Please do not read if you are offended by gay themes. The usual disclaimer applies.
CHAPTER FIVE
"I'm gonna miss you so much, baby," Howie said softly to Maria, cradling her in his arms as he tenderly kissed her shoulders. "I know, mijito," she said, running her hand down his beautifully shaped chest, "we'll miss you too." He beamed at her when she said this, slipping a hand over her soft stomach, which was just beginning to swell slightly. "Now fuck me good bye," Maria whispered in Howie's ear. "I love you so much," Howie sighed, sliding his hard dick back into her wet cunt, soaked with his cum and her own juices. He was tired after their previous fuck and he slowly thrust in and out of his beautiful bride, who sighed and traced her own nipple with a long fingernail, her cunt gripping at his dick lovingly as her hips began to rotate at a counter-rhythmn to his thrusts. "Ohhh, baby," Maria moaned, "I never want to let you go." Howie sighed, wanting to make this fuck last all night long. He supported himself on his elbows and continued his slow pace, while Maria shifted beneath him and raised her legs, locking them around his back and pulling him close to her. Her breasts pressed softly against his upper body, and Howie caressed her side and kissed her deeply. As she gripped and milked his dick, Howie began to feel his orgasm building and he sighed deeply, picking up the pace slightly as the noise of his dick going in and out of her wet lips and his balls slapping against her ass started to come faster and faster. As Howie came, he realised that by the next time he saw his wife, she would be showing for sure, carrying his baby, a gift from God and a symbol of their love... He took Maria in his arms and almost crushed her to him. She was moved to tears herself when she realised that her affectionate husband was crying.
"A.J. cam is on and we have... action!" "Hello, I am an eclair," Felicia was saying in a deep voice, giggling. A.J. had his new camcorder zoomed in on his dick, which was covered in chocolate and lying on a metal plate. A.J. cracked up laughing. "What a bloody enormous pastry this is," he said in a mock British accent, "I don't believe I have ever seen an eclair of such ... magnitude." "A.J., the chocolate is melting." "This is a problem. Felicia, would you like to remedy the situation?" "Can you hold the camera steady enough?" Felicia pouted and licked at A.J.'s cock. "Mmm... I shall give it my best shot," A.J. replied, still doing the British accent. "I still think the whole concept is just brilliant. And now, we would like to show you, a traditional French breakfast... ze shokolat eclair..." Felicia let out her insane laugh and sprayed some whipped cream over the dessert on display.
Brian lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Dinner with Misha had been nice, and he was a nice guy. Nice to talk to, nice to look at. Nice. He sighed. They were leaving in a few days to go to Europe and the one thing that Brian was holding on to was the hope that Mario would not accompany them. Even A.J. couldn't stand the guy, and Nick had been on a coke binge ever since he showed up. A sixth sense told Brian that something was wrong, and he tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep. At the same time, his older cousin had poured out the last of his bottle of Jack Daniels and swirled the amber liquid in its glass, staring at it sadly before throwing it back. He didn't connect the glass to his lips that well, and some of the alcohol dribbled out of the side of his mouth. Kevin was very depressed, and he tossed the glass into the trash container along with the empty bottle before lumbering over to the bed to lie down. It was good to know that Jerald was okay. Kevin had been on the phone with his mother earlier. His older brother had been in the hospital for some tests. It was just acid reflux in the end. And Jerald was quite a bit older than Kevin. But still, it was another reminder to the tall, dark haired man that he was only growing older, alone. "I'm not up for this shit any more," Kevin had said earlier, staring out the window at the city streets below.
