I have been informed that it would be a good idea to state a few warning comments. There may be graphic sexual scenes between men in this story, so please, if this offends you, or it is illegal or you are underaged to read such, stop here and hit your "back" button. If it is okay with you, read on and enjoy.
I also want to thank Nifty for the opportunity to post my stories here. I have met some very nice people and afforded an opportunity to express myself as never before. The feedback I have received here has encouraged me on to write more. Thanks to you all.
From Chapter 6:
"There's only two twin beds in there, dear, where would they sleep?"
"I can sleep with Eddie, and," looking at Fred, "Can you guys sleep together?"
"Uh, - yeah, we can do that!"
"There are clean towels in the linen closet, boys, and I just changed the bed linens today." Mom said.
After I knew they were all in bed, I poked my head in and said, "I'm sorry guys! I had no idea it would come to this!"
The two sets of brothers were both in their respective beds. "It's okay, Seth. Actually it's kinda cool - while it lasts."
Luke and I went to bed. We showered - separately and then locked the doors.
"Wow, the first full day at the Gary's was exciting, Haoli!"
"Not as exciting as it is going to get in a minute!"
"I was kinda hoping you would say that!" And he attacked me! His arms, legs, hands and lips seemed to be everywhere at once! Before I knew it my hand was lubed up and he made love to it, while on top, as before, while kissing and caressing my face. He was quick in cumming.
"Dude! I'm sorry! I guess maybe you'd like to do that once?"
"I'm alright, Luker! Did you even notice that I came just after you?"
"No, dude! Was it good?"
"Excellent! You were so danged hot! I loved it!"
It was quite late so we didn't clean up `til morning. I woke first, as usual. It was still early. I had to pee. When I finished, I cleaned up, wrapped a towel around me and peeked in on the boys. I smiled at what I saw. Fred was in bed with Eddie and Charlie was with Mel. Both Eddie and Mel were spooning the other boys. A little shiver-like shock went through me. I got back in and spooned Luke and went back to sleep
Chapter 7
I didn't know, but before I go up to pee, dad was already gone. He went to the all night mini-mart to buy some things for mom to fix for breakfast. When I woke up the second time, we were no longer spooned up, but sleeping face to face, with our little fingers interlocked. I opened my eyes and saw purple. The sunrise coming in the window accented the already purple hue in Luke's dreamy eyes. He was just lying there, watching me sleep.
"Morning, Haoli."
"Hi. Wow, you sure are a good sleeping pill for me, Luker!"
"Heh! Ditto, young man. When I woke up you were wrapped around me. I hated to move, because it felt so good, but I really had to pee. I moved and I was afraid I woke you, but I didn't. I got up to pee and when I came back to bed, I just laid here and watched you sleep. You're quite nice to look at, you know!"
No, I didn't know it. I was happy he thought so, though. Oh, I know that I am not ugly, and I guess I sometimes dwell on my small size, but I don't think of myself as "quite nice to look at".
"Ya wanna shower, Paleface?"
"My gosh, Charlie is right. You DO look black in the half-light. Look at that!" I put my almost hairless, comparably white arm next to his, not only nearly black skin, but his arms are covered with black hair.
The smells from the kitchen were what woke me up. I went to the door, stuck my head out and shouted, "Smells great out there! Do we have time for a quick shower before breakfast, mom?"
"Yes dear. But don't make it too long. Are the other boys up yet? The kids are watching cartoons in the living room. I made them turn it down low, so you boys could sleep. Maybe you can slip in and wake up the others.
From your dad's description, I don't think I want to embarrass them."
I slipped into my boxers from last night and went into the boy's room. They were still spooned up like last night. I didn't want to startle them, so I first went over and opened the shade, so the light could wake them. That didn't work, so I went to Eddie's bed and shook his shoulder. He woke up and as soon as he moved, Fred also woke up. He sat bolt up and said, "WHA! NO! I didn't - uh - where -" He looked at me, and pieced together where he was. We looked at Eddie than back to me. He turned beet red! "Dude! I - I - don't know what -to -"
"Fred! It's okay. It looks like you guys got acquainted last night." By this time, both the younger boys were turned toward me, grinning ear to ear.
They even looked alike.
"Seth, PLEASE don't tell you parents that we -"
"Sorry dude, My dad checked in on you this morning. He and my mom know you both - slept - together."
