Changes

"CHANGES"

Please do not read if you are offended by gay themes. This story will feature a mixture of "real" and fictional characters, some of them gay, some of them straight, and some of them somewhere in the middle. There will be explicit sex of all varieties. Also, please remember that this is a work of fiction and does not imply anything about the personalities, habits or sexual orientations of any "real life" people used as characters in the story. This story will focus primarily on the Backstreet Boys, although other celebrities may be incorporated into some of the storylines.

• PLEASE NOTE *

This story is set in the near future, approximately one year after the American "Millennium" tour ends.

CHAPTER ONE

"Are you ready yet?" "Kev, I said just a minute." "It's been a minute, Bri." "Just chill for five, okay?" Kevin groaned and leaned up against the wall, shoving his hands into the pockets of his loose-fitting jacket and rolling his head against the lightly raised texture of the hotel wallpaper. They'd arrived in New York the day before and were headed to the MTV Studios at Times Square for interviews and a performance taping. After almost a year's hiatus, the five Backstreet Boys would all be gathering in the city to work out the song list and choreography for the European tour. It was a bit of a half-assed deal for their fans on the Continent, since they had only released one new song as a group, but at least they would have new arrangements of some of the older songs and the hits from their solo ventures. There was also a certain amount of unspoken trepidation about how they would come together again as a group after spending such a long time apart. They had spent so long together, in close quarters on tour buses and trapped in hotel rooms, that it was simultaneously thrilling and frightening to have been so long apart.

"Well, you look really fucking beautiful." "Language, Boo." Kevin just shook his head, smiling, and held the door open for his cousin Brian. He was rather vain and had spent far too long admiring himself in the mirror and making sure that his short, curly hair was aligned just the way he wanted it. Of course, professional make-up artists would be fiddling with their facial features and hair before any cameras rolled. But Brian wanted to look his best for the limo driver and the receptionist and the gaggle of fans craning their necks for a glimpse of the Kentucky cousins. He was like that anyway, and particularly today, because it wasn't just a Littrell/Richardson thing any more. They were representing the Backstreet Boys, the whole group, starting up the media excitement for a new album after the European tour, followed no doubt by a series of high profile music videos, a North American tour, perhaps some industry awards. Brian had a good head on his shoulders, even though you wouldn't know it some of the time. Kevin stretched out in the limo and waved regally at a few over-eager fans who broke through a police line and began rapping on the windows of the car.

"B-Rok, I love you!" Brian grinned at the screaming teenager and gave her a little waggle of his fingers which she would probably never forget. A brush with fame; recognition. The face on her bedroom wall came alive and saw her. Kevin and Brian had played a brief circuit of smaller venues supporting their album together, "Keepin' it Real." They played guitar and piano with a small back-up band and a much more low-key show. No light shows, no dance numbers, just heartfelt ballads and a few mellow new arrangements of Backstreet numbers like "Back to Your Heart" and "The One." It was quite different from the tour Nick had been on in Europe and Asia supporting his solo album, aptly titled "The Other Side." Nick's tour sold to a younger market and featured choreographed dance numbers, costume changes, and guest appearances from other famous singers like Justin Timberlake and Monica. Meanwhile, Nick's younger brother Aaron served as the opening act. Their mother Jane had been on the road with them, and part of Brian thought this was a good idea. After all, Nick loved Aaron and he'd put on a happy face for him. But the other part of Brian knew that his parents were a big part of what Nick tried so hard to run away from. So he wasn't surprised to hear from Tommy, the Backstreet band keyboardist who'd gone on the Carter brothers tour, that Nick's drinking had only gotten worse and that Jane seemed cheerfully oblivious to the problem.

