Choices

Hey everybody! I wasn't planning on submitting anything right now, but I've reached one of those critical points in the story. Y'all deserve to read it now. So let me know what you think. Finally some of the past comes out.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: blah...damn I don't feel like writing this.

Chapter 19

"I am so glad they finally left." Casey said shutting the door behind JC and Chris. "I wanted some time alone on this trip."

Justin grinned and lay down on the couch. Casey put her hands on her hips and looked down at him. "And where do you expect me to sit if you are sprawled out on the couch?" She asked jokingly.

"I guess you could lay on top of me. That is if you want to." Justin said innocently. Casey giggled and climbed on top of him. She rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around him.

Justin kissed the top of her head. "Hey Casey, I missed you." Justin said softly. "I missed you too Justin." Her voice was even quieter. She nuzzled his chest softly before looking up at him.

"We need to talk Justin." Casey averted her eyes from his, leaving no question what she wanted to talk about with him.

"I think you're right. We do need to talk." Casey sat up, letting Justin up as well. They faced each other sitting Indian-style on the couch.

"We started this as friends Justin. And I love having you as a friend. I don't want to lose that."

Justin held up his hand. "Wait. I think we are going the same way with this conversation."

"Really?" Casey asked her voice filled with relief. Justin nodded. "You're a great friend and this has been a fun relationship, but I think we both need to move on."

Casey threw her arms around Justin, hugging him tightly. "I'm so glad you feel the same way. I was afraid I was going to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me little girl. We are always going to be friends."

Justin let her go and they both sat back. "So what brought it on for you?" He asked her, curious as to why she wanted to break it off. Casey blushed deeply. Justin knew immediately and he was happy for her.

He broke into a grin. "Tell me about him."

Casey blushed deeper. "His name is Mark. I met him when I was at Palm Beach in the beginning of the summer. He's a waiter at a little coffee shop I would go to."

"Have you started dating him already?" Casey shook her head. "I explained to him that I was with someone, but it really was more of a friendship. I wouldn't do anything with him if I was with you."

"Thanks, but I would have understood. We weren't in an exclusive relationship."

"Yeah I know, but I felt an odd loyalty to you Justin. I didn't want to hurt you in anyway. I know she cheated on you. I didn't want to be anything like her." Casey spit the word 'she' out bitterly.

Justin nodded. "I appreciate it." They were both quiet. Justin looked up at her. "It was fun wasn't it?"

Casey grinned. "We had our moments. I'm not going to miss getting threatened by Britney, but I am going to miss goofing off with you. Hell I'm just going to miss you in general. You really are something special Justin."

Justin shrugged. "I don't know about that. I'm just Justin. What's special about me?" He honestly didn't think he was that special of a person. Millions of fans would disagree with him, but deep down inside they didn't know him. Casey did.

"You are sweet, funny, kind, considerate, a total gentleman, and one of the cutest people I have ever met. You can make me feel better just by telling me a silly little story. Justin you are a very special person."

Justin blushed. "You are going to make someone very happy someday Justin. And I promise to be in the front row at your wedding cheering the two of you on."

Casey gave him a peck on the cheek, not moving back this time. She hovered slightly in front of Justin's face staring into his eyes. Justin moved his hand slowly behind her neck, pulling her closer to him. Their lips met, joining passionately.

Justin slowly lay back, still kissing Casey as she lay on top of him. He ran his hands up and down her back, sliding his hands under her shirt, feeling her smooth skin. Casey nibbled on his earlobe, pulling back to look into his eyes.

"Do you want to do this Justin?" She whispered, asking his approval before she went any further. "Only if you want to Casey." Justin whispered back. She nodded. "I want to."

He pushed her back slightly. "I don't think we should. It wouldn't be right." Casey pushed her hair behind her ears. She nodded.

"Maybe you're right." Casey gave Justin another kiss before climbing off him. He shifted and she lay down next to him, her back to his front. Justin put his arm over her side.

"So I guess I'm just the guy friend now." He said jokingly.

"At least you aren't the gay friend honey." Casey grinned up at him. He laughed. "Yeah much to many people's disappointment."

"Well your hairdressing skills are fabulous, but you can't match and lord knows you can't decorate for shit. So I would have to say that you aren't gay Justin."

"Well you forgot a big one."

"What?"

"I don't know. I seem to be attracted to women not men. I hear that's a big thing in determining whether or not you're gay."

"Hmm...I suppose so." She rolled over and smiled at him. "Are you sleepy?"