Mario was standing next to the bed, balancing his knees against the mattress as he thrust his cock up Nick's ass. The blond had been on his hands and knees on the bed but had gradually slid his upper body down, and was moaning loudly into a pillow as Mario fucked him. "Ah, yeah, Nicky," Mario grunted, covered with sweat and working hard. They were both flying, barely aware of where they were, just operating on sensation and wish fulfilment. "Yeah, yeah, fuck my ass!" Nick screamed out, loud enough for everybody in the building to hear. "Fuck me, fuck me!" Mario found himself lying in bed next to Nick, not sure how he got there, his heart pounding painfully in his chest. Did he come? He wasn't sure. His dick was still hard. Nick was panting and had a hand on his chest. He looked scared. "Ah," he moaned, "ah, I'm dying..." Mario stared at him, feeling his heart leaping in his rib cage. "Nick?" "I'm too high, I'm too high," Nick gasped, "oh, fuck, god, I need to come down now!" Confused, Mario fumbled around in his stuff. "Give it to me," Nick screamed, and he snatched a bag of pills from him. "Nick, what are you doing?" Mario felt like he was behind a glass wall. His blood buzzed in his ears, everything was textured, what the hell, was this some fucked up coke or what? What was it cut with... Nick crammed a couple of the pills into his mouth and tried to swallow without water, choking and gagging, what was he doing? "Nick, stop it!" Mario yelled at him. "I have to stop, I have to stop!" Nick was yelling back, "I can't breathe, Mar... I can't..." They were both disoriented and didn't know what was happening. "Ah," Nick moaned, tears running down his face, "I don't want to die..." His nose was bleeding and he seemed to be drooling or frothing at the mouth. "Come and throw up," Mario said, dragging him to the bathroom, "you'll be fine, you're fine..." But by the time they got there, Nick's eyes were shut and he'd stopped moving. "Oh God," Mario said, stepping back from him. "Nick... holy fuck! Shit! Fuck!" He ran right out of the room to the next door and started banging on it, not even aware of the fact that he had no pants on.
Misha had managed to tune out all the noise from Mario and Nick's room by putting headphones on, but even that was not enough to prevent him hearing somebody banging on the door. "Help, Nick, go, go!" Mario was shouting, not making any sense, and he grabbed Misha's arm and yanked him out of the room. Misha smelled big trouble and ran into the room, where Nick was unconscious on the floor in the bathroom. "Call 911 right now," Misha yelled at Mario, taking Nick's wrist in his hand to see if he had a pulse. Maybe they wern't supposed to just call 911 if they were celebrities. All Misha knew was that this was an emergency and he didn't have time to worry about whether or not he was going to blow somebody's cover.
"Do you want a cup of coffee?" Dani softly touched Brian's arm. He was sitting in the waiting room looking drawn and grey, huddled in a big sweater and baggy jeans. Brian nodded, almost imperceptibly. Clive had already briefed everybody on what was going to happen. If anybody in the hospital or hotel opened their mouth, they were going to get slapped with a lawsuit that could sink an ocean liner. He'd had no choice but to contact Nick's mother, but otherwise, the fewer people who knew about this, the better. They'd resuscitated the singer and he was going to be alright. But if he'd been left there, he would have lost his life. Brian tried to imagine waking up the next morning and finding out that Nick was dead at age 21. The love of his life, gone. "Here you go," Dani said, and Brian cradled the warm cup in his hands. "Thanks," he mumbled. The two of them sat there in silence, and were joined shortly by A.J., Howie and Maria. A.J. had obviously been drinking, but the events of the night had sobered him up considerably, and in a strange burst of common sense, he'd left Felicia at the hotel. Leighanne was nowhere to be found.
"Did you really deck Mario?" A.J. asked Brian, who just stared at his coffee blankly without responding. Dani waved at A.J. to get his attention and shook her head no. He nodded apologetically. "I can't believe this," Howie said sadly. "What a way to start things off." "He needs to get his shit together," A.J. agreed. "Where do you get off," Brian said quietly. "What? You don't see me in a hospital, do you?" A.J. said angrily. "I can take care of myself, unlike the dumb blond." "He's not dumb," Brian snapped, "and don't get all high and mighty with me, okay? I don't need to hear it from you, or from fucking... Kevin..." The three of them sat there quietly. It had come as a great surprise to everybody to discover that Kevin was passed out drunk and was of no assistance whatsoever in this little crisis. Who would have guessed that had been going on? Brian felt a twinge of guilt at not being aware of what was going on with his cousin, but it's not like Kevin hadn't had many chances to talk to him while they'd been touring together. And he never had.
