This is a work of pure fiction, based on the author's feelings, beliefs, and in some cases, experience. There may be graphic sexual encounters at times between men, so if this offends you, you are invited to retreat. If you are too young or it is otherwise illegal for you to be reading this kind if story, shame on you for reading it - - please stop here. If not, - - ENJOY!
Cast of Characters:
Cole Alexander Stephanson IV -- Our hero
Jazz -- (Jack Zachary) Coles oldest brother
Diane -- Jazz's wife
Rod -- Coles middle brother
Igor (Iggy) -- Cole's Tutoring Pupil
Cole Alexander Stephanson III -- Coles Dad
Ethyl Stephanson -- Cole's mom
Rex Remlin-- Rod's best friend
Gus Hartwin -- Cole's Boyfriend
Michelle -- Cole's old girlfriend.
Dexter -- Iggy's boyfriend
Ed -- Paramedic
Manolo -- Paramedic
Steve -- Manolo's boyfriend
Randy -- Found Boy
Curtis -- Found boy's brother
Kian Willis-- Friend in Vancouver
Nicolas Poole-- Friend in Vancouver
Howard Poole -- Nicolas's Father
Christian -- the pool guy
From Chapter 23
"Ohmigod that was -- pant pant -- incredible -- pant pant -- and -- pant pant -- did you see Nick and -- pant pant -- Kian?" Gus said.
"No, but I've seen them before." I said. I wasn't as out of breath as Gus was. He was doing most of the work. I felt something on my hand. I looked and Chris was sucking on two of my fingers. When his breathing slowed a bit, Gus said,
"Think that was memorable enough, guys?" We all laughed.
"We are GONNA do that again when you get back!" Said Nick. I was surprised, because he was the least interested in doing this in the first place.
Chapter 24
"You boys got to bed early last night, huh?" Howard said. I froze. My mind was reeling! What had he heard?
"What makes you say that, Dad?" Asked Nick.
"Well, you disappeared early and then we heard your loud disco music rocking the walls. I wondered if I'd have to come up and ask you to turn it down, but then it was off by 10:30. You must have been tired. I figured you would be up half the night, being Cole and Gus's last night." I felt the blood drain out of my face. I guess the music masked the other sounds. "So, did you sleep well, Christian?"
"Y-y-yes sir."
"You could have had your own room, but I figured you would like to be with the other guys."
"It wa-wa-was nice, s-s-sir. I slept in C-cole and Gus's b-bed. It was p-p-plenty big enough." Howard shot a look over at me.
After breakfast, we said our goodbyes. Poor Chris was pretty forlorn. I reminded him that we would be back. I also reminded him to go visit his dads in the cemetery. He nodded understanding. I invited him to come down and visit us too.
Howard's private jet was very cool. And fast! It wasn't supersonic, but it went about 550 mph. That was much faster than most airliners.
"I wonder if Chris will want to come visit us?" Gus said.
"Would that be okay with you?" I asked.
"Yeah." He said too lightly. Then he explained. "I mean, maybe I should be worried. He is obviously so in love with you!" I started to say something but he went on, "Or THINKS he is. No I'm not worried." He saw my less than believing face and said, "Cole, I really don't take you for granted, but I just know that you love me. Am I wrong?"
"No, of course not!" I averred. "I wonder how high we are flying." I said idly -- or at least trying to sound that way."
"My guess is well over 10,000 feet." Gus answered.
"You think?" I said.
"I have no idea, but -- I know there are some mountains that are awfully high. Shasta is 14,000."
I smiled. "What!?" He asked.
My smile got bigger. "Ever heard of `the mile high club'?"
"Cole! You're becoming a real horn dog!" He looked all around. "Do you think we could?"
"As far as I could tell, there is only the pilot -- no crew." I said, as I kissed him on his special place on his neck that always got him going.
"OOOooohhhh! DUDE! Now your turning ME into one!"
"One what?" I asked, knowing exactly what he was saying.
"A HORN DOG!" With that he groped my crotch. My jeans were too tight so he just undid them and groped again.
In seconds our pants were down to our knees. He was sucking me and I was fondling his head and neck. I was cl.ose, but stopped him and I then sucked on him for awhile, and slowly jacked off at the same time. When he was obviously getting close, I jacked myself faster and then he got into position to receive my jizm. We both went off at the same time and sucked each other dry.
Then just as we were kissing each other, we heard, a low, whispered, "Wow!" I nearly choked on our mixed cum and Gus bumped his head on the seat as we got up. "Man I've never seen anything like that before!"
