Closet Case

This isn't a hot sex story. There are sexual scenes, but I prefer to develop characters, motivations, and story lines. As hard as I try, nothing gets tied up into pretty little packages; this story is more like real life. Consequently, if you're looking to get all hot and bothered, you are going to have to do a lot of reading just to get to those few scenes. Maybe I'll get into writing that kind of stuff some day, but right now I have this need to be extremely verbose. Sorry.

With that said, this story is based on a few things that happened to me, but most of it comes from my imagination. Names and locations have been changed and nothing ever went as far as I have taken it here. I wish my real life was as much fun as my imagination.

This story belongs to me, Writer_Now@hotmail.com, and is copyrighted 1998. Feel free to pass the story along but please keep this header information with the body of the story. August, 1998

Closet Case by Writer_Now@hotmail.com

Yeah, I'm gay. A flaming homosexual. A cocksucking faggot. If you want to know the truth, I am addicted by the sight of naked male bodies; just the thought of a locker room or nude beach is enough to get me hard. I like it; I figure I am lucky to be the way I am. I mean, I think of the poor hets who have to get off looking at pictures of plastic women posed like whores for overpriced magazines. Me, all I gotta to do is go down to the college pool and take a long shower. I get more than my share of mind pictures for future jackoff sessions.

I am not particularly picky about the men I look at. The young, almost hairless guys turn me on the most, but I like to think about how I wouldn't mind turning on the guys in their thirties and forties if I came on to them. Okay, I don't like humongously fat dudes. I figure that if a guy wants it enough, he's gotta put some effort into it. On the other hand, most guys put on a couple of pounds as they get older. I figure it will happen to me, so it's no big deal.

I haven't always been open about my likes and dislikes. Shit, I am still in the closet to most of the people I know. This little college town is just too small for me to make that kind of move. I guess it has something to do with the way I was brought up. My parents aren't homophobes or anything, but they are uncomfortable with anything that has to do with sex. They had a maid who clothed and bathed me when I was a baby and as soon as I was old enough, they made sure that I took care of all that myself. Being so sheltered, I never even knew the word gay meant anything more than happy and carefree.

It wasn't until middle school showers that I even saw anybody naked. I went to an all-boys private day school in those days and they forced us to take showers after sports. I was really nervous about this. My family taught me that showing myself to anybody else was shameful and suddenly I was being forced by the coaches to take all my clothes off.

It was kinda embarassing, to tell you the truth. You see, the coaches were also our teachers in regular classes during the rest of the school day and they shared the locker room and showers with us. I also was considered super-smart so I had skipped a grade. Being a sixth grader and a year younger than my classmates, I used to hate to have to expose myself to the other guys and especially my teachers. My science teacher, Mr. Wilhelm, had the locker next to mine and I used to turn red from embarassment every time I stripped out of my gym clothes after an hour of soccer, knowing he could see my undeveloped body. Luckily I wasn't the only underdeveloped kid in the class. My best friend, P.J. who had a locker nearby, was just as scrawny and hairless as I was.

Mr. Wilhelm was nothing like us. To my inexperienced eyes he was big and hairy, although I realize now that he was really pretty average. But it was this science teacher who I credit for sparking my interest in other guys. He was in his twenties and had a pretty trim body that I thought was really handsome.

At first I used to race through the mandatory shower to avoid being seen, but every once in a while Mr. Wilhelm would stop me to ask a question or comment on my classwork.

"Hi Zack," he said to me one day as I was racing to get myself wet enough to pass inspection. "Did you understand the experiment we did today?"

I was trapped. I couldn't just ignore the question. I mean, he was my teacher and all and I was always polite to my teachers.

"Yeah, I think so. We can calculate the weight of the smoke and gases by weighing wood splints before burning and afterward. Subtract the weight of the ashes from the original weight of the splints and you've got the weight of the gases. Right?"

I looked up at him with an expectant face; I knew I answered it right. He smiled down at me. "Almost! Don't forget that we call it mass, not weight."

Fuck! I realized that I was talking to him like we had run into each other in the halls or something. But here he was naked, rubbing soap into his hairy armpits and he didn't seem to care that I could see his dick or anything. Yeah, I looked at it. I had sneaked a peak as I hurried into the showers when he was washing his hair. The cut dick seemed enormous, even though it was soft as it lay between his sagging balls. He had a dense bush of dark blond ahir that always seemed to catch the soap suds as they dripped down his body. I can still picture his package moving back and forth like a pendulum as he scrubbed his hair.

"Oh yeah. Weight's the measurement of the force of gravity on the object and mass never changes, no matter how much gravity there is." I knew that was the answer he wanted. I was always a good student, sucking up to my teachers. But now I was doing it naked and embarassed so I wanted it to stop there. I quickly retreated to the safety of my towel and was dressed before Mr. Wilhelm even came out of the shower room.

During those first weeks in middle school, I noticed my friend P.J. didn't have the problems I did. He was just as undeveloped as I was, but he didn't mind getting naked in front of the other guys and teachers. Lots of times I would go into the shower room and find P.J. already there, relaxing in the warm water and joking away with Mr. Wilhelm like they had run into each other at the mall or something; the two of them were always laughing. Okay, yeah, I used to look at P.J.'s equipment, too. His dick was only a couple of inches long and he was hairless like me. It was pink and rested against his ballsac. Like all of the rest of us, he was circumsized. I remember thinking that his dick looked like a miniature version of Mr. Wilhelm's; when he washed his hair, it swayed back and forth just like a smaller version of my teacher's penis. To tell the truth, I was kinda jealous that Mr. Wilhelm and P.J. could talk and laugh together in the showers. I felt left out.

One night, after a dance with our sister school, I was sleeping over at P.J.'s house. It was pretty late and P.J. and I were still high from all the Pepsi we drank at the dance. His mother had gone to bed and his sisters were at friends' houses. We were watching Trading Places on cable TV. P.J. had taken his clothes off right after coming home and was sitting around in his white briefs. I thought it was kinda strange since in my house nobody ever risked being caught that way but, I figured things were different with his family. To tell you the truth, it kinda turned me on to see his smooth, tanned body almost naked with that small bulge in his underwear. I tried not to look at his body, though.

"Mr. Wilhelm's pretty cool, isn't he?" P.J. said during a commercial.

"Yeah he is. I hardly notice I am learning in his class."

"But he sucks as a soccer coach, though, Zack!," laughed my friend. "He doesn't even yell when the defense doesn't stay between the goal and the ball."

"I don't mind. I like it that he's so nice. It doesn't make me nervous playing. I think I would suck at soccer even worse if I had Mr. Stark as a coach. He yells all the time. And he smells!"

We laughed at this as the commercials ended and the movie started up again. Mr. Stark was our history teacher and loved sports. He was always outside with us, playing games and trying to be our friends during the breaks. He smelled like the socks I had forgotten at the bottom of my locker, though.

We resumed our talking during the next commercial.

"He's got a small dick, don't you think?" P.J. said out of the blue.

"Who? Mr. Stark?"

"No," he said. "Mr. Stark never gets naked. That's why he smells. He never takes a shower. I was talking about Mr. Wilhelm. He's got a small dick."

"I thought it was pretty big," I replied. I was kinda uncomfortable talking about this kind of stuff. I never talked about cocks and things with any of my other friends and certainly not my family!

"No, he's tiny! You oughta take longer showers and wait until the seventh graders come in. Most of those guys are way bigger and they're just kids."

I didn't say anything. I wasn't about to admit that I was uncomfortable being naked or even talking about it. We went to bed after the movie. I stripped down to my underwear before getting into my bed, but turned away from my friend when I pulled down my jeans. I just couldn't bring myself to be as comfortable as P.J. with near nudity.

I thought about our conversation as I waited to fall asleep in the strange surroundings. My friend felt free to lie around in his underwear at home, even though his mother might come down at any moment. He talked about dicks and things but never seemed embarassed or afraid that I might think he was a fag or anything. As I thought about the strange feelings I had about this, I came to realize that maybe I was the one who was strange. I mean, perhaps it was my family that was different.

The next week in school I decided to try to spend more time in the showers. I figured that I was the one who was different. I had never noticed that most of the other guys weren't embarassed. They came and went and didn't bother to hide themselves. They didn't act sexual and all that, but at the same time, they didn't try to hide anything. I guess I thought I was weird because I was so embarassed so I tried to be more like the other guys.

In the shower Mr. Wilhelm began telling P.J. and me stories about when he was in school and was on the swim team. This interested me because I was gonna start with the town swim team right after Christmas. Maybe he could tell me more about being a good swimmer.

"After the meets we used to come back to school to shower before going out to eat," my coach was saying. "We had this big, long shower room and we would clog the drains and run around naked kicking water into each other's faces. Afterwards all thirty of us would go out to an all-you-can-eat restaurant after that. The place probably went out of business after all of us active teenagers ate up all their food."

We laughed at this politely as he started to shampoo his hair. When Mr. Wilhelm's head was covered with lather and his eyes were closed, P.J. tapped me lightly on my shoulder. He pointed quickly at the teacher's dick and indicated a space of two inches with his thumb and forefinger. I burst out laughing at his silent comment.

"What are you two laughing at?" Mr Wilhelm grinned at us.

"Nothing much," I giggled.

"I just reminded Zack about a small joke," P.J. said with a straight expression. We both then broke out laughing hysterically.

Mr. Wilhelm just looked at us with a dumb expression. I think he knew we were making fun of him, but he just smiled down at us. I think that's why we all liked him. He allowed us to act like kids around him, but he never let it get to him like some of the other teachers. Mr. Stark tried to be our friends, but Mr. Wilhelm just was friendly and allowed us to have secrets.

I managed to hang around in the shower room a lot longer that day. I pretended that I was perfectly comfortable showing my undeveloped body, hoping that maybe I could learn to be at ease like P.J. and Mr. Wilhelm. Just as I was finishing up my shower, the seventh graders came into the locker room, whooping it up after a titanic football game. I hung around the showers just a little longer.

P.J. was right. Most of those kids were humongous! Almost all of them had dick hair and at least four inches. They pushed and shoved each other as they entered the showers and their meat jostled back and forth with their movements. I wanted to stay and watch, but I realized that they might laugh at my tiny, hairless equipment. P.J. and I left the showers together and hurried to get dressed before our bus left without us.