"Oh, shit! We're busted now!"
"Okay, in the first place, Fred, you really need to cool it with the bad language. In the second place, my dad is cool. He has a pretty good understanding of our - situation - and he will not be mad or anything else. He also realizes that most people just DON'T understand, so he's not about to go "telling" anyone else - not your parents - not the child protective people. So don't worry."
"I - I've never stayed over with anyone else's family. I - is - is this normal - your parents being so cool and all?"
"It is in my home. My dad had a problem when he found out my brother was probably gay, but -"
"Wow! You have ANOTHER brother who is gay?"
"He is my only brother. Eddie and Mel are foster brothers. In answer to your question, I don't know. I think that most families are not this - open and - understanding. My dad has changed a lot in the last couple years, in his reaction to the gay streak in his family, but other than that, we have been a pretty close and happy family."
"Are you boys ready for breakfast?" My mom called in from the kitchen.
"Five minutes, Mom?"
"Okay, but no more!"
"Uh - we're a little short on shower space -" I started
"It's okay," Eddie said, "We didn't really do anything that needs `cleaning up'. Apparently YOU did, huh?"
"None of your business, scrub!"
I ran into the bedroom. Luke was already in the shower. I decided I had cleaned up enough earlier, so I just put on some shorts and a tee and said, "See you in the kitchen, Luker!"
"You're not taking a shower? Ewww!"
"I cleaned up earlier. We showered last night, remember?"
"Well, yeah, but - a lot happened after that - or was I dreaming?"
"No, it was no dream this time. I cleaned up good enough when I got up earlier."
"You're disgusting, Haoli!"
"Hurry up!"
We all met in the kitchen. Mom had fixed bacon (that's what woke me up!), eggs, French toast and hot chocolate, hash browns and orange juice. Fred and Charlie looked at each other. "This is a lot better than Froot Loops and Pop Tarts! Thanks Mrs. Gary!"
"What are you boys planning today?" Mom said.
"I wanted to take Luke to Disneyland before he goes. There is so much to see and do here, Luker! Well not any more than where you're from, but different stuff. There's Knotts Berry Farm, where there is a cool ghost town, plus some fun rides. Also they have an exact replica of Independence Hall where the Declaration of Independence was signed. Laguna Beach is a very cool place."
"Well, maybe just one place at a time, dear."
"I'd like to rent a surfboard and go surfing somewhere." Said, Luke. "Where is the best place?"
"I really don't - I'm not sure. I've done a lot of body surfing at Huntington. And on the other side of the pier from the regular beach is where the board surfing is allowed. That's probably the closest place. There's the wedge, where we were yesterday. We didn't go back there in the afternoon, when the surf is really up, but I hear it is pretty gnarly."
"That's what I want! Gnarly!"
"Well, there are no big waves like your North Shore."
"Oh, have you been there?"
"No, but I've seen videos!"
"It's really cool!"
"Can you surf those monster waves?"
"Yeah - I'm Hawaiian! it's expected."
"Believe me, there won't be anything like that here!"
"Those videos make it seem more dangerous than it really is." Luke said. "It is far enough from shore that - I don't know, you just have to always be ready to hold your breath. Most people can hold their breath much loger than they think they can. If you start to wipe out, you dive under, where it is relatively calm. All the movement is on the top."
"Duh! I knew that, but I guess I thought it was - okay - well maybe if I ever come out there, you can show me."
"Oh, it's still not for beginners! But when you grow up to it, well, you know! I took Chris and Craig to a pretty calm place and you see what happened to Craig! I felt really bad. I should have - but I'm not an instructor. Still I want to surf here, just to say I did it before I go back.."
We finished with breakfast. All the boys thanked Mom. The four foster boys were getting a taste of what it's like to have a mom at home. Luke and I went in to the bedroom to get ready. "So - what do we wear to Disneyland?"
"Pretty much what you have on - anything is okay there. It's gonna be another hot one today, so these shorts will be fine."
"And you really are not going to shower first?"
"Why?"
"Because you stink!"
"Can you smell me from that close?"
"N - no. But -"
I grabbed him and pulled him close to me, and forced his head down to my chest. "Can you smell me from THAT close?"
"Yeah!"
"And how does it smell?"
"It smells like sex!"
"And - you don't like that smell?"