There was the pilot standing in the cockpit door, with his mouth open. "Oh man! Sir, I -- I mean we -- I mean, - oh! Who's flying the plane?"
"Auto pilot."
"Shit!" Gus said. How stupid of us! "Man -- I mean sir -- please don't - "
"No it's okay! I've caught a lot of people doing -- er -- sex here. I just never saw two guys do it. I'm not gay, mind you, but that was hot. Makes me almost wish I was gay! Well, maybe just for 15 minutes!" He shook his head and it continued to his whole body!
That hit me as extremely funny and I started to laugh. "No, really! I can't say I've had that many women do me -- but none was ever as hot as that looked! I've even done 69 with my wife, but -- well, maybe because she's not a guy -- well, anyway - " The he turned red. "I better get back to the controls!"
As he was going back into the cockpit, he said. Hey! Wanna come see what the cockpit looks like? Maybe you'd like to fly her a bit. I'd show you the ropes -- at least so you could steer it a little."
"Really?" Gus said. "I've always wanted to do that!"
There was room for only one of us at a time. So I stood in the doorway -- hanging on while Gus turned us one way then the other. When it was my turn to sit in the co-pilots seat, the pilot said to me, "I just can't get over how that - - looked!"
"When Gus was steering?" I asked.
"No! Back there -- what you guys were doing back there!"
I didn't know what to say, so he kept talking. "I mean -- man, I'd like to try that! I surely would!"
Was he begging us? I wondered. "You -- you want to try getting a bj from a guy -- or giving head to another guy?"
"Can you guys keep a secret?"
"Like there's anyone we could tell!" I replied.
"You could tell Howard!"
"We wouldn't!"
"I've wondered for a long time what it's like to suck - a dick."
"Too bad you're married." Gus said.
"Who told you that?"
"You talked about your wife."
"Divorced."
"Oh!"
"Would you guys want to show ME the ropes? YOUR ropes?"
I looked back at Gus. I could tell he was feeling exactly like I was. This -- well -- hot looking pilot guy just let is drive the plane. Now should we let him -- do as he was asking -- with us? We took so long to answer, he seemed to get that we were uncomfortable with the idea. "Look, I'm sorry I asked. No, I'm not! I'm glad I told you what I did! It feels good to not be in complete secrecy about this. Please, I shouldn't have assumed that you guys were that loose."
"Well, there are a lot of gay guys -- even couples -- who would probably love to take your cherry from you, - um -- what's your name?"
"Boyd."
"Oh no! It ISN'T!" Said Gus. I was clueless.
"Yup! A Boyd dat flies! Whattaya make o' dat, Martha?"
"Do you want to give us your phone number?" I asked. "There is this guy we know that might be willing to -- maybe show you the ropes a little."
He gave us the number. He was excited and scared acting all at once. "I can call anyone from here." He said. "Wanna call your friend now?"
This guy was hot to trot! I gave him Chris's number. He dialed it in, then gave me his head set.
"Hello?" Chris answered, still sounding forlorn.
"Hi Chris! You working?"
"Cole??!!" Wha -- where are you -- w-w-what's all that noise?"
I had gotten used to the jet noise. "Oh! We're on a jet. Chris, the pilot wants to meet you."
"M-meet me? Why?"
"Chris, he is -- um -- kind of curious. He is -- um -- wondering -- if he might be gay."
Boyd's head snapped to my direction, his mouth agape. He mouthed to me, "How did you know that?"
"Just a hunch -- call it gay-dar!" I laughed.
"What?" Said Chris.
"He wants to meet you and -- maybe try some -- um -- stuff."
"Is he th-there -- with y-you?"
"He's flying the plane."
"Can I t-t-talk to him?"
I handed the headset to Boyd, then spied the one in front of me. I put it on and I listened to them talk.
"Hello!" Boyd said. He was not as bold as he was with me.
"H-hello?"
"This is Boyd."
"Oh. This is C - Christian.
"Oh. This is awkward!" Boyd said, and they both laughed.
"Wh -- wh -- what do you want to -- um -- d-d-do you wanna meet - - s-sometime?
"Are you scared? I'm not that scary!" Boyd laughed.
There was silence for a moment. Then Chris said, slowly, "I'm sorry. I kind of stutter -- s-s-sometimes."
"Oh! I'm so embarrassed! I didn't mean to make fun of you!"
