Catherine Lawrence

I moved in with Belinda and began my training. It was full on and Belinda was a relentless teacher. She was critical of my every step, the way I dressed, moved and sat. Every time I slipped out of character including the voice, she jumped on me and jumped hard. There were times when I hated her.

The first day she attacked my hair, my eyebrows and my nails, both fingers and toes. She fixed the long nails to my fingers; they were a dark shade, and pierced my ears.

'You won't be able to take them out for four weeks so think carefully,' Belinda said. 'Studs or hoops?'

'Hoops.'

'Good girl,' she said.

I really don't want to discuss the full body waxing or the electrolysis session on my face, enough to say I cried more in that first day than I had ever been allowed to in my life.

At last, after being corseted and plumped up, Belinda allowed me to see myself.

I was stunning.

'Wow,' was all I could say.

'I don't believe it myself,' she said softly, staring at the reflection.

'Do you think,' I began hesitantly, 'that I'm believable?'

Belinda laughed loudly. 'You are kidding, aren't you?' She seized my shoulders and kissed my cheek, still laughing as she did so. 'Chris, you are beautiful and full of a sensuous charm!'

I hugged her and sat down, an extraordinary feeling was running through me and I didn't know what to say.

Mark arrived with banging doors and a big smile when he saw me. 'Yonder, what beauty do I see?'

'Stop it,' I said in my female voice and he laughed.

'Have you a name, fair maiden?'

'It's too early, I need to think a bit more.'

'Any ideas?' Belinda asked.

'One,' I admitted.

'And?' Mark posed like a barrel girl and I laughed.

'Ok. I thought of Catherine Lawrence.'

'Ooo,' Mark purred, 'very regal. I like it but I will call you Cate.'

I turned to Belinda who was watching us both carefully. 'What do you think, Belinda?'

'Me?' She seemed startled. 'I like it,' she said slowly, 'it has a good sound.'

'Then Catherine Lawrence it is,' I pronounced and Belinda looked at me strangely but smiled.

Mark put his hand on my shoulder and his expression was quite serious. 'Cate,' he said, using my new name for the first time. 'I have a friend downstairs, she's my doctor and very understanding, if you know what I mean.'

'A doctor?'

'Chris, you'll need some help to get through this...'

'Drugs? I don't do drugs,' I said primly.

Belinda took my hand. 'I think he's talking about hormones.'

Mark waited and I looked from one to another. 'Female hormones?'

'Will you talk to her?'

I nodded dumbly and moments later, Mark brought a woman of Indian descent, dressed in plain dark trousers and jacket, carrying a leather bag. 'This is Helen Waters,' Mark introduced her and we nodded at her.

'And you're Chris?' Helen said, walking over to Belinda and offering her hand.

To give Belinda credit, she laughed. 'I think I've been insulted somehow. No,' she said taking Helen's hand, 'I'm Belinda.'

I cleared my throat. 'I'm Chris,' I said carefully, still using the female voice, as it was becoming a habit. 'I prefer Cate or Catherine now.'

Helen stared for a moment and then shrugged ruefully. 'Hello Cate. Is there a room we could use?' I led the way into my small bedroom and shut the door. 'I understand you're considering transition?'

Was I? 'I don't know,' I said truthfully.

'Good, it's easier to take one step at a time. I would like to do a quick examination if you don't mind?'

I shook my head. 'Do I take everything off?' I asked shyly.

She smiled softly. 'I'm afraid so but I really am a doctor. It is a quick initial examination.'

A few moments later, I was standing naked in front of her, my face deep red as I removed the fake breasts but her face remained expressionless. She listened to my heart and checked various points around my body. 'You can get dressed now, Cate,' she said and scribbled away in her notebook while I did so. 'Cate,' Helen asked with a serious expression, 'have you been taking hormones?'

'No, of course not.'

'Are you sure? It's dangerous to take unprescribed hormones.'

'I'm sure, why?'

'You have a feminine physique and your skin is soft...'

'I've always been like that,' I said bitterly and looked away.

Helen smiled suddenly. 'You look beautiful as a woman, Cate, I'm bloody envious.'

I blushed. 'Thank you.'

'I suggest I give you a full injection of hormones and I'll leave you some tablets to take. It will help round your figure a little more and begin the breast definition. That will take time, I'm afraid so you'll have to use the breast forms for at least eight or so weeks. I suggest you get the ones that can be glued so you can become used to having breasts twenty-four hours a day. Are you happy with that cup size?'

'I think so.' I said in a low voice, face burning.

'It suits you, you don't look out of proportion but I would think it through. If you decided to have breast enhancement surgery sometime in the future, it's easier to keep the same cup size. Draws less attention, if you know what I mean?'

I nodded again. 'I quite like this size,' I admitted.

