Colin's Story

This is a story of a college boy's coming to terms with his strong attraction to men.

Colin's Story

This is a fictional story, based a lot on my life, with a lot more what I wished I had done. I didn't plan or plot any part of it before I wrote it. What you read is just what popped into my mind as I was writing. It's been good therapy for me. Not the way to write a "real' novel, I know, but I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it.

Comments are welcome: s4d@hotmail.com

• ST

Prologue

I am Colin Ethan Thompson. I have, I think, a rather unique story. It starts with my relationship with my college roommate, Aaron. I just love him to pieces. But this is just the beginning of my story.

When I graduated from high school, I had this feeling it was some kind of grand finish. I was so sure I knew what life was all about. I really did know that "commencement" means beginning, and not end. I also knew that I would be going to college in the fall. But I was not going to spoil my summer by thinking of that on graduation day!

My parents were never wealthy, but well enough off that we had a few luxuries. I was spoiled enough that I never wanted for a car, even though I never owned my own. I could drive my parents' car any time, anywhere. They trusted me beyond what they should have probably, but I was a "good kid", not prone to getting in trouble, so they were comfortable that I could and would handle myself okay. And I did, for the most part.

Growing up in Southern California, I was blessed with what the world considered a great family. It was all I knew, so how was I to really judge? Mom and Dad took us to church every week, but not much was mentioned about religion at home. We did not bless the food, and I was not really taught to pray regularly.

My dad and brother and I went fishing almost every Saturday morning, as soon as it was warm enough, in my dad's little 16' runabout. Fishing in the ocean is not boring like it can be in lakes or streams. There is always something biting on your line. Most of it was not worth keeping, but it was fun to see what was on the other end of the line. Most days I would get a little sea sick, and end up laying on my back on the bow of the boat, staring dreamily up into the sky. The sickness soon abated and then it was a little bit of heaven until it was time to go back into the bay. I usually was dark brown by the end of summer.

In the afternoons, after the fishing was done, we always went water skiing in the bay, until we were almost drowned. My big bro, Bobby, was 3 1/2 years older, and for some reason, he idolized me. I never knew why, and really, I actually never knew back then, since I took it for granted. This is something I learned later on. What I knew was that I idolized him. He was my best friend. He dragged me along with him everywhere he went from about 4th grade on and since I was always exposed to an older group of his friends, kids my own age seemed pretty immature to me. And from the time I was in 7th grade, I dated mostly older girls, many of whom were set up for me by Bobby, very often a younger sister of the girl he was dating.

By the time I graduated high school, Bobby was away at university. So he was far across the country as I started my years at a closer college. I was lost without Bobby. He was my social life. Oh, don't get me wrong, I dated every weekend of my life from 7th grade on, but when he left, it left a huge hole in my life.

After a leisurely summer after graduation, a part time job, lots of beach bumming with Bobby, who was home for the summer, I was off UCSB. I am such a woos when it comes to new things! I am one of those "lazy jocks" who can play anything, but does not excel at anything. I was never compelled to work hard, and so the rigor of a sports team was not my bag. But I was nicely built, just because I had good genes I guess. 6'- 1", 165 lbs. [186 cm, 75 kg, for you metric fiends] I was also blessed with some pretty outstanding looks. Both my parents were very good looking. And I could see in the mirror, so I was well aware why some girls didn't mind "giving me my way". I was the definitive "Mr. Nice Guy", always the gentleman, opening doors, never allowing "Dutch treat". I always drove and I always paid. They appreciated it, I guess. They were not stingy with their favors!

Chapter 1

I drove myself to UCSB. Santa Barbara was just far enough away from home (2 hours) that I had to stay in a dorm at school. I would have preferred to stay off campus, but it was too expensive at UCSB. Santa Barbara is a serious tourist town, and the university a serious party school. My folks knew this, but as I said, they trusted me.

When I got to my dorm room, I was disappointed to find out that I had no roommate. The guy who was supposed to be there had a last minute change, and couldn't come. Too bad! I was really hoping to have someone to share with a bit, since I was missing Bobby so dearly already. Just as I was ruminating on this...

