College in the Desert

College in the Desert-Chapter XI Merry Christmas 2009 AUTHOR: Barry Mattison

WEBSITE/EMAIL: http://storiesbybm.webs.com stories@barrymattison.com

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INTRODUCTION:

This is a fictional story about how two young guys met at college, started a friendship that eventually became a long relationship, and endured all the good times and the bad times of that relationship over the coming years. The characters in "College in the Desert" are all fictional and any semblance to real persons--living or deceased--is purely coincidental.

DISCLAIMER:

This fictional story is written for the gay reader in particular and describes scenes of male nudity and sexual acts between two or more guys that some readers may find inappropriate and/or unsuitable for their reading. Please do not read any further if you find such reading offensive or if it may become property of anyone under the age of 21. This is copyrighted by Barry Mattison with permission to publish given to the Nifty Alliance Archive and is exclusively for the readers of this website. Copying, distribution or re-publication of this writing in any other web site, private or otherwise, is a violation of local, national and international copyright laws and will be pursued to the fullest extent allowable by law.

PLEASE NOTE:

I WORKED LONG AND HARD ON THIS IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS AND IN DOING SO I MAY HAVE MISSED SOME GRAMMAR ISSUES. THE STORY STILL MAY NOT MAKE IT IN IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS DAY, BUT PLEASE OVERLOOK THOSE AS A PRESENT TO ME.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY LOYAL READERS OUT THERE!

---------------------------------------------------------------------- Chapter XI-The Christmas Story ----------------------------------------------------------------------

At the end of the last chapter Doug and Justin were walking across the parking lot when a group of the football jocks started gathering around them, calling them "homo's, fags and other unmentionable names. A couple of the big jerks attempted to prove their point even further by bullying us even further...like starting to push us around...unfortunately they ended up taking the brunt of the damage with my boy Justin running interference.

In a few seconds three of the biggest guys were on their backs massaging their wounds and Juss was calmly waiting for anyone else to walk forward.

Right at that point we heard a loud yell from the direction of the student union, aimed towards the group of idiots. It was my new friend Jim, from the football team that Tim and I had had a run-in earlier in the afternoon. Turns out he was the captain of the team; he came flying out, slammed the team for picking on us, and told them if anyone of them did it again they'd be off the team.

Justin was speechless for the first time since I'd known him...and I left it that way. I wished Jim good luck on his game tonight, he invited us to a home game with a promise of good seats and took off. I picked up our stuff, grabbed Justin's hand like this was an everyday occurrence, and we headed towards the car.

"How?...Who?...When?..."

"You're stuttering Juss...problem with the language dear?"

"Never mind...someday..."

I occurred to me that I didn't ask Tim who should talk to Kenny about living with them. I called him on his cell to see if he was stopping over, what his plans were, if he wanted me to talk to him, what? As we talked Justin caught the jist of what we were talking about. Tim and I finished our conversation; bottom line was that we agreed that he and Kathy would stop over about seven thirty and we – meaning Jeff, Don, Justin and I – would all talk to him about living with Tim and Kathy on a permanent basis. I knew that it would be a touchy subject and depended on Tim and Kathy to impress on him that it would be in his best interest.

I had just finished filling Justin in on all the conversation's Tim and I had had about his problems with his marriage and all the other issues he brought up when we pulled into the garage. It was about five o'clock and dark outside already.

It felt good to be done with school until next semester. Juss only had one more day to go of school and then we were both free – except for his classes of course – and our lives could finally settle down and we could spend time together. We were both excited about the holidays coming up and looking forward to some "alone" time to get to know each other even better, maybe even take a little trip away from home for a weekend. We were looking at an nice, intimate bed and breakfast listed in the gay guide on the California coast.

As we entered the house we were surprised to see Jeff, Don and Kenny had dragged out the Christmas decorations from the attic and were trying to sort them out on the floor. The smile on Kenny's face was the biggest clue as to the amount of fun he was having thinking about Christmas.

"Hey Kenny, Tim and Kathy are coming over about seven thirty to chat with you, and all of us, about something very important. Besides that, are you having fun?"

"You bet uncle Doug. I never really got to do things like this at home because my parents wouldn't let me. I had to stay in my room all the time because I was told I was 'scum'. What does that mean uncle Doug?"

"It's just another bad word that people use when they are afraid of something or someone they don't understand. Don't worry, you're a great young man; a most handsome kid growing up in a confusing world doing the best you can."

"Thanks uncle Doug. And thanks for letting me stay here, I really love it."

I looked at Juss, Jeff and Don. My heart was breaking. I suddenly didn't know how I felt about him moving out to live with Tim and Kathy. I had a secret wish or feeling that I would always adopt a gay child that nobody wanted and give them a chance in life. I would need to work through this one, and now there were two of us to work it through with.

Meanwhile, until our guests arrived, it seemed like more fun to dig into the Christmas stuff and see what we could come up with. As we were separating ornaments from tinsel Jeff and I suddenly realized that this would be our first Christmas with our lovers instead of just us.

So we decided that we would have one big tree in the living room that we could all decorate together, plus the decorations around the interior of the house and outside. Then we would set up a tree in each end of the house. Jeff and Don could do whatever they wanted and Juss and I could do one on our end and whatever we wanted. That way we could each have our own Christmas as a couple to spend time as we wanted, and, spend time all together for Christmas dinner and share Christmas day if we wanted.

One thing we needed to do soon was to go get some trees. We decided that it would be fun to do it all together. I was still a little nervous about Kenny though, what decisions he would make and how they would affect his life.

