I have been informed that it would be a good idea to state a few warning comments. There may be graphic sexual scenes between men in this story, so please, if this offends you, or it is illegal or you are underaged to read such, stop here and hit your "back" button. If it is okay with you, read on and enjoy.
From Chapter 21:
"Seth and I are going to Vermont in two weeks" I explained to Craig, after he got home from Thanksgiving.
"Does he have to appear in court - those perverts?"
"No. We just - Jake wants us to come. We couldn't say no."
"Can - shall I go?"
"I - I think it will be better - with just Seth and me."
"Okay. It will give me some time to think."
God! I didn't WANT him thinking!
Chapter 22
I wanted to tell him no! You can't think by yourself! I need to be here when you're thinking. I loved him so much! I felt so bad that his trip home was so unsatisfying. I don't know what he was looking for. I wish it was me!
The next two weeks were a blur in some respects, and seemed to drag by in others. I was so anxious to get back together with my cousin and his friend! I was wishing that Jake and Colin were closer. I felt I had missed so much of Jake's life. I guess he must have felt the same. And Colin! What a babe! If it weren't for Jake and Craig - - ! (Sigh!) I could hardly wait to get back and spend as much time as possible with my cousin before he -"
And then on the home front. Things seemed to be at a stand still with Craig. He was so mixed up. He had too many choices, I guess. I know he wanted them all. The way he held me at night - even the sex - told me he still desperately wanted to "keep me". But then there were his other drive (s). The drive to please his family - his dad. The drive to - (and for the life of me, I can't relate to this!) to connect with some woman. His drive for a family of his own.
Patience! I now understand why it is such a difficult virtue. I had to wait for him to decide. I Promised him I would. The end of the semester was in 10 weeks. Such a short time. Shuch a damned long, short time!
In my selfishness, of course, I wanted him to myself. And that's not an unreasonable want. It's even a need, I believe.
I just don't think it would work to have all the rest, the wife, the family - and a guy-pal on the side. I was so in love with him, I considered that - even though I know he would not have gone for it. And in good conscious, neither would I. But it was one of the many things that went through my mind. Of course sanity and reality won out in my mind. Even I needed - deserved - a love that was exclusively mine. I suppose these thoughts were preventing me from giving myself fully to him as well. Our relationship was just missing that something - that extra amount of - dedication or something - love, I guess - while I waited for him.
I felt like such a hypocrite. I wanted my brother, if it was a choice, to choose straight. It would just be easier for him. But I wanted Craig to give up all the rest for me. Conditional love! We both deserved, as all people do, unconditional love from one whom we unconditionally love. Few ever find it, gay or straight. But it is what I think God meant for us to have. Someone said, "if you love something,let it go. If it comes back, it is yours". I SO did not want to let Craig go!
Rob was getting more and more involved with Carrie - it was moving too fast, I thought. But then things for me were moving at a snail's pace, so the contrast made it worse.
Three nights before we were to leave, Seth called.
"Chris, do you think those guys will be out?"
"Huh?"
"Those guys! Will they be out of jail?"
"Are you worried about that?" I said. "Don't. They have no idea where Jake lives - and he doesn't really live anywhere near Malletts Bay. The wedding was there because it was convenient and beautiful. Don't worry, Kiddo! It will not even be an issue. Are you excited?"
"Yah! How is Jake?"
"I don't know. I will call them tonight after we are through talking. I don't plan to ask how he is, but maybe I can tell. He may be fine. Sometimes it takes a long time to - pass away - die - from AIDS The doctor said it was progressing fast, but doctors are wrong all the time. We can hope."
"I don't think he would want to be sick for a long time - I mean really sick - do you?"
"I don't know. I doubt it. There's another thing I want to talk to you about while I am thinking of it."
"Yes?"
"Seth, I love you so much. I think you know that. And I want you to be able to talk about anything - ANYTHING - with me. K?"
"K."
"But - please be careful what you say around Jake and Colin."
"I will. M -"
"I know you will try, but sometimes the questions you ask - some you have asked of Jake and Colin while they were here. They would be innocent coming from a 13-year-old, but you need to think about anything you say to them. They both are feeling so vulnerable right now. Especially Colin. Please don't think I am harassing or getting down on you. And I repeat, anything at all you want to say to or ask me, please do. Even about them. I may have the answer."