Nick had been very much on Brian's mind, particularly since catching up with Tommy at the Hard Rock Cafe the night before, but Brian was soon busy getting made up and flattered by hangers-on and wannabes who populated the MTV studios. "Can I get you something?" "Would you sign this for me? It's for my niece." "What was your inspiration to write 'My Dear'? Is it about your religious beliefs?" "Have you seen A.J. yet?" This last question caused Brian to look up from his sandwich. "No, he's getting in tomorrow." I hope. A.J. was a whole other story. Meanwhile, Howie had arrived and was chatting with the host of TRL, Carson Daly, and a few of the MTV News talking heads. Howie had been the lowest profile Backstreet Boy during their hiatus. He'd guested on a track put out by R Kelly, but otherwise had occupied himself by marrying his girlfriend Maria, who was now expecting the first "Backstreet, Next Generation." The three Backstreet Boys were doing all the early press before A.J. and Nick arrived. This was not a coincidence.

Clive and Lorna had sat them down to go over some important details the day before. Certain things to try and mention, certain things to try and avoid. A.J. had been hosting a show on MTV called "Crazy Kool" and garnering not a small amount of controversy with some of the skits and monologues he'd included. MTV had been greatly relieved to find out that A.J. was only doing the show during the Backstreet hiatus and intended to drop it entirely once they gathered to prepare for the new tour. The show was too popular to cancel, and they had enough trouble trying to censor it without public protests. In the meantime, A.J. had also released a solo album, but he hadn't toured with it, only doing two videos and a 40 minute home video with "making of" footage and an interview. And a skit from "Crazy Kool" that hadn't made it past the censors, involving two gay men and a pet store. The press hadn't been too kind to A.J., or to Nick for that matter, while the buzz about "Keepin' it Real" was generally more positive than anything the Backstreet Boys had received. It was hard for the critics to stomach the fact that such a wildly popular and "manufactured" group of pretty white boys were also talented singers and songwriters.

"Band meeting tomorrow?" Howie had finished the interviews for MTV News, which went reasonably well since they had been primed for which questions the Boys would and would not be answering. He was done for the day, although Kevin and Brian had been pestering him to join in on the taping they were doing of two songs from "Keepin' it Real." Howie had politely declined; he had a great-aunt to meet, and as soon as the other Backstreet Boys got to New York, his life as a "private citizen" would end. "Supposedly," Kevin said. "A.J. gets in at ten, Nick at noon. They'll probably both crash for the afternoon. So we were thinking of getting something catered tomorrow evening, say seven-thirty." "Just your hotel suite?" "Yeah, just the brothers, then Clive and Lorna and whoever they are bringing get there later." "Cool." Howie nodded, and then stood there for a minute as though he had something else to say. "You know..." He squinted at Kevin thoughtfully. "Am I the only one who feels a little weird?" Kevin laughed. "No, man. Definitely not. B-Rok and I were just talking about that this morning. It's going to be like we're regressing or something." "Scary," Howie laughed. "Okay man, good show tonight." "Thanks. Say hi to your Aunt Whatserface." "Lila." "Didn't I say that?" They slapped each other on the back and parted ways.

"Hey Bri. Are you okay?" "Me? Oh... Yeah. Yeah, of course." Brian shook his head. He had been standing with his hand on a window ledge staring out blankly at the next building. "Okay, well, we're just waiting on the last soundcheck and then we're good to go." "Cool, I'll be right there." Kevin, who always liked to be the person supervising and delegating tasks, went off to see how the crew was setting up the stage. Brian slipped back into his daydream, wanting to spend just a few more minutes with Nick, even if it was just in his mind. He was picturing a perfect reunion. Nick looked hot, he looked thin and his hair was cut nicely, he was dressed up, maybe wearing those frames he liked to put on so that people didn't treat him like a dumb Barbie boy. He gave Brian a bright smile and hugged him. "Man, I missed you so much!" "Aaaah! Nicky Gene!" They burst out laughing, and then they looked into each other's eyes, it was deep there, spiritual, meaningful. Brian could remember what it was like to kiss him, to feel Nick's tongue slip into his mouth, like a sexual jolt to his system, Nick's big hands squeezing his waist and sliding over his ass, pushing his hips into Brian's. "Do you forgive me, Frick?" How could anybody not forgive such a beautiful face, big blue eyes, pouting lips, innocent and sexual at the same time, Brian ruffled Nick's hair and grinned at him while he shook his head "no." The blue eyes opened wider still and seemed wounded. "I'm kidding, you ass." "'Cos I do love you Brian, I was dumb, I acted like a jerk... I feel so bad..." "I know, shh. Forget it." "I didn't mean-" "Nick, shut the fuck up. And kiss me."

