Warning: This story is about a young gay man and his struggle to find his niche in his world. If you are not interested in reading about such a topic, then please do not read any further. Please do
Chasing Tyler Part II: A Realization --Evan Dane
A glass full of dark, fizzy cola was slid onto Tyler's tray.
"Here's the soda I promised I'd buy. I know it's not much of a payback, but it's a start, right?" The young man gave Tyler an expressive grin.
Stunned and a little at a loss, Tyler regrouped admirably. He managed to lean back and give the guy an appraising look before replying, "Well, considering that pop's free in the cafeteria, I'd say it's just a small start."
"Free? Free?! Do you think money grows on trees? My hard earned money went to paying for the meal plan here, so it's hardly free!" He clapped his hands over his mouth as his eyes widened. With exaggerated horror, he gasped, "Stop me! I'm channeling my father!"
Tyler tried unsuccessfully to hide a smile. "Sit down, please. Um, I told you that you didn't have to apologize any more for the plate incident. It's forgotten."
Sitting down, the young man smiled again sheepishly. "I know what you said, but I still feel pretty bad. It wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. I don't think I'll feel better unless you let me do something for you. I swear that I don't usually try to bean RA's."
"Well, first, um, I'm not the RA. Second, I'd feel bad if I let you do anything. The bruise is healing, and I can remember back in the day when I might have been one to toss a pilfered plate down a hallway. And...why are you smiling at me like that?!" Tyler was slightly disconcerted by the boy's ever-widening grin. How could it get any bigger?
"Well, Josh already told me that you weren't the RA. I was sort of testing you to see if you'd take advantage of my offer to make things up to you, but you were pretty forthright about it. Plus you can't be that much older than me. You're just right."
Wondering exactly what he was "just right" for, Tyler's mind was whirling quickly although you might not have known from the grin plastered on his face. Here he was actually talking with the sexy sophomore from the other day. While he wasn't a social eunuch, he was not exactly known for being the most stimulating of conversationalists. But he was actually joking around with this awesome guy. Was it possible that the dude was actually flirting? No, it couldn't be; this guy had a girlfriend. While the subject was a little abstract for him, he had to admit that the woman he'd seen the sophomore with the other day had been fairly attractive.
"So, ah..." Tyler stopped suddenly and blushed. He didn't even know this guy's name!
"Philip. Philip Torrence," he supplied helpfully. "And you are Tyler Adams. Biology major, hailing from Washington state. Younger brother, Dave. Two cats."
"Um, yes, no, yes, yes, sort of," Tyler's forehead creased as he struggled to recall each of those startling observations. "Yes, I'm Tyler Adams. No, I used to be a biology major, but now I'm a chemistry major. Yes, I'm from Washington and have a brother named David. No, I don't have two cats, but I do have two dogs. Is everyone psychic around here? Where'd all that come from?"
"Well, in addition to revealing that you were not the RA, Josh said he knows you."
"Josh? I don't think I know any Joshes. Wait, Joshua Larson? The sociology major on my floor? Yeah, I was his tutor for biology. Hey, was he the guy you were throwing that plate to?! I thought that might be his room, but I couldn't remember."
"Yeah," Philip admitted, gritting his teeth guiltily. "But you said you're not mad about that any more, right? Look don't tell him I told you. He's a little intimidated by you."
"Intimidated how? I'm not exactly Mr. Universe. Heck, I wouldn't even be in contention for Mr. Dormitory Closet."
"Oh, I don't know about that. You've got a pretty nice body on you. Besides, Josh was referring to your scholarships and awards and stuff. He's more, um, in awe than in fear."
Tyler started at the compliment and suddenly realized where he was. The noise and hubbub of the world came crashing through his senses. He was practically drooling over a GUY in the middle of a crowded cafeteria. He stood suddenly, tray in hands.
Uncertain and scared, he uttered the first words that came to mind, "I have to leave. Now. Um, I have a test."
Only barely noticing the shock in Philip's eyes, Tyler didn't even hear what Philip said to his quickly retreating back. *******
He awoke more than a little disoriented. Lifting heavily gummed eye lids with an effort, Tyler tried to discern where he was. The room was dark, but there was just enough light peeking through half-closed blinds for him to realize he was in his own room, in his own bed.
His right arm dangled over the side of the bed and as he brought it up to massage his temples, it knocked something over that fell to the ground with an audible clink. A bottle. Tyler sighed bitterly. His dry and foul-tasting mouth and pounding headache confirmed what he was slowly realizing: he had a hangover.
He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed knocking over yet another bottle. "Oh God," he thought, too tired for disgust.
