over and wriggled a bit before settling back into his steady breathing. Slowly, but deliberately, I reached over and found his large penis. To my pleasant surprise, it was fully erect, hot, and throbbing. Cautiously, I wrapped my hand around it. I sprang my own instantaneous erection and my ass twitched with a burning desire to be filled. Using my left hand, I freed my own erection and while holding Whittaker's dick, I stroked myself off to a quick and easily achieved orgasm.

I let out staggered, soft moans as the rush of the orgasm raced up and down my spine. A large load jettisoned from my pulsating dick. It was my first release since nurse Kyle coaxed a sample from me in the hospital, and I was immensely relieved that the orgasm wasn't painful. I kept hold of Whittaker until I'd completely refracted and started to soften. I put Little Shaney away and lifted the covers to enhance the whiff of semen emanating from my crotch. I scooped a dollop onto my fingers and sucked on them. Reluctantly, I released my hold on Whittaker's large tool and fell back into a peaceful sleep. "Four years," I thought. "I can wait four years if I have to. I can wait. I have to." I fell asleep wondering if Billy knew any girls we could line Whittaker up with. He deserved to find someone to make him happy. I wanted him to be as happy as Steve and I would eventually be.

######

I hope you have appreciated this latest chapter. There is a whirlwind of events to come in the next chapter. Hang in there to find out what they are. Hans h.schreiber@hushmail.com

Please donate to Nifty to keep the forum open and available. Donate.nifty.org

Continued thanks to my editors, Paul Stevens (Who just completed a fan fiction piece on Nifty, btw, http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/celebrity/fate-brought-billy-gilman-to-me/) and Flip McHooter. Their assistance is immeasurable.