Chrysalis Part 2-Chapter 16
This story is about a young man's quest to fix a major birth defect--he was born without a penis. On his quest he meets his soul mate and many other soon to be friends.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and events are the product of the author's imagination, or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any real person is coincidental.
The story depicts procedures and practices common for gender reassignment; however, this story does not claim to be a medical treatise, and information is primarily for the purpose of the story and not medical advice. This story is written for adults with adult themes. If you are underage or live in a location where references to gay relationships or transgender people is forbidden, please log out of the story or move.
This work is copyrighted by Boethiuscell@gmail.com © 2023
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Chapter 16--Doctors and Doctors
Tom was already munching on French toast when Chris slid into the booth. "Mornings," mumbled Tom as he chewed a dripping piece of toast. Tom wiped his mouth and continued, "Nervous?"
"Yeah," Stella slipped coffee and blintzes in front of Chris. "Thanks," Chris said turning to Stella then back to Tom, "yeah, a little. Not so much the doctor because that will not change much from Chicago, but the fertility specialist is definite nerves."
"I know we talked about freezing your eggs when we were in Chicago, but I want you to know that you do not need to do this for me. I do not need to have your child."
Chris frowned, "You do not want to have a child with me?"
Tom aspirated a little coffee and choked. "No, I didn't meant that. I would love to be the father of your child. I just do not want you doing this to please me. This must be something you want whoever you decide to be its father."
"Move over," Juan said as he pushed Chris along in the seat. "Who's being a father now?" Juan looked at Tom.
"Not me," Tom quickly replied and then looked at Chris's hurt expression. "I mean not me right now, maybe someday. I mean I haven't knocked anyone up' although someday I might, just to get a kid." Tom stopped totally confused on how he could answer Juan without hurting Chris. Chris looked seriously at Tom and then burst out in laughter.
"I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon at a fertility clinic."
"I thought," Juan's eyebrow twitched "that you were transitioning to male. Why fertility."
"I just thought that if I preserved an egg or two now, I might actually have a child with whomever I want later as a father that is both of ours biologically."
"If I get this right, you will be the father and mother of your child."
Chris looked at Tom a little confused then he realized that Juan was right. "Yup," Chris said with a shrug of his shoulders. "Since I would use my egg, I am the mother, but after I transition and become male, that would make me the father too." Chris grasped Juan's forearm firmly. "That will screw up any child. Me and little Pee Wee."
"Pee Wee?" Tom laughed. Chris just scowled at the interruption. Tom quickly grabbed a coffee cup.
"Pew Wee at a PTA meeting asked if he brought his mother and father and just introduces me. That'll totally screw with the kid." Chris laughed. "How are things with Zack?" Chris asked changing the subject.
Juan just leaned his head back and mouthed, "wow." Suddenly panics he turned toward Chris, "Did he say anything, is he upset, is he going to dump me?"
Chris gave a good laugh, "No Juan, he has not said anything, good or bad. When we are together, we hardly have time to pee much less discuss you."
"But does he seem happy, does he smile, is he laughing?"
"Yes Juan, he is doing all those things." Chris thinned his smile, "Why are you worried?"
"I just do. I've never felt this way about someone, and I'm so afraid that I will lose him." Juan sulked.
"Have you told him how you feel?" Tom asked.
"No, I mean it's been only week or two. That is very fast to declare undying love."
"You are so right," Chris replied, bemused, "You need at least three weeks." Juan did not appreciate the humor. "I mean man, come on Juan, lighten up and enjoy what you have and see where it goes. Too much obsession about the what if can kill the relationship. Trust yourself and Zack. Do something together that does not involve sex."
Juan looked shocked, "I like the sex. I like the sex very much." Juan features relaxed, "But you are right. We do go out to eat or a movie, but they are foreplay to the sex. Jezze, his body and how he holds me and when he is naked and we start..."
"Hold there Juan, TMI." Tom laughed. A car horn honked. Tom glanced out. "Chris, we need to leave. Out cab is here."
As Juan, then Chris slid from the booth, Chris gave Juan a quick peck on the cheek, "I'm sure you and Zack will work it out if it is meant to be. If it is not meant, you will have fantastic memories."
"Yeah, your right, but memories are a weak substitute for a hard body" Juan said as he pushed Chris toward the door.
Dr. Marchel sat in her office with Chris while Tom waited impatiently in the waiting room. "I have all your records from Chicago, Chris, and your top surgery looks to have healed well. I see a little scaring but that should fade in a year or two. What are your future plans for reassignment?" Dr. Marchel was warm, efficient and female, which Chris found reassuring.
