This is a work of pure fiction, based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of Characters:
Cole Alexander Stephanson IV -- Our hero
Jazz -- (Jack Zachary) Coles oldest brother
Diane -- Jazz's wife
Janie and Jesse -- Jazz's kids
Rod -- Coles middle brother
Suzanne -- Rod's wife
Will and Cole V -- Rod's kids
Igor (Iggy) -- Cole's Tutoring Pupil
Cole Alexander Stephanson III -- Coles Dad
Ethyl Stephanson -- Cole's mom
Rex Remlin-- Rod's best friend
Gus Hartwin -- Cole's Boyfriend
Michelle -- Cole's old girlfriend.
Dexter -- Iggy's boyfriend
Ed -- Paramedic
Manolo -- Paramedic
Steve -- Manolo's boyfriend
Randy -- Found Boy
Curtis -- Found boy's brother
Kian Willis-- Friend in Vancouver
Nicolas Poole-- Friend in Vancouver
Howard Poole -- Nicolas's Father
Christian -- the pool guy
Boyd -- the pilot
Spike -- Cop and former classmate
The twins:
Marcus Aurelius
Alexander The Great
Jon -- Teacher's Aide
From Chapter 33
"So -- can I call Jon?" I asked pensively.
"I don't care." He said, looking away.
"Ok." I said, knowing I sounded disappointed. "I won't call."
"No, Babe! It's okay, if you want to do it."
"I wanted YOU to want it. I'm not gonna bother Jon unless you really want to do it."
Chapter 34
How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb REALLY has to WANT to be changed! -- Author unknown
One week later:
"Cole, Don't be an ass! Just call him!"
"Okay, but first some rules."
"What?" Gus said, exasperated.
"First of all, I don't know Jon all that well. I guess if he didn't know I was gay before, he will now."
"I thought that was what that FRA you did was all about?"
"It's RFA, and it was, but he didn't know it. Anyway, if you can't get into it for some reason, don't make a big deal of it. And -- as a matter of fact, if it isn't working for you, will you pretend that it is working -- for me?"
"How can I pretend?"
"Just go along with it. You can be honest, answer honestly, but don't get up and walk out."
"I -- I guess." He said.
"I think you may be surprised."
"Is that all?" He said. I perceived it as sarcastic, so I asked,
"Do you really want to do this?"
"YES!"
"Hello, is this Jon?"
"Yeah. What's up?"
"This is Cole Stephanson. I hope you remember me. I - "
"Cole! Remember you? Hell yes! You were the most interesting RFA I ever heard. I mean some really get way-out with outlandish things, but yours -- Dude! It seemed so real -- or something. Thanks for writing it down for me. I have used it so many times already as an example."
"Jon, would you be interested in doing an -- um -- well, a research RFA. Something maybe new?"
"What do you have in mind."
"Remember how you had me jumping into other people's consciousness?"
"Dude! That was so surreal. I don't even know why I did it!"
"The thing is -- it seemed to work."
"I know. That's the one thing that I have had some second thoughts about. It was really on my suggestion."
"Why's that?"
"People have heard about it -- or read it -- (I changed your name dude!) and wanted to be put into their dogs and cats -- or George Washington -- or their favorite tree!"
"Wow! And has it worked?"
"Yeah dude! That's what's so freaky. I think people's mind sometimes just does whatever they want it to do."
"That may be good -- for my purposes."
"What's up?"
"I want to involve my partner."
"You want me to do one on her?"
"Both of us -- him and me."
"Him -- what?"
"My partner is a him."
"Oh!" He exclaimed.
"Is that a problem?" I asked.
"No. Oh, HELL no! Not at all. I just wouldn't have guessed that you were - - "
"Thanks!" I said.
"Oh Dude! I didn't mean -- I mean anything by - "
"No it's okay. I really mean it. Thanks! I sometimes wonder if people can tell as soon as they meet me!"
"What is it you want -- to do?"
