Please don't read if you are offended by gay sex. The usual disclaimer applies.
CHAPTER SEVEN
A.J. groaned as his eyelids slowly parted. He turned over in bed and upset a tray of food which apparently had been sitting on top of him and Felicia while they slept. "What the..." He picked up a chocolate petit-four. "Mmm, not bad. A little stale. But not bad." He peered around the room, which was completely decimated. Now he remembered; he and Felicia had hosted a little after-party in his hotel room. A.J. looked over at the alarm clock, which was buzzing away and apparently had been doing so for two and a half hours before waking him. Oh well, so much for breakfast. He picked up another petit-four, this time mocha. "Did we have this catered, or what?" he wondered out loud. A.J.'s parties were more often of the tortilla chips, limes and salt shakers variety of solid food offerings. "I'm getting downright sophisticated in my old age," he thought. A.J. glanced over at the sleeping Felicia. She was pretty scary looking in the mornings, since her full crop of hair tended to stick out every which way and the heavy eye liner and mascara she wore was smudged all over her face. But he was fond of her anyway. She was fun and very unpretentious. A.J. patted her bottom and relaxed back on his pillow. "I'll miss you, pumpkin," he said softly.
Brian woke up hearing his telephone ring, and he climbed over Nick to get it. "Mmm...'ello?" "Is Nick there?" "Mmm... Jane?" "No, it's the National Enquirer," she snapped. "Let me talk to my son." Brian rolled his eyes and handed the phone to Nick, slipping his arms around his waist and kissing his shoulder softly as he spooned him from behind. "Hi mom," Nick said, turning to smile at Brian. "Yeah... Okay... No. Mom, no. I'm not gonna do that." Brian hugged Nick tightly and rested his chin on the blond's shoulder. "Well, but I don't want to say that I'm leavin' the group," Nick said, turning again and blowing a kiss at Brian, who responded by moving closer and planting a peck on Nick's lips. "Okay. Uh huh, I will. Yeah. Mom... No, I said no. You're making the other guys hate me." Brian stroked Nick's soft stomach, delighted to see Nick break into a sweet smile and turn to shoot him a cute little smirk. "I understand, mom. I'll talk to you later, okay? Love you too. Bye." Nick hung up the phone and slipped his arms around Brian, kissing him softly. Brian planted little kisses all over Nick's face and then returned to his lover's full lips, tracing their shape and slipping his tongue into Nick's mouth, wrapping it around Nick's tongue, the two of them sighing softly as they held each other tight.
"You want to talk about that?" Brian said softly, nodding his head slightly in the direction of the phone. "Nuh uh," Nick shook his head, smiling at Brian and running his hand through his lover's soft, curly hair, pulling him on top of his body and hugging him around the small of his back. Brian kissed Nick's chest and licked his way up Nick's neck to make his way back to Nick's beautiful mouth, which welcomed Brian back with passionate kisses. Nick moaned softly as their lips parted. "I'm never letting you go again," Brian said quietly, squeezing Nick's thigh with one hand. "Brian," Nick said, his eyes suddenly filled with tears, "I was so scared." "I know, baby..." "I thought I was going to die." "Shhh, it's okay, you're here with me now." "But Brian..." Nick cried harder, and Brian realised that it wasn't the near-overdose that he was upset about. "Sweetheart, what is it? Tell me." "I thought... I thought..." Nick choked on his words and Brian cuddled him closely. "It's okay, take your time." "I thought if I was gone, that..." "What?" "That it was better for you." Nick stared at Brian, his big sapphire eyes wide open, and then he looked away. "Nick..." Brian gasped. "Because- because Brian, I love you, and I'm not good enough for you, and because-" "No," Brian said, his face flushing and his hands beginning to tremble, "don't you dare!" Nick turned on to his side and sobbed into the pillow. "Brian, you deserve somebody better than me!" He was shaking and sobbing, but Brian didn't care, he was so angry. He grabbed Nick's arms and shook him.
