Christopher Winton Comes Out

Christopher Winton Comes Out

CHRISTOPHER WINTON COMES OUT

(A short story, as told to the author, in a sauna)

PART ONE

As I drove home that November evening, my emotions were in turmoil, jumping back and forth between regret and expectation. My forty-eighth birthday had been a mixed day, ending one life, beginning another.

Before a celebration lunch, I signed over my substantial interests in Orange Software Limited for $116.4 million, sixty per cent paid in cash, the remainder in shares. My partners thought me crazy, but I felt the need to live a little. Almost twenty-five years of my life had been eaten up in that company and its predecessor, Christopher Electronics. Sure, I had my rewards: a superb home, luxury car, yacht, more the enough money, and a secure portfolio of shares. I had no grumbles about any of that.

However, I had few friends my business taking all of my time. Pleasure usually revolved around business associates and colleagues. I needed a new challenge, or, if not a challenge, at least a change of direction, influenced by my recent realisation. I was gay! This had come as a shock, for I had been happily married for eighteen years, my wife, Helen, dying three years ago.

While I still appeared straight to the world at large, the frightening possibility of being unmasked remained. My partners made no secret of their dislike of the gay world, even avoiding business relationships with members of the Gay Businessmen's Association, a powerful lobby group in the city. Our policy meant we simply didn't employ gays. And, now I was one, deeply frightened at what would happen if the others in the company found out.

In a city as small as Auckland, I didn't believe I could safely explore the gay world and give release to the growing desires within me.

So, I sold my interests in the company. I even refused a seat on the board, as I believe boards are only rubber stamps, and I didn't want to be a rubber stamp, or the victim of company abuse if my gayness became known.

Regrets were many. The company was my baby, replacing as infertile marriage. Selling was akin to infanticide. I'd miss the excitment and tension associated with winning contracts, and the euphoria created by successful innovations. I knew I'd be forgotten, as associates in other companies had been after retirement. Perhaps I could expect a Christmas card or two before anyone would remember who Christopher Winton was.

Expectations of the future crowded in. I was indeed gay, but what to do about it? I understood the gay world to be unreliable, given to gossip and blackmail. I knew of the gay saunas in the city, but saunas weren't places respectable people went, were they? Gay saunas were like brothels someone said, and I wasn't the kind of person to visit a brothel! I didn't know, or at least I didn't think I knew any gays, so there was no-one I felt able to ask, deciding instead to be brave and visit a gay sauna when I'd sufficient courage.

Another worrying thing was the thought of living alone without the business to occupy most of my time. I'd puzzled over this, coming to the conclusion a companion or lodger might be the answer. How to find a suitable person troubled me. Advertisements for gay lodgers or companions had a horrible habit of going wrong, or so I thought, but didn't know why. People could be very untrustworthy, often out to harm, or displaying sexually kinky or undesirable habits. I'd a stereotypical view of the gay world.

Although I was glad to reach my bed, I couldn't sleep. Thoughts kept turning to the idea of a lodger, a term I finally settled on. Companion sounded too familiar, too close, too suggestive of a relationship, while lodger implied own room, rent, legal agreement. Nothing there to raise the eyebrows. It's odd, I thought, how girls can pair off in flats with little or no criticism or gossip; men living together being susceptible to odd looks and gossip - suspicion, even if groundless, quickly aroused. Further, a lodger wouldn't raise any suspicions in SJ, my live-out part-time housekeeper of twelve years standing. I could easily pass a lodger off as a relation of Helen's, for her family is vast, as SJ well knows. I thought a university student would be an idea, but I didn't know how to go about finding a gay one.

In the early hours of the morning I resolved to take the bull by the horns and visit one of Auckland's gay saunas. It would be interesting to see what happened. At forty-eight I was physically attractive, tall, slim but with a well-developed body, my hair a lush auburn, and my looks ten or so years younger than my age, or so hopeful ladies were always telling me! I resolved to lunch at noon and head for the sauna. With doubts now fairly overcome, what lay ahead excited me. I hoped it was as thrilling in reality. After pulling myself, I fell into a troubled sleep, forgetting my meeting in Wellington on the morrow.

II

Seated in the gloom of a steam room, I wondered who or what would turn up. As yet, it had been very quiet, with nothing to interest me in appearance or age. In fact, the whole sauna didn't impress. For a gay sauna, it disappointed. I'd expected a more up-market venue like the gay club I'd accidentally visited in London, on the recommendation of the hotel wine waiter. He obviously knew more about my sexuality than I did! But, for the price charged, the Auckland sauna was adequate, and clean.

The posters and photos of desirable young men were attractive, the suggestiveness of the poses enhanced by the stance and arrangement of the clothing. There is something highly tantalising in imagining what is under the clothes, more stimulating and suggestive than au naturel portraits. Once everything is on display there is no intrigue, no mystery. It's exciting wondering how big a member is, an expectation gone if it's on display. At least I think so!

Lost in gloom, steam and thought, I was only just aware of the arrival of another. He seemed tall, any other feature lost in the steamy haze. Although he sat relatively close to me, we maintained silence. To be truthful, I didn't really know what to do, or how open I should be. Sensing him edge a little closer, I tried moving my hand further along the tiled bench. Our fingers touched. The thrill was electric. My first real encounter in a gay sauna had begun!

Moving closer together, we gently began to caress, the gloom and our silence maintaining anonymity. Softly, a very familiar voice said, "Would you like to go to a cubicle?"

"What in the hell are you doing here?" It was a silly question, the result of having been picked up by Lomas Lorenson, a business associate and my closest friend for over twenty years. I was bombed!

"Same as you, no doubt," came the placid reply, for nothing ever ruffles Lomas. "I'm not surprised when I meet a friend, but I'm just a little taken aback at meeting you. I'd no idea! In lifestyle and appearance you're so straight. What would the other yacht squadron members think of the Commodore?"

"I've no idea! Perhaps many of them come here. I don't know. It's all very confusing, and meeting you hasn't helped!"

"Only two or three members of the squadron come here. More of that later," Lomas added, hastily, as a third man entered. "Let's go to a cubicle."

Lomas, married to a TV personality, has three children, Jeremy, Gillian and Richard. He lived, I always believed, a straight life. We were very close, members of the same clubs, frequently drank, and, in my married life, dined with our wives at City Club. I was godfather to Jeremy, and often took he and the others sailing, usually dining with Lomas and Dorothy afterwards. Like me, Lomas had built a successful electronic company with worldwide agencies. Together we enjoyed the best life could offer: a close friendship, good wine and excitment in leisure, for we often raced our yachts against each other.

All this rushed through my mind as we headed down a passageway.

"You know, Lomas, I'm totally naive. I've had one brief encounter in a gay London club - that convinced me I'm gay."

"Good thing we meet, isn't it? There can be no embarrassment between such good friends."

"No embarrassment!" I blurted. "I'm terrified. With you I'll have to relive my inadequacies every time I see you. With a stranger, I could simply walk away."

We lay down in a small, dimly lit cubicle and talked in whispers. It seemed so strange adding this new dimension to our long and valued friendship.

As Lomas was gentle with me, I soon relaxed feeling nothing but relief, our accidental meeting quickly proving positive. Lying there, our bodies close and our hands exploring, was exciting, quite wonderful.

"I thought," I mused, "there was nothing I didn't know about you."

"Likewise!"

"Didn't you ever fancy me?"

"Oh, yes, many times, but you were so very straight. I thought any gay overtures might end our friendship. I couldn't bear the thought of that happening. There was also your company's policy of no employment to known gays. I thought that wicked ruling a bar to any suggestions of gayness from me. I only hope this new aspect brings us closer together."

"I'm sure it will, especially as I came here to find a solution to a bothersome problem. Perhaps I've found a solution in meeting you."

I outlined my idea for a companion. Lomas was intrigued, and more than willing to help.

"Brilliant! Why not look at the noticeboard in the lounge for accommodation wanted? Or, you could try a gay magazine - they run advertisements you know."

On my way at last! His were the first positive thoughts expressed, and coming from Lomas cancelled my doubts about adverts in gay magazines. Then Lomas said something which electrified me.

"You could accommodate two or three in that mansion of yours. You've got six bedrooms, or is it seven? Why not select two or three, or even four young men and have them come for the weekend. University students would your best bet. With your money you could become a patron of young, gay students, providing a stable and caring environment. If needs be, calls them lodgers, charge a nominal rental, and enjoy the company of these young studs. You've enough of everything to do as you please, so why not do as you please?"

I was convinced. With a plan partly formulated we rolled face-to-face, explored more of our appealing bodies, became passionate and climaxed. Oddly, there was no embarrassment, only mutual care and concern. It was good, a goodness which grew very quickly out of twenty years of straight friendship, years during which we'd shown each other nothing but that warmth which exists between men who are close friends. This new experience drew us closer together. We now had so much more to care for in each other, but agreed maintaining the straightness of the past would be difficult, especially in front of his family. We resolved to work at it, for we had no desire to destroy something we valued so highly.