'Ok, I'll give you the injection, if you wish?' I nodded again. 'Right, lift your skirt.' She pulled my panties to one side, rubbed my buttock and I felt the jab.

'There,' she said as I dropped my skirt. 'Here are the pills. One morning and night and here is my card; I will need to see you in four or so weeks for a full examination. Cate,' Helen said sternly, 'I will need to see you even if you decide not to continue with the transition, ok?'

'Ok Doctor.'

She laughed. 'Please call me Helen.'

As Mark was showing Helen out, Belinda came quickly to my side. 'You alright?'

'Yes.'

'Did you decide...'

'I got an injection and pills to take.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes,' I admitted and I was. 'Thanks for asking, Belinda.'

The next few weeks were stressful.

We worked on everything, the way I walked, the way I spoke and the way I sat. She was constantly criticising me until I sat naturally in skirts. Belinda made me walk up and down in heels until I complained that my feet hurt.

'Good,' she said calmly. 'That's normal.'

Belinda would go downstairs to take classes, leaving me to practice. I dressed and undressed so many times putting on female clothes became a habit. Sometimes she would slip upstairs to check on me or to watch me. Sometimes, she had me act as the telephone receptionist for her school so I could get used to my voice, talk to other women on the telephone to learn inflexions and words.

At night she took over the small kitchen and made us a meal. After a day or two of sitting idly while she worked, I stood, smoothing my skirt down and asked hesitantly, 'Belinda, can I help?'

She glanced at me. 'If you want, can you peel potatoes?'

'I think I can manage,' I said with a smile and she laughed.

'Time for shopping,' Belinda announced one morning.

'Outside?' I gasped and she smiled.

'You can't keep wearing my clothes forever. They don't suit you at all. Yes,' she said firmly, 'we're going shopping. Mark is paying and we're going in heels.'

When we arrived at the shops, I noticed a man staring and I whispered to Belinda, 'That man knows, he's watching me.' I felt a wave of panic and looked around for an escape route

Belinda glanced over and laughed. 'Don't be silly. He's staring because he's just seen a beautiful woman with,' she added slyly, 'big breasts.'

'Don't,' I whispered, blushing. I looked over at him through my lashes and he suddenly smiled. 'Oh,' I said in a small voice.

'Tease!' Belinda laughed. 'Come on.'

It was wonderful and great fun. We went from shop to shop and Belinda helped me select the right clothes. We didn't go overboard as we just needed enough clothes to get through to the audition. I didn't let myself think about what would happen after the audition. We sat in a coffee shop, bags around us sipping coffee and laughing and talking. It felt right, natural even though we both complained about our aching feet.

It was the little nuances of the character I was building that I enjoyed. The way I looked when I was listening, the interest I generated in another's conversation, the simple act of emerging from a taxi. I loved every minute of it. It was becoming my greatest performance and yet I felt natural.

Belinda surprised me that night when we got home from the shopping.

Mark had not been around for a week as he was performing in Europe but he had rung and said he had convinced Lucy to arrange for an audition for Catherine Lawrence.

The meal we had prepared and cooked together was simple and Belinda surprised me by opening a bottle of white wine.

'A celebration,' she said. 'You're doing so well.'

'Thank you,' I said with a shy smile. 'It's all up to you, I'm afraid. I'm hopeless without you.'

Belinda blushed and started spooning the pasta onto the plates. We were eating when she suddenly said, 'Cate, I think you're doing really well, it's fantastic, you're fantastic.'

I laughed self-consciously as I picked at my food. I didn't know whether it was the corset or the pills but I was eating much less. 'Stop, it'll go to my head. You're the teacher, I'm just the student.'

Belinda smiled and I put some music on. As I sat down, smoothing my skirt under me unconsciously, I saw she was toying with her food. 'What's on your mind, Bel?' I asked, using the nickname I seemed to refer to her as in my mind out loud for the first time.

She looked at me with surprise and then, seemed to make up her mind about something. 'Well...'

'Yes?

'You and Mark?'

'What?'

Belinda sipped her wine and looked away. 'You're friends?'

'Yes, we are,' I said, running my fingers around the rim of the wineglass. I seemed to be getting used to the long fingernails. 'What are you saying?' I tilted my head and pouted. 'Can you tell me what's on your mind?'

Belinda laughed at that. 'You are wicked. You will get what you want with that look. Have you any idea the effect you'll have?' I shook my head slowly and she reached across the table and squeezed my hand. 'Poor dear, you have no idea, do you?' I looked at her blankly and she smiled again. 'You really have no idea how beautiful you are?'

'Bel,' I said firmly, 'forget that; I'm worried you have some concerns. What were you saying about Mark and I? Yes, we are friends, we met at a drama class.'

She raised an eyebrow. 'Just friends?'

'Of course. I don't know what you...'

'Not lovers?'

