Caution and Courage

CAUTION AND COURAGE

PART SIX

The Brighton made two more trips to and from Vietnam with Will and Billy aboard. Both young men were increasingly unhappy. Tending to their duties in the engine room was far from the adventure they had sought when enlisting in the Navy. Their days were filled with boredom and monotony. They could have tolerated that but another dilemma was far more troubling: they were constantly on guard to say or do nothing that would arouse suspicion. The slightest lapse of self-control, if noticed by any crew member, would result in rumors. Rumors would inflate to taunts. Taunts would become persecution. The inevitable consequence would be an investigation by the ship's command staff. The specter of being ejected from the Navy with a damning blotch on their record would be, in their minds, tragic. Billy worried most about the shame he would bring to his family. Will's primary concern (remembering Rod's finding only a waiter's job) centered on future employment opportunities. But the dominant source of dissatisfaction was the continuing proximity to the man he loved, the man with whom he wanted to show that love in intimate and intensely satisfying ways. So close. And yet so far away.

Two days before arriving back in San Diego on the second trip, Billy finished his shift in the engine room at midnight and immediately went to Will's bunk. "We gotta talk, Will. `Spose we can find a private spot?"

The urgency in Billy's tone and the look of desperation on his face was obvious so Will said, "Okay. What's wrong?"

"Ever'thin'! I need to talk to ya ... just TALK ... nothin' else."

They made their way to the stern of the ship, passing the night watch and casually saying, "Just getting some fresh air. Okay?"

The night watch grunted his approval and walked toward the bow.

After assuring they were alone, Billy said, "I'm gettin' to the point where I can't take it anymore. Bein' in the Navy might be okay for some but bein' stuck in the engine room ain't what I hankered for."

"It's a dull job," Will said. "But it's important to the ship and it's got to be done."

"I know that!" Billy huffed. "What's gnawin' at me ... what's eatin' me alive ... is not bein' with ya ... like I wanna be. And ya know what I mean. I see ya and I ache all over. When yur not around, yur all I can think about. Specially at night when I'm in bed trying to go to sleep. It's tearin' me apart, Will. What's just as bad is havin' to be cautious all the time. Bein' on guard less I say somethin' or look at ya funny. I can't take any more o' this caution stuff!"

"I know exactly how you feel," Will said. "I feel the same way about you. I want to be your partner in every sense of the word. But you know we can't ... as long as we're in the Navy. We've just got to hang in there for the time being."

"I wish it was that easy," Billy objected. "I'm tellin' ya that I'm `bout t' go looney!"

"I know how your feeling," Will said.. "I feel the same way. "Give me a couple of days. We'll be back in port. Maybe by then I can figure something out to solve both our problems."

<><><><><>

Just prior to arriving in San Diego, the ship's intercom broadcast the following. "Attention all hands. This is the Captain. I've been notified that all subsequent supplies to our troops in Vietnam will be delivered by C5 Galaxy aircraft. This will be the last voyage of the Brighton and she will remain in San Diego for the foreseeable future. Each crew member will be assigned to other ships as needed or will be given temporary shore duties until assignment to another ship. Each of you has my sincere appreciation for your service aboard the Brighton. I'm proud of your contributions and I wish you success in your future assignments. Upon disembarking in San Diego, you will report to Base HQ for further orders. Again, you have my gratitude for loyal service. That is all."

Both Will and Billy knew the implications of getting new assignments: they would most likely be separated. Both of them were devastated by the news. Although they were not able to share a bed on board ship, at least they could see and talk to each other. The mentally demanding task of constantly censoring their comments and actions might be less of a problem but the intolerable frustration of not being sexually intimate would continue. Neither lover was worried about his finding a new lover on another ship. Each was confident that he would be true to his partner. But the possibility that his partner might find another lover -- however remote it seemed to be -- crossed his mind. Only one thing was clear: they would have to discuss their possible separation. But they didn't have a chance to talk privately before reporting to Base Headquarters.

They had feared the worst and it happened. They would be separated. Will was being sent to Signalman School at Great Lakes Naval Station in Illinois for a month's training followed by assignment to a ship. Unlike the nomination for OCS, this was an order that could not be refused. (The job classification of Signalman would be phased out decades later, in 2004.) Billy's orders were to join the crew of the USS Altamont, a destroyer that would be departing San Diego in five days. The only bright spot in their assignments was that Will had ten days leave before the next training class was scheduled to begin and Billy had five days leave before shipping out on the Altamont. They would have a few days and nights together before parting ways for an indefinite but surely long time.