SLAM!

The door opened with a loud crash, I almost peed my pants, as this outlandish-looking geek comes busting in, arms overloaded with stuff.. He must have been 6'-4" at least, and skinny as a rail.

"Sorry dude! I din't know there was ought `ere. Is this C-105?"

"Yeah. You need some help?" I said as I recovered and reached to grab some of his stuff.

"Thanks! Well, I guess we're room mytes, myte!"

"You from Australia?"

"Dude! You have wounded me deep! Hell no, Wellington, New Zealand!"

"New Zealand? Isn't that part of Australia?" His look was absolutely withering. "Hmm. Guess not! I was told that no one else would be in this room-"

"Sorry, dude. I was just lucky to get in here. I wasn't supposed to, but they said there was a last minute cancellation, so - is it a problem?" He looked a little worried.

"Oh! Uhh - Hell no guy! I was just so surprised because not more than an hour ago they told me I was alone in here. No! God no! I was actually dreading being alone. I have never liked "solitude" that much. Oh! But, well, - uh - You are not huge into partying are you -- at least not in the room?"

"Dude! I like ta party as well as the next guy I s'pose, but I won't be botherin' ya in ere. Course you wouldn't mind if I brought a chickee here occasionally would you?" He put down his box. "I'm Aaron, by the way" he said while extending his hand.

"Hi, I'm Colin. Naw! I probably might want to do that myself. We'll have to work out a system so we don't walk in on each other, huh?." I shook his hand. It was a good firm grip. That's good! I hate wimpy handshakes!

"Huh? Oh, I suppose. An' if I come in some night with a chickee, then you will pretend you are asleep, yes?"

O god, I could see this was going to be an interesting year! I couldn't see how this geek would be able to lure a dog in here, let alone a girl! But he seemed friendly enough and confident, yet not too overbearing.

We made friends quickly. He was 20 already, and I was 18. I was wrong about his possibilities with the chicks. He was friggin' surrounded by them. Go figure. I think it was his accent that they liked! I had seen him plenty of times in his skivvies, and even a few times in the altogether, and he was not any Mr. Studly in that department. He was pretty strong though, with wiry arms and legs. He once picked me up and threw me on to my bed just for kicks, like I was a stick. I put that down in my mental notebook.

He was 20, and was very popular with the girls, but he had a very innocent way about him -- or at least seemed to. His mom called him once a week. This I thought was kinda strange, but kinda nice at the same time. I never talked to mine unless I needed money. But then I was only a coupla hours from home, not 6000 miles away.

I was very lonely for Bobby at first. Funny thing is, Aaron quickly became a substitute for my brother. He was almost as old as Bobby, and listen to this: He was always fixing me up. Heh! That was okay with me. I loved the girls, but - well, I was still very shy in the absence of my big bro.

Chapter 2

"Hey, Colin." He said, one night, while we were both studying. We had been rooming for about six weeks, and so we were getting to be pretty familiar.

"Yeah?"

"Dude, I wanna ask you somethin'. Don' laugh at me, k?"

"K, Aaron, what?"

"Dude, have you ever - uh - been - er - with a girl?"

"You mean have I ever had sex?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, - YEAH, lots!"

"Oh."

"Why?"

"Just wondered"

(OMIGOD!)

"Why, haven't you?" I think I said it a little too incredulously. He must have turned scarlet, then purple!

Looking at the floor, he replied, "No dude! I guess I've sorta lived a sheltered life."

GAWD, but he looked nervous, uncomfortable, and chagrinned all at the same time. There may have been a tear in his eye. And I was appalled! It just blew me away, because he had such an easy way with girls. Well, they were all over me, too, but I hardly ever said a word. I guess girls like the shy type.

Okay, now the Mr. Nice Guy in me came out. "Hey, guy, There has to be a first time for everything!" That's all there was to that. My girl magnet was a virgin. Well, so? That didn't change anything. He was still providing me with plenty of what I (thought) I needed.