It turned out those questions would be answered soon. As we all stood buried in lights, decorations, wreaths and wrapped head to toe in long trails of green garland the doorbell rang – Tim and Kathy. It was Kenny who volunteered to untangle himself and check the door. By now he knew that we always checked who was at the door due to the past; one of the new things we added was a fingerprint reader. Kenny, with all the authority of the owner of the house, instructed Tim to press his finger into the reader, which he did automatically anyway, and both of them entered. Tim was immediately smothered by Kenny with hugs and kisses. It was nice to see that their relationship had blossomed so well and that they were comfortable with being so open in front of everyone. He even gave Kathy a kiss and hugged her, bringing a surprised look to her face...and everyone else's.

We all exchanged hello's, hugs and kisses before settling for some hot chocolate and coffee. After a little chit-chat Tim and Kathy decided that they wanted to talk to Kenny first so Kenny took them to his room, but left the door open for some reason.

While they were talking we all continued untangling the decorations, making three piles of lights for the trees, and putting the majority of decorations into one of the piles for the downstairs living room area. We really wanted to do a bang-up job for our first Christmas together, so we also planned to grab some new lighted garland for the stairs, decorations for the doorways and all sorts of bright, Christmas things to space around the place to make it as festive as possible.

We were discussing ideas about what to place where when Tim and the others came downstairs. I quickly looked at Kenny's face to try and get an indication of how things went. He seemed to be smiling, an indication – I hoped – that the news was positive

"Uncle Doug?" Kenny asked.

"Yes?"

"Tim and Kathy have been talking to me about becoming my legal guardians, whatever that is, but it means that if it is approved with the court, I would move to their house and live with them. I sort of like the idea, and I like having a room to share with Billy since we're almost the same age. We get along pretty good, but I really like it here too and I would miss living here and miss you guys. I'm not sure what to do."

"Well Kenny, here's what I would suggest. We are not going anywhere, your brother loves you more than anything, as does Kathy, you would gain a new half-brother to play with after school, and you can come up here anytime you want as long as one of us is here. And when you turn sixteen, you can have free access to the house and pool – with some boundaries of course. So I would say why not give it a try, spend a week or so at your brothers, see how things work out. Besides, it's the holidays anyway so I expect we'll all be seeing each other much of the time...and then make your decision. What do you think of that?"

"Do I have to make up my mind right now?"

"Of course not. I don't think Tim was expecting you to make it up that fast either."

I shot a quick glance in his direction just to make sure. He quickly responded with a sideways shake of his head with a smile on his face, obviously content with the discussion we had just had.

Well...now what? I thought we should put a time limit on Kenny's though process so I took the liberty of interjecting a suggestion.

"Kenny bud, how about, if it's okay with Tim and Kathy, you get until this time tomorrow to give an answer about all of this. There are a few other things to think about. Living with us is only a short term option because Justin and I are both in school still and don't know where that will take us and Jeff and Don are also just starting out and it wouldn't be fair to them to change their future when they don't know where they are going to be going yet. It's not that we don't love you or want you to be with us, it's that both Jeff and I need to spend time with our husbands working on our relationships and we don't want to hurt you if something doesn't work out in the future. Plus you need to stay in school, make new friends, and learn more about yourself with the security and safety of family to back you up."

"You sure you guys still love me and I can still come up here if I move in with my brother?"

I walked over to him, as did Jeff, Don and Justin, and we all hugged him as tight as we could. The thought of this lost soul having been treated like trash by his own family, except Tim, beaten by bullies and psychologically scarred, possibly for life by them, plus ignored by a system that actually encouraged such things was almost too much to take for all of us. It was Don who spoke first.

"You are always part of our family and all of us will always love you, so make your decisions based on your future and what's best for you, okay?"

"Yes uncle Don," he replied through his tears. "It's just a confusing time for me right now."

"We know," said Jeff, "and we're here for you, so don't ever be afraid to talk to any of us, got it sport?"

"Got it coach," he said with a smile."

"Okay," Jeff said, "let's get back to work here. There's a bazillion lights to untangle, which I believe is Doug's fault...'what!'...and little time to do it. Tim and Kathy, will you be staying for a while?"

"Thanks but we need to get going." Looking at Doug, Tim said, "I'll talk to you first thing in the morning and see what's up."

"Okay, thanks for stopping by."

Kenny ran over to give them both a goodnight hug and kiss and they left, waving as they shut the door.

"Anybody know what time it is?" I asked.

"Eight-thirty." Jeff answered.

"Great. Anyone up for a toddy, hot chocolate, chocolate milk, ice cream, or anything else while we try to figure this mess out?"

Hands went up like a kindergarten class of anxious toddlers looking at a candy bowl. I offered to do the making if the orders would just slow down a little. I may be smart, but I didn't have a photographic memory. Of course Kenny tried to slip the toddy in there, but he settled for hot chocolate and ice cream. After everyone had settled down on the large sofa with Kenny sitting on the floor, leaning against the sofa between Juss and my legs, we told Jeff that we were thinking of going to the bed and breakfast for a get-away during semester break. We hadn't set the dates yet, but wanted to check and see if any dates interfered with their plans.

"We planned on staying here because we both have to work, unlike some people, so no problem. That's a great idea, the bed and breakfast. Any idea where you might go?"

"We're thinking on the Cali coast somewhere."

"Cool. We're jealous."

"Can I come?" asked Kenny.

"Sorry bud, not this time. This is just time for Justin and I to spend together. But I promise that we'll all go camping and do fun things like that when the weather gets warm again. How's that sound? You can bring a few friends along."

"Sounds great, if I have any friends by then."

"You will mister smart y guy." I said as I reached out and tussled his hair with my hand.

"Well," Don said, "shall we get going on these lights and decorations?"

Sounds like fun, came a slight groan from the group. Seems the toddy's, ice cream and such had bogged down the Christmas spirit a little for the evening.

"Okay, how 'bout we get stuff out of the way and go to bed then?"

That brought a much better reply as everyone bounced off the sofa with visions of snuggling dancing in their head.....??????

