This is a work of pure fiction, based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of Characters:
Cole Alexander Stephanson IV -- Our hero Jazz -- Coles oldest brother
Rod -- Coles middle brother
Igor -- Cole's Tutoring Pupil
Cole Alexander Stephanson III -- Coles Dad Ethyl Stephanson -- Cole's mom
Rex -- Rod's best friend
From Chapter 2:
I woke up and went into the bathroom. When I got back, he was still there. It wasn't a dream. He had moved to the other side of the bed, so I didn't have to climb over him. This time I went back to sleep easily as he pulled me back into our spooning position.
The first thing I was aware of when I woke up was his hand on my chest. He was asleep, but his hand was caressing my chest hairs so gently. I smiled and a surge of energy swept over me and ended up in my groin. As my eyes became adjusted to the morning light, I looked and there beside my bed, was my brother, Rod, staring intently at the scene in front of him.
Chapter 3
I closed my eyes hard, and reopened them, hoping that maybe I was seeing things, or dreaming. He was still there, except there was a slight frown. I made a face and he got up and headed for the door, motioning with his head for me to follow. I slipped as gently out of Iggy's embrace as I could. He didn't wake up, as I tip-toed out to the hall. Rod was waiting in his bedroom doorway. I followed him into his room.
"So - " he started. I immediately felt defensive. "What the hell's going on? Are you - "
I lost my defensiveness as quickly as it appeared. I diverted my eyes to the floor. "I don't know, Roddy."
"You looked like you were enjoying it before you saw me there."
"Roddy, I'm twenty years old. Don't you think I deserve a little more privacy -- or something?"
Ignoring this, he persisted, "Cole - - WERE you enjoying it?" I felt suddenly cold. It was as if a door was opened and a cold wind swept into the room. I didn't want to think about it. "Hey, I didn't mean to put you on the spot, Bro. Really - - I don't care. Anything's cool as far as I'm concerned."
I looked up suspiciously. "Really?" I asked cautiously.
"Really. Cole, did you know that Rex is gay?" Rex was Rod's best friend all through high school.
My head snapped up and my eyes met Rod's. "No SHIT?" I said
"None at all."
"When did you find out about this?" I asked incredulously.
"In 11th grade." He said simply. "He told me one night when he stayed over. Really freaked him out to tell me. I was like, `so?' He cried and cried. He was too good a friend to just drop because of a little thing like that."
"Wow! And you kept his secret all this time, huh?"
"I've never told anyone else. And - - YOU better not either!"
"Don't worry." I answered.
"So -- are you?"
"Roddy, I'm so confused, I don't know what to think. I just don't know. And - - it isn't a `little thing', as you mentioned a moment ago."
"Huh?"
"You said he was too good a friend to drop because of a `little thing' like that. It's NOT a little thing. It's a big thing. A great big ugly thing."
"Wow, Cole. You're really struggling with this aren't you?"
"Sort of. I haven't had the courage to even think about it -- not directly. Roddy, I KNOW I've had these feelings all my -- well, since puberty at least. I just didn't want to think about them. Don't all guys -- LOOK -- at other guys -- in the showers and -- sometimes -- at the urinal?"
"I suppose so. Ya' gotta see what the competition's got, I guess. Like checking out the enemy's artillery or something."
"So -- did you do that too?"
"Yeah -- everyone does."
"Did he come on to you?" I asked.
"Huh? Oh, you mean Rex? No. That would have ended our friendship. But - - I'm not sure I should be telling you this -- he said he thought you were the cutest guy he ever saw."
I almost threw up. The immediate feeling that coursed through my entire body made my whole groin spasm painfully. I pictured Rex smiling. Rod continued, "But he asked me about you."
"Asked what?"
"He asked if I thought you were gay."
"What did you tell him?"
"I told him fuck no, and to stay away from you. It was the closest we ever came to -- to -- breaking off our friendship."
"I wish I knew -- how I feel -- er -- I mean -- I don't really even know what I mean."
Roddy looked deeply into my eyes. I looked away. He kept looking until I reconnected with him. "Cole -- I'm going to tell you the same thing I told him."
"What?" I asked.
"Well, after the initial shock-n'-awe -- and my warning to keep away from my brother -- I told him that his sexual preference was no concern to me. It's the closest I ever came to telling a guy that I loved him. I didn't, but I said I liked him and I didn't care, as long as he didn't come on to me."
"And -- he never did?" I asked.
"Never."
"Roddy -- you're not going to tell anyone what you saw, are you?"