"It's o-okay. Well, obviously you have my ph - phone number. Will you c - call me then?"
"I w-w-will!" this time Boyd stuttered. "Oh! Please! I was not -- I mean -- Shit! I guess I'm the one who's scared now!"
"Okay. Can I talk to Cole again?"
"I'm here." I averred.
"Oh! Hey, c-c-call me when you get home - - k?"
"I will, Chris! And -- go to the Cemetery! Bye!"
"Bye Cole! Bye Boyd!" And Chris hung up.
"Well, I said. Who knows where that will go, Boyd?"
"It's k-kinda scary." He laughed.
"Yeah. It always is -- at first."
"Look, I'm sorry I interrupted you guys!" Boyd said.
"Well, you really didn't! And -- I -- um -- think maybe you're kinda glad - - right?" Not waiting for an answer, I continued, "we definitely -- um -- how high were we when - - ?"
"Oh! You're wondering about the mile-high club? No problem. Well over 10,000 feet."
"Sweet!" said Gus! We all laughed.
"Will you guys do one more thing for me?" Boyd asked.
"What?" I asked.
"Just kiss each other again." We complied. It was a long, sweet kiss. "Wow! That really makes me want it even more!"
If he was hinting, we ignored the hint.
He put us down at John Wayne Airport in Orange County. My parents picked us up. Randy was with them. He ran and jumped into my arms, and then leapt from me to Gus. His eyes were glassy, but not one tear rolled down his face. "I missed you guys so much!" He said. "Mom and Dad said you have some new friends up in Canada."
"How's the kiddo?" Gus joked. "Have you talked to Curt lately?"
"Oh yeah. I talk to him about once a week. Enough for me, I guess." Randy said.
"Is it enough for him? I asked.
"Huh?" He said.
"You said that once a week was enough for you. It that enough for Curt?"
"I -- uh -- I dunno -- why?" Randy looked confused.
"Randy, when you first -- called -- Curt, you were hurting a lot. Do you think he isn't hurting -- being so far away from you. I just think you oughta be thinking about someone else -- besides yourself."
Poor Randy looked I had slapped him. "Oh Randy, I'm sorry!" I pleaded. "I didn't mean it to sound so harsh!" I guess I forgot how tender Randy's feelings are. "I've been dealing with a couple guys up in Canada that need to be banged on the head to teach them anything. Well, anyway, Curt may be perfectly happy with talking to you once a week. Why don't you just ask him?"
As dad pulled the car on to the freeway, Randy snuggled under my arm, and between Gus and me. We were all three asleep in minutes. When the car bumped over the curb onto the driveway, we sluggishly woke up long enough to sleep-walk to bed. I was surprised later to awaken to find Randy was between Gus and me in bed. I thought Dad would not let that happen. When I asked him about it the next day, he said,
"I know that you and Gus aren't gonna do anything to hurt Randy. If anything, he needs some closeness in his life right now. And somehow, I can't give that to him." He hesitated a moment and then continued.
"Cole - - ?"
"What's up, Dad?"
"I -- I'm so sorry if I didn't give you the male bonding -- or something -- that you needed when you -- well -- maybe - needed it the most!"
"I don't know what difference it would have made." I said. "I don't really believe that it's genetic, Dad. But I love Gus so much -- I can't imagine being happier than I am at this time in my life."
"That's obvious, Cole. That justifies me for the time being. I hope you will always be as happy.
"I may have to be careful all my life -- and still at sometime I may go blind. I just can't think of anyone else who would take care of me as I know Gus will. And -- when he was hurt up there in Vancouver, I knew that I was forever going to care for him if it was serious."
"I can't say that your mom and I were ever any more dedicated to each other, Cole. I'm proud of you."
"Oh! S'cuse me!" Gus said, bounding in.
"It's okay Gus," Dad said, "We were just discussing how much you guys care and look after each other. Most could take a lesson from you two."
"Thanks Dad!" Gus said. "And thanks for making me your son. You may be the only dad I ever really have.
"I dunno. I think your dad -- your parents -- have come a long way in a short time."
"I know. But I just don't think they have it in them to half understand it as you do."
"I don't pretend to understand it." Dad said.
"I know, Sir, but -- you just love us for whatever you don't get."
"I do Gus. I really do! WE do. Ep is the one that goaded me in to accepting what is. And loving you for your individual selves -- as well as the two of you together." Gus hugged my dad as if he were his little boy, snuggling his face into dad's neck. Dad hugged him back warmly, tousled his hair and squeezed his butt.