"Something new -- I think. I want you to do both of us at once. And somehow put us into the same reality -- or unreality -- or something. And this time I want total suggestion -- as an experiment. You get to suggest where we're going and who we'll meet."
"Sounds bizarre -- but -- KEWL! When do we do it?"
"Soon as possible -- Gus -- my partner -- is a skeptic. But he really wants this -- now."
"How about tomorrow night?"
"Gus usually works nights, but I think he might be off tomorrow. Let's say yes, tentatively. I'll call you back later, when he gets home form work. How late can I call?"
"Doesn't matter. Dude you know me. I LIVE for the odd experience. And new experimentation? Very kewl! Call me as soon as you find out!"
Later that night:
"Jon -- Cole. Tomorrow night works!"
"KEWL! Just be sure you both get plenty of rest. It works best when you are the most alert. This is so kewl!"
"I'm glad you're so excited. I hope we don't disappoint you! Night!"
"You sure you're okay with this?" I asked Gus after the call to Jon.
"Of course!" He snapped. "Why do you keep asking?"
"You seem to be a little edgy. I wish I could make you feel more comfortable. It's not imperative, but it's just easier if you're more comfortable."
"I'm okay with it. This is all you get, dude. It's strange to me."
"Sweetheart, let me reassure you a little. This is totally voluntary. You have a choice to back out any time if you feel pressured or like you are doing anything against your will. And the reason I can say that so surely is that I know it isn't about that. Even deep hypnotism won't cause you to do something that you normally would have a moral problem with.
"But in this, you are completely awake the whole time. You don't have to even make a conscious decision to pull out. You just are free to stay or go at any time. I just am asking that you stay, even if you don't believe it all. As a matter of fact, if there is something that you don't want to answer, just say you'd rather not say it. You are that conscious -- to be able to do that."
"Okay."
"Okay what?"
"Don't push it, Babe. I'm doing this for you and -- I guess -- for me. It feels strange to be the -- um -- weak one here."
"AHA! I'm supposed to be the weak one, right? Well, you know that doesn't bother me. So maybe you can feel like I do sometimes. But not really. I am so okay with things the way they are. You ARE the stronger one. Well, let me be the stronger one this one time. Let go. You may find it's a nice feeling."
"How many times have I asked you to just hold me?" He asked.
"Not many -- I can't remember any." I answered.
"Well, I'm asking now."
We were both lying on our backs with our hands behind our heads as we talked. It suddenly dawned on me that this was a major stretch for Gus. I turned to him and he backed in to my embrace. Usually it is the opposite. He let out a long sigh. I rubbed his chest, flicking his tits as I did it. "Man I love you, Gus Hartwin!"
"God, I love you too -- so much!"
"Night!" I said.
The next day was a very long day. Thanks goodness for Lex and Marc. We napped with them to make sure we were alert as requested. Well, at least Gus slept. He was supposed to be the one who was nervous, and it was I that could not sleep! Well, Okay, but it wasn't nervousness -- more like excited. Okay! Nervous excitement! Or excited nervousness. Okay! I was Freaked!
Finally after dinner we went to Jon's apartment. He suggested that we would have the most privacy there. Jon's apartment was a classic single guy's apartment -- messy! But there were two comfortable chairs set together. I started to sit and Jon said, "Uh -- wait! You sit in that chair. Let Gus sit in the chair with the table to the left." We did as we were told
"First," Jon continued, "let me tell you that Cole, you were my favorite student. Your questions always made me -- and Dr. Lowry -- think! Dr. Lowry was the professor, Gus. I was his teacher's aide.
"Okaaaay! Let me start by telling you that I will try to be as open as I can. I want you to be as comfortable as possible doing this. Gus! How nice to meet you! I knew nothing about you until last night. I told your partner that I never guessed he was gay. Well, that was true, but after I hung up, I started to think about him, and then I got this strange voice in my head. It said, `DUH!' Haha! But seriously, I just am not prone to put labels on people. But - - if I were to label you, Gus, at least from this initial impression, it would not have been gay."
I could see that Gus was seething just a little, so I said, "Jon, why would you -- well -- not notice at first that I might be gay and why have you now made this judgment about Gus?"