That night I got into bed naked. Since I had grown up thinking nudity was a shameful thing, I had never done this before. I remember lying in bed thinking about the showers that day. First to enter my mind was a picture of P.J. soaping his chest as his little pink dick waved back and forth. Then the picture changed to the seventh graders jostling and pushing each other as they came into the showers. They seemed so proud of their nearly man-sized tools. Finally I thought about Mr. Wilhelm as he soaped up his forbidden private parts. I was rock hard as I lay there in bed naked thinking about all these bodies.

I think I was hooked; I never avoided another shower again. In fact, I came to love long, relaxed showers, as long as I had other guys to share them with. I never popped wood or anything, but I really got off looking at the other guys. By the end of fall sports, I could tell each of the guys in my class just by looking at their dicks!

I guess I had always known I was into guys, but I never really throught too much about it. I mean, I didn't know that everybody wasn't just like me. After all, my parents trained me well to avoid any thoughts of sex whatsoever. As I grew older and understood that I was different, I wasn't about to admit I was queer to any of my classmates or teachers. Yeah, an all-boys school seems like it would be a great place for somebody like me, but the opposite was true in some ways.

You see, we were an all boys school and were the object of scorn by the others kids in town. I am sure they were jealous because they weren't smart enough to get into the school, but they showed it in hateful ways. Kids from the local high school would drive by and shout "Faggot!" at us. More than one fight broke out between the public school kids and kids from our school. Usually it was because they insisted we were gay for going to an all boys school. Consequently that put most of the guys on the defensive, going overboard to prove they weren't gay. That made things miserable for me, though. Here I was, a true fag, and I couldn't allow myself to do anything that might divulge my true identity.

---- Chapter II

I spent my school career pretty closeted, admitting it only to myself and some guys I met on the 'Net. That didn't mean I stopped looking in the locker room. Shit, that was about the only way I could get any kind of action, even if it was only in my imagination.

And my imagination worked great for me. I was a late bloomer, particularly 'cause I was a year or so younger than my classmates. Everyday at shower time I would look at the guys around me and form pictures in my head about what it would be like to do naked things with the other guys. Sometimes I would go home and think about Mr. Wilhelm teaching me how to beat off or one of the younger kids asking me to help him learn. But in my homophobic school, I had to keep these things secret. I spent my entire school career in the closet, graduating beefore I turned seventeen, still a virgin.

College looked like it would be no different. My parents had hoped I would get into one of the Ivy League colleges. My grades were good enough, and I was accepted by Cornell and Dartmouth. Unfortunately, my father's business took a nose dive and suddenly he couldn't afford to pay tuition. Don't get me wrong, we weren't suddenly poor; the maid had to go but we still had the big house in Massacusetts and a vacation home near Leesburg, Colorado. But Dad certainly couldn't afford $30,000 a year for four years like we had planned and there was no way in the world I was going to mount up $120,000 in loans to pay back. Nope, I had to settle for the least expensive school available.

That's how I ended up here at Leesburg Mountain College nestled among the peaks of southern Colorado, a region populated by redneck, homophobic cowboys. I was given a given a partial scholarship for swimming. I wasn't that good, but not many guys went out for the team. The coach also managed to get me a work-study job at the big indoor college swimming pool. I shoulda been a lifeguard, but was way to young for that. I wasn't even seventeen yet. So, mostly I cleaned the pool and took care of the chemicals and other maintenance items.

To save my father money, I lived outside of town in my family's vacation home. My parents were a bit reluctant, but I had always acted mature around them. The fact that it wouldn't cost them any money to house me was the best argument. Yeah, at sixteen it was pretty cool having my own house, but it also kept me from knowing the other students the way I would if I lived in the dorms. Since we came to this house for ski vacations as I was growing up, I knew all the neighbors and unfortunately, they all knew my parents and could report back if I was fooling around. I didn't talk much with the neighbors, though. There were a couple of brothers near my age who lived down the dirt road from the house, but since they were in high school I didn't hang with them much. If you want to know the truth, I was fucking lonely most of the time, sitting in my small cottage tucked deep in a canyon above the Gallegos Hot Springs on the valley floor.

In September of my freshman year, the coach asked me if I would help him teach the Leesburg High School Swim Club at the college pool. It was kinda weird, me being a college student and all, while some of the high school kids were way older than me and way more mature, at least in their bodies. Even more strange was that Kevin and Andy Keithley, the neighbor kids, were part of the swim club. Kevin was about ten months younger than me, having just turned 16 and Andy was a high school freshman at 14. I didn't know them too well, other than skiing with them a couple of times during my vacations.

The first swim practice was pretty uneventful. Only three girls showed up but there were fifteen guys. Most of them swam like shit and coach had to work with them. Kevin, Andy, and another guy, Brian, were all way ahead of the others so coach asked me to work with them. The three guys took the far lane and I explained to them about circle swimming, pacing, wind sprints and all of the other things I knew about workouts. It didn't take them long to get really exhausted so I also spent a long time working on their strokes.

We finished by working on starts. They couldn't get the hang of piking before hitting the water so there was more than one belly flop. We were laughing our asses off. Coach had finished with the other swimmers who were on their way to the locker rooms. I finally decided to finish by showing the guys what a real start looked like. I dropped my sweats and took off my shirt as I jumped up onto the starting block dressed in my speedos.

"Okay, I start by bending low and grabbing below the lip here. At the gun I will throw my arms forward, push my body forward with my legs, and sail parallel with the water until the last minute. Then I will pike and my upper body will break the water at a slight angle. Watch this!"

I pushed forward with all my might and extended my arms. I sailed far over the water and made a perfect pike. Upon entering the water I whipped my body slightly and streamlined forward in a long glide. I emerged more than a third of the way down the pool. It was perfect!

Well, it was almost perfect. I forgot only one thing; to tie my suit before I dove in. I guess if I was gonna drop trou, I might as well do it in style. Shit, the suit didn't end up around my knees or ankles. Nope, I was so fucking streamlined, they came right off and lay suspended about thirty feet from where I surfaced. I guess I was caught with my pants down.

Andy, Kevin, and Brian laughed their asses off at this. Luckily nobody else was around. To tell you the truth, skinny dipping in the college pool was pretty cool. I wish I could have done more of it. Since it was time to go, though, I just pulled myself out of the pool, naked as the day I was born, and walked to the locker room. All three of the guys glanced quickly at my dick, but I didn't think much of it. Everybody looks.

Most of the guys in the swim club were just finishing their showers so I was too late to get to know their bodies up close and personal. That would have to wait. On the other hand, I had the brothers, Andy and Kevin, as well as their friend Brian all to myself.

As I was grabbing my towel before heading to the gang shower, coach came in and asked me to close up the pool after we had finished. Since I had the key and had often worked alone in the evenings, this was no big deal to me.

"You've got a key to the pool, Zack?" Andy, my 14 year old blond neighbor asked me as he opened his locker.

"Yeah, I clean the pool a couple of nights a week after everybody leaves."

"I guess that tonight wasn't the first time you've gone bare-assed in the pool then. Fuck, if I had the key, I would be here every night!"

"You're such a pervert, Andy," replied Kevin from down the row of lockers. "Not everybody wants to run around naked all the time like you."

"Fuck you, Kevin! You were the one who stripped naked first on that camping trip. At least I didn't bone up like you did."

I guess the brothers realized at the same time that they had gone just a bit too far in their conversation. Brian was already in the shower so he hadn't heard what they said, but I was standing just a few feet away and I heard it all. I looked from one boy to the other and could see embarassed grins on their faces. They both seemed to be blushing slightly. I laughed nervously.

We walked to the shower room with shampoo and soap in our hands. Brian was in the far corner. His sixteen year old body was average I guess. He was somewhat thin and not too muscular with a small, but dense bush of dark hair above his soft cut dick. His penis was maybe four inches long and rested between his low hanging balls. I noticed he had a dense patch of dark hair in his pits when he reached up to wash the shampoo out of his hair.

I didn't get to watch him for too long, though, since Andy and Kevin were talking to me and I didn't want them to notice me scoping the fresh meat. As soon as the soap was out of his hair, Brian turned off the shower and headed back to the locker room. My years at the boys' school had taught me patience, though, and I knew I would have plenty of chance to look at him over the next couple of months.

Andy and Kevin were a different story, though. It was like they wanted me to stare at their bodies or something. I mean, they were facing me under showerheads on the wall opposite from me and spent a long time soaping up their bodies, paying particular attention to their circumsized cocks and balls sagging in the hot water. Andy kept arching back with his face turned up to the stream of water, his hips jutting forward. As I stared at him, I could just make out a few hairs growing above his small three inch dick. His balls seemed way too large for his body but I figured that he was just starting puberty and the rest of him would catch up. He had a thin, solid body and I could make out the major muscle groups; he was halfway between being a boy and an adolescent.

Kevin, with darker blond hair, was also solid, but not as thin. At 16 years old, his pecs were clearly defined, but not overly muscular. His torso was almost v-shaped and his six-pack was obvious and as he reached up to wash his hair, I could see small tufts of hair in his pits. His dick was was much larger than his brother's with a good amount of hair above it. There was a thin trail that led up to his navel, but his stomach and chest were still hairless.

"Shit! We forgot to call Mom!" shouted the older of the the two boys. "Fuck, we're gonna be stuck outside the building all night waiting for her to come and get us."

"Dipshit! It's gonna be fucking cold out there."

"Fuck you, asshole," Kevin replied. "You could have called her just as easily."

I decided to stop the argument right off. "Hey, will you two cool your jets? I'll give you a ride home. We're going to the same place, you know."

"Cool!" both boys answered in unison.

We continued to shower and both boys continued to exhibit their hot bodies to me while I stored the images in my head for later that night. I think I caught Andy looking at me once; he seemed to be staring right at my equipment. I quickly glanced down to make sure I wasn't popping wood or anything. I had grown a lot since those days in the middle school when I was so embarassed by my hairless package. While not huge, my five inches were pretty repsectable. The dark pubic hair had begun coming in a couple of years ago and while I wasn't a fucking gorilla or anything, I thought the dense bush was pretty neat. For some reason I hadn't grown much hair on the rest of me. Yeah, there was some on my lower legs, but my stomach, chest, and armpits were the same as they had always been. Okay, I admit it, I checked myself out in the mirror almost everyday looking for signs of manliness! Besides, I liked my dark haired looks.