"Wow! Tender moment, huh?" Jazz walked in. "Consider yourself lucky, Gus!" Jazz continued. "Dad never was so warm with any of us!"
"Oh Jazz!" Dad exclaimed. "I never knew I should -- or even COULD -- hold my boys back then. Is it too late now?"
"I dunno -- probably." Said Jazz.
Dad beckoned to Jazz. He slowly walked to my dad. He pulled Jazz in to a tight hold -- at first. "Close your eyes, Jazzy." I said. He complied. Then I saw his face go right into the same crook of dad's neck that Gus's had. That seemed to unleash the same reaction that Gus's had. He tousled Jazz's hair and squeezed his butt.
"That was amazing!" Jazz said. And he pulled Dad into an even closer hug -- full body- and he shuddered as he stood there with his eyes glued shut. They both rocked back and forth as their shoulders were getting drenched in each others' tears.
"I'm so glad you walked in when you did, Son." Dad said emotionally. "What an impact a warm hug can have -- among men!" Well, Gus and I weren't just standing there! I left Gus and went to dad and hugged him. That left Gus and Jazz, and the quickly found each others' arms. I know that Gus and Jazz didn't squeeze one another's' butts but -- it felt strange and -- good -- when Dad did mine. I did him back! He actually giggled! So did I!
"You know," I warned, "that we have to do this again when Roddy comes!"
"I can't wait." Dad said. "Maybe we should invite him!"
"I'm not so sure that Rod the big football star will go for it!" I said.
"He will if he thinks he's missing out on something!" Gus said. "I KNOW Rod Stephanson! He'll love it!"
"He will." I said quietly. "He and Rex were pretty close, and I know they used to hug more than they would admit to the other guys. Roddy used to jump when instead of patting his ass on the field, Rex would grab it! But he wasn't angry about it! I used to be jealous of that! But I couldn't say anything. I wonder if anyone else saw those two play grab-ass!"
"Who's playing Grab-ass?" Mom said cheerfully, walking in the doorway. We all immediately looked sheepish.
"Nothing, Ep!" Dad said. "Just guy talk."
Later that evening, I said to Gus after we went to bed, "I guess I wasn't the only one who missed the male bonding with Dad. I wonder why I turned out gay and they didn't."
"Is there supposed to be some relationship?"
"Some say there is. I don't know what to think."
"Maybe it's all a matter of degree. Maybe all of us have -- er -- well, seeds of both hetero and homosexual desires within us." Gus mused.
"I wonder. I know a lot of straight guys who would flatly deny any feeling like this at all."
"Like this?" He said.
"Yeah, you know - -"
"You mean like you're feeling right now?" He said, stroking my forehead.
"God, I love you, Gus!" I said.
"I know. It's written all over you every time I catch you looking at me. I just hope you can see it from me as easily. I know I feel it."
"I can. I'm trying to memorize it."
We never talk about the impending possibility of my blindness, but sometimes we refer to it this way.
"Dad." I whispered. I gently pushed on his shoulder. "Dad?" I was kneeling by his bed.
"Mmm?" He turned over and tried to open his eyes. "Oh! Cole!" He whispered. "Are you okay?"
"Y-yeah. I guess." I responded.
He looked at his clock beside the bed. "It's 3:30, Cole."
"I know."
"Guess you couldn't sleep." He whispered.
"Sorry. I - "
"Shhh. Let's go into the kitchen."
He quietly slipped out of bed and padded to the kitchen. I didn't often see my dad this way. He was in loose fitting boxer type P.J. bottoms and no shirt. He had a light covering of fine hair on his chest, a dark shadow from yesterday's growth of beard. His thin hair was mussed. The slit in his P.J's showed a generous bush of heavy dark hair, and I was momentarily embarrassed to feel the little thrill I felt seeing him like this.
"What's up, son?" he mused, as we sat down to the table.
"Dad -- um -- Gus and I were kind of discussing -- um -- these -- um -- feelings we have for each other - before we went to sleep."
"Yeah, I heard you."
"Huh? Oh!" I was now deeply embarrassed. We had ended our discussion with a pretty ardent session. "Oh, Dad! I'm sorry! I didn't - "
"No, it's okay, Cole. It reminded me of your mom and I years earlier." He smiled appreciatively. HE got up and got us a couple dishes of ice cream. I couldn't help staring at that slit!
"Gus went to sleep right after." I said
"Guess Gus was doing most of the work, huh?"