Justin nodded. "I'm ready for bed. How about you?" Casey nodded. She got up and held her hand out to him. Justin took it, pausing for a moment. "Do you want the bed? I'll sleep on the couch if you want."

Casey laughed at him. "We've been sharing a bed off and on since the end of December. I think we can tonight too. Besides I would hate to put you out."

"Okay. As long as you're comfortable with it. Let me go hide Mr. Bunny." Justin grinned. Casey laughed again.

"You are so silly Justin. If Mr. Bunny's not there, who is Irving going to talk to while I sleep?"

"You brought Irving?"

"Of course. He's in my suitcase."

Jean-Michel walked down the hall to Joey and JC's room. He needed to talk to Joey about Daniel. After finding him crying in the dressing room that one night, he had been keeping a close eye on both him and Darren. This morning Daniel was limping and he had a bruise on his cheek. It was time to have someone else intervene and Joey was the only one who could do anything. At least that's how he felt.

He knocked on the door, waiting for someone to open the door. JC opened it, his eyes cold and hard. He looked at Jean-Michel with open disgust at being bothered.

"Hello Joshua. Is Joseph here?" JC walked away from the door, his eyes filling with tears. Jean-Michel followed him concerned about JC.

"Joshua? What is wrong?" Jean-Michel put his hand on JC's shoulder, trying to get his attention. JC wrenched his shoulder away, turning to face him his eyes blazing despite the tears running down his cheeks.

"He's not here Jean! So just leave. I don't know where he is. I haven't seen him all day." JC walked away from him again. Jean-Michel followed again, not letting one of his best friends be alone.

"I am not going anywhere until you talk to me Joshua."

JC sat down on the couch and looked up at him. "Then you might as well get comfortable because I'm not talking."

Jean-Michel sighed and sat down next to him. He slipped his arm over JC's shoulder and crossed his legs.

"Do you know how many times I have thanked God for finding James?" Jean-Michel asked him. JC shot him an angry look. Jean ignored it and continued on.

"Not only do I have the love of my life, but I have four of the greatest friends I could ever ask for." JC wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

"It hurts me to see you so upset Joshua. I just want to help."

JC looked at Jean-Michel's face. He knew that he was just being a friend, but JC couldn't talk to him. He couldn't talk to anyone. Well he would talk to Joey about this usually, except it was Joey who was causing the problem.

"It's not that I don't appreciate your concern Jean, but I just don't want to talk about it. It's between me and Joey."

Jean nodded. He gave JC a kiss on the cheek. "If it is meant to be, everything will all work out Joshua. I know that the love is there between you both. You just have to learn to work with the flaws."

JC nodded. "How do you do it?"

"I have learned to bend quite a bit. James is a tough person to live with, as you very well know. We learned over the years how to live with each other."

"I can live with Joey. It's not that at all."

"Then what is it Joshua?"

JC's eyes filled with tears and he shook his head. Jean hugged him closely. "You do not have to tell me. It is okay."

"No, I want to tell you. I can't understand why he would love me. I don't deserve to be loved by him." JC took a deep breathe. "I'm a horrible person Jean. Horrible."

"You are not horrible Joshua. Do not ever say that about yourself." Jean held his chin and looked him in the eye. JC shook his head, refusing to believe him.

"Why are you horrible Joshua?"

"I'm dirty."

Jean was confused. What was Joshua talking about? "Dirty? What do you mean by that?"

"He beat me. Something must be wrong with me if he beat me."

"Joey? Joey beat you?"

JC shook his head, still crying. "Not Joey. Greg. Years ago."

Jean hugged him tightly. "That was not your fault. Greg was the person at fault."

"But I didn't stop him. And he only hit me when I did something wrong."

"What did you do wrong to make him hit you?"

"I would forget to make dinner or I would get home late from work. He always had a good reason."

"Those are not good reasons Joshua. There is no reason good enough to hit anyone. Especially if you love them."

JC buried his head in Jean's shoulder. "Have you told Joey about this?" JC shook his head. "I haven't told anyone."

"You need to tell Joseph about this. Make him understand what is happening."

"No. I can't tell him. He'll leave me if he knows what I did."

"Joseph will not leave you because of this. He will not leave you at all."

There was a noise at the door and it opened a moment later. JC wiped his eyes quickly. Joey walked in and put down his bag by the door.

"Hey guys. What's up?" Joey grinned at the two of them. JC got up and walked into the bedroom, leaving Joey and Jean-Michel alone.

Joey threw up his arms. "I'm so sick of this Jean. He never gives me a chance anymore. He just walks away. He promised me that he wouldn't push me away and that's what he's doing."

