This is a Lost fan-fiction story. The rights to these characters belong to and are copyright protected by J.J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof and I am using them without permission. Please send feedback to kgberrywriting@hotmail.co.uk , it would be very much appreciated!
This story is set at the beginning of series 2 of Lost, before the tail end survivors arrive, but after the raft has gone.
Now, please sit back and enjoy...
Charlie's Secret Heartache pt3
"What you got there?" Jack's voice carried from behind Charlie, who looked around. It had been a week since their shower encounter, if he counted the days right.
"Ahh, so you're talking to me now, are you?" Charlie replied. He had been trying to catch Jack's attention all week, at first to see where the hell they were at after what they did, but after a few days, he realised that Jack wanted nothing to do with him; he felt used, like he was just an outlet for Jack's sexual urge that one time, but he also felt the sad familiar longing for Jack - the painful shame he had become familiar with after the initial masturbation in the jungle.
He put down the statue of the Virgin Mary by his side, hoping he wouldn't mention it. "I'm surprised you could find me. Not many people know about this spot of beach."
"Sayid told me about it," he replied. "He comes here with Shannon sometimes."
"Oh. So what are you here for?" He wasn't going to help Jack out here. It was his fault he had gone another week of inner turmoil about his sexuality, and it was definitely his fault he had to go through it without any kind of support or recognition.
"Well, I guess I..." Jack stopped. He had half-expected Charlie to start shouting at him. He would have done by now, especially with the mess he knew his own emotions were in. When he spoke, his voice was earnest and sincere. "I guess..." he sighed, shook his head and braced himself. He was overcome by emotion. At a loss as to what to say, Jack opened his heart, something he was always careful never to do: "I can't do this Charlie. I'm too afraid."
Charlie was gob smacked. Memories tumbled into his mind of the dreams he had before the experience in the shower. In the dream, Jack had said he couldn't be with Charlie because Charlie was too afraid. But now it was Jack who was afraid. The words of the dream, the way he had spoken them, let Charlie know Jack was going through exactly what he had gone through: the pain of harbouring secret emotions for another man; the shadow in the back of the mind hissing words of shame and guilt into the conscience. Now Jack had been so honest with him, he had the choice to help Jack, or to use the fear to destroy him. The sound of waves against the beach filled the silence Charlie left as he stared into the sand, thinking hard about whether he would get revenge against Jack for leaving him on his own, to ache and bleed, or give him the support he had craved before, like a friend or a lover would.
But he knew he couldn't use this against Jack. Not after feeling so distraught himself, after being desperate to talk and having no-one to vent his emotions with. After all, he needed Jack. He needed Jack as badly as he knew Jack needed him.
"I know. I know you're afraid. I was afraid too, before we-" Even he couldn't say it. He felt his face grow hot in the knowledge of what they had done. He had a lot of confused emotions he needed to get out; they had been bunged up too long and they were all fighting to escape. "I had feelings for you before then, and they scared me just like you're scared now. But right after what we did, I knew you were all I wanted because the fear left me then, I felt peaceful. Then you stopped talking to me, you wouldn't even look at me. It was like I had died, I just wasn't there. And the fear came back - the shame, the guilt of these wrong emotions, it came back to me. I didn't know who I was, where I was with Claire, I couldn't go anywhere without you in my head. But now you're here, and I'm... I'm calm again." He didn't mean to phrase that the way he did: now it looked like he was manipulating Jack with guilt; never the less, he left the statement in the air. He looked at Jack, who was sitting in the sand next to him, staring at the water. Tears were building up in the edges of his eyes, reflecting the waves back so his eyes became the ocean.
"I'm sorry Charlie," his voice began to sound broken up, like he was on the edge of crying. "I- too much is happening around me and I feel like The Island is falling apart. I've seen a man get blown up not two weeks ago! In front of my eyes! Dr. Arzt... Do you know what that's like!? I don't know what's happening with this button, I don't even know what's real, and then you come along and we had - oh God... I'm scared!" His voice was rising, tears streamed down his face and he was beginning to shout, but Charlie put his arm around Jack's shoulders and rubbed his bare bicep with the other hand. Jack took deep breaths, bringing his chest up and down, and began to calm at the comfort of Charlie's cradling.
