Please don't read if you are offended by gay sex. The usual disclaimer applies.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Brian stood at the end of the bed, wearing boxers and a very penitent expression on his face. Misha sat cross-legged, his arms folded across his chest, an unaccomodating jumble of thin, pointy limbs. They had passed the ride home in the limo in dead silence, and now Brian was pleading for forgiveness. "I can't make it end just like that," he said, snapping his fingers. "We have to tie things up, I can't just seal it off and forget about it." "Let me put it to you plainly," Misha said, "I only want to be in a relationship with you. Just Brian. Not Brian and Nick." "Baby, let me make it up to you," Brian said, giving Misha his best sultry, sexy look. Misha shook his head. "I don't exist as an accessory to you," he said. "I have my own life and I'm my own person. I'm not here for you to get over Nick." Brian sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "I know, Mish. I'm sorry if you feel that way sometimes. I shouldn't have ever gotten back with Nick, it's just ... I don't know how to explain it. It's like having exactly what you want right in front of you, but you still can't have it."
"I can't believe you," Misha hissed. "What?" "How can you say that to me? First off, how do you think it makes me feel when you start talking about your soul mate, your one true love? Huh Bri?" "I'm sorry, Mish, I-" "No, let me finish. It's hard enough knowing that the way I feel about you is not how you feel about me. Brian, you're like my perfect man. Okay? So don't give me any shit about not being able to have what's right in front of your face." They gazed at one another, and Brian's sad, clear blue eyes sought some kind of hope in Misha's fiery gaze. "Misha, I'm sorry," Brian said for what seemed to be the thousandth time that night. "There is something powerful between you and me and I don't want to fuck it up." "I'm not your groupie," Misha said, pain apparent in his voice. "I'm giving up a lot to be with you too, Brian, and I can walk away just as easily as you can." Brian stroked Misha's leg soothingly and sighed. "I understand that. Look, it's over between me and Nick. It's only memories now." It killed him to say it, as though part of his heart was breaking off, frozen solid.
"Let me show you how much I care about you," Brian whispered in Misha's ear, sending a rush of sexual excitement through Misha's body. "Brian," Misha sighed, caressing Brian's strong shoulders and back, "I want you to be honest with me. Please give me that much respect." "I have never been dishonest with you, baby," Brian said, backing away and looking him right in the eyes. "Trust is part of what was so wrong with me and Nick..." His voice faded out as Brian realised that he was doing it again. Misha let out a fatigued sigh. "Look, Brian, I know your life is wrapped up with Nick's because you too shared a lot together. But you are two separate people. Even when you were a couple, you were still two separate people. Right?" Brian dropped his gaze. He and Nick had both believed that they weren't separate people at all, but two halves that made one whole. He'd said as much to Leighanne, who went off on him with more pop psychology. "I'm going to take a shower," Brian said, and he got out of bed and trudged into the bathroom, leaving Misha lying there confused, hurt and angry.
Dani went rushing out to the tour bus, herded there by security. A large crowd of fans was gathered in the early morning mist, pushing a blockade of police who were trying to keep things under control and let the guys just get on the bus and leave Paris in peace. "Dani, wait up!" It was Leighanne, and Dani managed to wrench her arm free of one of the big goon's grip to meet her. "You're taking the other bus?" she asked. "No," Leighanne said, "here, give this letter to Brian. I have to go." "Where are you going?" "Never mind, I'll tell you later. Bye." "Wait, Leigh-" "Come on, we have to get on the bus NOW," the guard said, pulling Dani away as the fans started screaming for Leighanne, tossings things at her and snapping flash photos as the blond rushed off to get into a taxi. It took all of Dani's moral fibre to keep from ripping open the sealed envelope, but she didn't. The fans screamed and surged as the guys hurried on board, shielded as best they could by the guards, who didn't appreciate being beaned repeatedly by the gifts that the faithful had brought as offerings. Howie and Nick weren't on board yet, and while they waited, a couple of fans broke through the barricade and ran to the bus, banging on the side and screaming like banshees. Dani was frightened by their intensity, but at the same time, the emotional release the girls were going through was powerful, transforming.