Finally the hot water gave out and we reluctantly left the showers. Was it wishful thinking or did my neighbors really enjoy the shower the same way I did? It seemed too good to be true, but all three of us spent were very slow to dress, taking time to dry ourselves off thoroughly and to dry our hair standing naked under the hairdryers on the wall. Finally, though, it came to an end as we finished dressing.

I made the rounds of the pool building turning out lights and picking up stray towels and pieces of clothing.

Soon the three of us were packed into the cab of my old Toyota pickup truck, headed out of town and up the winding road to our mountain neighborhood. We barely fit onto the small bench seat, with Andy sitting next to me. He joked about me trying to fell him up every time I shifted, and I admit that my faggot imagination contemplated it more than once. Finally out of town and in the dark wilderness, we got to the base of our road and I made the right turn off the pavement and onto the hard-packed, rutted dirt road. Andy craned his neck looking out the window and into the darkness to the left of us.

"Nope," he pronounced. "Nobody there tonight. Damn!"

"What're you talking about?" I asked.

"Just checking to see if anybody's in the hot springs. Sometimes we walk down here and spy on guys balling their chicks out here in the open."

Gallegos Hot Springs were once part of a resort which had burned down almost a hundred years ago. All that remained were the concrete spring-fed baths standing out in the open, several hundred yards off the road in the back-country setting of our little canyon. I had heard rumors that lots of college students would go out to the springs and get naked and all, but whenever I glimpsed anybody there during the day, I couldn't tell if they were wearing clothes or not; the tubs were just too far off the road.

I dropped the boys off at their house, about halfway up the hill and continued on to my own house, a couple hundred yards farther, at the top of the road.

Once in the house, I lit the wood stove to take the chill off the Rocky Mountain night air and went into the kitchen to make a snack before sitting down in front of the TV. The phone startled me. It was Andy asking if I could give him and Kevin a ride home every night.

I readily agreed, not only because the Keithley brothers were hot, but because it would take some of the loneliness out of my life.

That night, as I laid naked in bed waiting to fall asleep, the pictures of the showerroom that I had stored in my head cam flooding back. I could feel my dick harden as I pictured Andy and Kevin across from me, showing me everything they had without even caring about whether I might be looking or not. I reached down with my right hand and lightly stroked the underside of my hardening rod. As I pictured the two, I remembered Andy's comment about Kevin getting a hardon during a camping trip. I closed my eyes and imagined the two of them hiking through the woods wearing only their boots, while Kevin's large cock swayed back and forth as he climbed the trail. I was now pulling on my boner with full force now and I began fantasizing that the three of us might try it sometime. It didn't take me long to get to that final stage where picture after picture popped through my head. I saw Kevin standing naked in the shower, soaping his dick. Then I saw him in the wilderness, still pulling on the thing, but this time boned up.

I saw him alone and then with his brother standing at his side as they matched strokes, their heads thrown back and their eyes closed. Then I saw myself kneeling in front of them as they continued at a faster pace until finnally, with a short wail, both exploded onto my face, neck, and shoulders. Simultaneously, I exploded, depositing creamy liquid onto my chest and stomach. Spurt after spurt erupted from the slit on my dickhead until finally I was spent, panting from the exertion.

Finally, I opened my eyes and stared around the quiet room, suddenly feeling even more lonely than before. I knew it was wishful thinking on my part. The fantasy could never come true. I knew that because while growing up I had become a realist. Nobody around me wanted anything to do with fags, unless it was to bash them. I loved having friends around me so I had to keep the secret to myself. Faggots were hated and despised, especially in this redneck town. There was no way I would ever allow myself to be so hated. No, beating off alone in the bedroom was as close as I would ever get to a gay relationship. Don't get me wrong, though. I didn't hate myself or anything; it was just the opposite, I cared so much about myself that I wasn't about to let myself get hurt by somebody finding out I was queer.

I cleaned myself up and fell into a sound sleep.

---- Chapter III

The pattern had pretty much established itself over the next few days. Each evening after swim practice, the brothers and I would take a long shower together and then close up the pool building before riding home. The guys never mentioned that camping trip again, but it was always in the back of my mind as the two showered, side by side. Sometimes I would let my imagination get the best of me and would start to bone up, but I would turn and hide it before they could see me.

Friday evening came and after swim practice, I was invited to the Kiethley's house.

"Mom's got a date so she's gonna be gone. We'll watch some videos, maybe play some computer games. You wanna stop by?" Andy asked.

"Sure," I replied. "I've got nothing else to do." It wasn't as if I, at sixteen, was the social animal that most college freshmen were supposed to be.

We stopped and picked up a pizza on the way home. Making the right onto the dirt road Andy again craned his neck to look out toward the hot springs.

"Yessss!" he exclaimed. "I see a campfire. Looks like the college kids are gonna be partying tonight!"

"You're such a pervert, Andy!" Kevin said. "I can't believe you get so fucking excited about seeing a bunch of college kids making out."

"Fuck you, Kevin. I know you like it too. We're gonna have to come down later tonight and spy on them. It's gonna be so hot!"

I imagined the three of us hiking down to the springs in the darkness to watch the older kids playing around. I could feel myself boning up again so I quickly throught of other things.

"What games do you guys have?" I asked. We then talked about Quake and Doom and made plans for a tournament. Luckily my boner had died down before I killed the engine of my old Toyota in their driveway.

We settled down in the house. Kevin busied himself getting us drinks while I took the pizza into the family room and turned on the tube. Andy disappeared into the back of the house and after a while I heard a toilet flush in the distance. Kevin and I began devouring the pizza.

"God, I'm so fucking starved! Those workouts are killers," Kevin said as he started his second piece.

"Andy," I shouted. You'd better get your ass in here. Your brother is gonna finish this thing before you get any," I laughed.

"You guys had better save me some if you know what's good for you," Andy called from the back of the house.

Kevin and I conttinued to eat in silence, watching MTV and commenting on the hot babes. Okay, so I wasn't really interested in the girls, but over the years at boys school, I got to be pretty good about pretending to be interested.

Finally I heard Andy making his way down the hall. I looked up as he passed the family room doorway on his way to the kitchen. Was it my imagination or was he naked?

That question was answered fairly quickly as he came into the room, as naked as the day he was born. He sat down on the couch to the right of me, grabbed a piece of pizza, and then leaned back, propping his legs up on the coffe table.

"Put some fucking clothes on you pervert!" Kevin complained from my left.

"Fuck you, asshole. It's my house, too. I can dress any way I want."

"That's not what Mom says. You know she doesn't like it when you run around naked. That's kids stuff."

"Yeah, but Mom's not here. Besides, you run around naked, too," Andy said.

"Shut up, asshole. You know I don't do that like you do. Put some fucking clothes on, you pervert. Zack's here. He doesn't want to see you like that," Kevin argued as if I wasn't there.

To tell the truth, I thought it was really cool, but I wasn't about to admit it. Fuck, here was this hot kid who didn't mind showing his stuff. Who was I to argue? But the two brothers continued to comment back and forth as if I wasn't there. Andy won out eventually, probably by sheer stubborness, and the two boys finally quieted down.

As we watched videos I tried to ignore the boy meat sitting so close to me on my right. I mean, if I popped wood, it woulda shown up since all I was wearing were my cotten sweats over loose fitting boxers. Every once in a while I would shift on the couch and look down quickly. The boy's cute little three incher sat on his huge ball sack, all soft and pink. The few hairs he had looked curly but soft. The rest of his hairless body was as relaxed as that part of him and he was oblivious to the effect he was having on me.

As I felt myself boning up again, I asked about their computer.

The boys led me down the hall to the room they shared. There were twin beds, and two desks as well as a Mac 6500 sitting on a computer table near the door to the bathroom they shared. The booming chimes signalled the computer's startup as Kevin sat down in front of the computer. I looked around the room, trying to avoid staring at Andy's naked body. It was a typical room with posters on the walls, school books scattered on the desks, and dirty clothes all over the floor.

We took turns playing several games. I watched as the two brothers exhibited skills I could never master if I tried a thousand years. They weren't mean about it or anything, though. In fact, Andy stood at my side making suggestions as I sat in the office chair and took my turn. I found it extremely hard to conentrate, though, as his naked hip pressed into my shoulder and in my peripheral vision I could see his penis swaying from side to side as his body unconsciously jerked with each move I made on the screen. I could feel my boner rising again so I was quite relieved when he decided he was thirsty and left to go to the kitchen.

"Sorry about Andy," Kevin said. "I think he gets off on shocking people. Deep down he's a fucking pervert. I think he wants people looking at his fucking dick!"

"Nah, it doesn't bother me," I said. "Fuck, it's not as if I haven't seen him naked before or anything. As long as he doesn't try anything with me, I can handle it!" I joked. I was getting to be pretty good at pretending I was straight. Fuck, I finally had some friends in this town and I wasn't about to lose them.

We alternated watching videos and playing computer games until about 10:30. All the time Andy stayed naked, not caring that I was there to see him. Occasionally I would catch him rubbing his dick and balls, sometimes staring at them as if he had seen them for the first time in his life. Finally we grew tired of the routine and Andy suggested we go down to the hot springs.

"By now they're probably all drunk and will be tired of sitting in the hot water. Let's get down there so we can see 'em balling each other."

There wasn't much else to do se we agreed, but had to wait for Andy to put clothes on. It was way too cold for him to go bare-assed. Finally we made our way slowly down the hill, staying to the dirt road until we were almost to the bottom. Finally we cut into the pine forest and slowly made our way towards the glow of the campfire. Eventually, when we were about fifty feet from the fire, but still in the woods, we stopped and peered out from beind a single, large pinon tree. I could feel the warmth of the brothers' bodies on either side of me.

Andy was right. The party had progressed and the sight of six naked bodies in a semi-circle, illuminated by the glow of the fire, greeted us. In the distance, beyond the fire and the six college students, I could make out the reflection of the rising steam from the hot springs. In the foreground, though, I could see four guys and two girls, all probably eighteen or nineteen. They were roughly facing us while seated on blankets, with beers at their sides. Two of the guys were draping their arms over the shoulders of the girls, rubbing up and down, occasionally reaching to finger the breasts. It's the first time I had ever seen a naked girl live, and if I hadn't already known I was queer, I think I would have figured it out real quick that night. The site repulsed me. Instead, I found myself focusing on the naked bodies of the four guys.