"Nickolas Carter, look at me!" Nick wouldn't, and Brian grabbed his chin with one hand and turned his face. "Stop Bri, you're hurting me," Nick sobbed pathetically. "Nick, as much as I love you, God help me, that is how much I would hate you if you did that to me!" Brian shouted. "I would chase you down, Nick! My soul would hunt your soul down, as God is my witness!" He shook Nick again, and then he put a hand to his chest, feeling his heart beating painfully away. "Don't you ever say something like that again," Brian gasped out, starting to cry himself. Nick looked up, wiping the tears and snot off his face and gulping air into his lungs. "I'm sorry Bri, I didn't mean it like that..." He sobbed and covered his face with his hands. "I just thought it ... I just thought it." "Don't ever leave me, Nicky," Brian said softly, cuddling Nick's body to his. Nick reached up and kissed Brian's chest softly, laying his lips on the small scar over Brian's heart, the reminder of his surgery. "Don't leave me either," Nick said so quietly that Brian could barely hear it over his heart beating. "Nicky," Brian sighed as they held each other tightly, desperately. "You are my soul mate." "You're my soul mate, Brian," Nick whispered. "Don't give me any of this crap about who is better and who deserves what. That shit doesn't matter, Nick. We love each other. And that's powerful." "Yes," Nick whispered, clutching Brian even more tightly, if that was possible. "Do you think love has its own power?" They were both whispering now, but the sound seemed to fill the quiet room. "Yeah Brian, I do... I can feel it."
Soft kisses began the slow pace of their love making, and Nick slipped Brian's shirt off to kiss his way up and down Brian's beautifully sculpted body. Brian took Nick's shirt and boxers off and let his hands roam over the familiar terrain of Nick's muscular thighs, the little curve of his hips and his stomach, his precious belly button. Nick laid back and brought Brian close to him, caressing his lover's back and shoulders as they kissed each other, lips parting for oxygen and for soft moans of pleasure. "Ohhh, Brian, yes," Nick sighed, his warm tongue bathing Brian's neck and ear as the tip of Brian's hard, curving dick pressed against Nick's hole, a drop of pre-cum moist and cool as it seeped down Nick's inner thigh. Brian began to suck gently on one of Nick's nipples as the head of his dick slipped in. Nick raised his legs and tilted his hips to accept Brian into his body, moaning as he felt the hot fullness spreading deep into him. Slowly, Brian pushed deeper and deeper into his lover, his eyes shut and his face a picture of ecstasy. They fucked in slow motion, as Brian slowly pulled back until only the head of his dick remained in Nick's ass, and then as Nick cried out and clamped himself tightly around Brian, not allowing him to leave, Brian slipped in again, filling his lover, both of them under the spell of passionate lust. Again and again, Brian surged in and out of Nick's body, and as their orgasms began to build slowly, surely, Nick began to pant louder and whispered, "oh, God, Bri, it feels like the ocean..." One more deep thrust brought him to the brink and Nick's warm cum spilled between their chests. Brian moaned, overwhelmed by so much sensory stimulation, bathed in Nick's cum and Nick's tears, as his lover sobbed on his shoulder. Nick kept moving with Brian as Brian began to thrust deeper and faster. "Do it, fuck me, harder," Nick whispered in Brian's ear, urging him on as Brian's throbbing dick showed no signs of letting up its assault. Nick was very hard again and he gripped Brian tightly, wrapping his legs around his lover's waist and raising his hips and ass up to meet every thrust. "God, yes!" Brian screamed, slamming his dick in one last time and feeling his knees go weak as he came. He threw his head back wildly and finally collapsed on top of Nick, who wrapped his arms around Brian and kissed his neck.
Brian lay there breathing hard, and finally his dick slid out of his lover's ass, but they tangled together, arms and legs so wound up that nobody would have been able to tell which limb belonged to which person. Instead of relaxing after their intense orgasms, they were still dizzy with lust, and they continued to kiss each other, biting each other's lips and sucking on each other's tongues, unwilling to let go. Their chests and stomachs were sticky with cum, and they ran their hands on each other, licking each other's fingers and panting with desire. Nick's hand wrapped around both of their dicks and he began to rub them up and down, together, both cocks swollen and burning hot to the touch. "Ahhh," Brian cried out, bringing his hand down to meet Nick's and wrap around it, as pre-cum from both dicks began to run down Nick's fingers and on to Brian's hand as well. The two of them lay there gasping and moaning, concentrating only on the incredibly erotic sensation coming from their dicks, both of them as hard as they could ever remember, pre-cum leaking out in aching slowness, and slowly they felt an inevitable release building deep within their bodies. They came together, not even knowing who was touching who... Nick and Brian clung to each other, their eyes closed, feeling as though nothing in the world existed except for the two of them, and there was no difference between them, no gap where one ended and the other began.