Things over the next few weeks really went great between us. Neither of us wanted to pledge a frat. Well, to tell the truth, I was thinking of it, but only to get chicks. Now Aaron was helping me out in that department. Funny how things work out. He was fast becoming my best friend. We both were pretty much focused on our studies. He did not have that many other guy friends either. We were friendly enough with the guys in our dorm, but we really only became close with each other.

Chapter 3

One night I was out with this particularly hot babe he set me up with a couple weeks earlier. I had already gone down with her the first date. I was hoping to make this a repeat engagement. I had convinced myself this was going to happen. You know how, when sometimes you have to pee so bad when you hold it for a long time, and then as you enter the bathroom you just start to relax your self a little and you can feel it start to flow even before you unzip? And when you get into the bathroom, all the urinals and toilets are occupied, and you have to squeeze it off? It's damn painful!!

Well this is how I was feeling about having sex this night. It was time. I was ready. I was soooo horny! Then she told me: She had to get in early tonight, because she had to be up the next morning early for some reason. Man, I was hurting here! I was sure my balls were glowing bright blue! It would have felt better for her to punch me in the stomach. Actually, that's almost what it felt like, except worse.

So I hurried home to "relieve my pain". Since it was early on a weekend night, I knew that I would have the room to myself. I rushed in, ripped my outer clothes off and started to get out Mr. Happy when I heard a movement on the bed behind me. "What's up dude?" SHIT!!! I was so ready to explode!

We always talked about our day a bit, so he expected something. "Why are we home so early?"

"I could ask you the same thing," I said a little too quickly and a little too curtly.

"Yeah you could, but then it was me that asked first, wasn't it?" he smiled.

"It's just that," I was still feeling a bit of the alcohol from the last hour, and I could see in his eyes he was a little in the same condition. I blurted out way too strongly "O God, I don't know if you're ready for this!"

Again, quietly, he said, "What's up dude?" This time he looked a little worried.

"I -- uh -- well you know -- Shit!" I just could not say it right. "Okay," I said, as my cheeks were burning, "You know that we both have heard each other `doin' it' in the dark?" Where was I going with this? I didn't even know. We had surely never talked about it.

He got the meaning of it though, and then he started to turn red. He did not comment back though, but just looked at me as if there must be more and he turned even redder.

"Aaron, I just got hung out to dry by my date. I was hoping to come back here and have some serious sex with my best friend!"

"Dude!" he shot back, "Shut up!" He looked incredulous! "You mean-?" He left the question hanging.

"OH! - OMIGOD! No, Aaron! NO!! I didn't mean you! I meant - I mean - you ARE my best friend, but-" I was digging myself deeper. "Sigh! It's an expression we use here to mean having sex with -- ourselves!"

If it were even possible, I think he was even a brighter shade of red. "Oh, you mean jerking off." This time it was not a question. And then he showed me an embarrassed smile.

"Yeah."

Why was that so hard?

Now he was losing his color, as he asked, "Well, now that we have brought it out in the open, go for it!"

"Okay, I have to explain something here. I can quietly get off in the shower or toilet as well as any guy, but I found out years ago, through a LOT of experience and experimentation, that if I lay down, relaxed except for my arm, hand and legs, it is much more intense. And also if I don't have to suppress the noise, and I can breath and moan -- even yell -- as loud as I want, it is so much more intense, it is unbelievable. (By the way, dude, this works for peeing too. If you let it go too long, and you have the privacy, let it go with a loud moan or yell! It feels great!) I guess I was just disappointed dude -- well actually distraught -- that you were here, and I could not relieve my - self - as I wanted to. Damn, I am so horny!"

Then he said something that really shocked me. "So why don't you go ahead? I'm intrigued."

I didn't know what to say. I don't know what embarrassed me more, the fact that I told him all that, the fact that he wanted to watch or at least listen to me, the fact that I was actually considering it, or the fact that it -- well, it really turned me on. And I did not know -- could not tell him -- how I felt!

"Dude?"

"Shit, Aaron, I have never "performed" for anyone! Not a girl, and CERTAINLY not a GUY!"

"So?"

"Whaddaya mean, so?"

"Okay, I'm gonna repeat something you said to me a coupla months ago: there's a first time for everything!"