"I - yes, it smells - why do you have to tease me like this? I know you are going to shower!"
"No, Luke I'm not. Like I said, I showered last night."
"But you smell like you had an orgy!"
"I promise I won't get that close to anyone else - and as it's obvious that you LIKE my smell -"
"You're imposs -" I smothered the rest of his sentence in a kiss. " -ibly cute! And you're disgusting! And I LIKE you, Haoli!"
Disneyland was fun. So was Knotts. We ended up going to Zuma beach on the other side of Palos Verdes, where my brother was "married", for the surfing.
He handled the surf board about as easy as I walk! He was the center of attention for all the surfers there. It was nice and not nice at the same time. We had to pretend not to be - well, anything but queer. That was the not nice part. But I was very proud to be his "friend". Of course with his very dark skin and his expert surfing talent, he drew a crowd.
That night, after the surfing, at dinner, he said, "I think I better be thinking of getting back."
I was stunned. We had talked a little about his getting a job and staying here. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't at the dinner table.
"When do you think you will leave, dear?" Mom said.
Well, if Seth can take me the airport on Saturday -"
"Saturday!" I said, way to strongly. "I didn't think - I mean -" I could feel the tears ready to pop out, so I stopped and took a bite to eat. I choked on the bite and started to cough. The piece of meat went down the wrong pipe! I couldn't breathe. I started choking and coughing. Finally Luke got behind me and performed the Heimlich on me. The meat popped out, and also the rest of my dinner. I was so embarrassed - and hurt! I ran to my bedroom and shut the door. I knew I was acting like a little boy, but I just didn't want to deal with - anyone!"
"Dear, are you okay?" My mom popped her head in.
"I - I just feel a little sick right now, Mom."
"I'll save some dinner for you in case you get hungry later, Sweetie."
"Thanks."
She shut the door, I turned away from the door and closed my eyes. The door opened again. I hoped if I lay really still, she would go away and leave me alone - that's what I wanted - to just be left alone. She came up behind me and started to stroke my head. She often used to do that when I was little.
It was like she knew exactly how I felt. She stroked down the back of my head and rubbed my neck. Her hand then went around front and stroked my chest. I turned around.
"Mom! What're you - ?"
It was Luke! A shiver went through me when I saw him.
"I'm sorry, Haoli. I thought you knew it was me."
"Why did you have to do that? Why do you have to go?"
"I just do." He then put his arm back around me and hugged my chest. Then he crawled behind me - we were fully clothed - and spooned me. "I - Have to go back and - get right with my dad!"
Shit, how could I argue with that? I breathed a big shuddering sigh. "I'm going to miss you, Luke. This is so sudden." "I'm sorry, Haoli, I am not very good with - people. I should have told you in private. I'm so sorry."
"When are you coming back?"
"I do have return tickets, and I may change my mind and come back for Christmas. Chris invited me."
"Chris?" I cried, "What about -"
"Us?" I nodded my head. "I just have been thinking a lot about - us - and - uh - I just don't think -"
<no! don't say it!>
"I don't think this is gonna work."
I turned around to face him. Looking through my teary eyes, I said, "I will take a shower every day - twice a day if you want."
"Oh, Seth, that's not it! Well In all honesty it is part of it - but not like you wold think."
I grabbed him, clutching him like maybe I could squeeze some of his resolve to go out of his body. "I'll do anything you want me to do, Luker! Just don't - don't - leave, letting me down like this!"
"Seth, I just don't want to lead you on. We are - just too different."
"NOOooo! We're not! I want YOU!"
"Oh my poor baby boy! I - I - don't know how to explain this to you. I just know it won't work."
"I - I - I - (cough, sputter, sob!) I just didn't - I was the one who was stand-offish. You were the one who was "in love at first sight"! It wasn't supposed to happen this way."
"Oh, then it was you who were supposed to break my heart?"
"NOOoo! No one was supposed to break anyone's heart! Please say you will think about seeing me again when you come back - and seeing if it will work."
"Of course I want to see you when - if - I get back, Haoli! But I don't want you to have any false hopes."
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I took Luke to LAX, and came home, Saturday night, shut and locked my door, and cried myself to sleep! I did that for a whole week after he left. I got a job at KFC, but I got fired after the first week. They said I was depressing the customers. It wasn't supposed to be this way. He said he loved me. I was a hard sell, but finally I did fall head-over-heels. Then he decides he's NOT in love after all? What's that about?