"Hey, listen. We've all gone through things we didn't want to here. This island's made us all a bit- I don't know, crazy or something," Charlie told him. His arms stayed around Jack's shoulders, and Charlie could see the drops of stress and tension dripping from Jack's face. "I'm here for you if you need me. I want to help you. But if you don't want that... If you can look me in the eye and say you don't need me like that, I'll let you be. I'd understand."
"Do people listen to me, Charlie? Do people... do they even like me?"
"People like you, Jack. They bloody love you. That's why they trust you, and that's why you've got all this responsibility."
Jack turned to face Charlie. The pain and the fear were ebbing away, as he took in the honest features of Charlie's face. Charlie looked right back into his, dropping his arms from Jack's back and allowing him to choose for himself, as he could see he Jack working out in his mind how it was going to be between them.
"I need you, Charlie." He gave a short laugh and smiled, his white teeth brightening all his features and erasing every molecule of sadness from him, and from Charlie. He gently leaned in to kiss him, and Charlie returned the kiss, stroking the back of his head. Jack's hand travelled over the soft material of Charlie's hoodie, and he felt as secure and safe now as he had ever been. Charlie felt Jack's touch erase the last week from his memory, as Jack took away all the problems and heaviness from his heart.
Pulling apart, they each admired the other's face once more. Charlie put his lips to Jack's neck, gently pressing his lips against Jack's skin. "They mustn't know about this," Jack said at last.
Charlie stopped kissing, but left his head in the reassuring cradle of Jack's body, "I know," he replied. He felt a little saddened at the reality, the difficulty of their situation, and pulled out of the shoulder. Sitting up again, he murmured, "Keeping up appearances..."
"Yeah, keeping up appearances," Jack echoed, nodding. He looked out to sea again. He was smiling this time, and he wiped the tears away from his cheeks with his hand. As he laid it back down in the sand, Charlie's hand rested on top. The statue lay forgotten by his side.
"What are you gonna do?" Charlie said, after a few minutes of reflection.
"What am I gonna do about what?"
"Us."
"Us?"
"Us."
"Nothing is going to change, Charlie. I promise. It'll be just like this." Jack sounded slightly disbelieving at Charlie's question.
"I guess this real now then," he went on. "It's not going be like now all the time though, is it?"
"No, but we can make the most of now," Jack replied. He turned and faced Charlie. His look was far different from the last time they had been together: then it was angry and lusty, but now it was filled with adoration for Charlie, who was smiling serenely back at him.
They were sitting facing each other; Jack kissed Charlie's forehead and pulled his head to his chest, sideways; Charlie's arms embraced Jack's torso; Jack's hands stroked and patted Charlie's head and shoulders, his arms and back. Warmth coursed through Charlie's body, safe and secure like this is how he wanted to stay forever, without going back to the rest of the Island with its monsters, its dangerous, mysterious creatures and fickle inhabitants. He wanted Jack's love, the sincere, peaceful love he felt now.
Then Charlie remembered the dream. Now he was empty of fear, he could say the words. He could say the words he had been longing to say for such a long time, and he knew Jack would not abandon him: "I love you, Jack."
Charlie felt the sharper inhalation of breath, then the slowing of the rising and falling of Jack's chest. The cradling became slower and he could tell Jack was taking in the contours and features of Charlie's body, which told him that Jack also, perhaps subconsciously, had longed to say what he said next: "I love you too, Charlie."
Charlie also let out a longer, sharper breath. He pulled himself up and let a long kiss fall on Jack's lips. His tongue gently slipped inside the warm, wet chamber of Jack's mouth; this time it was not a fight, there was no hostility, no struggle. It reached, searched and explored realms that were new and Jack's tongue did so in return. When they pulled away, his eyes met Jack's, and each spoke a burning desire for the other.
Jack's legs were straight out in front of him, and Charlie shifted his knee so each leg lay on either side of Jack's body. Jack smiled and brought an arm around Charlie's middle as they moved in for another kiss. Jack brought his hand up the back of Charlie's hoodie, down the base of his back. The flesh below was soft and smooth. He could feel Charlie's erection sticking into his belly, and his hips gently pushing it against his abs. Through his smile, he said, "Not so fast Charlie, take it slow." His lips kiss and nuzzled the side of Charlie's neck, the rough chin and upper lip scratching and tickling.