The noticeboard held three possibilities, one local, and two from Rotorua, further south in the island. I copied the names and phone numbers. Lomas thought he knew the local boy's family.

"That could be Paul Knight," he said. "His father's a friend of ours, and Dorothy's surgeon. I remember his asking about accommodation last time we dined there. The phone number seems the same. Don't mention any of this if you ring. Best to make it an objective inquiry."

Finally, a short-list of five was compiled using the ads in a gay magazine. Feeling I 'd much phoning to do, I dressed, kissed Lomas good-bye and taxied home.

III

I first phoned SJ to outline my plans and ask her which of the first two weekends in December would be the more suitable. That settled, we briefly discussed the programme, beginning with dinner Friday and ending with lunch Sunday. I left SJ to organise the food. She's brilliant in the kitchen, but tactful enough to let me prepare a dish or two. She knows what I like to cook and plans accordingly.

That night I rang each of the listed young men. The first had found accommodation. From the voice on the phone, I wondered what I'd missed. The next three, Philip, Roger and the doctor's lad, Paul, were still looking. I was deliberately business-like, asking brief but relevant questions. My purpose, I explained, was to find a companion rather then a lodger. I explained about my list derived from a noticeboard and magazine ads, and the proposed weekend for interviews.

By the fourth call, I had my short-list of three. Paul would drive in from the Peninsular, and I arranged to meet Philip and Roger, both from Rotorua, at the airport.

The following days were beset with doubts. Was I doing a sensible thing? I must be mad to invite three strangers into my home. What if one was a thief using my hospitality to case the joint? I rang Lomas; he came immediately.

Lying close in the soothing waters of the spa, he talked long and rationally. I think he thought me a fool to worry, but I was entering a new world. It was alright for him, he knew this world. As he talked he named names: Professor This and Doctor That; the Reverend Mister; several eminent businessmen. I was acquainted with a number of the names, knowing two or three quite well. My fears again allayed, I felt reassured, especially when Lomas confessed he had been active since his early teens, starting at boarding school with a prefect.

We adjourned to bed, and my experience of gayness was considerable expanded. Lomas seemed to have made it his special responsibility to introduce me to all the facets of love making the gay way. It was all so beautiful, so warm, so gentle, so loving, so caring. Sex had never been like this. I responded to Lomas' gentle caresses. My prick became afire, my body yearned to know more, to do more. It was a passion I'd never known - a desire so exciting I could hardly keep from crying out to all the world, "I'm gay, and it's the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me!"

Alone again, I contemplated the weekend. I lived a high and complex lifestyle. I hoped my three young guests were the same, or could cope. From experience, young people adapt, quickly. I dismissed any thoughts of concern.

Tired but unable to sleep I returned to the sauna. Entering, I felt more comfortable, ready to experience what was on offer. I enjoyed the attention of several men, separately and in groups, excited by the touching and the sexual atmosphere created. I discovered I could be attractive to young men simply by lying in the communal relaxation area, waiting, erect and pounding, ready for action. Several young men, in turn, lay close to me, and we touched. The more contact I had, the more I wanted, and the more I realised what I had missed for so long. I began to look closely at these gay men, desirous of long and passionate encounters. Suddenly, I realised I was born to be gay. How I despised myself for all those wasted years!

I left the sauna, buoyant, feeling I had, at last, come to a better understanding of the gay world, my world. The planned weekend looked very promising, especially as I now had a better idea of what to do in bed. I could hardly wait.

IV

Over breakfast I re-read the profiles of each young guest, compiled from my phoned questions. I kept these brief - notes really - a habit I fell into in business. I read:
Philip: 20 - 2 yrs with forestry; begins science degree next year; interests - music, water sports, conversation; prefers private board; father accountant, mother nurse; home boy, polite, but can be the life of the party; honest and reliably, according to referee; wonderful cook.
Roger: 19 - just out of school; works in tourist industry part-time; uni. for music degree, flute and piano, sings; interests - music, art, tennis, squash; country lad, farm raised, father died recently following farm accident; solid young man with assured future, according to referee.
Paul: 20 - 2 yrs. selling medical instruments; uni. to study medicine; very intelligent young man; interests - theatre, people, water sports; father surgeon, mother artist; one of the best, according to employer: "Always a job here for Paul."

Finding SJ in the third bedroom, I helped her make-up the bed; a good opportunity to finalise the arrangements. Completed, I headed into the city for lunch with Lomas.

Poor Lomas must have grown tired of my entry into the gay world by this. I apologised again for my silly questions and indecisions, but was assured there was no need. Lomas was so understanding. We discussed the weekend as if organising a business conference; beneficial, for it allowed me to view it more objectively. As I told Lomas of the three young studs, I could see him getting aroused, behaviour which, in turn, excited me. Another new experience, which gave rise to thoughts about how often men got excited in public places over other men

"Often," Lomas assured me. "You just wait until you realise how wide our world really is. Then you'll start giving the eye to all kinds of men in all sorts of places. Now, be off with you, there's a plane to meet."

Dressed in the promised grey slacks and green blazer, I waited anxiously by the Hertz counter. Two young men, who had flown together and were now acquainted, approached. I saw an obvious surprise flicker across Philip's face as I opened the boot of the Benz. Roger made no comment, no gesture. Perhaps he was less expressive, or from a more sophisticated background. Whatever, he opted for a rear seat, Philip sitting next to me.

By the time we arrived at the house, SJ had welcomed Paul and settled him in. Hearing the car, both came out and introductions were repeated.

We retired to my study to discuss the ground rules for the weekend and the program for the evening. Each then moved to his room to shower and change into the supplied dress - a G-string. Another Lomas idea! What would I do without him?

By five-thirty we had assembled by the indoor pool, each dressed as requested. I couldn't have been more impressed. Each had a beautiful, well-cared for, well-developed body, a body which cried out for sex; with immaculate manners and a delightful, but individualistic, charm. Still wary, I poured the drinks and indicated the snacks, wondering how much of their behaviour was real, how much was theatrical. As we talked, I observed each closely.

Paul, with his fair hair, blue eyes and height, commanded attention. His body was evenly tanned, all over; around his neck hung an expensive gold chain, very heavy with thick links. His watch, I noted, was a Rolex. Money there I thought!

Philip was slightly taller, of Spanish extraction, I thought, from his dark hair and deep brown eyes. He was, I speculated, a fun lover, an opinion emphasised by the way he wore his G - pulled slightly to one side to reveal lush pubic hair which said, "Come on, get me!" Roger was the shortest with a solid sportsman's frame and firm muscles. Under a mob of thick, brown hair were withdrawn eyes, eyes which tended to observe the scene without revealing what they thought of it. I wondered what they thought of me, and the simple opulence of my home.

As far as I was concerned, I was elated at having three such fine young studs as guests, and wondered what the weekend might bring. I still felt a little hesitant about the whole affair. As we sipped our drinks, Paul began to talk about his lover, Lomas.

"Lomas?" I said.

"My father's friend, Lomas Lorenson."

I froze, but soon warmed to the ruse Lomas has organised as Paul continued, "We have been lovers for four years. It's very hard finding a time and place to be together, but now that Lomas knows about you, we feel this would be an ideal place to meet."

"Until recently, I thought him straight. He always has his wife on his arm at functions..."

"...and a boy on his prick at other times," interrupted Paul. "He gave me this chain and watch, but I can't wear them at home for obvious reasons. While dad's well-off, he couldn't run to $12,000 watches and $20,000 gold chains."

"That scoundrel engineered you here, didn't he?"

"Yes, Chris. Sorry if you object. He's so good to me, and I know you've known him for many years. He told me about meeting you at the sauna, and how surprised you both were."

"What do you mean by that?" said Philip.

I explained a little, and we laughed at the peculiar tricks life can play.

As SJ had gone home at five, I suggested my guests swim while I attended to the meal. Dinner would be served at eight.

I waited to inspect the merchandise when Gs came off, to see if my imagination had hung each with a suitable, full-blooded member. As I looked, I noted three other pairs of eyes were doing the same, assessing what was on offer. None had any reason to feel inadequate, for all were superbly well-endowed!

Before I had time to leave, Paul suggested sex first, swim second. I was stunned. I had not expected so sudden a move. Paul took my hand, and I led him to my room. Glancing back, I glimpsed Philip do the same to Roger. Although I had a king-sized bed, I didn't suggest a foursome. There was ample time for that, if things developed favourably.

As I walked toward my room, I began to feel a freedom previously unknown. Here was a beautiful young stud desirous of my body, and I old enough to be his father! I felt exhilarated and highly complimented.

Our session, though passionate, was brief. I didn't know how to sustain an erection under such passionate stimulation, exploding far too soon. Further, Paul wanted to know about me, rather than have a long session.

My story amazed him. Basically, I was a forty-eight-year-old virgin in matters gay, except for a few brief session, and some instruction from Lomas. I had never been fucked, never had a real session in bed, never been in love with a man. Now I had three young studs in my home, young men who were strangers, and I wanted one of them to live with me.