"I plan on having total reassignment as soon as possible." Chris gave a soft sigh, "I cannot continue like this. My period is due next week, and it is very destressing."
"Simple birth control methods can stop most episodes of Menses. Did your doctor discuss that with you?"
"No," Chris said surprised, "not one word."
"I can start you on something today which will work."
So easy Chris thought, but. "Dr. Marchel, there is one issue. I would like to freeze my eggs. I identify as a gay male and at some point I hope to be in a relationship where we might have children, our children."
"Have you spoken to a fertility physician?"
"This afternoon."
"My suggestion is that we wait for hormone replacement and surgery until after you decide on a fertility procedure."
"How long will that be?"
"Don't know Chris, it could be another year or longer until you full surgery."
"I don't know if I can hold that long." Chris started to shake and tear up. "It has been so difficult for so long. I need light, bright light, not just a candle at the end of a long hall."
Dr. Marchel pulled her chair close to Chris and hugged him. "I know. Do you have a support system? Family?"
"Threw me out at sixteen because I wanted to be a man." Chris sobbed. "No one close."
"What about the young man who brought you here."
"I don't know," Chris sobbed more. "I mean. Maybe. But we have only known each other a few weeks."
"Does he know about your gender transition?" The doctor handed Chris a stack of tissue.
"Yes, and his cousin and his wife. They are understanding, but live in England."
"Not close enough to cry on their shoulder." Chris sobbed a small chuckle. "Just them know?"
"No, my bosses know. Helga, one of the bosses, arranged the appointments. And then Benjie, Juan, Zack, and Andy know. They are friends. And Cynthia at Silent Models knows. And of course, Chet knows."
"That is a large group of people who support you and will be there anytime you need them. Do not be afraid to cry on their shoulder; use their strength."
Chris stopped sobbing and laughed weakly. "Tom has already been subjected to a major meltdown."
"And?" Dr. Marchel gently asked.
"He talked about an old tree on his grandfather's estate in England that gives strength. He offered that strength to me." Chris straightened his posture and thought of an old gnarled tree braving the world for centuries. Chris gave an internal smile.
"Maybe an old tree is the strength you need." Dr. Marchel smiled as she pulled away from Chris.
"I think so too." Chris smiled. "I will do this, however long it takes, whatever the difficulties because to stay still is to die."
"Why don't you refresh your face in the bathroom while I retrieve the handsome young man waiting concerned in the waiting room."
"`Thank you Dr." Chris said has he left the exam room. As he reflected on the conversation he realized that he had more of a support system than he ever had. His friends like him as he is: as in transition and more importantly as Chris.
"Come back here when you are less puffy." Dr Marchel laughed and patted Chris's face.
Tom was in the exam room when Chris returned. He immediately stood and pulled Chris into a side hug. Dr. Marchel smiled knowing that Chris was in good hands. "Chris's top surgery has healed well with no complications. Chris told me his plans to preserve some eggs for future fertilization. I think that is a solid plan, but it will delay any hormone therapy and surgery until that is completed. Chris said he has an appointment this afternoon."
"Yes," Tom said, "with Dr. Casey Sturgeon."
"Very good," Dr. Marchel said, "he is the best. Now don't be put off by his gruff exterior. He is a very gentle and caring soul."
"Thank you Dr. Marchel," Tom shook her hand. "You have been very helpful." Tom's eyes rested on Dr. Marchel eyes. She gave a reassuring smile.
"Yes, thank you Dr. Marchel," Chris added, "and sorry about the water works."
"Chris, if you had not broken down, I would have worried. What you are doing is very brave and scary. Far too many young men like you have taken the easy way out because they saw no hope. You see hope, do not lose it." She pulled both Tom and Chris into a hug. "Now run off, I have other patients to see."
Once Tom and Chris were in the elevator, Tom pulled Chris close and asked, "Are you okay?" Chris nodded okay. "I care about you a lot, and I will not leave you." Chris snuggled closer into a hug. "How about lunch?"
"Yeah, famished. How about Mexican?"
"I know something better than Taco Bell--Spanish tapas." Chris did not care where they ate as long as Tom, his sturdy tree, was with him.
Tom and Chris sat on stylish beige chairs in Dr. Sturgeon's exam room. It was almost comfortable except for the large exam table the dominated the room. Dr. Sturgeon entered the room and looked at Chris and Tom. "Which one of you has the problem?" Tom started to rise to leave, but Chris tugged him back.
"We are here for me, but it is not because of a problem but to explore options." Chris said with a smile.
"Not that many options for me--baby or no baby." He stared at Chris waiting for a reply.
"I will be having gender reassignment surgery in the near future and want to preserve my eggs so I can have children later if I want."