Charlie's hips slowed, and he removed his hoodie and T-Shirt. Jack followed suit, then lay down on the sand, bringing the erection in his trousers up against Charlie's black flared jeans. Charlie pressed a hand against his chest, felt the muscle, and ran it down to Jack's stomach and back again. The feeling of the hair in his fingers was incredible, and from the expression on Jack's face, his closed eyes and heavy breathing, it was clearly incredible for Jack too. His hand continued up and went across his shoulder and down his tattooed arm, where he gently squeezed the strong muscles.
He shuffled backwards, and brought his hand back to Jack's navel, where it circled gently. His forefinger traveled the hairline down towards the black waistband of Jack's boxers, and went back with the flow of the hair. "Oh Charlie," Jack murmured. He was glad to hear these words, precious and reassuring.
Gently, Charlie's hands began to unbutton the top of Jack's blue jeans. Doing so revealed a dark grey pair of boxers beneath the black elastic. The fabric was soft and contrasted Jack's course body hair.
The zip rumbled down slowly, and the flaps of the denim were peeled back by eager but patient hands, showing Jack's stiff member leaning to one side, a patch of wet around the head.
Charlie leaned his face into Jack's stomach, his nose nuzzling through the hair to the skin beneath, kissing and licking the muscles and taking in a faint, manly scent. He let out a small groan as he did, letting Jack know he appreciated his body.
"You're so beautiful," Charlie mumbled. A sigh breezed from his mouth, drifting over the skin.
Then Charlie moved towards Jack's crotch, and licked the taste of his abdomen from his lips as he did. He kissed the shaft through the material of his shorts, rubbed his lips and nose against the hard flesh, taking in the vast girth and length as he went. As he kissed the sensational head, Jack sat up.
The two made eye contact, and then kissed deeply, pushing their heads together with their hands. Their chests rubbed together, Jack's strong, hairy one against Charlie's smoother, young one. Jack removed his shoes and socks, without haste, and Charlie followed his example. He stood, pushed his jeans down and stepped out of them, then offered a hand to Charlie, who sitting in the sand, admiring Jack's fantastic gear through his boxers.
Charlie felt Jack's near-naked body enclose about him as Jack wrapped his arms around, hugging his back. Slowly, he breathed out by Jack's ear as his buttocks were gently caressed and squeezed by Jack's large and careful surgeon's hands. Without stepping back, a hand reached around the front of his body and undid his trousers, which he aided to the ground, crouching. Charlie watched Jack take in his fine six-inch penis at eye-level through the black briefs, his balls pressing out a smooth bulge below. Charlie pushed his hips forwards so that his dick rubbed up against the side of Jacks nose and he let out another low moan.
"Jack, I want you so much..." he said, softly. It was not a demand, but a confession of the deepest kind.
Jack stood up. His furred body, from his head to his thighs and feet, rubbed against Charlie's, and he felt a penis gently grinding into him. Head bent down, Jack whispered into Charlie's ear as he continued caressing Charlie's butt cheeks through his briefs, "Mmm, you have the softest ass..."
A hand slipped below the material, and Jack's body moved in closer. His bare hand drifted across the flesh, admiring every contour, always moving, always covering new ground and filling Charlie with new sensations. His hand withdrew, covering the sweet skin once more. He moved around to behind, and placed his dick between the cheeks through the fabric. Gently, ever so quietly, his hands reached up to Charlie's chest and he pushed his manliness against Charlie's body, shielded by nothing but two pieces of fabric. He gently squeezed and pulled Charlie's nipples.
"You want it?" Jack asked, quietly.
Charlie closed his eyes and breathed. He knew what this meant. "Yes," he replied eloquently.
Jack kneeled once more, and peeled away the black briefs from Charlie's body; he felt the breeze against his body, the heat in his ball sac, the coolness of the precum, stiffness filling out his shaft; Jack's hands at his waist, a tender kiss on the base of his spine, at the top of the valley, and the briefest flicker of a tongue against his skin.
Jack stood.
Two strong hands pressed down on Charlie's shoulders, and he kneeled to the floor. Jack too went back down. Then he directed Charlie's shoulders down once more, and he obediently took the all-fours position.
"I'm ready," Charlie said confidently. He knew what was coming.
Jack's wide penis, still in its underwear, slid into the gap, and rubbed Charlie in anticipation. Jack spit on his fingers, and then ran one up to Charlie's rosebud and inside.
"Holy-" Charlie breathed. Never before had anything been up that way before. The finger inside him felt welcome, and somehow right. The sensations of it moving in and out made Charlie start rocking gently back and forth.
