Sunday, November 10
A more boring week could not have been imagined, or at least it started that way. The highlight of my week, and I'm not making this up, was when Emma-Red noted, on Monday, that Tuesday the 5th was going to be National Redhead Day. Thanks to Brie, though, it got better quickly. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
This was my first (and apparently last) week without therapy from anyone. Doc Strange wants to see me on alternate weeks, so I'll see Ms. Weasley (damn, I'm actually forgetting their real names) next week, and then him the week after, and repeat as necessary. Plus he wants monthly blood tests starting in December. Ho--fucking-hum.
Drama club is starting to freak out about everyone learning their lines. I have mine down pat, and so I basically just kill time in the corner catching up on homework and flirting with Carlos. He and I have settled into a nice routine, and I hope it lasts. Apparently we're also supposed to start talking about costumes and set construction soon. Again, my part is an homage to Emily Blunt's character in Devil Wears Prada, so I'm thinking pencil skirts and stilettos, so that's easy. As for set construction.... LOL... yeah... me with a circular saw. Might chip my nails, ya know?
Tuesday lunch Brie grabbed me again to do another tutorial for Maddy. I skipped drama cuz frankly Maddy's sex life was more imported than to me than being a minor character in Merchant of Venice.
"Maddy, you've had a wonderful smile on your face ever since Brie introduced you to her little pillow trick."
Maddy gulped a bit. "When was someone going to tell me about that? I'm not making this up -- my life is simply changed now."
Brie spoke up, "It's not uncommon for kids from deeply fundamentalist households to have huge sex hangups and lag the rest of us in sexual maturity. Weirdly enough, the way it works out, when some kids finally DO learn about sex, they think that the only way is standard boy-girl missionary, usually unprotected in the back seat of a car, and so they have a disproportionate number of unwanted pregnancies. Since their families don't buy into abortion, guess what?"
I could only just stare at Brie. "Brie, that's the most lucid thing I have ever heard you say."
She said, "Yeah, I'm plagiarizing."
Maddy's mouth was gapped open (a common look for her) as she tried to absorb everything she'd just heard. "Yeah.... That's a lot. But you're right, you know. I can't tell you how many teen girls in my church have just dropped out of sight for six months or a year, only to come back with rumors that they had a baby somewhere, or girls getting married at 17 or 18 and having babies 6 months later. It's wierd."
"Yeah," Brie said, "It's weird, and totally preventable. But that's not why we're here. We're going to have a spend--the-night party. At my house. The entire sister wives. Saturday night. Topic of conversation will be sex. You in?"
Suddenly my week looked a LOT brighter. Holy shit. This was going to be fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was going to kill a weekend with Carlos, but he could jerk himself off for one weekend. (Hmmm.... How often did boys need to jerk off? Further research was called for.)
Maddy nodded and said, "I'll have to ask my mom, but I'm sure it will be OK. A pajama party? We haven't done one of those in what... two years?"
I was in full boy mode last time we did one. The parents let me stay with the girls, figuring I was no harm at that age, plus most of them already figured I wasn't a sexual threat to their daughters. They were right, of course. Brie was the sexual threat.... LOL.... I called Carlos that night and told him about the change in plans. He was cool about that, and asked if he could come over on Friday, which I thought was a great idea.
The rest of the week went normally. On Thursday, Mom and I went shopping for some Emily Blunt look-a-like ideas, because as she noted, no one shopped for clothes on Thursday. I don't have anything even APPROACHING Ms. Blunt's cleavage from that movie, but Mom found a perfect pencil dress with a high collar and a bosom-enhancing sweater vest with some chains and stiletto boots that worked wonders. The next question was about my hair and makeup. Blunt carries off dark red hair and green eye shadow in that movie, and my hair and complexion are nothing like hers. However, this is a play, and Mom suggested what if, for the play, I dye my hair dark red and sport the green eye shadow? We tried some on--line makeup thingies with my picture, and damn, I rock that look.
Friday, Carlos came over anyway and not much happened. We made out on the sofa (Mom was upstairs so we tried to be quiet and she left us alone.). Per our usual, I ended up giving him head. From what I read, some girls seem to think this is a chore. ("Why do you think they call it a blow JOB?"). I actually get off on it. I don't mean I `cum' while I'm giving him head, but I enjoy it, and really enjoy getting him off, and then later that night, in bed, it's the focal point of my self-care exercise, so yeah, I enjoy it. Tonite, thinking about our upcoming sister--wives sex-capades, I was actually pretty hungry for it, and really did think I was going to pop my cork while I was doing him.