He put his head in his hands and tried to remember what had driven him to drink this time. At parties, Tyler was a strict one-beer-a-night guy, but sometime recently, he had taken to drinking himself almost unconscious to drown out his worries. It didn't actually take an excessive amount of alcohol because depression seemed to weaken his system and a few shots could easily wipe him out. The worst part, possibly, was that he did his drinking alone.
He only just had time to realize that he was naked before the bathroom door swung open.
"You're awake," said Ron flatly.
"Please go away," Tyler moaned, ashamed, as he pulled the blanket over his midsection.
"What was it this time? A bad grade?" Ron muttered unsympathetically as he came over to sit beside his suitemate.
"Could you please just go away! It's none of your business."
"None of my business? None of my business?!" Ron growled. "Look at me, you jerk."
Unwillingly, Tyler raised his eyes to look at his friend. Ron's eyes were bloodshot and his clothes rumpled from a sleepless night.
"It becomes my business when I find my suitemate passed out on the floor in our bathroom covered in vomit. It becomes my business when I have to drag that suitemate into his bed and leave him on his side. It really becomes my business when I stay up all night checking your breathing and pulse several times an hour. At one time, you were almost at the point where I would have had to call the hospital for an ambulance. I wasn't about to let you die just to protect you from your parents' wrath."
Tyler shrunk miserably under Ron's words. "I think I remember you cleaning me up, too," he offered shyly. "Thanks."
"Well, um, yeah. Damn right."
"Was he actually blushing?" Tyler wondered.
"If I was going to have to check up on you all night, I was damned if I was going to have to smell you all night." His voice softened and he asked, "So, are you going to tell me why you were drinking again?"
"Again?" Tyler was startled. "You mean you knew about the other times?"
"Duh! I am your suitemate and a heck of a nosy RA to boot," Ron smiled. Then the frown disappeared as he said quietly, "And above all that, I thought I was a friend."
"You are! One of my best friends," Tyler cried. "It's not that I didn't want to come to you, it's just that I'm not in the habit of bringing stuff like this to anyone. I've always been sort of self-driven, but I've never discussed, um, these particular feelings with anyone before, so I tried to do it on my own."
"Is it a guy?" Ron asked hesitantly.
"Well, yes and no."
"Remember that guy from yesterday? The one sitting next to the girl you thought I was ogling at lunch?"
"Vaguely. I think he had really nice hair."
"Well, his name's Philip Torrence. I think he's straight, but I was practically eating him with my eyes when we bumped into each other at lunch the other day. Staring at a guy, let alone this guy, is just something I've never done before. I practically ran away thinking, 'You almost revealed that you're gay to a total stranger. Even if he isn't disgusted, what if he tells someone else who tells someone else, etcetera, etcetera.'" Tyler sighed.
"I can understand that. Before I told anyone, I was nervous all the time. Practically paranoid. After I admitted it to myself, I was constantly looking at how other people treated me to see if they could see the difference in me. It doesn't get easier if you're out just to certain people like me. My cousin Gabe came out in a fairly public way to a lot of people, and his method had its benefits and drawbacks." He shrugged.
"We've known each other for almost a year now. Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"Well, I only came out to myself about two years ago. I told my parents and Alec, my brother, before I came back to school this past year. Since then I've come out to some of my friends from high school and went to some Queer Circle social events. The QC socials were either attended by established couples or by sharks on the make, by the way, if you ever decide to attend.
"But back to you. Well, when you agreed to be my suitemate last year when I got the RA post, I wasn't yet out to anyone. When school started, I just got wrapped up in keeping afloat academically while managing my more ridiculous RA duties and you were adjusting to your switch in majors. I guess I also wasn't involved with anyone, so it didn't seem necessary that I prepare you for any shock if you happened to come into the bathroom to find a strange guy there."
"So then your new boyfriend brought this revelation on?"
"Hm, boyfriend? What? Oh, no. You asked me, remember? If you had ever before then asked me point blank, I would have told you. I've never lied about my sexuality. I just haven't volunteered the information and no one's asked. I just thought that you could handle it as a friend and decent human being, and I wanted to know if you were, too."
"That's cool. So, when do I get to meet the boyfriend?"
"Ahem. Well, I kind of misspoke there." Ron had the grace to blush. "I don't really have a boyfriend; the words just sort of popped out. I have my eye on a couple of guys, but no one special yet."
"Well, best of luck, bud. I hope I can find someone. Philip's cute but straight."
"How do you know that, by the way? Did he tell you?"
"Well, I kind of assumed from the way that girl was all over him the other day."
"So, he didn't. You just assumed. Did you know I was gay or did you just assume I was straight before you asked?"
"Hm, point taken, but..." Tyler replayed his conversation with Philip in his mind. Even those somewhat odd remarks about his age and body were perfectly innocuous if you took them at face value. And there was that VERY affectionate woman. "Well, I guess I'm not 100% positive, but with my luck..." Tyler stuck out his tongue.