"Guys," Howie said quietly, "we can't let this shit bring down the group." They sat there together, their thoughts wandering separately along that path. "Maybe we should postpone the tour," Brian said. "Maybe we should just all, I don't know, take a vacation together and make peace." Howie shook his head and smirked. "First off, Brian, that would never happen. Second, we can't postpone the tour. Are you joking? Do you have any idea what is involved? We could get sued like you wouldn't believe." "Well, we can't go on tour like this," Brian said, getting to his feet. "Look at us, we're a joke." He paced around the room. "No, Brian," Howie said, getting up as well. "WE are not a joke. Us three are ready to tour, and I think Kevin is okay too. It's just Nick that's the problem." "So what are you saying?" Brian asked defensively. "You think we should kick him out?" "I don't know," Howie said. "We've done things without him before. And he sure as hell can't perform like this." "I can't believe what I'm hearing," Brian shouted. Dani's heart went out to him. He was in such pain. "Brian, I just think-" "No," Brian said loudly, backing up towards the door. "Don't say another goddamned word to me, Howie Dorough. Not unless you want my foot up your ass. Because I will fucking kick the shit out of you if you ever speak to me again." He walked out, slamming the door hard behind him.
Brian stormed out into the cool night air, and found Misha standing outside smoking a cigarette. The tall, slender man's closely cropped hair shone, lit by the fluorescent bulb above him. Misha's hair was an indeterminate pale brownish-blondish-grey colour, not really a colour at all. It seemed light in contrast to his large brown eyes. Brian just stared at him. Lit the way he was, Misha looked like some kind of angel. "You saved his life," Brian said softly, a tear running down his face. Misha sighed and let out a little swirl of smoke. "Brian, I did what anybody would have done." He leaned back against the wall and looked up at the night sky. It was too bright in the city to see any stars, and the murky clouds hung low. "God," Brian said painfully, clasping his hands, "if I'd lost him..." "You didn't, Brian," Misha said softly. "He's okay now." "I just love him so much," Brian sobbed. Misha hugged Brian closely and let him cry on his shoulder.
CHAPTER SIX
Jane Carter sat on the edge of Nick's hospital bed, clutching her oldest child's hand and smoothing the fair hair back from the face that adorned millions of bedroom walls, lockers, and record stores. Nick's face today was puffy, with dark circles under his eyes and dried blood around his nose. "Just say the word, Nicky, and you're off this tour. You can come home and stay with Air and Beej and everybody..." She stroked his hair gently as she spoke. "It's okay," Nick mumbled. "Sweetheart, I don't want you to sacrifice your health and your sanity for the Backstreet Boys," Jane said softly, "it's not worth it. Nicky, you scared me really badly." "I'm sorry, mom." "Now get some rest, and we can talk about this tonight when you're back at the hotel. Okay?" "Mmm hmmm." Nick shut his eyes, and Jane kissed his forehead before leaving the room.
Brian almost walked right into Jane as she stepped out. He nodded at her politely, but she blocked his way. "What are you doing, Brian?" She glared at him angrily. "I'm going to check on Nick. What does it look like?" Brian wished he hadn't responded in such a hostile way, but she just made his blood boil. "I'm taking Nick off the tour," Jane announced. "Oh? Does Nick know about that?" "He'll agree," she said smugly. "I've already dealt with the Mario situation. Now I just have to deal with you all." Brian shook his head. "What is that supposed to mean, Jane?" "You all did this to him," Jane hissed, "I hold all of you responsible, not just that guttersnipe Mario." "Oh come on..." "I've sacrificed my son enough," Jane said tearfully, "I can't live with my conscience if I do it any longer." "Jane, Nick is an adult man. He has to make his own decisions." "Oh, oh..." Jane sputtered with rage. "What a typical thing for you to say... so fucking selfish... my god Brian Littrell, you are evil!" She backed away from him and pointed a finger in his face. "You should be thanking your dear Lord Jesus every day that you aren't rotting in prison somewhere for statutory rape! You pedophile. Isn't it bad enough that you destroyed Nick's innocence, you raped him and warped his mind, now you want to keep him around to toy with ... what does your Bible say about this, anyway, Brian?" Several people had gathered, shocked by Jane's melodramatic torrent of hate. "You can keep lying as much as you want," Brian said, "it don't make what you say true. You just keep on with whatever it is you believe, Jane, whatever it is that makes you happy and lets you sleep at night."
