this is just bullshit... there was a long period of silence, which sort of pissed me off because I knew he was playing the who ever speaks first looses game you know - you fuckers actually do sound like the guys who play you on TV... who uses words like fucking fulminate any-god-damn-way anyway? ... Do I really have a choice?... I dont, do I...
Mr Hall, he finally spoke, we are offering you a dream life - you would be like a, well, real life James Bond. You will live much longer than any other human has ever lived, you will have more strength and agility than the greatest athlete of all times. You will know more than what any other person has ever learned. your senses will be shaper; your reactions quicker... and your value to our country will be immeasurable...
DO I HAVE A CHOICE? CAN I GO HOME IF I WANT? I said through clenched teeth with squinted eyes, not loudly but forcefully, with a half of a second pause between the words. These questions were followed by more silence. but it was different kind of silence, the kind of silence that happens when someone powerful is ashamed of what they have done - a kind of head hung down silence - one that made the answer obvious; so I said it - kind of dejectedly, with a-matter-of-fact tone and my eyes closed. I cant... can I ? You're gonna force me to do this - willing or not; aren't you?...
No Mr Hall, we're NOT going to force you...
But I can never go home can I?...
No sir, you cant...
And if I say no...
Let's not go there Mr Hall, you're looking at this all wrong. You've hit a jackpot, it's bigger than any lottery - near immortality, unequalled physical prowess, intelligence beyond imagination, - and all you have to do is say - yes.
No, you want me to become your slave - a CIA spy, forever, you've already taken my life away. Is my house still there?...
Please Mr Ha...
NO!, answer me... IS MY HOUSE STILL FUCKING THERE!!!!???? I said with the same staccato rhythm and tone as before If you want me to do this then you fucking better start to be honest with me. Is my house still there??
Yes Mr Hall, it's still there, but it's being... cleaned up, and later I'm afraid - there will be a fire - and you'll be found in the ashes...
Either me or some other guy eh - depending on my answer?...
Yes Mr Hall I'm afraid that's about right sir, I'm sorry...
No you're not - you fucker - you think you can wreck a man's life and expect him to happily do this shit - you're a fucker, you're all fuCKers.
I guess I dont have a choice... do I?
No Sir - not really, and I really am sorry, but you will find out - you are about to inherit a dream life...
Ok, as long as you are being honest... then be honest a bit further... what are the odds that your gene splitter thing will work like it's supposed to? How many times has it failed. who else has had this shit done to them.
Well Mr Hall its different for ev...
NO! - stop - answer the question I demanded. Dont I have a right to know?... DONT I?...
It's ummm... never been done successfully, he said in as-a-matter-of-fact way as a Dr telling you that you have a horrible disease
WHAT! I said, loudly but rhetorically, with a long pause shit, - how did I know that was going to be your answer - your going to experiment on me aren't you - fuck FUCK FUCK!!
Well Mr Hall, as we are being honest, I will tell you. This has been tried on 12 people, he said very quietly and he finished with the mind blowing phrase which made my heart stutter, so far it has yet to be completely successful. After a half of a pause he continued in an almost vengeful tone, to be completely honest.
Were they prisoners? Were they abducted and threaten with death if they didn't cooperate? Then when they agreed under your coercion you fucked them over with your little bullshit "gene splitter" crap- like, just like what you're doing to me I ranted staring at him straight in the eye?
No Mr Hall, he said in that tone you hear in the movies when someone says when they tell you someone sacrificed their lives to save someone else's life, they were all dedicated CIA agents. Your the first person we have... convinced to do this.
What happened to the others? There was a long pause so I thought I would put proffer my hoped for and desirable result ...did it just not work and they went back to being themselves like they were before you gave them that shit?...
We went back to that dejected awkward guilty silence as I waited for my righteously deserved answer, well... ummm... to be honest, no - sorry no... He didn't stutter exactly but he had a lot of long awkward pauses between each word as he searched for the right words, the right euphemisms, but the only words to find their way from his moth were the cold cruel honset truth as he continued - no, they didn't make it.
I didn't offer any quarter for the awkwardness he showed saying it, I restated his words, but loudly, for the world's judgement I hoped! "They didn't make it" as in they are dead, I said as incredulously as I could manifest my voice to sound and added darkly, or worse, I asked?