"Well, Ty, just give it a thought, okay. The sun's coming up, so I need to shower and get to class. You don't mind if I shower first do you?"
"No, go right ahead." Tyler motioned dramatically, his humor returning as the pounding headache receded. "And Ron...thanks. For everything, you've been a good--great, really--friend these past couple of days."
Ron snorted. "Just these past couple of days? I'm hurt." He closed the bathroom door behind him with a laugh. *******
"Tyler?" A voice inquired shyly.
"Yes?" Tyler turned his head around trying to locate the questioner. His eyes fells upon a guy of about 5'11", with brown hair and deep blue--almost turquoise--eyes. "Hey, Joshua! I ran into your friend Philip the other day. How's Sociology going?"
"Much better now that I have all my science general education courses out of the way. Thanks for being such a great tutor. I really hate science."
"Hey, let's sit. There's a table over there." Tyler gestured off to the right. The third floor of the library was usually pretty empty, especially since the elevator broke down last week. Tyler himself didn't frequent the place, but for some reason, chemistry and biochemistry journals were housed on the third floor instead of on the second floor with the rest of the science books. "Do you have time to gab a little? What are you doing up here anyway?"
"Yeah, I have some time. I like to study up here. It's quiet; unlike certain dorm floors I could mention. Plus this is the social science floor. I could ask you what you're doing up here; I think you hated psychology and stuff almost as much as I loathed science."
"I guess I would agree that our floor is not the most conducive to studying. Too many freshmen. As to why I'm up here, the library staff in their infinite wisdom placed chemistry materials up here rather than with the other science stuff. Go figure. So what've you been up to? I didn't see you this past semester."
"Well, my schedule pretty much sucks. Sociology profs are a lazy bunch so they schedule classes only once or twice a week so that they only have to come in once or twice a week. The problem is that then students have to sit through two to four hours of straight lectures."
"Ouch! Is that legal?" Tyler grimaced in sympathetic pain.
"Apparently. The registrar's office lets them do it. The rest of the time I'm working with Professor Matthis in my department on a research project. So how's biology?"
"Ah, like I told Philip, I dropped out of biology to pursue chemistry. The degree requirements were a joke. If I don't make it into medical school, I want some serviceable skills so that I can at least get into a good graduate school."
"You, not make medical school?" Joshua snorted. "Don't make me laugh."
"Hey, only a third of applicants make it. Nothing's guaranteed."
"Yeah, but you're Tyler Adams, president of Sophomore Honors, the Sophomore Biology Student of the Year, and Goldwater Scholar. You've got it made."
Tyler blushed and waved away the compliments. "Thanks, but you never know. I still need to get my MCATs back. So what's up with this Philip?" Tyler asked curiously.
"Philip? Oh, Phil's a good guy. We hang out with some of the same people. He's a finance major."
Tyler was puzzled by Joshua's hesitancy--a painstakingly careful watching of his words--in describing Philip. He decided to try to elicit more information. "I saw his girlfriend. She's very pretty."
"Hm, maybe you better describe this woman. I'm not sure I know who you're talking about."
Tyler danced a jig internally. Maybe there was some hope. "Pretty, platinum blonde, thin, maybe 5'7". I didn't notice her eye color. She was touching Philip a lot. Messing with his hair."
"I really couldn't say. I'll definitely ask him, though. I can't imagine how he'd be hiding a woman from me. Especially a pretty one. Today's the sixth, right? I thought I had a lot of time, but I just remembered I have a study group soon. It was nice seeing you, Tyler. Take care."
"Yeah, bye, Josh."
"Joshua is fine. It's weird but only Phil calls me Josh. Later."
Tyler sat for a moment to process his encounter. Joshua had seemed to react to the description of the woman even though he denied knowing who she was. Maybe Philip was stealing Joshua's ex...and maybe we all lived in a fantasy-land daytime soap opera; "Get real, Tyler," he told himself.
But the conversation did seem to kill hopes that Philip could be gay. Joshua hadn't thought it at all odd that Philip would be flirting with a lovely woman at all. He was angry rather than confused. Oh, well. Fish in the sea and all that. Hopefully the others were as cute as Philip, though.
There was almost enough useful information in that conversation to forgive Joshua the plate incident.
********************* Okay, so Tyler and his Sophomore have met and exchanged names, but Tyler's just way too cautious to just come out and ask...or is he? Will Tyler continue to drown his sorrows? Does Joshua just have a really good memory, or is he the one chasing Tyler? Is anyone chasing Tyler, or is he as alone in the universe as he sometimes likes to think?
Thanks again for reading. Let me know what you think of the story so far; e-mail me at kencyr@hotmail.com or leave a note on my message board. http://members.tripod.com/~poolstick/ --Evan