"This is insane, Aaron! But I am so horny, I -"

"Do you want me to turn the other way?" Then almost looking hurt, he said, "I'll get out if you want."

God, this guy was like my brother to me. And yet I had never even done this with my brother. And why not? He was my idol, that's why! You don't jack off in front of your idol! But again, this wasn't Bobby, either. Aaron slipped into his shoes, and started to put his shirt on, as if to leave. "No, Aaron, Dammit! I can wait. I'll just do it in the shower. It'll be okay."

"Are you sure, dude? Listen -"

"Yeah, I'm sure"

"Okay, it's just -" He started to turn red again.

"What? What is it Aaron?" I was afraid, by this point, he was going to make some ominous admission to me.

"Nothin'. I was just kinda curious."

"Oh god, Aaron, I don't want to -- I'm just not into that kinda thing."

"Yeah, well I'm not either -" he said, defensively, "or I wasn't -- or - g'night myte." He said, kind of flustered. And with that he quickly turned off the light.

I don't know if he realized I wasn't even undressed yet. I slipped off my clothes and let them stay on the floor, and climbed into bed. I abandoned the idea of a shower. I had to wonder if he was as self-conscious that night as I was, "doin' it", now that we both knew we both knew. I wonder if it was just my imagination that he wasn't trying quite as hard to do it quietly.

Chapter 4

After that incident, we pretty much didn't speak of it. It was embarrassing, at least to me. I felt that it was an attack on my masculinity. I really loved girls and how they made me feel. I loved the attention they gave me. Actually I craved it. For some reason, after that night, I was more sensitive about the way girls even looked at me. It seemed like I was always catching them staring at me. That made me feel pretty good. What made me uncomfortable was that it also seemed to me that a lot of guys were staring at me. I knew I was good looking, but - well, it was quite new to me. I guess I was just oblivious to it before.

Things got down to a regular grind again pretty quickly, actually. Aaron still was the girl magnet, and he still fixed me up. And he was also still a virgin. If anything, my new realization that I was being watched by so many made me even more self conscious and shyer with people I did not know.

But it was okay, really. I still dated regularly, was getting good grades, and was enjoying school for the most part. I think the thing that made me the happiest was my surrogate brother, Aaron. He was becoming everything to me. After studying, we talked long hours into the night very often, discussing school, dating techniques, etc. We both were careful not to bring up the subject of masturbation again, but we were somehow comfortable in doing it, even at the same time, in the dark, often immediately after we talked. We just never talked about it.

Chapter 5

One morning, I woke up about 5 minutes before my alarm. The light was pouring into the room from our window, so it was easy to see that Aaron was still sleeping. I had some early morning wood going on and got up to go pee. I stopped in front of our door, which had a mirror on it, and checked myself out. My woody was starting to fall, and was sticking out at a 90-degree angle and making pretty good tent in my skivvies. I looked over at Aaron, and he was intently staring at me -- at it.

"Dude! What are you doing?"

He turned a deep scarlet as he stammered, "I ... uh - I was - er -AHEM! Hee hee! You looked so cute standing there admiring yourself! I couldn't help but notice." There was a slight smile I could see through his redness. Was he actually laughing at me?

Now it was my turn to be embarrassed. Then I got defensive. "You were staring at me, dude! You were looking me up and down. You know you were! You were looking at my -"

"Colin, I - You are so perfectly built! You don't work out. You don't do sports. And yet your proportions are so perfect. You are not ripped with muscles or anything, but your trim, but well filled out body - I am so damned skinny, and it doesn't seem to matter how much I eat, I look so geeky. How do you do it?"

Of course now I was embarrassed. And all of a sudden it hit me just how much I really loved this boy. I wondered if this was how open guys were in New Zealand. I never thought I could love another guy as much as I did my big brother, but if it was possible, I think Aaron was equal in my eyes. I softened immediately and said, "Aaron, (sigh) I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but I believe it is just in my genes. You're right. I don't work for it. I can't take any credit for it. I am always blown away how you can talk so easily to girls, and how they seem to be drawn to you. Dude, I want to tell you something I just now realized." I stopped talking.

He waited for me to resume, but when I did not, he said, "What is it, Colin?"