Jean-Michel stood up. "Maybe you should talk to him before getting mad."

"I try to talk to him. He just gives me a smart-ass comment and walks away. I love him Jean. I've never loved anyone like I love him. I don't want to lose him."

Jean-Michel hugged Joey softly. "He does not want to lose you either."

Joey nodded. "What brought you over here? You usually just don't drop by without a reason."

Jean-Michel shook his head. "Do not worry about it. I came to ask you a favor, but you need to concentrate on your own life. I will take care of it."

"No Jean. What do you need?" Joey protested. Jean sighed.

"It is Daniel. I am very worried about him. I found him crying in the dressing room a few weeks ago. Since then I have been keeping a close eye on him and Darren. This morning he was limping and had a bruise on his cheek. I think Darren is beating him."

Joey sighed and sat down. "I didn't want any confirmation of my suspicions. I thought that from the very beginning. I'll try and talk to him about it."

"Joey I do not think you should anymore. Take care of Josh first. Leave Daniel to me."

"I'll talk to him Jean. Josh and I will be fine. I want to help Daniel anyway. I just have to get him talking to me."

Jean-Michel wished he had never said anything about Daniel. After listening to JC's story, he knew that Joey needed to deal with that, not with Daniel. But he wouldn't listen.

"I'll talk to him tomorrow. I'm pretty tired Jean." Joey said hoping he would get the hint.

Jean nodded. "I will talk to you tomorrow Joseph." His voice was filled with regret. He had just made a big mistake.

Joey walked into the bedroom and stripped down to his boxers. JC was already in bed, his back to Joey. Joey slipped under the covers and snuggled up to JC. He spooned him, resting his hand on JC's hip.

"I love you Josh." There was no answer. He sighed heavily. "I love you too Joey." He could barely make out JC's whisper. He hugged him closer, kissing the back of his neck softly.

"Good night my love."

Chris rubbed Danielle's back softly as she threw up again. They had been up for about 5 minutes before she had gotten sick this time. She was suffering from morning sickness that didn't seem to understand that all day and night did not count as the morning.

Danielle leaned back, sitting on the ground. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and looked up at Chris. Her face was chalk white and she was sweating.

"I'm sorry." She said softly. Chris shook his head. "Don't be. You can't help it."

"Where are the girls at?"

"Daniel is watching them. I grabbed him as he was walking down the hall."

Danielle nodded her eyes closing. "I'm so tired Chris."

"Why don't you lay down? I'll pack everything up. We have to get on the bus in an hour."

Danielle groaned. "I don't want to get back on the bus. I'm going to throw up the whole time."

Chris smoothed her hair back. "Maybe you won't this time."

Tears began to fill Danielle's blue eyes. "I want to go home Chris. I need to go home. I want my mother."

Chris kissed her forehead. "Okay. We'll go home in a few days. I promise."

Danielle shook her head. "No you can't go. You have to stay. Promise me you won't leave."

Chris sighed. "I won't leave now. But after this tour that's another story."

Danielle looked up at him, unsure of what he was saying. Chris nodded. "I can't stand not being with you and the girls. Especially now with another baby on the way. I think it's time to grow up and stop being Chris Kirkpatrick and just be Chris."

"Chris you can't. You love this."

Chris looked around the small bathroom, taking in the cold, sterile surroundings so unlike the warm bathrooms in his own house.

"I want to be home. Besides wouldn't you like to get back to work? I know how much you miss teaching."

Danielle nodded. "Do we have to talk about this now? I'm too nauseous to make a real decision."

Chris kissed her nose. "Let's get you into bed then. We'll talk more when you're feeling better."

Chris lifted his girlfriend and carried her into the bedroom. Danielle didn't protest, resting her head on Chris' shoulder. Already this pregnancy was much worse then anything she had experienced while carrying the twins.

Chris rested her carefully on the bed. He was worried about her. As much as he wanted Danielle and the girls to stay with him, this was too much for her. She had lost weight the past two weeks since the vomiting had started. Food just made her ill.

He began to pack up the girls' toys and clothes slowly, watching Danielle sleep. She looked so exhausted. Chris just wanted to make it all go away.

Daniel sat on the floor of Lance and Jean-Michel's room, playing quietly with the girls. He had been walking down the hall to breakfast when Chris had grabbed him. He was happy to take the girls for a bit.

No one was very talkative this morning, choosing to eat breakfast in silence. Justin and Casey hadn't made an appearance yet. Daniel had told them that Chris and Danielle probably weren't joining them this morning.

Darren had been glaring at Daniel over his coffee, hoping no one would notice the bruise under Daniel's eye. So far no one had seemed to notice.

