This is a work of pure fiction, based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of Characters:
Cole Alexander Stephanson IV -- Our hero
Jazz -- (Jack Zachary) Coles oldest brother
Diane -- Jazz's wife
Rod -- Coles middle brother
Igor (Iggy) -- Cole's Tutoring Pupil
Cole Alexander Stephanson III -- Coles Dad
Ethyl Stephanson -- Cole's mom
Rex Remlin-- Rod's best friend
Gus Hartwin -- Cole's Boyfriend
Michelle -- Cole's old girlfriend.
Dexter -- Iggy's boyfriend
Ed -- Paramedic
Manolo -- Paramedic
Steve -- Manolo's boyfriend
Randy -- Found Boy
Curtis -- Found boy's brother
Kian Willis -- Friend in Vancouver
Nicolas Poole-- Friend in Vancouver
Howard Poole -- Nicolas's Father
Christian -- the pool guy
Boyd -- the pilot
Spike -- Cop and former classmate
The twins:
Marcus Aurelius
Alexander The Great
From Chapter 29
"Heavenly Father, thank you for giving me this wonderful man who makes me complete." I whispered. "I don't understand why we are like we are, but at this point in my life, it's all I ever want to be. Please forgive me when I am unkind to others. Especially I pray that Gus will understand when I am past anger and frustrated with myself and my limitations. Please bless my new brothers with healthy bodies. Bless Mom and Dad that they may be able to care for them until they are adults.
"Father, I don't often ask for much for myself. But I want to ask that I may not lose my sight. I know that you know what's best, but in my own head, I cannot think how blindness would help me. I trust you to be my loving Father. Thy will be done, Father, but for my part, I don't want to lose my sight.
"Help me to carry on my studies and get the rest and healing that I need. Bless Gus to continue to have patience with me.
"In Jesus name, Amen"
"Amen!" Gus sleepily said. I could feel his tears on my neck as I slipped off to sleep.
Chapter 30
Mom really did need my help with the Marc and Alex. And I loved every minute of it! I thought changing diapers would be the worst! It's not that bad -- maybe a little vinegary. Mom is breast feeding the boys, and their poop is bright yellow and hardly smells at all. It's fascinating to just study them. They are so helpless. Perfect little hands and feet, so cute! And their little tiny uncut penises and seemingly oversized balls! I laughed out loud the first time I had to clean poop off them. I would swear Alex smiled at me. But he was only 1 ½ weeks old! They were born with hair, but most of that has fallen out, and they are nearly bald.
I had gotten so used to Gus being with me all the time; it's good that I had something to occupy me. Mom and Dad AND Gus were adamant that I not work -- that I rest up for the coming semester. Gus hated the thought of working at McDonalds for the summer, but his first week he found he liked it. There was one particular old lady that worked there that loved him and treated him like a grandson or something. His boss was hardly there during his shifts. He had the worst shifts of all -- the ones no one else wanted to work. But he still came home happy most of the time. One time he came home with grease up to his neck. They made the new guy clean out the grease traps! He wasn't so happy about that, but still was good natured about it.
"Hello?" I answered the phone sleepily one morning. Dad was at work and mom was asleep. The twins were in their crib next to our bed. Whenever they woke up at night, I changed them and brought them to Mom. She would feed them and change them again, then bring them back. She was getting stronger each day. I had my phone on vibrate, so all I heard was a buzz on the table aside the bed.
"Cole?" Came the impatient voice on the other end.
"Yeah." I couldn't get much enthusiasm up.
"It's Nick -- Nick Poole." He said. I was yawning. "Do you remember me?" He said impatiently.
"Yeah. Sorry. Just woke up. Up a lot with the boys last night. Mornin'!"
"Boys?"
Yeah. My mom had twin boys a few weeks ago. I'm helping her with them. She almost died having them."
