I have been informed that it would be a good idea to state a few warning comments. There may be graphic sexual scenes between men in this story, so please, if this offends you, or it is illegal or you are underaged to read such, stop here and hit your "back" button. If it is okay with you, read on and enjoy.
From Chapter 22:
I called my mom. "Mom, this is Chris. We are all right."
"What!!?" she screamed, "What do you mean, you are all right!!?"
"Calm down Mom. We really are." I then told her the story. She was crying by the time I finished. "Oh! My poor baby boy! Let me talk to him." I guess she wanted to be sure!
We stayed one extra night. And under the circumstances, the airline let is slide on the extra fare for changing reservations. As we were getting ready for bed, Seth said, "Jake - Colin? Can we sleep all together like we did your last night in Santa Barbara?" They looked at me. I just shrugged.
We did, except in different order. I was in back of Jake, who cradled Colin in front of him and Colin held on to Seth all night! We all slept warm that night!
Chapter 23
I had to wonder about Seth's willingness to be so close to another guy. I realize now, with the wisdom and learning which comes with experience, that Seth was not all that different from a lot of straight teen boys who long for a closeness denied to them by their distant, cold, homophobic fathers. They may be straight as arrows, but grow up with all kinds of worries and doubts, because their dads are afraid to be affectionate with them. Seth was just not shy about asking, and I am so glad!
We said a very warm goodbye at the airport on Monday afternoon. Seth clung to Colin, as if he were his own brother. I could see where anyone would be drawn to his wholesome good looks. I envied them their love. I tried not to think of my next meeting with Craig. I immediately fell asleep before we were even at cruising altitude, for the short hop to O'Hare in Chicago. I can remember snips and pieces of noisy dreams. I saw Richard, my shrink, beckoning to me in the distance. I saw Colin approach me, fully naked, as Craig stood in the background, scowling. I awoke to the plane's landing gear thumping into place.
We quickly ran from terminal to terminal, and boarded a big L-1011 headed for LAX. On Monday night there were not many people on the plane, so Seth and I had a 4-person middle row to our selves. We stashed the armrests and stretched out side by side as best we could, Seth lying half on top of me. The Steward offered us an blanket, which we gladly accepted.
I quickly fell asleep again and launched into another dream. Some say dreams are our subconscious's way of processing events. Some say it is our mind's way of solving our problems. I think it was just my minds way of expressing its confusion as to my circumstances.
I fell asleep looking into my sweet brother's face. He looked so peaceful there in my arms. I felt a little drool fall on my neck just before drifting off myself. In my dream, it was as if I was standing over us looking down. Seth was getting so pleasant to look at. He was losing his baby faced look. On some guys it looks cute. It didn't on Seth. It seemed that every minute he got cuter, until he became Craig. He was still asleep on my neck. I was sleeping too, as I saw, looking down. I at first had a smile of content on my face, but the "me" I was looking down on was reacting as I was myself. As soon as Seth was replaced by Craig, a look of concern came over his face. That changed to a look of pure adoration, which then switched to pure revulsion. The "me" I was watching was crying in his sleep, and then I noticed, so was I.
"Chris. Wake up, Bro!" Craig said to me. I looked and it wasn't Craig. It was Seth. "You were having a nightmare or something. You okay?"
"Yeah. I'm just worried about Craig."
"I know!" He said. "Me too. He seemed so confused the last time I saw him." Seth didn't know the half of it! He was confused, and I was in a state of heart-wrenching limbo. What was he thinking about while I was gone. Was it a mistake to leave him behind? He asked if I wanted him to go. I felt so completely powerless over this part of my life.
When we landed at LAX, I just happened to be looking from the middle of the airplane exactly in the right spot to see Craig standing looking out the large window next to where we parked. It was a good thing there were not many people in the plane. I think I might have climbed over them to get to him.
