I have been informed that it would be a good idea to state a few warning comments. There may be graphic sexual scenes between men in this story, so please, if this offends you, or it is illegal or you are underaged to read such, stop here and hit your "back" button. If it is okay with you, read on and enjoy.
So we left poor Chris in a mess in chapter 11:
"I don't think he is, Chris. He was so devastated when he left here. He said that it was all a big mistake."
"I - I know - it must have been! I know there must have been an - an explanation for - for -"
"He wasn't talking about his mistake with Gunt." I looked surprised that she knew. "He told us everything. The mistake he was talking about was ever thinking that he could make it in the gay world. He said he was going to try to put it all behind him, and - Chris - he's not coming back."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo! This could NOT be happening! I felt like screaming, but I had enough control by now to keep it to myself. My head was pounding with the suppressed anger, frustration and grief I felt.
"You know I never ever even got his home address or phone number. Did he leave it with you." I asked her.
"Yes, but he made it pretty clear that he was going to try to start over."
Chapter 12
Al tried to contact Craig, but his father was not cooperative in contacting him. He rudely told her than His son wanted nothing to do with any fags! She told my mom, and when mom told me, I guess I sort of went off the deep end. I don't remember it, but I guess I started yelling and screaming, and banging my head against the steel headboard of the hospital bed. The next thing I can remember - besides the dreams - and only vaguely - is waking up and feeling restrained. I'm told they had to restrain my hands and feet to the bed.
Oh! Did you want to know about the dreams? Well there's not much to tell. Bits and snips is all. Mostly faces. I can't make any sense of them. I remember snips of my mom looking concerned.
Of Rob's wonderful expression as he covered us up "that night". Also of him - it seemed like he was holding me. I felt all warm and wonderful. Can't really remember anything else.
Of Gunt's hauntingly evil face. I wanted to kill him, I think.
Of Craig, looking wounded, the last time I actually saw him. God!!! I loved him so DAMNED much!
And of Richard! Who the hell is Richard, you're asking? I had no idea. I never knew any Richard - at least well enough to dream about him. I think he might have been my guardian angel. He certainly looked enough like what I suppose an angel looked like, and he was dressed in all white.
Actually I think my dreams got all mixed up with reality:
I opened my eyes. "Hi Mom."
"Oh, Baby! Are you - are you alright?" She pushed the nurse button over my head on the bed.
"Why wouldn't I be. How long have I been asleep?"
"You have been - what is the last thing you remember?"
"Al was telling me - that Craig is gone." I started to cry a little. "Mom, does it always hurt like this? Have you ever - ?" "Oh, my sweet baby boy! Your heart is breaking isn't it? Chris, Honey, you have been in and out of consciousness for the last five days, since Al told you that. Don't you remember?"
Then the nurse poked her head in: "Did you call?"
"He's awake - and seems - normal - this time." My mom said. I didn't have a clue what she was talking about.
"I'll get Dr. Starr. He wanted to know as soon as any change happened."
It just occurred to me. I had restraints so I could not move my arms or legs very far. "Mom, why do I have these - why can't I move?" It was just a question. It didn't seem to matter, even though I was aware it should have. Wierd!
"You got pretty - er - violent. They didn't want you to hurt yourself any more."
"I hurt myself?"
"You banged your head against the headboard pretty hard - repeatedly."
"Wow! I must have been pretty out of my head! Can you take these off?"
"No, I'm not supposed to. I guess Dr. Starr will be in, in a minute."
"Dr. Starr?"
"Yes. He is your - uh - doctor."
Then in walked my angel! "Hello, Mrs. Gary! Is our boy feeling better?"
"I think so. I HOPE so! Chris, this is Dr. Starr."
"Hi Chris! Do you remember me?"
"Not - not really. It seemed like I dreamed about you. Only in my dream your name was Richard!"
"That's my name! So you remember some things!"
"But how would I know your name was Richard?"
"I am a resident here. I am taking some classes at the university. I met a friend in one of those classes. He calls me Richard, and he has been here a lot. His name is Robert E. Lee Balser. Know anyone by that name?"
"Rob!"
"Yes, he has spent a lot of time here, especially at first when you -" he looked at my mom. she nodded. "when you were - trying to hurt yourself. When I could not be here, he filled in for me. He had a very calming effect on you. By the way, you were in one of my classes too - before you got sick - English Lit."
"Oh! What do you mean, Rob `Filled in" for you?'" I asked.
"Chris, I am a psychiatrist."
"Oh."
Normally, I would have been pretty stunned. For some reason, I didn't much care.
"Does that bother you any?" he asked?
"Should it?" I replied.
"Well, often people kind of freak out when they learn a shrink is treating them. But you are under some medication to calm you. Do you think you are ready for your restraints to be taken off??