As we were finishing up and turning out the lights, I asked Juss what kind of classes he had tomorrow.

"They're all finals except for one teaching class at the Dojo in the early afternoon. I should be wrapped up around three o'clock. Wednesday I have a short staff meeting about whether to close the Dojo between semesters or not. I think it's around eight in the morning or so. I was hoping to have one class to have a little extra spending cash, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen."

"Regarding that, I asked Tim to look into something the other day. It appears that his superiors liked the idea and maybe Wednesday would be a good day for you to do it. I suggested that he talk to them about having the squads spend a day each going through a self defense class to brush up on their skills defending themselves against in special areas, such as how to defend themselves against a subject trying to take their weapon, etc.. Tim told me tonight that they not only liked the idea but immediately approved his request and are ready for the first class before Christmas, or whenever you are ready, but will pre-pay for ten classes at a rate to be agreed upon."

"So what do you think?"

"You never cease to amaze me. Just when the road looks like it's going to end, you come up with a new road and direction. That's one of the qualities that I love about you...your eternal optimism. Thanks for the intervention and help getting the classes. I think I can make it up to you in more ways than one, starting in a few minutes in our bedroom."

"Uncle Justin, whatever would you be talking about?" said Kenny in a rather slinky manner.

"That's for us to know and you to find out you little minx. You're not old enough yet to be involved in a relationship like ours. However, you are getting to be old enough to start asking questions about a lot of things, including sex, relationships, and intimacy with other guys. But tonight is not the time to push the subject any farther, end of subject for now please."

"Okay, but I will remind you of this sometime again soon, all right?"

"You bet. We're headed up to bed now so I can be ready for my finals tomorrow. Are you headed for bed soon bud?"

"Yeah. I guess so. I think I'll watch a movie from bed before I fall asleep."

"All right, we'll see you in the morning buddy, love you," as Justin and Kenny hugged and Justin planted a big kiss on Kenny's forehead.

Kenny dragged his feet over to me and looked down at my feet, just standing there. I had always been his rock and I sensed he needed me right now most of all. I wrapped him in a big hug and pulled his head to my chest, rubbing his upper back as I did.

"Okay kid, what's the problem?"

"Doug, I love all you guys as my uncles, and I love my brother and his wife and my half-brother...I think...but now that I've seen you and Justin together and how close you guys are, and Jeff and Don and how close they are, well, I feel...it's hard for me to explain..."

"Lonely inside, like you're not complete yet?" I interjected while still holding him close and absentmindedly fiddling with his soft hair.

"YES, that's it. Like I need someone to be with. I want someone to share things with that nobody else knows, someone to lie down with at night to keep me warm, to hug me like you are right now and tell me everything is going to be all right. How did you find someone for all those things? How and when will I find someone to sleep in my bed with their arm around me?"

"How old are you again? Thirteen going on twenty? Do you know that many gay guys never ask those questions of themselves and go on, lost, wondering what their purpose is in life. I' m very proud that you are asking about these very grownup things at your age; unfortunately...I can't answer any of those questions for you. How and when those are answered is entirely up to luck, chance, God if you want to say so, it doesn't matter what you want you want to call it, it happens when you least expect it – usually – some guy will just come into your life at the right time and place and your heart and head will make you do stupid things, maybe anything to get that guy. Only then will all of these questions that you're asking make sense. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

"I do because that's what I see happening with you and uncle Jeff make sense."

"Huh?"

"You act like a sappy nut around uncle Justin and so doesn't uncle Jeff around uncle Don, that's why. You get these real funny faces when you look at Justin, like he was the only person on the earth or sumthin'. It's real funny to watch."

"You stinker...making fun of me like that." I still had him in my arms and I started tickling him, both of us falling to the floor. He was putty in my arms, weighing only about 88 pounds wet, and in seconds he was laughing so hard, I had him pinned down and was sitting on top of him with his arms held way out beside his head, looking straight into his face.

"Now who's got the funny face you little rugrat?"

He had been laughing so hard the tears were still running down his cheeks, but he had the biggest smile on his face and I could tell there was happiness in his soul. Then his smile changed to a strange look on his face and I suddenly realized that I was reaching a line that I didn't want to cross. It was further confirmed when I felt him rub his hardon against my crotch, and and me reaction to it with a growing one of my own.

"See what you started. That's your body maturing and telling you that you are growing up and getting closer to finding someone of your own. But it can't happen between us. That's a line we can't cross. Okay with you?"

"I understand. But now I know why uncle Justin loves you."

"'cause you're so sexy."

The only way I could think of to get out of this situation was to lean down real quick, kiss him on the forehead, then tickle then crap out of him again and then stand up and head for the stairs trying to hide my hardon on the way up.

"Get to bed screwball, make sure the security system is armed and close the lights before you go. Goodnight honey...I love you."

"I will, and I love you too."

I went into the bathroom, turned on the light and closed the door to take a crap. I think partly to take the crap and partly to let me sort out some confusing thoughts running around in my head confirmed by my deflating dick. It was really bothering me that I had been turned on somehow by the situation that I had been placed in, but after thinking about it for a little bit, I realized that I was gay, and I did stop it immediately when I realized what was happening and who it was with. I felt that I had been completely honest with him and myself and was comfortable that the line hadn't been crossed and never would. In fact, I would tell Justin to keep our relationship open and honest...just not tonight. I had other things planned for tonight with him.

After washing up, brushing my teeth and tidying up the room I opened the door into the bedroom and was surprised to see that it was dark. I slowly felt my way across the room, around the bed and crawled in beside Justin. The heat emanating off his body mixed with the differing smells of coming from his skin were so intoxicating that I couldn't t resist roaming my hands and tongue all over his chest and neck, taking in the smells like pheromones attract butterflies to each other. The more I did it the hotter if got, and the hotter it got the sexier I got, and the sexier I got the more he reacted. Slowly, oh so slowly, he rotated his chest towards me, flexing as he did so, until we were face to face. Intently staring into each others eyes. That's when the conviction hit me and I knew that I couldn't go any farther without telling him what had happened.