"Oh." He sounded disappointed. Like maybe I had already bested what he was going to tell me. "I -- er -- was wondering -- well, now -- I mean -- are you still coming -- up -- to see us?" Then he added. "Oh! Sorry to hear about your mom. Is she okay?" Again, he seemed to be going through the motions. I was more than a little irritated.
"Look, I'm sorry!" I started. "I should have called. I really am sorry about that. But we have had so much on our minds. Mom is getting better, but when we first brought the twins home, she was on complete bed rest. I'm still up half the night -- every night -- with them."
"I'm sorry, Cole. I -- er -- we -- were so looking forward to seeing you! Is it out of the question now?"
"Who's that?" Gus said sleepily. He closed last night, so wasn't home until about 2:30.
"It's Nick." I said, a little less than enthusiastically.
"Really?!" He said, suddenly energized. "Put it on hands free! Yo, Nick!" Gus's enthusiasm made me feel like an idiot. I felt bad for being so pissy.
"Gus!" Nick suddenly got back the energy I had sucked out of him. "So you guys got some brothers to watch, huh?"
"Oh yeah! They're so cute! Cole does most of it. I'm working."
"Really? What are you doing?"
"Don't laugh!" Gus warned. "McDonalds. It was all that was available, and it's only for the summer."
"Oh." Immediately disappointed again, he continued. "I was hoping -- well, it sounds as if you can't come up."
"We've talked about it." Gus said. "Maybe at the end of summer." We heard a big sigh at the other end of the line. "Is everything okay with you and Kyle?"
"Oh yeah -- better than ever -- except -- well -- anyway, it's my dad that's the biggest problem."
"Oh! Is he okay?" I just let Gus do the talking.
"Yeah. But -- he has been getting on us again about being gay. I was hoping that Cole could talk to him again. He really likes Cole."
"What happened?" I asked. Has Kian been -- um -- acting -- um -- fem again?"
"No, not at all. He has made a 180 on that! As a matter of fact I miss it!"
"What?" Both Gus and I exclaimed.
"Yeah, I had to admit something to myself. I was worried about his fem-ness because of how it made me look. But when you guys left, I wasn't worried about that any more. And I realized, I missed Kian's swishiness. I never would have admitted it a few months ago. It was, like, I loved him, but thought I hated his fem! I didn't hate it! I was afraid it might expose me! I still love him, but I miss IT now."
"So, what's your dad's problem now? Did he find out about Boyd?"
"Hell no! That's why I won't allow Chris and Boyd anywhere near us. I don't want Dad to be any more freaked than he is. I dunno. He just started being all edgy and stuff. He blew up the other day because Kian was standing `too close' to me. Cole, I know you can calm him down. But -- kee-rap! I don't know if I can wait until Fall!"
"Not fall. The end of summer."
"Summer ends sooner up here! Cole -- can you come this weekend? Oh shit! No! You have to take care of your mom! Crap!"
"Well, Dad's home on the weekends - "
"Oh! So you'll do it? I KNOW Dad would love to see you."
"Wouldn't it seem strange if I come alone?"
"Let me worry about that! I'll think of something."
I looked at Gus, my lip protruding. I put my hand over the phone. "I don't wanna go without you!"
"It's okay. Really. It'll go so fast." He whispered. "You should go! Your dad and I will help your mom with the boys."
"Boyd will come get you!" Said Nick. "It will be fun! Kian is stuck home with his mom -- she's sick. We can have fun running all over the place!" The he added, "Oh! Gus! Not too much fun! Ha-ha!"
I looked at Gus. He nodded encouragingly.
"What time can Boyd pick you up, Friday?"
"Hmmm. "What time can you take me to the airport, Gus?" I asked.
"I have to be to work by 6:00 PM. Mmmm -- how about 5:00?"
"Great! I'll check to see if Boyd's not already booked and call you back. Geez! It's only Tuesday! Friday seems like a month away! Bye!" He sounded a lot more light-hearted than when we first started talking.