On their first day of leave it was just past noon when they returned to Balboa Park. Finding a secluded spot, they hugged, kissed, and professed their love for each other. Unsurprisingly, they both became aroused and pressed their hard cocks together. "It's been so long," Billy said. "I swear I got a gallon o' cum stored up to give ya."

"I do, too, Billy. But we can't do it here."

"DAMN!" Billy exclaimed. "There ya go with that caution stuff again."

"I've got a plan," Will said. "Remember that night on the bow of the ship when you said you couldn't take it anymore? I've thought about that a lot and realized that neither can I. I was fooling myself to think we could make it through a couple of years without each other. What I want more than anything is to be with you. Remember I asked for a little time to think of something? I've got an idea and I want to know what you think of it. Can we wait to make love long enough to hear my plan?"

"Sure `nuff. If'n it'll mean we can be together."

"Here's the deal. The first part is taking care of our immediate needs. We can ask Rod to let us stay with him for a few days. I'm pretty sure he would say yes. He was quite sincere when he said he'd be happy to put us up whenever we wanted. But we'll have to play it by ear if he asked for another threesome. We can either tell him no -- IF he asks -- or agree to it. But we should make it plain that we want to spend most of the time with each other. Is that okay with you? And do you want just you and me or would you be interested in having him join us a couple of times?"

Billy thought about that for several moments and then said, "What I want most is you! Maybe after a couple o' days we could ... ah ... pay our rent."

"Just what I thought you'd say. It's what I want, too ... to be with you as much as possible but have a little recreational sex if he wants to. Now here's the second part of my plan. I have no idea how you'll react to it. Somehow we let our secret out -- let the Navy know we're homosexual lovers. I haven't figured out the details of how to do that but it's a certainty that they'll kick us out. We'd then be civilians and together permanently."

"Sounds okay so far," Billy said thoughtfully. "But how we gonna do that?"

"I said I didn't know but we can figure that out later. Before you agree, I want to make sure you understand the consequences. You know that I don't give a shit about what my family thinks. But I know that you have a very close and loving relationship with your family. What will they think if you're kicked out of the Navy? How would you explain it to them? Would it jeopardize your relationships with parents and siblings that you love?"

"That's a hard one," Billy said with a frown. "But it's somethin' I've thought about a lot. Not bein' kicked out o' the Navy but tellin' em I'm queer. I gotta tell em sometime. Can't hardly live with ya and not rouse their suspicions, can I? They'll be disappointed. It'll hurt em somethin' terrible. But I'm hopin' they'll get over it. Sooner than later, too, cause they met ya and like ya. I haven't told ya this but they got me aside and said how pleased they was that I found a friend like y'all. So what I figure is this. I can tell em about me bein' queer and gettin' kicked out o' the Navy at the same time. The two things go hand in hand. Wait! No! That won't work. I gotta tell em in person, not in a letter or on the phone. I wanna be there to tell em I love `em and explain it ain't a sickness or a sin; it's what I am."

"That's a major problem with my plan, isn't it? I agree it's better to tell them in person but there's no chance for that if we're in California and they're in Michigan. We'll have to think about that some more. In the meantime, there's another risk. Remember what Rod said about his discharge? He denied being gay and he got an Undesirable Discharge Under Other Than Honorable Conditions.' But he thinks that another sailor was truthful and cooperative. His discharge was Under Honorable Conditions.' The fact is, we can't be sure of how they'll kick us out. We can be truthful and hope they don't give us an Undesirable Discharge. But it isn't guaranteed."

"True," Billy said. "But ya know what? I'm willin' to take the risk. I got no hope o' ever getting' a fancy job but you do. Ya got a lotta potential, Will. That bit about `Other Than Honorable' could really bite ya in the ass if'n ya try to get a decent job."

"I've thought about that," Will said. "I need to get more information. Maybe Rod can give us some advice. But let me say one more thing. Even if it's an Undesirable Discharge, it'll be worth it because you and I can be together. What do you say we go talk to Rod ... about staying with him a few days. Maybe he'll have some ideas about how to get out of the Navy with the least amount of damage?"