"What's wrong babe?" Justin asked, as he stroked his fingers through my hair.

"I have something to tell you that happened this evening, a little while ago that has been bothering me. I promised you that I would always be honest with you and I always will. Please just listen to me and reserve judgment until after I finish, okay?"

"Okay..."

"As I was starting to come up to bed Kenny caught me and barraged me with a lot of questions about our relationship as well as Jeff and Don's. He was really sad about wanting the same kind of relationship himself, asking me to explain how to get a boyfriend, a relationship...a lot of pretty deep questions for a young guy. I thought I answered him with a pretty good answer and he was satisfied, but happy with all that. Then Kenny being Kenny made some wisecrack and things lightened up and I ended up tickling him after a smart-aleck joke about us being all sappy and everything. Bottom line is that I ended up, of course tickling him until he was out of breath and I was on top of him with his hands spread out. I didn't even think of anything until I realized that he had a hardon and was rubbing it against my crotch...and I started to get hard. I immediately stopped things when I realized what was happening, telling him that I couldn't let things go any farther and ruin our relationship, plus the guilt I would feel with you. I love you with all my heart Juss and will never do anything to betray your trust, but this whole thing scared me even though I had the strength to stop it. I'm so sorry Juss, but I couldn't hold that inside and pretend everything was perfect all the time. Can you forgive me?"

"I don't know right now. I have to think about all this for a while. I need to go for a walk."

There were tears in both of our eyes as I tried to hug Justin, but he pulled away from me as he got dressed and slowly walked down the stairs and out the front door. I sat on the bed and cried my heart out. I thought the world had come to an end and I had lost my one and only love. I got up and started pacing mindlessly back and forth, back and forth, not knowing how to handle this sudden backfire. Here I had thought that I was doing the right thing by telling him about what had happened, which was nothing. I had done the right thing I thought and handled it in a mature way...but now I was so confused that I couldn't even think. Was I right...wrong...should I have just let it go and said nothing and take the chance that it never came up again?

No that wasn't right, that would be dishonest, but now I was losing the best thing that had ever happened to me, ever because I did do the right thing. Oh Go...what had I done?

Jeff had heard me crying, Justin leave, and me pacing back and forth around the room. I was sitting on the edge of the bed, doubled over with a pillow held tightly against my stomach, crying when I felt him sit quietly beside me and put his arm around me.

"What's the matter bro?"

Through a veil of tears and coughing I tried to relate to him what had happened. He listened until I was totally drained of all emotion and fell against him, unable to feel any emotion, blank of all thoughts, unable to cry anymore. Jeff just held onto me and rocked me, rubbing my shoulders and neck.

"Listen babe, I know that it seems like the end of the world and that by telling Justin the truth, his unexpected reaction has swept the rug out from under your feet. I think that you did absolutely the right thing and I'm very proud of you for doing it. I would have done exactly the same thing. Justin will see through the error of making a snap decision instead of talking it out with you. I know enough to tell you that these things are part of relationship building. Don and I will have to go through them as well and you guys will have other times when you will question things about each other. The secret is to work it out between each other, do as you promised and never let the sun go down on an argument, and never give up on each other."

"Thanks bro for helping out. I wish Justin would come back so we cou...ld........."

Right in mid-sentence Justin walked quietly into the room. He and Jeff locked eyes for only a moment, nodded, then Justin slipped into Jeff's place, sitting on the edge of the bed, holding my head in his hands. Jeff quietly closed the door on his way out and the room became dark...and quiet.

I could tell he was looking down at me just by my sensing him. I reached up and felt his cheek. He had been crying as well. I lifted myself up enough to see if he would kiss me, but instead I kissed the air...all manner of things went through my mind in a flash. First and foremost was that it was over, our relationship was done and I was responsible. The next thought that came through my stupid brain was that I couldn't live without Justin, there was nothing in my life or this world worth spending another moment without him. I started to lay back down again, but Justin caught me before I could, and without a word placed his lips against mine and wouldn't let go. It was the most wonderful thing he had ever done for me and to me. I started sobbing openly, trying to speak, but nothing came out.

"I'm so sorry honey for questioning your love and your loyalty to me," he said. "I just didn't know how to react to what you told me. I felt like I was hearing the words come from an old boyfriend again, not from you. My mind placed your words in someone else's mouth and I reacted as before. I felt like I was trash, I couldn't go on anymore, couldn't live anymore. That's why I walked out so quickly. It was while I was walking around trying to figure out how to end it all that I suddenly heard someone say 'never let the sun go down on an argument', something we had promised to each other when we met and started this relationship. They had broken through my veil of self pity as if someone had stood right beside me and spoken them to me in person. It was then that I realized that there are going to be things that come up like this all through our relationship, and if I walk out the very first time something does, then we don't have the kind of relationship that will ever last...and I don't really love you enough to let you be you. When all these thoughts started to come flooding out I sat down and started crying so hard because I thought that you would never take me back, that I had ruined my chance at the only love that has ever mattered to me, so I came back hoping that you would forgive me and give me another chance."

"Please don't say another word babe. Almost every word you just said were thoughts I had as well. I thought I had lost you for the very same reasons and I was ready to end my life because I thought I couldn't live without you."

As we were mindlessly running our fingers through each others hair, we both realized that no, we hadn't just had our first fight and made it through...but yes, we had just had our first test of the meaning of love, trust and honesty, and we had what it takes to make it...at least a solid foundation to build on.

