Chameleon 14
Chameleon
By Mickey S
If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. This is a fictional story and all characters and events are a figment of the author's imagination. My thanks to Tim and Drew for all of their help. The author retains all rights. No reproductions are allowed without the author's consent. Comments are appreciated at NJMcMick@yahoo.com.
Chapter 14
For most of the ride home from the city I was quiet, feeling a little displaced. Although I'd given a lot of thought to the move back to the farm and knew it was the right choice, now that it was happening, I was on edge. I'd made arrangements with the super in my building to let the movers into my apartment and oversee them as they took away all of my furniture and the packed belongings that we hadn't been able to fit in the pickup, so I would never have to go back there. The door was officially closed on my life in the city. I was beginning a new chapter in my life and even though life on the farm was familiar to me, I was a bit nervous about my future.
I was uncertain about this budding relationship with Declan, too. The whole concept of relationships was a great unknown to me, and I hadn't a clue where we were going. It helped that I was comfortable around him. In spite of what we'd decided about postponing sex, there was still a bit of sexual tension, but at least we didn't have that pressure of strangers trying to get to know one another to see if we really wanted to pursue something. We already knew enough to know we liked each other.
Declan must have sensed my mood because he was also quiet on the ride. Or maybe he was having nervous thoughts as well. While sitting at a red light in Franklin I stole a glance at him. He was staring straight ahead and looked lost in thought. He must have sensed my eyes on him because after a few seconds he turned his head toward me and smiled. I instantly boned up. He could probably make me come in my pants with those blue eyes and that perfect smile if he wanted to.
"Say, how'd you like to stop in and check on Thelma and Louise? We've got time and we're nearly there," I suggested as we started up again.
"No," he responded rather abruptly. "My neighbor is going to feed and walk them. Stopping in for only a minute or two would just confuse them."
"Well, we could linger a bit and make it more than a minute. We could make out a little, maybe have a little afternoon delight."
"You've got sex on the brain, Willson. You know we've decided that's not gonna happen yet."
"No harm in dreaming."
We were both quiet again as we passed through Hamburg. We were nearly in Sussex when Declan spoke again.
"Sex is important to you, isn't it?"
Shit! I'd pushed a little too hard and screwed things up, coming off as a sex maniac or at the very least someone who cared more about sex than relationships.
"I'm not sure I know what you mean by important."
"Well, what role does sex play in your life?"
Usually a paycheck, but I couldn't very well say that.
"Physical pleasure, I guess. That doesn't mean it's important, though. It's just fun. What about you?"
"Well, I can certainly relate to the physical pleasure side of sex. But having been in a serious relationship I'd have to say that the real value of sex is the way it can connect two people emotionally. It's so much deeper than just the physical. It's sort of the completion of an emotional connection."
"I've never experienced that although I hope to."
"I hope to again as well. And that's why I want us to wait. Because I want it to be more than just fun."
"Same here, Declan. Look, I don't want you to think I'm taking this lightly, that I don't want something meaningful. I'm just new to all of this and don't really know what I'm doing so I need you to lead the way. If I push too hard or too fast, slow me down, but don't give up on me."
"Don't worry about that. As long as I know we're both trying to get to the same place I'll use what experience I have to get us there."
When we got to the farm I backed the truck up to the shed. I had a lot of work to do to turn the second floor of the house into my personal space so in the meantime all my stuff would be stored in the shed. We'd just started to unload the truck when Aunt Mary came out the back door and approached us.
"Good timing, boys. Dinner will be on the table in about half an hour."
"We should be done by then. Are the men watching a ball game while you're slaving away in the kitchen?"
"They were but I put them to work in the barn. Frank's tending to the cows and Sam is helping him."
"Getting in the way is more like it." I muttered.
"Now Silas, don't be mean. You know Sam doesn't like feeling useless."
"I'm just teasing, Mary. He can still drain an udder with the best of them. I'm glad he's feeling up to it. That's been happening less and less lately."
"Aside from his physical problems, this is the best I've seen him in quite a while, Silas. He's really glad to have you home no matter what he says."