I think it's the first time I had ever seen anybody, other than myself, with a hardon. Granted they were hot for reasons I couldn't understand, but they were fucking naked, with erections, and they didn't even bother hiding it from each other. The girls had begun stroking the legs of the guys next to them, eventually bringing their hands as high as each guy's crotch. The other two guys had begun to rub their own dicks slightly from time to time. I recognized the one who was alone on the right, the blond, as Gary Warren who was on the college swim team with me. Fuck, I was gonna be in trouble next time I saw him in the showers!

"It's gonna be a fucking orgy!" whispered Andy to my left.

"Shh, they're gonna hear you," whispered Kevin in reply.

"Nah, they're too far gone. It's cool," replied Andy.

We continued to watch as the tension built. By now the the two couples were oblivious to their two male friends. I tried not to look, but I was fascinated by reaction of the guys as the girls fingered the two raging hardons. I could hear quiet moaning. Finally, as if on a signal, the two leaned back while the girls mounted them, as if they were horses. With their backs to me, the girls straddled the hips of the two guys and guided themselves down onto the hard shafts. I couldn't take it anymore. It weas fucking disgusting!

Instead I turned my attention on the other two guys. They were separated by the two couples who were fucking on the blankets in full view, so it wasn't like they were together doing anything. But, they didn't try to hide their excitement, either.

I paid particular attention to Gary, my teammate, watching his every move. His eyes were firmly glued to the writhing couples on the blankets, as he knelt close to the fire. His right hand was slowly stroking his long shaft while his left cupped his large ball sack. It was fucking instense as I watched his strokes pick up speed. His stare never left the coupled forms performing in the glow of of the fire. His fist became a blur and I could hear his heavy breathing as he approached orgasm. Finally, with a quiet wail, he let loose shot after shot, covering his thighs and the blanket in front of him. I think I even heard the sizzle of semen hitting the fire. As he knelt there spent, I noticed the firelight casting shadaws on the contours of his muscular swimmer's body. I filed away in my head the picture of him sitting like that, still holding his spent penis.

To the left I could make out the form of the other guy finishing up his job. He was farther back from the fire so I couldn't see as much, but judging from the sound and the motions I could detect, he was having an intense orgasm. The two couples were at that point, too. I could here the guys moaning and short, high-pitched screams from the girls. Finally, it was all over and the six young bodies lay back, gasping for breath. Actually, I was kind of relieved. I really didn't want to see the other two going at it with the girls!

"Let's do it," Andy whispered excitedly.

"Do what?" I asked.

"Whenever we find a bunch of college kids down here fucking, we cheer them," answered Kevin with a stifled giggle.

"They'll fucking pound the shit outa us," I answered. I didn't like the idea at all.

"Nah, they're too fucking drunk to catch us. Besides, you think they're gonna chase us bare-assed through the woods? That could be mighty dangerous!" Andy stood up and pulled on my sweatshirt to bring me to my feet.

"One, two, three, go!"

"Encore, encore!" shouted the two brothers as they started applauding. Since the damage was already done, I joined them in the applause, cheers, and catcalls. I whistled and whooped.

The six naked bodies jumped to their feet, the two girls trying to cover themselves with their arms. I could see the previous woodies deflate on all four guys. Two of them started forward towards us but immediate fell on their faces as they tripped over ruts on the ground. The three of us retreated into the safety of the deeper woods, still cheering and making as much noise as we could. When we were convinced they were not going to follow us, we made our way back to the road and up the hill.

"That was fucking incredible," Andy laughed. "I can't believe they didn't suspect we were there!"

"They fucking knew, dipshit!" Kevin giggled. "That blond kid beating off was here two weeks ago when we caught them. I think he likes being watched!"

The blond kid? Gary Warren? Gary Warren the butterfly stud on the swim team? Fuck! I was going too have to watch him more closely in the showers!

We finally emerged into the clearing occupied by the Keithley house. I said good-bye to the brothers and climbed into my truck for the short ride up the hill to my house. That night I had plenty of jackoff fantasies. Before falling asleep, I began masturbating to the picture of Gary Warren playing with himself in the light of the camp fire. I then saw the almost hairless image of Andy wandering naked everywhere he went. I saw him naked in the Safeway, naked as he swam laps, naked on the ride home, and naked as he and I walked through the woods. I finally came as I began fantasizing about the Keithley brothers and myself wandering through the pine forests above my house.

The next morning, even though I had cum the night before, I found myself waking up with a raging hardon. I think I liked those Saturday morning jackoff sessions most. With the morning sun streaming through the windows, no need to be anywhere, and all alone, I could take my time and enjoy a leisurely experience. That morning I paid close attention to my penis, comparing it to the ones I had seen the night before. I wasn't anywhere near their sizes, but I liked the little guy anyway. Being sixteen, I was still growing and had plenty of time to reach full man-size. Five or six inches erect, my dick poked out of a thick nest of soft, curly dark hair. Nearly hairless, my ball sack churned up and down as I slowly stroked. I had thrown my sheet and blanket back and lay naked on my bed with my feet pulled up slightly and my knees bent outward. My hips moved up and down rhythmically opposite my strokes.

Instead of the pictures of others flashing through my head, now I was getting off to my own body. I watched with fascination as precum emerged from the slit on my pink dickhead. I felt my balls tightening as I increased the speed of my fist on my cock. I closed my eyes then, imagining myself sitting naked outside in a clearing surrounded by the pine forest. With the sun beating down on my body my hand was flying full speed leading me to an orgasm when I heard the applause and cheering of Andy and Kevin from the woods. That was too much for me and I shot the most massive wad of my life, sitting there naked imagining my friends were there watching me.

As my breathing returned to normal, I opened my eyes and found myself back in my bedroom. I wondered about the significance of that particular daydream. I mean, all my life I got off on watching others. Now I was fucking coming at the thought of others watching me!

After cleaning up and eating breakfast, I planned the day ahead of me. It was warm and sunny out, indian summer, and I need to get wood for the winter. Pinon pine was the preferred wood for heating and there were plenty of dead trees and limbs in the hills around my cottage. As I was packing my daypack with lunch, the phone rang. It was Andy asking me what if I had any plans for the day. After I told him, he asked if he could come. I figured that I could get twice as much wood, not to mention I would enjoy having company so I agreed. Five minutes later he was at my door, dressed in a Leesberg Mountain College t-shirt and some tattered levis with holes at the knees.

Together the two of us set out, up the hill to the ridge above my cottage. Our canyon was cut out of national forest land so we weren't trspassing on any private property or anything. When we emerged onto the rocky outcroppings on top we sat down in the sun, sipping water and looking at the distant view of Gallegos Canyon below us. Hot and sweaty after the short climb, we took off our shirts to let the light wind evaporate the sweat off of us. After several minutes, I broke the silence.

"I remember that my middle school science teacher taught us about evaporation, liquid changing to a gas, and how it has coolness as a by-product. He had us dip our fingers in water and wave them around and feel them cool off as they dried. Then we did it again, this time with pure alcohol which dried almost immediately. It made our fingers really cold."

"That's why we're cooling off I guess," replied Andy. "Our sweat is evaporating. Pretty cool, Zack."

We continued to wander around the ridge, now with our shirts off. We found some good dead wood and mentally marked the spots for when we returned. After an hour or so, we found enough wood to take care of the rest of the afternoon of gathering. We stopped at a sunny ledge for lunch and talked a bit about last night and laughed at the reaction of the six people when they discovered we were there. Andy walked over to a large tree and unzipped, pulling his small dick from the fly. He didn't even bother turning away or anything and started peeing, not caring if I was watching or not.

"Cool!" he said.

"What's cool?" I asked.

"Evaporation," he answered. "I can feel the dick sweat turning from liquid to gas on me."

After the yellow stream dwindled to a few drops and then ceased altogether, the young blond startled me by opening his levis wider and then pulling them down to his knees.

"Lots of evaporation. It feels so cool!" he exclaimed.

With that he sat down on the ledge next to me and removed his sneakers and then pulled his pants off. His boxers soon followed and he stood up, naked except for his socks.

"Ah! That's more like it," he laughed. "Now all of me can evaporate."

We sat there like that eating lunch. Me, I was shirtless in my levis and Andy was naked, except for his socks. We talked as if nothing was different at all. I mean, here was this kid sitting next to me stark naked in the hills above my house, and we were talking about video games and MTV! I really wasn't sure what to say to him. Should I notice or react? Fuck, you weren't supposed to go around bare-assed, at least not in public like this, even if we were both boys. At the same time, I liked him like that. I liked being able to look at his body. I liked that he trusted me enough not to worry about me reacting. Good thing he didn't know I was queer! In the end, I decided not to say anything, but to appreciate the show.

After lunch Andy packed his levis and boxers into my daypack and put his sneakers back on. We retraced our path, stopping at the dead trees knocking down limbs and throwng them down the ridge to collect later. I found myself gazing at Andy's young body whenever I was sure he wouldn't notice. Sometimes he would reach way up, grabbing onto limbs trying to force them down, putting his whole body into his efforts. I would gaze at his hairless armpitsand his long slim body, and watch his dick flip up and down as his body bounced. A couple of times we had to hang side by side for particularly stubborn branches. It was all I could do to keep from popping wood as I felt his naked body against my bare, shirtless torso.

In mid-afternoon we took a break. Most of the dead limbs had been snapped off the trees and thrown down the slope towards the house. Andy stood several feet away from me and proceded to pee right there in front of me. He hadn't given me any warning and hadn't grabbed his dick. He just started peeing as we stood there. I didn't say anything but he did.

"Do I have a good body?" he asked.

"Umm, I guess so," I replied. I was startled by this turn in the conversation but I wasn't going to give away my nervousness.

"Do you think I am developed enough for my age? I mean, you and Kevin are so much bigger. I mean, um, your dicks are so big an' hairy an' all."

I looked down at his penis, feeling my own beginning to stir in my pants.

"Umm, I think it's fine. Definitely bigger than mine was at your age," I finally managed to say as I turned away.

"When it's hard it's much bigger. Wanna see?"

"No!" I shouted immediately. I knew things were moving in a direction I wouldn't be able to control if I let it go any farther.

"Shit, your worse than my brother," Andy laughed. "How am I gonna learn anything?"

I think the kid liked to shock me. How else can you explain why he was naked so much around me? I think I saw him naked more than I saw him with clothes on. Now he was talking about showing me his dick all boned up and all. Not that I would mind if he wanted me to see it, but I was sure he was doing it to shock me. I mean, if he found out I was gay, he'd freak. Nope, I would just go along with the game and pretend to be offended.