"Let's do it," Billy grinned. "'Cause I need some lovin'."

<><><><><>

"Hey guys!" Rod exclaimed as Will and Billy walked into the café that was empty since it was mid-afternoon. "Glad to see you. How's things going for you in the Navy?"

"So-so," Will replied enigmatically. "We've got a few days shore leave and were wondering if you were serious about visiting you again."

"Damn right!" Rod said. "You're welcome to stay in my guest room until you have to go back on board ... ah ... what's the name of your ship?"

"The Brighton," Will said. "Or at least it WAS. She's being mothballed and we're going to be assigned to different ships."

"Ships? Does that mean different ships?"

"'Fraid so," Billy moaned. "I'll be on the Altamont in five days. Will's goin' to Signal School for a month and then who knows where."

"Bummer, for sure," Rod said with a frown. "That means you'll be separated until your hitch is up. Rotten luck!"

"It is," Will agreed. "But maybe we can talk about that tonight. Right now, I'd like to ask a huge favor. Can Billy and I go to your house right away? We've been at sea for a long time and need some private time bad."

Rod's laugh was almost boisterous. "I get the meaning. I'll give you a key to the house but I have to warn you about something. I have a ... ah ... boyfriend. He's been staying with me for almost two weeks. He'll be there about six this evening ... and spend the night if you know what I mean."

"Does that mean you've found Mr. Right?" Will asked expectantly.

"Can't say for sure. Not yet, anyway. But it's definitely a possibility. Right now, I'm cautiously optimistic. And taking things slowly. Which reminds me. I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention what we did together. I'm not sure how he feels about threesomes. At least not yet."

"Don't worry, Rod. He won't hear it from us," Will said. "We both hope it'll work out for you,".

Rod's house was empty when Will and Billy arrived. They were hot and sweaty from carrying their duffle bags but couldn't delay reaching their goal by any trivialities like freshening up. They lost no time going straight to the guest room or frantically shedding their clothes. Their love making was almost ferocious, driven by weeks of frustrating celibacy at sea. Billy had exaggerated when he said he had a gallon of cum saved up for his lover but the intensity of their orgasms could not be overstated. Afterwards, they clung tightly to each other for a long time, melding their naked bodies into a single entity. Both were blissfully contented ... until they heard Rod come home and they hastily dressed.

"Sorry to interrupt your nap," Rod joked as he saw Billy and Will emerge from the guest room.

Billy blushed. There was no reason to because Rod knew what they had been doing and didn't care. Will, however, countered by saying, "Some nap! This sex fiend here was all over me." That caused Billy to gasp and sputter.

"It's your own damn fault," Rod grinned. "You've got a body and a cock that would tempt a celibate Saint. And if you didn't respond and attack your partner, you're a fool. I can tell you from experience he's got a very delicious cock -- a real mouthful. I couldn't take all of it."

Billy continued to be embarrassed but that didn't stop the joking exchange.

"Yeah," Will laughed. "But the best part is his balls. They deliver the sweetest nectar imaginable and don't seem to ever stop. I have to swallow three or four times so as not to waste any of it."

"STOP IT!" Billy exclaimed. "Yur talkin' `bout private stuff like it was nothin' more than the weather or somthin'."

Will detected irritation (Or was it anger?) in his lover's tone. He grabbed Billy in a hug and said, "Sorry, buddy. Maybe we took the joking a little too far. Forgive me?"

"Okay," Billy replied hesitantly. "But only `cause you mean so much to me."

Rod added his apologies. "I'm sorry, too, Billy. I have to admit that our joking was inappropriate. The loving bond you have is precious and shouldn't be made fun of. Truth of the matter is I envy your relationship with Will. It's not like what I have with my boyfriend, David. At least not yet. We're still in the early stages of building a relationship. Which reminds me. If he's around it's okay if we talk about being gay but the kind of joking we just did may upset him. So I'm asking that we not talk about sex when he's around. Of course it'll be obvious what we're doing in bed but I don't think he's ready to talk about with other people."

"I understand," Will replied. "We'll be good boys ... won't we, Billy."

"Sure `nuff," Billy agreed.

