"College Confusion"
It was the first week of Classes I had gone Monday-Wednesday thinking this is cool I'm sitting in a college class but by Thursday my perception of college changed and let me just say it was boring as hell , philosophy then English followed by a dose of History which I actually enjoyed , the professor was great young he seemed to be in his late twenties Professor Eben Woodson , he had brown locks and blue eyes and a short beard he looked distinguished he seem to stare at me , or maybe it was my imagination "okay guys I know I missed the first three days of class I was out sick now im better and im back and let me start off by saying we are not in high school anymore this class will consist of Research papers I will assign three this semester you will also be responsible for getting the text it should be around $75" he said , "all of this is explained on the syllabus" he handed them out , as he passed me he brushing me I didn't think much of it though. After he was finished he let us out early I walked passed "I hope you are interested in the ancient world " he said "yeah it's pretty interesting , learning about past civilizations" I said "good , I glad your interested , I'm Eben , you can call me that or professor Woodson it makes no difference " I shook his hand "im Eric Johnston " I said "nice to meet you Eric" he said "I'll see you tomorrow" he smiled I walked out the lecture room into the hall there were students looking on there programs for there next class thank god I was finished for today. I caught up to Danny who was sitting in the lounge area in our dorm building he was writing I snuck up behind him "I caught you" he jumped "dude that's not funny" I laughed then sat "what are you doing" I said "can you believe I have to write a short essay on a major event that happen in American society , it's the first week of classes for crying out loud" Danny said "sucks to be you man" I said he sat his book down "so , I was thinking how about this weekend at that Alpha Mega Kai party you make your move" he said smiling "um hell no, im not ready " I replied "you will never be ready , you have to freaken leap do something crazy , your from New York for crying out loud".
later on that evening I looked over the note Landon gave me I had to wear a navy blue Alpha blazer with a pair of beige khaki pants I got to the house the same times the other guys got there we were let into the house and told to stand in a line like we were in the army or something the brothers stood behind Adam and Landon they were looking at us , fresh meat as they called us Adam spoke "So you want to be Alpha Brothers well you , will have to prove it" Adam said the first thing you will do is get this whole house cleaned I don't want to see a speck of dirt" he said, Landon pulled him aside "Adam your not suppose to do that" he said "this is my house I'll do what I want " he said there were about thirteen brothers and sixteen of us , Adam broke us up giving every one assignments I was the only one left, the other guys got the kitchen, dining room , living room, bedrooms he stood in front of me "you will clean the bathrooms, there are three then the two bedrooms to the right on the second floor" he said smiling Landon got between us "that's not fair" he said "then you help him if you are so concerned " he tossed the bucket at me and turned away "Don't worry about him , lets get started. The bathrooms were horrible but what do you expect with a house with all guys , me and Landon cleaned up while blasting our I-pods to the full maximum volume the bathrooms were sparkling when we were finished then we did the three bedrooms they were a total pig sty but we manage to make those clean as well it was around two in the morning we went downstairs everyone was either sleeping or had finished there work and gone to their respective places Landon walked me to the door "it gets better I promise" he said "you always promise " I said then I left
Two days later (Saturday)
Danny wanted Desperately to get Adam in the sack but how could he do this , he thought , maybe I blind fold him give him a Blow job and he would fall in love but , would that really work, only on certain guys it did , in high school Danny was know to be used for certain straight boys curiosity and with his very skill full deep throating he had them coming back for more , but most of the guys had girlfriends and he only saw himself as there dirty little secret just a means to their ends , did he want to honestly be that to Adam , somewhere deep in side Danny wanted someone he could be with , talk to , kiss not just have sex but make love and he always went for the straight boy type who could never do any of those things besides have sex then say "it was just sex , that doesn't make me gay". Danny went for a walk to clear his head it was 70 degrees out side not to hot he walked through the local park on campus he then saw Adam standing there leaning on the fence looking out into the pond he walked up to him "penny for your thought" Danny said Adam looked at him "excuse me ?" he said rudely " you put on that tough exterior but I think your full of hot air dude" Danny said Adam searched Danny's eyes and saw he was calling his bluff "what do you want ,Eric's friend " he said "my name is Danny " I said I looked around , it was starting to get dark out I moved closer and put my hand in his back pocket pulling him close "I'll settle for a kiss" he said Adam didn't move he was stiff as a rock he looked around "wow, no guy ever did this before" Adam said Danny moved closer putting my lips on his he kissed him back , Adam was touching Danny's face Danny had Adam by the back of his head pushing him in "Danny never was wrong about guys and Adam wasn't an exception , he knew Adam had so much pint up frustration he needed to be release "lets go back to my room" Danny suggested "I don't know " Adam said "come on, its okay" Danny said Adam shook his head no " I cant Danny" Danny kissed him again "okay, your not ready , it's fine " Danny took Adam cell off his waist and put his number in Adams phone then handed back to him " when you are ready , or you want to talk that's my number" he said then walked away Adam scratched his head then looked around he was still alone "damn he's hot" Adam said and walked away.