As we got near my house, we stopped so Andy could put on clothes. He liked being naked and all, but he was smart enough to keep from doing it where people might see him. We gathered up a large canvas, headed up the ridge and loaded it wth dead wood. After dragging it back to the house, we left it in the side yard until I could get to it with my axe. I figured we had gathered enough to keep me warm throughout the fall anyway. I would have to make a lot more trips up into the hills before I had enough for the winter.

The two of us were all hot and sweaty when we had finished. Andy wanted to evaporate some more, but I stifled his desires. I don't think it would do for the neighbors to see him wandering around my yard like that. Instead, we went indoors and got some some lemonade. Sitting on the back porch we talked about nothing at all. A light wind was stirring the tall pines beyond the back yard. The dark blue sky above the ridges was lined with whispy clouds high up.

"I learned from my middle school science teacher that those are called cirrus clouds. They mean that cloudy weather, maybe even rain, is coming," I said.

"You learned a lot from that teacher, I guess," answered Andy.

"Yeah, I guess I did. Funny thing was, I never realized I was learning it. He made it seem like it was normal talk and all."

"What do you mean, normal talk?"

"It's just we would sit in class and be talking about stuff and all and suddenly we learned something. Then when we saw him in the hall he would talk about class and we would remember. And then when he coached us in soccer he would talk about the stuff in class, like cirrus clouds, predicting that we would have indoor sports and stuff. And in the shower he would talk about water condensing..."

"He took showers with you, Zack?" and asked.

"Yeah, all the coaches did in my school. Well, except for Mr. Stark. He went around smelling up the joint!" I laughed.

"That's cool! Our coaches send us to the showers and then sit around the office drinking coffee and eating donuts. I don't think I would want to see them naked anyway, they're all fat and gross and stuff!"

We laughed and sat quietly for a while. Again Andy had brought up the subject of being naked. Was he testing me? Did he suspect I was queer? Shit, he really seemed interested to hear that I took showers with a coach. I figured I had better drop the subject so he didn't suspect. I liked him too much to lose him as a friend. I didn't want to go back to loneliness.

"Don't you get lonely living alone?" he asked.

Could this kid read my mind or something?

"Yeah, sometimes. But, I'm used to it now. Besides, I like being able to do whatever I want whenever I want to do it."

"Like beating off?" he asked with a sly grin. I swear, the kid was reading my mind!

"Kevin's right. You are a pervert! I think that's something you're just gonna have to wonder about," I laughed, giving him a slight shove.

"You're lucky. I wish my mom wasn't home so much. I don't mind Kevin so much, but Mom really doesn't understand about guys. She wants us to be all polite and nice. She doesn't let us wrestle or play fight. She thinks it's going to turn us violent or something. She tried to make us give away our computer games, but we went on strike. She was pissed, but gave in."

"Well," I said, "Next time she wants you to give up the games, you can bring them over here and play on my computer."

"You mean that? Like I can come over anytime I want?"

"Yeah," I answered. "I guess so. But only when I'm home. I told the 'rents that I would take care of the house. They made me promise not to allow anybody here if I wasn't here, too."

"Cool! Well, I guess I gotta get home. Mom gets pissed when I'm not there to set the table."

The boy ran off leaving me to think about dinner. This was the worst part of living alone, having to plan a good meal. Mom had all the neighbors call me all the time to check up on me. They always invited themselves over to make sure I was eating right. Usually they brought a casserole or something so it wasn't so bad. But tonight I had to fend for myself. After a quick shower I made my way down to the kitchen dressed only in my boxers. Living alone did have its advantages.

After dinner I sat down in front of the tube watching the satellite feed from Fenway Park, watching my Red Sox blow another one. It's tough being a Red Sox fan in September. I was startled by a knock on the door. Before I could get up to grab some clothes, the door burst open and Andy came in.

"You scared the shit out of me, Andy! At least you coulda waited until I got to the door. I mean, I coulda been naked or something."

"It's cool, Zack. I've seen you naked before. Fuck, you've seen me naked all the time."

"Yeah, but some people are more modest than you are."

"C'mon it's only me, Zack. I've shown you my stuff, too. Here, I'll get naked right now."

The small blond boy proceded to remove his clothes, despite my protests. When he was naked he plopped down beside me on the couch.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I asked.

"You told me that if Mom banned computer games I could play them over here. Well, she doesn't allow me to get naked at home, so I came over here. It's the same thing."

"It's not the same thing and you know it, Andy. I mean, what if somebody came along and saw you sitting here naked with me. What would they think was happening?"

"It's okay. Everybody knows I like to get naked. Shit, I wandered around the neighborhood without anything on until I was almost eight. I guess that's why Mom doesn't allow it anymore. All the neighbors were complaining. Besides, you're almost naked, too. What would happen if somebody came along and found you like this?"

"Somebody did, asshole. You did! I coulda been doing something embarassing or something," I answered.

"It ain't anything I haven't seen before. We saw those guys last night. I seen Kevin do it a zillion times. It's no big deal."

I swear the guy liked shocking me or something. He reached down and began stroking his dick, staring at it intently. His small cock started to react to his fingers moving slowly up and down the shaft. It began to lengthen in small little jumps and with each hop the wrinkles began to to straighten out. We were both silent as I pretended to be engrossed in the Red Sox game and he played. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"Shit!" we both said simultaneously. Andy furiously grabbed for his clothes as I got up and ran upstairs to find some pants to put over my boxers. If I hadn't been so scared, I think it would have been funny.

"Just a minute," I called over my shoulder. After putting on my seats I ran down and opened the front door. Kevin stood there.

"You're out of breath, dude. You been beating off or something?" he laughed as he entered.

"Nah, I was just running down the stairs," I replied, my face turning red.

"S'up, bro?" Andy asked as he entered the front hall. He was dressed once again.

"Mom wants you home. It was your turn to do the dishes."

"Shit, I forgot." The boy ran out the door. "See you tomorrow, Zack," he shouted as he trotted down the front walk.

I invited Kevin in and we went to the family room to watch the end of the game.

"Andy said that you were teaching him about science today," Kevin said. "It was all he talked about at dinner."

"Teaching him science? Hell, he was helping me collect wood and I told him about a couple of things my science teacher told me years ago. It wasn't anything special."

Kevin replied, "Well, to hear him talk, you are a genius, another Albert Einstein."

That made me feel good. The kid liked me. And I guess I liked him, too. Yeah, he was a pervert running around naked and we had almost got caught, but he was funny and made me laugh. Okay, his body was great, but I liked him for other things, too.

Kevin turned serious all of a sudden.

"Just be careful with him. He's had a tough life. He's kinda fragile, even though he likes to act tough."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Kevin was silent for a couple of seconds and then continued, "It has to do with our dad. I'm not supposed to talk about it. Mom would kill me if she heard me saying this, but Andy was really special to Dad and that's the reason they divorced. She thought they were too close."

I wasn't sure what to say so I stayed silent. What did he mean, too close? All sorts of pictures filled my head, but I quickly turned them off. We sat in silence for a few minutes.

"So, how do you like the swim club?" I finally asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"It's pretty good. It wouldn't be half as fun if you weren't there."

"Thanks," I replied. I didn't know what to say.

"Maybe some time we can stay later and you can coach us a bit more. I really want to work on my 'fly."

"Sure," I said. "Anytime you want. I'd say you need a lot of work on it!"

We laughed a bit and then he got up to leave.

"How 'bout staying late on Monday?" Kevin asked. "Mom makes us do our homework before workout so it's not as if we'll be missing anything."

"Sure," I replied as we reached the front hall. "I'll make sure my work is done, too."

He turned to me as he opened the door. "Zack, be good to Andy. He's fourteen and sometimes he thinks he knows everything. Sometimes he acts like a little kid. He thinks it's his fault that Dad had to leave. I try real hard to be like a dad to him, but I'm his brother. I know you're not much older than me, but do your best."

"Yeah, sure," I replied before I shut the door.

---- Chapter IV

My prediction about the weather had been right. The rains came down hard all Sunday. I contented myself with finishing up school work and watching football. I was lucky to have the satellite dish so I could watch my Patriots rather than the fucking, Broncos which were on the local station.

Monday came and true to my word, I did my school work in the library so I could work with the brothers on their strokes that evening. The guys worked hard as I coached them in their lane. I figured that if we were going to do stroke work, I didn't want to kill them with a tough workout. Finally the other lanes emptied out as the swimmers went to the lockerrooms to shower and head home. I told the coach that I was going to stay and work on strokes with the guys and he agreed, asking me to close up when I finished.

I told Kevin and Andy to get out of the pool to dry off; I wanted to demonstrate the proper butterfly form. As they emerged from the pool in their tiny speedos, I was rewarded with the sight of the soaked, tight nylon caressing every contour of their packages. The cold water had the effect of shinking their privates and it made them seem younger to me.

"Most important is to ignore the kick," I explained. "Everybody who tries to get the double kick ends up putting the kicks in the wrong place, including you guys. If you ignore it, the kicks will autmatically be there."

I showed them the proper porpoising and showed them how the feet come out of the water automatically. After showing them as they watched from above, I invited them into the well at the deep end of the pool with its underwater viewing window where they could see what I was doing underwater. When I finished the demo, both boys climbed out of the well.

"That was so cool! I could see everything from down there," Kevin said excitedly.

"Yeah, we could see everything! Good thing you remembered to tie your suit this time," Andy laughed.

"Well, now it's your turn guys. I wanna see what you can do. Remember, don't try to kick. Just think about porpoising and the rest will take care of itself," I said.

With that I got out of the water as the two boys dove in. I grabbed my towel and dried off a bit and then climbed down into the well. I looked out into the water expecting to see the two boys working on their porpoising but was shocked by the two full moons not more than six inches from the glass. Both boys had their speedos down around their ankles and had bent over, spreading their cheeks with their hands. Both had hairless puckered assholes. The one on the right, Andy, seemed to be expanding and contracting the sphincter as the pucker grew and shrank in front of my eyes. Both boys, out of breath, released their cheeks and kicked to the surface. I climbed out of the well.

"That was fucking, gross!" I shouted at them, pretending to be upset at the sight.

"It was Kevin's idea," Andy shouted up at me.