Justin only added one more thing. "I know exactly what happened with Kenny from what you said, and I'm not so sure but what the same thing wouldn't have happened to me, or Jeff, or Don. You were not responsible for for what happened, but you were responsible for correctly guiding Kenny in how to handle it between you as well as the guidance you gave him before that. And more than anything, you were so honest with me that I didn't know how to handle it. I hope you never stop having that quality about you and that I can learn to be like you and trust you to be open when I am."

"Thank you babe. I love you so much. I want you to grow old with me, sit on the back porch and rock with me and watch the sunset fall on our lives together. You s'ppose we'll ever make it that far?"

"Let's just take it a little at a time and enjoy life where it takes us. They may not have porches on the moon."

We both started laughing at Justin's attempt at a joke.

That night we made the most intimate love we had ever made in our love life thus far. "That's all I can say about that," as Forrest Gump would say.

Next morning I dropped Justin off at school and headed downtown. I had an appointment with the attorney that handled Jeff and my affairs during all the initial legal proceedings with Joe, et.al. Christmas was coming up in a couple weeks and I needed to make a few changes in some paperwork before then.

Having completed all the necessary paperwork I decided I had time to get somebody Christmas shopping done before picking up Justin from school by three o'clock. I already knew what I was getting Justin, but had no clue what to get the others, so I went to the mall and started walking around looking for ideas. Let's see, Kenny liked electronic games and things, so I went into everyone's favorite electronic store, Best Buy. From there I came out with about a thousand dollars worth of electronics, including a cellular phone. I thought it was time he had one, so I bought him one with all the best features, the iPhone, including two years of pre-paid service with all the extra stuff, roll-over minutes, etc. In addition I got a gift card in case I forgot anything...he would love a trip to the store to play around anyway. All this ought to keep Tim and Kathy happy.

Jeff would be the hardest to buy for, as usual. For Tim and Kathy, with Kenny moving in, hopefully, I bought some nice living room furniture to be delivered the day before Christmas, bunk beds for the kids with matching computer desks – and matching computers of course – and a new computer for Tim with a laptop and DSL so everyone had Internet. I figured that way we could all keep in touch by email and I knew that Kenny and Billy could use their computer cameras to talk to us whenever they wanted. That would help Kenny feel better about living apart from us.

I wanted to try and stay away from the commercialism of Christmas because none of the four of us believed in it. We did believe that Christmas was a time for the kids and for those who were less fortunate, so Jeff and I contributed other ways most holidays by getting gifts for low income families, going to children's hospitals and handing out teddy bears and things like that.

We had gotten all that money from the civil suits brought against the shooters from the original trial, plus Joe and others involved, and we had both invested it wisely, so neither of us had worried too much about financial needs. And we were both very good about not spending on unnecessary matters unless it came to security, safety, or kids. So we always lived off the interest our accounts generated and reinvested what we didn't need. Jeff and I had discussed this special Christmas and after careful consideration we were going to each give a small, startup portion of some money to Kenny to start his college fund. We would take him to the bank, our bank, and help him setup his own account that started with ten thousand from Jeff and I that he couldn't take out, only add to, and we would add to it occasionally based upon his grades and how he performed in school overall. We would also do the same, only a slightly smaller amount for Billy for his college account and Tim and Kathy could add to it whenever they had the extra money. Of course we would always stick some money in occasionally to help out.

That took care of every 'in' the family except for Jeff and Don, Don, Sr. and Steve, parents and Justin's parents, plus a few other people who we each knew before we met. I had made it possible for Justin to get some extra money by the addition of the extra classes with the police department, but that was only to let him feel like he was earning money for gifts.

What I was really planning was much bigger, BUT, I can't talk about it right now. What I can say is that I am going to give him some money from one of my accounts with the excuse that it was money that was left to me from a will that I just got, hence the visit to the attorney's office today. So to keep it honest, I was going to tell Justin I had gone to the attorney's while he was in school, but in a little white lie, I would be splitting fifty thousand dollars with him in a money market account that I had set up today. All he needed to do was go to the bank with me on the way home and sign the papers I'd already signed, then sign the papers opening a joint account in both of our names for miscellaneous spending that would feed off the interest from some other accounts that my accountant had set up and handled. I was, as was Jeff, very fastidious about watching our money, who had access to it, who handled it, where it was invested, when it was invested and pulled, etc., so we had done quite well, even in the economic downturn; and so had our accountant.

Anyway, it was time to head back to pick up Justin from school. I got back to school just as Justin was locking the door. He jumped in the car and gave me a big smacker on the lips.

"Hi honey," he said. "How was your day?"

"Boy, you're in a good mood today. What's up?"

"I don't know, just the spirit of the season, I've got you to celebrate it with, what more could a man want?"

"Some money would help."

"You're probably right, but money isn't everything and I'm happy just having you."

"Don't ever stop saying I love you because I need to hear it everyday, and so don't you. We need to make one stop before heading home. Anyplace you need to stop?"

"Well...there is, but I don't have enough cash saved yet so I'll wait until I get the check from the city for the Aikido classes. I hope that arrives before Christmas so I can buy some things for everyone, especially you. I'll feel a little bad if I can't get a little something for at least you."

"All I need from you is you...and our bed for the day. That'll be our present and it'll be the best present I've ever gotten."

"You're a sweety," Justin said as he tried to get closer to me. Unfortunately that damn hump in the middle and the bucket seats prevented intimacy in the front seat.

"Remind me that we need to go get a new car after the holidays with a one piece front seat so we can cuddle," I said. "we'll give this one to Kenny when he gets his license."

"Okay pushover uncle Doug."

"Wha....? Anyway we're here. Let's go in. I need you to sign a few things."

"Whatever you say babe." He had no idea where we here until we were inside.

"Hey, what are we doing here?"

"I just need you to sign a few papers. Trust me, okay."

"Whatever you say. I'm not big on banks because I never have any money to put in them."