"Oh! I'm sorry! I -- er -- that is -- I just -- Shit! I -- am embarrassed to say -- I don't know anyone else -- at least up close and personal -- who is gay."
I could see Gus relax a little, but I still took it a step further. "Maybe that's because not any gay guy has felt comfortable to know you. So - - if gay is not what you would characterize Gus -- what IS your impression of him?"
"Well -- and please don't take this wrong -- but I thought immediately when you two walked in that this was a joke -- a hoax. I thought Gus walked like some kind of sports jock!" I looked at Gus and we both started to laugh. "So -- that's it! This IS a joke?" Jon exclaimed.
"Well, sort of -- but no. It's all for real. Gus IS a sports jock."
"A GAY sports jock!" Gus laughed.
"Really!?" Said Jon. "Well apart from the walk and a bit of an attitude when we first started talking, you don't seem like most -- I mean -- heh -- I'm digging myself deeper, aren't I?"
"Yeah!" I said. "But it's okay, because you are so good at it. You're very cute you know!" At that Jon turned red and we all laughed loud.
"Okay, back - "
"First let me say," Gus started, "That in high school, I was just as much an insufferable ass as any jock you ever met!"
"Hoe-kay!" Said Jon. "Anyway, as I was saying, I want there to be no surprises except whatever either of you -- or both -- come up with. Has Cole told you that this is -- um -- unusual? That we are experimenting with this?"
"Yeah. That doesn't make it unsafe or anything does it?" Gus replied.
"No -- not at all. I wouldn't do it if I thought it was. These things are done as parlor games almost. It can be quite entertaining with a willing subject. But it's completely safe. I just wanted you to know that it might not even work. Actually it probable WON'T work. I mean we're talkin' a `Vulcan Mind Meld" here.
"Okay, secondly, the reason I placed you next to the table is that Cole has done this before and was a very willing and easy subject. In a few minutes, I am gonna ask you to invite your left brain -- the logical part of your thinking -- on the table next to you. I like the table to be on the left, so the left brain doesn't feel too removed from his home." We all chuckled. I am gonna record this -- so you can listen later and so that I can refer to it and use it later. Is that okay with both of you? We both told him it was, but only after
Gus looked at me and I nodded. The rest of the following is really from the tape.
Jon: Okay, first, close your eyes. I hope you both got plenty of rest today. If you fall asleep, this won't work. (We closed our eyes.) Good. I want you to get as comfortable as you can in the chairs. Good.
Now -- and since this is experimental, if something doesn't feel right, let me know and we'll try something else. Try holding hands at first. Does that feel okay?
Gus answered before I did. "Yes." I followed suit, but much quieter and much more slowly. I could feel myself letting go already.
Jon: Now I want you to imagine you are in your favorite place to go to have peace and happiness. Some like a park. Some like a quiet beach. Some like the mountains. Some like their bedroom. Go to that place that you feel most comfortable. Are you there.
Gus: Yeah
Cole: Yes
Jon: Can I ask you to speak up just a little, Cole? Gus needs to hear it too.
Cole: Sorry. Yes.
Jon: Cole, where are you?
Cole: At Downey.
Jon: You mean the city of Downey?"
Cole: High School
Jon: Downey High School?
Cole: Yes.
Jon: where at Downey High School?
Cole: At the football field.
Jon: What day is it?
Cole: Sunday.
Jon: Are many others there?
Cole: No.
Jon: Good. Gus, where are you -- exactly?
Gus: At Laguna Beach, north end where the cliffs are. There is a small bathroom there on a lower level, not so far down as the beach. I am lying on the grass looking up at the clouds in the blue, blue sky."
Jon: Good. Gus, by your answer, I can tell you are still ruled by your left brain. I am going to ask both of you to invite your left brain to remove itself to the table to the left. Is it there?
Gus: This is crap!
Jon: Gus I want you to tell your left brain to not answer for you. And if it cannot go to the table, just be quiet.
Gus: Okay.