But, the kitchen called, a summons nudged on by hunger pains.

Settling down to brandy or port with cheese, dried fruits and coffee, I encouraged each to talk about his life and ambitions. I questioned closely Philip and Roger, as I needed to know more about them. The four of us fell into easy, homely conversation, all inhibitions seemingly overcome. This gay companionship proved wonderful, but would it last?

Suddenly Paul yawned and asked who should sleep with whom? Roger, quiet Roger, said, "As we're all wearing different coloured Gs, who not draw lots?" He vanished, returning with his overnight bag. "Right, Gs off and in here. Chris, as host, you draw the one who sleeps with you."

I did, and drew Roger, who smiled and said that's what he hoped would happen.

"I know we all look like shelled oysters, but we ought to put the dishes in the dishwasher before we retire. I hate early morning messes."

"Early morning? What do you mean, early morning?"

"I've a day arranged on the yacht. I would like to be away by nine at the latest."

The three simply looked at me in disbelief.

"All this an a yacht," exclaimed Roger, sweeping his arms in an arc.

"Yes, and a small chateau at Ohakune, for skiing, but, sorry, no Swiss Chalet or tropical island."

"And you want a lodger?" Roger sounded incredulous.

"No. I'm looking for company-friendship-companionship. If sex is involved, OK, but I need a companion to make this house a real home with laughter, tender loving care and good times. Understand?"

Three heads nodded in agreement.

"Now, sit down and listen. I've not much to say, but now seems a good time to say it. It will clear the air for the rest of the weekend. I'm a wealthy, retired computer software manufacturer. I don't do things on impulse, that's why you're here for the weekend. A kind of selection process as I explained on the phone. As a businessman I'm used to selecting people to work for me. I can spot falseness, so don't be false. I can spot insincerity, so don't be insincere. And, despite the grog served, I can't stand drunks. I've never been drunk, and won't associate with people who are. Too untrustworthy. Alcohol lubricates the tongue. Tomorrow we go sailing. Everything you do, and how you do it will be noted, as it has been this evening. Don't worry, I'm a fair man, and won't be unfair in my treatment of you. Now, friends, the dishes, and then to bed."

Roger and I fell on to my bad, both tired from the strain of the day, for it had been a strain; the excitment of meeting new people is always a strain, not to mention the preparation for three guests. Although I felt only two beds would be used, three guest rooms were prepared to maintain appearances for SJ's benefit. I couldn't have her suspicious; it was difficult enough convincing her to leave at five, for she insisted on staying to cook and serve the meal. Imagine a conservative, middle-aged spinster serving gay, G-string attired men at dinner!

After a few minutes of silence, Roger's hand took mine as he said, "I'm so glad you drew me. I think you're wonderful. You're so kind, so gently, so generous and full of fun. In some ways you're like my father. You know he's dead. Now, the only way I can attend university is to study part-time and work part-time, with relatively cheap board. Somehow, having met you, I feel safe and know things will be OK."

As I rolled over and folded him in an embrace, I wondered whether his story was a sob story designed to make me select him. It was obvious he was the least well-off of the three - no flash clothing, well-worn overnight bag. But, he appeared so withdrawn. Did I want a withdrawn companion? Or was it that his withdrawn state resulted from his father's death? Perhaps he was simply overcome by the attention and the surroundings.

Suddenly I realised he was crying, very gently. I held him closely and spoke of my doubts about his story. Cruel of me, I know, but we had so little time. He replied by elaborating on his life, saying how difficult it had been completing his final year at high school, his father being so ill after the accident. He had found a holiday job in a hotel, and the management was happy to find work for him at their Auckland branch. This was a good recommendation. He was, he claimed, helping to support the farm as it was difficult to sell. His story matched his referee's account of him. He'd the necessary get up and go to do well. However, it was a pathetic story. My phoning to invite him to stay brought a ray of hope. His mother, he said, knew he was gay, and accepted it. Provided I was "respectable" and offered an affordable place in my home, she had no objections.

It was quite a shock realising I, too, was being assessed. I hadn't been assessed for years, and the idea took some getting used to.

Much gentleness passed between us as we kissed and caressed. He was very good, very experienced. The session was passionate, our bodies lusting for each other, craving the satisfaction which I now knew only gay love could bring. His erect member was delicious to the taste as I massaged it with my lips. I made a mental note to have as much of this as possible, especially when Roger moved and kissed and then sucked my erection while I was mouthing his. Finally, our climaxes left us warm and spent. In a gently held embrace we fell asleep.

V

Saturday dawned bright and clear, with a gentle breeze. Ideal for sailing to Musick Point. It wasn't far, but knowing nothing of my guests' abilities at sea, I thought a short sail my best bet. The inlet behind Musick Point afforded excellent swimming.

By noon we were famished. Sailing and swimming are demanding activities. Drinks were in order, Philip serving them with flair.

Philip had also laid out lunch, a meal thoroughly enjoyed. and washed down with a fine Sauvignon Blanc. While the apple strudel was being warmed, we bunked down. And, so, while bobbing about on the waters off Musick Point, I made beautiful music with Roger, and was fucked. Try as I might, I couldn't understand why I had been deprived of such a glorious sensation for so long. Hungry, I asked the others to follow Roger's lead. I didn't have to ask twice! As I lay there tingling from the sensation, Roger came over and embraced me. The kissing became passionate, as tongue fought tongue for the advantage. I felt I was falling in love with this boy, this quiet, solid, intelligent stud with the desirable member and beautiful body. If all my days and nights to come were to be filled with love so beautifully expressed, I wanted for nothing else in the world.

On the return voyage, I thought how well I related to Roger, and how effortlessly Philip would relate to SJ. What a team those two would make in the kitchen! Paul was, of course, highly cultivated and sophisticated, slotting easily, it would seem, into any situation. If Lomas was Paul's lover, it stood to reason that Paul was reliable and trustworthy. Lomas had too much to lose for this not to be the case. I looked forward to seeing them together.

But, what of Roger? He seemed reliable, and today much more open. Perhaps he was right to guard his outwardness. The story of his family life and the loss of his father were genuine. He'd completed his high school final year under trying conditions. In order to be doubly sure, I'd rung his mother before breakfast to ask her about the family and to assure her Roger was in good health, good spirits and good hands. Her relief, through tears, was obvious.

Philip was something of a puzzle. He'd said nothing much about his family life. In fact, he'd really only talked about me, the house and what we'd done since we met. I looked at him, catching a troubled expression on his face. What was that boy hiding? I needed to know before I decided on who would win my heart and home.

Once home, we congregated in the spa, to relax and talk. As I wanted to speak to Philip, I sat next to him. We caressed gently, his fingers moving with an assurance backed by experience. As Roger's lips sought Paul's, Philip's sought mine. Talking was out of the question! It was so pleasant we idled away too long in loving embraces. I found the water increased the sensation when my member was fondled, a comment agreed to by the others.

"Gentlemen, enough. Showers please. There's a taxi due at seven."

A naked ballet followed as we leapt from the spa and headed, in pairs, for the shower. We barely had time for a drink before the taxi honked, and we were off to dinner at my favourite restaurant.

By midnight, we had stripped and gathered around the pool. It seemed my guests had enjoyed the day, and the evening, beyond words adequate to express their delight. In fact, it was freely admitted that the thought of a weekend with a man my age held little interest. They had come for the freebie, but the experience had changed that negative view.

Although it was late, and we were tired, I had reached a decision. If I got it off my chest now, we could have tomorrow without the artificial atmosphere my plan created, subtly, yes, but still imposing itself on us. Would they like my decision? "Yes, please," came the chorused reply.

"Well, friends, you have out-smarted me and put me in a ridiculous position which is really my fault as I began it. My plan was stupid, the result of not knowing what would happen if I was in an all gay environment and required to make impossible decisions. You are three fun-loving young men. Today has proved that. Any one of you would fulfil my needs, each giving me an aspect of companionship in relation to your individual personality. Therefore, if you agree, my house is your home. I can't decide which one of you to select so I'll be greedy and have you all!"

There was a stunned silence. A gasp of disbelief. Finally, Paul managed a "Why?"

"I'm not looking forward to a life of retirement in this big house. I know too many of my staff and associates who have retired and were forgotten in a matter of weeks. Although I'm at the top of the business ladder, it'll be no different for me. I want to lead a fulfilling life, a life I've been forced to suppress for fear of social ridicule and business isolation. You're the answer to my needs: three young men who need me as much as I need them, but for different reasons. Roger, you've told me of your circumstances. I have double checked. Your mother is happy for you to stay here, for staying here will mean full-time study and security without the need of employment. As you need, or rather, as we do not need to hear you practice, I'll turn my wife's sewing room into a music room. It should hold a piano and a desk. Would that be suitable?"

At this point, Roger burst into tears, and rushed into my arms. I held him while he regained his composure.

"Of course it'll do," he said, when he was able. "it's far too generous. I won't let you down, Chris. Promise."