I looked at Gus trying to read his face. He read mine first! "It's okay, Cole. You guys'll have fun!"
"I know." I said half glumly. "I'm not sure I wanna have fun without you!"
"Just keep it clean!" He laughed.
We told Dad and Mom of my plans. Dad said that would be great. He said he could even come home a little early so Mom would not be alone at all. Thursday night when we went to bed, Gus said, "I got a surprise for you."
"I know! I've been waiting all day for THAT surprise!" I grabbed his crotch. He giggled.
"Okay, I know what's most important! But I have another surprise! But it can wait!" He said, and practically threw me on the bed. It was fast, furious and - - sweet!
"Oh My God, a quickie can sometimes be invigorating or - like tonight -- GOOD! But exhausting! Night sweetie!" Gus crooned.
"Nuh-uh!" I protested. "You said you had another surprise for me!"
"Oh! I DID, didn't I? I was talking about you going to Canada at work yesterday, and the shift leader asked why I would I would eve THINK to let you go alone."
"Your Boss knows about us?"
"No. Well, he might, but this is the shift leader. She is just in charge of our shift. I guess she's the boss -- unless he's actually there. Anyway - - she said she would make sure my shifts were covered -- I'm going!"
After the drubbing I took under Gus the moment before, it took a long moment for it to register. "What? WHAT!??? You -- you're - going -- with me?" I shouted. I grabbed him with renewed energy and pinned him under me.
"Everything okay in there, guys?" Dad's voice.
"Yeah! C'mon in Dad."
"I was worried the boys would wake up." Dad said. "But I see they are sleeping like little angels. What's up?"
"Gus got the time off work to go the Vancouver with me!" I said excitedly.
"That won't -- I mean -- you weren't -- um - " Gus stammered.
"No, Gus," Dad laughed, "it'll be fine. I think after three boys, I can handle things for three days!"
Gus hopped up, forgetting he was nude and probably -- um -- messy -- and hugged Dad. He put his head on Dad's shoulder and said, "Thanks, Daddy!" and kissed him on the cheek. Dad giggled, turned red and then headed for the door. "Okay! G'night, boys!"
"Gus. Look at you! You're still wet!" I teased.
Gus's mouth dropped open. "OH MY GOD! Omigod, omigod, omigod! Did I just - - Oh FUCK! I feel so -- completely - "
"Well, I doubt you'll ever have to worry about anyone saying anything about it -- well not to you!" Just then we heard Mom giggle. "Yup, he just told Mom."
"That's it! I can't ever face them again! I'm moving out tomorrow!" Gus whined.
"Yeah, I know. We both are! But we'll be back on Sunday. It'll be fine!"
"I won't ever be able to look your mom in the face again!"
"Yes, you will! Consider yourself initiated into the family!
Ha-ha-ha!"
The next morning Mom was up before us for the first time since Alex and Marc were born. She was humming and singing as she we came in for breakfast. "So -- you're both going away for the weekend! How nice! Gus, don't ever think that it goes unnoticed how much you care for our son!"
Gus was so awesome! He said, "Yeah, last night I gave Dad a piece of my enthusiasm for it!"
Mom shook her head. "Men!"
"What?!!" I cried.
"Women bubble over all the time talking to each other! When a man does it, it's such a big deal!"
I couldn't help thinking about Kian. Wondering if it was hard on him to keep it in all the time. I made a mental note to talk to Nick about it. I had learned in my psych class that when you turn one part of yourself off, you often stifle other parts unknowingly.
We packed only one suitcase for the weekend. Dad took us to John Wayne Airport in Orange County. "So, Gus, does everyone at work know about -- you and -- um -- Cole?"
"Maybe. I don't just tell everything to everyone, but I haven't exactly hid it either. I suppose the word gets around."
"That doesn't worry you any?"
"It's not as bad as it used to be, Dad." Gus said. "There are still a few who are nasty about it, but -- no one as far as I know where I work. Even the old Grandma and Grandpa who work there are cool with it."