I could see his cute little dick being refracted by the waves in the clear water. I looked over at Kevin, his slightly bigger penis a bit more visible. "And I suppose you're gonna blame Andy," I said in mock seriousness.

"Nah, I was the pervert this time," Kevin laughed.

"Okay. Now that you've got that out of the way, let's get back to work," I said.

I climbed back down into the well and this time the boys were doing what I had asked them to do. Well, kind of, anyway. Andy had neglected to pull up his speedos and, as a matter of fact, had taken them off altogether. It was fucking hot being able to watch the kid so clearly and to know that he couldn't see me staring at him. I felt kinda guilty when I popped wood in my speedos. I mean, wasn't it perverted to be watching his hairless little dick when I was supposed to be helping him with his stroke? I wanted to drop my suit right there and take my massive five inches in hand, but I figured that the guys would wonder what happened to me and come looking for me. I forced myself to be more professional.

I continued to critique their strokes and they made real improvements. Finally I called it quits for the lesson and we decided to swim a little before getting out and showering.

"God, this feels so cool," Andy said. "Kevin, get naked! You gotta try it."

"What happens if somebody comes in? I don't want to be caught naked in the college pool," Kevin answered.

"Don't worry about it, dude," I told him. Coach has gone home. Nobody's gonna come in."

"Cool!" and with that, the older brother bent over in the water and removed his speedos in one quick movement. He threw them up onto the deck and proceded to swim the length of the pool underwater. "Fuck!" he exclaimed when he broke the surface at the shallow end. "That makes me feel so free!"

I removed my suit and the three of us swam together for another ten minutes. It was then that Kevin got the bright idea to practice dives. He mounted the one meter board and stood at the end of it. From the deep water I looked up at him. He stood there there looking down for a couple of seconds and then started wiggling his hips forward and back in a suggestive manner. His cock bounced up and down. I was fascinated by how free he seemed to be about his nudity. From my angle, he couldn't tell whether I was looking at his penis or past it into his face so I took advantage of the moment watching every move as the head slapped his belly and then fell back down to his tight ball sack.

"Yow!" I heard a high pitched squeak at the other end of the pool.

I looked down to the shallow end where Andy had pulled himself out of the pool, whimpering and laughing at the same time. He was laying on his back, his legs straight out, his toes pointed at me and I could barely make out his tiny dick sticking up above his large balls. "What's wrong, Andy?" I asked.

"Cramp!" he managed to say between whimpers and laughter.

I swam down to the other end and surfaced where I saw his feet dangling in the water. There I was, standing in the shallow end of the pool between Andy's legs, staring past his hairless boy-dick at his pain-tortured face.

"Which muscle?" I asked.

He pointed at his right calf which I noticed was indeed knotted up tightly. I grapbbed the muscle with both hands and began to massage it roughly. Almost immediately I felt the calf relax and the tension disappear from the boy's face. I stopped massaging and instantly the muscle knotted itself again. Again I massaged and the grateful boy laid back with his eyes closed. He couldn't stop laughing, despite the pain.

I couldn't help but notice the boy's equipment as I worked the calf muscle. I mean, this was my first closeup view of anybody's dick. I tried to ignore it, not wanting to bone up, but I couldn't help it. My eyes kept being drawn back to the sight. The cold water had done a number on the boy's balls, contracting the pink sack so they pulled the normally large testicles tightly into his's body. Andy's hairless sack had parallel wrinkles which made it look like it belonged on a boy half his age. His dick had shrunk to about two inches and was sticking straight up in the air. He hadn't popped wood or anything, but I guess the cold water had tightened up everything. I glimpsed the underside of his dick where the shaft met the head marvelled at how interesting the contours and curves were. The boy's few blond pubic hairs were soaked and plastered to the base of the boy-cock. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

"How's he doing?" I heard Kevin asked from behind me. I hadn't noticed him swimming up. Shit, now I had to really concentrate on the calf, hoping Kevin couldn't see the noticeable lump in my speedos.

"Okay, I guess. Andy, how're you doing?"

"I think it's gone now. Shit, it hurt!" he laughed.

I stopped massaging and sure enough, the muscle didn't contract again. The naked boy in front of me was panting heavily from the exersion but sat up. His shockingly blue eyes stared into mine. "Thanks," he said. "I'll be alright now."

We finished up in the pool and shared the showers until the hot water again ran out. I spent that night masturbating to just a single picture in my head, Andy lying naked on the deck with his crotch just inches away from my face.

----Chapter V

A new pattern emerged that week. After the rest of the team and the coach went home, the three of us took the liberty to remove our suits and skinny-dip. I looked forward to each evening and throughts of swimming naked with my friends fueled my twice a day jackoff rituals.

Each night we became a bit more carefree in our play. As soon as coach and the last swimmers left, we removed our suits and had the run of the pool. The horseplay involved into wrestling matches in the pool and more than once I found myself rubbing against my friends' equipment. I don't know how I did it, but I always managed to keep from getting a full-fledged boner. I'm pretty sure that the Keithley brothers never noticed how much I worshipped their bodies.

Friday came and we repeated the previous week's get-together at the Keithley home. As we drove past the hot springs there was another fire burning so I figured we would again make the journey down here later that night. Their mom was on another date so the instant we arrived, Andy stripped down and wandered around the house naked. By this time I was growing somewhat accustomed to seeing him naked so I wasn't that surprised. Don't get me wrong, I was still thrilled to be able to sit down next to the naked boy. Sometimes while we were watching videos he would move in close to me and I ended up feeling his naked hips alongside my body. It was everything I could do just to concentrate on something other than the cute fourteen year old's naked body.

By 10:30 we were tired of watching the tube and playing video games so we figured it was time to go down the hill to the hot springs. Walking silently through the woods, we approached the firelight hoping to catch another group gong at it. This time, though, we saw only two forms. My heart sunk as I thought it was probably some guy there making out with his girl friend. Who wanted to watch that?

Crouching behind the bushy pinon tree, I was pleasantly surprised to see two naked guys, probably about nineteen or twenty, sitting cross-legged, side by side. I was disappointed that my teammate, Gary Warren wasn't one of them. On the other hand, the two dark-haired guys were pretty sexy-looking. Both were thin and muscular. The one on the left, with long hair parted down the middle and falling to his shoulders, had a smooth, hairless chest and stomach, while the guy on the right was buzzed and had a small patch of chest hair between his nipples. With their legs folded in front of them, I couldn't see their dicks or anything. The two passed a joint back and forth between them.

"It's only two guys," Kevin whispered, sounding disappointed. "I guess there's not gonna be much to see tonight."

"Well, let's wait a bit and see. You never know. Somethng might happen," whispered Andy.

"Yeah, but who wants to watch a couple of guys going at it?" Kevin said.

His younger brother answered, "I do. I've never seen it before. I wonder how they do it. What do you think, Zack? Should we stay?"

I wanted to stay and watch, hoping that I would finally find others like me. But at the same time, I didn't want to let my secret out to the brothers. I was enjoying their friendship and didn't want to return to my lonely life on the hill. I was so conflicted between two very real needs in my life. I hesitated and finally decided that we should go back up the hill. I was about to state this when the two guys by the fire started talking.

"That's good weed, bro. I'm fucking stoned!" said the long haired one on the left.

"Yeah, dude. One joint and I'm toasted. "Course, the sixpack sure helped!"

"This stuff makes me so fucking horney, man."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," said the buzz cut guy on the right. "I'm popping wood right now, just sitting here." I could see his hands disappear into the shadows in his lap.

"Fuck, yeah, bro. I gotta take care of this thing." The long haired gay spread his legs out, revealing for the first time his pole sticking up agains his hard stomach.

"Shit, dude, you're not kidding. Is that thing made of steel?" laughed the guy on the right. He reached over to his friend and pulled down on the erect penis and then released it. Immediately it bounced back to the guy's stomach.

The one with the long hair moaned slightly but didn't say anything else. His friend reached over again and fondled the erect organ again. Moaning a little louder, the longer haired guy laid back on the blanket, his head out of site and his legs spread out towards us, his balls glowing in the light of the fire. His friend stretched his legs out at that point and laid on his side perpendicular to the first, resting his head on the guy's stomach. He seemed fascinated by the engorged penis and enclosed his whole hand around the meat. I could the buzz cut guy had a hardon, too, only his was smaller and fatter than his friends and was surrounded by a huge mass of dense, dark pubib hair.

The guy continued to fondle the penis in front of him, first pumping it lightly, then stroking it more deliberately. As the moans grew louder, the buzz cut guy grew more bold. He brought his face close to the long thin erection in front of him and tentatively flicked the cockhead with his tongue. More moans and he appeared to grow braver, tracing the contours of the the penis. His tongue moved down the organ and then back up again until it reached the head where it traced the flared edge before tickling the cleft on the underside. The whole time he was doing this he kept up rhythmic strokes, pumping not just the dick in front of him, but his own as well.

This continued for several minutes and I could see the tension build in both guys. The one on his back lay there and I could see his hips rising and falling as his friend moved his tongue up and down. It was fucking unbelievable as the two went at it right in front of our eyes.

The short haired guy shifted his weight slightly, laying more on his stomach. From that position I couldn't see his fat cock anymore, but I could tell he was getting close to coming because his hips began pumping a mile a minute into his hand below him.

By this time his entire mouth surrounded his friend's dickhead, and I could see him slowly taking more and more of the shaft into his mouth.

Finally his nose was almost in the dark pubic hairs and he pulled back. Again he descended down on the rod, and again he pulled back. With his free hand he stroked the meat of the guy beneathe him each time he came up. His friend's hips began gyrating and pulsing to meet each downward thrust of his mouth. Up and down his head bobbed until the moans from the guy below him signalled orgasm. At that he pulled his head away and the long hair guy erupted, sending volley after volley of sperm into the air and onto the face and short hair of the guy on top.

It was apparent that the guy with the buzz cut was also cumming; his hips had been thrusting into his hand a hundred miles an hour but suddenly stopped as the guy arched his back and thrust his whole body into the blanket below him. He collapsed again, his head resting on his friend's stomach.

The two lay panting there for several minutes. I was so rock hard by this point that I was sure I was gonna cream right in my pants. I was glad it was too dark for my friends to see the bulge. Eventually the pair in front of us got up and headed back, away from the fire towards the steam rising from the hot springs. We took that opportunity to sneak away.