"Howie, please... I'm really sorry about last night." Nick put a hand on his old friend's shoulder, but the smaller man brushed it off and glared at him. "Fine, Nicky," he said. "I was just really upset, it wasn't even your fault," Nick went on, his eyes open wide as he sought some reassurement from Howie. "You know what really pisses me off," Howie said. "It's being taken for granted. Oh, Howie won't care. Howie's our least valuable player. Everybody can dump on him whenever they want. Take what they want from him." "D, it's just because you knocked and-" "I'm not talking about last night," Howie interrupted. "I'm more angry about what you're doing after Chartres," Howie said. "Your little solo show." "Oh, God," Nick sighed, "Howie, I tried to get out of that." "Yeah right. You know, Nicky, it wouldn't be so fucking sad if we didn't used to be like a family. Where I come from, family doesn't mean stabbing people in the back and using them. But I guess your family is a little different from mine. Aren't they."
Nick flushed with emotion and folded his arms tightly over his chest. "Howie, what can I say. I did some dumb things while we were apart, and I guess I let my mom push me around. I never wanted to break up the group!" "No, Nicky, I don't think you even care about that," Howie said hotly. "I think you just don't want to be blamed for anything, and you don't want to take responsibility for anything. Well, this is your doing, whether you want to admit it or not." "That's not fair," Nick said in a whiny way, "you don't know what kind of a position I was in with my family and all..." "We all have our problems," Howie said, "stop feeling so goddamned sorry for yourself all the time." Nick just stared at him, feeling as though he'd been slapped across the face. "Howie, I feel so bad," he said finally. "Really? I didn't know you felt anything any more," Howie said more quietly. "You should feel bad, Nicky. Wake up and take a good look at what you've done." He walked out and was rushed to the tour bus by his little cluster of guards. "We should go too," one of the others said to Nick. Every cell of Nick's body wanted to run in the opposite direction.
The bus rushed through the French countryside to the inn outside of Chartres where the guys were staying. They were the last act in the show and had to suffer through a "hurry-up-and-wait" schedule, doing a quick rehearsal early on and then puttering around for hours waiting to go on. Dani cuddled with A.J. in the one of the seats up front, watching the scenery. "I bet those 'N Stinkers are laughing it up right now," he said glumly. "Instinkers?" Dani chortled. "I know for a fact they're not pleased that we're headlining the show, even though we haven't released a new album in two years and they're topping all the charts right now." "So there is a bitter rivalry after all," Dani said, pushing a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "Yes and no," A.J. said. "We get along okay, but you know it's there, not being talked about." He watched the rich pastures fly by and his conscience stabbed at him; his Backstreet brothers needed to stick together to get through this rough patch, and what he was doing could be the final blow. But it was too late to back out of his plans now. A.J. sighed. "Damn, I need a cigarette," he said. "Bad boy," Dani laughed. "We'll be at the inn soon, you can sneak a quick puff before we head out to the fair grounds." She glanced over at Nick, who was curled up in a ball in his seat, listening to music on his headphones, his thumb resting on one lip as he daydreamed. Seeing him at his most childlike, it was inconceivable to Dani that Nick and Kevin were even involved in a physical relationship, let alone anything more.
Brian folded the letter from Leighanne carefully and slid it into his pocket, refusing to think about it at the time being. He sat down with Kevin in the kitchenette and made himself some tea. "Where's Misha?" Kevin asked in a nonchalant way. "I think he's reading," Brian said, staring at him coldly. "We need to talk." "Bri, we're gonna be there in ..." Kevin glanced at his watch. "This won't take long," Brian said in the same monotone. "Fine, Rok," Kevin sighed, sensing that he had no choice in the matter. "The least you could have done was tell me," Brian said quietly. "I didn't need to find out the way I did." Kevin scratched his head. It had been a long and very sleepless night for him. "Now I don't know what the hell is going on with you, or who you are anymore," Brian continued, "but we're family, and I never expected this from you. You took advantage of Nick, and you hurt both us when you did it." "Nick can take care of himself," Kevin said. "And why was this all a big secret?" Brian asked, his eyes narrowing at his cousin. "I know why. Because you aren't having a relationship. Because you're ashamed that you're even sleeping with Nick. How can you treat him like that? That's just wrong, Kevin." "Brian, Nick doesn't belong to you any more and he can do whatever he wants." "I know you don't like to be in the wrong. Kev," Brian said, his voice shaking. "But this time you fucked up. Nick can do what he want, but it doesn't have to be you, Kevin. It doesn't have to be my own cousin."