"As far as you know. Hmm. Well, just be careful, Son."
"I will sir -- really."
Boyd was waiting at the curb in front of the Delta terminal. Dad popped the trunk and Boyd quickly stepped up and grabbed our bag. "Dad, this is - "
"I know who it is. Boyd brought us home too, you know. Hello Boyd."
"Hello, Mr. Stephanson. I'll have your boys home safely on Sunday night!"
I looked from Dad's face to Boyd's. "Do you have a note to give him?" I asked Dad. "In case we get lonely for you or something?" Everyone laughed.
As we neared the little twin engine executive jet, Boyd pressed a button on his key fob. The hatch opened and swung down to form steps for us to enter. It was dark in the plane, but I saw a dark form move inside. Boyd preceded us up the steps, so we followed. As soon as we were in the plane and my eye was accustomed to the darker inside of the plane, I recognized the dark form I has seen.
"Chris!" I cried.
"Cole! Gus!" He laughed.
"This is great!" I exclaimed. We started to get seated, when Chris said, "Oh! No! You go sit with the Cap'n up front!" Obviously speaking to Gus. "I want to talk to Cole for a bit -- if it's okay."
"No problem! Maybe I can fly the plane again!" Gus exclaimed. "Just no `Mile high club shenanigans' back here!" He joked as he wagged his finger at us.
"Mile high club?" Said Chris, clueless. Both Gus and I laughed. Gus ducked and entered the cockpit.
"So, you've been visiting the cemetery regularly, then?" I asked.
"Oh yeah! I hardly ever stutter at all now."
"Still some?"
"A little. Habit, I think."
"Do you still yell at them?" I asked, reminding him how I taught him to yell at his dad and step-dad's graves.
"Naw. I just mostly talk now. I tell them everything I was too shy or afraid to say when they were alive." He paused for effect. "They just listen." He smiled. Chris and I talked about that and other things for about 40 minutes when Boyd came back.
"Cole! Go join your friend up front. He's driving this bus! And I'm sure he's lonely!"
"Wha -- what?" Chris said. C -- can -- he Fl -- fly?"
"He can now!" Boyd laughed. "Gus said that Chris doesn't know about the `mile high club'. He thought maybe I should be the one to explain it to him!" He winked at me. I nodded and nervously made my way up to the cockpit. Gus looked like the crown prince sitting there!
"Oh! Hi, Babe!" He said. "Sit!" He was very intensely watching the instruments.
"Boyd wasn't kidding, was he? You really are flying it!"
He looked over for a split-second and smiled nervously. His smile faded quickly as the plane seemed to dip! "Got to - - watch -- the - " then it did it again. "the horizon meter -- or -- er -- instrument! Can't see out any more -- too dark." The plane by this time was dipping in an all too familiar rhythm. I started to laugh.
"What's - - so -- funny. Cole this is NOT - "
"The plane is feeling the rhythm of what's going on behind us sweetie." I crooned at him.
His face dropped, then he smiled. "Oh! You're right! HAHAHA! Scared the shit outa me. I was about to call for - "
"AH! AH! OH! Oh God!" Came from the cabin. It continued and increased until it stopped all of a sudden!
"I think that was him calling out!" I laughed. "And it wasn't for you!"
Gus relaxed a little for the first time since I arrived in the cockpit. He turned his head back and said, "You gave us a ride, Boyd!"
"I know!" came the answer. "How do you think I knew what you guys were doing back here the last trip?"
Gus and I started laughing almost uncontrollably.
"Hold on for another ride!" Boyd added.
AS soon as the dipping started again, I got up. "Where you going?!" Gus demanded.
"A little payback!" I said, quietly
I watched as Chris quietly topped Boyd. Even at the end, Chris was not so vocal as Boyd had been. When they were done, I said, "That was soooo hot!"
Boyd started to laugh. So did I. Chris said, "Um, private joke?" Smiling.