Two months later, I was not much better. I got another minimum wage job, - one where I didn't have to meet the public - and registered at Cerritos JC. Classes had just started when I got home one afternoon and, "Seth, dear, there's a letter for you from Hawaii!" my mom said. She knew exactly why I took this tailspin.
"Dear Seth,
I can't get you off my mind or out of my head - or dreams. I try to study and you keep invading my thoughts, preventing me from studying. I just keep thinking of what I did to you. I feel lower than the surf at Waikiki in the morning. Please forgive me. Please write and tell me you are all right. I miss you! I really do. And, yes - I love you. And it hurts. But"
I could almost feel the "but" coming. When it did, I crumpled the sheet up and threw it in the trash, and ran to my room and slammed the door. I slammed down onto my bed and sobbed for about a half hour. By the time I sneaked back to retrieve the letter, later on that night, there were coffee grounds thrown on top of it. I brushed them off as best I could and un-crumpled the letter. It continued:
"but I still feel that this is the best course. Believe me, I miss you. I am hoping that writing this will help me to let you go. And will help you do the same. You have set the standard for every lover I will ever have in this life, Haoli. Please write back so I will know that you got this. Someday we will laugh about this!
Love, "Luker"
I was once again crushed. To make matters worse - for me at least - I could hear the other guys every night in their room giggling and sometimes a lot more. Fred's dad was served with a restraining order, and the county also felt that his brother was at risk, so they approved my parents to take two more boys into our home. It was crowded, but they claimed I was here only temporarily, and that the boys could sleep in separate rooms.
The next morning, my mom knocked on my door. "Seth dear, don't you have school today? You should be up by now."
"I don't feel good, Mom. I'm staying home today."
That night, my dad came into my room and sat on my bed after I had my shower. "Son, we need to talk."
"I don't feel like talking, Dad."
"That's why we need to talk. I don't know what went on with you and that Hawaiian boy, but you need to know that what you are going through is normal."
"Yeah!" I blubbered, "The gay guy is normal!"
"It has nothing to do with being gay! A lot of guys your age want to be connected to someone else. For most it is a girl. But that has nothing to do with it. You have grown and matured so much in the last year, son, and you have a lot more to go. Remember that girl you went with in jr. high? Shirley was it? You were devastated when she threw you over for a football player. You were a very sensitive boy - both you and Chris were - are! That's not bad. But you have to accept what life throws at you and move on.
I am afraid that you keep up a hope that Luke will come back. Your mom said you got a letter this afternoon. What did he say?"
"He said that he missed me, that he couldn't get me out of his head, that he dreamed about me - that he loves me - and that he knows we both have to move on."
"You see, son,"
"NO! I DON'T see, Dad!"
"What I was going to say was, you see, he is four years older than you. He has a bit more maturity. He maybe can see something you can't. But the bottom line is he isn't coming back."
"But Dad, he even left that open!"
"In his letter?"
"No, but just before he left, he said he might be back and we can see if it could work."
"But didn't he make it more clear in his letter that that was not going to happen?"
"Did you read my letter?"
"I'm sorry, son. But your mom said you crumpled it up and threw it in the trash and ran to your room, slamming the door. Of course she had to see what made you react like that. She showed it to me. Seth, he doesn't plan to come back. I could see in his letter that he wants to, but - he has a level of maturity that will make him stick to his resolve. He won't be back." I had tears flowing down my face. Dad hugged me and patted and rubbed my back. "I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, son. If I could, I'd do it for you."
I laid down and he started to walk out. He turned around. "Seth, you need to get to sleep. You have to go back to school tomorrow."
I did go to school. I threw myself into studying and working so hard that I would not think about me - and - him. Then every night as I was falling asleep, I prayed he would come back. Then I got a call from Chris.
"Hey li'l Bro! How are you?" I knew Mom and Dad had probably told him how I was, but - "Hey, I got a letter from Luke." He paused. My heart started to beat harder. Was he coming to visit Chris? "He asked me how you were, Seth. He said he was worried, because he had asked you to wire and you didn't."
I had such mixed emotions! "FUCK HIM!" I yelled into the phone! He had indirectly stabbed me again!
"What?" Chris said, as if he did not hear.
"Never mind. Please write back and tell him I'm fine."
