I have been informed that it would be a good idea to state a few warning comments. There may be graphic sexual scenes between men in this story, so please, if this offends you, or it is illegal or you are underaged to read such, stop here and hit your "back" button. If it is okay with you, read on and enjoy.
From Chapter 19:
My mom knew something was wrong, but she didn't know what. "Are you okay, dear? I know you were always close to Jake. Are you missing Craig?"
"I guess, yes to all the above, Mom." I responded. "Yes I was always close to Jake. Yes I am missing Craig," my voice cracked, "and yes I guess I am all right."
"Are things all right between you and Craig, Dear?"
"I guess I will have to wait until he returns to find out."
Chapter 20
Later, on Thanksgiving Day:
"Chris?" Rob said.
"Yeah?"
"Carrie and I are going to my parents tomorrow, and will be back sometime Sunday. Are you going to be okay without us? Do you want to go with us?"
"Wow, Thanks for the invite, Rob. I don't want to bring down the rest of your weekend, though. I'll be okay. My parents aren't going until Sunday either, and I want to spend some time with Seth, too."
"Well, you know you are always welcome at my parents' home. They know how much you mean to me!"
"Don't think I won't miss you, Rob. But I will be fine. Maybe my dad will let Seth stay out in the guesthouse with me for the next couple nights! I love you, Bro!"
"Chris?!" Seth yelled from across the patio.
"Okay," Rob said. "I guess you won't miss us too much! See yah!"
"Hi, Seth!" I replied, as I walked over to where he was standing, OF COURSE next to the buffet table. "My god, Seth, I can't believe it. Have you been working out?"
"Yup!" he said with a certain amount of pride. "And not only that, I have grown an inch since the beginning of summer!"
"I wondered about that! I think most of it has been in the past two months!
You look great!"
"Thanks! Hey! Do you think I could stay out in the guest house with you tonight?"
"Heh! I was just talking to Rob about that! I really want you to. But do you think it will be okay with Dad?"
"Why are you so paranoid about Dad. He's fine. I think you better have a talk with him. I've been doing a lot of that lately. I have never felt so close to him."
"That's great! Hey! Do you still like to run?"
"If it's with my big brother, of course!"
"Good! Tomorrow we can go running at the beach. It's usually sunny and cool - just perfect for running in the sand."
"Good-o! Hey, there's Dad, all by himself. Why don't you talk to him now?"
"Maybe I will. Later, huh?"
I walked over to dad. He was studying the pasta at the other end of the table. When you are going for seconds, you only get the stuff you REALLY like!
"Dad, can we talk for a moment?"
"Sure! Sounds ominous."
"Not so ominous! I just wanted to ask you if it would be all right for Seth to stay with me tonight."
"I think that would be fine, Christy! Your mom actually was suggesting it earlier. She's worried about you. So am I. Are you alright?"
"Oh, you know. Boyfriend trouble!" I swished my butt as I said it. Dad chuckled!
"I know how that can be!"
"You do!!??"
"Well, I've had a few girls break my heart - before I met your mom. Can't be all that different!" He was so nonchalant! "And also I expect seeing your cousin like he is had its effect on you. You two were always so close!"
"I know! I just can't believe it. I don't think I know anyone who has died. Grandma and Grandpa on both sides are still alive, and so are all my aunts and uncles. It hurt a lot when Sandy died, but a cat cannot compare to my favorite cousin! But he doesn't want us burying him yet! Did you hear about his speech last night?"
"Yes, we sat for a time with Jake and Linda, and they told us all. They seem to be taking it pretty well - considering."
"They have had a long time to think about it. It still must be a huge heartache - well, duh!"
"Someday you will know! Children become your life for awhile, then after they leave the nest, it never occurs to you that they could possibly - go - before you!"
"I don't know -"
"Oh! I'm sorry, Chris, I didn't mean -"
"It's okay , Dad."
"I just hope to God it doesn't happen to any more in this family. I wish to God it wasn't happening to Jake's family!"
"Dad? Can I - I want to - can we talk a little?"
"Of course, Christy! Just let me put a couple things on my plate."
"Can we walk a bit - away from the rest? Can you carry your plate?"
"Sure!" he said. "So there is something ominous!"
"I wasn't going to approach it now, but I changed my mind."
"What is it son?"
"I have heard several times from different sources that you are "okay" with my sexuality - and that you're not particularly worried about Seth, either. I just wanted to hear it from you, I guess."
"Yes. Well," he began, "I am sorry that I reacted badly at first to your revelation. And then when I thought Seth was going the - the same way, I sort of went off the deep end for awhile. I should have talked to you before this. I am so sorry about that."
