I have been informed that it would be a good idea to state a few warning comments. There may be graphic sexual scenes between men in this story, so please, if this offends you, or it is illegal or you are underaged to read such, stop here and hit your "back" button. If it is okay with you, read on and enjoy. I also want to thank Nifty for the opportunity to post my stories here. I have met some very nice people and been afforded an opportunity to express myself as never before. The feedback I have received here has encouraged me on to write more. Thanks to you all.
From Chapter 24:
When we got back to Brian's, who was there waiting for us, but Rob. I ran to him and he picked me up like I was nothing and carried me to the door. I unlocked the door before we got there with the remote and Rob sat down on the couch, still holding me. I could hold it in no longer! I started to sob even more than at the hospital. Rob was so warm and felt so safe and wonderful! I was sitting on his lap like a little boy, and was crying on his shoulder! Craig sat on one side and Chris sat on the floor at our feet.
Chris rubbed my leg and Craig my shoulder. Rob kept repeating, "It's okay little brother let it out. It's okay!" The phone woke me up. I was in the bedroom and on the bed, covered with a blanket. "Just a minute", I heard one of the guys say, from behind the door. Chris peeked in. "You awake, Bro?" he whispered. "Yeah! What is it?" "Here." He handed me the phone. "Can you come and get me, baby? The rent here is terribly high!" He sounded weak still, but my heart swelled at the love I felt and I relaxed even more, with the relief. "We'll be right there!" "We?" "Chris and Craig and Rob stayed with me." "Of COURSE they did! See you in a few, Baby!"
Chapter 25
Chris drove his car. On the way to the hospital, I reflected on how lucky I am. I have a great family, a big brother who treats me like I am the crown prince. Craig is always so sweet to me. What can I even say about Rob!? Even after our little "incident" he is so excellent to me!
And Brian! He is the best thing that ever happened to me. I realize now that I need him. He completes me. I want to spend the rest of my life with him! I came so close to losing him in the last 24 hours -- several times! Now Morty says he is going to be okay. I am so happy. I thanked God for Brian. I asked God what it was I had done to deserve an angel like Brian in my life.
When we got to the hospital, Brian was waiting in a wheelchair. As soon as we walked in, the nurse went to get Morty. I hugged Brian and then I knelt at the foot of his wheelchair and lay my head on his lap. People were watching, but I didn't care. I hoped he didn't.
"Seth!" Morty said. "I'm so glad you are still here. I have an important question to ask you."
"What?"
"Well, as you know Brian has been through a lot in the last few weeks -- most especially the last 24 hours."
"Yes?" I was uncomfortably aware of the fact that he was speaking to me as if Brian was not there!
"With the trauma of the accident -- getting hit so hard on the head -- the restart with the paddles, and another grand mal -- and also the exposure to the cold -- the chill he got, his system has been severely shocked. He will need to rest -- for up to two weeks! What I want to ask you is -- is there any chance you can take some time off -- to take care of him?"
"I -- of course my job is the most dispensable. It's just a minimum-wage job. I like it but could find another. Being away from school that long would be the prob. But it's soon enough after the beginning of the semester that I can drop without penalty."
"Seth," Brian protested, "You don't have to - "
"What am I doing? What am I SAYing -- of COURSE I will do it!"
"Doctor," Craig said, "Does he need constant care?"
"Well -- almost. I don't want you to be alone, Brian, for more than a couple hours."
"Doctor," Chris said, looking at Craig, "What my partner was getting at is -- if Brian could stay with us -- we HAVE an extra room -- we could watch him almost constantly with our schedules."
Rob piped in, "Yeah! We are homes almost in shifts as it is!"
"And," Chris said, "We can set up a buzzer to the main house and either Etta or Auntie Lindy is almost always there."
I felt almost -- no, definitely -- disappointed. I wanted to take care of him! But -- to get a whole semester behind -- well I know Chris and Craig -- and Rob -- were sensitive to that!
"Is -- would that be -- alright -- with you, Bri?" I asked.
"I guess I could manage without you. I was looking forward to some special baths from my own special nurse!" Brian said weakly
"I giggled. "I can still do that -- on weekends!"
"Oooo!" Brian countered, "I could get pretty rank smelling in the meantime!"
"But I LIKE your smell, Bri!" I joked.
"Well, if I just can't stand myself, then maybe I could get Rob to bathe me -- I'd like to get a little even with you on THAT score!" He said trying his best to look at Rob hungrily. Rob turned crimson.
"Oh! Didn't I mention?" Morty said. He lowered his voice, in deference to the others in the waiting room. "No hanky panky!"
"MORTY!!" Brian said.
"Kidding aside, bud!" Morty got more serious. "Your body needs time to adjust to the medication, and I need time to adjust the dosage."
"That sucks!" Brian said.
"I said, NO sex!" Morty said, and we all laughed!