"Okay. Mom told me the same thing."
"Good! Having heard it from two sources, I won't mention it again - unless it becomes a problem."
"I know."
"Seth, I am so glad you are going with me!"
"Me too. And I don't quite know why they asked me."
"Because they think you are cool! Colin's 24 and Jake is 25. They think you are a cool kid! And Colin told me he really thinks the world of you."
"Colin said that? Really?"
"Yup! And I'm sure he will ask again tonight. He knows that Jake wants to spend some time with me. Catch-up time, I guess, for all the years we missed. And Colin wants you to be his pal."
"Really? Me? Colin's pal?"
I knew that would torque him!
"Well, I better go, so I'm not calling Jake too late. I'll see you at the airport, Friday night! I love you!"
"Bye!"
I wanted Seth there as much as Colin did. I was not even gone yet, and I missed Craig already.
Rob and Carrie drove me to the airport. I was disappointed that Craig didn't insist. I would have. Dad brought Seth. We were there two hours early. The flight is 5 1/2 hours, so it would be the middle of the night when we got in. I told them we would be happy to wait at the airport, but Colin insisted on coming to meet us when we got in.
"AS I expected, Colin asked to make sure you were coming."
"He's so much older than I am. I hope I'm not a total disappointment."
"You won't be! Colin is like a kid too! He has to be! He's married to Jake!"
"Yeah, but - he prolly won't feel much like fun stuff right now!"
"Don't bet on it! This may just be what he needs!"
Both of us slept most of the way to Chicago. Then again on the flight into Burlington. After we got through the gate, Colin was waiting down at the luggage carousel. He ran to me first, and almost swept me off my feet! He held me so long and so close, I felt a little bad on Seth's account. But then he did the same with Seth, except he DID sweep him off his feet! Colin picked him up and swung him around! A seventeen-year-old!
"Jake wanted to come," Colin said, "But I refused to let him." It was 3:30 AM!
"How is he?" I said.
"He's good. He's actually more than good. You'll see!"
It was an hour drive after we got into the car. They had a very nice Toyota Camry Solara convertible. Of course it was way too cold for the top down, but it was nice. We didn't talk too much of any importance on the way home.
A little about the weather. It was a clear, moon lit night. Snow was here and there. The leaves were all gone from off the trees. Everything was black this time of night. We snuck into the house when we got there, and went directly to our beds. Seth and I shared a fold out queen sofa bed.
They either kept it a little cold, or we were just not used to it. We clung to each other all night - well, morning. It was 4:30 when we got to bed.
I woke up at 8:30. I heard coffee perking in the kitchen. Then a face pooped around the corner. It was Jake. A huge smile on his face! Something was different. I felt cold in my blanket, next to Seth. Jake was in his boxers - nothing else! "Morning!" He said, loud enough to wake up the dead - but not my little brother!
"Morning! What -?" I started. "What is - up?" You look so - GOOD!"
"I feel great!" I was a little worried. I had heard stories about how people often start feeling and looking much better just before they - NO! I would not accept that!
"Morning!" Colin said.
I don't know if he was just finally ready or it was Colin's voice that woke him, but Seth was next, "Huh? Oh! Morning!"
Colin then attacked us with a flying leap! He he got Seth and started to tickle him. I stopped. "Colin! Stop!" I commanded, probably more forcefully than I meant to. Colin looked really taken aback. And embarrassed. "No! It's alright, Dude. He just is so ticklish, - you may not be -" I looked at Seth, who was turning red and shaking his head. "He's just too ticklish." So instead he grabbed him in a choke hold hug. Seth turned even redder, but looked so pleased! I knew why he was pleased. I thought I knew why he was red. He had not yet been to the bathroom!
Then he let Seth go and turned to me. He held me so gently I was embarrassed, especially with Jake standing not 8 feet away. I looked at Jake, and he was beaming. I wondered what was going on.
"Don't look so worried, Cuz! He's just happy!"
To see us? To see Seth? I had to wonder, and I guess it showed on my face.
Jake brought over some coffee and set on the table. "Why don't you guys fold up that bed and I will get some breakfast going. We'll tell you our - our news while we eat breakfast. Sorry it won't be as good as Etta's! But then you don't have to put up with Etta, so that makes up for it!"