"That's exactly what I said when I caught them doing this on the trip down. That was just before we met, Chris -- on the phone!"
Chris was smiling at me when Boyd said that. His smile turned serious and he turned his attention to Boyd. "I am so glad -- soooo happy -- you met them!" and he kissed Boyd. This time Boyd was a little taken aback. I guess fucking was not a problem, but kissing in front of me was a bit too personal -- or something. He nuzzled Chris's neck, and pushed him off.
Chris got up, his dick still dripping. He stuffed it in his pants and before I could react, he kissed me on the lips. More like pecked. "You have a way of sneaking up on me, Chris!"
"I've never kissed you before!"
"True, but I was sure surprised when I was with Gus that last night we were all together and you were sucking me!"
"Oh that! Sorry. Got kind of caught up in the moment. First time for me!"
"As hot as it felt, we have decided no more of that kind of thing."
"Oh! We were hoping - "
"Yeah, you told me on the phone. We'll have lots of fun together -- either now or later in the summer when we come back."
"You're coming back?"
"Yes. This is only for two days. So I don't know what's planned."
"Boyd wants you back up front, Chris." Gus came back.
Chris got up as if he were an obedient little boy, called in from play by his mommy.
"That was soooo cool!" Gus said.
"I can't believe he let you fly it!" I marveled. "He could have just put it on auto, couldn't he?"
"Yeah. Most of flying is in take off and landing though. Keeping it even while it's up is a cinch. Unless and engine goes out or something. But He said if that happened there would be a loud alarm and he would be back with his pants down if it was necessary. All I did was watch that horizon line, and kept it as far above it as he said to."
"Oh! We're going down. Easy to feel that!"
"You guys buckle up back there! Don't wanna get posthumously ripped if we crash and you are found stuffed in some corner of the plane!"
When we deplaned, Nick was waiting for us just outside the gate. He hugged each of us warmly, then stepped away and looked. "My God! I forgot how hot you both look!" he giggled.
"My God! Was that a giggle I heard escape your lips?!!" Gus laughed.
"I hope I can do it around you guys. I didn't know I'd miss it so much when Kian stopped. Used to hate it `til I lost it!" He giggled again for effect.
"Hey, call us if anything interesting is going down!" Said Boyd, backing away from us. Chris followed him like a puppy dog. They both waved and then disappeared around a corner.
"So what's going on with your poppy?" I asked
"I wish I knew. I'm hoping you can find out."
"I will!" I said more confidently than I felt. "So Kian has really changed a lot huh?"
"Yeah." Said Nick, none too happily.
"What's up with that?" I asked.
"He's trying to fit the mold my dad and I made for him."
"And you don't like it?"
"Cole, I just don't know what to do. First I practically force him into this new persona and now I not only -- miss the old Kian -- but I feel guilty for making him be what he's not."
"How does Kian feel about it?"
"I -- think -- I -- I just don't know. He says it's not a problem. He just wants to be with me. That's not fair -- to him. Here's the car. Get in."
"Maybe it's not fair - - to you!" He drove as we talked.
"Huh?"
"Sounds like you have more problem with the new Kian than he does. Married couples have this kind of problem all the time."
"They do?"
"Yup!"
"What do they do?"
"Sometimes, get a divorce. Usually it's a woman who wants a man and when they get married he changes `for her' into exactly what she wants. Only she finds out he is not the same guy!"
"Man you really have a knack for this stuff. Did you learn this in psych?"
"Naw! I was listening to Dr. Laura. She gets calls like that all the time."
"You listen to her?"
"Yeah, all the time!" Gus said.
"But she hates gays!" Nick exclaimed.
"I don't think you listen to her, Nick. Sounds like you listen to the militant gay agenda. We both listen to her. She doesn't believe in marriage for gays. And when gays have called, she has said how important it is for them to be monogamous. She - "
"Do YOU believe in marriage for gays?" Nick asked.