We went back to Brian's. He didn't need the wheelchair. It was just hospital policy when checking out. He got a few things together and we went to my brother's place. We were in three cars, because Brian didn't want to leave his car at the condo -- unattended -- for two weeks. It was dark by the time we pulled into the driveway. There was a light on in the guesthouse. When we got up there and opened the door, there was a wonderful smell coming from the kitchen. No sooner had we noticed the aroma than Etta came out of the kitchen. "Okay, bay-bees," she crooned, "Which one of my boys need dis chikee soup?"
"Etta!" Chris said. "How did you know?"
"Etta know! Etta don't know who, but she know one of her boys need it!" She looked at us all, and then she noticed Brian standing in the back of us.
"Ah, it be you, my Seth bay-bee's Mr. Doctor man!" She uttered. "I dinna-know you was one of my boys, but now I know!
Her soup was simple: Chicken, water, salt, pepper, celery, carrots and a lot of paprika.
"You're the best, Etta!" Brian said.
"Gonna make you all betta, bay-bee!" And she disappeared out the door.
"Seth," Chris said, "Walk Etta back to the big house, huh?" I ran to catch her.
Before I caught up, she was already talking. "I not wrong much often you know!"
"Wrong?"
"About you doctor, Bay-bee. I thought, no way he gonna make my Seth Bay-bee happy. But I see I wrong dis time. Thought he bring you much trouble."
"Actually you were right Etta. He has brought me a lot of trouble and worry!"
"Etta know! Etta feel it too. Etta thought it was bad stuff for you -- but it not bad after all. You good for him -- he good for you!"
We arrived at the back door of the big house. "You got that right!" I said.
"Etta know dis!" And she disappeared behind the door. I had a feeling she knew more than she was telling me.
I slowly climbed the stairs to the guesthouse. I tried to understand what she was trying to teach me. As soon as I got in the door, Chris asked me, "What time are you leaving? It's getting kinda late."
"I know." I answered. "I often don't go home till Monday morning. I will call Mom and let her know."
"Hello?"
"Hi, Mom. I just wanted to call and let you know that I will be driving home in the morning."
"Good! I like it better when you don't drive late at night. What's wrong?"
"Wha- why -- why do you ask?"
"Seth, do you think after 18 years I can't tell when something is wrong? I can hear it in your voice. I can tell something is wrong, and I can tell when you are trying to hide something from me!"
"You and Etta!" I exclaimed!
"What?"
"Nothing. We had an accident yesterday."
"An accident! Are you all right? What happened?"
"I -- we're all right. We had a boating accident."
"A WHAT!!?? A boating accident?! In the middle of winter?" She ranted, "The water -- especially up there -- is freezing this time of - "
"Mom, we're both okay! I will be home for dinner tomorrow night, K?"
"G'night dear. Thank you for calling. I love you."
"Love you too, Mom! Bye!" I hung up, I am certain, with a bewildered look on my face.
"It's a guy thing, Bro." Chris said.
"What?" I said.
"No matter how `in touch with our feminine side' we think we are -- as men we cannot hide anything from the women who know us best!"
"Or Etta!" Craig said with a chuckle!
"Oh, Etta's a special case altogether!" Chris assured him.
"How are you doing, Bri?" I asked.
"I'm kinda tired."
"Good!" I said. "Let's go to bed!" We went into my bedroom and dressed for bed. In our birthday suits, of course! He got into bed and I climbed in behind him. I wrapped my body close and had my arm around his waist, with my elbow bent and my hand was on his breast. He turned around, facing me and kissed me fully. I melted completely.
"I love you so much, Baby!" he said, and then he kissed me again. Our tongues were waltzing slowly, and our breathing was picking up.
"Oh, my sweet Brian, I love you too -- more than I can say, but I think you can feel a little of how I -- love you."
He grabbed it and said, "Yeah, no doubt about this!" You'd think I was never touched before, the way my body responded!
"Sweetheart, we both need to get to sleep." I intoned, "Turn over now."
He obeyed. I again wrapped myself around him and as his breathing got slow, I again started to remember the events of the last couple days, and I started to weep quietly, until I fell into a troubled sleep.
I dreamed I was floating in the air -- alone. I seemed to be there for an eternity when Etta came to me and said, "Bay-bee, the gods give us experience. You love dis man, yes?" I could only nod my head. "Very few people have such love in their life, Bay-bee. You need to thank the Gods for giving you dis man for even a short time. And -- Bay-bee," she paused for effect, " -- maybe dis was mo fo his benefit den yer's dat da gods gave you to him! Don' question da universe. It know what it do!"
It left me feeling cold. It seemed again an eternity before I woke up. My lover was still lying quietly in my arms. Something was different. I was only half awake, but I felt something was different. I hugged him and willed myself to go back to sleep, but something nagging woke me up more. I finally was aware enough to recognize what was different. Brian was cold. Completely cold. I could not understand. We had a blanket on, and I felt warm enough. I listened ever so carefully. Nothing. He was not breathing, nor was his heart beating.