We got Dressed and put the couch back, washed up and both shaved. I think Seth's beard was as heavy as mine - almost nil! By the time we were ready, so was breakfast. He had eggs and bacon, but also had an array of sweet rolls, some fruit, and some bagels and salmon spread. It was delicious.
"How was your flight?" Jake asked, after he finally sat down.
"Same as the weather - fine!" I said impatiently. "So tell us! What is it that you guys are taunting us with?"
Jake looked at Colin. "What is he talking about. What did you tell them last night?" he said in mock seriousness. Colin had a Cheshire cat grin!
"Okay! Well," Jake continued, "We really don't want to make too much of it, but it's hard to not feel encouraged."
Man! he knew how to build the suspense!
"You mentioned I looked good. I am assuming you were not just being nice."
"No! you look - so good!"
"Well, there's a reason."
"We stopped to see my brother, Bobby, on the way home after Thanksgiving, as you know." Colin said. "Well, several months ago he and his wife made friends with a chiropractor and his wife. He told the chiropractor about Jake. The chiropractor was so excited about a new product - all natural - that he was sure would help. It has actually been in use for the last ten years, but as with most rmedies that seem to be of any worth, it has gotten squelched by the AMA and the USDA. They must be in cahoots with the drug companies! Anyway, Jake has been taking this stuff - Organic Germanium - ever since we have been back."
"I have gained five pounds. I an hungry and energetic all the time!"
"I told you last night you would see!" Said Colin excitedly.
"The literature we have read makes these outlandish claims about possibly curing cancer and all kinds of degenerative diseases, including AIDS." Jake continued. "The book we read was actually banned in the U.S., because of all the claims that were made. This stuff was made practically illegal in the eighties, until just recently, when at least the drug administration said it was harmless. It is expensive, but actually no more so than most home remedies. It's just that in the amounts that are required to (we are not allowed to say "cure" it), it is as expensive an many drugs. Problem is, most drug plans and med plans won't pay for anything like this. The damned AMA and Drug companies have this country by the balls!"
"You can see the effect it has already had on Jake!" Colin said, scarcely able to contain his glee. I am taking it too, but about a tenth of what he is taking. It's supposed to help me stay well too."
"Anyway, Bobby was so excited about it, his enthusiasm wore off on us." Jake said. "I don't know how much is the placebo effect, but it seems to be working. It is against the law to inject it, as they are doing in Japan, or even to suggest taking it sublingually which is the best way. It tastes like a citrus Cool-ade flavor or something."
"Well, it sure seems to be working." I said cautiously. "You sure are chipper this morning, dude!"
"Well, you know I always was a morning person. But you watch. Remember two weeks ago how tired I got during the day?"
"Yeah."
"I don't ant more! I am hard at it all day, and I sleep better at night!"
"And so do I! I was so worried two weeks go. I have some hope now!"
"Where do you get this stuff?" I asked.
"Many health food stores have it."
"You will have to excuse us," I started, "but both Seth and I were expecting - well that you would be at best, no better than when we last saw you. It all seems so - incredible!"
"By the way, we would like you to keep this under wraps for the next two weeks. We want to surprise the folks! I know they are worried, but it's only two weeks. Dad knows something's up because I have asked him for some extra to be able to afford the strong doses I take."
"That means you can't say anything either, kiddo!" Colin said to Seth, grinning. Seth grinned right back.
"Don't worry about me! Oh! Damn, will I have to pretend you still look like you are going to die next month - only worse, cuz it's later?"
"Naw," Jake said. "If they ask, just tell them that I looked rested and pretty good - maybe due to some new drug I said I was taking. That way you won't have to lie."
They took us for a ride, and just before noon, we drove onto a ferry boat. It was to cross Lake Champlain near Burlington. It was a bright shiny day when we started our crossing. When we were about half way across, the wind came whipping up and clouds quickly covered us, turning a sparkling day completely dark and gray.
We all were out of the car for the ferry ride. Seth walked to the rear of the ferry. I heard him scream! I looked and a guy pushed him over the side! I ran back, followed closely by Colin and then Jake. There was a man running back toward the front, on the other side of the cars. I saw two other passengers running after the guy who pushed Seth, as I removed my loafers and dove into the water. I swam to Seth. There was no ice on the lake, but you couldn't have told Seth or me that!