After dropping off their things at the hotel and hurriedly changing into the clothing supplied for them, the Backstreet Boys were carted off to a tent at the fairgrounds, where they went through rapid-fire make-up before a special meet and greet and photo session with children from a local cancer clinic. Once that obligation was fulfilled, they broke for a quick bite to eat. "I'm frankly shocked," Lance said to Kevin with a big smirk as he slid his butt next to him at the long bench style table. Kevin just sighed. "Look Lance, I'm not in the mood." "Sorry," Lance shrugged, "I just thought Nicky preferred younger guys." "Hey," Kevin frowned. "Relax, Kevin, that was a joke!" "Well, it wasn't very funny." Lance grinned broadly. "You know he was hitting on Justy last spring. Did you ever hear about that?" "No," Kevin said flatly. "I don't think Justy would have made it up," Lance shrugged, munching on his baguette. "He called me from Sweden to tell me, because he thought it was so funny. He says, 'yo Scoop, I gots some funny shit to tell ya' ... just like that..." Kevin nodded, staring off across the tent, looking for Nick, who wasn't around. "I guess that guy Mario that Nicky was seeing was hitting on Justy pretty bad at dinner, and he said... oh, what was it..." Kevin wanted to talk to Nick, but then, he didn't know what he wanted to say. His anger about Nick blurting out their little secret had faded quickly and was turning into a dull sort of hurt. Nick was just using me to get back at Brian. Well, why should that bother me, I was just using him too. I'm too damn sensitive these days.
"And then Nicky came to Justy's room all coked out and dressed like a pimp, and starts asking Justy 'what are you doing tonight? you want to come hang out with me and Mario' and Justy was like, uh, not really, I was going to call my GIRLFRIEND and of course Nicky is clueless and-" Kevin tuned Lance out again. It seemed to him that he was most angry about feeling that he'd lost control of his "affair" with Nick. It was supposed to be on my terms. He looked up and met Lance's sea-green eyes again. "They would make a cute couple, I have to admit," the blond was saying, "but I told Justy, I would kill you if you fucked Nick Carter ... I mean, please, here you've had a Southern belle right here at your disposal, and you go for that piece of white trash first? At least he's lost some weight. My God, I thought he was going to turn into a hippo for a while..." "You know Lance," Kevin said, "you're very bitchy when you're jealous." He got up and walked off, leaving Lance turning a deep red colour.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
The music festival was chaotic. It rained hard all day and crowd control became an increasing problem. 'N Sync's set was delayed by almost half an hour due to an electrical gaffe and a riot nearly broke out. Finally the Backstreet Boys were up, doing an abbreviated set, eight songs and then an encore with 'N Sync, a song that Brian had written called "True to You." A.J. took a quick shower and then he and Dani hit the road, hopping a taxi and then getting on a train to Amsterdam. "We'll fly out in the early a.m.," he said, rubbing Dani's neck, which was tight with pent-up nerves and exhaustion, "I know Howie and Nick are both flying out of Paris." "So we're going up to Holland just to avoid them?" "It just makes it easier," A.J. said. "Besides, I like Amsterdam." Dani made a face at him. "Yeah, we're going to be there for what, ten minutes?" A.J. laughed softly and reclined his seat back, spreading a blanket over the two of them. "Come on, relax, this is gonna be fun. Our secret getaway." Dani snuggled close to him, relishing the feeling of his arm around her shoulders. A.J. almost smelled incredible and she breathed in his cologne as the train rushed through the pitch-black French country. Which A.J. am I going to get, Dani asked herself as she felt his lips nuzzling her neck, the down to earth, "real" A.J.? The egotistical, superficial star A.J., who needs to be surrounded by groupies and lackeys? His hands slid over her thigh under the blanket and Dani felt herself relax into his caresses. She kissed him back and giggled as his hands found the curves of her waist, tickling her slightly. "Come on, Alex," she whispered, "we are still in public." "Sorry baby," A.J. purred, "something about trains does that to me."