My face was burning, and I was already fighting a losing battle with the growing problem in my boxers.
"Dad, you still are having trouble dealing with Gus and me - - aren't you?"
"Cole, I'm trying to -- um -- understand -- I really am! I love you more than I can explain -- more than maybe you know. I'd die for you, son." I felt a cold piercing feeling when he said that. "I hope that I didn't have too much to do with -- I mean -- that I didn't cause you to - "
"I don't believe that stuff about - "
"But it's possible." He said.
"Gus was saying that maybe we all have seeds of both hetero and homo in us."
"That's what I mean son. I mean, if you could choose, would you choose to be -- this way?"
"That's a hard question, Dad. The way I feel about Gus -- now -- I just don't want to live without him."
"Now that I can understand! I feel the same about your mother. But I feel the same about you too Cole. And Rod and Jazz! And if -- if Gus is right -- or if his idea is -- then what we as your parents have done must have some -- um -- some bearing on what you are today -- mustn't it?"
"Maybe. Dad - - have you ever felt anything -- um -- like -- um -- this - - for another guy?"
Dad looked at me for an extended time. "The truth, Dad. We were wondering if -- well, if all guys felt this way -- somewhat."
"Cole, I'm trying to remember. I know I felt something when I was 10 or 11 for one -- or maybe a few of the guys in the neighborhood. I suppose everyone did. But - - no one admitted it. Well, except Marty and I were -- um -- well, we experimented a bit."
"What? You and Uncle Marty?" I said, amazed. "Uncle" Marty was my dad's childhood friend.
"Yeah. I suppose years of what we did could not really be called experimenting after the first few times. But we never talked about it -- or discussed our feelings about it. We just did it -- as often as we could!"
"Dad!" I exclaimed. Dad turned red. I was afraid that I had embarrassed him too much. Then he continued.
"We stopped when we got into junior high. We never talked about it again. Well, we really never talked about it even then. We just - - did it."
"Did what? What was it you did?"
"We -- um -- well, we started -- I think at about 9 years old -- I don't know who did it first, but we started to touch each other."
"Touch each other." I echoed.
"I think it was the summer after 4th grade. We spent a lot of nights in a 2-man tent in his back yard. Lots of boys did that. I suspect that lots of boys did what we did too."
"Mm-hmm." I waited for him to go on. I was kind of embarrassed, but amazed and felt a surge of love that I never knew I had for my dad.
"Well, we touched each other. I never wondered what it would feel like to be touched by another guy. It was exciting, as I remember. When he touched me, I can remember my little tiny dingus getting hard almost immediately. We both giggled. He then played with mine til it started feeling funny and I pulled away. I didn't know then that you could keep going and not die!" He laughed.
"Was that all you did?"
"Um -- well -- no." He looked down for a long time, then said, "One of us -- I really can't remember who was first -- sucked the other. After that, that was mostly what we did. But whenever it would start to feel funny, we stopped. It was scary! It felt good -- and we wanted it -- but we were both too scared to keep going after the start of those little dry orgasms."
I was mesmerized. To have my dad telling me all this! "Well, when -- er -- when did you figure it out?"
"Figure -- what -- out?"
"Hah! That it wouldn't kill you!?" I was almost giddy by this time.
"Oh!" He said. "Well, that wasn't with Marty!"
"Found that one on your own huh?"
"No"
"There was another?"
"Actually a couple others. "Stefan lived around the corner and we did it too."
"Dad - - I never did anything like that! I wanted to, but - "
"The opportunity never came up."
"Yeah! But it `came up' three times for you?"
"Actually more." He said raising his eyebrows.
"DAD!" I said giggling.
"I wasn't shy like you were, Cole. Stef and I did it in his bedroom. He had bunk beds. We never used the bottom one. Stef was not circumcised."
"Really? What was that like?"
"Smelled funny!"
"Smelled?"
"Yeah. Under the foreskin. Not a bad smell, but -- it got to smelling good as I remember. And tasted good -- and strong! It's like a combination of urine and dead skin cells and whatever natural lube that nature provides. It was a very distinct smell -- good -- and I can still almost remember it!"
"Wow!"
"Stef and I came close to actually putting it in our bums! We didn't probably because we were too small, and we didn't know about lubrication."
"Have you ever told anyone else -- about this?"
"No! After puberty, I tried to forget it! I don't think of it often. I do whenever I see Marty, but even then I can pretty much put it away from my mind."