"I know you won't! Paul, you're Lomas' lover. As a favour to my dearest friend you're invited to stay. Then Lomas will have access to you without creating all sorts of lies and stories which can trip and cause embarrassment. I also like you very much, not to mention the fact that you're wonderful in bed. Philip, I've been given no reason by you for showing you a special favour, but your father has, on the phone this evening. I now of your sorrow, and it deeply upset me. To suffer the death of a close friend is bad enough, but for the poor boy to die of AIDS, through no fault of his own, is tragic. Far too many infected units of blood have been given to haemophiliacs, and others. It's too horrible to think about. I hope that by staying here you'll be able to come to terms with your grief and get along with your studies. You're more than welcome. Now, Roger, play wine waiter. There's champagne over there in the bar fridge. We'll drink a glass to a happy, caring, loving household. That'll welcome you to my home as my selected family. Then, to bed. While Roger does battle with the cork, let me tell you about tomorrow. I suggest a working breakfast at eight-thirty. We need to discuss the ins and outs of our living arrangements. Paul, as you know the way, would you go to the airport in my car to meet some luncheon guests? I'll give you the flight details afterwards. I'm putting Roger on home duties, and shooting Philip into the kitchen to help SJ. I'll do the table. There'll be fifteen for lunch. Good, the champers! Here, you wonderful studs, a toast to a happy and loving household. Welcome to my home, now to be known as our home."

"If you keep dropping these surprises I doubt if any of us will survive here," expostulated Roger.

"But, this is how I live. I can't change overnight, but I'll moderate my behaviour by the time you return. Naturally, we'll all go through an adjustment period. For the present, let's just get on with the luncheon party. Adjustments will come automatically as we settle into a routine. And now to bed!"

At times I can be a devil, at other times, a saint. Today I decided to be a devilish devil. Perhaps I mean a saintly devil? I don't know. Sufficient to say, I rang all the parents and Lomas and his wife and family inviting them to lunch. I could see no point in doing this lodger business unless I did it properly. Although only Roger's mum and Lomas knew of the gay aspects of the arrangements, it was, I thought, wise to let all concerned see that it was a normal household and highly respectable. It doubtless sounds daft, but it was the way I wanted to play this exciting, dangerous game. When all was said and done, it was my money. After checking the security of the house, I headed for my room only to find three beautiful bodies on my bed, erect, waiting for me to join them, in what was to become an absolutely inexplicable experience.

VI

Our working breakfast began on time. Was this to impress me, I thought, or were they punctual by nature? Naturally, I'd been up earlier to prepare my proposals, an easy task, and to cook breakfast. I hoped my proposals would be acceptable to each without any embarrassment.

I decided to make the financial arrangements fit Roger's pocket, for he was the least financial. Each would have free use of the house to suit their individual needs for a weekly "rent" of $35, money I would place in a community kitty for use as each required. That amount included everything. My home was to become their home, each with his own bedroom-study and bathroom, and the freedom to have friends stay the night.

To me, this sounded excessively generous. I wondered how they would view it. Perhaps they would think I was a softie - not quite right in the head. Time would tell.

After breakfast was eaten, I took the chair. ":Boys, for the want of a better word, let me outline my proposals." I proceeded to list the conditions. There was another stunned silence. When I'd finished, Roger spoke up.

"That's living here for nothing!"

"I know."

"Can you afford it? Being well-off is one thing, having endless money is another. As Mum would say, one young male mouth to feed is bad enough. But, you want to feed three!"

"Don't you read the financial pages of the paper?"

"No. Why?" came Roger's brief answer and terse question.

"If you did, you'd know that very recently I cold my company for $116.4 million. My total wealth comes to round $128 million. It's all secure. My income runs into thousands per day. I'm doing what I want to do, and I'd be delighted if you'd let me do it my way and accept the offer. This weekend has given me a freedom I didn't know existed. You boys and Lomas have given me a new life. Let me repay you the only way I can."

"Thank you, Chris, for all of us. We agree, I'm sure, to your offer, ridiculous though it seems. We never realised it would be free accommodation. It's just unbelievable." Roger said it beautifully, showing that he was now completely out of his withdrawn state.

"But why," he asked, "the $35 per week?"

"To ally your parents' suspicions. Roger, you're OK, your Mum knows you're gay and understands. Imagine the reaction of Paul's parents, not to mention how yours would react, Philip. We need, as we agreed, a mask of respectability, of straightness. We must understand the dangers of expressing our gayness to the world at large. Please don't think, Roger and Philip, that the big city gives you anonymity, or that the Human Rights Act automatically gives you rights. An act of parliament doesn't change the attitudes of society. That kind of thing takes years to effect. The act is only the beginning. Listen carefully to Paul. He knows the scene; he's experienced and will, I know, emphasise my fears of what exposure can do to you. It's possibly OK to be open and truthful after you've made it in life and gained security. I don't know how it would affect your chances of gaining that security if you came out now. I've no desire to blemish careers, yours or mine.

"Now, we've an army coming to lunch. Paul, as agreed, you head for the airport. Allow an hour for travel. It'll take you longer in a strange car. Roger, the rooms, and do strip all the beds, even though you're staying until Tuesday. I suggest you soak the clean linen in the machine, leaving the dirty linen in the basket, to avoid suspicion. Dear me, what a lot of intrigue, but I suppose it's now a way of life. Philip, I hear SJ arriving. Clear this mess away and tell SJ you're the kitchen boy for today. Help, look at the time! Paul, the car! Flight numbers and names are on a card tucked into the dashboard - here are the keys. GO!"

In no time at all, Roger had the one used room in tidy order and had stripped and remade three beds with clean linen. Popping along to my room, I found him stripping my bed. I closed the door. Five minutes of passion resulted. He was so good: young, virile and passionate. His mouth couldn't be kissed enough, his member throbbed to be sucked. We stayed too long, for it satisfied us in the extreme. We were very good together. I fully believed I had fallen in love!

Roger found me in the dining room and helped me lay the table. I was glad of his assistance as I had seemingly endless glasses to polish and fifteen places to set. As he worked, I noted how well-trained his Rotorua hotel experience had made him. We could hear peels of laughter in the kitchen. Obviously Philip and SJ were hitting if off as I expected they would. An aroma drifting into the dining room was tantalising. Lunch promised to be up to standard.

By twelve-thirty all fifteen were enjoying a champagne punch on the terrace. I examined each group. Lomas and Dorothy looked the perfect couple, Lomas showing not a glimmer of his love for Paul. In fact, the Lorenson family looked too perfect, the three youngsters reflecting the superior manners, speech and dress of their parents. If only they knew!

I noted how easily Lomas related to his surgeon friend, David Knight; how willing Philip's father was to talk money matters, and how warmly he greeted me. He, at least, had read the financial pages! Roger's Mum, a charming lady, matched, comfortably with Philip's Mum. I hoped they would become friends as they both lived in Rotorua.

We moved into lunch - a joyous meal with SJ, as she often did, playing hostess, Roger served the wine and I carved the roast of beef.

With only the coffee left to serve, I indicated I'd something to say. Standing, I outlined my financial position, Lomas' suggestion that I become a patron to university students, the loss of my Wife, and my need for companionship in retirement. I told how, answering ads for several weeks, I'd interviewed many young men before I found these three. My explanations, devoid of the personal arrangements, seemed adequate. Coffee arrived to crown another Winton success.

The afternoon saw a series of departures: Paul with his four passengers to the airport; Paul's parents, happy with the arrangements; and finally Lomas and his lot. I took Lomas quietly aside and said, "Come back later this evening. Paul will still be here. Roger is staying over until Tuesday, too." Lomas' face was wreathed in delight.

When Paul returned, I let Roger tell him Lomas was due back later. Paul was delirious, donning the Rolex and the chain in celebration and expectation.

Lomas arrived and he and Paul vanished like a magician's trick. Taking Roger by the hand I took him to my room, whispering as we went, "We'll leave them alone. I'm sure you and I can indulge ourselves quite happily."

In a world of passion, climax followed climax until the radio-clock rudely interrupted. I turned, again, to embrace Roger, but there was no Roger. As I rolled back my buttock nestled on a cold, damp patch. Strange for the bed to be wet, but my tingling prick afforded an explanation. I checked Paul's room. No Paul! No Lomas! I checked the rest of the house, especially the laundry. No dirty linen! I staggered to my desk where the calendar read "Thursday". I reeled. Thursday? Had I slept for three days and four nights? No! If it's Thursday, I'm due in Wellington. I checked my flight and asked if it really was Thursday. I'm sure the girl thought me crazy.

I walked around the house, again. Yes, I was alone and had been all the time. The dream, however, had worked wonders. I realised I now knew exactly how to resolve my companionship problem. I thought I knew before I slept, but now I was certain. The vivid dream had convinced me, utterly, that my plan would work.

But, for now, there was a plane to board, a Wellington meeting to attend. I packed my papers, a change of clothing, and dressed. There was, after all, a gay sauna in Wellington. I could relax more easily there. And, of course, I still had the business of finding "lodgers".