"Dude, I have told you a lot about my brother. I almost idolize him. I think the world of him, and more. I just had this almost overwhelming feeling -- the same feeling I have for him, I think, for you. Am I weird? I am really putting it out here, how--how do you feel about that? How do you ... (sigh) ... how do you feel toward me?"

"Colin, this is kinda hard to talk about, but - I have actually been thinking a lot about this very thing over the last few weeks, especially after that night we ... er ... you know ... the jerk-off conversation?"

"Yeah? Go on."

"Well, I never had a brother. I never had anyone to share such close things with, and..."

"Dude, you have to know, I never talked about these things with my brother..."

"But at least you had some frame of reference. The feelings I was having for you? I was beginning to crack up. I was wondering, was I gay, or what was going on? Just now, as you were telling me about your brother, I guess I realized that I love you -- as a brother. Damn, that's a relief!"

"Aaron, I want to ask you one thing more."

"Go ahead. We may as well clear the air as much as we can. I have never told another dude that I loved him, so we better talk this out."

"Aaron, when you were looking at me just now ... er ... did it excite you, I mean ... uh ... sexually -- at all?"

"Wow, that's heavy dude. I am pretty mixed up right now, so let me think about it."

"That's okay. You don't have to answer me right now."

"But I want to. This is embarrassing to me -- and obviously to you. But, okay, I think it DID excite me a bit. I was, sort of, fantasizing it was me standing there. I want what you have. I don't know how to explain it. I feel almost like I want to be "part" of you, or something. I'm uncomfortable, but I am kinda glad you "caught me" and you were bold enough to ask me about it."

I let a long heavy breath go, and then I replied, "I don't know if I can even explain how I feel about you. As I said, I always looked up to and admired my brother. I never told him what you just told me. I was always a little aroused by him, but it was not something I could talk about. I was so young, I'm not even sure I knew that's what it was, until just now. I get the same feeling about you. Try as I might, when you undress for bed or your shower, I don't purposely peek at you -- unless of course I do. But your body is very ... appealing to me. I like your tall, very erect posture. I like to see your ribs. I like it when you bend over and I can see your spine. Damn, dude, I even think you have a cute, bony butt! Heh! Now I am wondering if I am somewhat gay!"

"Do you ever think it would be interesting to ... er ... experiment a bit, Colin?"

"I ... er ... I don't know if I'm quite ready for that. Let's talk about it some more. A LOT more. And we'll see."

I know a few of my friends in grade school did that, but I was too scared.

"K"

As I hopped into the shower, I was wondering if the look on his face was disappointment. And I was wondering, if it was, was he as disappointed as I was!

Chapter 6

Then one night I came back from the library and seeing the room empty, decided to have one of those lively wanks I had explained to Aaron. I was almost ready to blow, glistening with pre-cum, when he came bursting in the door and flipped on the light.

"DU--UDE!" I said, both embarrassed and angry. We always knocked first. He looked so surprised. When he realized what was going on, he just stared at my quickly softening woody, then clumsily fumbled with the light switch and flipped it off. I was able to notice that he was pretty drunk. He stumbled over to my bed, somehow, without falling on me, he leaned over my groin and breathed deep.

"Omigod, that smells great! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA--"

I scowled. "You're drunk!" My wood was fast disappearing.

"I'm not JUST drunk, dude, I'm thoroughly pissed!" With that, he fell right on top of me, and grabbed and hugged me. "Tonight I lost my cherry! Dude! I am a virgin no longer!"

I lightened up a little. "Well, get off me! And I guess you can tell me about it." I REALLY wanted him to get off me. I was actually starting to get hard again.

"Dude, it was as good as you were telling me! Almost as good as..."

"Almost as good as what?"

"What you were telling me about."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"You know, about jackin' off and' makin' as much noise as ya can?"

"Omigod, Dude. You're drunk! It's never as good when you're drunk!"

I thought this kind of sobered him a bit. "Really?" Well, he was still slurring a bit.

"Dude, drinking dulls your senses. You can feel so much more when you're sober."

"I know. But if I were sober, it would not have happened. HEE HEE HEE HEE!"