Do you ever see Stefan?"
"Naw. He moved to Canada. Talked to him a few years ago."
"What -- er -- who else did you play with?"
"Heh! Let me tell you about when I first learned it wouldn't kill me!" Dad was really getting in to this! I'm guessing not many dads have ever done a sex talk with their sons like this one!
"It was a kid that I never knew too well. He lived at the end of the street. His name was Gomer."
"Gomer!?"
"Yup. We just happened to walk home together after school one day in the 6th grade. As most little boys do, we got to talking about it and - "
"About what?"
"Sex, mastur -- er - Jacking off -- stuff like that."
"I never did."
"You never masturbated?"
"NO! I never talked about it! I thought I was the only one who did it!"
"Oh! Sorry about that, Cole. I probably should have talked to you about it. Anyway, by the time we got home, we decided to go down to his house and do each other."
"Suck?" I said.
"No. We both said we were afraid to go further than the beginning of our orgasm. We decided to let each other do it till it was over."
"Hah! Guess you didn't die!" I joked.
"No indeed! After that, it was hard to find me any time alone that I was not stroking myself! At least for awhile."
"Man!"
"Yeah. I think when it started to get messy was when I slowed down."
"Oh!" Somehow the picture in my mind of my dad "getting messy" was a bit much for me. I felt a little squirt of precum edging up my shaft. I pulled in closer to the table.
"Anyway that was the last time as a prepubescent that I did anything with the guys."
"Oh? Did you do something after puberty?"
"Once. A circle jerk -- most of the guys in the neighborhood gathered at Marty's after school one day. To see who could cum the first."
"No SHIT?" I said before I could stop it!
"Nope! Just cum!" He said laughing.
"Did you cum first?"
"Can't remember who came first."
"You woulda remembered if it was you!"
"Probably. What everyone there remembered was that the Mexican kid that lived between Marty and me hit the ceiling!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yup! He was uncut too, and by far was the largest of us all. He was just one year older, but he was fully mature sexually. We were all quite impressed."
"Uncut, huh?"
"Yeah, and it was almost black. Lighter under the skin. But when he jacked off, he used his foreskin -- well, pretty much like we all do -- but there's so much more of it!"
"I wouldn't know. I'm cut pretty close."
"Oh! Well, I hope that hasn't been a problem."
"No. but I always have to -- er - had to -- er -- well, it takes lube!"
"Well, anyway, Manuel was pretty impressive to the rest of us barely pubescent boys."
"No one touched anyone else?"
"Nope. That was the last time I ever saw another guy."
"Not even in the shower in gym?"
"I meant saw another guy -- do -- that -- or cum -- or anything!"
"You never wanted to?"
"I may have -- especially after seeing Manuel -- but that passed or I repressed it."
"Wow!"
"What?" Dad asked."
"I never expected to have a talk like this!"
"Me neither! And you, know what, Cole? I'm glad we did. I forgot the feelings I had, but they kind of came back. It kind of helps me understand a little what you must feel -- for Gus. Did it answer any questions for you?"
"Dang, Dad! I never had any questions!"
"You DID wake me up!"
"Oh! Yeah! I was just wondering about if all guys have the potential. I was also wondering if -- if I -- or Gus -- will grow out of this -- like after we're 30 or something."
"I can't answer that, Cole. Somehow I doubt it. I never wanted to go back after I -- er -- made my choice."
"Your `choice'?"
"Never thought about it much, Son, but the feelings I felt tonight -- telling you these things -- I realize that it was kind of a choice. I LIKED what I was doing with Marty -- and Stef -- and even Gomer -- and even that last time. I remember now how I wanted more, but -- never DID more. I wonder how many boys have had to make that choice."
"Dad," I started, "I'll die of Gus decides he doesn't want this any more, sometime."
"No you won't, Cole. But it would hurt -- a lot. But you know that Mom and I are always here for you son."
"I love you, Dad!"
"Love you too, Son. Shall we go back to bed?"
"Night, Dad." I kissed him on his neck.
When I slipped back into bed, "Where you been?" Gus asked.
"Nowhere. Just talking to my dad."
" `Bout what?"
"Nothin'."
Notes: Yeah, that was an exact recounting of my own preadolescent experience. And yeah, like Cole's dad, I never did anything after puberty except that one circle jerk with the guys. Unlike Cole's dad, I wanted it more than I can tell! But if you've read this far, I'm sure you understand! Thanks and love, Steve