"Uh, Brian? We're ready. Are you high?" Kevin was poking his cousin's arm painfully. "Whoah, sorry, I was just totally spacing out." "That would be obvious." Brian tried to laugh it off as he followed Kevin quickly to the studio. "I haven't been getting enough sleep, Kev. I'm falling asleep standing up." "Not a great idea right before we get down to serious work." Of course Kevin would say something like that. Yes mother. "I mean it Bri. You should have made yourself get enough sleep while you could." "Boo my love, just drop it. Okay?" "Well, I just think that wasn't every good planning on your part." Kevin continued bitching at Brian, who was fiddling with his guitar even though it had already been tuned. If he didn't focus completely on the task at hand, he drifted back to Nick. To his fantasy, which he knew would bear no relation to the inevitable real reunion. It was just so easy to dream when reality was far away.

CHAPTER TWO

"Nice shirt, A.J." "Ya think?" A.J. beamed at Kevin. "What about the hat? Do you like the hat?" "Also very nice. Very classy. Understated." A.J. was wearing a "Crazy Kool" t-shirt with two nude cartoon figures with enormous genitalia along with a "Crazy Kool" hat with a plastic spinner on the top. "I like to think of myself as a modern sophisticate," A.J. said, "a philosopher-king." He stabbed out his cigarette in the sink and ran some water after tossing the butt into the toilet. "There, no stink." He ambled back into the large main room and picked at the hors d'ouevres that were set out. Howie came in and they began chatting to catch up a bit. "So did you find out if it's gonna be a boy 'D'oh' or a girl 'D'oh'?" Howie shook his head with an easy smile. "Don't know yet. It seems kind of weird to know in advance." "Superstitious, like you're going to curse it or something." "Yeah." A.J. nodded and licked chocolate off his fingers. "I can see that. But I mean, don't you do ultrasounds and stuff? I mean, if it's a boy, you're gonna see his pecker." Howie laughed. "We haven't done an ultrasound at the pecker stage." "Uh? Okay." A.J. shrugged. "I'm sure your pecker formed before your brain, right?" Howie said with a silly grin. "I see why they call you Sweet D," A.J. said drily. "Speaking of sweet, where are the butt buddies?" "Hmm, good question," Howie said. They both laughed as Kevin rejoined them. "What's so funny?" "Brian and Nick. Who needs soap operas." Kevin sighed. "Not here yet?" "Nope."

Brian had forced himself to go and knock on Nick's door. He just didn't want to have to see him for the first time with everybody else there. "Nickolas?" "Who's it?" The voice sounded mumbled. Brian stared at the doorknob. He realised at that moment just how uncomfortable he felt. Nick didn't love him. Nick probably didn't even want anything to do with him. They had grown apart. They could never go back to being Frick and Frack, the world's silliest best friends, but they couldn't be mature lovers, either. They were left with just memories, and at least on Brian's side, daydreams about the way things could have been. He's probably going out with somebody. I should too. I should have found somebody this summer instead of just focusing on work. What am I doing standing out here? Why didn't I just meet him along with everybody else? Why am I making a big deal out of this? I'm building it up to something big, just to make it worse when I fall. Why do I do this to myself? Finally, the doorknob turned. Nick was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants and his hair was amusingly messy. He looked like he'd been napping. He rubbed his head and looked at Brian dully. "Hey."