"I don't think there's any nightlife in Chartres," Chris was saying to the group gathering in his hotel room. "Well, we're going to find something," Joey said, "right Lance?" "Good luck," J.C. laughed. "Yeah, we'll find something," Lance said. "I just need to find Justin first." "I think he and Larissa went to their room already," Joey said, wiggling his eyebrows meaningfully. "So?" Lance chirped. He went flouncing out of the room in an exaggeratedly nelly manner, causing the other three to bust out laughing. "Oh, Lansten is in fine form tonight," Joey said, checking himself out in the mirror, smoothing one of his eyebrows which seemed to be askew. "I think tonight was important for us," J.C. said, looking out of the window of their hotel. "It was pretty clear who had their shit together and who didn't. When this shows on MTV Europe, there's going to be some fallout." "Yeah right," Chris said with a scowl. "All it's been non-stop for the past month is Backstreet's back-" "all right!" they all said together. "I am so sick of their hype machine," Chris continued. "They're already jumping the gun on our live video by releasing their own at almost the same time." "Can't we all just get along?" Joey grinned. "Come on, we're doing great." "Joey," Chris said irritably, "it's not a personal thing. Their management has it in for us and you know it. That whole crap about threatening to sue us for that TV special? How about Justin doing those shows with Nick and not even getting paid? You think that was a random thing?" "Chris, all I know is I'm not going along with any mud flinging bullshit you want to stir up," Joey said, folding his arms resolutely over his broad chest. "I'm a big grown-up and I don't play kindergarteners' games."
"Justy? Are you in there?" Lance knocked lightly on the door and pressed his ear up to it, listening intently for any tell-tale moans or bed squeaks. "Looking for me?" Lance jumped and put a hand on his chest. "You scared the shit out of me, Curly!" "Sorry. I was just talking to Nick. Come on in..." Justin unlocked his door and let Lance into his suite. "Where's Larissa?" "She and Nikki went to buy something at the mini mart," Justin said casually, flinging himself into an easy chair, his long limbs resting lazily here and there. "What's up?" "Were you trying to get your money out of Nick?" Justin rolled his eyes. "We were just talkin', Scoop." "Nobody just talks to Nick," Lance said snidely, "it's not really possible to carry on a normal conversation with him if you wanted to." "You need to get laid, Lance. Your perverted little mind is goin' off again." "Did he say anything weird to you?" Lance prodded, "like about something Kevin might have said?" "What did you say to Kevin," Justin groaned. "Oh nothing. We were just chatting earlier..." "You need to stop playing with people," Justin said, getting up and walking to the refrigerator. "You want a drink or something?" "No, I'm cool. Just, you know I'm not trying to play with you." "I didn't say you were." "I just think it's interesting, how Kevin reacted when I told him some things." "Lance, you better not be talking any crap about me and Nick," Justin said angrily, "cos nothing is going on there." "I didn't say there was!" Lance eyed Justin intently. "I just think it's odd, that's all. You and Nick. Why won't you talk about it?" "I don't think I have to," Justin said. "Since you make up enough stories without me sayin' a word."