"I can understand how you must have felt, Dad. It took me years to accept it for myself, and even then it seemed so unfair. So I really do understand. I just wish you could under-"
"I had a very long discussion with your Uncle Jake when we were in Vermont. I know we agreed not to burden them with our problems, but you know your Uncle Jake! He is so sensitive to others' needs! I don't know. Maybe your mom asked him to talk to me. But anyway, it was his idea. He has lived with this for a lot longer than I have, and he gave me a lot of insight. He really did convince me, though, that it was - just the way it was. That neither could I change it, nor should I blame anyone."
"Uncle Jake and Aunt Lindy have been so great to me - us!"
"Well, I have to tell you, I DID try to blame myself - a lot! I think some good may have come out of it, though. Because of my self-blame, I have been spending a lot more time with Seth. I hope that doesn't make you feel bad, Christy! I love you every bit as much as I do Seth or the girls. We live and we learn. I think Seth has started growing again. My shrink friend at the club tells me that often when an otherwise unhappy child is developing, his or her unhappiness can actually stunt his growth! And that some children start growing if something significantly good happens. Seth's experience back in Vermont may not have been good, but the fallout has been.
He started his growth spurt early last summer, but it really seems to have accellerated since Vermont. Well for whatever reason, Seth is growing again. Maybe he will catch up with you!"
I was beaming! "Dad, I love you so much!" And I gave him a hug like Rob taught me. He was embarrassed, I know, but I think he liked it!
"I love you too, Christy!"
Thanksgiving night went like that. A lot of leftovers and a lot of talking.
Even with the sadness of Jake's news, it was a very happy time. At around 11:00 PM Seth and I headed up to bed. We decided he would sleep in my bed with me. Jake and Colin were going to be in the spare room between mine and Rob's. We were pretty tired, and we didn't talk much. We both slept in our boxers. I turned over and away from Seth. Sometime later, I awoke and he was glued to my backside. He was whispering, "Chris. Christy!"
"Huh? HO! What is it Bro?" It took me a minute to remember it was Seth in my bed.
"Listen!"
"I listened and heard it, coming from the next room, "Squeek-squeek- Squeek-squeek".
I quietly said. "shhh. Payback time!"
"Huh?" Seth said.
I explained to him what they did to Craig and me the night before they were married. Seth started giggling as soon as I started explaining. I had to shush him twice before I got through it. "So here's what we are going to do." I whispered, and then explained that we would wait until we could hear them get close and we would do the same thing to them."
Seth was quite a giggler anyway. He snickered and whispered, "Hey! Why don't WE jerk off while they do it!
My GOD! I had never jerked off with my brother! It seemed so - so - wrong or something.
"C'mon Christy! It'd be a crack-up!"
I didn't answer, I just started to wank. It was dark enough that we could not see anything more than a dark shadow of each other. We both built up before Jake and Colin did, so we had to slow down - which made it all the more intense! When we heard them really huffing it up big, We started our chant, while wanking wildly. It was a challenge to keep going to the time of the other guys! "Go! Jake! Go! Colin! Go! Jake! Go! Colin! Go! Jake! Go! Colin!" we were trying to yell, while breathing hard ourselves, and trying to be loud enough to be heard through the "sound proof" walls. We heard laughing on the other side and huge whoops, and Seth came first, then Me. We were laughing so hard!
When it was all over, we heard a knock at out door. Jake, wrapped in a sheet, peeked in and flipped on the light. "Omigod! It IS Seth in there with him!" He said to Colin. They started to laugh again. Colin jumped out of bed and came in too, a blanket wrapped around him.
"So what gives, Seth?' Jake asked. "Are you gay or ??"
"Straight!"
"But how - ??"
"Yeah, Seth," I added, "How DID you get so into it?"
"I just pictured a guy and a girl doing it!"
"You little pecker!" Jake added, "Which of us was the girl?" We all howled at that!
"And were you guys - ?" Colin asked.
"Er - yeah!" Seth admitted. And he was red as a pepper, grinning ear to ear.
"I promise, I never did anything with my brother before!" I protested.
"Oh! Don't worry on that account!" Colin said. "I was VERY close with my brother!"
"Very close!" Jake agreed!
"We were only wanking!" I added!
Getting more serious, Seth asked, "Jake, can I ask you something?"
"Anything, Buddy!"
"how - how does it feel, knowing you are probably going to -"
"Seth!!" I exclaimed. "You don't just -"
"It's okay, Christy - really!" Jake said. "Actually it - it is almost kind of comforting - or something." He sat on the bed next to Seth. "Are you all right with this, Colin?" Colin nodded.