"Long flight, bro?" "Uh huh." Nick walked slowly back into the room and sat down on the edge of his bed. Brian's eyes widened when he saw that Nick had apparently been sleeping with a stuffed animal. That was just too fucking hilarious. But he managed to keep from commenting on it, at least for the time being. "What time is it?" "It's seven forty-five," Brian said. "We're supposed to meet now at Kevin's room." "Shit," Nick groaned. He looked over and noticed that the stuffed koala bear was in plain sight, and tried to casually shift the blanket to hide it. "Well, I have to get dressed and stuff," Nick said. "I just wanted to say hi and ... well, you know, just make sure you were okay and all." Brian felt like an idiot sitting there in the dark. "Oh," Nick said. That was all he said in response. Just "oh." Brian got up awkwardly. "So, see you in a few." He rushed out of the room and then stood outside of Kevin's room to gather his thoughts before returning to the fold. Nick sat in the dark, having no desire whatsoever to socialise with the rest of the group. He picked up the koala bear and sighed at it. "Why am I even here?" Nick asked the toy. "I shouldn't have come back."

Brian stood in the hallway, letting his heart rate return to its normal pace. Well, it didn't bear much resemblance to his fantasy reunion. On the other hand, it could have been worse. Nick could have been in bed with some guy, drunk off his ass, and say something like, "hey Brian, come join us... I told him you give awesome head!" Come to think of it, Brian said, managing somehow to smile at his own ridiculousness, that did really happen.

"Sleeping beauty not going to join us?" A.J. asked. He was majorly pigging out for some reason, and half-wondering if he ought to chill with the chow so that he could get a good buzz going later that night. But the shrimp was just so damn good! "He's coming," Brian said. Kevin gave him a look, but didn't press the issue. "Well, I guess we'll give him another five minutes and then we have to start going over the song list." Brian rolled his eyes. He just couldn't help it. Spending too much time with Kevin, without the buffer of the other three guys, had really proved to him just how irritating and bossy Kevin could be. Brian preferred to be spontaneous; that was part of what made life fun for him. Kevin acted like you needed to plan out every trip to the bathroom to take a piss. "Alexander James, are you eating for two?" Howie grinned at his band brother, who was piling up another plate of food. "I don't know, man," A.J. laughed, "maybe I got one of those worms in my stomach that makes me hungry all the time. I've been eating everything in sight." "At least you're not showing yet." "Ah, shadddup..."

Nick made his grand appearance some twenty minutes later and when he did, everybody stopped talking. It was just a coincidence, but once it had gotten so quiet, nobody wanted to start up talking again afterwards. So Nick came all the way over to the table of food and started putting stuff on a plate before anybody said a word. He was wearing slim- fitting black pants, a matching black jacket, and the glasses that Brian had pictured in his daydream. His hair was neatly brushed back from his face. But the tall blond had bags under his eyes and looked a bit flushed. "You look like a gay school teacher," A.J. said. "Oh, thanks," Nick smiled, with food in his mouth. "I love you too. You look like a fucking carnie." "A what?" Kevin asked. "A freak at the state fair," Howie threw in helpfully. "Hey, I resemble that remark," A.J. said, holding out his arms before himself and checking out his tattoos. "How ya been, man?" He slapped Nick on the back. "Uh, okay I guess," Nick said, shoving food into his face in a rather classless manner. He picked up a glass of champagne and tossed it back with one gulp. Brian got up and walked over to sit with Howie on one of the overstuffed couches. He didn't particularly want to watch Nick cram food and alcohol into his body.

"So, are we ready to go?" Howie asked cheerfully. He had been like June Cleaver ever since the day before and it was frankly starting to get on Brian's nerves. Everything was not sunshine and lollipops. Was he the only one who could see it? A.J. was bragging about his sexual exploits on vacation in Barbados, where he had been right before New York. "I was such a star, baby," he said in an English accent. "I think they're going to put up a statue in my honour. Name a street for me. Or at least put me on a stamp." Brian stared at his plate of food. It didn't seem very appealing. Kevin tapped the papers he had in his hands so that they were lined up with each other. God, Brian thought, you are so fucking anal. Howie hopped up. "Can I get either of you another drink?" Wow, he really is June fucking Cleaver, Brian thought. Maybe if I squint, I'll see that he is actually wearing an apron. He turned his head slightly when he heard Nick's voice again.