Saturday rolled around, and I pulled out my best long winter jammies and sleep socks and a sleeping bag and pillow. I knew that Brie's basement playroom had enough blankets and pillows to build a reasonably good sized fort, because we'd done just that when we were 7. However, custom was coming fully equipped for a potential zombie apocalypse so here I was. Dinner at Brie's was mounds and mounds of pizza and popcorn and soft drinks and leftover Halloween candy so everyone would have a nice sore belly on Sunday morning. We settled in front of the TV, Maddy and I on the floor in front of the TV and everyone else behind us in various stages of lounging on the sofa. Blankets abounded, but I couldn't help but notice that Brie and Randy were snuggled together and quietly holding hands.
We watched a couple of hours of some generic rom-com (Either Reece Witherspoon or Rachel Bilson or someone was a NY or LA attorney or ad executive or investment banker and went back to her hometown in either Alabama or Kentucky or Missouri because her father/grandfather/best friend was either dying or getting married and she fell in love with her old high school boyfriend and/or the local pharmacist or garage mechanic. Oh, and the mysterious old man was actually Santa Clause. And there was a dog.). After it quieted down upstairs and Brie's mom made her three obligatory trips down to the basement to 1) offer us brownies and 2) see if we needed anything before she went to bed and 3) see once again if we needed anything, Brie got everyone's attention.
"Ladies", she started out, "It has come to my attention that some of you, and I won't name names, are lacking in, shall we say, your education about the female body." Giggled abounded, and Maddy laughed the loudest, buried her head in her blanket, and raised her hand to unanimous glee and hugs. "For that reason, my sisters, I have curated a pair of short videos for your education and enjoyment."
With that, Brie did a screen-share from her iPad and launched two... raunchy?... videos. The first was a girl by herself in bed attending to her needs with her hands and fingers. For a while, she also made good use of her pillow. She did a wonderful job of clinically exploring the ... ahhh... "nether regions" of her anatomy. The Emmas just stared, with what some people would call shit eating grins' on their faces. Randi for all the world looked like she was taking notes. Maddy was aghast. You cold tell she had never seen this territory before. The girl on the screen was completely clean shaven, and I was willing to bet all of my sister-wives were still hairy down there', so everyone was more than a bit taken by the Brazilian-ness of the wax job.
I was sitting on the floor next to Maddy, and after the first video, Randi gently kicked me, and whispered, "for future reference?"
I said, "I'll need to know this one day soon."
The next one was a scene from "Blue is the Warmest Color". It was something like 10 minutes of Lea Seydoux and Adèle Exarchopoulos entertaining their dirt-bag director. Randi was frozen, and everyone else just sat there with their mouths agape.
When the video ended, Brie just turned to the audience and asked, "any questions?"
Emma-brunette broke out in uncontrollable laughter, and Emma-Red looked like she was going into a catatonic trance. Randi was giggling, but or dear, sweet, Maddy was just staring at the screen, like she'd just been introduced to ice cream for the first time. After a full minute, at least, Maddy broke the ice by saying, "So that's a thing, right?"
That let the tension out of the room. Brie just nodded and said, "Yep, that's a thing. I'm not saying you have to get your rocks off with another girl. I mean, some do, and some don't. However, it's important to note that you can get naked, either by yourself or with a friend, and enjoy some of the better pleasures of life without risking a newborn.
I couldn't help myself, and mumbled, "a lot of this works even if you have fucked up plumbing." That brought a few chuckles from the audience.
Now, just so I don't forget, Maddy's basement is a lot like ours and while there's a really big playroom with a kitchenette/bar and a massive TV, there are also two really little spare bedrooms with a bathroom in between that also services the basement. It's actually kinda neat how they did that. Anyway, without saying a word, Brie got up from the sofa and took Maddy by the hand. Brie led her into one of the bedrooms -- the one farthest from the rest of us, and shut the door. I think everyone kinda knew what was going on, but it was Randi who had the presence of mind to grab the TV remote and ask, "Is everyone caught up on Grey's Anatomy? I'm not. Let's see what happened to Meredith and the crew this week."
After about 5 minutes, Brie came back in the room, quietly. She sat on the floor next to me in the empty spot where Maddy she'd to be, and didn't' say a word. Maddy was gone for the entire Grey's episode, and then came back in the room quietly right at the closing credits. Her hair was a mess, but otherwise she looked just like she was when she left, except I don't think I've ever seen her smile that broadly. She sat down beside Brie on the floor, snuggled up to Sister Brie, and silently mouthed, "Thank you."
With that, Brie hopped up, surveyed the room, and said, "So, who wants brownies and ice cream? I've got chocolate fudge?" A loud, soprano chorus of "yeas!!!" went up from the room, and Brie headed for the kitchenette to warm up brownies and give everyone a pimple explosion.
Maddy, now sitting beside me, just looked over and smiled. I nodded, and she nodded, and we both knew her world had changed.