"This is fucking ridiculous!" Howie shouted. He turned around on his heel and walked off the stage. "Oh, chill out already," Kevin yelled back. "There is no excuse for this," Howie yelled back, "no fucking excuse!" He tore off the gloves he had on and flung them down on the ground before marching off. A.J. shrugged and took a seat on one of the risers. Dani and Misha, who were standing on the edge of the stage, looked at each other nervously. "It's really no big emergency," Kevin said as he walked over to them. "Yeah, it's our final rehearsal and it would have been nice for Brian and Nick to show up, but you know we'll have a dress rehearsal before the first show in Europe, and they're gonna switch stuff around, they always do." "You think everything's okay?" Dani asked. She wished she hadn't, since Misha turned and scowled at her. Kevin chuckled. "Oh sure. I think things are probably very okay. Hey, if there was something wrong, you know Brian would call. They're probably just spending the day in bed." Misha stalked off to go and talk to A.J. about something.
Dani knew she'd have to do some major damage control later on, but for the time being, Misha was gone and she could ask the next question, "so do you think it's a good thing, Nick and Brian?" Kevin sighed and bopped his head from side to side figuring out what he wanted to say. "Well, I know Brian, and he's really in love with Nick. I think he's good for Nick. I mean, it took me a while to accept their relationship, but that's all in the past." "I can see that," Dani nodded. "It's more about Nick," Kevin said. "He's just kinda flaky, and he's too messed up and immature to be committed the way Brian wants. That's why I worry. I mean, hey, if Nick gets his shit together, and they can really make it work, more power to them." "It's good that everybody is supportive of them, I mean, the gay thing," Dani said. Kevin gave her an odd look. "Well, of course we are," he said. "No, I just mean, well, like you said, at first you didn't accept it..." "Oh no," Kevin laughed, "I didn't mean that." "Ohh," Dani said, feeling confused and stupid.
"I had a problem with the age gap, and the maturity gap," Kevin explained. "You see, Brian can act goofy, but he's pretty mature for his age. Nick is mature about some things just because he's seen stuff many kids his age haven't, but he's five years younger than Brian, and hasn't gotten to experience some of the normal growing-up kind of stuff. They've been together for a while. Nick was real young." "Oh, okay," Dani said. "You know that I'm gay, don't you?" Kevin asked, his eyes twinkling at her becomingly. "What?" Dani blinked. She wasn't sure if he was kidding or not. "I'm gay," Kevin grinned, "hey, you may as well know, it's not like you don't know about the rest of our crap." "Wow," Dani laughed, shaking her head. "I don't want to sound like a jerk but... you really don't seem gay!" Kevin laughed too. "Sad to say, but that's a good thing." He smiled and sighed. "Yep, gay as they come. I've just been single for a long time. It's tough to find somebody you can have a relationship with. You're on the road, strike one. You're a celebrity, strike two. You're a gay celebrity who has to stay in the closet... man, you are screwed." "Or not," Dani grinned. Kevin laughed out loud and put his hands on his hips. "Well," he chuckled, "you got me there."
CHAPTER EIGHT
Dani sifted through her bag hunting for a certain CD to listen to while the luggage for Backstreet Boys, the Backstreet Band, the dancers and all the rest of their entourage was loaded on the plane. Nine Inch Nails? Well, not what she was looking for but that sounded good. She slipped her headphones on and relaxed back against the seat, but five minutes later the rest of the band started boarding and A.J. McLean sat down next to her. "Hey," Dani smiled, taking the headphones off again. She was growing very fond of A.J. despite her bad first impressions of the guy. He was actually very intelligent and seemed like the most interesting person in the whole group to talk to ... when he was in the mood to talk, that is. "What are you listening to? That better be our CD, or else ..." A.J. gestured with his thumb like "yer outta here." "I'm pretty sure it's you guys," Dani grinned. "All those boy bands sound the same to me." "Yeeouch," A.J. laughed. He rubbed his hands on his jeans. "Where's my party crew?" "Who are you waiting on?" Dani asked agreeably. "Tai - he's one of the dancers, Nicky boy, and I guess you'll be our fourth." "Uh oh," Dani laughed, "what am I getting myself into here?" "Heh heh," A.J. grinned broadly, "we just passin' the time, baby. Just passin' the time."