"Yeah, I saw a whole new side to Asia." "Did you go whoring?" A.J. teased. "Uh..." Nick giggled and when Brian looked over, he was drinking more champagne. Brian turned back to stare at his food again. I'm not going to watch, and count how many glasses he's had. I'm not his fucking babysitter. "You did go whoring!" A.J. said triumphantly. "And you wonder why people thought his show was offensive," Howie said with a broad smile. Kevin turned around and waved at the two party boys irritably. "Come on you two, take the food over here and let's go over the song list." Brian rubbed his temples. He was in a black mood, and developing a vicious headache just to cap it off perfectly. Nick came and sat on the other side of Brian. "Hey," he said again, but this time he said it with a sweet, bland looking smile. Of course he's smiling now, Brian thought to himself, because he's drinking. Knowing Nick, he had a few drinks in his room before he even came over here.

Brian hadn't said anything in response, and the next time he looked over at Nick, in the middle of Kevin droning on and on about why they were going to include such and such song, and not going to include such and such other song, he saw that Nick had a sad look on his face, and in fact, he even had tears in his eyes. "Nick, is that okay with you?" Kevin was saying. "Huh? What?" Nick looked very disoriented. "Did you hear what I just said?" Kevin asked irritably. "No..." Nick put his hand to his forehead and swayed a bit on the couch. "Are you drunk?" Kevin looked incredulous. "No, no, I'm not," Nick whined. He rubbed his head. "I'm on fucking Japan time. Give me a fucking break, okay?" "It is the other side of the world," Howie said with a twinkle in his eyes, indicating that he was actually teasing Nick, even though he figured Nick wouldn't realise it. Of course, A.J. ruined his perfect joke by singing two lines from Nick's song, "Other side of the world, we're moving far apart, gi-irl..." Nick made a face. "Fuck you," he said. It wasn't entirely clear who he was saying it to, or if it was just meant for all of them.

Nick grabbed his plate of food and started stabbing at a piece of canteloupe with his fork. "Well, I was just saying that we think you can do 'Losing You' as a solo, but we'll do the group arrangement for 'Lonely Nights' and ... uh, 'Other Side'..." "Fine," Nick said to his canteloupe slice before cramming it into his mouth. He didn't say a word for the rest of the song list discussion, and occupied himself getting his glass of champagne refilled by the catering staff. Kevin hadn't finished his spiel when Lorna and Clive arrived with two people in tow nobody recognised. Brian looked quickly at Nick. His eyes were bloodshot behind his glasses, and he seemed dizzy and miserable. "Maybe we should get you back to your room," Brian whispered in his ear. Nick nodded. Brian signalled to Kevin and had him lean over. "I'm going to put Nick to bed, he's drunk." "I noticed," Kevin said. "I think he was drunk when he got here. I'm going to go meet these new people." Kevin got up quickly and tapped Howie and A.J. to follow him to the food table.

Brian tried to help Nick get up and get out of there as inconspicuously as possible. He was good and loaded, and it was a long walk down the hallway to his room. "God, you weigh a ton," Brian said as he tried to get Nick's key card out of his jacket pocket. "Where is it?" "Mmm, dunno," Nick said stupidly. "Maybe it's in my pants." Brian groaned and did his best to put his hand into the front pocket of Nick's trousers without groping him. Nick didn't seem to notice particularly. Finally Brian got the door open and Nick stumbled over to the bed and lay down, snatching up his stuffed koala and cuddling it to his chest. "Come on, let me take your glasses off," Brian said, trying to turn Nick over partway. "No, don't," Nick whined. "Nick, you're going to get a really weird bruise on your face if you sleep wearing them," Brian laughed. "Why don't you like them?" "I do like them, they're great," Brian said agreeably. He set the glasses down on the night table and took Nick's shoes off for him. "What about this?" Brian said, tugging at the bear. "Stop, Brian, leave me alone," Nick mumbled.

Brian stroked Nick's hair as the younger man drifted into a heavy sleep, his breath laboured and his skin moist with a light covering of sweat. "I missed you so much," Brian said. "I missed you before you even left. I miss Nicky." Brian knew that it would look bad if he didn't rejoin the party, but he just couldn't. Instead, he sat there stroking Nick's hair and his cheek, gazing at him, and finally left him there, closing the door gently behind him. They had a lot of work to do before heading to Europe.