"Come on," Brian whispered, "give me a boost." He and Misha had found a way through the wrought-iron gates of a medieval church and walked through a garden of stone figures up the steps to a set of enormous carved wooden doors. Brian had pried open a small window to the right and was trying to shimmy his way into the building. "Look at all that above the doorway," Misha gasped, staring up in the dark at the relief sculptures of religious figures, mythical animals, and Latin inscriptions. "Hey, little help here!" "You know this is totally illegal," Misha laughed, "and we're in a foreign country." Brian scrambled through and dropped to the ground inside with a little thud. "Are you okay?" Misha whispered through the window. "Bit higher up than I was anticipatin'," Brian laughed. "Come on to the door, I'll let you in." They tip-toed into the main hall, feeling the eyes of thousands of saints, gargoyles and kings upon them. They explored for a while, but it was just too creepy in there, and they snuck out the back into another garden, more secluded and featuring an ornate fountain. "I think we should be naughty more often," Misha laughed. "I agree," Brian smiled. "I'm tired of being a good boy." "You have to look out for yourself sometimes," Misha said. "Go a little wild." "Sounds like a plan," Brian smiled, and he unbuttoned Misha's shirt and began kissing his chest, loving the feel of his nipple becoming hard against his cheek.
"We are still on church property," Misha laughed, and then he let out a little gasp as Brian's insistant teeth nipped at his flesh. "Lay back," Brian said in a husky voice, and Misha did so, reclining on the grass, stray leaves moist from the rain. It was very dark outside, and the alternating sensations of cool puffs of air and warm laps of Brian's tongue sent an erotic charge deep through Misha's body. Brian kissed Misha's belly button and nibbled along the thin trace of hair leading down his pelvis, unfastening Misha's trousers and taking in the scent of his crotch. Misha pulled Brian back up on top of him and they kissed each other intensely, releasing their swollen dicks from their clothes one by one. They were not quite out in the open, but there was a little thrill of possible discovery which tinged their every action. Misha trembled in anticipation and groaned loudly as Brian forced the big head of his cock into his ass, resting there and allowing Misha's bowels to invite him further inside. "Oh Brian," Misha sighed, "I love you so much." "I love you too," Brian replied softly, a tear forming in his eyes. He felt twisted inside, unsure of what part of him was being honest and what part of him was lying. Brian stroked Misha's hard dick and kissed him sloppily as he felt his balls tighten and tingle. He arched his back and slammed his cock in harder, moaning and letting drops of sweat fall from his bare chest on to Misha's body. Misha wished that Brian didn't close his eyes during sex. "Oh God, yes, oh..." Brian grunted with release and continued to fuck Misha's ass while his erection subsided, feeling the last spurts of cum shoot into his condom, sliding himself out carefully and dumping the sodden latex to the side of their squirming, sweaty bodies. "Oh baby," Brian panted in Misha's ear, "let me take care of that for you..." He stroked Misha's throbbing cock and then slid down to suck the tip of it into his mouth, squeezing the base and licking around the head, coated with thick pre-cum. Misha gasped loudly and wriggled around. "Bri, ahh... don't stop!" Brian went down further on Misha's cock and pumped him hard while sucking, and his lover came quickly, filling Brian's mouth with his salty cum and moaning loudly. Misha cradled Brian in his arms as they lay together breathing hard, smelling of sex and coming back to reality and the awareness of their surroundings.
"Oh hey Kevin, what are ya doin'?" "It's late, let me in, Nick," Kevin said, brushing past the blond and into his messy room, almost tripping over a pile of clothing. "You want a drink?" "No, come sit down with me, we need to talk." Nick walked very carefully over to the couch and sat down by Kevin, sliding close to him and resting his chin on Kevin's shoulder. Kevin backed away; Nick reeked of alcohol. "You're really drunk, aren't you?" he said in a flat voice. "Just a little bit," Nick said, running his hand up Kevin's thigh. "Tonight was pretty good huh?" "Wonderful," Kevin said irritably, and he leaned forward and took an unopened bottle of beer out of the ice bucket. "So you're going to Madrid tomorrow," Kevin said as he took a big gulp of the cold beer. "Uh huh," Nick replied, curling up on the couch and laying his head on Kevin's lap. "Nick, get up, we have to talk," Kevin said, and he shoved Nick rudely. "I don't feel like talkin' Kev..." "Well, I don't care," Kevin said, "we're going to talk." "Okay fine," Nick said too loudly, "let's talk then! Blah blah!" "You make me so mad," Kevin sighed, setting the bottle back down and staring across the room. "I didn't do anything," Nick said, resting on Kevin again. "I'm mad at you, you're the one makin me mad." "Why did you just say that last night," Kevin said, turning to look Nick in the eyes, which wasn't much use since Nick seemed like he could hardly see. "Brian is an asshole," Nick proclaimed, "and you are too. That's why." He crawled on to Kevin's lap and kissed Kevin on the neck. "Can we stop talking now?"