"Thanks, guys. David should be here about six or so. I'll get busy fixing supper."

"If you don't mind," Will said, "we'll take a shower so we'll be more presentable."

"ENJOY yourselves!" Rod grinned. "That is, I assume you'll be showering together."

The two lovers took a quick shower -- to give the appearance of simply getting washed -- but they were both hard and horny when they turned off the water. They dried themselves off quickly and, not wasting an opportunity, gave each other a blow job before dressing.

<><><><><>

Both Billy and Will were surprised when they met David. Since Rod was tall, very muscular, and strikingly handsome, they expected his prospective partner to be similar. Instead, David was six inches shorter, thin, and had an angular face that could not be described as handsome. Only a few minutes of conversation, however, revealed that he was perceptive, cordial, and intelligent. More tellingly, the subtle signs of genuine affection between him and Rod were evidence of a developing, permanent relationship.

Will offered to help with the preparation of dinner but David said, "Don't bother. I've tried to help in the kitchen before but just seemed to be in the way. He was kind about it but told me to leave him alone. He's a waiter by day but a magnificent chef in the evening."

The meal proved David's assessment of Rod's culinary skill: steak broiled to perfection, baked potato, steamed fresh broccoli, and irresistible Crème Brule for desert. It was three against one in the argument about cleaning up after dinner and Rod yielded to the pressure but sat in the kitchen to better participate in the lively conversation.

When the task was done, they continued their conversation in the living room, dwelling mostly on their Navy experiences. David had served on an aircraft carrier for almost three years but now worked in the Motor Pool on base while awaiting his discharge in three months. Will and Billy found the evening quite enjoyable although thoughts of their quandary occasionally passed through their minds and they hoped there would be an opportunity to seek Rod's advice on their plan to separate from the Navy. That opportunity came when Rod changed the subject, "So I'll bet you're both disappointed that you've got different assignments and will not be together for the rest of your time in the Navy."

"Yes," Will replied but was not sure to present his plan with David present.

Billy was not as cautious and said, "Maybe we might be together. Will's got a plan."

"Oh?" Rod said, angling for details.

"Yeah," Will said quickly. But still hesitant to talk in front of David, he added, "Maybe we can talk to you about it later and get some advice."

Neither Will nor Billy suspected Rod's underlying motive for bringing up the subject. He wanted his boyfriend David to hear about love and dedication and hoped it would hasten forming a committed relationship that he earnestly wanted. "Why later?" he asked. "You've got two people here that know what it's like to be gay in the Navy."

"Tell `im, Will," Billy urged. "Ya been thinkin' it over more than me."

Somewhat reluctantly but encouraged by Rod's inclusion of David in the conversation, Will said, "Okay. I don't know where to begin. Maybe I should first explain the reasons for the plan. Both of us feel that being together is more important than serving in the Navy. Even when we're on the same ship, we can't be TOGETHER as we'd like to be. What's just as bad, though, is being on guard all the time, afraid of saying the wrong thing or even looking at each other suspiciously. Hell! We can't even be too friendly or somebody's going to jump to conclusions. Finally ... how do I put this? ... we need each other far more than the Navy needs us. They can replace us without any trouble at all. So we're thinking of getting out. That's where our plan comes in. The question is how do we do that? The answer ... or at least the most likely answer ... is for the Navy to find out we're gay, that we love each other, and that we ... ah ... do what gay men do. Okay so far, Billy?"

"Yup! It's drivin' me loco bein' round the man I love and havin' to treat im as just another shipmate."

"So here's the idea," Will resumed. "Somehow -- I don't know how yet -- we let the brass know we're gay lovers. They'll investigate. We admit it. They kick us out. Big problem solved. But there are other problems. One is the Undesirable Discharge on our records. Another is explaining to our families why we're no longer in the Navy. And maybe having to come out to them. Still another is how do we make it known that we're gay? As you can see, there are big holes in the plan but maybe you have some ideas."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Rod asked. "I can tell you from experience that an Undesirable Discharge is like wearing a scarlet letter whenever you want a decent job."

"I know." Will replied. "And I AM thinking of the future ... a future with the man I love. I've seen enough of people clawing their way up the career ladder and thinking only of their own status and prestige. My values are different. Loving Billy is far more important than a fancy title or competing with my neighbors about who has the biggest house and the newest luxury car."