Note: I was so tempted to open my own eyes, but decided to let Jon handle Gus. He "handled" him for the next half hour, asking lots of easy questions and reminding him to relax and let the process work.
Jon: Gus, can you still feel Cole beside you?
Gus: yes.
Note: this was when Gus squeezed my hand slightly, and I realized he had become quite relaxed.
Jon: Good. Gus I want you to think in as much detail as you can when you first met Cole."
Gus: High school.
Jon: You two got together in high school?"
Gus: No you said when we met.
Jon: You're right -- I did. Think about -- don't tell me -- when and how you and Cole got together and all the things that led up to it, until I call your name.
Jon: Cole, you said you were in your high school football field -- right?
Cole: Yes.
Jon: Are you still holding Gus's hand?
Cole: Yes.
Jon: How is that possible if you are in Downey and Gus is in Laguna?
Cole: Can Gus hear you?
Jon: Cole please tell your left brain not to answer. But to answer, no, he is well in his relaxed state and is focused on what I told him. Cole, do you know the place that Gus described -- did you hear him describe it?"
Cole: Yes.
Jon: Can you go there to be with him?
Cole: Yes.
Jon: Are you there?
Cole: Yes
Jon: Gus, is this your favorite place?
Gus: No.
Jon: Where is your favorite place.
Gus. Any bed with Cole in it.
Jon: Okay then! We'll go with the beach! Gus who else is there at the beach?
Gus: No one.
Jon: You are alone?
Gus: Cole is here.
Jon: Good. What are you wearing?
Gus: Swim suit.
Jon: Cole and Gus, do you come here often.
Cole and Gus: No.
Jon: Where do you want to go, now that you are here?
Gus: The beach.
Cole: The water.
Jon: I thought you told me that this was the beach.
Cole: This is the grassy area above the beach.
Jon: Oh, that's right. You explained that. So I want you to go down to the beach -- holding hands.
Note: I felt Gus squeeze my hand again.
Jon: Are you walking to the water now?
Gus and Cole: Yes.
Jon: Cole, describe your walk to me.
Cole. We are walking across a grassy picnic area, and now we are at the end of the grass. Sand and bushes next to the walkway. We are approaching the steps.
Jon: The steps?
Cole: There are many steps -- concrete -- and a switchback. It is very steep. We are now at the bottom of the steps. There is a sandy beach to the left and rocks to the right. We are going toward the rocks.
Jon: Is that your favorite place?
Cole: Yes.
Jon: Why?
Cole: Secluded.
Jon: Anyone else there?"
Cole: No.
Jon: Continue to describe your walk.
Cole: We are climbing over and through the rocks. There is the other beach. Empty.
Jon: Find a place and sit on the sand, and let me set the scene now.
Cole and Gus: Okay.
Jon: Are you sitting?
Cole: Yes.
Gus: No.
Jon: Will you please sit, Gus?
Gus: Don't like sand in my butt.
Jon: Oh! Ha-ha! Put a blanket down. Is the blanket down?
Gus: Yes.
Jon: Good. Get comfortable. Keep holding hands. The sand is warm -- under the blanket. The sun is shaded by a slight overcast and the wind is cool and pleasant. Are you sitting on the blanket holding hands?
Cole: Yes
Gus: No. Lying down.
Jon: Good. Cole, lay down with Gus on the blanket. Good. Now if your eyes are not already closed, close your eyes. Now I am going to count to three and when I snap my fingers, you are going to be in the pre-existence. 1-2-3-SNAP! Are you there?
Cole and Gus: Yes.
Note: I was there, but my conscious mind wondered if Gus really was, or was he pretending, as I asked him to. It surprised me that my conscious mind was still functioning.
Jon: Good. Gus, would you be comfortable enough to go to sleep for a time -- so I can talk to Cole?
Gus: Y- w -- n -- ummmm -- yes.
Jon: Good. Gus when I count backward from 10 to 1, you will fall deeply asleep until I count back to ten again, when you will become awake and alert. Okay?