"Don't worry about that right now. Just stay with me, okay?"

"Okay..."

I turned and asked the receptionist if I could speak with Mr. Roberts, the bank manager, adding that he was expecting me. A few minutes later he approached us and extended his open hand in welcome to myself and then Justin, who shook it with guarded safety.

"Let's just step over to my desk. I have everything ready to go Doug. You too Justin."

"Oh, okay. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Doug has already supplied me with all your information and identification, so what I need for you to do is just sign these two cards where the 'x' is marked, and then on this account card, do the same thing."

"No problem. I guess knowing Doug that there's no sense asking any more questions about all this."

"Ah, I see you've learned all about Mr. Doug quite well."

"Yes, I sure have. There you go."

"Thank you. Now, I won't look, but enter four numbers into this machine for your ATM card. It will ask you to do it twice so make sure you do it twice."

Justin did as he was instructed. Then Mr. Roberts swiped his card through the machine and handed it to Justin.

"You're all set. Doug will explain it all to you. Have a very Merry Christmas and Wonderful New Years, both of you, and please give my best to Jeff and Don will you?"

"Thank you Bill." I said. "Happy Holidays to you and your wife and the best to you too. I'll pass on your message to the guys."

We left the bank and hopped in the car, backed out of the parking lot and headed home. I pretended as if there was no big deal, like we'd just stopped to buy a loaf of bread, but I could tell that Justin was dying to know what the hell had just happened. What was all the mystery, the card he obviously knew was a checking account, or at least he presumed was, but he had only received the card and no checks. He was going absolutely nuts and I was having a hard time keeping a smile from showing. It was only after we got into the house that Juss couldn't stand it anymore. He suddenly tackled me from behind and quickly had me on my back with him sitting on my chest, holding my arms out beside my head, ready to torture me to death if he had to to get some answers.

"Okay Mr., what's going on?"

I couldn't hold it in any longer and started laughing now until the tears were running down my cheeks.

"I just love pulling things on you. You're such a sweetheart. Here's what we just did. Back when Jeff and I went through all that shit with Joe, the gang shooting, blah, blah...our attorney's sued in civil court a bunch of people for a lot of damages that both Jeff and I had gone through. Bottom line is that we both got a lot, a real lot, of money from the lawsuits – of course the attorney's did pretty good too, and the IRS, etc., etc., – so we socked it away into investments, Cd's, and Money Market accounts and other investments and we both live off the interest. At any rate, our investments, in spite of the downturn in the economy, have done quite well. In other words, You and I, Jeff and Don are quite well off, rich in fact. But we don't tell people about it. Instead we choose to do things anonymously for kids charities and people like Kenny and such. By the way, wait 'till you see what I got for him and Billy for Christmas."

"And...and?"

"So, we just stopped at the bank and you are now a full half owner of all that I own, with a few exception that I'll tell you about in a later surprise, plus we now have a joint checking account with a perpetual balance of twenty five thousand dollars in it that always replenished the next day after we use it. I have an account to buy things, so essentially, the account is for you to use as you choose. It's part of my Christmas present to you. No strings attached, no nothing. After last night I realized how much I really love you and you me, and that nothing will ever come between us. That means that whatever I have is yours. You have accepted me just as I am, a poor, struggling student doing the best that I can. And we've done the best that we could. Now you have to accept me as the same...a not so poor, but still the same person, struggling to get through life with the love of my life."

"But I can't take this money. I didn....."

"Shhhhhh.....you did and you will because the two of us are one now and we have shared the most intimate of things, the intimacy of our hearts and our bodies. That's what a couple do to become one. Let me up please."

He did, still in a slight shock, but slowly accepting this sudden change in his life.

Jeff, Don and Kenny came down the stairs right then. I stood up, then kneeled down on one knee.

Justin started to cry.

"Justin, I love you with all of my heart, all of my soul, all of my body, and now all of my possessions. I promise to always lift you up before others and never tear you down. I promise to tell you every chance I get to tell you how much I love you, I promise to never let the sun go down on an argument without resolving it, and to always be by your side when you need me as long as we both shall live. So I ask you in front of the people who mean the most to me in my whole life, will you marry me?"

By now he was sobbing so hard that he couldn't speak, as was my entourage, but out of his emotional spasm came a very clear voice.

"I have waited and wished for this to happen for so long that I'd given up on it ever happening to me until you came along. That's also why I was so upset last night. But to answer your question...YES!...YES! Whenever, wherever you want to. I want nothing more than to have your ring on my hand to show everyone that we belong together. Speaking of rings, let's get some tomorrow."

"Done deal. Hold out your hand love."

I placed a gold, handmade ring on his engagement finger that had diamonds circling around it with one large one on the top. I handed him the matching one which he place on my hand.

Now everyone was blubbering. The rings were absolutely beautiful and were specially designed to join with a future wedding band that would lock the two together permanently, symbols of our life and love for each other. We hugged and drew each other close together tight. I slowly reached forward and tilted my head slightly as did Justin...and we kissed as passionately and as long as we could hold our breath. I never wanted to stop, but the sounds of people clearing their throats impatiently in the background reminded me of something else to come. I ended our kiss as slowly as it had begun, looking into his beautiful brown eyes that sparkled with intensity and the hopes of our new life buried in their golden splashed highlights.

Only I knew what was coming next.

Jeff dropped to his knee in front of Don, and in almost the exact same wording, he proposed to Don. We had both done the same thing with our accounts, everything. It was so heartening to see the same love between them as between us. We knew in our heart of hearts that they too would make it to the end. It's not that life is one big fairy tale where nothing ever goes wrong, it's the foundation upon which you build your relationship that determines the outcome. If you build it based upon lies and deceit, then your relationship will certainly have conflict and strife and probably end in pain. There are no guarantees in this walk on earth; but if each of us strives to do the right thing, treat each other as we would like to be treated, and lives our lives based upon the basic of morals, then at least there is a better than even chance that a relationship will survive the disagreements and other pitfalls that come along.