Music played as I entered the house "hey Eric bro you're here " Donnie another pledge said he high fived me "dude this party is sick and the girls are even sicker" he said grabbing a blonde by her ass she smiled then took his hand they went to dance I shook my head and laughed "so are you enjoying yourself" Landon came up behind me "yeah , I'm cool " I said "great" he handed me a drink . Adam came in he looked flustered he walked up to me "I need that more then you" he said and grabbed my drink out of my hand and guzzled it down "Dude man take it easy" Landon said "I need another one " he said then walked away Landon followed him In the kitchen "hi Cute you want to dance" a girl said "um okay " I said she smiled we danced then slow music came on he got closer putting her body on mines it was weird considering I'm not attracted to women but she was hot, she had the whole girl next door look , brunette green eyes perfect white teeth and you could tell she wasn't snobbish but a good person "I'm Lindsey" she said " Eric " I said "nice to meet you so , your digging that Landon guy aren't you" she said "what?" I said "I see the way you look at him , you like him " she said "I stopped dancing "its okay I wont tell anyone , Landon is hot ,you would have to be blind to not see that , you should go for it" she said "no I rather not , I think I should be going" I said "no you cant leave" said , Landon came back out the kitchen "yeah I think I should" I said I let go of her and went for the door Landon came up to me "I know you aren't leaving the party didn't even start" he said "yeah I'm not in the mood to party, tonight" I said "if you don't feel goo you can hang out in my room until you are ready" he said "I should go" I said "come on stop being all polite and crap come with me " he said I followed Lindsey had a grin on her face she waved I shook my head .
So this is my room" Landon said "its great" I said I looked around there was two beds one empty I guess it belonged to a senior last year but it looked like a room out of P.B.teens I looked at his CD collection "you still have Cd's , you haven't converted to using I tunes yet" I said "yeah but sometimes I just like to pop a cd in the player and just lay around and think" he said this was the perfect time to put my plans in motion , I moved close to him "so that girl , you two are dating " I said "no it's kind of just casual nothing serious " he said "why so many questions about me " he said "I like you " I replied "I like you too Eric" he said I just went for it and kissed him his lips were so soft I slid my tongue in his mouth and I felt his tongue on mine he then pulled back he looked mortified "Eric im not gay" he said he looked away not making eye contact he continued "I thought I was your friend" he said, those words felt like daggers in my heart "you were planning this weren't you , why did you have to kiss me , I don't know what to think, I cant think, im confused" he said "Landon look at me " I said he couldn't "im sorry okay, please look at me " I said he looked at me " I never meant to make you hurt like this , make you confused about who you are , I'll back off" I said he had tears in his eyes , "why did you do that , why did you have to kiss me and mess everything up " he said I felt like dirt he had his whole life and by me kissing him I changed his world put doubt in his head "my father would love this , his son was kissed by a guy not just any guy a black guy " he said "wow!" I said " I didn't mean it like that , but my dad hates queers " he said "im gonna go, I really am sorry" I said . I left out the room walked down the hall down the open staircase that led to the front door Lindsey rushed to me "Are you okay" she saw the tears in my eyes "Eric im sorry" she said "don't worry about it " I said and I left out the fraternity house. When I went down the stairs on the stoop Adam spoke "Eric wait" he said I turned he was sitting on the bench outside the house he looked drunk "What? You want me to withdraw from being a brother" I said "no, look I know I was a bastard to you and Im sorry for that , I guess I couldn't deal with being gay" he laughed I was startled by his confession he continued " I saw that kiss" he said "what?" I answered " I saw you two go upstairs I followed I saw that kiss" he said he walked towards me then sat down on the steps I sat down next to him "what should I do Adam?, Landon cant even stand the sight of me " I said "I don't know , but I saw the way you two kissed he didn't stop it which means he wanted it " Adam said I had not thought about that . But it was true when we kissed he kissed me back he didn't pull away at first but his reaction to it , said it all I crossed a boundary I shouldn't have and because of some stupid game with Danny I hurt him and made him question his self as a human being "I guess we will never know " I said as I stood up Adam stood up as well "lets keep what you know about me a secret will you" Adam said "sure thing" I said I walked home
When I got to my dorm room Danny was on his computer "dude so how did it go" Danny said "it was a disaster , I hurt Landon , by kissing him" I said "details" Danny said " I kissed him and he said he wasn't gay and that he thought I was his friend " I said "man im sorry" "you should be you dragged me into your stupid plan and I hurt him" I said "I said I was sorry" he replied "sorry isn't going to make up for what happened , I don't belong here , and I am stupid to think that I could ever be with someone like Landon " I said "what are you talking about , your hott you can get any guy you want " "apparently not " I said "the truth of the matter is im black and he's white , I'm a guy and he likes girls " I screamed at Danny "that black and white stuff doesn't matter any more" Danny said "it doesn't matter to you because your white , you don't know what its like for me , to be followed in stores or have people stare at you when you are in a different neighborhood , I'm not by any means trying to complain but the only way you know your white is if your in a room full of minorities , I'm reminded everyday of who I am" I said I laid down on my bed Danny got up and laid down next to me we both stared at the ceiling then he turned facing me "I didn't know you felt like that , your right I don't know what its like to be black and I'm sorry for what you go through because of stupid people but I know what its like to be different for people to hate you for no reason , no one never suspected I was gay but I came out in high school anyway and I was bullied and even beat, just because of who I am" he had tears in his eyes I wrapped my arm around him and we laid there "I'm sorry for yelling and I'm sorry for what you went through" I said "I guess whether we are white, black Spanish, Asian, straight , gay pain is universal" he said "I guess so" I agreed and kissed him on his forehead "I think you're my best friend" Danny said "yeah I think you're my Best friend too considering im your only friend" I said "hey !" we laughed.