I have been informed that it would be a good idea to state a few warning comments. There may be graphic sexual scenes between men in this story, so please, if this offends you, or it is illegal or you are underaged to read such, stop here and hit your "back" button. If it is okay with you, read on and enjoy.
From Ch. 14:
Rob eventually moved from the room next to us, to the one on the far side of the house. "I can still hear you sometimes." He said. Then he admitted something I thought Rob would never admit:
"Sometimes when I know you guys are going at it, I try to wank and make it end at the same time. I only accomplished it once, but OMIGOSH! It was so intense listening to you while I - er - ended!" He turned deep red telling us!
I told him he was welcome to come into the room any time, so he could time it better. "No WAY! Pervert!" He said, but he had a smile on his face. Were we corrupting him?
Chapter 15
"Dear Dad,
I hope mom was able to convince you to read this. Dad, I can't tell you how much it breaks my heart to not be able to see and talk to you. I know that you are heart broken too, to find out that you have a son who is not all you dreamed for him. And to add to that, he is gay. I have always known how you felt about this issue. Because of that, and how seemingly ingrained it was in even me, I have struggled, and still am struggling with it myself.
Please don't think I place any blame on you or Mom. I don't believe it has anything to do with either of you. I am what I am. I believe God made me this way, and as the cartoon said, "God don't make no junk!" Someday we may find out why some of us are one way while others are another, seemingly "wrong" way. Why does HE allow children to be born different colors, when it causes so much division in the world. I can't answer that any more than you can.
The only thing I can say, is I love you Dad! You have always been my idol, my inspiration. I always admired all the other boys as I grew up, thinking they were doing the same. As I got older, and realized they were all getting more interested in girls, and I wasn't, I pretended to be. And guess what? It worked to some degree. I liked being with girls. I loved dating them and kissing them. And as popular as I was in high school, I never felt comfortable around the guys - I was always worried they might catch me looking or worse. I wondered if they masturbated, but was afraid to ask. I thought I was "the compulsive wanker", until I got into a sexuality class at Berkeley, and learned I was completely normal in that department.
Dad, I miss you, and I miss talking to and hearing from you. I talk to Mom, occasionally, during the day when you are gone, but I want to be loved by you again. I have never stopped loving you.
Your adoring son, Craig"
"Sounds pretty formal to me." I said after Craig asked me to read it.
"That's the way our relationship always was. I loved and looked up to him, but he was always kind of distant. Other than that, what do you think?"
"I think it says what you need to say - as well as what you want to say. >From here, it is in his court."
"Is there anything else I should say? Or do?"
"I think it is perfect. Pray! You can do that!"
"I was never much good at praying. Maybe you can do it for me."
"It's easy, man. You just talk to Him." I said.
"It's easy for you, because you know how. Or at least you say you do."
"Okay. Lets do it."
"What?"
"Pray!"
"You mean right here - and now?"
"Can you think of a better time - or place - than now, in our own special place - our bedroom?"
"No."
"I'll show you how." I got down on my knees.
"What are you doing?"
"I like to kneel. Makes me feel more in the right attitude."
"K." He knelt beside me.
I reached out and took Craig's hand in mine, and rested them on the bed.
"Heavenly Father, we want to ask you to bless us. Right now, especially, as we prepare to send this letter to Craig's Dad, we ask you for guidance.
First though, Father, we want to thank you for what you have already blessed us with. Especially for parents who raised us with values that are important to us. Father, I personally am so thankful to have Craig in my life. We don't pretend to understand why we are the way we are, but we believe that in your wisdom you have chosen to give us this challenge. We accept it and love you for it.
Father, now as we send this letter to Craig's Dad, please help us, especially Craig, to feel peaceful about it. Please help Craig's dad to soften his heart, and invite Craig back into his life.
Please forgive the many thoughtless things we do that hurt others or omit to do, which could help others.
We love you Father. In Jesus, name, Amen"
I looked over at Craig. He looked almost afraid to move for the longest time. I gave him his time. Finally he turned his head slightly and peeked one eye open at me. When he saw me smiling at him, he opened his eyes.
"What were you waiting for?" I asked him.
"I don't know. You didn't move, so neither did I. I thought maybe we were waiting for an answer."
"I suppose he could answer that quickly, but I think he usually does it in his own time."