Joey picked at his eggs, looking over at JC every few moments. JC was holding his coffee mug staring into space. Since waking up this morning the two of them had spoken about two words to each other.

Jean-Michel watched the both of them with concern. Every so often he would look over at Daniel as well, hoping the bruise under his eyes was not what he thought it was. Lance noticed this, but was too tired to try to figure out why the room was filled with such tension.

Ameena tapped Lance's shoulder trying to get his attention. Lance smiled sleepily at her, glad that she had finally stopped isolating herself from all of them. She had been on tour with them the whole time but she had been reluctant to join them. Finally Jean-Michel had convinced her that she was always welcome.

"Morning Ameena."

"Morning Lance. I have a few questions for you."

Lance groaned inwardly. Ameena was always too awake in the morning, not matter how late she was up the night before. She said once you had a baby sleep takes on a whole new meaning. Lance just didn't believe her.

"Let me grab some more coffee. Then we can talk." Lance got up and walked over to the coffee pot.

Justin and Casey came in laughing. They were both in their pajamas and Justin was giving her a piggyback ride.

"Good morning everyone!" Justin said happily. Everyone exchanged glances except for Darren and Daniel. Justin was never this awake in the morning unless....

"Did you get laid last night Justin?" JC asked him. Both Casey and Justin burst out laughing.

"Actually no. Casey and I broke up last night." Gasps were heard across the room from everyone but Darren who just watched coolly.

"Oh guys. I'm so sorry." Lance said to them, genuinely upset for the two of them.

"Why Lance? We aren't." Casey said, still smiling. Lance was dumbfounded. He had no answer.

"Guys...and gal. Sorry Ameena." Justin flashed a smile at her in apology. "Casey and I discussed this. It's been fun but we're both going to move on now. Besides we're great friends and that's more important."

Joey and JC looked at each other staring intently at the other person. Was their relationship worth losing their friendship?

"Can we leave Josh?" Joey asked him softly. JC nodded and stood up. He took Joey's hand and they walked out of the room together.

"Well at least someone is getting some this beautiful morning." Justin grinned as he crunched on a piece of bacon.

"Shut up Justin." Jean-Michel said angrily shocking everyone in the room. "You do not have a fucking clue what is going on."

JC sat on the bed and looked up at Joey. "Do you want to try and talk Josh?" Joey asked, running his hand over his short hair, feeling the bald spot under his hand.

JC shrugged. "Are you going to lie to me again Joey?" Joey held his tongue, knowing that JC was right.

"I'll try not to lie Josh."

"You'll try not to lie. Great. That makes me feel so great about our impending conversation."

"Oh shove it Josh. I'm so sick of your attitude. No matter what I say you just shoot off a wise-ass comment and that's the end of it."

JC was quiet. He dropped his eyes to his hands. He knew better then to fight back. "Sorry." Joey sat down on the bed. "I thought we had gotten past this a long time ago. We've worked on this before."

"It's not like I plan on doing it Joey. It just happens."

"That's bullshit Josh. You can control it. You're not doing it to anyone else but me, which means I must be the problem. Tell me what I did so I can at least defend myself."

JC lay down, curling up into a ball. He didn't want to talk about anything. Joey got up and began to pace.

"I can understand why people break up with you Josh. You're so fucking frustrating when you get like this."

JC closed his eyes tightly, waiting for the axe to fall. This was where whomever he was dating dropped him. He had played this scene in the movie of his life more times then he wanted to count. It never changed. He was ready for Joey to do it too.

"Well your little technique isn't going to work with me. I love you too much. I'm not giving up on you."

JC shot up from the bed and looked at him. "You're not breaking up with me?" Joey's mind registered the shock in JC's voice. Why?

"Do you want me to?" Joey almost feared JC's answer.

"No. It's just no one has wanted to try. Thank you." JC stood up, wrapping his arms around Joey tightly. Joey hugged him back.

"I love you Joseph Anthony Fatone Jr." Joey sighed. "I love you Joshua Scott Chasez."

Neither moved, holding the other person tightly.

"We still need to talk Blondie." Joey said breaking the silence. JC pulled away.

"I don't think that nickname applies anymore Scruffy." He had let the blond go, returning to his natural hair color.

Joey grinned. "You'll always be Blondie to me, but you're changing the subject Josh."

JC sighed, averting his eyes again. "I'm not ready to talk Joey. Please." He whispered softly hoping Joey wouldn't get mad again.

"Of course you don't want to talk. You never do anymore."

"I'm sorry Joey."