As we came out of the tunnel, there he was, smiling that wonderful smile that I had not seen for weeks, waving furiously. That little shit, Seth ran to him first. He grabbed Seth, and swung him around. I approached more carefully. Seth then went running past Craig and - there was Rob! Seth must have leaped six feet into his arms! I guessed correctly that they had heard about our excitement on Lake Champlain. When I reached Craig, he greeted me as wildly as he had Seth. Rob and Seth were by this time right next to us, so we could not talk freely. Rob knew we needed some time to ourselves.
"Seth, come with me to get the luggage, while Chris and Craig say hi!"
As soon as they were gone, Craig grabbed me again, and hugged me close. Then he released me and grabbed my hand, leading toward the luggage section to a place to sit down.
"Chris, I have been doing a lot of thinking while you were gone." Well, by the expressions on his face it must not be bad news, at least. "Chris, I was so torn. I tried to keep my mind occupied studying, but I could not! I was so torn up inside. Between my love for you, my fidelity to my parents, and my need for - for - I don't know quite what. Finally I had a full-on panic attack. Rob took me to emergency and they hooked me up to all kinds of monitors and stuff, as if I was having a heart attack.
"The doctor told me that there was nothing wrong, then asked if I was under a lot of stress. Well, duh!" He said, squeezing my hand so hard it hurt. "I came to a decision of sorts." I didn't like the sound of that "of sorts", but it must not have been all bad, by his countenance.
Then he got dead serious. I guess I am asking a lot, Chris. I decided, if it would be - all right - with you, to -" he stammered a little. "I decided that what I want - er - need to do, is - just - go with `us' for now, and see how I feel in 2 months, at the end of the semester. The waiting was driving me insane!"
"Tell me about it!" I replied.
"So do you think you can live with that?" he said. "It would mean you will be risking so much, with only the hope that I may stay. I feel crummy even asking you."
"Craig, I will take whatever I can get. I am 100% in love with you. You can't hurt me any more next month than you would this month. I am ready for this escape myself. I have been stressing myself!"
He got up and pulled me up with him, into another close hug. He then did something that was so completely out of character it blew me away. He kissed me on the mouth. In front of all those people! His eyes were closed. I saw some people behind him staring at us so I - well - I closed mine too, and kissed him back - properly for a returning lover!
"YOU GUYS!" Rob interrupted. "The straight guys are here! Get a grip - oops maybe that was the wrong expression. You seem to be doing that quite well."
I saw the delightedly surprised look on Craig's face and turned around. Rob had hoisted Seth up to his shoulders like he was a five-year-old! Seth looked so pleased, and proud up there! He knew the way we all treated him was condescending, but he seemed to eat it up. He was taking full advantage of being the little brother! To us all! Rob had a suitcase in each hand.
As we walked to the car, Rob kept trying to bump Seth into every doorjamb. They were high doors, but not that high! Seth would crouch down and hug Rob's head. When we got to the car, Seth said, "Rob, let me stand up!"
Rob stashed the suitcases in back of Uncle Jake's SUV and then took Seth's hands. Seth stood up on Rob's shoulders. Craig and I were standing behind them. He stood up high and reached up and barely touched some piping that was on the ceiling of the parking garage. Then with very little warning he said, "Here I come!" He fell backward, expecting we would catch him, giggling all the way down. We were surprised, but we caught him without any injury. Such trust! "Little brother, you scared the shit outa me! Don't do that again, please!"
We met Mom and Dad, and they took us out for a late supper again. Luckily we had plenty to talk about, with Seth's excitement, so we really didn't have to discuss how Jake was. "How's Jake? My mom asked.
"Not too bad. He actually looked a little better, I think." I said, trying to leave a "it may be wishful thinking sound" in my voice. I looked at Seth and he raised his brows. We said goodbye until Christmas in two weeks.
On the way home, all 3 of us sat in the front seat, Craig in the middle, and Rob driving. The mood was good and the spirits were high, until, "So," Rob said, "You guys back on strong again? You both seem so - so glad to see each other!"