I was flabbergasted, it had never occurred to me and Belinda, I think, saw that immediately. 'I'm sorry, Cate,' she said quickly. 'I'm just a suspicious bitch. I should keep my mouth shut.'

'No,' I said slowly, 'there is a puzzle, isn't there?' She nodded and I cleared the table, putting the plates near the sink so I could rinse them before loading the dishwasher. 'Why is he doing this?' I looked steadily at her. 'Why are you doing this, Bel?'

Belinda held her wineglass up and twirled it. 'Why are you doing this?'

'You know that.'

'Tell me again.'

I thought deeply before answering. 'This is my opportunity to be a real actor, it's crazy, surreal even but it's my only chance, I know it is, so I'm going to take it.'

'That's good,' she said, looking away.

'Bel?' I said after a moment.

'What?'

'Is it wrong that I'm really enjoying it?'

She was stunned, I could see it but I pressed on. 'I hope we're friends, I feel we are,' I said in a rush, 'maybe it's the Stockholm Syndrome or something but I feel I can trust you. Bel, I feel marvellous, I feel really alive and free!'

'Really?' She asked it quietly and I nodded furiously.

'Yes.'

'You enjoy being a woman?'

I thought deeply about that and maybe it was the wine but I answered honestly. 'I am a woman,' I said solemnly and she smiled, kissed my cheek and squeezed my hand.

'I think you're pretty marvellous, Cate.'

'I laughed. 'Thank you but you still haven't told me why you're going to all this trouble.'

'Touché.' Bel sipped her wine. 'I hate Richard Hawkins. He hates me so I guess it's mutual.'

'Why? I don't like him either but hate is a strong word...'

'I know but I really do.' Her face clouded over and I reached over to take her hand.

'There's a story there, isn't there? Tell me, Bel,' I said softly and she smiled weakly.

'I was styling and dressing Elaine Plummer, she was in Romeo and Juliet.'

'I remember, although I thought she was a little old for Juliet.'

Bel laughed. 'I agree but don't tell her. Elaine was never good at choosing the right material. Anyway,' Bel said with a deep breath, 'my boyfriend Peter was working in Europe and Richard came on to me, really came onto me at a party. I rejected him but it got ugly and we had a wrestle.'

'The bastard!'

'Hawkins spread a rumour that we had a wild affair. Of course I told Peter it wasn't true but Hawkins told him it was when Peter confronted him.' I saw tears trickling from Bel's eyes and I squeezed her hand. 'We broke up and later when I tried to start my own business, Hawkins persuaded all my clients to go to another stylist, some woman he was sleeping with. So,' she said brightly, eyes glistening, 'that's why I hate him.'

I stood up and hugged her tightly. 'I hate him too,' I whispered.

By the end of the third week, I was doing my own hair and face every morning and it was now a habit. We could not remember the last time I slipped out of my Cate voice or when my movements became masculine.

Belinda took me to her jazz exercise classes and I found I had no trouble fitting it. I frankly enjoyed the company of the women and not one of them guessed anything so my confidence was growing.

Mark agreed. He stood one hand to his face as he watched me walked to the kitchen. 'My god,' he said with a smirk, 'she's even got the wiggle down.'

'Don't tease her, Mark,' Bel said crossly. 'She's done a bloody fantastic job.'

Mark hugged Bel. 'I think an awful lot of credit goes to you.'

'It does indeed,' I said with a smile and Bel blushed.

'I have news,' Mark announced. 'We're going out to dinner tomorrow night.'

I was instantly nervous. 'Where?'

'I'll arrange that later,' he said with an airy wave, 'but,' he said with that sly smile of his, 'don't you want to know who we're going to dinner with?'

My heart sank and I felt a thousand butterflies suddenly begin flying in my stomach. 'Who?' I asked softly.

'Lucy Richards.'

'Mark!' I gasped. 'You can't be serious?'

'Why not darling? You have to meet her sooner or later?'

'But she knew, you know,' I said stumbling over the words, 'she knew Chris.' I suddenly realised that I thought of myself as Cate and that Chris seemed like another person.

'All the more reason to test it, dearie. If anyone's going to pick it, it'll be her. Lucy won't sponsor you to the audition until she meets you, you know. You know what a hard nosed bitch she can be.'

'He's right, Cate,' Belinda said slowly. 'If you're going to be found out, it's better for it to happen at a restaurant with us rather than at a crowded audition.'

'I suppose you're right,' I said miserably.

'Think how confident you'll be at the audition once you know you've fooled Lucy.' Mark pointed out.

I nodded and looked at Belinda. 'Will you come, Bel? Please?'

Belinda glanced at Mark who nodded. 'We'll be there, can't have dinner with an uneven number, darling. Now,' he said seriously, 'we all need to get our stories right on the wonderful Cate Lawrence.'

End of Catherine Lawrence Part 2 by Carmenica Diaz

http://carmenicadiaz.tripod.com