"Not if you don't want me to. But I think you -- when you figure this out for yourself -- owe it to yourself to tell Mom and Dad. They won't care -- or at least, they won't love you any less. They'll care about it -- sure! I care. I don't want you to have to go through all the shit that gay guys have to. As you said before, it's no little thing."
"I -- don't want you to tell anyone. I'm not ready to admit -- well, even to myself that -- you know. But - - you`re right about one thing. I DID like it."
"What?"
"When I woke up in Iggy's arms. I just have to now sort out why and what my next -- my next -- move -- er that is -- decision will be."
"Please, Cole -- let me know. I'm gonna worry now until you tell me what you -- decided. Thanks for telling me this much."
"I'm going back into my room now. I'll see you at breakfast, k?"
"Sure thing Bro!" Rod said, then added, "Um -- Cole?"
"Huh?"
"Lock your door."
"Thanks, Roddy. I love you!"
"Me too."
I closed my bedroom door behind me and set the little latch that passed as a lock. I looked at Iggy. I couldn't even be sure if he exactly knew how we had been positioned when I woke up. I tip-toed back and crawled in and gently got under the covers. This time Iggy woke up.
"Morning, Cole."
"Morning." I returned his greeting."
"Out for an early morning pee?" He asked, and not waiting for an answer, "Me too. MAN! I gotta pee!"
When he got to the door, it wouldn't open. "Oh! You locked it! Why?"
He undid the latch and didn't wait for my answer. Good thing -- there wasn't any answer! When he returned, his boxers weren't tented out like they were when he left. I wondered if he remembered our conversation last night -- the kiss. It was all I could think of as he stood there mostly naked in front of me. I looked at the door lock. He hadn't latched it. He grabbed his jeans and pulled them on. They were moderately tight. Tight enough that he had to stuff his "stuff" into them before he zipped them up.
"What's on our agenda today?" He asked.
"I have no idea. I'm sure Mom has a nice breakfast planned. She usually does any Saturday, but with Roddy and Jazz here, it won't be a disappointment, I promise."
"But after that - - ?"
"No clue. Just hang out I guess. You got any ideas?"
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK! "Cole -- you up?"
"Almost! Come on in, Roddy."
Rod stepped gingerly into the room, as if he were an intruder. "Mom's almost got breakfast ready -- blintzes with sour cream and fruit -- and scrambled eggs."
"I knew she would make something special with you guys here." I said.
"Hey Cole," Roddy winked at me, "Do you and Ig wanna play doubles with me and Rex?"
I looked at Iggy. "Do you play racquetball?" I asked.
"Not very much, but I can do it a little." Iggy replied.
I was not usually competitive, but when it comes to either of my brothers, I get savage. So do they. We met Rex at the racquetball club, and started playing. Iggy and Rex just pretty much stood and watched as Roddy and I tried to destroy each other. By the time we hit the showers, they just stayed out of our way. We swatted at each other with our towels and even hands, as the rivalry continued in the shower.
It was in the shower that I noticed Rex checking Iggy out. I was rather surprised at the feeling I got from this. I actually felt jealous! This feeling increased as I saw that Iggy was also checking out Rex. Roddy snapped my butt with his finger, and I snapped back with my mouth: "Hey, fucker! Cut it out!' The several other guys there, including Rex and Iggy, stopped all talking, and turned our way.
"Well - - SORRY!" My brother said, sarcastically. I was immediately embarrassed and humiliated. I was sure that all the others could SEE what made me snap at him. Of course they could have no clue that it was the unspoken exchange between Rex and Iggy that raised my ire.
"Sorry, Roddy." I said demurely. "I guess you just kind of caught me -- off guard -- or something." I then felt like crying, but I didn't. But as I washed my face, I let it out a little, when no one could tell. I felt so stupid! I had only met this guy two days ago, and already I was reacting -- strangely at best. Then it hit me. It wasn't only Iggy!
I thought about my reaction to the revelation that Rex was gay -- and not only was he gay -- he was hot on me! That was more exciting to me than I wanted to admit. And these two guys who definitely had my attention -- one of which I had kissed -- my very first kiss -- of a guy -- and now they were checking each other out!
All these thoughts hit me at once, as I was washing my face, and tears were streaming down for no one to see, as the shower immediately washed them away. It also occurred to me that I for the first time in my life confronted the feelings I have had since I could remember. I washed my hair, seemingly oblivious to the other guys. It seemed like hours to me, but they were all still there in the shower with me, so I guess it wasn't.