"Oh my God!" I said it aloud! "Oh my God! Oh my God! OH MY GOD, NOOOOoooo!
It can't be! NOOOOoooo! Oh my sweet Brian! Brian, Brian Brian! NOOOoooo! You CAN'T - you just - "
The door flew open. Chris was at my side, then in came Craig and Rob. "Seth, what's wrong!?" Chris said.
Rob saw. He fell on me gently, wrapping his big arms around both me and Brian. He felt the cold too. He nodded to my brother. For once, it wasn't enough. Rob could not make it better this time. "Chris -- Chris -- Chris, I want -- I want -- I want -- Mommy -- Mom -- Mom! I want my mom!"
I started to moan and sob. I felt a pain deep down that I didn't know existed. I felt as if I was old. Rob pulled me -- wrenched me - away from Brian's body. I then clung to him and he rolled me over, away from Brian's coldness. Then both Chris and Craig lay down with us and we all cried together: I, for Brian and them, for me.
In about five minutes there was a knock at the door. Craig got up and threw on a robe. It was Etta and Auntie Lindy -- AND Morty! Etta had somehow divined that he was needed. He was bewildered, because she could not -- or would not -- tell him why she demanded he come. Criag told Morty to come in the room, but detained the women. Morty came in. and saw in an instant what was going on. Craig whispered something to him, and I heard him whisper, "O my God, no!" And he started to weep.
He asked Craig to call for an ambulance and when they got there, in their presence, He was barely able to croak out officially that Brian was no longer in that body -- that he was - dead. I let Rob go and returned to hold Brian. His coldness reminded me he was not in there any more, but this was all I had.
I felt dead. Part of me WAS dead! I knew this man such a short time and yet -- I loved him so much. The love isn't dead! Why can't the love die, too, I asked no one in particular. "Whyyyy --eeeeeee ^Å"
"Seth. SETH! Seth, wake up!" It was my brother.
"Imigod, it was only a dream, then?" I asked.
"Seth wake up! It's the same dream you have had for the last two weeks! Baby brother, the funeral was two weeks ago!"
"So -- it -- wasn't just dream. He really is - " and I started all over again to sob and moan as I rocked back and forth. Chris tried to put his arms around me and I threw them away. "THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO. Nothing! Nothinnnnng." And I just rocked back and forth, sitting up on my bed, sobbing, gasping and moaning."
I could hear the door open I looked over and it wasn't my bedroom door. It wasn't the door at the guesthouse. Morty was standing in the door, and I could see a nurse's station behind him.
"Where -- where am I?" I retched out between sobs.
"You're still at the hospital, Seth." Morty said. I just had to believe him. I didn't remember being at the hospital before this.
"Seth." I heard the soft voice of my mother behind me. I turned and there she was, looking like an angel. I put my arms up and wailed, "Mommmmeeeee!"
"Shhhh, Baby. It's gonna be alright."
I could hear Morty in the background saying, "I think he's going to be okay now."
I said to my Mom, "I'm -- I'm -- I'm -- NOT okay. And it's NOT alright -- and it's never going to be alright! Mom, he's -- he's gone! Why? Why-eeee!"
"We don't know why, Honey. When someone leaves us this way, we can't question why, because there is never a reason. We just have to know that God knows what he is doing."
"That's what Etta said to me."
"When did she say that?"
"The night before he died -- NO! It was what woke me up when he died. It was she that woke me in my dream." I was drained. "Etta told me in a dream the same thing you were telling me."
"Well, whatever -- she's right, honey."
"Mom -- Mom, will the hurt -- will it ever go away?"
"Probably not completely. Any more than the love will. Do you want to stop loving him?"
"NO! (SOB) I can't -- I don't want to!"
"And the hurt may not ever completely go away, Honey. But -- but it will get less and less, until it is no more than a painful memory -- probably."
"Well, it hurts now, Mom! It hurts so bad! I just want to go back to sleep."
"That's what you have been doing for the past two weeks, Seth" Morty said. "It's time to wake up. Time to start living again -- no matter how much it hurts."
"I know." I said mournfully. "I know!"
Notes: Please forgive me. I think I know a little what God feels like, when one of his creations dies. For after all, I AM god to these! I created them! But as we take on lives of OUR own -- so do my characters, my stories. I truly did not know Brian was going to die in this chapter. I've known for some time -- as many of you have -- that he was going to die. But it was with many tears and sobbing of my own that he left his body. But just as with our God, we return to Him someday, Brian has returned to me. He has affected my life profoundly. I have learned something huge in writing this. God loves us and we are NOT nothing in his sight. We and our decisions affect him profoundly. As usual, comments may be sent to me at s4d@hotmail.com. Be sure to mention "Seth" in the subject line. Thanks, and love, Steve