"You're a woman then." The statement was flat and cold.
Chris closed his eyes for composure, "Unfortunately, that is what my body says, but it is so very misinformed." The doctor gave a barely noticeable smile. "I close my eyes and I see a man, I feel a man, I am a man."
"Are you a virgin?" Chris hesitated unsure how to answer. "Have you ever had a penis penetrate your vagina?"
Chris shook his head violently no at the thought. "No, never, not even close."
"You are 19, correct?"
"Yes,"
"When did you start menstruating?"
"Age 13." Chris said softly.
"In six years no attractive man has tried to entice you to his bed?"
"A couple tried, but I disabused them of that notion, quit emphatically," Chris smiled at the doctor.
"I believe you," the doctor faintly smiled back.
"You have several options for concenption." Dr. Sturgeon focused closely on Chris.
"You could have a man of your choice have intercourse with you; we harvest the fertilized eggs and freeze them for later, using a gestational carrier--surrogate." Chris blanched at the thought. "I do not think it is a viable option for you. Second, we harvest the eggs, artificially inseminate and then freeze the embryo. The third option is to harvest the eggs, oocyte, cryopreserve, freeze them and then at some future point have a donor of your choice inseminate, and then use a, surrogate."
Chris was silent while the Doctor patiently waited. "If I freeze embryos, the father is determined at time of freezing." Dr. Sturgeon nodded. "If I freeze my eggs, a father can be chosen after the eggs thaw."
"Yes."
"Which has a better success rate?" Chris asked.
"With the modern techniques used, both are about the same."
"Freezing embryos has a few disadvantages: it is more expensive, the disposal of unused embryos may have moral implications, and finally, the original sperm donor is set regardless of how you have moved on in your life." Dr. Sturgeon looked at Tom, "Even the most loving couples may not be together after a few years."
Dr. Sturgeon looked at Chris. "Do you have a sperm donor in mind?"
"No." Chris quickly replied. "I need to give this some thought."
"Take your time," Dr. Sturgeon nodded, "we are nowhere close to harvesting eggs." The Doctor looked at Tom, "I need to do an examination, and I am sure Chris does not want you here." Tom looked at Chris, who just waved him toward the door.
"I know that you will feel this a great violation, but I need to look at your reproductive system. I will try to make this as comfortable as possible."
"I understand and appreciate your sensitivity."
Dr. Sturgeon was methodical and entertaining. He kept Chris's mind off the technical with humor and conversation. He had Chris laughing at some of the naïve ideas people, adult people, have about pregnancy and preventing it. Chris talked about New York and opera. That alone relaxed Chris. Chris discussed modeling and how strange it is. "All done and everything looks great. I want to do an ultrasound of the ovaries." Chris noted that he said "the ovaries" and not "your ovaries." Chris never thought of any of his female organs as his. They were foreign objects, like a large splinter that needed to be removed. "The ultrasound will give me some idea of condition of your ovaries. You do menstruate?"
"Yes, I am due next week. I am fortunately very regular."
"That is good," The doctor said as he exposed Chris's stomach for the ultra-sound. "I will give you shots that will increase your egg production. The shots usually starts on the first day of menstruation." He spread some gel over Chris's abdomen and slowly moved a small wand. "I am getting good pictures Chris. You have several large eggs, so I agree that menses is soon." He handed Chris a towelette to wipe any excess gel. "You can get off the table, Chris, and we will talk about options."
Chris swung off the table and sat nervously in a chair.
"First, you are healthy and fertile so harvesting viable eggs should be possible. There is, however, no guarantee that fertilization will occur." Chris nodded that he understood. "Where are things with you and Tom?"
Chris bristled at the question. "Why?"
"The road you have ahead, I am not just talking about saving your eggs, but the hormone shots and surgery. All of it is not for the faint of heart." Chris's body language suddenly closed. "I do not mean you are faint. You are one of the most determined and strongest men I know. Is Tom strong enough? I know he cares about you, otherwise he would not be here with you, but does he have long term interest in you?"
"I do not know," Chris sighed because he thought there might be a long future, but he did not want to presume. "Our relationship is very new and I do not want to apply any pressure. He is only twenty and not always mature." Dr. Sturgeon laughed, "No male at twenty is mature." He smiled so kindly at Chris that he felt like melting, "You, however, are an exception. You are remarkably mature and focused. I have no doubt that you will successfully transition and be the man you know you are. It is just that it is very difficult to do alone."
"I fully am aware of the challenges. I have read everything on the topics. I have read all the horror stories, suicides, and attacks that I will face not beyond when all the medical is finished."
