I suppose I should begin by introducing myself. I'm Cieran (pronounced "Keerin"). As you probably guessed, 'Cieran' is not a very common name for a guy. It is an old Celtic boy name. It's the sort of name you really have to own, though; own it or you end up taking a lot of crap. I'm just shy of 6' 2'', with hazel-green eyes (they seem to go back and forth depending on the color shirt I'm wearing). I swim to keep in shape, but I never swam competitively. I wouldn't say that I have a "swimmer's body" but I'm lean and decently muscular. I'm very proud of my hair; I have light brown hair with natural blonde highlights. The more time I spend in the sun, the more my hair goes blonde. I keep it a bit on the long side, and it's very thick with the slightest hint of a wave. I'm not a narcissist, but I consider myself a handsome guy. Anyway, this story is about me and my boyfriend, Marcus. I've embellished it slightly, but it is more-or-less the story of how we got together. I hope you enjoy it!
It began my sophomore year of college. I was a music major at a small school outside of Boston, and I had volunteered for the "Big Sibs" program. Every year for orientation the freshmen are divided up into groups of about ten and assigned a Big Sib. Usually the group of freshmen get together with their Big Sib and head downtown for dinner a few days before classes start. It's a nice way for the freshmen to get to know each other, for them to meet an upperclassman student, and to start to get a feel for Boston.
I had just moved into my dorm room that morning. It was a small room, but it was all my own. I was lucky enough to get one of the single rooms on the floor and I was very thankful. My roommate experience freshman year was great, but I definitely learned that I value my privacy. I spent most of the day setting up the room and unpacking. I was able to buy a small loveseat at a garage sale and just barely managed to get it into the room along with the desk, dresser, and bed provided by the school.
The time to meet my group of freshmen came quickly. I brushed my teeth, roughed up my hair a bit, and headed down to the lobby. When I arrived, I was happy to find the lobby full of freshmen, most of them with their names tags on, clumped together in groups. It was funny to me how quiet the lobby seemed with so many people in it. In a few months, when all these new students had gotten to know each other better, the lobby this full would be pretty obnoxious. But now the freshmen were standing awkwardly, having conversations that consisted almost entirely of the standard battery of "get-to-know-you" questions.
I checked in with the Big Sibs coordinator for my dorm, Sam. He was a friend of mine and the RA on my floor, and he walked me over to my group.
"This is Cieran Hughes, your Big Sib," he said.
A few of the freshmen in my group shot curious glances to each other and one, a guy who later introduced himself as Taylor, spoke.
"Oh, we thought we had a girl Big Sib," he said.
Jackass.
"Well, you don't," I said with a smug tone that I hoped translated as "Shut the fuck up." Sam let out a soft snort-laugh. He knew that I don't take shit for my name. Taylor looked a little embarrassed, but I decided to leave it at that.
"So, what are all your names?"
One by one, they introduced themselves. He was the last one.
"I'm Marcus. Marcus Calvani."
I wish I could say it was love at first sight. It wasn't. He was definitely cute, taller than I was, with short black hair, brown eyes, and a fairly muscular build. He had a mild complexion and I learned later that he was a quarter Puerto Rican. He was a very handsome guy.
"Nice to meet you, Marcus. Well," I said to the whole group, "in case you missed it, I'm Cieran. I guess we should get going."
Sam wished us a fun time as we walked outside into the warm, early-evening air. It was about a ten minute walk to the T station, most of which was filled by me trying to jump-start a conversation that was more than just "Where are you from? What are you majoring in?"
Just as we made it to the train station, one of the obviously more bold girls in the group, Ashley, asked,
"So, Cieran, do you have a girlfriend?"
Some of the other girls giggled a bit (why they do that is beyond me), and I caught a couple of the guys rolling their eyes.
"Nope. No girlfriend. And that's the way I like it for the time being," I said. I had no intention of announcing my homosexuality to this group.
"Oh, that's cool," Ashley said. She masked her disappointment well.
"Didn't you say you have boyfriend, Ashley?" asked one of the other girls.
"Well, yeah, I do, but he's at another university. Besides, I've heard the long-distance thing doesn't usually work."
"That's kind of cynical, don't you think?" Marcus asked.
"Well, maybe. I'm just trying to be realistic. Why? Are you in a long-distance relationship?" replied Ashley.
"Yeah. Her name is Julie. We started dating about seven months ago."
Dammit. Marcus was straight and in a relationship. "I guess that answers that," I thought.
"And you think you'll last?" This time it was Taylor who chimed in.
"I hope so. It's kinda serious," Marcus replied. There was something innocently noble about the way he said it, or at least I thought so.
"Well, good luck. I hope it works out for you."
I was starting to really not like this Taylor kid.
The rest of the evening went by very well. We grabbed some dinner downtown, I took them to Boston Commons, and to see Symphony Hall (I'm a music major, after all). We ended the night on the North End with a stop to Mike's Pastry Shop --- To all you Nifty readers, if you have a chance to go to Boston, you have to make a stop at Mike's Pastry on Hanover. It's basically the best thing in the universe.
I got to know the group pretty well for spending only one evening with them. Marcus and I got along very well. Even if he was off the market, he was still a great guy to hang out with.
The night ended as it began: in the lobby of Smith Hall, my dorm. Regardless of my little infatuation with Marcus, I truly intended to make myself available to these freshmen, to really make them feel welcome on campus.
"Some of my friends and I are getting together in my room on Wednesday night. We'll probably order pizza and watch a movie. You're all welcome to come." I had no idea how I was going to fit all these people into my little room, but I was counting on the fact that some of them wouldn't show up. "I'm in room 417. We'll probably get started at about seven."
"Cool, thanks," one of them said, and we all parted ways.
Wednesday – the day before the first day of classes – came very quickly. Before I knew it, it was seven o'clock and I had five people in my tiny dorm room. We decided what kind of pizza to get and Sam was placing the order when Marcus stepped into the doorway.
"I hope I'm not too late," he said.
"Not at all. Come on in. I don't really have a lot of room, but grab a seat wherever you can find it. We're ordering the pizza now."
"Cool."
Marcus sat down and Melissa, one of my other friends, started up the movie on my laptop. The evening was great. I loved being back at school with all my friends. Somehow, I felt more like an adult, like I was more of my own person when I was at school. This night was sort of a "welcome back" party for me, catching up with old friends and meeting new ones. Well, just one new friend, really. Marcus seemed to fit right in with everyone else. He was a very outgoing person, I noticed; definitely not the shy type. He was so decidedly masculine – not that fake jock macho crap, but a true gentleman. And he was just a little naïve, which was really cute.
At about eleven o'clock things died down. Everyone wanted a good night's sleep before the first day of classes. Gradually my room emptied until only Marcus and I remained.
"This was fun, Cieran. Thanks for inviting me."
"Any time," I said.
"See you later."
"Bye."
And he walked down the hall and into the stairwell.
It was a good night; a good way to start the year. And I realized that I was really into Marcus. I decided then, though, that I wasn't going to tell him I was gay. He didn't need to know, and it didn't really matter. He wasn't gay, and I knew he was off limits, not that I would have been gutsy enough to try anything. And so, resolved to be content with his friendship only, I stripped down to my boxer shorts and crawled into bed.