Gus: Yes.
Jon: 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1. you are deeply asleep now.
Jon: (Whispering) Cole, come back to the room.
I was immediately aware and alert. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know where you want to go with this from here." Said Jon.
"Oh." I said, quickly looking over at Gus.
"Oh, He's out like a light!" Whispered Jon. I smiled at Gus. "What's next?"
"I believe that the pre-existence is only a state of mind." I explained. "and that there is no concept of time in the spirit world. So being in the pre-existence is the same as being in the now or in the future. Did you know that I was fully aware -- and could think with my conscious mind even while my subconscious is doing as you suggest?"
"Yes, some are able to do that. Do you think you can direct where you want to go and what you want to do as we proceed?" Jon asked.
"Umm -- maybe."
"Tell me basically what you want to see."
"I want to see Rex again."
"Again?"
"I saw him in a very real dream awhile back. Rex died of AIDS."
"Oh!"
"Rex was like another big brother to me."
"Did he do anything sexual with you?"
"NO!" I said.
"Sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."
"Jon, if he had started anything, I would have been very willing. But he didn't. He was my brother's best friend. My brother is not gay, and didn't know until later that Rex was. Rex also was Gus's first boyfriend. They were both super-jocks in high school, but we never went to school with Rex. He graduated 4 years before us."
"OHhhh! Wow. So you want Gus to see Rex -- if that's possible?"
"Yeah. He seemed very sad when I told him that I saw Rex in my dream. Gus doesn't dream."
"Oh! Did you want them to -- um -- do anything?"
"What?"
"Sex."
"Oh! No! Well, if Gus can get in to this -- let him decide. Would that bother you?"
"It would be a first."
"But would it bother you?" I pressed him.
"Naw! I'm really into this experimental stuff."
"Well, you wouldn't have to watch -- but -- OH! Wait!"
"What?"
"Remember -- oh never mind lets just do it!"
"No what were you gonna say?" Jon was grinning.
"Did you see `Ghost', the movie?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Do you remember how Patrick Swayze got into Whoopie Goldberg's body?"
"Ohhh! You want to get into Rex's consciousness and - - oh wow! That could be hot -- er I mean interesting!"
"No, I want Rex to enter my body. So Gus can - - ?"
"You want me to watch that?" Jon marveled.
"Would that be too much for you?"
"Hell no! If you are willing, it would be so kewl! I mean I don't know if it's ever been done. Remember it's being recorded."
"But only audio, right? And our names have never really been mentioned -- our last names."
"Not only that, we can go back and dub in other names."
"Let's do it!" I said.
"Okay. Take Gus's hand and lead him back to my bedroom."
"We're going back to Jon's bedroom, Gus." I said as I pulled him up form the chair. He followed dumbly, as I followed Jon. He turned into the bedroom. A twin bed! I carefully lay Gus down on one side of the bed, and then lay down next to him and took his hand.
"Close your eyes, Cole and put your left brain on the table." I did it and was quickly back into the relaxed focused state.
Jon: Gus, I'm going to count to ten. When I reach ten, you will be awake and still at the beach lying with Cole. (Gus did not move) 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10. You are still in the pre existence, Gus. Keep your eyes closed. Do you feel Cole's hand?
Gus: Yes. (He gently squeezed my hand.)
Jon: There are millions of people there. Can you see them?
Gus and Cole: Yes. (Wow, I thought!)
Jon: The pre-existence is only one of the terms used to describe the spirit world. But actually time has no hold here. Is that true, Cole?
Cole: Yes.
Jon: Do you see anyone that you know?
Cole and Gus: Yes. (Wow again!)
Jon: Is there someone who you want to see, Cole?
Cole: Yes.
Jon. Is that person Rex?
Cole: Yes. (I heard a quick intake of breath from Gus, and he squeezed my hand so hard it hurt.)
Jon: When I snap my fingers, you will both be in front of Rex. 1-2-3-SNAP!
Gus again squeezed my hand hard and I could hear him snuffling.
Jon: What's with the emotion. Gus? Are you unhappy?