Joey threw his hands up. "And there you go apologizing again. You act like I'm going to beat you or something. You're as bad as Daniel."

JC flinched at Joey's words. Joey's eyes opened widely. What was that?

"Josh, why did you flinch just then?"

JC shook his head. "I didn't flinch."

"Yes you did. What was it that made you flinch? Was it me mentioning Daniel or me drawing a comparison between the two of you?"

"Stop it Joey." JC's hands drew up into fists, his body tensing for the battle.

Joey reached over and grabbed JC's shoulder, pulling towards him. JC jumped backwards at his touch, scrambling back on the bed.

Joey looked at him in surprise. "I'm not going to hurt you Josh. Did someone hurt you?"

JC shook his head frantically. "NO."

Joey climbed onto the bed and JC scrambled backwards again. Joey held his hands up.

"Just stay still Josh. Let me touch you."

JC shook his head, letting his body relax to take the blows easier. If he was tense it hurt more. JC had figured that out a long time ago.

Joey watched as a change came over Josh's body as he moved closer to him. He seemed to just give up.

"Josh if someone hurt you in the past please tell me. I'm not going to hurt you."

JC bit his lip, nodding his head slowly.

"Who was it?" His voice shook with fear. JC shook his head, not moving, his body tensing like a coil again.

"Please Josh. Tell me." Joey gently stroked JC's cheek, trying to get him to open up.

"Greg." JC whispered. Joey couldn't hear him and he leaned in closer. "Who?"

"Greg. It was Greg."

It all fell into place. Greg had been with Josh for about six months while they were recording No Strings Attached. They had been inseparable and Josh had been constantly trying to please him. After they had broken up Josh had become very cynical and distant. They had just attributed Josh's withdrawal to the fact that Lance started dating Jean-Michel and Britney and Justin had gotten closer. His string of bad relationships started soon afterwards.

Whenever they fought, Josh always became very humble and apologized a lot. He could never meet Joey's eyes when they were arguing.

Joey wrapped his arms around JC who still hadn't moved. He was stiff in Joey's arms. Joey didn't let him go, letting JC know that he was there.

"I'm so sorry I never noticed. I'm so sorry." Joey murmured to him as he held him.

JC was numb. He didn't know how it happened but suddenly Joey knew his secret. He just wanted to run away. Joey was not going to want to love him now.

"Let go of me." JC said forcefully. He wanted to scream he felt so trapped.

Joey let go of JC, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening. JC looked at him in disbelief.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because I love you and I can't stand the idea of you being hurt. I wish I had known."

"Stop it! Just stop it! It was my fault!" JC stood up, running his hand through his hair.

"I made him do it! Don't you understand. I drove him to hit me. He had no choice."

Joey was dumbfounded. He couldn't believe how confused JC was about this. He had never seen a patient so convinced it was their fault so many years later. And it was someone he loved.

Joey opened his mouth but JC cut him off. "Don't say anything! I don't want you to fucking analyze me. Forget your degree. Forget your training! Just don't."

"I am not a patient or a case study! I am your boyfriend!"

JC sat down in a chair. "I don't want you to tell me not to feel this way." JC closed his eyes, fighting his emotions.

"You have no idea how I feel." He whispered, his body drained of all energy.

Joey got up and walked over to the man he loved. JC looked like death warmed over. His face had lost all color and his eyes were listless. He didn't even acknowledge Joey's approach this time.

Joey knelt down and took JC's hand in his own. He pressed it against his cheek. JC looked down at Joey. He barely recognized him sitting there.

JC's mind was a blur. His eyes lost focus and he let himself go.

There had been a time when he was happy. Nothing had hurt him and his life was what he wanted. 'Nsync was at a point in their lives where they had never been closer. They were fighting for their careers, for their music, and for their freedom.

He wished he could go back and make those choices again. The choice to invite Greg home that one night. The choice to not fight back the first time he called him stupid. And the choice to cover up the bruises.

JC couldn't go back. All that was left was moving forward. He squeezed the hand in his own, feeling the flesh and bone. Joey's hand. Joey was with him. Joey wasn't leaving him.

The guilt flashed up again and he tried to pull away from Joey. Tightly Joey held him, not letting the inner struggle in JC pull him away.

JC battled Joey's tight grip as he tried to get away from the feelings of guilt and shame that rose up inside him. It had been so easy to bury these feelings before Joey knew.

Now they had to face the truth. They had to face JC's past.

---Email me and let me know what you think.

Survey results:

The winner by far was Jean-Michel

followed by Chris and then Joey and JC.