When I'd decided to make my move to the farm permanent, one of Dad's offers was that I could make over the house into whatever kind of living space I wanted. While I hadn't had time to think about that too much (besides, the gay decorating gene had passed me by) I had to make some changes right away. The movers would be bringing my furniture in a week and I had to make room for it. Downstairs was easy. The dining room set and a couple of small pieces of furniture in the living room were genuine antiques, having belonged to my great-grandparents, so they would stay. But the couch was over forty years old and getting pretty shabby, so the one from my apartment would take its place.
Upstairs would take a little more shuffling around. My parents' bedroom furniture was of very good quality so I wanted to keep it. But while I wanted to move into their large room, I couldn't imagine sleeping alone, much less with Declan, in their bed. The furniture in the other two bedrooms wasn't as good so I decided to get rid of Barbara's and move Mom and Dad's stuff into her room. I had arranged for a second-hand store to send a truck at the end of the month for all of the stuff I didn't want but until then it would all go in the barn.
The Sunday after our trip into the city Declan came over to help move the furniture around. When I'd first arrived at the farm in the spring Barbara's room had been a bit of a shrine, frozen in time like my own. But I'd packed away all of her personal possessions and clothes before Teddy had arrived so emptying the room was just a matter of moving the furniture across the road to the barn. Dad sat on the front porch and watched (and supervised) as Declan and I got to work.
We'd moved the smaller pieces and were taking apart the bed when we heard voices out in the front yard. I assumed that Frank and/or Mary had come by but when we carried the headboard downstairs Dad was alone on the porch. Walking down the road away from us were two couples, one young and one older, the younger man pushing a baby carriage.
"Anybody I know, Dad?"
"Nope, I don't know them either. The young folks live in one of those big boxes in that subdivision on Miller's farm. The older ones are her parents, out from the city for the weekend. I invited them to stop by for something cold to drink on the way back from their walk."
"There's a pitcher of iced tea in the fridge. That'll have to do unless it's a long enough walk that Declan and I are done by then."
"Don't worry, I'll take care of it."
"Yeah, sure," I said to Declan as we carried the headboard across the road. "Dad much prefers the talking part of being a host."
Before we went back upstairs I went into the kitchen and got a few things out - a bag of chips in a large bowl, a box of crackers and a block of Jarlsberg cheese on a platter, an ice bucket and a tray of glasses. I'd just made the tea that morning so I knew there was a full pitcher. That would have to do until Declan and I were done.
For mid-August it wasn't an especially hot day but upstairs it was a good fifteen degrees warmer than outside, so we were working shirtless. Watching Declan's smooth muscular torso made the work much more pleasurable. By the time we were done we were both covered with sweat, making him look even sexier. We were moving the last piece of furniture when the sound of voices came up the stairs.
"You boys about done up there?" Dad called up.
"We just have to clean up a little and we'll be right down." I replied. I grabbed a towel from the linen closet, handed it to Declan and pointed him into the bathroom. "You go first. Make it quick."
"We could save time and shower together." He surprised me with the suggestion.
"That wouldn't save any time at all, babe. In fact, we might not get downstairs before dark."
"I wouldn't mind, but I suppose it would be rude."
He disappeared behind the bathroom door and a few seconds later I heard the shower. Declan was a couple of inches shorter than me and built slightly smaller but I figured my clothes weren't so big they'd fall off him, so I laid out two sets of cargo shorts, boxers and polo shirts. He came into my room with just a towel tied around his waist.
"Since you're done first you get to choose your clothes," I pointed to the bed.
"Hmm, I think maybe I'll have to go commando. I'd probably be hard all afternoon wearing your underwear."
"And I'll be hard all afternoon knowing you're free-balling."
"Tough choice. I think I'll go with you hard. I don't want to embarrass myself in front of your dad's new friends. Now get in the shower before I take off this towel or we'll be up here all day."