"People, people," a big-boned nurse said, coming in between the two of them and holding up her hands, "enough, please. There are sick people here trying to get their rest. Enough with the soap operas." "I'm sorry, ma'am," Brian said in his sweet Southern drawl. Jane stormed off down the hallway, and the nurse let Brian in to see Nick. Brian sat down right where Jane had been and watched Nick sleeping. "Nicky..." Brian said, speaking out loud as he gazed at his love. "Baby, I thought I was going to lose you. I thought, all those times I wanted to help you, I wanted to be there for you, and I wasn't, I didn't do what was right... I would have hated myself so much, Nick, if you had left me. I don't know if I could have gone on." His eyes filled with tears, and he took Nick's hand in his and stroked it gently. "When you and I were together, I felt like I'd found my soul mate, Nick. Something like that doesn't happen too often, and I'm one of those people who thinks it probably only comes around one time in this life. How could that have been wrong... I still feel like you're part of me. I think about you when I wake up in the morning, and when I go to bed at night. When I think about heaven, I think about seeing you there, and being with you for eternity." Brian wiped his face and continued talking, just trying to make sense of his own feelings. "Maybe I'm just a romantic fool, and it can't work. But Nick, even if I just had you in my life somehow, I think I could accept it one day if we weren't a couple, and I could go on. Just don't leave me. Nicky, please don't disappear out of my life." He leaned over and kissed the top of Nick's head, inhaling the familiar scent of his long-time lover. Nick sighed and opened his eyes slowly, gazing up at Brian. "Hi," Brian said with a little smile. He squeezed Nick's hand. Nick smiled at him weakly and shut his eyes again. He'd only been half-asleep when Brian came in and had heard every word of Brian's monologue.
"Do you really think she was hitting on you?" Misha laughed, setting down his cup of cappucino and smacking Dani on the knee. "I don't know," Dani smirked, "I just had that vibe. Some day you'll have to casually ask Brian if the bearding is going on both ways." "Hmm," Misha sighed, the smile gradually fading from his lips as he glanced out of the window of the cafe. "Mr. Littrell..." "He's still got it bad for Nick, huh." "Oh yeah. He's pretty much obsessed." "It's not going to get better any time soon, not with Nick almost croaking on us. That's just going to kick the 'poor little Nicky' thing into overdrive." "Tell me about it," Misha sighed, "and now we don't even have Mario around to get in the way." Dani had to laugh. "Oh, Mish, you're bad. That guy was a creep." "I'm just kidding ... sort of. Hey, I have nothing against Nick. He's probably a good guy when he's not wasted. I just have feelings for somebody, and he's the enemy in that situation." "I know. I'm just teasing you, sweetie." Dani patted Misha's leg affectionately. "And let's face it, Brian would be better off with me. I'm the same age as him, I'm stable, I'm cute as hell..." "Hmm," Dani smirked, "I think Nick is cuter." "Hey! Nice support!" "Aww, you're cute too." Dani set her cup down. "Well, are we ready for another big night on the town with the you-know- whos?" "As ready as we'll ever be," Misha said sourly. "Still mad that I think Nick is cuter?" "Yes." Dani burst out laughing and pinched Misha's cheek. "Teen idol wannabe. Ah... there we go. Now he's blushing. Hey - didn't I see you in Bop? Or was that Tiger Beat?" "Okay, Dani, I think you've made your point."
The five members of Backstreet Boys had gathered to make an appearance at a release party for their friend and label mate, the new teen pop sensation Destiny. She would be opening for their European tour, and after a brief press conference, there would be meet and greet and lots of paparazzi type photo ops at the party, where many other high profile pop stars would be in attendance. The ride over in the limo was tense, to say the least. Dani and Misha were with Howie and A.J., while Brian, Kevin, Nick and Leighanne were in the other car. "I'm frankly a little surprised that Nick is coming with," Dani said, "although I guess it would look weird if he wasn't there." "That's it exactly," Misha said. "Just in case any little birds are singing. People will think, he can't have been in the ICU last night, look, he's here at a party and looking lovely." "Oh, there's more to the story than that," A.J. said bitterly. "A lot more," Howie threw in. "You don't want to know what kind of a bitch fest his mom was throwing at the hotel," A.J. said. "She's in now talking to Clive and Lorna," Howie jumped in, speaking quickly. "You know what that means." "What?" Dani asked, hoping that wasn't a rhetorical question. "What do you think?" A.J. asked incredulously, as though she were an idiot. "Contract renegotiation," Howie said, scowling out of the window. "She's threatening to take Nick off the tour. Again." "How much you want to bet he's going to get twice as much as the rest of us?" A.J. asked Dani and Misha. Okay, Dani thought, now that was definitely a rhetorical question. "Son of a bitch," Howie said, his eyes narrowing.