When we got to the road, I asked why we hadn't applauded these guys. I figured that the answer had something to do with being sickened by gay sex or something.

Kevin answered my question. "It's kinda a rule we have. If there are two people, then we leave them alone. More than two, then they expect that at least one person is gonna be watching. So we cheer for groups but leave couples alone."

Andy said, "That was way cool! That guy's dick musta been down past the guy's tonsils! I'm surprised he didn't gag!"

"Didn't it disgust you, seeing two guys doing it?" I asked.

"No way, man! A blow job's a blow job. The way I figure it, guys know better how to give head than chicks. Chicks don't have dicks and don't know what it feels like."

I laughed. "And since you have a dick, then you must know what it feels like."

"Well, no, but I can imagine what it'd be like," Andy giggled back to me.

We got to the boys' house and Andy went in, probably to take his clothes off again. I would have liked to stay to see what he was up to, but I knew that there was no way I could keep myself under control after what we had seen. Kevin stayed outside to talk with me for a few minutes.

"Sorry about that, Zack. Andy's such a fucking pervert, he wants to know everything there is about sex. It doesn't matter if it's guys or girls or humans or animals. If it fucks, he wants to see it," Kevin said to me as we leaned up against my Toyota. "Anyway, I'll make sure that we set a new rule about watching gay guys. Hope you didn't puke when you saw that."

"I'm a big boy now, Kevin. I can't say I would go out of my way to watch two guys," I lied. "But it was something I've never seen before so I learned something."

"So you're not against gays and stuff?"

"Nah," I said. "I figure you are what you are and it's nobody's business one way or another."

"That's cool. There aren't many people like that around here. I swear, the two things people are most scared of in this town is that the government will come in and take over their land, and that gays from all over the world will descend on us fucking everybody up the ass." He sounded bitter.

"Yeah, but I'm from Massachusetts. We're the people who elected Ted Kennedy and Barney Frank. We're fucking bleeding heart liberals," I laughed.

"Can I tell you something private? Promise you won't tell?"

"Yeah," I replied. "You know you can trust me."

"Okay. But you can't tell anybody I told you this, especially not my Mom. She would kill me. But the reason my dad and she divorced is because he's gay. She says she doesn't hate gays and she makes sure that Andy and I show respect to all people, but I think she's uncomfortable with gay people." He sighed and stood silent next to me.

"That must be tough, growing up knowing your dad's like that."

"Nah, he's pretty cool. We spend a couple of weeks every summer with him and his roommate out in San Francisco. It's kinda like having two fathers when we're there."

"Yeah, but you must get tired of your friends making fag jokes around you," I said.

"Well, nobody knows my dad's gay. When they talk about queer bashing and all that, I just tune them out. Pretty much they don't talk about it in front of me anymore. Actually, you're the only person I've told this to. Except for my shrink. Mom's thinks that growing up with a gay father is gonna screw around with my brain or something."

"What about Andy? I mean, you sound pretty good about this. How'd he take it?" I asked.

"He likes to pretend that everything's cool, but I think he's full of shit. Remember I told you that he thinks its his fault that Mom and Dad split?"

I nodded my head, but I don't think he saw it in the dark. He went ahead anyway.

"You gotta really promise on a stack of bibles never to mention this..."

"I told you that you could trust me, Kevin. You're my friend. Probably my best friend." I was getting in pretty deep now. "Besides, who would I tell?"

"Okay, anyway, I was seven when Dad came out to my mom. Andy was only five so he doesn't remember much of it. Anyway, Mom came home one day and found Dad in the shower with Andy. She lost it. Fuck, they weren't doing anything. Dad had always given us showers like that when we were kids, but it was different now. Mom knew he was gay and started yelling at him. She ordered him out of the house and threatened to call the police for molesting us. It was fucking miserable." I could hear Kevin's voice breaking now. "We didn't even get to say good-bye or anything. We didn't see him for two years after that. Now Mom questions us for days after we visit with him, trying to find out if we were molested." He was crying full speed now.

"Fuck, that must have been tough. I thought I had it tough having a dad who was always working and never had time for me."

Kevin composed himself before going on. "Anyway, all that Andy remembers is that Mom started screaming when she found him with Dad naked in the shower. He won't admit it, but he thinks it was his fault. I think that's why he spends so much time running around naked. It's like he's trying to prove that it's not just Dad, but it's everybody. I don't know. Somehow it's twisted in his mind that if he gets naked with everybody then it proves that Dad isn't a pervert or something."

We stood leaning against the car for a long time before Kevin finished. "Anyway, I thought you should know so that you aren't too hard on the kid. He does weird things that lots of people think are perverted. It's his way of taking the blame for Dad or something."

We didn't say anything for several minutes. I could hear the wind whistling softly in the boughs of the pines above us. Then I did something totally out of character. I turned to my friend and put my arms around him, pulling him close to my body. I could feel his warmth as he seemed to collapse in my arms, as if a giant weight had been released from his shoulders.

He whispered into my ear, "Thanks for listening. Sorry about laying all this shit on you."

"Sorry? Sorry for what? In my entire life, nobody has ever felt good enough to confide in me like that. You just made my day. You made my fucking year, Kevin. I've got a fucking best friend! Thanks." I smiled in contentment, holding my friend close. "Don't worry. You'll have to sit and listen to me one of these days when I have to spill my guts."

---- Chapter VI

Saturday dawned bright and sunny. It was almost ten when a furious knocking awoke me. "Alright, just a minute," I shouted from my bed. Fuck, I had been having a great dream all about those two sexy guys we had seen the night before. I didn't want to get out of bed to cover my obvious erection to answer the door. It was probably some Jehovah's Witnesses or somethng.

I didn't have to get up because I heard the front door open and the high pitched voice of my neighbor, Andy. "Zack, you awake? Can I come up?"

I didn't have time to answer before I heard his footsteps tromping up the stairs. I quickly pulled the blnakets over me to hide my stiffy just as he entered my room.

"Shit, Andy, at least you could wait until I answered the door."

"I wasn't sure you heard me so I figured I'd better come in," he grinned at me. "Aren't ya gonna gather wood again today? Can I help again?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna gather wood, but I was gonna wait until dawn at least!" I laughed.

"The sun's been shining for hours," he exclaimed. "C'mon, get outa bed."

"Fuck, Andy. I just wanna lie here for a while. Why don't you come back later?" I really had no desire to let him see my naked hardon so I had to think of some way to get him out. But it was hopeless. Instead of getting the hint, he walked across the room to my computer and soon I heard the familiar chimes of the PowerMac 7500 as it started to boot.

"Andy, sometimes people need to have a little privacy," I tried to explain.

"Oh! I get it. You've popped wood! Cool! That happens to me every morning. And you should see Kevin. I swear, sometimes it comes close to hitting him in the face when he gets out of bed. If you take a whiz, it will go down," he said knowingly.

"Well, if I was alone, I could get up and go to the bathroom," I said, hoping he would take the hint.

"If you were alone, you could do other things to make it go down. Shit, you don't have to be alone for that! Remember the guys last night?" he asked with a smile.

"Yeah, I remember. But I don't think either of us needs it that bad." Actually I needed it worse than that, but I wasn't gonna admit it to the kid. "Listen, Andy. I really gotta take a piss. Can you go downstairs until I"m ready?

"I've seen bigger dicks than yours hard. What're you afraid of? Here, I'll take my clothes off and get hard too...."

"Andy! Go downstairs now! I'll be with you in a minute."

"Oh, okay," he said dejectedly as he walked to the door. "It's not like it's something new to me or anything."

With him finally gone I was able to get up and make a quick pitstop. Thankfully my erection was soon under control and I was able to dress and join the kid in the kitchen.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot," Andy said as I was pouring my Wheaties. "Kevin said he wanted to help us. He said to call when we were ready to go."

"Give him a call now. I'll be finished by the time he gets here."

Ten minutes later the three of us were making our way out the door.

"I'm gonna go naked again!" Andy ran ahead of us and disappeared into the pine forest. When we caught up with him he was completely nude except for his beat up Nikes, his cute penis bouncing up and down as he jumped excitedly. "Feels so cool! C'mon guys, get naked!"

"Maybe later," I smiled. It was beginning to make sense now in some strange way.

"You're such a fucking pervert, Andy," Kevin laughed.

Andy only giggled and handed me his clothes to put in my day pack. After that he scampered up the trail and out of sight again.

The day progressed slowly and as we worked, the temperatures grew almost oppressive. We ate lunch on a ledge under the shade of a towering pine. Even though Kevin and I were down to just our levis, Andy was the only one who seemed oblivious to the heat. Maybe he was on to something. I was regretting my decision to stay clothed. I think Kevin was thinking the same thing.

"It's fucking hot. I'm gonna take these pants off," Kevin said. "Fucking Andy's been running around nude all day, I don't see what's wrong with me going around in my boxers."

I quickly agreed that I saw no problem with it and soon the two of us were almost entirely naked. Yeah, I know it was a lame excuse, but Kevin was right about the heat. I guess we were both a little envious of Andy, not just at his coolness, but also in his ability to seem so carefree and without shame. By mid-afternoon it had finally gotten to us and we ended up naked, just like the young teen accompanying us. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't sexual or anything. It was more like a bonding thing. Something we were sharing together and with nobody else. Okay, maybe its sounds gay or something, but I don't think that's what it was. We were so accustomed to each other's nudity that none of us got excited or anything, I think I kinda liked it that way.

Finishing up that afternoon, we dressed before emerging from the woods. Once in the house I went upstairs to shower while the Keithley bothers called their mom. When I reappeared, drying myself off but not bothering to cover up my nudity, Kevin explained that his mom was having her boyfriend over. He asked if they could spend the night with me. I answered yes, of course!

It was a great night. For once I allowed myself to eat a less than healthy meal. Mostly we pigged out on junk food. The sugar and caffeine seemed to hit all three of us about nine o'clock. Earlier in the evening we had showered and hadn't bothered to dress afterward. It seemed a natural extension of our day's activities. Our second wind hit us with fury and soon we were running around the house, laughing at the smallest things, including Andy's penis.

Okay, yeah, we talked about our dicks and stuff, but it wasn't really a gay thing, though. I mean, we spent a lot of time naked together and it was natural that we would compare things. None of us got hard or anything. It just seemed natural. We also talked out our hair, zits, movies and stuff. We were being typical teen kids in our talk.