"Okay, Aaron. Go to bed now, k?"

"K." And with that he flopped over on my bed and was out.

Strangely aroused, I finished up my wank with as much elan as I had started with. Just as I was finishing, I think louder than ever before, Aaron's arm came across my chest. I looked over straight into his eyes, and I think he murmured something like, "wow!", then was out again. I cleaned myself up as best I could and tried to sleep. But I could not sleep with his arm around me, so I slipped out from under it, and went over to his bed and slept soundly.

Chapter 7

The next morning, Aaron woke up first. I thought I was dreaming, "Dude" I heard in my dream. "DUDE!"

"Okay, I'm awake."

"Hey, dude, how come you're in my bed - and I'm in yours?"

He didn't remember! "You were pretty drunk last night. What do you remember?"

"Nothin"! What happened? Why am I in your bed?"

"You were pretty drunk."

"Sorry. I was totally pissed! You know what I did last night?"

"Yeah. Do you?"

"I lost my cherry! OW! My head hurts!"

Well he remembered that much. "How was it?"

He started to giggle a bit. "To tell you the truth, I don't remember that much about it -- only that it happened."

"Well, as I once told you, there's a first time for everything."

I had slept very well the night before, but now I was haunted all day. I kept thinking about how good it felt to have him lying so close to me with his arm around my chest. I wondered why I could not go to sleep that way. I wondered why - why I could not stop thinking about it. I wondered - I wondered -

Chapter 8

That night, Aaron told me he had a date on Friday night with the same girl he had bonked the night before. Then he said something which scared me. "Only this time I am going to be sober, like you were telling me last night!"

"You remember that?!!" I said a little too strongly.

"Hey, I did, didn't I. It just popped into my head." I wondered how much more would pop into his head. Well, we didn't really do anything. And he certainly could not tell how I was feeling. Could he?

The next evening, we were talking before we went to bed. "Dude, thanks for being so nice to me last night, when I was so thoroughly pissed -- drunk."

"No big deal."

"Yes it was a big deal. And, heh, I remember the rest now." Oh shit! "You were so hot!" I could feel my cheeks heat up. "I've done that a few times since you told me about it, but ... it was never like that!"

I replied, "It was never like that for me either, Aaron -- before." I couldn't quite believe what I just said. He just walked over to me, pulled me up, and wrapped his arms around me. He pulled me up very close, looked deep into my eyes.

"G'night." He said, and after a very long embrace he let me go and went to bed. As I was dropping off to sleep, I heard him say, "I love you."

"Love you too."

I think I dreamed all night long. I kept having the same recurring dream. My parents were trying to adopt a little boy. They went to pick him up and found he was a twin. They did not want to separate twins and asked if they could have both. They were told no. That the other twin was promised to someone else. My parents said, "then give this one to the other couple". No, the other couple only wanted the one. I felt it as if I was my dad. It was so frustrating. Then it would repeat itself. I know it happened at least three times. It was so lifelike. I also remember clips of Aaron in other dreams, looking so good with his narrow frame, his smooth body, and his cute, geeky smile.

I'll never understand dreams.

Chapter 9

Aaron had gone home during Christmas break, coming back with stories of the hot, muggy New Zealand summer. It was cold and ugly in Los Angeles. But for spring break, he could not afford to go home, so naturally, he came home with me. Bobby came home too. We had an absolutely glorious time. Bobby and I had always shared a bedroom. I let Aaron have my bed, and I slept with Bobby. It was just a twin bed, but it worked out okay. I had really missed him. I guessed he missed me too. He hugged me all night. And I was able to sleep that way!

Bobby left two days before we had to, since we were only two hours away. That meant we had the bedroom to ourselves. As we were talking in the dark, Aaron asked me, "Did you really mean what you said to me that night?"

"What night?" He had a way of coming off the wall with things he had been thinking about, but no one else had a clue.

"That night you said you loved me."

"Oh. I believe what I said was `I love you too.'"

"I know." He sounded a bit disappointed, but proceeded, "But did you mean it"?

"I've told you before that that I loved you."

"I know that too, but..."