"Yes Chris, you are being realistic to the dangers, but you know the danger is even worse if you do nothing."
"I know," Chris said as if every ounce of energy was leaking onto the floor.
"Let's bring Tom back in and discuss the future." Dr. Sturgeon said brightly.
"Everything okay," Tom said as he walked through the exam room door, worry and concern in his eyes.
"Yes," smiled the doctor pointing to an empty chair. ""Everything is great. Chris is very healthy and should produce viable eggs."
Tom looked a Chris, who looked emotionally tight, trying to reconcile the upbeat doctor to Chris's demeanor. "That is very good, right Chris."
Chris brightened, "Yes, very good."
"Since Chris is expecting his period next week and is regular birth control pills are not needed to force a cycle, no hormonal forcing menses is needed. Once your menses starts, however, I need you in my office to start hormone therapy to increase egg production." Chris looked concerned. "You can self-administer or have someone else do it."
"What medications?" Tom asked, more curious than concerned.
"It is three drugs. The first is Lupron, this is one shot a day for twelve days. It stimulates egg production. The second is Gonal, which is an injection given for ten days, and the last is Profasi, an injection 36 hours before we harvest eggs."
Chris looked at Tom for support. "Side effects?" Tom asked.
"Mostly mild." Dr. Sturgeon reassured. "bloating, moodiness, possible headaches and hot flashes."
"Hot flashes!" Chris moved uncomfortable in his chair.
"It is not a common reactions. And I will be seeing you weekly to monitor the medications and the egg development."
"Will Chris only need to have his eggs harvested once?" Tom asked as he considered Chris's Milan commitment.
"I usually say six cycles is best to ensure enough eggs are harvested. But Chris mentioned his work commitments. I would plan three cycles or three months, but if after one you are willing to use the number we have, we can always stop?"
"How many eggs will you harvest at a time?"
"Hard to say, but it is usually 2 to 6 eggs. When I did an ultra sound today, I noticed two eggs, so with additional hormones it may be more."
"I only ask," Tom said, "because Chris must plan hormone treatment for gender reassignment."
"I am aware of that urgency," Dr. Sturgeon slowly shook his head, "That is why I think three cycles should be the limit. That gives a month or two for your body to readjust after these treatments before you start a second round of different hormones. You should be able to start your reassignment hormones in October, but Dr. Marchel is the authority there." Dr. Sturgeon looked at Chris and Tom. "Any more questions." Everyone is silent, "Good, I will see you, Chris, next week." Chris stood to shake the doctor's hand, but was pulled into a hug. "Hang in there Chris, in a year everything will be looking much better." He whispered into Chris's ear. Chris nodded and affirmed agreement.
The trip, in the cab, back to the apartment was silent. Tom shuffled uneasy and Chris blankly stared out the window watching buildings and people doing normal happy things. Chris felt so not normal and definitely not happy. Granted things were heading in the right direction, but he was in the foothills before the mountain. He gritted his teeth until his jaw ached. Chris saw a reflection of Tom in the window. Tom was drawn and tense not sure what to say or even if he should say anything. Chris was not sure where Tom stood in it all, was not sure he should involve Tom at all. It was not fair to Tom, was not fair to anyone. Too soon the buildings became everyday companions as they approached Chris's apartment. The cab stopped jarring Chris forward and away from the window.
"Want me to come up with you?" Tom asked uncertain that he should even ask.
"Nay, it's okay." Chris smiled weakly. "I appreciate your company today. It did make it easier." The smile was a little more sincere. "But you must have plans for a Friday night."
Tom did not respond, he opened the door to the cab for Chris, paid the cabbie, and followed Chris up to the apartment. "You do not need to do this," Chris said at the apartment door. Chris patted Tom's chest as dismissal. Tom entered the apartment with Chris. Chris was relieved that Tom was with him.
Tom went into the kitchen and filled two mugs with water and tossed them in the microwave. "I'm making us some peppermint tea. Want honey?" Chris weakly nodded. The microwave beeped and Tom dunked tea bags in the hot water. The sharp scent of peppermint sublimated through the apartment, like a silent melody. Chris inhaled marsh mallows and buttercups under weary willows trailing leaves in a cold stream; Chris relaxed.
"Thanks," Chris said taking the steaming cup and sucking in the aroma. Chris sat quiet, not drinking the tea but staring unfocused at the steam rising from the cup.
"You okay," Tom asked, his voice hushed.
"Yes," Chris quickly answered then paused, "No....not sure." He took a sip of tea. Considered, "It hit me today at the doctors' offices that I am truly on the path to being me. It scares me."
"It is what you want?" Tom moved to the sofa to be closer to Chris.