"I could never do that." He said as we got to our feet.
"Never do what?"
"Pray like that."
"Like you said, I have been doing it for a long time. There is no set way.
I think He hears whatever we say to Him, whether we are sitting standing or kneeling. I like to kneel and got in the habit, because I used to do it lying down and would fall asleep! Oh, I forgot one thing!"
"What?"
"I forgot to ask Him to help us accept what ever happens."
Craig went back to his knees.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Aren't you going to finish up?"
"HA! No, not now, but you can ask Him later, K?"
Rrrring!
"Hello?" It was 6:30, Saturday morning.
"Chris?"
"SETH!!??"
"Hi, Christy! When are you coming home? I thought you would be here this summer!"
"I had to make up some classes, Bro. But I'm only a couple hours away. You are driving now. Why don't you come visit us? We have an extra room."
"Do you think I could?"
"I don't see any reason why not!" I said.
"I don't think dad wants me to - to - be around you - alone."
"Oh, God! Are you kidding me?"
"Nope!"
"Well, you're still only 17, so you have to do as he says, I suppose."
"Are you going to be there this morning?"
"Yeah, but you better not -" CLICK!
I dialed my parents' number. Mom answered" "Hello?"
"Hi mom!"
"Christopher! When are you coming home?"
"I have a pretty heavy load of summer classes. Can I talk to Seth?"
"Seth's not here, Sweetie."
"He has to be! I just got through talking to him."
"He is at your - well he drove up there last night. I talked to him before he went to bed. He is at your Uncle Jake's."
"But is that okay with Dad?"
"He let him use his car!"
"That little pecker!"
"What?"
"Never mind! I'm just going to kill him, that's all!"
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
"As soon as I open the door! He's here, Mom. Can I call you later?"
"You better call! I guess I spoiled his little surprise. Well, at least act surprised! Bye, sweetie."
I sprang from the bed. "What's up?" Craig said sleepily.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!
"Seth's at the door!" I said as I bounded out our door and opened the front door.
Seth looked so damned cute! Standing there in his sweats and with a huge grin on his face. He didn't even bother to comb his hair, which made him look even younger! He was seventeen, going on thirteen, anyway! Now he looked about eleven or twelve! I yanked him into the house, and slammed the door! I grabbed him and did a little dance, his feet off the floor. Then I threw him on the couch! "Now you are going to pay for that little trick!" I said. I pinned him and started to tickle him. I knew exactly where to get him!
"Can I join in?" Craig said.
"No - hee hee - way!" Seth said. "That - -hee hee - would be two against - hee hee - one!"
"Who said I was talking about getting YOU! Maybe I'll join you in getting Chris!" Craig said
"And just maybe," Rob came out of his room. "Just maybe I should make sure you don't interfere between two brothers!" Rob then tackled Craig, easily pinning him to the floor, and started to tickle him. Seth wriggled his arms free and was getting me back, we were all giggling like a bunch of little boys.
I think it dawned on us all at the same time. We all had raging boners! Craig's and Rob's and mine were all poking through our boxers. Seth's was very obvious in his sweats. After an embarrassing long moment of dead silence, I said, "We better stop! This is exactly what Dad was worried about!"
"Who said Dad was worried about anything?" Seth said.
"You did, on the phone!"
"I was just fuckin' with yuh!" He said as he tackled me anew. Then we went at each other with renewed energy. Laughing almost hysterically, Seth then said, "Hi, Craig!" And he attacked Craig. Poor Craig didn't have a chance.
He didn't know what to do or what he could or should do! Finally he pinned Seth.
"You're a wiry little son-of-a-bitch, you know that?" Craig said.
Seth wrenched free. "And who's the big guy?"
"OH!" I said. "This is my little brother, Rob! I forgot that you guys have never met."
Rob extended his hand. Seth shook it and said, "Nice to meet ya! Now that we are such good friends -" and with that, he attacked Rob! With no difficulty, Rob picked him up and placed him firmly on the couch. Craig and I just watched. Rob then started to tickle Seth unmercifully. Seth was able to free his arms again and he wrapped them around Rob as tight as he could, and was straining to keep from laughing, when all of a sudden, "OH! AH! AH! UFF! OH. GOD! AH-AH" and then a high pitched, "Aaiiieeee"
Rob jumped off like he had been shocked, and exclaimed, "The little shit came on me!" Normally, Rob didn't cuss. His stomach glistened and there was a huge wet spot in the front of Seth's sweats. Seth ran for the front door, then realizing he could not go back to the main house like that, came back in, and ran for a door to a bedroom, and closed it behind him.