"I - I guess so. Do you think so, Dr. Starr?" At the moment I didn't care too much - as I did a few minutes before, when I asked Mom to let me loose. I was completely blown away by Doctor Starr. He didn't look much older than I, and he really did look and act like an angel.
"I think that you have taken a turn for the better, and if you think you are ready, I think it would be safe. And you can call me Richard if you want. It's important though that you keep taking your medication for now."
"Can I ask you something, Dr. St- er - Richard?"
"Of course!"
"Were you - er - were you er - holding me - or something?"
"Yes, Chris, I was. I, uh -"
Again he looked at my mom. She said, "He and Rob took turns holding you when you were - upset - and stuff."
"So that's how Rob `filled in' for you?" I asked Richard.
Mom answered, "Yes. They were the only ones who could calm you. Actually they were the only ones big enough!" Richard looked to be about the same size as Rob. "But that didn't seem to be an issue. When either of them as much as touched you, you became very - uh - relaxed."
I should prolly tell you a little about Richard, shouldn't I? Richard really did look like an angel. And he WAS wearing all white - at least from where I sat - or I should say lay. He had thin blond hair trimmed short. His eyes were gorgeous - soft brown - and kind! As I said, he looked about Rob's size, but not built like Rob. Rob was pretty buff. Richard was very slim. He had a thin face (not too thin!) His eye lashes were thick and curly. His lashes and brows were darker than his hair, which really set off his eyes! His cheeks were rosy, and his lips almost too pink. Everything else, nose, ears, etc., was in perfect proportion.
And clean. He always looked so clean! Doctors are supposed to be clean, I know. But he looked scrubbed and polished! His cheeks actually shined! But no more than his eyes! They sparkled like his name would infer. He looked more like a movie "Starr"!
"Are you all right with that?" Richard asked, as he removed the restraints.
"With what?" I asked
"Us holding you."
"I've always liked hugs. Especially when Rob - well he taught me how to hug!"
"I know. He told me. But we were more than just hugging you. I half layed down almost on top of you - on top of the covers. Rob felt - comfortable enough to - climb under the covers with you and hold you close. Both he and your mom assured me it would be all right."
"Wow! Rob did that for me?"
"You were pretty distraught at times - pretty scared at others."
"Scared? Of what?"
"Of being left alone. You begged us not to leave you."
"Wow! That's heavy! Thanks, Doc! - er - Richard!"
His cheeks turned a little redder. "It's what I do." He said as he looked directly into my eyes. It felt like he looked all the way through me!
"Mom, did it seem to you like - like Rich - Dr. Starr was - extra nice to me?"
"Of course he was nice, honey. He's a psychiatrist. He's paid to make you feel better."
"What - er - why do I -" I was trying to say?! "I can feel the medication a little. It kind of makes me not care - a little, but - I still feel terrible about Craig leaving, and yet, I feel something - er - special or something - for Dr. Starr. It's so confusing! Am I - is that okay, or is there something wrong with me?"
"As I understand it, very often people fall in love with their therapist. Maybe that's part of it. How do you feel toward Rob? He was also very close with you when you were delirious."
"I really do love Rob. And he loves me. And truthfully, I think if he was gay, I would have never gone for it with Craig. But he's not, so it was not an issue. He's not only NOT gay, he is still a virgin, Mom! He is one of the sweetest guys I have ever met!" normally I wouldn't have been so open with my mom, but I guess the meds were helping.
"But you love him. So you feel kind of the same with Dr. Starr. And he is making you better."
Was that all it was? Why did I have the feeling he was - the only thing that came to mind was - coming on to me.
"Is Rob coming to see me later?'
"Rob's not here."
"I know that. I mean after class. Is he coming to see me?"
"No sweetie. He's not here - in town. He is in Cincinnati."
"Cincinnati!? What's he doing there?" I knew that she knew the implication.
"He went back to try to contact Craig personally."
"Why."
"Because Craig's dad was not cooperative. Don't you remember?"
"Oh yeah!"
"You probably need some rest. Can I close your drapes for you?"
"Good idea."
She closed the drapes and left the room.
The room got darker. I guessed it was because it was late afternoon when I "woke up". The door to the hall was closed. I fell asleep pretty quickly. I was awakened by the door opening. In the semi-dark I could see it was Gunt. In my sleepy stupor, I just watched him as he neared my bed. I then noticed my restraints had been put back on. He stuffed a rag into my mouth.
He threw back the covers, and saw the restraints, and uttered an evil laugh. He yanked my pillow from behind my head.
His evil grin got bigger as he lowered the pillow over my face. I struggled against my restraints and tried to call out, but I was powerless. He kept putting more and more force on my face until I felt like I was about to explode!
"Mr. Gary! Christopher! Wake up, wake up!!" It was the nurse. She was shaking me. I woke up and flinched big, as I thought she was Gunt at first.
"You were having a nightmare, Mr. Gary." She explained. "I was making my rounds and heard you struggling and mumbling in here. Are you all right?"