Having that little exchange while looking at Declan practically naked was enough to make me hard before I even got into the shower. This time it had been Declan who'd started the sex talk so not only didn't I feel guilty I was thrilled. Once I'd soaped up it only took a minute of stroking to bring myself to a climax. That was no guarantee that seeing Declan in my clothes wouldn't get me hard again, but it was the best I could do.
Declan was on the porch with Dad and his guests when I came downstairs. He was sitting closest to the door and he looked so good I couldn't take my eyes off him, although I knew it was rude to ignore the guests. The blue shirt he'd picked made his eyes appear even more intense than usual and I almost lost myself in them. Dad performed the introductions and I had to force myself to pay attention.
"About time you got out here. Folks, this is my son, Silas. Let's see if I get this right, now. Silas, this is John and Beth Reeves. And Beth's parents, Paul and Marie Ramsey."
My eyes circled the porch as Dad introduced everyone, and when they got to the older man my knees buckled slightly before Dad even mentioned his name. It was my former client, PDB, the Pillsbury Dough Boy. I quickly recovered, noticing PDB's reaction was worse than mine. His mouth fell open and even though his complexion was normally quite pale he was noticeably ashen. I tried to cover up by turning toward the younger couple and focusing on the baby the young woman was holding.
"And who is this?"
"This is Kaitlyn." The proud momma turned her so I could get a good look at her. And even though I had zero experience with babies and liked it that way, I made a huge fuss over her while my heart recovered from the shock of finding one of my clients on my front porch, chatting with my father and boyfriend.
Finally calmed down, I shook hands with the other adults, saving PDB for last.
"Silas, huh?" He'd recovered as well but there was a worried look in his eyes as we shook hands. I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring look.
"Yeah, it's an old family name."
For once I was glad that Dad monopolized the conversation, as I really didn't know what to say. I sipped my iced tea, wishing it was something stronger. After a while I announced I was going to make myself a drink and asked if anyone else wanted one. PDB practically jumped up and offered to help. I thought Declan was going to get up and go in the house with us, but as I rose I gave his shoulder a squeeze, at the same time holding him in his seat. He'd been giving me funny looks ever since I'd come out onto the porch but he stayed put while PDB and I went into the house.
"Please, don't say anything that will give me away," he begged as we got to the kitchen.
"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. My dad knows about my career but I don't want him to know any of my clients. And Declan knows nothing and I'd like to keep it that way."
"Same with Marie. Damn, what are the odds of meeting you like this?"
"Astronomical. But now that we know we're not going to give each other away we can relax."
"I would have never guessed you were from a place like this, although you really looked good in that last set of pictures they had on the web site. I assume they were taken here."
"Yeah, they were. You're not the only one who was surprised to find out I grew up a farm boy. My best friend was blown away when she saw the place."
"Is that handsome young man on the porch your boyfriend?"
"We're working on it. We knew each other slightly in high school and since I've been back we've started seeing each other."
"He's adorable and you make a great-looking couple. Is he the reason why you're no longer with Dream Dates?"
"Partly, plus it was past time for me to move on to something more real."
"Any idea what that might be?"
"Believe it or not, dairy farming seems to be it. I've looked into a hundred other things and now that I'm back where I started I've found that my heart never really left here."
"What's holding up the drinks in there?" Dad shouted down the hall from the front of the house.
"Take it easy, old man! We'll be right there."
I handed Paul (I really had to stop thinking of him as PDB) the bottle of Jack Daniels and put several short glasses on a tray. Reassured by our brief conversation and with the help of a little Jack on the rocks, I was able to relax and enjoy the rest of the time the Ramseys and Reeves spent visiting.
They left about an hour later and Dad, having used more energy than in quite a while, lay down for a nap while Declan and I prepared dinner. I lit some charcoal in the grill and then we went into the kitchen to make a salad and prepare some veggies.
"Are you okay, Silas?" He had that same puzzled look he'd been giving me most of the afternoon.
"Sure, what do you mean?"
"Well, when you first came out onto the porch you looked like you were gonna pass out. And then you were acting pretty out of it for quite a while."
"I think maybe it was moving all that furniture in the heat. Even after a shower I felt a little light-headed when I came downstairs."