"This whole thing is so fucked up," Kevin said, and he stroked Nick's hair back from his face. "You are so fucked up and I am so fucked up and everything is so fucked up." He felt his words choke in his throat as he said it. "Uh yeah," Nick laughed, "good idea Kev, let's fuck..." He kissed Kevin's neck again and licked around his jawline, sucking on his chin and then biting at his lips hungrily. "Where are you," Kevin said, "are you even in there, Nick?" "I'm right here," Nick slurred, "I'm here with you. Are you drunk?" Kevin rested his head on the back of the couch. He felt like he straddled two worlds, a world of order, which made sense, which was cold and lonely, and another world, which swirled and vibrated with emotion and sensation, but which threatened the core of his sense of self. "Get drunk with me," Nick said in his sexy voice, stroking Kevin's hard chest. "You're so hot when you go wild." "I'll show you going wild," Kevin said angrily. "Oh yeah," Nick moaned as Kevin sucked hard on his neck, shoving him against the back of the couch. They tore each other's clothes off and Nick straddled Kevin's lap, sinking himself greedily down on Kevin's big cock with a loud groan of pleasure. "Yes, oh, fuck me hard!" "Uhh, yeah..." Kevin let himself moan out loud, which was not typical, and he grabbed Nick by the throat with one big hand and shook him slightly. "Get on me, fuck this dick!" he commanded. Nick gasped, hardly able to breathe, his own dick rock hard and flat against his stomach as he met Kevin's fast, angry thrusts, his insides burning. "Kev, I can't- I can't-" Nick groaned, gasping for air, but incredibly excited by the sensation of Kevin's hand on his neck, Kevin's other hand grabbing his hip painfully and thrusting him down harder on Kevin's dick. "Oh God," Kevin groaned, shutting his eyes in pleasure as he shot his cum up into Nick's tight ass. He let go of Nick's neck and went to grab Nick's other hip, but Nick lost his balance, gasping and panting for oxygen, and they both tumbled off the couch and on to the floor.
Kevin lay on top of Nick, breathing hard and feeling his cock reaching another full erection, still inside Nick's ass. "Oh God," Nick moaned, wrapping his legs around Kevin's body and squeezing him close. "I think I'm gonna puke..." "If you throw up, I'll kill you," Kevin said, and he raised himself up on his elbows and looked Nick in the face to see if he was actually going to be sick. "I feel so dizzy," Nick moaned again, and he buried his head on Kevin's shoulder. Kevin shut his eyes and began to pump his hard dick in and out of Nick, taking his time and letting every part of his body enjoy the sensations. Nick felt very disoriented and sick, vaguely aware that his ass was being punished and his throat was bruised, and he waited for Kevin to cum again, fading in and out of consciousness. "Please baby," Nick said, stroking Kevin's back, "cum for me baby..." Kevin sensed Nick's lack of enthusiasm and pumped harder, but the magic was gone, and he didn't come any nearer to orgasm. He pulled his dick out and kissed Nick softly on the lips. "I'm sorry," Kevin said. "What's wrong," Nick mumbled. "You're really drunk, you should go to bed," Kevin said, smoothing Nick's damp hair back. "No, it's okay," Nick said, and he trembled involuntarily. "It's cold lying on this floor," Kevin said tenderly, "and your ass is naked." "No, don't go," Nick said. His eyes were shut, but Kevin saw the tear slide down his cheek. "Baby, it's okay," Kevin said, "come on, I'll help you go lie down." "I don't want you to go," Nick sobbed. "I'm not leaving," Kevin said, and he helped the young blond up and over to the bed. He lay down beside Nick and cuddled him in his arms. "It's okay Nicky, stop crying." "Don't leave me," Nick repeated. "I won't, baby." Kevin stayed until Nick was asleep, and then he gathered his things and left.