"How about you, Billy?" David asked.

"Ain't never had no fancy clothes or even money to spend on gadgets and stuff. And I don't know nobody that does. Cept maybe Will. But I know one thing. Happiness is the most important thing in life. Bein' with Will ... well ... that's more happiness than I ever dreamed o' havin'. Just one thing worries me. Quittin' the Navy will disappoint my mamma and daddy. Specially if'n they know why."

Rod looked earnestly at Will and asked, "How about your parents? Aren't you afraid of hurting them?"

"It's not like I WANT to hurt them. But there's only one way NOT to hurt them and that's to live the kind of life they do ... dishonesty and scheming at work, kissing the asses of anyone whose friendship will enhance your status, having to do whatever it takes to impress neighbors, serving the community not because of any altruistic motives but because it enhances your prestige. Need I go on? That's not the kind of person I want to be."

Everyone was quiet for a while, each in his own way evaluating what had been said. Rod broke the silence. "When we began, you asked for suggestions on your plan. You didn't ask for advice but I've got some for you. Take some time to think things through very carefully. I'd hate to think that you would regret your decision and pay a heavy price for it."

"We have," Will replied. "Maybe we're being selfish but living with and loving a partner is what we want more than anything."

Rod was pleased with Will's answer that was spoken with such conviction and sincerity because it opened the door to pursue his underlying motive. Speaking directly to Will and Billy but with words he wanted David to hear, he said, "That's remarkable, guys. I envy you for the intense love you have for each other and your devotion to each other. That's something that can bring unimaginable joy for years to come."

"So what do you think of our plan?" Will asked.

Before Rod could answer, David spoke. "Before we talk about your plan, I'd like to ask a question. Of both of you. Why are you so sure it's love and not just the satisfaction of biological needs?"

"Wow!" Will exclaimed. "That's something that philosophers have been wondering about for ages. How can you adequately explain the emotional connection between two people? There are lots of ways but none of them capture the essence of love. It's something you FEEL. It can't be dissected for analysis. But your question deserves an answer so here's mine. I'll admit I was first attracted to Billy because of his looks. But when I got to know him, I recognized the beauty of his soul. He persevered through an impoverished childhood ... thanks to a loving family and some innate, magical determination to survive and thrive. His honesty is not naïveté; it's an integral part of his character. His ethics are unpolluted. His mannerisms are ... there's no other word better than `charming'. In short, the physical attraction morphed into genuine affection. He's a joy to be with. So what standard must be met to call it love? All I know is that his happiness means far more to me than my own. I'd do anything in my power to support him, to give him whatever I could to please him, and to protect him from harm. That may sound corny but it's the best way I can describe my feelings for him."

David grinned and asked, "And you, Billy? How can you be sure you love Will?"

"Well I ain't no master of words like Will is but what he said is purdy much how I feel. I couldn't figure out for a long time why a rich kid from New York wanted to be friends with me but he done told me bout his summer working in a food kitchen for homeless folks. What'd he talk about? Not their raggedy clothes. Not the way they smelled cause they didn't have no place to shower. Not their lack o' fancy education. No, siree. He told me about the good stuff in em. That they was unlucky to have no schoolin' or no job or no money but they's good people. I reckon that's why we became friends in Basic Trainin'. He didn't care none bout my ignorance but he helped me understand what I was bein' taught in class." Billy turned to Will and asked, "What the word I wanna say? When ya care for other people and just wanna help `em?"

"Compassion?"

"YEAH! That's it. He's got compassion. Just like down on the farm in Miss'ippi. When a neighbor needs help, ya help em. Not cause ya want something in return but cause they's a neighbor. And there's more to it than that. Will's smart. He's got no airs bout him. But the most important reason is that when we's together, I get warm all over just knowin' he's my partner. When we's not together, there's a big ole hole in me. Less'n I know we'll be together again soon. Do I love him? No doubt bout it. I'd do anythin' for him."

"Anything?" David asked.

"ANYTHIN'!"

"Would you die for him?"

Billy thought about that but not for long. "If'n the choice was between him or me dying, YES. If'n he died, the biggest and best part o' me would die, too."