Justin and I had spent a lot of time discussing why we had reacted the way we did the other night when he walked out. Past history had interfered with both of us and we needed to break a circle of mis-treatment and create our own new life apart from the past. We both had recognized this and came away not mad at each other, but stronger because of it.

So here we were now, watching Jeff and Don make that same permanent tie to each other that we had made. The only difference was the rings. Jeff liked a slightly different pattern, but the same locking concept was there for the day we would have a joint wedding in a state that allowed gay marriages. Then we all gathered around Kenny and asked him if he would "give us away" at the wedding ceremonies. He was so thrilled that we wanted him to be such a close part of our lives that he was speechless – for a change – until he finally managed to say "yes."

We had a surprise for him too. A gold necklace with a one-of-a-kind ornament, made by a very famous gay company that makes jewelry for gay couples and singles. We wanted him to always be a close part of our family and felt this would make him feel special. He was growing by leaps and bounds every day into a mature, confident young man, and we encouraged him at every chance we could.

Now that all of us were total wrecks, we decided to go to the Christmas Tree lot and get the three trees. So off we went to find trees. In about an two hours we came back with the trees that we all picked out, including one for Tim's house, which we dropped off first. Kenny tied a big red bow and tag on it with a FROM:SANTA on the tag. That our kid, at least temporarily anyway. I think he was setting things up knowing that he was planning on living there.

I decided to ask him what he had decided.

"So Kenny, have you made your decision about living at your brothers house?"

"As a matter of fact, I have. I am going to give it a try and see how it works out. Besides, living here all I ever get to do is watch you love birds smooch all the time. My chances are better at school of finding someone more mature." He giggled.

"Well you little stinker you. If I wasn't so tired I'd fix you up in a knot."

"You're getting' so old you couldn't even catch me old man."

"Just when you least expect it, BAM!, you're going to get yours. Don't forget, there are two of us now, and my other half is an Aikido Master. You better be careful what you say you little buggar."

"Oops...forgot about that. I'm sorry uncle Doug, you know I love you," as he came up and gave me a big hug, then snuck in a little tickle, forgetting I'm not ticklish, and ran off like a little Christmas mouse.

"Okay kids, do I have to spank all of you?...now settle down and let's get these trees fixed and up."

There were a few more giggles at his funny comment, but soon we all settled in and started working on the trees. First, the two trees needed to go upstairs, one in Jeff and Don's area, the other in our area. The biggest one stayed downstairs for us to decorate. Jeff and Don took their tree up and we took ours up and set it in the stand, meeting the guys at the top of the stairs to go down and decorate the main tree.

"You guys ready for all this?" Don asked.

"All what?" Justin questioned.

"The insatiable, ever-questioning Kenny, the holiday's, life with each other and the commitments we just made to each other, everything."

I was standing behind Justin with my arms wrapped around him, both of us swaying slightly to some imaginary music playing in both of our heads at the same time.

"You bet. I've never been happier in my life. There is nothing that I can think of, or want to think of, that can make me even want to take one step away from this guy for the rest of my life. And as for holiday's, I look forward to collecting memories of every one of them to be able to look back upon some day."

"I think we will be there with you looking at some of the same pictures. Kenny will probably still be running around playing with the dog or something."

Don was always good for the ice breaker. With that, down the stairs we went, ho ho ho. We started right into the tree, and with everybody's help and good cheer we got the tree decorated, the stairway decorated with garland and lit, the outside trees and landscape lighted and on timers, and finished with hot chocolate.

"It's dark now guys. Can we go outside and check out the lights?" Kenny asked.

"Sure, lead the way," Justin said.

We all went outside, Kenny first of course since the outside he had supervised as "his" installation. He made us promise to close our eyes, hold hands, and walk in a line and he would guide us to the middle of the lawn and let us know when to open our eyes. We all played along, having a pretty good idea of what they would look like. After we got all lined up we thought we were ready to open our eyes, but Kenny said, "not yet," so we waited...and waited...and waited. Finally we heard the all clear from him and we all opened our eyes. Kenny had, without our knowledge, had employed Tim's help to make two special decorations for the lawn. Right in from were two large hearts lit by bright red bulbs. One spelled out, in the small mini lights,'Jeff loves Donny', and the other said, 'Doug loves Justin.' They were attached on the bottom to a straight board mounted to Styrofoam; across the whole board, pushed into the Styrofoam, were mini blue lights that spelled out 'Kenny loves them all.'

We looked at him and the smile that reached from one ear to the other. The four of us started clapping loudly and yelling 'Kenny, Kenny, we love you.' That smile just got bigger and bigger, if that was possible. He was going to make some guy the best husband someday because he already had the heart to be able to forgive, to be instinctive and do the right thing, and the capacity to love through adversity. He was growing up right before our eyes; another experience to behold. I thought quick and asked everyone to wait for a minute while I ran inside and got my digital camera. I had been keeping a photo history of sorts of our lives together and really wanted a picture of this moment. And I got it.

As Justin and I were decorating our own tree we were trying to figure out what to get for Jeff and Don.

"Let's see...money doesn't matter, gift certs are impersonal. It's gotta be something that's personal for the both of them...something just perfect. Any ideas Justin?"

"I'm still thinking. I was thinking about a cruise or something, but like you say, money is no problem so they can schedule one whenever they want. Boy...this is a hard one."

"I got something for Donny's father, Steve, Kenny, everyone that's worked for us before, but Jeff is always hard to buy for, and now the two of them makes even harder. Well, let's get all this stuff finished and maybe go to the mall and get some ideas."