Ready, I headed for the capital, determined to enjoy in life what had been so deliciously displayed in an extended, erotic dream. Naturally, I changed my bed and soaked the sheets before I left. No point in arousing SJ's suspicions.

PART TWO

VII

The Wellington sauna was very educational and entertaining. Erotic would be the best word to describe it. The range of ages, nationalities and occupations amazed. And, yes. the posters were as erotic as I expected they would be. Naturally, I had contact with as many as were interested, learning quickly that some men turned me on, others turned me off, while others simply didn't attract. To make sweet music I needed a partner who would stimulate and be sensitive and, above all, attractive. A careful "buyer", I spent a long time inspecting the merchandise. I didn't want to make a fool of myself so I looked over each man with a careful eye. How uninhibited should I be? It seemed, after a little while that I could do anything I liked. Obviously, some were embarrassed and hastily stopped sucking or touching a throbbing erection when I entered the sauna or the steam, while others restricted wandering hands in the spa. I understood this because I felt the same, only more so. Honestly, I didn't know what to do or how far to go. As I have said, my only experience was a brief encounter in a London club. There a nice young lad approached me quite openly and caressed my member through a towel. I rose to firm heights very smartly, touching him in return. As I had not come for several days I creamed very quickly. And that was that, except it gave me an appetite for the gay life. I left the club without taking advantage of the other features on offer. I suppose my emotional state did that. What straight man after his first gay encounter is rational?

Now free of all business responsibilities I could enter this fascinating world and be as open as I wished. Nothing could or would stop my captivation of the gay, gay life. While I enjoyed the freedom and fun of the sauna, and the men who came to caress me, I still had this bothersome idea of a gay companion to solve. As I lay in the darkness, I kept reliving parts of that extraordinary erotic dream, a fantasy which gave me lots of ideas as well as presenting an enigma. Was Lomas, my dear old friend, gay? I resolved to find out later as I would have to plan such an inquiry very carefully. For now, I had the companion problem so solve, a problem I resolved to settle as soon as possible, for having dreamed of Paul and Philip and Roger the idea gave me electric feelings and created wonderfully stimulating pulsations in my member. I would have one more session in the sauna, shower and then inspect the noticeboard I'd spied in the entrance foyer.

One advert took my attention and created considerable interest. A university student wanted private board in Auckland from mid-December for fifteen months. The advertiser was Thai, twenty-three years old, a graduate in political science transferring to Auckland University for his master's degree. With work to do from mid-December, he wanted immediate board. The ad said ring after five.

As the clock had just pinged five, I dressed, asked for a free pass to return that evening and headed for my hotel. Rama answered the purring buzz of the phone. His voice was beautifully modulated, his English superb. Yes, he was free; of course he would join me for dinner at six-thirty. I thought it best if we inspected each other on neutral territory so I suggested a sauna later in the evening. If I didn't like the merchandise I could call it a night there and then and simply walk away. If he came to my hotel room there might be all sorts of complications and difficulties in his going if he proved sexually unsatisfactory. I gave my name as Timothy and arranged to meet at a hotel different to the one where I stayed. I couldn't help noticing the difference between this cloak and dagger arrangement and the brazen carefree approach of the dream. Naturally I felt doubtful, hesitant, and still a little frightened of the outcome.

While I had numerous Asian friends and associates, and had stayed in their homes in Thailand, Hong Kong and Singapore, I didn't know how I would relate to one living in my house, even one as Westernised as this young stud appeared to be. But, he provided a way of getting to know the gay world, of finding a source of supply, for I was determined to house university students as a result of my dream. Yes, I fancied myself a patron of young university students and wondered how I would ever be able to tell Lomas it was all his doing - a glib remark in a dream! I could hear his laughing and saying, "Don't be ridiculous". Perhaps this plan of mine was ridiculous. Perhaps I headed for an ill-wind situation. Perhaps I would live to regret it. I had cold feet and feelings of doubt, doubts which grew in strength as I sat in that hotel foyer waiting for an unknown person to arrive and enter my life to a degree I could very well live to regret. Still, caution is better than irresponsibility, I thought, as a shadow fell across me and that well modulated phone voice asked, "Timothy?"

Surprisingly, he stood at nearly six feet, taller than I had expected for a Thai, and beautifully proportioned. Clearly a sportsman. His soft, smiling face had a warmth about it I liked. He flashed perfect teeth.

"Hello!" I greeted as I stood. The pleasantries over I asked, "Do you know a good Thai restaurant?"

He did only a short walk away. We dined in the most appealing room, accompanied, to my surprise, by easy and open conversation - at least open on his side. I kept a reserve, not wanting to give too much away until my mind became certain that I should.

He was, he said, Thai by birth. His mother was French. His father had been the Thai ambassador to the USA and later at the Court of St James. This allowed him to be educated in the USA and England. He arrived in new Zealand in a roundabout was to study political science in Wellington. His first degree completed, he was now transferring to Auckland for graduate studies. He would like, he emphasised, to be settled in Auckland by the end of next week.

"What sports do you play?" The question aimed at extending talk about himself.

"Soccer and squash..."

"I'm a squash man myself and I enjoy yachting. I've never played soccer. It wasn't a big sport when I was at school, but I have joined in an informal game or two for fun on picnics and the like. I do enjoy a friendly game. Now that I've retired I may join a twilight cricket club. That could be fun."

"...but soccer is my main game. I've a university blue for soccer and I've played for the Wellington provincial team," he continued, ignoring my rude interruption.

The merchandise he displayed as we undressed delighted. He exhibited an extremely fine physique adorned with a very attractive member which hung from a forest of rich black hair.

We showered and had a long sauna then moved to a cubicle to relax. I found him intriguing. As we talked we began to caress as if that was the most natural thing to do. Our hands explored. Soon we held a tight embrace, passions afire and members throbbing with desire. I felt quite complimented he being happy with an older man. I hoped it wasn't an ploy to gain lodgings!

Holding him gently I began to outline my position. I told him only as much as I felt he ought to know at this point: my wife's death, my retirement, my need for companionship. I added I may take more than one student into my home. I suggested he think about my proposal and meet me the next day for lunch. He agreed.

We resumed our passion and soon climaxed. Yes, he was good, experienced, gentle, sensitive and very loving. In my limited gay experience he came up as number one. But, I wasn't going to be carried away by his charm and sexual attributes. I needed to look around for he wasn't the only fish in the sea. There were other yet to meet. However, I felt if nothing else I'd made a positive start.

At lunch the next day he accepted my offer. I could expect him today week, a Friday. Eagerly he accepted my idea and we returned to the sauna for the afternoon where we could learn more about each other. Then he would drive me to the airport in time for a light meal and my flight to Auckland.

The return visit to the sauna was even more enjoyable than the night before. I became more adventurous with my first experience of oral sex. His member tasted delicious as I ran my tongue along the length of his firm shaft, finally encouraging him to climax as I sucked him up and down, up and down.... It didn't take much encouragement! And, how I loved the taste of his juice - sweet and creamy! Almost immediately I creamed into his mouth - an erotic experience I will remember for the rest of my life. We lay there not speaking just content to be close in a gentle, caring embrace - two men loving each other in a way I never imagined possible..

Friday came all too slowly. I desperately wanted him to arrive. I took great pains to create a cover story for SJ - nephew Bill rang from Wellington asking if I could accommodate his friend for a few months - as I didn't want her suspicions. I prepared the larger of the spare rooms, but resolved he could pick another if he so wished. I purchased a work station, a reading lamp and bookshelves to supplement the bed and other conventional bedroom furniture, as he would need a bedroom-study, not just a place to sleep. By the time I'd finished I was more than pleased with the pleasant atmosphere created: a charming room doubling as a work room, with a real masculine feel about it. Well, I thought so! Perhaps he wouldn't. Using my dream as a guide, and because it was a hot December, I left a G-string folded in his bath towels.

The sight of his arriving G-string clad by the pool gave me an idea. As it was only mid-afternoon I rang Lomas and asked him for drinks on his way home. Nothing unusual in that, for we often met for drinks after work especially on a Friday. Today was different. I had to put Lomas to the gay test. My plan was simple. Rama would stay in his G, I would wear swimmers. Rama would be introduced as my new lodger with a casual mention of my needing companionship. I would say just enough, but enough to raise Lomas' interests if he was inclined the gay way. Dangerous? Yes, but I had to know. The dream drove me on. If need be, I could always pass it off as innocent fun before it got out of hand. Something deep inside told me I needn't worry; at least I hoped I wouldn't need to worry.

We swam and then lounged on the poolside mattress, fondling, kissing, sucking, feeling each other and hugging as we felt inclined. This being together in a gay relationship was absolute bliss. Would it continue? Would it continue....

Lomas arrived. He must have summed up the situation very quickly but said nothing. He took the spare costume and vanished, returning naked. As he entered the pool house he exclaimed, "I don't know why you bother with clothing of any sort. Life is much better naked."

"You know?"