I then let it out. "Aaron, I have had very strong feelings for you for some time. I don't know quite what to think about it. Or what to do about it"

"I know."

"Well-?"

"Colin?"

"Aaron?"

"Would you come over here and - get into bed with me?"

I didn't answer. I just grabbed my pillow and went over to my own bed, and climbed in with Aaron. We just hugged and then went to sleep. I actually was able to sleep with him. My dreams were pretty colorful.

The next night was our last night at my home. I hit the bed first. He just came over without saying anything, and climbed in with me. We talked about what a great week we had. We talked about how close we had gotten. We did not talk about our present closeness.

Chapter 10

When we got back to the dorm, our regular schedule became pretty usual again, with the exception of a couple things. Every night as he went to bed, he said, "I love you" to me. I always returned it. Oh, and a couple times a week, usually weekends, he came over to my bed and climbed in with me. I was getting quite comfortable with him by my side at night. Sometimes he would touch me in some way, even putting his arm around me as we fell asleep. I was able to sleep, ever since that night with Bobby. I really liked that. I felt so secure those nights. He would also sometimes kiss my hand or cheek. As I thought about it, I wished that Bobby had done this with me. I loved this silly geek so much.

One day, close to the end of school, we started talking about our plans for the summer. Poor Aaron! It was just starting to be good weather here, and he had to go back to New Zealand to face a cool winter. I was feeling badly about this one day, while I was supposed to be listening to my calc professor drone on. Then it hit me. SHIT! He would be gone for the summer!

As soon as class was over, I headed to a pay phone outside class. I called my mom. After the usual "How much do you need" conversation, I said, "I'm not calling for money, Mom. Do you think that Aaron could stay here with us this summer? He has to go home to a winter, and then return here to our winter."

"Don't you think he misses his family, dear?" She said.

"Of course he misses his family. He talks to his mom every week. But, well, he talks to her every week."

"I know, sweetie, but talking on the phone is not the same. We see you on all your breaks. He probably really misses his family. But if he wants, of course he is welcome here. He's such a nice, well-mannered boy. As a matter of fact we were planning on replacing your twin beds in your room with a queen sized. I think it was so sweet to see you two sleeping together."

GOD! She saw us?!!

"Aaron?" I said, that same night.

"Yeah, dude?"

"I talked to my mom today."

"Yeah? How much did you ask for?" He grinned.

"Shut UP!!" I contested. "No, I asked if it would be all right if you came home with me for the summer."

"Dude, I..."

"What?"

"...I gotta go home, dude."

"We could have such a blast this summer! There is so much to do here in the summer! We can go, for the day, to the desert, if we want to be rock hounds, or to the beach, or to the mountains. DISNEYLAND!!! We could take off and bum our way up the coast to the giant redwoods, and -"

"Colin," he said, "It would break my mum's heart if I did not come home. And honestly, I miss her -- them too."

"Wa-how!" I said. "I just never considered before today that you would be gone, Aaron. I missed my brother when he left for college, but nothing like I'm starting to feel about you already -- and you're not even gone yet."

"Hey, dude, it won't be so bad. Bobby is graduating this year, and will be coming home, won't he? You will have a grand time with him."

"I know he plans on getting a job right away. I just never thought I would miss you this much."

"It'll go fast, Colin, I promise. Maybe I'll come back a week or two early."

Mom was right. I was, well, I guess I was heart broken. I had no idea of the intensity of feeling I had for him. Our last night we slept together. Actually we didn't sleep much. We talked almost all night. I cried, and I think he did too. I think I could feel wetness on his cheek. We hugged a lot, and when morning came, we got up and did some last minute packing. I drove him the two hours to L.A. International. I stopped the car in front of the terminal, and we got out and removed his luggage from the trunk. He grabbed me in a bear hug for at least three or four minutes. We were both obviously crying now, and just before we let go, he looked deep into my wet eyes for a long moment and then put his mouth on mine. I didn't even care that people were looking. We kissed sweetly, and parted.

It was the longest summer of my life.

Note: If you liked it, let me know at s4d@hotmail.com. I would appreciate any comments. Thanks! Steve