Gus: No. Happy!
Jon: Cole, I have never done this. I don't know how, but see if you can become one with Rex's spirit. Can you do that?
Cole: We are one now.
Jon: How does it feel?
Cole: Okay.
Jon. Gus, is there anything you want to say to or ask Rex?
Gus: Yes.
Jon. Say it. Talk to Rex, Gus.
Gus: Are you okay? He's not answering.
Jon: Cole, can you feel or tell if Rex wants to say anything?
Cole: Yes.
Jon: Speak for Rex, Cole.
Cole: (As Rex) Dude! You look better than ever! Yeah, I'm okay.
Gus: You look good too. Better than - - um -- are you happy here?
Cole: (As Rex) Yes. It's better than anyone can imagine. And -- it's supposed to be even better on the other side.
Gus: The other side?
Cole: (As Rex) When we leave here, we go to another better place. This is just a place to wait.
Jon: Gus, did you know you can touch Rex?
Gus: No.
Jon: Do you want to touch Rex, Gus?
Gus: Yes.
Jon: Touch him, Gus. Hug him if you want.
(Gus then reached out and touched me -- as he thought I was Rex. I involuntarily pulled him into a hug. It must have been Rex doing it.)
Jon: Do you want to do anything else with Rex?
Gus: Yes.
Jon: Sex?
Cole (As Rex) and Gus: NO!
Jon: Oh! Okay. Why not sex, Gus?
Gus: It's not -- its not -- I love -- COLE! It's not right!
Jon: Okay. Good. Why not, Rex?
Cole: (As Rex) It's not allowed here.
Jon: Oh. Okay. Gus, what do you want to do with Rex?
"I don't want to do this any more. Sorry Rex, but Cole's my guy now." Said Gus, fully awake alert and out of the RFA consciousness.
Jon: Is that sufficient, Cole?
Cole: Yes.
Cole: (As Rex) NO!
Jon: What else do you want to do, Cole?
Cole: Ask Rex.
Jon: What do you want to do, Rex?
Cole: (As Rex) Tell both of you that I love you -- somehow more than I knew how before. And I will wait -- for you -- See you tomorrow.
Cole: Tomorrow?
Cole: (As Rex) Some time later. Time has no relevance here. I love you.
Jon: Is that all?
Cole: (As Rex) Yes.
Cole: NO!
Jon: What else did you want to say, Rex?
Rex: That was Cole.
Jon: What else did you want to say, Cole?
Cole: Do you know if I will lose my sight, Rex?
Cole: (As Rex) No.
Cole: Is there someone you can ask?
Cole: (As Rex) Not allowed.
Cole: Ok. Fuck!
Cole: (As Rex) Not allowed.
Cole: I know. You said that! (I was quite upset!)
Cole: (As Rex) No -- not allowed to say fu --
And he was gone! There was silence in the room. The sun had gone down, so it was very dark. Then we heard, as if from far away, "I lo --o- -o -- o -- ve y -- o -- o -- o -- o -- u!"
"Did you hear that?" I asked.
"Hear what?" Jon said.
"I heard it!" Gus said. "He said he loves us!"
"You both heard it -- and I didn't?" Said Jon. "Very bizarre! Very KEWL! Hey, guys. THANK you for everything. That was so - - interesting and - - I dunno! Oh! What was Rex wearing?"
"Swim suit." Said Gus.
"White Robe." I said.
"Why?" We said together, then, "Oh!"
"So," Jon said, "The question is, was this real?"
"You know what I think?" I said.
"What?" Asked John.
"Maybe wonder would be a better word. I wonder if some things can be real for one person but not for another? You will always wonder now if it was real -- just as you probably did our last RFA. But what I know is that it wasn't me that was speaking when Rex was talking.
"Wow!" Said Jon.
"Wow!" Said Gus.
"Yeah," Said I. "Wow!"
Notes: I wonder if some things can be real for one person but not for another? Maybe time will tell - - if time even exists! Comments may be sent to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com. Thanks and love, Steve