David said, "Okay. I'm convinced it's love and not just friends with benefits. As all of you were talking early on, I had an idea. It won't help either of you with the other problems you'll face -- with family, getting jobs, facing discrimination and persecution -- but I think it will solve your immediate problem of being separated. Would you like to hear it?

Billy and Will were curious and optimistic that David's idea would resolve their quandary. "Yes," they replied in unison. Will added, "Any idea would be welcome."

"Remember," David warned. "It's just an idea. I don't know all of the details. And you should feel free to reject it if you don't like it. It's sort of ... well ... unusual."

"Go on," Billy urged.

"Okay. As you know, I'm assigned to the Motor Pool until my hitch is up in a few months. Part of my job is to be a driver occasionally for some of the top brass. That's key to the whole idea. One of them is extremely homophobic. If only he knew his driver was gay! But that's another story. What do you suppose he'd do if he `accidentally' found a videotape of you guys making love? He would immediately launch an investigation to purge what he regarded as degenerate sinners from the Navy. I can get the tape into his hands if you're willing to make it. As I said, I don't have all the details worked out but it's an idea."

"You're suggesting we make a porno video?" Will exclaimed with obvious disgust. "What Billy and I have and need is LOVE. A dirty sex video doesn't begin to show how we feel about each other."

"It's really not a porno video," David said. "It's not something to be sold in the back room of sleazy video stores. I can guarantee the tape will never leave the Base. It may not even be seen by anyone but the homophobic officer. I know his style. He'll call you into his office and confront you with the evidence. If you admit right away that you're gay -- and how could you possibly deny it, anyway -- he will start the paperwork to expel you from the service. The worst that might happen is that you'll be subjected to an angry tirade about being filthy fags."

"Let's do it, Will," Billy said. "It ain't the easiest way but there ain't no easy way. And it's sure to get us outta the Navy so's we can be together."

"I'm not sure I'm willing," Will objected. "It seems too risky."

"Geezalpete!" Billy replied. "What's yur middle name? Caution? Yur not willin' to do it so's we can be together? We done agreed we don't wanna be separated. Neither of us wants that. There's only one way to avoid it and that's to get kicked outta the Navy. David just gave us a way t' do it. Whatta we got to lose? There ain't no big risks in what he said."

Before Will could respond, Rod said, "I understand your concern about making a porno video, Will. But it doesn't have to be dirty. If you plan it out right, it will be a tribute to a loving partnership. The sex in the video would be there only to convince the Navy brass that you're homosexual. And it could even show that sex doesn't have to be `biff; bang; thank you, man' but is the ultimate way of expressing an abiding love."

Rod's reasoning was persuasive and Will capitulated. "Okay. Let's talk about the details. How and when do we do it?"

<><><><><>

"What the hell is this?" the Captain asked David when he saw a large, brown envelope on the back seat of the car.

"I don't know, Sir," David replied. "It was there when I picked up the car from the Motor Pool. It's addressed to you so I didn't look inside."

The Captain tore open the envelope as David pulled away from the curb. A videotape and note fell out. Moments later, the Captain barked, "Take me back to my office! Does this car have a radio to call the Base?"

"No, Sir. None of the cars do."

The Captain mumbled some epithets but then sat quietly for the short distance back to his office. David didn't have time to get out of the car and open the door for the Captain because he was out of the car almost before it stopped and racing toward the front door of the Headquarters building. David could only grin because the plan was working ... so far.

The Captain barged into his office suite and without slowing his brisk pace ordered his secretary to cancel his morning appointments. He yelled for his Aide, "Watson! In my office! NOW!"

Steve Watson was accustomed to his boss's brusk manner and knew better than to complete the task he was working on. He hurried into the Captain's office only to receive another order. "Find me a videotape player and monitor ... probably from one of the training rooms ... and bring it in here. On the double!"

While waiting with increasing impatience for his Aide to return, he read again the note that was in the envelope with the videotape. It was typed -- obviously on an old typewriter with a faded ribbon:

There's a cancer in your ranks that must be removed. The video is proof that two of our country's finest are degenerate fags. I trust that you will protect the morals and honor of the military by removing them before they corrupt others. GOD BLESS AMERICA!

When Watson wheeled in a cart with videotape player and monitor, the Captain growled, "Shut the door. Play the tape. Sit down."