We could hear him sobbing. Rob said, "I'm so sorry, I didn't know that -"
"It's not your fault." I said. I opened the door to Rob's room, where Seth had escaped to.
I walked over and put my hand on his shoulder. He threw his arms around me.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!" he cried, in-between sobs.
"Seth, Baby, it's not your fault. I started it! We got a little carried away, that's all. You saw it. We were all - er - excited. Rob is - well he feels like shit. He isn't - gay - like -" I stopped. "Seth are you - ?"
"I don't know! I like it, I know that!"
"You like - er - what?"
"I have a friend and we - we - er - play around sometimes." He said. Then he added, almost defensively, "But we both like girls better!"
"How do you know? Have you ever -(?) - with a girl?"
"No, but we both want to! I think that's why we like to - have fun with each other!"
"You may be right." I said. "C'mon over to our room. I'll fix you up with something not so - wet!" and I snickered! That was enough to break the tension. We went into my room and I found him a clean set of sweats. "These are a little big on you, but they are the same color, so no one else in the big house will know any difference."
"Seth, I - I don't know quite what to say. I feel so bad!" Rob said. "I shouldn't have stimulated you so roughly - I'm so sorry."
"It's okay." Said Seth, not really sounding like it was. He was just so embarrassed. He could not look any of the rest of us in the face.
To lighten the mood a little, I said, "Heh! So how was it, Rob? That's prolly the first boy juice you ever had on you!" Both Rob and Seth smiled at that and both turned a little redder.
"OH!" Seth said, "Auntie Etta said you `betta not be comin' in late fo' brekkfist!' Aunt Lindy wants us all there this morning. Jake and his guy, Colin, came in early this morning. I guess they have an important announcement of some kind."
"I think I know what it will be." I said.
"What?" Said Seth.
"Let's just wait and see, k? When are we supposed to be down there?"
"At 9:00 AM."
"9:00 AM! That's in ten minutes!" I said. You go back and tell them we'll be there, and we will do our - We'll be there!"
Seth seemed recovered from his funk, prolly by the news he got to deliver to us. When we walked into the kitchen, Etta checked the clock, and said. "Lucky fo' you, you he-ah on time! Uddahwice Etta get eeben." Then she stepped closer to me, winked and said, "Pritty good catch there, Christy", loud enough for Craig to hear. That was the first time I could ever remember Craig blushing.
Ding-ding-ding-ding! Uncle Jake tapped on a goblet. "Okay, everyone, Jake has an announcement for us."
All eyes were on Jake.
"As most of you know, Colin and I are getting married - legally - soon. Well this is to inform you that on October 1, we have arranged a small ceremony at a very special place we found in Vermont. We hope you can all come!" He said, and looking at Craig and Rob, "Yes, ALL of you. My dad has agreed to take care of all the arrangements for flying up, plus the accommodations." He looked at Colin, who was beaming.
"And I want to say this." Colin said. "I want to especially thank the Smith Family for their kindness and generosity - and love - through our whole history together. I love them all so much - especially one of them!" He said, looking at Jake. "I never knew love like this existed. I certainly never expected it to happen to me! I love you Jake - SO MUCH!"
After breakfast, Seth asked me privately, "Do you think he meant to ask me to go, too?"
"I expect they would not exclude you! Your only concern is if Dad will let you go."
"He will!" He said, too positively.
"I just don't want you to be too disappointed, Bro! I'm sorry, but you don't look a day over thirteen or fourteen, and I'm afraid, even though Dad has kind of accepted that I am gay, he won't take too well to you being influenced - to the degree this could affect you."
"It's not going to make any difference." Emotionally, Seth was as immature as he looked.
"I know that - or at least I believe it. I'm not too sure Dad is so inclined."
"He'll let me go - Mom will make him!" I have to say, the kid was a positive thinker.
"Well, I won't discourage you any further. Just don't let it ruin your life if it doesn't work out."
"Maybe you could talk to him."
"Like THAT would do anything but more harm!"
"You could talk to Mom! She -"
Who's harming who?" Rob joined in.