"Can't you write and tell him?"
"No, because I'm not!"
"Dude, if I'd known, I wouldn't have -"
"But you didn't know -and you Did bring him home. And he fell for me - and I for him! Then he just walked away!"
"Dude, he wrote you a letter."
"I know."
"He deserves to know."
"then you - please write him back. Tell him the truth - tell him a lie. I don't care. I just can't do it."
"Okay. Can you come up here for Thanksgiving? It's in four weeks. Colin and Jake are coming with the kids. I know they will want to see you."
"Yeah, I guess I'll come. I need to do something!"
"Fine, Tell Mom and Dad - well, never mind. I'm sure Auntie Lindy will be calling them. Seth?"
"Yes."
"I love you, kid!"
"I love you too. Thanks for calling. Bye!"
I hung up then phone and stared into nothingness for a whole minute. Slowly, my eyes came back into focus. Enough that I could see they were filled with tears. He got me again. What had I said to my brother? Fuck him, I told Chris. I said it again. I screamed it out.
"SETH!" my dad said, peeking in. "Are you - okay, son?"
"No, but I think I am starting to see things more clearly."
"Well, that's fine. Try to not be quite so vocal about it - k?"
"Sorry Dad."
That night I had a dream repeat itself over and over. It was of an angel, coming to deliver a message to me. Each time he neared me, I turned my back and then he stabbed me in the back.
The angel had dark skin, blue-black hair and purple eyes.
I pretty much droned through the next four weeks. I really was looking forward to going to see my brother. I had talked to him several times since he asked me about the letter, but I still felt bad and felt almost - driven is all I can think of - to see him in person and tell him I was sorry while I looked him in the eye and hugged him.
When I finally did get there, it was - well anticlimactic at best. I did look him in the eye, and I did hug him, as I expressed my appreciation and my apology. "Hey, no sweat, Little Bro! I've been there myself."
That's all there was to it. I don't know what I expected. Maybe some huge weight to be lifted off my shoulders. It was nice to see Rob. He was even more preoccupied with Carrie than he was before. I was put with him to sleep, since we had done so often before, but I felt no "special" feeling for him - not like I had before. I drove there on Wednesday night, and my parents were to arrive on Thursday afternoon. My sister would be with her husband's family.
As I drifted off to sleep next to Rob, who was already breathing deep, I thought about Colin and tried to concentrate on him. No special reason, except I really liked him. I could hardly remember in my mind what he looked like. I wondered, is this what growing up is all about? It felt - disappointing - almost cold.
I thought about when I was a year younger. Even then, I was smart enough to know I could not "have" any of those guys. But I still enjoyed fantasizing about them Even Craig. I had no trouble imagining him. He was so absolutely dreamy looking! Yet I could not get myself to dream about him that night! I felt empty. Is this what growing up is? I fell asleep wishing I could retreat back into my younger teens.
The next morning, Rob was up earlier than I, as he and Carrie were taking the Smith's SUV to LAX to pick up Jake's family. The more I thought about it, the more I was looking forward to seeing little Ursula and Uri. They were due back by lunch. As lunch time grew near, there was a knock at the front door. Craig ran to get it. "Brian! How good to see you again!"
They came into the living room. "Seth! You remember Dr. Michaels?"
"Oh, yes. Hi, Dr. Michaels. How are you?"
"Uh, let me see - Seth, right?"
"Yes! You have a good memory, Doctor."
"Please! Call me Brian. I had hoped to see you when Craig came back to see me for his injury. But he said something about you going back early - with that boy - Mel - right? Yeah. And - if I remember right, he said something about a Hawaiian boy who you took home with you. He said he may be staying with you. I was hoping to see him - maybe ask him if he knows my friend, Doc."
"Oh, he knows him all right," Chris said, "He was with us when Craig got hurt, and was at the hospital waiting with us when he was in surgery."
"Is he still around?"
"No," I said, probably a little too finally. "He left about 5 days after he came."
"Oh. Too bad. Is he coming back?"
"No, probably not in this lifetime." I said. I wondered if it came out as bitter as it felt.
"Oh." Brian exclaimed. "Really!"
Notes: Thanks for reading! Comments as usual are welcome and appreciated. Write to Steve, s4d@hotmail.com. Mention Seth in the subject line, so I won't miss it among the junkmail.