"Hey Howie-" Dani was saying, but her greeting was ignored as Howie stalked past quickly. "Yeeouch once more," A.J. commented. Dani slapped him lightly on the shoulder. Kevin and Brian came on next, in the midst of an argument they could hear before they even stepped on to the plane. "What did I tell you, Brian?" "Oh, don't give me that I told you so bullshit!" "What did you expect? You should know better by now!" "I mean it Kev..." "No, I'm serious Brian, what did you think was gonna happen? I wouldn't care if you didn't act so fucking surprised!" They walked by Dani and A.J., so wrapped up in their battle that they never glanced in their direction. "Ohhh," A.J. groaned, pushing up the brim of his hat and rubbing his temples, "give me alcoooohoooolll...." Dani laughed. "It's going to be a long six hours for those two." She smiled quickly, thinking about Misha sitting back there. He was probably eavesdropping like mad. He seemed to have accepted the fact that Brian and Nick had gotten back together. Dani couldn't help but think that Misha had gotten over it much better once she told him that Kevin was gay too. Misha claimed that he'd had an inkling about this, but Dani wasn't buying it. "Take your gaydar in to the shop," she told him, "because it is definitely not working."
Nick boarded next and came and sat with A.J. and Dani in the front of the plane. It was fairly obvious why Brian and Kevin were having the particular fight that they were; Nick was drunk and looked like he'd been crying. "Lover's quarrel?" A.J. asked rather crassly. "Huh, no," Nick slurred, "I just been getting ready for our airplane ride and Brian got all pissed off and I told him, Brian, it's no big deal, but he had to get all pissed and stuff and-" "Okay, got it," A.J. said with a laugh, patting Nick's arm. "I hate flying," Nick declared, slumping back in his seat. "Flying sucks ass," A.J. agreed amiably. "Let's party." "Yeah," Nick grinned, "less party." Dani sighed. "I'll be right back, okay you guys?" She slipped out just as Tai and one of the guys in the band came over to join the two Backstreet Boys in the bottle of Scotch that A.J. had just produced.
Misha and Brian were talking in the back of the plane. Leighanne had her eyes shut and was listening to music. She was taking off as soon as they got to Holland to go and do some business of her own; she'd rejoin them later. Howie was nowhere to be seen. Dani assumed that he was lying down across two seats. She took a seat next to Kevin, who was looking as pissy as usual. "Are they drinking up there?" he asked her immediately, glaring at Dani as though it was her fault. "Oh yeah," she replied, "I hope they can find the barf bags." "Fucking A.J.," Kevin sighed, looking out the window. The plane was on its way to the runway at this point, and the two flight attendants who had the pleasure of accompanying this private charter walked quickly up and down the aisles, making sure that everything was pretty much as it should be. Dani put her seat belt on out of habit, although she realised that everybody else was basically doing whatever the hell they felt like doing. How decadent. "Do you think things are going to work themselves out?" Dani asked. She wished she hadn't said it as soon as the words came out. Dani always wished she had more impulse control when it came to blurting these things out. She had no business asking Kevin Richardson that kind of question. It was rude, it was unanswerable, and it was presumptious, since she was just a peon photographer. Kevin shrugged, still peering anxiously out the window as the plane took off. Dani wasn't sure if he was afraid of flying, interested in the surroundings, or what. "I really don't know," Kevin said finally. "I wish I did. Right now, I'm just taking things day by day." This didn't inspire much confidence in Dani, since her understanding was that Kevin was supposed to be the father figure of the band and the one who took care of business.
"I'm sorry, I'm just so pissed off right now," Brian had said when he came back over to sit with Misha. When he'd first gotten on the plane, Misha had said hello, gotten no reply, asked what was wrong, and gotten only "he's - he's - argh!" and Brian walking off. Five minutes later, the singer had come back, and Misha felt his heart racing at Brian's proximity. Brian was dressed casually in loose-fitting pants and a soft looking long-sleeved top. It fit him perfectly and showed off his athletic, narrow-framed figure. The deep brown colour off-set his pale blue eyes. Misha realised that he was still very smitten with Brian Littrell and it wasn't a feeling that he could just turn off. "It's okay Brian," Misha said a little too eagerly. "If you want to talk about it, that's okay. If not, that's okay too." "Well, you can probably guess what it's about," Brian said ruefully. Misha loved Brian's accent. It was so sexy. He wasn't going to offer up Nick's name into the conversation, so Misha just nodded at him encouragingly. "I don't think it's wrong for me to get angry with Nick for drinking. I mean, having one or two drinks is one thing, although I wouldn't like that too much either, but I come to pick him up to go to the airport and he's drunk..." Brian hadn't been able to meet Misha's eyes since he began explaining the situation. It was as though he was ashamed; Misha didn't understand whether he was ashamed of himself somehow, or by association with Nick, or ashamed for Nick.