As I rinsed my hair, I stood facing the others, with me eyes closed and leaned my head back, letting the shower run from the front to the back of my hair. I don't have to tell you that leaning back made my front protrude obviously. I peeked through my closed eyes to see if anyone was watching. By this time, Rex was saying something top Roddy, but Iggy was drilling my genitals with his eyes!
With a sense of triumph, I turned back to the wall, and turned off the water. I shook my head and hair, and again looked back and Iggy was still looking, only now at my butt. This gave a little jolt to my front parts. I grabbed my towel and started to dry off, keeping it close to my body to hide my growing problem. I walked out of the shower. Rex and Roddy were still standing in the shower, talking. Iggy followed me. I wished he wouldn't, but wishes are not always granted.
As we started to get dressed, the embarrassment seemed to put a cold shower to my nether parts. And as if to punctuate the situation, Iggy dried himself in a very seductive way. When he came to between his legs, he put the towel around one leg and drew it back and forth under his balls, drying them and everything at once, but making it all flip gloriously up and down as he pulled the towel back and forth.
I was mesmerized. When I realized I was staring, it was too late. He already had caught me. He smirked. I blushed. Just then Rex and Roddy came around the corner form the shower, each drying off as they walked and talked. Rex saw me standing there stark naked, mouth gaping, red faced, and he smiled and winked. I wanted to crawl into a hole.
Roddy invited Rex over for the day. I cringed at the thought. I was wishing they were not both there at the same time -- Rex and Iggy. It was all so confusing to me. Rex at first declined, and I heaved a sigh of relief. But then Roddy assured him that my mom would not mind -- even that she would be disappointed not to see him. He relented.
Roddy was right about my mom. She was so glad to see Rex! She had a wonderful lunch prepared for us all when we got back. After lunch, Roddy asked if we wanted to play a quieter game. We assented. I was embarrassed for Iggy when my brother suggested we play a Christian-based trivial pursuit type of game. It was one that the family knew quite well, but an outsider was at a disadvantage.
We played it in teams. Rex had played it with us many times before, and he quickly said, Iggy can be my partner! I felt immediately depressed. That left me to team up with Rod. Jazz never had any time for these games. He was more a chess fan, and considered games like this -- too trivial to mess with. He got a book off the shelf and sat in the next room reading. He looked kind of jealous he was missing out on the fun in the other room.
I was distracted both watching Jazz and watching Rex and Iggy, as their heads were closely aligned and they whispered back and forth. Once in awhile it seemed their eyes would meet and linger longer than I thought necessary.
Rex and Iggy won the game. So it seemed Parcheesi was not Iggy's only talent. It was then I remembered it was Iggy who taught me about the myth of the "spilling of the seed" that was perpetrated on us by leaders in the religious world. Iggy knows his stuff when it came to the Bible!
After dinner we all decided to go up to Hollywood to watch the freak show. It had been at least three years since I did this. I didn't remember then that there were so many guys with black eye shadow and multi-studded bodies. They all looked related somehow to Michael Jackson. Jazz was driving, so he chose to stop at a familiar coffee house that he liked. Thankfully there were not so many freaks there.
It was pretty dark as we walked in, but as our eyes got used to the light it was apparent that some of the ghoulish crowd were here as well. One walked up to Rex, right into his space. "Hey, Rex, Sweetheart! How's junior?" It surprised me that a man's voice came from it.
"Get the fuck out of my face!" Rex seethed under his breath, pushing this guy away.
"Hrumph!" The ghoul said, and he slinked away.
"Sorry," Rex said to my brother, "This one went over to the dark side some time ago. It's why I stopped coming here." My brother only nodded. This was not a gay bar, but it was obvious that a lot of gays frequented this establishment. I looked at them in a way I never had before. As I was craning my neck all over, as if I was a tourist in a new town, Iggy excused himself to go the the toilet.
It was then that I noticed that Rex was not sitting with Roddy. I watched Iggy fronm the rear, and as he entered the restroom, he looked both ways, as if he was watching for oncoming cars. I decided to follow.
I don't know what I was looking for, but I looked both ways as I entered too. I guess to see if maybe my brothers were watching. They weren't. There was no one there -- at least in the area I could see. Then I heard it. A slight moan. Then a "shhh". I stepped out quickly for fear they would know it was I in there listening to them.
I almost ran back to my chair. I downed a tall Irish coffee in about two chugs, then asked for another. As I was on my third, Iggy came back. "How's it going?" He asked.
"I may have had too much alcohol -- or too much caffeine -- I'm not sure which."