I looked at Craig. I waited for him to answer. He didn't. There was an immediate wall! Finally I said, "We are just glad to see each other, Rob. We are - we're - working on it!" I looked over. Craig had an apologetic look on his face, and a small tear in his eye. I wiped the tear away, and put my arm around his shoulder. He melted into me, leaning on my chest, his head on my shoulder. I looked over and saw Rob smiling. I made a prayer that his confidence was warranted.
I had slept on the planes and was well rested. I asked Rob if he wanted me to drive. He said he was fine, but I saw him yawning, so I kept up a banter to make sure he was awake and alert. Craig crashed on my shoulder. In his middle seat belt with no shoulder strap, I was able to guide him down to a cradled position. My arms grew tired, but I was so happy holding the object of my love, watching his beautiful face, and wondering if he had any nice dreams. He was smiling at least part of the time.
Rob switched on the radio, to a station with some slow, romantic music. I glanced over and he gave me a wink. God, I loved that huge hunk! Not romantically - though his Goliath form still could produce a reaction in my libido - but just as a brother. The brother that he wanted to be so badly.
Craig didn't awaken until we bumped over the entrance to the driveway at home. He looked directly up into my eyes and smiled. "Hi, Chris," he said to me in an irresistible sleepy-voice, "Welcome home!" I kissed him on the forehead, and hugged his head.
I waited for Rob to get out of the car. He didn't get the hint, so I pressed on. I kissed him full on the mouth, and he returned my gesture with more gusto than I expected. "I'm going to continue as if everything were proceeding on my own track, Craig." I said seriously. "I take full responsibility for my own emotions!"
I don't know where his head (or his heart) was, but he laid his head on my chest and started to gently sob. I looked at Rob. He had by now sensed his mistake, and looked like he was suspended on a tightrope without support, afraid that if he moved, he would upset a delicate balance. I nodded toward the door, and he nearly flew out of it! Rob grabbed my suitcase and went up the stairs to our place, leaving us alone.
"I mean it, Craig. I'm going to court you full bore. If it doesn't work out, then I will not have to wonder if I did enough."
Immediately I started to wonder if I was pressing him too much.
He raised up and wiped his eyes. I opened the door and stepped out. He followed me up the stairs and when I went into our room, he walked into the middle room. I looked around. His stuff was gone out of our - er - my room. My heart sank. I was afraid to even turn around and look, to see if he was going to come in. When he didn't, I shed my clothes and went into the shower. I was about to shut the water off, when I saw him appear outside the shower door. I could only see his form through the mottled glass.
"Can I - come in?" He said, almost inaudibly. I opened the door he stepped in. He had obviously been crying again. His face was flushed and his eyes were wet and very red. He wrapped himself around me under the hot shower. We stood there, unmoving, for at least five minutes. Then he looked up into my eyes and started up all over again, sobbing deeply. I just held him and stroked his head and face. Finally, when he got control of himself, he said, "Chris, I'm so sorry! I - you - deserve so much more - er - better - than this." I pulled him closer and patted him. "I mean it! You are such a thoroughly good person - guy - man! And I - I -" He gulped and sobbed again. "I still love you as I ever have. I'm just so - so - confused and torn! If I didn't love you so much it would be so easy - for me."
"Craig?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you sleep with me tonight?"
"SIGH! That's why I'm here. I want to. Tonight." He said. looking apologetic again.
"That's all right. We'll see about tomorrow night - tomorrow night, K?"
"You're not making this any easier for me, you know!" He said.
"You're right. I do know. And it's not easy for me either." I stepped back and grabbed the soap and a wash cloth. After lathering the cloth up good, I gently washed every part of him. We got out and I dried him off first, then myself. He went into his room to drop off his towel, came back, turned off the light and joined me in bed. We laid there looking at each other in the semi-dark, seeing only shadows of each other.
"Chris?" He whispered
"Yes?" I said, almost afraid to breathe.
"I'm almost afraid to say this." He SOUNDED afraid.
"What is it, Craig?"