"Know? I've known for ages. I've been waiting for an opportunity like this, but it never seemed to come. Your voice on the phone sounded so different. When I saw this lovely boy in such provocative dress, I knew you were gay. My prayers were answered after twenty years of longing. You've no idea the number of times I've creamed fantasising over you. And now it's all a reality."

I stood in utter amazement not only at his openness but also at the length of his member. I'd often showered with him on holiday but I'd never taken any notice of his equipment. Now I saw it, long and thick and rising ready for action out of a lush growth of black hair. It look delicious, as did his whole body.

We embraced none too gently, pushing our hard, erect and pulsating members into each other as we rubbed crutches together and clenched our arms around our now pulsating bodies. Another part of the dream had come true! Delicious!

Rama and I exchanged winks as I led Lomas toward my room. This was a private matter this first sexual encounter with my oldest and dearest friend. I felt Lomas would feel the same.

We stood by my bed locked in a close, but now gentle embrace, each discovering the other in a new light. There was no hurry. Rama would amuse himself quite easily and the look he gave us said he understood. I was learning gay men understood so much.

Lomas' body was covered in a lush growth of hair over a well kept, tanned physique. A real bear of a man. Of course, I'd seen it before but never through the knowledge I now had of him, a knowledge which spoke volumes about what I'd missed during all those years.

We stood for some time just in an embrace as if trying to fully understand what had happened. Slowly we began to explore each other. Lomas had the most amazing touch, his fingertips stimulating my body with electric tingles that ran up and down in the most erotic way. My member rose as it not done for years as Lomas took it in his fingers and firmly stroked it.

Simultaneously, we fell to the bed.

Passions blazed immediately. We entwined our bodies and held an extended, passionate and very energetic kiss. As we caressed I felt an urgency to suck his prick. I moved down his body kissing his breasts as I went, leaving them moist enough for an effective finger massage while I sucked that brilliant weapon. As my mouth moved along his shaft, Lomas became ecstatic.

"Where did you learn to suck like that?"

"Rama taught me in Wellington last week."

"Good Lord, only last week! I'm only the second person you've sucked?"

"Yes."

"I can't believe it. Your tongue and lips are wonderful."

I kissed him passionately, nibbled his breasts and returned to the massage of his raging erection now running my tongue over it as I massaged his nipples before I engulfed that pulsating fuck stick with my mouth. As Lomas was mounting a climax I eased off but not before he moaned, in ecstasy, "Fuck me, my dearest Chris, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me. I've waited so long for you to fuck me I can't wait any longer. I want all of you deep inside of me so I can ride you to a heavenly climax."

"I will if you help. I've never fucked a man before."

"Right! Excuse me a sec. Need to get Rama to bring condoms and lubricant from the car. Rama! Here a minute, please."

With the equipment on the way, Lomas apologised for the protective shield pointing out that while we are the closest of friends risks should not be taken.

"I couldn't agree more," I said.

Lomas put a condom in his mouth and, in a manner I'd not seen before, used his lips and tongue to roll it down over my throbbing prick. Dressed ready for action we returned to our fondling and caressing while Lomas gave me the ground rules for fucking.

"I love taking it, but taking it from you will be very special. Do be careful. Your head is rather large. I suggest you finger fuck me first. Try to get two or three fingers in and massage my rose as you go. That will open me up."

While Lomas sucked my balls and then lubricated my prick, I massaged his fuck hole using my fingers to stimulate him as much as I could. How warm and moist and succulent it felt inside his rose! Reaching heights of excitment I'd not seen in any man before, Lomas rolled over and I slowly and exotically slipped my pulsating rod into his tunnel of love.

While I'd fucked women thousands of times before, I'd never experienced the movement and the tightness Lomas was able to generate with his muscles. He clenched me tightly, so very tightly, moving up and down on my fuck stick until I was about to cream.

"Stop," I whispered, "or I'll come!"

"Lie very still."

We did, and I discovered another new experience - lying thrust deep into a man while with my greased hands I fondled a massive, pulsing member. I found Lomas responded on my prick if I ran my fingers around his balls and up and over his prick. Wild with excitment, and having lost a little of the desire to discharge my load, I tried to push further and further in as Lomas asked for deeper penetration.

No wonder, I thought, gay men rave over fucking. I'd heard them at the sauna saying how brilliant it was, especially with an uninhibited man - and Lomas was certainly that.

As if by some mental telepathy, I felt my cream surging along my fuck stick just as Lomas' prick stiffened noticeably in my hands and he pushed down extra hard on my fuck stick clenching it very tightly with his buttock muscles. We creamed together, Lomas asking me to rub harder as vast drops of cum from his magnificent weapon spilled across the sheet. Collecting some in my hand, I rubbed it into his cock and over his balls. Lomas loved every minute of it, every movement of my hand, rolling on the bed in uninhibited ecstasy

Drained, I withdrew and fell back on the bed, my head swimming with the same ecstasy Lomas has let me feel from his body. Lomas rolled on his side and, with his head propped up on his arm, looked down at me. He had the most contented look on his face - a look of love, satisfaction, care, achievement. In that moment, when gaze met gaze, I knew I loved him passionately and that nothing would ever be the same again.

As I was about to say, "I love you", he put his finger on my lips.

"I know you love me, it's in you eyes, your smile, your radiant glow. I've loved you, my dearest Christopher, for twenty years. For twenty years I've wanted what I've just had from you, and now I'm the happiest of men for you've made love to me and done it so very well. What a glorious fuck! Now, I'm yours in so many extra special ways. But, we must not be possessive. You've Rama to make love with, and I've my youthful lover to satisfy. Over and above all of that is our love, and this is so precious, so valuable, so much desired by both of us."

We embraced for a long time, eventually rising for a shower together - what a joyous experience as we lathered each other and touched bodies in an erotic way - and a reunion with Rama who was discrete enough not to ask any questions. Perhaps our radiant expressions told him all he wanted to know.

"Drinks! We need to toast so many things. Lomas, embrace my lovely companion while I pour a whisky."

We lounged and tippled while I told them about my dream which intrigued Lomas especially when he heard he'd suggested the whole idea. When I'd finished Lomas told us he had a friend in Russell who wanted accommodation. Ian had enrolled at the university to study architecture. Could I help with accommodation?

The similarity between the dream and the reality of what we now heard from Lomas hit home very hard. I had often heard of dreams coming true, and here was one doing just that. I asked Lomas to tell us more about Ian.

"I met Ian in Russell three years ago while on a yachting holiday. He'd just turned seventeen when we met in the changing rooms where I'd gone to look for some excitment. He'd one year more at boarding school in Auckland. That was exciting for I saw him regularly. Naturally, I was very careful, booking a motel some distance from the school. We'd have dinner and sex about once every two or three weeks. Then, he engineered his way into my family by hanging about the yacht while we spent Easter in Russell. Of course, Jeremy got to know him, Ian saw to that, and we asked him to come sailing with us. Somehow he just settled into the family in the most natural way possible. Then, his parents came to meet us and we became friends. Do invite him down. I'm sure his parents would be pleased if you would help him out with board. And, I'd love you even more for it because I'd have open access to his incredible love! Please Christopher, indulge me."

"Timothy," corrected Rama.

"No, Christopher. I forgot to correct my deceit, a cover I used when we met in case we didn't hit it off. With a false name I'd be harder to find. Did you notice I didn't say which hotel I was staying at? I let you assume it was the one where we met. It wasn't."

"Good for you Chris. That's the way to do it. Be cautious until you're sure, or as sure as you can be. I'm sure you have no doubts about this lovely young man. He's divine. Why don't we all make good use of your lovely big bed?"

After Lomas had gone, we returned to the pool, lay down and talked some more. Rama was intrigued by my intrigue expressing amazement that I was so new to the scene and saying how my love making was so great. He felt sure I was a gay from way back with much experience. We lay and caressed and embraced until the pangs of hunger moved me to suggest food.

VIII

Lomas rang to say his friend, Ian, would be down on Sunday. Would it be OK if he stayed, or was he rushing me into things too quickly?

"Fine," I assured him. "Is he driving himself? Has he directions?" He had. Lomas left nothing to chance, stating he would be around for drinks about four-thirty.

The days passed in conviviality. Rama was just what I needed, a mature gay, happy to agree with everything I said regarding sex and to be companionable. Having much to learn, I was more than willing for him to teach me. His gay life extended back some six years into his early youth, but he'd not lived in a relationship.

"It was always brief stands in hostel bedrooms," he explained, "quickies, for fear of being caught. There's no privacy in a university hostel, and it's so hard to keep quiet when you're passionate. If you turn the radio up to drown out the sounds, people who knock know you're at home. I found the saunas great places for pleasure, relaxation and sex. I met a number of fellow students there, but didn't tell them where I lived although they said they knew me by sight. Like you, I kept my identity secret. I didn't want to do anything to cancel my student's visa. It's often hard enough getting one extended without complications. You home is obviously a safe house. That brings on a tremendous feeling of relief. I don't think I'd have know you were gay if we'd met in straight society."

"I didn't know I was gay either until a hotel waiter in London realised I was and sent me to a gay club for a sauna. There I realised I had leanings that way. That was six or seven months ago."