"Are you okay?" He sounded genuinely concerned.
"I don't want to ruin everyone's evening. I'll be okay."
"I'll take you home if you want." He said. "You look a little pale."
"Naw -- it's okay, really." He still looked worried. I continued. "Um, can I ask you something?"
"Sure!" He looked more worried.
"Last night -- before we went to sleep -- you kissed me -- like I've never been kissed before." I waited for him to acknowledge. I was beginning to wonder if it was my dream.
"Oh! Yeah! I'm sorry -- truly, I am. I guess I got carried away. I'm so sorry."
"Sorry?" I quipped. "Why sorry? Iggy, I liked it -- I LOVED it! More than I wanted to admit last night."
He watched my face as if he were watching for it to explode. His chin and mouth started to quiver. "Well -- I don't know what to -- It was not even mentioned this morning. I got carried away. I was hoping you liked it, but -- I couldn't tell. I mean you seemed to want more, then in the morning, you were like -- it never happened. I didn't know what to think." He paused. I was like a deer in the headlights: stunned. He continued. "Then when you disappeared with your brother I was really worried. Then when your brother's friend showed up -- and was obviouisly gay -- I assumed -- I assumed you guys were trying to hook me up so I would not -- not -- hit on you any more."
I answered, "And that may well have been Roddy's motivation to all of a sudden call Rex -- I don't know. But it wasn't mine. Then -- when I walked into the restroom and heard - - "
"Aw shit! You didn't! Ah -- oh, Cole! That's the last thing I wanted you to -- hear! Oh God! I'm so sorry! I'm so -- so - "
"This has been like a comedy of errors!" I said and then I started laughing. I now was sure it was the alcohol that was affecting me. I couldn't stop laughing -- until I started crying.
My brothers were by now taking notice of me. Jazz jumped up from his chair and almost ran to me. "Cole -- COLE ALEXANDER! What's wrong?"
"I guess I had a little too much to drink, Jazzy." I said, and I started laughing again.
"I better get you home!" Jazz said.
"NO!" I protested. "I'm not going home! That's just stupid! I'm fine!" I then collapsed into another fit of laughter. "I am soooo fine!"
"You really should go home, Cole." He sounded exactly like my dad. I laughed at that, then turned on him. "You're not my dad! You're not my boss!" Then I giggled again.
"Cole?" Iggy said, "Can I take you home?"
I looked up at Iggy and gave him a pained look. "You too?"
Very softly he said, "Cole, I think you maybe ought to let me take you home."
AS drunk as I felt, I definitely heard the "let me" part. I looked at him, almost stumbled into his eyes. And demurely said. "Okay."
I heard Jazz thank Iggy. We had come in two cars -- mine and Jazz's. As we exited the room, I looked back, and saw Rex. He looked a little confused, I think.
AS soon as we were in my car, I chuckled. "Perfect!" I said.
"What?" Iggy said.
"They didn't suspect a thing!" I said and smirked.
"You FAKER!" he said, and he laughed too.
"Well, not totally. I do feel a bit of a buzz. Just enough to get me past my inhibitions! It's weird! I KNOW I'm about to do something I wouldn't otherwise do -- without the booze -- and yet it doesn't matter! Guess I really did want to do it."
"What are you talking about?" Iggy said.
"I just wanted to get you alone. And the alcohol helped me do that. Now it will help me -- feel more comfortable about what we are going to do."
"You mean going to bed?"
"Duh!"
"Cole -- that's all we're doing. Going to bed."
"NO! I want to -- I want you to -- show me -- I want to -- do something! Tonight!"
"Not gonna happen!" in he said in his best George Bush senior impression.
"Aw, c'mon, Iggy! That's not very nice! It's not fair!"
"Cole, it's more than fair. I don't want you to ever say that I took advantage of you. And when -- and if -- we do decide to `do something', as you put it, I want you completely sober and in full control -- so I know it is totally your own rational decision - and you are doing it -- for me."
"Then let's go back to the coffee house!" I said, rebelliously.
He simply leaned over and kissed my lips. I kissed him back with a passion I never felt before. "Home, James?" He asked. I nodded.
He was true to his word. We didn't "do something" -- at least anything new. But we did have a great make out session -- in the bed -- and a good mutual wank! And in the morning? Well, I felt CERTAIN that he respected me!
Notes: What a guy -- that Iggy! Any comments are welcome -- to Steve at s4d@hotmail.com.
Thanks and love, Steve
Bottom line: Love will Rule in the end.