"It's weird." Jake continued. "People don't want to talk about it. They don't know what to say." I was watching Colin. He looked so hurt, as Jake was speaking. It just occurred to me that this was a lot harder on Colin than it was on Jake. "Colin, Baby, are you sure you are okay with this?" Colin's eyes were glistening. Again he nodded. I patted the bed and he sat down next to me. I don't think I took my eyes of Colin the rest of the time. He was feeling, so intensely, everything Jake said. It was obvious how dearly he loved my cousin. It was also clear how hurt he was.
"I want - need to talk about it. So does Colin! Colin's family is not as - close - as mine is. We both had serious heartbreaks before we met. My family was always there for me. When Colin got hurt before we met, his parents - his dad - tried to get through to him. They could see he was hurting. But it was too late. If they had been close to him all his life, he could have let them in. But he had to find his own healing. I think my sister sensed that. She was the one who hooked us up. Now Colin is facing being alone again. It is so much harder for him than it is for me."
Colins tears were steadily streaming down his face. It was involuntary at first, as I started to pat then stroke his arm. It was as much for me as for him, I think. I was feeling my own loss, and this was adding to it. As I look back, it was healing as well.
"We have talked a little - actually quite a lot - but," he looked at Colin,
"Am I correct in my sensing that you feel- as I do, Sweetie - more comfortable here with my cousins?" Colin didn't answer - only nodded again - and sighed. I patted the pillow. Colin laid down next to me and closed his eyes. I continued to caress his arm, and worked up to his forehead.
"Jake?" Seth said.
"Yes?"
"Do you believe in God?"
"Yes."
"Do you think he is - okay - with your -"
"My homosexuality? Yes, I really do."
I was very uncomfortable with the conversation, but I knew it was something which Seth was really struggling with - either for himself or for me.
Jake continued: "Seth, do you believe that God created us?"
"Yes."
"Well, I do too. And I don't think I am a mistake, Seth. I'm not saying necessarily that God purposely made me this way. I just don't believe he condemns me for something I had not control over. I love Colin so much, and he loves me. Can that be a bad thing? I know there are a lot of promiscuous gays out there. But there are a lot of promiscuous straight people, too. And I'm not denying that the percentage of promiscuity is higher amongst gays, and I don't support it. But I understand it.
"Gays are so maligned by society, that many are driven to be secretive and desperate for love. I don't think God likes promiscuity in anyone. But as is said, He hates the sin but loves the sinner. But I just don't believe that what Colin and I have is a sin. We love each other, and are committed to each other, just as any married couple is - I think more than most!" Jake was watching me stroke Colin's forehead. "I think you've put him to sleep, Cuz" He whispered to me. "Would you mind if we - traded beds for the night? He needs to sleep." He fluffed Seth's hair as Seth got out of bed.
Seth and I shut off the light and went to the other bedroom. The sheet and blanket were still in with the other guys. I silently crept in and told Jake. He looked into his sheet and back up to me, with a smirk. "Oh!" I whispered. "It's okay, well get some clean ones out of the closet."
Seth and I put the clean top sheet and blanket on the bed. I know that Colin was on my side, because I could smell him on the pillow. I had gotten a pretty good sniff of his odor while he was next to me in my bed. I could also tell that this was the side they had made love on! I'll leave that up to your imagination. I went to sleep smelling Colin's lusty smell, and thinking of my Criag. My dreams were - interesting.
I woke up before Seth. I quietly crept out of bed and used the toilet without flushing it, so I wouldn't wake anyone. I padded out to the living room to make some coffee, to find Jake was already there. When I approached, he stood. "Good gawd, Jake! Don't get up for me!"
"But I wanted to!" he said opening his arms to me. He hugged me for longer than was comfortable for me. I could feel we both were responding down below. He snickered. "I've always loved you so much, Chris! It's probably a good thing we didn't know "about" each other when we were younger, huh?" He let me loose.
"I hope Seth wasn't getting too personal last night, Jakey."
"Naw! I was serious when I said that I don't get to talk to people enough - about it. I know that it hurt Colin, but he needs to talk about it too, and I haven't been able to draw him out much. It was good for him last night. He was able to listen to us, and to show his emotions, without being very embarrassed. You and Seth really did make him - us - at ease. I am so grateful Seth started that conversation! I don't know if it went in the direction he was wanted, but it went where it went. We have to go back today. I wish we didn't! I want to talk and be with you more. I forgot how much fun we had - how much we had in common. Heh! I guess neither of us knew quite HOW much we had in common!"
"I wish we had spent more time together too, Jake! I loved our time together last night. I wish I - we - could come back to see you again soon."
"Hey! Do you think you could?!"
"I don't know. Your parents are letting us stay here, gratis, but still things are pretty -"
"Hell, if that's all it is, we can work that out! Last night was so good for Colin. He has not allowed himself to let anything out since we - found out. We are planning to come back for Christmas, but I want to see you before that. How about week after next? My dad will pay your way!"