"I am now," I exclaimed. "Thanks for rescuing me!" she was a very pretty, plump girl I judged in her mid twenties.
"It's so nice to see you back, Mr. Gary! I have your prescription here." She handed me a cup with two tiny pills in it and some water. I took the pills. "If you are sure you're all right, I have some more people to check on."
"I'm sure I will be fine." I said. And I was! As soon as she left, I fell immediately back to sleep. It seemed like I dreamed all night. As I lay there, Rob came in and got under the covers with me. He held me for a long time, spooning me from the back. Weird, but I dreamt I fell asleep and was awakened as someone else climbed in. It was Craig. He was facing me, and holding me close. Rob was at my back and Craig was at my front. Rob was caressing my neck with his lips, and Craig's lips touched mine. I closed my eyes, and as his tongue entered my mouth, I dreamily opened my eyes enough to see it was no longer Craig kissing me, but Richard was there, and he was not only kissing me but his hands were caressing my back. Rob was no longer there, just Richard and me. He was rubbing my back and his hand ran down and squeezed my butt. I closed my eyes and put my hand on his face. "I love you, Christy!" He said to me.
"Chris? Can you hear me?" Richard said, trying to wake me up.
"Yeah, I heard you, Richard! I love you too!" My eyes popped open. "What?" I shook my head to clear the cobwebs.
"Some nice dream you were having there, partner!" he exclaimed, as he put his hand on my forehead. I looked up into those warm, expressive, wonderful eyes and almost came on the spot!
"OH! Hi Doc! Yeah, it was nice1 What did I say?"
"I haven't the foggiest! You were mumbling!"
THANK GOD!
"The nurse said you had a nightmare last night."
"Yeah! It seemed so real!"
"Sorry. Some times the medication has that effect. But then one I just woke you from was nicer, obviously."
"Heh! Yeah."
"So what was the nightmare about?"
"I - don't - know - if I can -"
"You can tell me anything, Chris. I am bound by law to keep it confidential."
"Well," I started, but then I inserted, "Do you know about Gunther?"
"You mean that little loud-mouthed pip-squeek? Doesn't everyone?"
"Wow! My nightmare was about him." I then explained as much of it as I could remember.
"Sounds about right. Why would you dream about him?"
I then told him about my - well our history with him.
"So YOU'RE the ones!"
"What?"
"He was recently expelled from the university. It was supposedly a very hush-hush thing, but everyone knows about it."
"What!? He was expelled!?" I was amazed! "On what grounds?"
"Several things actually. He was of course involved in some pretty disgusting stuff with his roommates, but that was not why he was ex-ed. Apparently he was blackmailing someone - apparently you! - but no one knows that! He was also stealing from the Gay frat. One of his roommates was the treasurer, and he got access to it. That guy is one scumbag!"
"You don't know the half of it!" I said. "Well, good riddance!"
"So, Mr. Gary," he said in pretended formality, "Care to tell me about the good dream?"
I felt my face fill with blood! I stammered, "Oh, it was not that much! Just some erotic stuff."
"Aw, c'mon Chris! You gave me the awful stuff! Tell me the good stuff! It could be important."
"Okay," I said with a huge sigh, "here goes!" I shifted on the bed in several different positions.
"Look, if you are really uncomfortable with this -"
"No, it's okay!" I retorted. I found I WANTED to tell him, even as embarrassing as it was to me! I wanted to let him know how I felt. But then as I told him, I left out the last part.
"Is that it, then?" his beautiful eyes bored into mine.
"What else did you - uh - want to know?" I said.
"Well," then he looked a little uneasy, "I - uh - couldn't understand what you were saying, but I thought I heard - MY name - in there somewhere."
I almost whispered, "You were."
"How did I fit in?"
"In the front." I said, barely audible.
"Huh?"
"At the end!" I said, my voice had returned. "It wasn't Craig - it was you!" My face was burning and my hands were tingling!
He started, "O -" now it was Richard who lost his voice! Oh!" he whispered hoarsely.
We sat there in embarrassed silence for a good minute. Finally he found his voice again. "Ahem! Well! if there is nothing else, and you feel okay, I better get on with my rounds, huh?" He looked like he wanted to say more, but thought better of it.
"Guess so! See yah, Doc!"
Chapter notes: What's this? Where did he come from? I'm not responsible for any of your bad dreams or dry or wet! What comes into my mind, goes into my spinal cord, and somehow comes out in my fingers tapping on these keys. There is no plan, so don't ask what I am planning next! But I'm having fun. I am crying, I am sighing, I am laughing! I hope you are too1
S4d@hotmail.com and don't forget the Chris" in the subject area.
NOW! I really AM going away for a few days, so accept my apology, those of you who look here every day for an update. I'll do my best to not think about it all the long Labor Day weekend.
Luvnhugsnstuf! Steve T.