The recording was obviously made in a cheap hotel room. The lighting was poor and the audio was difficult but not impossible to understand. Two sailors in uniform were seated on a bed. One of them looked at the camera and spoke. "Greetings to the future Billy Ray and Will from the Billy Ray and Will of your younger days. We hope you will watch this video from time to time to recall the overpowering love that Billy and I had for each other way back then and the thrill of expressing that love intimately. We hope that your love and devotion has grown since those traumatic days when the Navy persecuted all who are guilty of nothing more than marching to a different drummer. And we hope that enlightenment will soon erase the hatred that such discrimination spawned."

"STOP THE GOD DAMN TAPE!" the Captain bellowed.

Watson jumped up and hit the pause button.

"They've got name tags on. What are their last names?"

Watson struggled to read the name tags on the blurry image. "The quiet one is Sampson, Simpson, or maybe Swanson. It's hard to tell. I can't make out the name on the speaker's name tag. The lighting on him is too poor."

The Captain barked, "Call Personnel. Have them search their records for a match. All three last names and anything close. How many can there be with a sissy name like Billy Ray? If they give you any shit, tell `em it's an urgent matter and on my orders."

Watson made the call, ending with, "Call Captain Delgado's office when you find a match. IMMEDIATELY!"

"Shall I resume the tape, Sir?"

"Yes."

There were no more introductory remarks on the video. Both sailors stood, embraced, and gave each other a long passionate kiss. "DISGUSTING," the Captain spat out. Just as he was about to tell Watson that he'd seen enough and to stop the tape, he heard some almost inaudible voices. "Rewind the tape and play that last bit again."

"I done fell in love with ya back in Basic Trainin' at Great Lakes. I was tickled pink when we was stranded on that island off Guadalcanal and I found out that y'all was like me. And ya loved me like I loved y'all."

"SICK!" the Captain blared. "They're goddamn queers!" When the video showed them taking off each other's uniforms, he said, "Shut that fucking thing off. I've seen enough and sure don't want to see the bastards fornicating."

Watson stopped the video reluctantly because, although he was straight, he was curious to see more of the tape and to witness two men engaging in sex.

The Captain, his face flushed with anger, said, "Call Personnel again. See if they've found a match. Then check the service history of this fag, Billy Ray. Find out when he was at Great Lakes. I want him in my office immediately! Understood?"

"Yes, Sir."

Twenty minutes later, the Aide knocked on the Captain's door and said, "We've identified the guy on the video: Billy Ray Simpson. He's been serving on the Brighton but has been assigned to the Altamont. He's currently on leave until the Altamont arrives in port. He should be checking into the Base at 0700 tomorrow."

"Notify Security to stop him at the gate and escort him immediately to my office."

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That evening, Rod, David, Will, and Billy gathered in Rod's living room before dinner. Their conversation included as many questions as comments.

"We ain't heard nothin' bout the video," Billy said. "D'ya spose the Captain found it and watched it?"

"He found it all right," David assured him. "When he read the note in the envelope he was visibly angry and ordered me to take him back to his office."

"But we can't be sure he watched the tape," Billy objected.

"I think it's certain that he watched it," David said. "We put just enough information in the note to make him curious. And the clues on the tape -- saying your names, the name tags, the reference to Great Lakes -- are all guaranteed to identify you."

"So why haven't we heard from them by now?" Will asked.

"Simple," Rod said. "You're on a few days leave. They don't know where you are. You can be sure they'll call you in for questioning as soon as you show up at the Base."

"That'll be tomorrow mornin' for me," Billy said. "What about Will? He's got a few more days of leave."

Rod tried to reassure the anxious Billy by using a calm tone of voice to say, "They'll ask you where Will is when they call you in for questioning. Tell them. Remember, it's crucial that you be honest in everything you say. That's your only hope of getting an "Under Honorable Conditions" attached to your discharge."

"I know that," Billy said nervously. "I just hope I can do it right."

David suggested, "I think it would help you, Billy, if we practiced it. Rod, you've been through the process. Do you think you can play the role of the interrogator in a sort of rehearsal?"

"I'll try," Rod replied.

"Great!" David said. "Billy, pretend that you're facing somebody who may hate you for what you are. He may try to insult you or get you upset and angry. Don't let that get to you. Don't let him upset you ... or at least don't show that you're upset. All you have to do is tell the truth. NEVER LIE!" Rod, you should be as realistic as possible as the interrogator. The closer we can make it to the real thing, the more likely it'll be to turn out the way we want it to."