Misha nodded at Brian again. He wished that he could give him a big hug, but that might be inappropriate. "So I got mad," Brian continued, his voice growing quieter as he went on. "I asked him what he was doing, and he got all defensive, of course, and made like it was no big thing, and I said, Nick, alcohol or drugs, it's all the same thing, you were in the hospital last week, you could have died. He gets real pissed and says I have no right to use that against him and treat him like shit for that... I didn't mean it that way. Does it seem like that to you? Like I'm looking down on him?" "No, no. Not at all," Misha assured him. "Well, that's what he started going on about and once he had that idea he couldn't seem to get over it," Brian said, looking up at last and making eye contact with Misha. Misha's big brown eyes looked very tender and concerned; it was touching. "I know it's foolish for me to even try and talk to him if he's already drunk. I'm just upset right now and I don't know what to do." Misha considered this. Giving Brian advice on how to mend his relationship with Nick was the last thing Misha wanted to do, but yet at the same time, he wanted to show Brian that he was a good guy, and do something nice for him. Yuck, Misha thought, this is so twisted. "I'm not sure, Brian," he said at last, "I've never really been in this kind of situation myself, with somebody who has a substance abuse problem." Ugh, that sounded cold. Brian nodded to himself. "Do you think I should go talk to him?" He looked up at Misha hopefully. "Erm," Misha stammered. What was the appropriate answer here? "Maybe," he said. "Just see if he wants to talk, and if not, later, when he's sobered up more. But don't let it just drop." There, hopefully that was a bit better. Brian patted Misha's shoulder. "Thanks man," he said, and he got up to make the long trek to the front of the plane.
Dani watched Brian go by. "I don't think he's going to be too happy when he sees what's going on up there," she said to Kevin. Kevin just shook his head. "Sometimes my cousin is a sucker for punishment," he replied. He folded his arms and stared down the aisle after Brian, as though he was waiting for the inevitable fallout. Kevin couldn't get his mind off how much he'd like a drink right now himself. But there was no way he was going to show a sign of weakness. Having Nick make an ass of himself in public was a great way to inspire Kevin to stay sober. Dani squirmed in her seat. She wished all the tension between the guys in the band would just break. She couldn't imagine things continuing like this for months. It felt claustrophobic on the plane.
Brian came and sat next to Nick, who was sprawled out in a seat by himself. "You still mad at me?" Nick mumbled. Brian smoothed Nick's hair back from his face and gazed at him sadly. Nick looked like shit. "I'm not mad at you," Brian said softly. He lay down beside his lover and wrapped his arms around his body. "I'm just worried about you." "Why are you worried, Brian? Everything's fine now." Nick shut his eyes, and Brian kissed his eyelids, knowing that he wasn't going to see those blue eyes again for a while. "I love you," Brian whispered. "Everything's fine," Nick mumbled, "we're together again, that's the most important thing..." "Shh, just relax and go to sleep," Brian said, kissing Nick on the cheek. "I'm right here with you." "I love you baby," Nick slurred out before slipping into a heavy sleep. Brian just lay there next to Nick, shutting his own eyes and trying his best to tune out the noise from the people next to him, who were all laughing and trying to party on an airplane, which as far as Brian was concerned was an exercise in impossibility.
"I give it one week," Leighanne said as she came and sat down next to Misha. He looked up at her, surprised. "What? You mean Nick and Brian?" "Yeah. Oh, don't get me wrong. They'll keep getting back together indefinitely until somebody gives Brian the kick in the ass that he has been needing for several years." "Hmm," Misha smiled, not wanting to show how he really felt about this situation. "Right now I think he's beginning to realise that he's throwing his life away," Leighanne said with an emphatic little bounce of her pony tail. "I've already given him the definition of the word 'codependent.' Many times." Misha laughed. "But you know what Misha? What's really going to break the cycle?" "What?" "New man. Brian needs a new man." "You think he'll find somebody in Europe?" Misha asked. "Oh, you never know," Leighanne smiled a little too broadly. "Somebody could be right here and he just hasn't realised it yet." Misha choked.