Another finger found its way in, and a third. Charlie was beginning to experience pain, but he didn't complain. It felt right for him, and he simply, gratefully grunted, until he said to Jack:
"I'm ready. Give it to me Jack, take me..."
"You sure?"
"I'm sure... more sure than anything." His anus felt like a gaping, wet hole, but he knew it was Jack's love for him that put it there. He could feel the blood in his face making it hot, and knew he must be red. The sensations in his groin were already incredible.
Jack stood, removing his boxers. His dick flopped out, glistening in the sun, and sprang straight upwards. He was extremely hard, his penis was big, and he knew that Charlie would be in for a rough ride. He licked his hands, rubbed his dick, and applied some more saliva to Charlie's hole before moving in.
"I love you, Charlie."
"I love you, Jack."
The first jolt of pain hit his ass as Jack's head pierced the sphincter. He let out a short cry of pain, "Bloody hell!" The cock was large and hot in his passage.
But Jack didn't stop - he couldn't stop - and the fucking went on as Charlie felt his head push its way up his anal passage. He did not feel violated, or unclean, or guilty; he just enjoyed the pleasure and did his best to ignore the pain. Jack pulled back, and pushed in again, further now, and the pain was less this time. Again and again Charlie groaned in pain; but then at last he began to enjoy himself, as he felt Jack's head make contact, at last, with his G-spot, and he emitted an involuntary groan of pleasure.
Then head retreated on its cleared pathway, leaving the void behind as he waited for the moment it would return to its home. Now he could feel Jack's hand on his shoulders, gripping his muscle. Jack pushed again, and Charlie felt still more of the shaft enter; finally, a thrust and the full body of the stone-hard penis was filling his entirety, so he was amazed when he found himself emitting still louder cries of pleasure and pain. He could feel his own penis throbbing with the sensations Jack was giving him, it felt bigger than it had ever been, and he was desperate for it to be pleasured itself.
Now Jack began a rhythm inside Charlie, which he pushed and pulled against with his hips by instinct. Jack's pounding, pumping rhythm made Charlie groan and rumble with excitement. Jack's relentless cock pushed and pulled and pushed and pulled; his hips smacked his ass; his balls rubbed the sensitive skin below Charlie's hole; Jack's curious hand tingled against the skin of his thigh as it stroked. His moans became louder and more frequent as Jack's fucking became faster and more relentless.
"Oh God," Jack began to cry. Charlie couldn't see his face, but if he could, he surely would have came at the sight of the pleasure on it then. "I'm gonna come Charlie, I can't... argh argh!" Jack screamed; then Charlie felt another new feeling: the bucketloads of spunk that a man leaves in his lover, firing into his anus. This feeling was too much for him, and triggered his own come to start shooting into the sand to the grunting and roaring melodies of Jack and Charlie weaving through each other in the air.
As Charlie's last cries died away, he could still feel Jack's dick inside him, shrinking, before he pulled out at last. Both were breathing heavily as Charlie rolled onto his back, lying naked on the sand, one hand behind his hair, the other on his stomach. Jack laid down beside him, lying on his side, looking at Charlie's body, his brown pubic hair and gently furred stomach, his round ears and soft beard.
"Wow," Jack remarked.
"Wow? I was that good was I?" Charlie turned to face Jack.
"You were pretty intense."
He couldn't help a grin. "So were you," he pointed out.
Jack ran a hand over Charlie's tattooed shoulder, which he hadn't noticed before. He felt calm. He was glad Charlie hadn't asked him the question yet. He kissed Charlie on the lips, then stood, walked over to his boxer shorts and pulled them on, followed by his jeans.
He watched Charlie clean off in the ocean and come back. Sure enough, the question came as he was admiring the soft, 4 inch cock disappear into black briefs, which sit down beside him.
"What you thinking about?" Charlie asked, sitting beside him.
"You," he replied. "Us."
"It's not going to be easy is it?" Charlie asked, tentatively.
"No." The question had not come yet, and maybe it wouldn't. It was time to leave, and maybe Charlie wouldn't ask. He stood up, picked up his top and headed back to the jungle.
"Jack, before you go..." Charlie looked awkward. Jack felt awkward as a consequence. "That was my first... you know... man love," he confessed.
Oh no. It was coming. "Yeah?"
"I mean... I suppose it doesn't matter... but... have you been with other men before?"
The question.
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