We got everything finished, up, lighted, hung and working. As we stood in the doorway, admiring our work,it occurred to me that Jeff and Don had never had any pampering service. They got up, made the bed, cleaned the room every day, except one day per week when scheduled service came in and cleaned the whole house, and were usually not up for the challenge of keeping things clean all the time.

Maid service for a period of time would be the perfect gift! And it didn't require live-in costs!

Justin got on the phone and got some estimates for time frames from different services as well as private services offered in the newspaper. The latter we did together, spreading out newspaper ads on the floor of the bedroom. It was a lot of fun as we looked together, climbing over each other, rubbing parts of our bodies together – back and forth – that one doesn't usually do when reading the adverts. We had a blast! Finally, with flagpoles at full mast we came across the perfect ad:

AVAILABLE NOW: Part to Full-time Maid service in the right home. Rates negotiable based upon length of service. I provide transportation and references. You provide required breaks, etc. based upon hours worked. Call 000-3000 or email Paul@111.com.

We decided to call this interesting advertiser. Was he writing for his wife or what? At any rate, we were intrigued. After talking with Paul we were satisfied with his peculiar part in the advert and decided to hire one service for one month start with option to extend based upon services delivered.

"Great luck and great idea," I said. ""Jeff hates cleaning and I don't think Don is into it either. I think that takes care of everybody. I might even have a few more things up my sleeve for you honey."

"Don't you think you've done enough already?"

"I could never do enough for you. I want our first Christmas to be the most memorable."

"It already has been babe."

"We'll see."

"Now that I have the means, It's going to be hard to top what you've given me this year for Christmas already, but I've got a few things in mind to pickup."

"Don't get crazy babe, we've still got our trip to have fun on right after Christmas day. I'm sure we'll find things along the trip for each other."

"True, but some things don't cost money, if you know what I mean..." Juss had a sexy – come thither look in his eyes that totally turned me on in seconds and sent a shiver down my spine.

"Uh huh...ooooooh you devil. I love the way you think."

"Let's get to bed and get some sleep...well...after a hot toddy or something."

"Let's skip the toddy and go directly to the something."

"Come here sexy..."

The next day was Christmas Eve and although we all thought things were under control, there are always a million little "I forgot to gets" that pop up at the last minute. Don and Jeff had each headed out their separate ways. Jeff had dropped Kenny off at Tim's for a while to play with Billy, Justin went out with his fresh list of items, and I headed to the grocery store to restock the pantry for Christmas dinner.

I had planned a quiet, Christmas afternoon turkey dinner with our new family and had also invited Tim and his family. It would be a time of sharing, a time of creating new memories, a time to lay the groundwork for the future of all things we would, or could, do together.

Kenny asked if he could stay over for Christmas Eve. We discussed it with Tim and Kathy first, who saw it as an opportunity for them to spend time together. After I talked to them we decided that maybe it would be better if Kenny spent the night at their home, sharing it with them and Billy as a family and starting to develop a family bond and holiday memories of their own. Tim agreed and plans were made. They would have their own Christmas together and then come up to our house late morning and have another Christmas with us. Boy, Kenny and Billy would flip out over being this lucky!

Anyway! Times passes quickly around the holidays and before you know it...Christmas Eve was upon us! Kenny insisted on staying for dinner before going to Tim's house for one reason. None of us could argue with him about him either without destroying his whole reason for living. So we invited Tim and the family for an early dinner that has become a family tradition carried on through the years. But wait a moment, the real tradition and significance of that evening was when Tim and his new family left for the evening, for Kenny and Billy had secretly arranged their own new tradition. Asking for a small table, from Kenny's backpack he produced a package of chocolate chip cookies while Billy had gone to the kitchen and came back back with a small glass of milk, both of which they placed on the table we had placed near the sofa near the tree. Each produced an envelope to add to the milk and cookies. Then turning and looking at all of us gathered together watching them they made us promise to leave everything on the table for Santa.

Shaking a stern finger at all of us they added in unison, "and we'll know if anybody but Santa has touched them too. We have a secret way of knowing so watch it!"

We all promised, knowing essentially the threat was aimed at the four of us wranglers. Both boys had smiles on their faces when they finished their instructions and looking at Tim and Kathy announced, "we're ready to go home now." The four of us were trying to laugh but instead, tears were slowly started to slide down our cheeks as we realized the enormity of what had just happened.

The boys each hugged Jeff, Donny and Justin and Billy hugged me tightly; when it came time for my hug from my almost-son Kenny, he slipped his thin arms around my trim waist, said, "you need to put some weight on uncle Doug," then pulled himself close to me, laying his head against my chest tenderly for a moment, then as I started to turn my head ti give him a kiss on the forehead, he said, "wait," and he stood on his tip toes and kissed my on my forehead.

"That's for all the times you took me into your arms and told me everything would be all right, for the times I was in tears and you cried with me, and for the times you told me that I was somebody. I love you uncle Doug."

With that he joined the rest of his family and walked out of the house saying, "we'll see you guys in the morning...love you all."

I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I couldn't respond in any way. As they turned the corner I caught Kenny's eye, he smiled and winked. That did it for me. I thought I was going to lose it and start bawling like a little kid, but instead, a big smile spread across my face that matched the one on his.

After they had left, the others walked over to me and without and questions, comments, one by one ending with Justin, they kissed me one forehead and each said "Merry Christmas, I love you."

Justin wrapped his arm around around my "too skinny waist" and we walked up the stairs together, leaving the milk, cookies, letters, and all the dinner dishes for Santa to take care of.

Justin closed the door, walked over to me and said, "Merry Christmas my little elf, I think you've changed the life of one young man, how 'bout changing mine a little more tonight."

"I think I can do that, but Kenny's a hard act to follow."

----------------------------------------------------------- Merry Christmas to everyone! The next chapter will be just as exciting and will be out next week.