"Chris, honey, could you please pass the sex?!" and he burst out laughing and crying at the same time. I joined him in both! The sex was fun, funny and - wonderful!
"What was all the laughter about last night?" Rob said, the next morning, as we got ready for school.
I answered, "Dufus over there decided he was a joker, and I fell for it!"
"Are we riding to school together today?" I asked. Rob was already dressed, and we were in out skivvies.
"S'okay by me." Craig said.
"I'm going with Carrie. We have some Christmas shopping to do after school.
`Fact, I'm late already! Bye!"
Christmas shopping! I had not even thought about it yet! I wondered if Craig would want to go after school. I looked at him. "Shall we?"
I guess he misinterpreted my meaning. He walked over to me and dropped to his knees, and hugged my butt with his hands. As he massaged my glutes, his teeth found the top of my boxers and deftly pulled them down far enough to gain him access to what was inside. His pecker was protruding through his fly, pointing accusingly up at me.
"Dude! We haven't had breakfast yet. I don't think there's t -"
"This IS MY breakfast!" He said as he fastened his mouth around my manhood. I was standing in front of the couch, so he pushed me down on to it. He then proceeded to bring me to the fastest orgasm I ever had. His nose was still buried in my pubes and I was still moaning loudly when the door opened, and Rob rushed in. "I forgot -!" He stopped cold and his eyes met mine. He was frozen for a long moment. "Never mind - I can do without it today!" and he turned, red faced, away and fled out the door. We collapsed in giggles! He kissed me deep. I think he saved "it" all for me!
He then got up and disappeared into the bedroom to finish getting dressed.
I followed him - into his room. We missed our first class! Heh! That's okay, because what happened at home was definitely, "first class"!
The next two weeks flew by! Uncle Jake got out all the Christmas lights and we spent the next Saturday putting up lights all over both houses. No one could really see the guesthouse from the front, but he didn't want us to feel left out. We helped them cut their tree and we even got a small one for our place as well. It was so fun! Gifts just kept appearing under out little tree. Not THAT many - there WERE only three of us - but that made it all the more obvious. The first one just showed up with my name on it but no "from" name, so we just followed that mode. Two days before Christmas Eve, when we determined we would open them, There appeared one rather large box, with foil wrap and a wonderful red and green plaid bow. My name was on it. I was embarrassed because I was sure it was from Rob. He was the only one who could really afford to be buying extravagant gifts. Unfortunately we did not discuss this beforehand.
When Christmas Eve came, we had dinner with the rest of the family, then the seven of us left the older adults and their kids, and went up to our place. Rob and Carrie had to leave for his home in Downey after we were finished, so we had to get our presents opened up and him on his way. There were several shirts opened and a very nice belt, from Rob, for me. When it came to the big box, I was really almost afraid. I opened it very last. The only one I had not received from was Craig.
I opened the box. Inside was a smaller box and inside it an even smaller one, etc., until I had opened up eight boxes, each wrapped beautifully! Inside the last box was an envelope. I took out the card.
"Merry Christmas from Craig! " it said on the outside. There was something stuck on the inside, that made the card bulge. I opened it up, and there was a gold pinky ring with a very clear rose quartz on the top, taped to left side of the inside. On the right, it said, "My Dearest Christopher, This is a token of my love for you. As the circle goes on forever, so does my love for you! Love Craig.
P.S. I have registered for next semester at UCSB!"
I looked up, tears filling my eyes. He then said, choked up himself, "I knew it the day you got back from seeing your cousin. I could not ever leave you again - EVER! I jumped up and ran to him, almost tripping on Seth, who was on the floor. I just about knocked over the tree. I tackled him and kissed him passionately, right there in front of Rob, Carrie, Jake, Colin and my little brother! When we came up for air, every one of our loved ones was grinning through wet eyes!
Chapter Note:
Okay, so I now have to admit, recent personal events has made me a little sappy! What can I say? So I am a romantic! Comments may be sent to s4d@hotmail.com