"Are you feeling okay now?"
"Yep, whatever it was passed. Now I feel nearly as great as you look."
Declan smiled, wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close.
"Compliments will get you anywhere," he murmured in my ear. I could feel a hardening lump in his shorts pressing my hip.
"I'll keep that in mind, though giving you compliments doesn't require any thought at all. All I have to do is look at you."
"Mmm." He nibbled on my ear lobe. "You're pretty easy on the eyes yourself."
"Y'know, I'm beginning to think you're a big tease."
"Moi? Why would you say that?"
"Maybe it's your hot breath in my ear. Or that woody you've got digging into my hip. Or that hand grabbing my ass. All with my old man snoring away in the next room."
"Well, given our decision to put off actual sex, a chaperone is in order, don't you think?"
"Actually, I was thinking we might want to re-visit that decision soon."
"I was thinking along those lines myself. Maybe we were wrong to think that sex would get in the way of developing a relationship."
I pushed Declan away, just a bit.
"You mean that?"
"Yeah, but much as I'd love to go upstairs right now and fuck our brains out, I don't really mean right now. But sooner rather than later, if that's okay with you."
"That's way more than okay with me."
Later that night, after Declan had gone home and Dad had gone to bed, I called Livy and told her about my meeting with PDB.
"I can't believe that in all the years I lived in New York I never once ran into a client, but now I walk out my front door in the country and one is sitting on my front porch with not only Dad and Declan, but his whole family as well."
"You're lucky his family was there or he might not have been as discreet as you needed him to be."
"Yeah, even though Dad knows about my old career I wouldn't want him to meet one of my old clients, especially one who's a lot closer to his age than mine."
"It would have been a lot more of a calamity if Declan had found out. Have you given any thought to telling him about your old job?"
"I've thought about it but I really don't see why it should be important. I mean, that's history now. He didn't know me then. He met me as a farm boy and now he knows me as a farmer, so what happened in between shouldn't matter."
"Shouldn't is the key word there. But that doesn't mean it wouldn't make a difference to him if he found out, especially if you weren't the one to tell him."
"There's only you and Dad who know and I don't think either one of you is going to say anything about it.'
"Don't forget your sister and nephew also know. And all of your old johns."
"You know I don't like it when you call them that. They were clients, or dates."
"Whatever, there have got to be hundreds of them. I'm sure no others are going to show up on your doorstep again, but who knows where you might run into one? And then there's the Internet. Just because Dream Dates has taken you off their web site doesn't mean those pics are gone. The Internet is forever, you know."
"It's highly unlikely Declan and I would run into another client anywhere or that he'd stumble across me while surfing the web, but you might be right about Barbara being a problem. Dad's health is failing and if something happened to him she and her family would be here for the funeral, and they're not feeling too kindly toward me these days."
"Have you talked to her lately?"
"No, not at all. She hasn't even called Dad to see how he's doing since he was in the hospital. But I don't want to talk about her. Do you really think I should tell Declan about the escort business?"
"Given my string of ex-girlfriends I'm probably not the best one to give advice, but I've always thought that honesty was pretty important in a relationship. I mean, it's not as if you'd occasionally turned a trick to make ends meet in a crisis. It was your life for twelve years, practically your whole adult life. So while it's your past it's a pretty huge part of your past."
"I know what you're saying and I pretty much agree, but it's just that things seem to be going so well with Declan lately. That's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about. Both last Sunday in my apartment and today moving furniture around, we worked well as a team. We're getting to know each other, getting along well. And in spite of our mutual vows of celibacy, things seem to be getting more and more sexual."
"Ooh, tell me more, but not too much."
"Relax, no real sex yet. But last week when I mentioned sex he acted like I was going too fast. By this week, he was the one bringing it up, so I guess that's progress."
"So you're afraid that by bringing up your past you'll not only kill the relationship but any chance to get into his pants as well."
"Pretty much."