The ferry gradually slowed down and started to turn. I reached Seth as it was almost turned around. It was so cold, but I hardly noticed! I was so worried about Seth. He was a good swimmer, but he was so skinny! I was afraid he would lose it from hypothermia. When I reached him, he already was turning blue.
"Keep swimming, Seth! Keep moving!"
"I - I'm too cold!" I swam up to him and wrapped my body around his, as if to give him some of my heat. We went under. I couldn't hold on like this!
I reasoned that he wouldn't get that much heat from me anyway. We came back to the surface. I was almost panicky. I truly didn't know what to do!
As we broke the surface a second time, I heard a loud bang coming from the direction of the Ferry. I was disoriented. It didn't seem to be where I thought it should.
Then I saw it! Our ferry was coming from one direction, but the next one was bearing down on us from the other! I knew that we could not dive beneath it. I thought of Craig, saw his smiling face. I thought of my high school graduation. Then I thought of a girl I had made fun of in the 5th grade. I wondered if this was my punishment. I then saw Seth's blue face in front of me. I reached out and my body seemed to know what to do, even if I didn't. My hand slapped his face with a force that surprised even me! He seemed to come to. I screamed, "Swim, Goddammit! Or I'll beat the shit out of you!"
That was the last thing I remember, before waking up in the car. It wasn't Jakes car. But someone had warmed up their car really warm and I was lying, still soaking wet in the back of an SUV. As I came to, I noticed that it was warm in the car, even though I still felt cold and wet. The I remembered. I jerked around! "Seth! SETH! WHERE'S MY BROTHER!"
"Chris! It's me!" I looked the other way. Jake was there in the front seat. "Seth's in another car."
"Is he - is he -" I could not bring myself to say it!
"He's cold and wet - like you are. Luckily one of the other riders had a towel in his car. Colin is with him now, drying him and trying to get him warm."
"I started to rise, "I want to go to him! I want Seth!"
"Colin will take good care of him."
Just about then, They brought the wet towel to me. The lady who brought it said Seth was warm in his cousin's arms. Colin had told her he was his cousin. Someone handed me a warm blanket. When we got back to the Burlington side, I stepped out of the SUV and was helped to the other car. I saw Seth's naked, lifeless body, cradled in Colin's arms. Colin was crying. My heart stopped.
Then I saw Seth open his eyes. He smiled up weakly at Colin. Colin smiled back, and hugged him even closer, kissing him on then top of his head. They then gave each of them a blanket, and Colin lifted and carried Seth to a waiting ambulance. He had gotten pretty close! They kept him overnight at the Hospital, but released him in the morning. Before we left, there was Officer Jackson!
He explained to us that the guy who pushed Seth in the water was the smaller of the thugs who had assaulted him that night two and a half months ago. His hair was cut. He looked different. Seth said he didn't recognize him until it was too late. The men that followed him on the Ferry found his larger partner at their car with a gun. One of them was shot in the leg while scuffling with the two bad guys. They were taken back into custody. It was the big guy who did the shooting. With all the witnesses, Officer Jackson said there would be no problem getting a conviction. I asked if Seth would have to come back. He said probably not. Both Jake and Colin had witnessed Seth as he told them positively that the guy who attacked him on the boat and was also the same who assaulted him at the bar.
The rest involved two more eyewitnesses, one of which got shot. These guys were going away for a long time!
I called my mom. "Mom, this is Chris. We are all right."
"What!!?" she screamed, "What do you mean, you are all right!!?"
"Calm down Mom. We really are." I then told her the story. She was crying by the time I finished. "Oh! My poor baby boy! Let me talk to him." I guess she wanted to be sure!
We stayed one extra night. And under the circumstances, the airline let is slide on the extra fare for changing reservations. As we were getting ready for bed, Seth said, "Jake - Colin? Can we sleep all together like we did your last night in Santa Barbara?" They looked at me. I just shrugged.
We did, except in different order. I was in back of Jake, who cradled Colin in front of him and Colin held on to Seth all night! We all slept warm that night!
Notes: Thank you so much, all of you who have written to me. I love you all! I will probably be too busy to write in the next few days, but make no mistake, I will continue! I an as interested as some of you are what will happen to our friends! Love, Steve