"Your dad has done so much for us, I hate to ask -"
"This isn't for you! It's for Colin - and me. Maybe you and Seth - and Craig -"
"I don't know about Craig - how he will - er -"
"Well, let's be optimistic! Anyway, I will talk to my dad before we go. Will that work for your schedule?"
"I'll - we'll MAKE it work. If your dad can talk to mine, to make him more comfortable with Seth going, it may be easier."
"What will be easier?" Seth said, coming out of the room.
"I'll tell you later," I said.
"I'm not going to mention this to Colin before we go," Jake whispered in my ear.
We had breakfast with the family and then Seth and I went running. After we ran-walked for a couple miles and back, we stopped to rest before heading back home.
"Did you think I shouldn't have - asked the questions I did last night, Christy?"
"I sure was worried about it when you were asking. As it turned out, it was exactly what both Jake and Colin needed."
"Really?" Seth looked so pleased!
"Really! As a matter of fact Jake wants us to come to Vermont in a couple weeks to do some more of it. He seems to think it really helped Colin - and himself!"
"Really? We are going to Vermont?!!"
"Well, I - I maybe should have waited to tell you until it was more sure, but - maybe!"
"We're goin'!" That was my Seth!
The rest of the day was spent playing games with the children, talking all around, and eating left-overs. Jake seemed to get so much joy from playing with the kids! He tired easily, but he knew his limits. That night, Colin almost had to carry Jake up the stairs and into the bedroom. He was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
"Chris - this may seem a strange request, but - could you guys sleep in here with us tonight?"
"I'm sure we're up for whatever you want, Colin."
"Well, I'd like to say this is for Jake - and it IS, but - I just want to know - I don't know - I don't want to be the last to go to sleep!"
"I can sleep on the floor!" Seth said.
"You are a very sweet kid, Seth, but this super-king sized bed is big enough for all of us, the way I want to do it. Chris, you get in the other side of Jake, and nestle to his front side, while I will warm his backside. Seth you can sleep on the other side of your brother, k?"
We got into bed as arranged, Colin flipped off the lght, then joined us, at Jakes backside. Colin snaked his arm under both Jake's and necks. I could feel jakes breath softly on my neck. Colin's hand was sticking out beyond my chin. I held it and stroked it until I heard his breathing slow way down, and was sure he was asleep. Then I reached out and touched seth. He was still awake. I put my hand to his face, then found his hand, brought it up to my lips and kissed it. I don't kow if Seth or I fell asleep last.
Jake was the first up again. I woke up sandwiched between Seth and Colin. Somehow I extricated my self from them without waking them.
"Morning!" I whispered to Jake. "How long have you been up?"
"Since about 3:30! I couldn't get back to sleep. So I got up and peed and came out here. I think I may have dropped off a couple times here on the couch."
"What time do you have to get out of here?"
"Too soon!" He said, already sounding tired. He looked terrible. He got up and disappeared into the room with Colin and Seth, both still asleep. I saw him squat down next to Colin. "Colin." He said very sweetly and quietly. "Colin, baby! Time to get up."
"Mmm?" Colin smiled back at him.
"We have to be leaving for the airport by 9:00 and we have to pack, eat some breakfast and say our good byes."
"Where's - where's Seth?"
"I'm right here next to you!"
"C'mere, kid!"
Seth almost flew into Colin's arms. The look of pure love that was exchanged between the two put a big lump in my throat!
"Thanks - for last night - but especially the night before!!" Colin said.
"Huh?"
"Thanks for - for - drawing us out that night. I know I didn't say much, but -" He let it end there, then said, "And thank you too, Chris! I can see why Jake loves you so much!"
"Dad, can you stay long enough for Seth to come to the airport with us?"
"You guys had a really good time last night, huh?
"Well, yeah, but - mostly - I don't want to ride all the way home with Craig - alone."
"Craig?"
"Yeah, you know Craig: tall good looking, sexy -"
"I meant - oh! You are going to pick him up when you take Jake and Colin."
"Yeah. There's a couple hours between, but Seth and I can talk longer than that."
"I think that will be okay. Hey! What if we leave a couple hours after you, and we can meet you at the airport, and all go out for dinner?"
"Well, - that still leaves me riding all the way home - probably four hours today - alone with Craig."
"That might not be a bad thing, Chris. You need to talk. Captive audience and all?"
"Sigh! I guess you're right. Thanks!"
Chapter Notes: Sue me! Praise me! Just don't ignore me! Don't forget to put "Chris" in the subject line. Love, Steve s4d@hotmail.com