"We're not sure yet." Gus said.
"We?"
"Gus and I discuss most everything. So yes, it's `we'. He's probably more prone to wanting gays to be able to marry than I am."
"Why?"
"Because he - "
"No! Why would YOU not want gays to have that right? Why shouldn't they have every right that straight people do?"
"I believe that we deserve every right that straight people have except one."
"What's that?"
"The same right to adopt children. And it's not only gays I am thinking about."
"Whattaya mean?"
"Look. I don't think it's about the rights of gays or the rights of straight -- or singles. It's about the rights of children! Everyone seems to treat them like they don't matter. They DO matter. I believe that every child deserves a dad AND mom. Not a dad OR a mom OR two dads OR two moms!"
"But that's not always possible! Should a child be taken away from a mom -- or a dad, because they are divorced -- or even one dies -- because it's better to have a mom and a dad?"
"Nick. I see you've read all the arguments -- ridiculous arguments as I see them -- of the radical militant gay agenda. Of COURSE we don't take away a child that loses a mother or dad -- for some -- or any reason - except if one killed then other! That is a stupid citation. And it was never anyone's intention to accomplish. And I also know that a lot of heterosexual marriage and family situations are less than idea for any child.
"But Nick, all things being equal -- in other words, if there is a perfectly wonderful woman , and a perfectly wonderful man, and a perfectly wonderful heterosexual couple, and a perfectly wonderful homosexual couple -- or any couple that's NOT married - I think that the perfectly wonderful heterosexual couple should be chosen and given priority over all the rest of those perfectly wonderful people."
"But - - in reality, each case is gonna be different. And unfortunately, judges and social workers are not perfect. But still, straight couples should have preference over any of the others, all other things being eqaul. And marriage, as it stands now -- a man and a woman - is a good definition of what it best for a family."
"I think in every other thing, gays and straights should have equal opportunity and rights. But kids rights should come before all others."
"Oh." Said Nick.
"That's it? `Oh' is all you have to say?" I said.
"You've given this a lot more thought than I have. I'll have to think about it." Said Nick. I couldn't ask for more than that. "So, you think that Kian and I should split up, then?"
"What? No! I just think you should talk, about it and decide what you're gonna do."
"But my dad - "
"Excuse me, but - - SCREW your d- no, screw what your dad thinks! I guess you have to decide if your job with your dads company is more important than your relationship with Kian."
"That's not fair!"
"I know. Parents are often trying to force their will on their adult children. It's not fair, but the operative word here is `adult'. And of course if Kian means enough to you that he is more important than your dad, your mom, or your standard of living."
"<sigh!> I love him. I'm willing to sacrifice his fem-ness to retain my family."
" -- and your money." I added.
"You're merciless!" He said, not really kidding.
"Sorry. I promise I'll be the same with your dad. It's a matter of reality. If you admit where it is you stand, you can make a better decision."
"So - - you think I should give up my family and my money for a guy I can love?" Nick agonized.
"I didn't say that. I just said you should be honest with yourself what's important to you. You make your decisions on your own." I replied.
"Geez!" Nick complained again. "I think I'm more screwed up than - - I'm glad that Kian is fitting in more with what my dad feels is `corporate decorum'. But I miss his cute femmy ways. And what's really screwed up is - - I gave him such a bad time about it before. Now that it's gone -- almost -- I really miss it!"
"Does he know you miss it?"
"I doubt it!"
"Does HE miss it?"
"What?"
"Maybe he was doing it all along to impress you." I said.
"But I always acted like I hated it."
"Maybe you're not such a good actor as you think."
"Huh?" I seemed to be losing him.
"Look. There are a lot of people who get who and what we are without us telling them. I can't remember one person whom I have told about myself -- my gay side -- who was like, `WHOA! NOT YOU!' They all knew on some level. They may have been mildly surprised, but when it sunk in it just -- made sense -- or something."