Within days we were old friends, both claiming the other so easy to live with. We took little for granted and did not impose. During those early days there was only one moment of disagreement.

"You won't pay any board until you're sure you want to stay," I said.

"But, I know I want to sat. My room's beyond description; five-star comfort. The whole house is a dream, as is the cooking not to mention SJ, herself. I want to stay, and I would be obliged if you'd take my money."

"No, it's too soon. Wait for a week or two. Have a holiday here before we discuss the financial arrangements. Don't worry, I can afford it. I'm not exactly broke so no more mention of this until I return to it later."

"But..."

"No buts. On this issue you'll have to do as you're told!"

Ian arrived in time for lunch on the following Sunday. I wasn't surprised by his appearance. Any lover of Lomas would be superior, and this lad was certainly that. The only blemish to his fair-headed, blue-eyed appearance was a scar on his forehead.

"Rugby, last season," he explained. "Got kicked in the head by a Rotorua boy. Accidental, but very painful at the time. I think I'll give rugby away. Don't want any more accidents."

After one of SJ's famous light lunches, omelette and salad, we moved to the pool house and swam and lounged until SJ had left for home.

"Now," I began, :"we can relax. Ian, Lomas will be here later so I don't suppose you would like to..."

"Yes, please, a threesome would be excellent. I've never had one before."

"Neither had I until last Friday with Rama and your precious Lomas. Before it was just in the sauna. Fun, but not as much fun, or as enjoyable as it is here lying for as long as we like without fear of interruption, or the arrival of an unattractive person. Let's to bed!"

I could see no point in stopping before Lomas arrived so we took it slowly and stayed spread out on my bed, an orgy of three men who were obviously very attracted to each other.

Lomas was soon in bed with us - four physically cared for bodies, sportsmen of no mean achievement, tenderly loving each other with kisses, caresses, fondling and tight embraces.

Taking young Rama by the hand I whispered, "Let's go." He understood. Lomas and Ian had serious love-making to do, and we knew they would appreciate the privacy.

As we walked to the pool, I couldn't help but feel I'd a second "lodger", a young man who had much to give out home in more ways than one; a charmer with a member any man would be more than proud to own. Lomas had definitely picked a good one.

Later, very much later, Ian and Lomas joined us, Ian wearing nothing but a heavy gold chair.

"It's an early Christmas present from Lomas," he explained. "Chris, can I leave it here? My parents would have a dink fit if they saw it."

I wondered at the cost. Even in nine carat gold it would cost a couple of thousand, but when Lomas dropped that it was eighteen carat, I multiplied the sum a number of times. The dream came rushing back for again part of it had come true. then, I remembered telling Lomas about the Rolex and the chain. He must have liked the idea and copied it.

I took Lomas into my study for a wee chat.

"Lomas, one part of the dream, I didn't tell you about concerns the financial arrangements shown in that fantasy. You suggested to me in the dream and lodgings. as Rama and I have already disagreed on this, can I sort it all out with Ian while you're here? I don't feel either will believe I can afford to board them full-time free of charge. You will need to support my financial circumstances, my affordable generosity." Before he had time to comment, I added, "Please call the lads in."

"Ian, I want you to join us as my second guest, another companion. I know Lomas has filled you in on my need for companions and my recent entry into the gay world. We all seem to get on well together. Now, let's talk about the financial arrangements. In brief, there aren't any. This is your home for nix for as long as you want to stay."

There was an extended, pregnant silence. At last Ian said that he didn't appreciate the joke, as it was a stupid idea, while Rama went red with embarrassment. I gave Lomas the nod to speak.

"It's alright, Chris can more than afford to house half a dozen of you. He's a very, very wealthy man who is only too happy to be your patron, for the want of a better word. Please accept what he has to offer and enjoy this once-in-a-life-time offer. As far as the outside world is concerned you're lodgers. As far as Chris and I are concerned, you're companions and lovers. It'll be wonderful, Ian, having you available in such secure surroundings. No more one night stands in motels. I'm sure Rama will also appreciate the security and freedom of this wonderful house and the genuine friendship of Chris."

After protests and more explanations, I won, but not without revealing my real wealth, something I was loath to do. Ian was concerned his parents would object, fearing a not too wholesome environment, but agreed, under pressure, they needn't be told.

With Christmas fast approaching, I suggested I take the yacht to Russell, using the holiday as an excuse to meet Ian's parents. He was delighted, especially as Rama said he could be away from the university during the holiday period, his work resuming in mid-January. Ian agreed to bus back to Auckland the week before Christmas and sail up the coast with us. He left us shaken, but delighted at the turn of events in his life, to drive home.

"If we're to sail to Russell we'll need a fourth man. Do you know of man, Rama?"

Of course, he did, and rang and arranged a meeting, a meeting which proved as enjoyable as my other encounters, resulting in a fourth experienced member on the sail north.

IX

As we motored out of the marina, I contemplated the changes in my life. Here I was in a situation I could only dream, about a matter of weeks ago. I looked at my crew. Ian, the Aryan, tall, full of life and accustomed to the sea; Rama, part-Asian, slim and tapered, full of life and ready for any adventure, and the newest member, Lai, bubbling with life and certain to please. A Singapore Chinese, he'd made a quick trip home to see his family, a duty he claimed rather then a pleasure. because of this, I hadn't really got to know him although I'd met him at the airport the day before all four of us spending a fun and sex-filled day together. He, too, was a good sportsman, playing soccer for both Wellington and Auckland provinces. He was a whiz, he claimed, at table tennis. Yachting came as a new experience.

The fair breeze blew as if by order and we made good time arriving at our first anchorage, Okoromai Bay on the Peninsular by late afternoon. Being in no hurry I suggested Kawai Island for our second night, with a longer haul to Ngurnguru on the third day. That would get us into Russell on Christmas Eve. I felt we could sail longer distances as the inexperience of two of the crew grew less obvious.

The voyage was a joy, the anchorages splendid with good food, wine and bunk life aplenty. Not wanting to acquire a favourite, we rotated partners. There was no jealousy, no silly behaviour; just four sexually mature men living a gay life, each giving the others tender loving care. Although we were all physical and very strong, we were so gentle and sensitive with each other, forming easy, loving relationships.

I began to understand how wonderful the gay world could be, and how joyous it was to be a member. I'd a lot to thank the London waiter for, bless him!

The lads were uninhibited, so natural. I'd never have believed men could behave the way they did. Now, as we passed in the cabin, fleeting kisses or a gentle touch were in order. It wasn't over done - just beautiful in its simplicity and meaning. Because we liked the simplicity of the costume, G-strings were worn at night. How exciting to slip the hand down the front of another's G, or watch a member rise as a video stimulated, or the owner desired close contact with another of the group.

Arriving in Russell, I discovered Lomas could also spring naughty surprises, for there, near the wharf, a familiar yacht was moored. Obviously he wasn't going to let me have all the fun! From the deck five pairs of hands waved in welcome. Then, the second surprise. All of us were to have Christmas Day with Ian's family - 'any friend of the Lortenson's is a friend of ours..."

The remainder of the holiday was ideal. Taking both yachts we sailed around thee greater part of the Bay of Islands, stopping when the spirit moved us to anchor overnight or swim or barbecue lunch. Cunningly, Lomas took me aside and organised us to change yachts for the day. His family accepted this suggestions perfectly natural. I arranged to sail his family in another direction, allowing Lomas and Ian time to make music in their own beautifully harmonious way. So Lomas and I could do the same, Ian agreed to help sail Lomas' yacht. It was all good fun, and in order to keep it like that, we had two days when we swapped any of the crews, my excuse being that Dorothy needed a rest from the galley, and Lai was willing to cook a Chinese seafood feast. A call at Paihia equipped him with the necessary ingredients the waters of the Bay didn't provide.

That night we had a wonderful party in a little bay in the Waihare Inlet, a place I'd kept returning to year after year.

By late afternoon on New Year's Eve we were back at Russell ready for the festivities. Ian's parents were our guests on Lomas' yacht as the cabin was bigger than mine. We all helped prepare the meal, a delicious Chinese, Thai and European achievement, eaten informally.

As we sat around, I became aware of Ian's father looking at me in a rather funny way. We wandered along the deck to sit down opposite each other. Suddenly, I realise he wasn't wearing any underpants, for the cut head of his member hung out of his brief shorts now he was in a low sitting position. As he contracted his muscles, it moved up and down. I rubbed my crutch. He nodded in agreement.

"I'm just taking Bruce over to the yacht," I called as we pushed off. We didn't want company, although there was ample company of the right sort on offer.

As Bruce practiced as a marine architect, it seemed natural for him to want to see what I was talking about, so we didn't need to hurry too much. Arriving in the cabin of my yacht, we embraced, and I slipped my hand up his short shorts to feel his monster member hardening.

"Suck it for me, Chris."

I slipped it out of the leg of the shorts and began to lick the head. As the nob got bigger, I put my lips around it and sucked, licking into his pee hole with my tongue, as Rama had taught me. Bruce became very excited and suggested we lie on a bunk to sixty-nine. I was more than willing!