"Nothing. Just brother talk."
"Gosh, I wish I had a brother!"
"You do," I said, my lower lip protruding - me!"
"Chris doesn't think our dad will let me go to Vermont!" He said it almost like he was accusing me.
"Did you want to go?" Rob said. The way he said it, I was starting to wonder if Rob was a little jealous of my love and relationship with my brother.
"Yeah, but Chris thinks -"
"Let's just drop it for now, eh?" I pleaded. It didn't take long for the "little boy" Seth to get on my nerves. In truth, I think it was a much too harsh reminder that I was barely an adult myself! "Seth! You are going to be a senior this year! Big man on campus!"
"Yeah." He said with not too much enthusiasm. "And smaller than most of the freshmen!"
"Most of the freshmen - AND the seniors - only WISH they had your looks!" Rob said! Seth glowed at that remark - especially coming from Rob!
The rest of the weekend was one big party! Jake and Colin moved their stuff in to the middle room in the guesthouse. Seth begged to stay there too, but Aunt Lindy said no, the college boys should have their privacy. Well, Jake and Colin were finished with college, but I can well imagine Aunt Lindy promised to my parents, to "protect" Seth. And in reality, we WERE into more mature things. I almost wished Rob were staying in the big house! How nice it was - how comfortable - to be with two more gay guys! I am sure it helped Craig to loosen up.
Neither Jake or Colin were flaming fems, but Colin definitely was a little swishy! The funny thing was that I don't think he realized it. It made me take a look at myself. I wondered how many guessed that I was gay. We went out to a bar Saturday night - my first gay bar - besides the overstuffed one in San Francisco. That hardly qualified - we were there less than ten minutes. This was closer to my home. We were introduced to a guy named Johnny. And his son! Yeah, like anybody bought that one! Turns out Brian WAS his stepson! They were sort of friends of Colin's. Colin's dad worked with Johnny. Colin was surprised, because he later told us the last he knew, Johnny was still married, but had heard that Johnny was at least bi. He knew Brian was gay, because Brian brought him to that very bar - Colin's first experience at a gay bar. He said it was also his last. He was "rescued" somehow, by Jake. But anyway, it seemed so strange to see two guys, who LOOKED like father and son, to be lovers! The rest of the guys in the bar looked like cowboys. It was in the foothills, and it surprised me to see "redneck" queers! It was almost funny. So THAT'S what the rhinestone cowboy is all about!
I stopped by to see my mom and dad while we were near. The other four guys stayed in the car. (We borrowed Uncle Jake's big SUV) But Mom insisted they all come in. She knew Rob, and wanted to meet Craig. Dad was curious, as well. I think it was a good thing. Since none of us were flamers, and acted, as far as my dad could see, "normal", I think it put his mind a little more at ease. We even talked about the upcoming wedding. Mom and dad were even considering going.
"NO!" Seth said. "That will ruin EVERYTHING!"
"Why, Bro?" I said
"Then, at least you will be sure to be able to go." Craig added.
Seth had tears in his eyes. "I don't want them there watching my every move! If they go, I'm not going!"
Seth was almost livid in his disappointment that Mom and Dad might be going to Vermont too. I guess he saw it as his first chance to be away from home- on his own. Probably exactly what Mom and Dad didn't want. We were all whispering, in my room. Jake and Colin were in my sister's old room, and Rob was on the couch in the den. We had dropped off Seth on our way to the bar, and Mom insisted we stay there for the night. Seth crept in to my room after all the lights were out. Craig and I were already in bed. Seth was sitting on the side of the bed.
"C'mere, Little Bro!" I said, my arms extended. He laid down - on top of the covers - beside me, and I wrapped my arms around my little brother. He snuffled on my neck. I turned him over so he was between me and Craig. I signaled to Craig and he sandwiched Seth between us. We held him there for a long time. When I heard his breathing slow way down, I knew he was asleep. I very carefully lifted him up, and carried him to his room. He didn't wake up. Heh! I had to drag the covers with us, as they were in-between us!
Chapter notes: For those of you who are new to Jake and Colin, you can read about them in the College section of Nifty. It is called "Colins-Story" and the last posting was Aug. 15, 2002. Any comments or curses can be sent to s4d@hotmail.com. Be sure to include "Chris" in the subject box. Thanks! Love, Steve