"You mean, even though I complained all the time about Kian's swishiness, he, like, instinctively KNEW I liked it?"
"Something like that."
"And he was doing it just to impress me?" He marveled.
"Maybe."
"That little ass hole! That little fu - " Nick was getting pissed.
"Now wait just a minute!" I interjected. "YOU should be HAPPY that he would be willing to change his whole personality because it was what you wanted. That sounds like some kind of love to me. Think how confused you are making him. He changes to please you and that's not good enough. Then he changes again -- to please you again -- and it's still not good enough."
"Omigod! It's me!"
"What?" I asked.
"I'm the ass hole! What a blind fool I've been. A stupid, selfish, blind fool!"
"So, Nick," I said, "what is it you want?"
"Kian. I want Kian."
"No, more basic than that. What do you want -- what do you rally want -- in a guy -- even if it was not Kian. "What do you want?"
He buried his face in his hands. "I -- I -- don't know! I thought I did! Now I'm all screwed up!" He pulled up to the gate and it opened automatically. He drove into the garage. I looked in the back seat. Gus was asleep.
"I guess we put my sweetie to sleep." I giggled. He closed the garage door. It was completely dark.
"That was a cute little giggle." He said as I felt his lips press into mine. Instinctively my mouth opened and his tongue went in.
"No!" I said, struggling to move away, but I was already to the door.
"Wha -- what?" Said Gus, startled out of his sleep. In the dark I felt Nick spring back to his own side of the car.
"I'm sorry!" said Nick.
"Way cool garage!" Gus said.
"What are you talking about?" I said. "It's dark in here." By their silence, I figured out it was not dark. I shook my head and rubbed my eye. "Whew! I must have been more tired than I thought!" I said as the light seemed to grow from nothing to bright.
"Are you okay, Babe?" Gus worried.
"Seems to be okay now." I blew it off. I looked at Nick. He was red and looked like he wished he could crawl in a hole. Nothing more was said about it.
Gus sprang out his door and opened mine. He gave me his hand to help me out if the big Hummer. "Gus! I'm fine!"
"You sure?" He almost whined.
I reached in and grabbed our suitcase. He tried to take it. "I got it, Gus!" I said, defensively.
"Sorry." He said, half dejectedly. All of a sudden something drained out of me. It was like I gave myself a shot of adrenaline and then lost it. I half collapsed on the side of the big black car. I handed the suitcase to Gus.
"I am pretty tired." I yawned. "Does your dad know we will be here this weekend.?"
"Yeah, and I'm sure he's waiting anxiously. But if you're too tired, you can go right to bed. You're suite is ready."
"Well, I have to say hi, anyway." I said.
We walked in the service door and into the living room. Howard got up from reading his newspaper in an easy chair and strode to me. I extended my hand. He waved it away and almost snatched me into a hug. I felt light headed and the next thing I knew I was lying on the floor, and there was a guy shining a light into my eye.
I looked him in the eye. "Did I fall or something?" I asked weakly.
"Not exactly, Cole." Said Howard. "You were in my arms and passed out. How do you feel?"
"You mean besides foolish?" I started to rise.
"Not so fast there, son." The old doctor said. I collapsed back down. "No, I mean, you can get up, but take it slow."
"Doc Salvatore was staying here. He was only a minute away." Howard said. I rolled over onto my knees and slowly stood.
"How did that feel?" Said Doc Salvatore. "Head rush?"
"Not particularly." I said. "I'm okay, just n - "
"Cole had a very long day yesterday. He's supposed to get more rest than he has gotten in the last week."
"Gus, I'm - " I felt like a fool!
"You're going to bed! Where are we staying this trip, Mr. Poole?" Gus never really was comfortable calling him Howard.
"Gus is right, Cole." Howard averred. "Nick, please show the guys up to their rooms. Make sure that Mollie has clean towels in the bathrooms."
"I just want to soak in the tub for awhile before I go to bed." I said.