I didn't have to suck for long before a flood of warm, rich cream filled my mouth, as Bruce bucked to and fro in wide erotic burst of, "Shit, that's good. Suck harder you pervert!" And the harder I sucked the more he spurted that delicious cream into my mouth.

Knowingly, Bruce refused to climax me saying I'd get a fuck before dawn and would need my reserves.

Rowing back, I outlined a plan for new Year's Day. Bruce accepted with glee.

By nine the next morning the two yachts were under way. Ian sailed with his mother on Lomas' yacht, Lomas sailed with Ian's father on mine. Our arrangement soon resulted in sex, as I steered away from the others. Ian's father was brilliant, as we all testified. And, what a whopper. He asked nothing about his son. It seemed he either knew, or was totally ignorant, or indifferent. We met for a late lunch in the Kirikiri Inlet. Thinking it diplomatic, we allowed a free exchange of crews and passengers for the return voyage.

That night, Bruse made an unexpected call. Ian saw him rowing out, so we had time to hide the magazines and the gay video we were watching, and put on shorts to cover our Gs. Ian, not knowing about his father, was anxious to hide any gay evidence. And, rightly so. Ian's father wasn't so diplomatic. Stepping down into the cabin he greeted me with a kiss, gave Lai and Rama the same and then threw his arms around his son holding Ian in a gentle embrace. I was astonished. Quietly we crept on deck leaving father and son to discuss this revelation.

When Bruce called us down, he told us he'd known about Ian for two years, and that he suspected Lomas. He was, he said, envious. "Ian can do what I couldn't do, what I was too frightened to do twenty years ago. I would've loved to be gay and nothing else. Instead, I had to marry to keep a respectable front. Ian is the joyous and treasured result of that union. He has my blessing, especially as he's found such wonderful friends. I used to yearn to be with he and Lomas, but vowed I wouldn't tell him I knew until he left school. Although somewhat shaken, he's taken the news very well. I think he knew about me in an odd sort of way, but won't say."

"I did have my suspicions because you used to like bathing and showering with me, and walking about the house in a G, or naked, when mum went away. It's wonderful having your blessing. I hope now you'll be less frustrated. I'm sure Chris won't mind your calling. You said how good sex was with him this morning."
Bruce didn't stay long. When out of hearing, Ian collapsed in my arms and cried, not tears of fear or anger or disappointment, but tears of relief. "With dad knowing," he said, "life will be so much easier. He's going to tell mum. I know she'll understand because she knows about dad. We'll hear her answer tomorrow."

Ian went home for the day while we lazed on deck. He'd lots of sorting out to do, and needed to be alone with his parents to do it. Life can certainly take some peculiar turnings. In the end, all was well with Ian and his mum. She understood and gave him her blessing.

While the others took Ian off shopping, Bruce and I had a couple of sessions together. A firm friendship developed.

"No thank you Lomas, we won't race you home or sail home together. Its been quite exhausting at times keeping all parties separate. I think we'll just bay hop back over the next few days in our own sweet way."

Lomas understood. The holiday was over.

X

As we settled into the new year, I felt the need to have one more student. I took my two companions aside and discussed it with them.

"When Ian comes to live here, there'll be four of us. Perfect, except when Lomas calls. But I don't think we should work too hard on Ian. He's Lomas' property and should remain such The three of you could afford to pay for lodgings. I'm really only parton to wealthy young men. I need another who needs me for financial security. What can I do about it?"

Suggestions came think and fast: advertise, ask at the sauna, ask friends, visit the other gay spots in the city...

"Why not," I said at last, "ask Ian to look for us. He must know a lad who could do with a little help."

Ian didn't, but said he had connections and would make discrete enquiries.

The next day Lai had a call from home to return and run the family business. His father had died suddenly. In the afternoon, Ian arrived, unannounced, with Peter in tow.

"Peter would like to talk to you Chris. He needs accommodation."

I looked at Peter, a tall lad with thick brown hair and shy brown eyes. His clothes were clean but rather well worn. The handshake, manly and firm, indicated character, his body highly desirability.

"Who are you, Peter?"

"He's an old friends of mine from Russell. we were at primary school together," explained Ian as though Peter couldn't speak for himself. I knew he wanted to come to university, but can't afford to without support. He's very embarrassed about being here. I think he thinks it's some kind of set-up."

"Right, Peter, come with me. Ian, go find the others and enjoy yourself. Lai is packing to rush home. His father died."

When we had settled in my study, I told Peter it was no set-up. I was happy to accommodate him if he met serration requirements, adding, "Your parents must be happy for you to live here; you must be gay, as I assume you are; you must trust me as your friend, and treat my home as your home. Would you like to come back and stay to see how we would function together?"

"No need to come back! Ian and I came prepared to stay. My mother won't mind, and my father's dead. May I kiss you to say thank you for your generous offer?"

We slipped into my bed and had the most incredible session. While Ian was good, Peter was brilliant! As my lips caressed his member, he sighed, and said how good it was. Once I'd started to suck his well proportioned erection, he moaned so loudly Ian and Rama heard him and joined us.

"A foursome! I've never had a foursome before. This is absolutely brilliant. Do teach me everything you know, Ian. I'm sure you're very experienced, as are Chris and Rama."

What a passionate session as we found positions where we could all be involved simultaneously. Climax followed climax until we were spent and in need of a swim, an activity Peter and I soon crept away from for a further session in bed before I took them all out for a meal on the way to the airport to farewell Lai.

I regretted seeing Lai go, for he'd brought a wonderful happiness to my home. He wouldn't be able to return, he said, as he was the eldest son and now responsible for the business. But, he would certainly come for a holiday, inviting us to do the same. At the airport he purchased an expensive and very beautiful piece of jewellery for SJ, had it gift wrapped and wrote a tender message on a card.

February appeared to be passing very pleasantly when SJ asked if she could speak to me. I froze. Was this her resignation? Was she unhappy?
"No. I'm very happy here. You're so good to me and the boys are a delight to be with. It's not the work. I'm amply rewarded for what I do. It's something else quite different and difficult for me to talk about. I think I'd better come straight to the point. You're all gay aren't you? Don't worry, I'm not upset. It's great to see you so happy Mr Chris. It's just that I have a gay nephew who is coming down to study nursing..."

"Then we'd better make-up another room, hadn't we?"

And that's how we got Rani, the final member of our team.

And so it came to pass that the five of us, under the watchful eye of SJ, began the university year together. The household soon settled into a caring and loving one, each concerned for the welfare of the other. We learned that sex is only part of a friendship or a relationship, passionate sex fulfilling only a corner of our desires for companionship and gratification. Companionship is the key to a gay relationship, companionship, trust and loving concern, with sex if and when it's desired. I looked forward to coming home to my family, to a household full of good cheer and contentment; to winter evenings by the log fire as we ate supper together. It didn't take long to drop our visits to the gay spots in the city. We had no need for them after we'd shown Peter all there was to see,. He agreed that it was interesting, but with so many people at home, there was no need.

Occasionally, one or the other would bring a friend home for the night and we all enjoyed he resulting passion.

Sometimes Ian's father came, but always by arrangement so that Ian wouldn't be at home. Although both loved the other deeply, neither wanted to damage the father-son relationship. And that's how it ought to be.

Peter grew very close to me and more often than not slept with me. I grew to love him dearly, and when his mother died suddenly not long into the year, I "adopted" him, taking full responsibility for him. In fact, I bought him a car, paid all his fees and gave him a generous allowance. He became the nearest thing I would ever have as a son, so I treated him accordingly.

Our Thai friend remained embarrassed about the financial arrangements. I often had to talk to him, saying over and over that he was at home. Finally we agreed that the best thing for him to do was supply a bottle or two of spirits from time to time and, occasionally, take us all out for a Thai feast at an excellent restaurant. That, finally, forced him to accept my arrangements.

SJ was wonderful. She adjusted with ease and grace. Her joy at my having Rani to stay became evident in the extra things she did for us. My fears that the situation would drive her from my door were groundless.

As we approached the end of the first year together, I can only feel very great satisfaction for the life I now lead. I am relaxed, keep wonderful company, enjoy my retirement in a way never thought possible, and can express my sexuality without fear.

Lomas remains my dearest friend, while he does anything he likes for Ian, Ian's parents being in full possession of the facts about that relationship. It seems strange to see Lomas so secretly generous to Ian when he does not thrust such expensive gifts on his own children. I haven't seen Jeremy in an expensive gold Rolex. Ian had one!

Rani has settled into the fold. He's a gently Maori lad with a quiet charm and a member whose length matches his six feet in height. He's a consummate lover.

For myself, I couldn't be happier or possess more freedom. I'm deliriously happy as I embrace a world I once ridiculed and later feared,. for this feared world has given me a life I didn't know existed. I'm surrounded by loving and caring young men whom I enjoy as companions and sex partners and who in turn enjoy me. What more could an aging man want?