The press conference went off without a hitch and Dani took some photos of Destiny with each of the band members. She was fairly tall and looked a little silly with Brian, A.J. and Howie, but very glamourous with Kevin and especially with Nick. "You two look great together," Dani smiled at them. "Remind me of that so I can get lots of shots of you two together." Destiny broke into a big, gorgeous smile, and Nick did the same immediately thereafter, almost as though he'd seen her do it and wanted to make sure he wasn't eclipsed. Destiny was a willowy, light-skinned black girl who wore her hair in long, thin braids and had a wide-open face a bit like Brandy Norwood's. Nick, who had spent some serious time in make-up before leaving the hotel, looked a bit tired but handsome in his slightly shiny dark grey suit. "How are you feeling?" Dani asked him as they made their way to the meet and greet. "Not too bad," Nick said, and he whispered in her ear, "Destiny doesn't know, okay?" Dani nodded and patted him encouragingly on the shoulder. He did have a way about him that made you want to take care of him. He seemed like everybody's naive little brother.
"What's up with you, anyway?" Howie was asking Kevin at the party while they served themselves some brie and crackers. "Just a lot on my mind lately," Kevin said. "Threw me for a loop," Howie said, popping some food into his mouth and swallowing it before continuing, "I expect that kind of crap from the babies of the group, but not from you." "You know what?" Kevin said, "nobody around here is perfect last time I checked. That includes me, and that includes you." "Hey, I'm not schooling you, Kev. Like I said, I was just surprised." Howie shrugged. "So, have you thought about what I said before, about Nick?" "Yeah, I thought about it." "And?" "Come on, Howie. There's no way we can make it work. Not if we don't have Clive and Lorna with us, and right now, they're probably afraid they'll lose Nick." "I just think things are only going to get worse." "I hear ya, D," Kev sighed. "I feel bad for the kid." "Maybe Brian can get through to him." "Maybe. Seems like time's running out on that."
Brian was chatting with Lance Bass of 'N Sync when he felt a pair of eyes on him. He turned his head ever so slightly and saw Nick watching him sadly. "Anyway, we're going to be in Paris some time next month," Lance was saying. "Let's talk about this more," Brian said, "you have my cell phone number?" "Yeah..." Lance was a bit surprised that Brian was suddenly cutting off their present conversation, but when he glanced to his right and spotted Nick Carter, it all made a lot more sense. "I'll call when I have the dates," Lance smiled, and he patted Brian's arm. "Take care," Brian said with a grin. "Bye now," Lance drawled back. "Hey, are you feeling okay?" Brian said as he came up to Nick, who was leaning back against a table, both hands behind him to support his weight. "You look tired." "Yeah, I'm kinda tired," Nick said softly. "You been drinking?" "Just a couple drinks..." Nick looked at the ground. "We can head out now, let me grab Leighanne." It wouldn't look good for the two of them to leave the party separately, and so Brian hunted Leighanne down quickly and the three of them left, wishing everybody well as they hustled out into the night.
Brian held Nick in his arms in the back seat of the limo, and let the blond rest his head on his shoulder. Leighanne sat staring out the window, running one finger along the glass, deep in her own thoughts. When they got to their floor on the hotel, Leighanne walked briskly down the hall to her room without saying a word to Brian. He hardly noticed her, however, he was so wrapped up in Nick. They got into bed together wearing t-shirts and boxers, and cuddled up under the silky comforter. "They're all pissed off at me," Nick said in a small voice. It was the first thing he'd said, and Brian kissed his cheek tenderly. "Who, baby? Who's pissed off at you?" "A.J. and Howie and Kevin, everybody..." "They're just worried about you, Nicky." "Nah, they hate me." "Shh, don't talk like that. Nobody hates you." "I hate myself," Nick whispered. "Shh, Nick, no..." Brian squeezed him tightly. "Don't talk like that." Nick sighed and snuggled up close to Brian. "Bri bear, you're good to me." "I love you, Nicky. Don't you ever forget that." "I love you too." They lay together for quite a while without sleeping, although neither wanted to let the other know that he was still awake. The physical proximity was comforting in a way, but Nick and Brian felt like they were worlds apart that night.