Okay, I admit it, I found myself chubbing up once in a while, but always managed to go to the kitchen or to hide myself before anybody noticed.. I think I caught slightly swollen members on the other two, also, but that's bound to happen to anybody at our age. I mean, who can control things like that? I have to admit it, though, it was a hot scene. I wish I had been video taping it. But I was sure I would be able to replay the pictures in my next jackoff session.

Being so hyped up, it seemed natural to us that we should go outside into the dark neighborhood to explore. And of course, we did it naked. It was dark and nobody would see us. We managed about five minutes of it, darting from shadow to shadow, but it was fucking cold!

Even running around we couldn't stay warm so we reluctantly went back into the house.

Well, cold has an effect on you. I'm not talking about goosebumps and stuff, although my skin color was blue and the few hairs I had on my body seemed to be standing up on end. Nah, I'm talking about my stuff. You know, my dick. Shit, it had shrunk to about two inches and my balls had disappeared altogether. I think they were somewhere in my throat!

Andy looked at me and burst out laughing. Pointing at my meat, he said, "You look like a little kid!"

"Well, I may look like a little kid, but at least I don't look like a little girl!" I laughed pointing back at his tiney meat.

Okay, maybe it was an exageration, but his dick had almost disappeared into his abdomen. All I could see was the bare glans sticking out of small folds that had once been his shaft. It looked like his balls had ascended into his body althogether leaving behind the tight wrinkled ballsack contracted up into his body. All over, the boy's skin was almost a pale blue. God, I wished I could warm him up with my body!

His brother's body had suffered the same effects with the head of his penis almost disappearing into his dense bush of pubic hair.

The three of us made our way into the family room and hovered hip to hip next to the wood stove, trying to warm our bodies.

"I'm so fucking cold I think I'll have to sit on this thing before I thaw out," Kevin said.

"Go ahead," replied his younger brother. "Here, I'll help you." He gave the larger boy a small nudge, just enough to set him off balance so he had to bring his foot forward to keep from falling against the hot cast iron. His groin area came dangerously close and I am sure if it had been its normal length, I would have smelled toasted wiener.

"Fuck you, Andy! You almost burned my pecker off!" Kevin reacted angrily. What had begun as horseplay now seemed to be escalating. The sixteen year old pushed Andy away from the stove, wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, and slammed him to the carpeted floor in front of the TV. He sat down hard on the boy's chest with his knees pinning Andy's arms to the ground.

"When are you fucking going to learn that you go too far?" He accentuated every word with a more than playful tap on the helpless boy's sternum. "I'm tired of you acting like a little kid. It's time to grow up!" I could see rage building in the face of my best friend, something I had never seen before.

Andy, naked and trapped beneathe his brother's bulkier nude form, had a frightened look on his face. "I... I... I'm sorry!" he stuttered.

Almost as quickly as it came, the rage disappeared from Kevin's face. He released his hold on the smaller boy. got up, and went into the kitchen. Andy quickly scrambled to his feet and I could see tears in his eyes as he ran upstairs. I heard a bedroom door slam shut. I stood there in shock, not knowing what to do. Finally I decided to go into the kitchen to see if Kevin was alright.

I found him standing in front of the sink with the cold water running. He was bent over slightly as if he was washing the anger out of his face. I could see his shoulders hunching and heard him gasping for breath between sobs. I couldn't stand to see my best friend like this. He had usually seemed so strong and self assured.

All I could do was wrap my arms around him from behind, pressing my naked body into his. I wanted to hold him and protect him from the demons haunting him. He turned around in my embrace, wrapped his strong arms around me, and rested his head on my shoulder. I could feel sobs wracking his body and warm tears falling onto my shoulder blades. We stood there in silence for a few minutes. It felt so right, holding onto his naked body that way. I surprised myself by not becoming aroused, but I guess my body knew that this wasn't the time.

Finally, when the crying stopped, he released me from his bear hug and walked with his head down into the family room where he sat down on the couch. He picked up a Sports Illustrated and leafed through it, turning each page after a short glance at its contents. He never looked up as I sat down beside him. We sat in silence for a few minutes.

"I guess we had too much caffeine," I said quietly, breaking the awkward silence. "I gotta learn to stop buying Mountain Dew."

"Yeah, and I gotta learn to stop drinking it," he replied without looking up from the magazine. "What the fuck's wrong with me anyway? I felt like I coulda snapped my brother in two!"

"So you over-reacted. It's no big deal. He'll get over it." More silence.

Finally he replied, "Yeah, that's easy for you to say. You're so perfect. You're sixteen and in college. You're a superstar swimmer for the team. You've got your own house in the mountains. You're so fucking perfect. God, I wish I could be like you." He looked like he was on the verge of tears again.

I sat quietly, wanting to hold him again, but somehow I sensed that he needed to bring himself under control. Finally, as his breathing returned to normal I made the decision.

"Kevin, you remember last night when you told me about your Dad?"

He nodded, but didn't raise his eyes from the magazine and he didn't say a word.

"I told you that sometime you were gonna have to listen to me. Well, now's the time. You think I'm fucking perfect. Well, I'm not. Yeah, I've done all those things, but not so much because I wanted to. I did them 'cause I needed to. There are so many things I want that I can't ever have so I have always put my energies into my grades and swimming and stuff."

Kevin looked up into my eyes. "What d'ya mean other things?"

"It's hard to say. I've never told anybody. I'm not sure I can say it to you, even."

I hung my head down and picked at my fingernails. I got up off the couch and walked over to the shelf where I kept my videos, pretending to look for something interesting. Was I really gonna do it? Should I admit that I was queer? I mean, sure, he had a gay Dad, but he didn't have any choice in that. He did have a choice in his friends, though, and I was risking everything by continuing. I guess the late night, the sugar, and the caffeine got to me at that point and my judgement failed me. I took a deep breath before I continued.

"Anyway, I guess you would find out anyway 'cause you know so much about me. Besides, I like you too much to keep lying to you. Okay, here goes. Promise you won't hate me."

"You know I can't hate you. You're my best friend," he said quietly.

"Okay," I replied. "Now I'm really gonna say it. No more lies. I hope you don't hate me but I gotta tell you."

"Tell me already," he said with a small smile on his face.

"Well, I never told anybody this. Not even my parents. Especially my parents. Okay, here it is. I'm gay." I turned my head away from him, expecting the worst.

"And?"

"And what?" I asked.

"You said you're gay. So what's the part you're afraid to tell me?"

This wasn't going anything like I expected. "I'm a fucking queer, asshole. We've been hangin' out for weeks now and I've been living a lie. I like boys. I get my kicks by looking at guys in the locker room. I jackoff thinking about guys and me doing stuff together. Don't you see, Kevin, I might be dangerous to you."

He gave a short laugh but got up off the couch and approached me. "That's it? You're gay? I thought you were gonna tell me something like you had murdered somebody or were supplying drugs to kids or something."

I turned to face him. "Okay, so you aren't shocked right now. But think about it. Do you want to be hanging around with a limp-wristed faggot? I mean, aren't you afraid I'm gonna jump you? Shit, we're standing here naked together, alone." Now I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. God, I hated being out of control like this.

Kevin came closer and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to his warm body. "It's okay, bud. You could be a martian for all I care. You're my best friend and I trust you. Haven't I proven that already?" His body felt so good agains mine as we stood there face to face, stomach to stomach, dick to dick together.

"Yeah, but what would happen if I popped wood right now? You sure you could handle that?"

"It wouldn't be the first time I felt a hardon against my body. Shit, Andy has.... Fuck! I forgot all about him. I gotta go up and apologize." Kevin released me from his hug.

"Kevin?" I asked as he began crossing the room. "You're not gonna tell anybody are you?"

"Tell them what? You think I'm crazy or something? Fuck, the rednecks in this town would be all over me if I admitted that my best friend was gay!" He smiled as he left the room.

I sat back down and picked up the Sports Illustrated Kevin had dropped. Well, I had admitted it but I wasn't feeling like the weight of the world had been released from my shoulders like all those stories I had read on the 'net. Once Kevin had thought about it when his mind was thinking straight, there was the real chance that our relationship would change. I mean, all those purely fun things we did might suddenly seem gay to him. I guess I was being pessimistic, but I had grown up hearing all my friends making homophobic remarks. Wasn't that the way of the world? Only time would tell whether he accepted me or not. One thing was for sure, he wouldn't be treating me the same way now that he knew.

Kevin returned after about ten minutes. I was embarassed about my admission to him so I pretended it had never happened. Without looking at him I asked, "How's Andy?"

"He's alright. I apologized to him and he was okay about it. He apologized to me to. We agreed to forget it. He decided to go to bed. I told him to sleep in the guest room. Is that okay?"

"Sure. That's what I had planned. You can have the other bed in there." I wasn't about to admit that I wished he would sleep with me in my king sized bed."

"You sure you don't want me to sleep with you? Not that we would do anything. I was thinking maybe you needed somebody to hold you."

It sure sounded like pity or something to me. I mean, I didn't want anything to change between us just because he now knew my secret. This wasn't one of those stories where the hero and his friend fuck the daylights out of each other when one admits to being gay. This was real life and I didn't want things going in directions I couldn't handle.

"Nah, I'll be alright. Besides, I'm pretty used to sleeping alone," I smiled at him.

After stocking the stove with wood and damping it down for the night, the two of us made our way up the stairs to our different bedrooms. Outside his door he gave me another long hug before we said good night. I wish we could have spent the night holding each other in my bed, but I knew that he had to have time to let my news sink in.

I didn't perform my usual masturbation that night; I had too much to think about. I finally had come out to my best friend. I had always imagined that if it ever happened it would be something I had planned out long in advance. My fantasy had always been that it would happen on a camping trip in the mountains and that it would be pure and wonderful. I had always thought that we would then make love under the stars and sleep long hours together in one sleeping bag. Instead it was here in the house, under the clouds of anger and emotion, and here I was in bed, alone. Okay, he had made the offer, but I knew his heart wasn't in it.

Still, there was a sense of relief, too. I mean, it coulda been much worse. He might have pulled away from me, put on his clothes, and gone home. Maybe there was a chance that he would be okay about it. Whatever happened in the future, I couldn't take back anything I had said to him. He knew my deep, dark secret. One good thing, I knew I could trust him to keep my secret, if that was any consolation. Only time would tell if it would change anything between us. I wish real life was more like the stories on the 'net.