"Yes, absolutely, no doubt. But I have been in this limbo; dressing and acting male while my body demands are female is a twilight between the two that I have become comfortable with. The past few weeks, since I've met you, I've done and experienced more than I ever thought possible. If I change will everything around me change. Do I want to risk it?"
"It will change," Tom said firmly, "after surgery, you will be totally male with all the parts. You will need to think of those parts not as embellishments but intrical to you. It will change how you walk, stand and sit. With hormone therapy, you may need to shave. You will need to think like a man."
"That scares me because I think like neither a man nor a woman. I have some of the sensibilities of both. It is how I relate to people, I am not sure I want to lose that dual vision."
Tom laughed softly, "Chris, dear man, that is who you are at core. It is not part of your gender. You see people as they are and relate to them as individuals. It is something I love about you. Toby was an ass with all capital letters, but you never belittled him. Some things will definitely change, but the core of you never will."
"I'm tired Tom." Tom shifted ready to leave, "I'm tired of fighting, being positive, being hopeful. It is a lot of work. It would be so easy to let the world float by me, a cloud in a sky too high and out of anyone's reach. It would be so easy to be complacent."
"If you do not have surgery, how do you picture your life five years from now?"
"Dead," Tom jerked back in surprise, "I could not survive that long with the daily tension of body and mind." Chris fell into silence leaving Tom grasping for how to help.
"Do you want to die?" Tom finally asked.
"No, of course not. I want to be an old, old man surrounded by people that love me when I fade away. Not die, just fade like the end of an old movie."
"I like that passing," Tom snuggled closer to Chris, bodies almost touching. "It seems that to have that you need the surgery."
"Yeah," Chris straightened and took a sip of tea. "Don't have a choice. But you know trans life expectancy is not good. I do not think I will have fifty years or even twenty-five, maybe not even ten."
"Don't get morbid on me," Tom stated. Tom looked at Chris, who was again sipping the tea, and saw his resignation to a short life. Tom wanted to scream, yell and tell Chris he was a fool, but he did not know how to change the attitude. "What will be will be," Tom lamely said, "But right now I am hungry. Want to go downstairs and have supper?"
"No, I am too morose to be good company. I'll fix myself something here, if you do not mind. You go and have some fun tonight. I will be fine tomorrow." Tom looked dubious. "Really I will. I just need time to process my feeling and what is starting to happen."
"Want to do something tomorrow?" Tom offered, hoping that Chris would say yes.
Chris looked up at Tom and grinned, which relieved Tom. "Got a date."
"Oh," Tom felt kicked in the balls.
"Yeah, on a motorcycle and a biker bar." Chris gleefully played with Tom
"I can get a motorcycle for us to ride around with."
"Chet asked me a favor the other night at the opera. His payment for the favor is the ride and the bar. I had fun the last time we went out."
"Are you and Chet an item?" The hurt was barely concealed.
"No way, He is nice enough, funny, and sophisticated in an off-handed way but he does not have my heart."
"Does someone have your heart?"
"There is hope. I am just waiting for a candle in the window." Tom's heart thumped twice.
"What favor are you doing for Chet?"
"We're going to a Derick Gordon party."
Tom choked on his tea. "No! you're not. Do you know what kind of parties he throws?"
Chris cocked his head, "Have you been to them?"
"Never, just the rumors about them are worthy of biblical retribution."
Chris laughed loud, "biblical retribution, this from a guy who had his ass pimped."
Tom severely frowned and then laughed, "Yes, his parties are much worse than mediocre pandering of a witless fool." Tom looked at Chris seriously, "Why does he want to go to this party and why with you."
"I am the one invited, twice now. He says he will tell me tomorrow why he wants to go."
"Don't do it I. It can be dangerous." Tom's look worried I. "Tell Chet no."
"Oh Tom, I love that you are concerned about me. I will not do anything foolish. How I survived on the streets without your hovering, I will never know." Chris put his hands on Tom's
Jerking his hands from under Chris's he gave a "Fuck you." Tom's face was two shades of red with anger.
Realizing Tom's discomfort, Chris soothed, "I'm sorry, Tom, I appreciate your words of caution, I really do, but I am a big boy and accept responsibility for my decisions."
"If you get sodomized by a baseball bat don't come whining to me."
"I never whine," Chris laughed. "I just whimper."
"Fine, you will do what you want regardless of what I want."
"What do you want Tom?" Tom was silent, "I am tired and need time to myself. Can we have breakfast together tomorrow?"
"No, laundry and housekeeping in the morning for me--an early lunch?"
"That's good--eleven's?"
"That's good. Now be sure to lock the door." Tom said at the door to Chris's apartment.