"Well, you know he's not a prude. After all, he's spent the same twelve years as you, plus a few before that, sleeping his way through the male and female population of the New York metropolitan area. And he's got to know that as a gay man living in Chelsea you've been around the block a few times yourself. So he already knows you've got extensive sexual experience, as does he."
"The difference is that mine was mostly for pay. And that might be a huge difference."
"I'm not going to lie and say you're wrong. It might make a difference. But it might not. And I think the longer you go without telling him the worse it will be."
"And the more I'll be worrying about it. I guess you're right, I should tell him. But I'll have to find the right time."
"Just don't use that 'right time' excuse to put it off forever. And if he gives you any crap when you tell him, call me and I'll come out there and knock some sense into him."
"I knew there was a reason I chose a lesbian for my best friend."
By the time I got off the phone I'd made up my mind to tell Declan about my past the next time the two of us had some private time. I was nervous about the decision, but I knew it had to be done.
I made the mistake of talking to Dad about my plans over breakfast the next morning.
"Are you nuts? You two seem to be getting along great. Now you're going to spoil it by bringing up something like that?"
"I'm a little concerned about ruining things but I think it's important to be open and honest with him."
"Look, I was always honest with your mother, never cheated on her and never lied about anything important, but that doesn't mean I didn't hold back on some of the things I'd done before I met her. And I'm sure there were things she didn't tell me as well. It wasn't like we were deliberately keeping secrets from each other, but some things just didn't matter once they were past."
"I sort of agree with you, but as Livy pointed out, this wasn't just one wild night in my past. It was my livelihood for a dozen years. What am I supposed to do if he asks me about my years in public relations? Keep on lying to him?"
"If that's what it takes. It's not like you're still working that job."
"Do you really think telling him would ruin our relationship? You know Declan better than anyone I know."
Dad thought about it a minute.
"I know Declan's a good man. He's no prude but I don't know how he'd react to something like this. Talking from my knowledge of regular men, straight men, I mean, all I can say is that most guys would love to have the chance to go to bed with a high-priced hooker. They'd figure she had to be good and know something special to be worth all that money. But no way would any man I know want to marry one. A roll in the hay is one thing, but to lie there next to her night after night, wondering about all of the guys in her past, how you stack up against them, that's just not what any guy wants to go through."
"You really think it would make a difference to Declan?"
"I don't know, son. I wish I could tell you yes or no for sure. I do know you'd be taking a big chance if you told him. You've got to decide if it's worth the risk."
And here I thought I'd been making progress in knowing my own mind. But before I'd talked to Livy I was leaning against telling Declan, then she talked me into it, now Dad had nearly talked me out of it. But Dad was right. It was up to me. I knew the arguments for both sides. Now it was time for me to decide what was important in a relationship.
After cleaning up the breakfast dishes I wandered out to the pasture, trying to decide what to do. A couple of the cows looked up at me when I leaned on a fence post, but then went back to grazing. In my years in the city I'd never given much thought to a relationship. I figured one would probably come along sometime and until it did I couldn't imagine what it would be like. I was right about that, but now that a possible relationship was in front of me, I had no idea how to handle it or what to expect.
I knew I was crazy about Declan. It wasn't just his hot body or incredible eyes, although they drove me nuts with desire. It wasn't what he did, but what was behind it. I couldn't quite put my finger on specifics but it was who he was. In school it had just been lust and admiration of his popularity. Now that I knew him, it was so much deeper than that.
And I knew that if I had any hope of him feeling the same way toward me he had to know who I was. Being a prostitute for several years didn't define me, but what was behind it did, at least to some extent - my lack of self-awareness and eagerness to fit in and please others. Thinking rationally, those traits might be more of a reason for him to be turned off by me than dating for money. For a long time I didn't know what else to do so it was easy to go with the flow, but that was only part of it. Every now and then I had felt like I was really helping someone work out who they were, and that made me feel good. Maybe I could get Declan to understand that part of it as well as the paid sex.
So I had to tell him. If he really was the person I'd grown to like so much, maybe even love, he'd at least listen to me and give me a chance. As Dad said, he was a good man. I knew I was a good man too, but it was up to me to convince him of that.
TBC