"I don't advise it." Doc Salvatore said. "A hot shower would be better. You don't want to fall asleep in the tub."
"I can stay with him. He'll be safe." Gus said.
Damn! I HATE being the wimpy center of attention!
"Still, a shower would be better. I'm sure you would be happy to support your brother in the shower too - - right?" He winked at Gus. Gus grinned and him and then at me.
"C'mon, `Brother', Let's get you some rest." Both Gus and Nick took one of my arms and walked me to our room. It was all I could do to hold it together until Nick was gone. As soon as the door closed, I lost it. I sat on the bed with my hands on my face and started crying like a stupid baby. Even in front of my sweetheart, I felt like an idiot, but I was just so tired and -- weak -- I couldn't help myself.
Gus sat at my knees and hugged my legs and started to cry too. "Oh. My sweet Cole! Baby, I had no idea you were so exhausted."
Amidst sobs I said, "I didn't either. Gus I was so scared when everything went black! What's going on?"
"Well, that old doctor said that you are okay. You just need some rest." Gus lifted my legs up onto the bed. I was vaguely aware that he took my clothes off. I dimly remember thinking about the hot shower, then all I remember was Gus's face next to mine, and his warm body felt like a drug to my soul.
The next thing I knew we were floating somewhere I didn't recognize. The colors were brilliant. Our bodies were closely intertwined. I knew it was a dream, because I could see from both eyes. Gus was nuzzling my neck and his wings were covering my body keeping it warm. Warmth was what I craved, and Gus was providing perfection.
"I know what you desire, my son." A voice said. "You will be restored to perfection, but only after your season here." I could not see the source of the voice, but I knew who He was.
"How long will my season here be, Father?" I asked.
"As long as it takes. You challenge will not be physical sight, my beloved son. You challenge will be to accept the love and assistance from your brothers. Be at peace, my son. You will be perfect."
"But I want to know - "
"It's okay. You'll be fine. Cole wake up, Sweetie." Gus gently cooed in my ear. I opened my eye. The dream was nearly gone from my consciousness.
I was dreaming." I said.
"I know. You were moaning something about wanting to know."
"Was I. Oh yeah, I was. He was telling me - - something."
"Who was telling you - - what?"
"I don't remember. But I do remember something. I was flying with an angel. Or maybe floating."
"Really? Cool!"
"Gus -- I think God sent you to be my angel."
"What - - me? An angel?"
"You were my angel in my dream."
"Do you really think God works that way?"
"I remember old Rev. Cogswell telling us once, when I was very young, that God uses people to do his work."
"Is this the old minister that you -- and your parents - were bored with all those years?"
"No, he was before him. He once said that Heaven and Hell were much alike. He said both still had laws and he said hell was like people sitting at a large table loaded with food of every kind, and their arms were tied to the table so that they could never reach their mouth. The people at the table were in an eternal state of starvation.
"The same thing existed in heaven. Well, not quite the same. Everyone was sitting at the same table, their arms tied to the table so they could not reach their mouth. But they were in an eternal state of being well fed -- because they were feeding each other.
"Gus this was when I was only about 5 or 6 years old, but for some reason, it was brought into my memory this morning." I said. "Oh! I remember something else in my dream now! I was told that my challenge would be to accept help from those who love me. It's like the dream. The people in hell were so selfish they would not feed each other and probably would not know how to accept it if someone else tried to feed them."
"I'll be your angel if you'll have me, Cole. But you better know that you are already MY angel! How are you feeling this morning?"
"I feel like a new man!"
"You mean you want to replace me??!!" Gus whined.
"No way! I'M the new man!" I said.
"Yeah, you are!" He said and he kissed me.
Notes: Thank you for all your letters. I am humbled by your love and support. Many of you have expressed hope that Cole doesn't lose his sight. All I can say is -- me too! But I am only the conduit. As always, Comments may be sent to Steve at stevethomas535@hotmail.com.
Thanks and love, Steve