Lets just leave it there Mr Hall - they didn't make it. He said abruptly as he was clearly done with my haughty accusational tone and was scrambling to move back to his position of authority from his current position as perpetrator of misery and death.
Fighting to keep him on the defensive I cut in and said factually and forcefully, This is so fucked, if I do it, I die - if I dont do it, I die. This is fucked! Just fucked, Im fucked.
Mr Hall please calm down, as he changed tact to try a different approach to recover the dominate position in our conversation, I know this is overwhelming and very dire sounding, but you have one advantage my colleagues didn't have - the gene splitter was made from your DNA, well actually, your twin brothers DNA. the scientists thought it could be altered to split other DNA, but it doesn't seem to have worked out as they had hoped. It was decided, at the highest levels, that we had to try one last time, with all bets in the pot - and I AM sorry but you're that try. None of us like it, clearly you dont like it. We dont like trusting a non agent, in fact Mr Hall, quite honestly, your refusal to see the positive side of this is a little bit disheartening considering others gave their lives with a lower likelihood of success than you have. But its 55 years worth of work, we have spent billions of dollars trying to unravel millions of twisted pairs of YOUR genes , 12 agents willingly gave their lives - so we had to do it - we simply had to do it Mr Hall. I am very sorry Mr Hall that you are so adamantly opposed to such an opportunity ... I really really am.
So there is no way out of this. Cant we just let me go back? I promise to keep your secret if it ever get out you know how to silence me...
He stopped me short saying, Mr Hall you know the answer, you knew it when you locked your house didn't you?
What is it you want me to become? What do you want to change me into? Can you tell me?
Well, it will take almost 4 years to regress you to 14 or 15.
I brought him up short when I exclaimed, I thought you said 15 or fucking 16... now its 14 or 15?? This just keeps getting worse.
Please dont feign disgust and quibble of details Mr Hall, you heard what we said we just dont want to go past puberty - ok?
Well it doesn't sound like it's likely to work anyway, so I am dead already, so who cares, so fuck it. Do what you're gonna do. I said in honest dejected resignation. Could you just force me to do this through mind control or something?
No Mr Hall, as I said we wont force you, we cant. your memories and desires dont change in this process but all of your capabilities are amplified. We need you because your a pretty smart guy already, so multiplying your capabilities will be far more effective. The fact you are gay was worked in to how we can use you. In the 4 years we will train you
yea yea you told me all that shit before I interjected
he interrupted me just as quickly to say you have no idea what I was going to say... We will train you Mr Hall - to infiltrate North Korea. Kim Jong-Un is a closeted homosexual. He likes young guys, and has some very serious sadomasochistic tendencies. We plan o
no no no... I stopped him again, you want to make me a 14 year old kid - and give me to a nut case? Fuck that, fuck that! I said with great disdain
Mr Hall, please, let me finish. No we are not going to give you to him, we are going to weave you into his life as the property of a powerful rich american. You will be beaten, humiliated, raped, and abused, I wont deny that. We will try to keep it to your American owner but it will go beyond that, but because you are the property of a rich American you shouldn't be harmed permanently. I will tell you that not everyone will be so well protected. This is a brutal man who takes part in a brutal sadistic world of child slavery and torture. But to be honest thats not why you will be there. We need you to gain his favor and get into his inner sanctum. He has the power to kill millions of innocent children, not just a few children. We need you inside so we know what his plans are. You may have to set him up, or maybe we will help you plant false information creating dissension and mistrust degrading his path to the destruction of millions of people if he comes unhinged.
why not just kill him, I asked.
Its harder than you think. Besides who knows what could result, we want you in there to be our eyes and ears, to create some internal hemorrhaging which will breed distrust and possible pull down his leadership from the inside.
He is going to trust me? why?
He has a thing for skinny blonde hairless boys. He will crave having you. We will let that happen once in a while. No one knows it but we did a similar thing with Saddam. His oldest son works for us. he smiled a wry little smile. Anyway, I am not going to say this will be easy for you, in fact I know it will be pretty hard, but you will be saving millions of lives. - millions
If I live through it, I said sarcastically
though the gene splitting or the life as a slave he queried
yes I said and he just looked at me without saying a word
will you do it?