The rehearsal went well. Rod was confrontational. Billy was relatively relaxed and very open about his relationship with Will. The only lie he told was in answer to a question about how many men he had had sex with. He answered, None, Sir,' ignoring the three-way with Rod. And he creatively added, "That's cause I love Will and would never cheat on him."

The critique that followed the role-play included many compliments to Billy for his handling of a stressful situation and only a very few suggestions for improvement. It boosted Billy's confidence significantly.

Billy arrived at the main gate of the Base at 0630 the next morning. The guard checked his ID and said, "Please wait here. I've been instructed to have you escorted in."

"Why?" Billy asked, feigning puzzlement but relieved that the deceptive plot was playing out as expected.

"I don't know." The guard replied. "All I was told is to have you wait for an escort." The guard returned to the guardhouse and made a phone call. Upon returning, he said, "It'll only be a few minutes.

Ten minutes later, Billy found himself in a conference room with three officers, none of whom greeted him and all of whom wore expressions that suggested disdain. Not having been given permission to take a seat, Billy remained standing At Attention at one side of the conference table while the three others sat at the opposite side. Captain Delgado started the interrogation. "State your name for the record." Billy did. "Have you ever participated in homosexual activity?"

Billy hesitated for a moment and then calmly replied, "For me to answer that question ... truthfully ... what, Sir, is your definition of 'homosexual activity'?"

The Captain snorted like an angry bull before asking, "Have you ever given another man a fuckin' blow job?"

"Ain't never given a man a fuckin', Sir. But yes, I done gave a man a blow job."

The Captain was momentarily confused by the answer until he realized the ambiguity of `give a man a fuckin' blow job'. Mostly, however, he was surprised at the admission. He had expected a denial, in which case he could mention the videotape and aggressively pursue the dishonesty. But he recovered quickly and commented, "So ... having done that, then you ARE a homosexual; are you not?"

Billy's shoulders slumped forward a bit, and his gaze focused at nothing in particular on the linoleum floor. After a brief hesitation that seemed to be an eternity, he looked into the Captain's eyes and said, "I reckon so, Captain."

"And you're aware that queers cannot serve in the armed forces?"

"Yes, Sir. I know that's the policy. But I have never violated the policy while on active duty."

Frustrated that Billy's ready admission denied him the pleasure of an aggressive attack, Captain Delgado changed his approach. "We have a video of you and another sailor. Do you deny that it's you on the tape?"

"Can't hardly say, Sir. I ain't seen the tape yur talking `bout. So I don't know if'n it's me."

The Captain's frustration level rose at Billy's skillful parry of the question. "It's you, goddamn it! The other sailor said your name. You stupidly had your name tag on. Did you or did you not make a videotape of yourself and the other sailor engaged in lewd and immoral acts?"

"I did make a video, Sir." Billy stopped because he remembered David's advice to resist the temptation to justify homosexuality. It would only antagonize the bigots. He had wanted to add: But what we done wasn't lewd or immoral. It was cause we love each other.'

"Damn right!" the Captain exclaimed. "And a filthy video at that! You're a disgrace to the uniform you wear. I have just one more question. Who is the other sailor in the video?"

"Willard Benson, Sir."

"What unit is he in?"

"None. We was serving on the Brighton `till it docked a few days ago. I was ordered to the Altamont and Will is going to signalman's school. Right now he's on leave. We been staying at a friend's house. Y'all can find him there."

The Captain, still taken aback at Billy's candor, hit a button on the intercom in front of him and barked, "Watson! The other sonnofabitch is Willard Benson. He's off base. Get his location from Simpson when we're finished in here. Have Benson brought to my office immediately."

Returning his glare to Billy, Captain Delgado said, "You have confessed to being a homosexual. Are you aware that the consequence is an Undesirable Discharge?

"Yes, Sir."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"It does, Sir. But I can't deny what I done or what I am." Again, Billy refrained from embellishing his reply. He wanted to say: `That would be dishonest and a heap worse than likin' a man for a partner.'

To be continued

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Iatia's ideas and editing were a great help in crafting this story.