Cards in the Deck

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Cards in the Deck - Adam and Ben 28

The Last Brevard

We all got up Saturday morning still excited about the previous night. My phone as well as Quinn's phones were blowing up. Congratulations, questions about Ryan, what did the family think, blah blah blah. I couldn't respond to everyone. Ryan was in a particularly good mood. Very chatty. He asked Quinn how he would have felt being out there and winning the last game of an undefeated season.

"It's been a long time since I have been on a field. But, man, that adrenaline would last for days!"

The better part of the morning we went shopping downtown. We had a bite of lunch at the gourmet sandwich shop then returned home. Oddly, Ryan wanted to do some hiking around the property. It was a little cold out but, ok, it wasn't a terrible idea. We walked my usual trek around the estate, including our shooting grounds. We may do that this year for Christmas with the whole family being here. Once tired of that stroll, we returned to the house. Quinn had to pack. I had an idea for Ryan.

I whispered to him, "Come on, let me show you something." He followed me up the main stairs then to the skinny stairs to the third floor. I opened the window at the top of the landing and we climbed out onto the roof of the east wing. I can't remember if I told you about the roof, but the east wing roof was flat. It was not built with a pitch. Ian and I used to come out here and we would be considered missing for hours. You could see far off from up there. There was a short brick wall that enclosed the area. We would hang out there and enjoy privacy.

Ryan stepped through the window and looked around curiously. "What are we doing up here?" he asked. Not so adventurous, this one.

"This is my very private place. Has been since I was a kid. Look out, everything you see back there is part of the estate." I pointed to a small forest some distance off. "We hiked back there this afternoon. I have always loved this view."

He looked on for a bit, studying the landscape. "It's very nice." He paused, and then said, "I can see why you stayed for so long but I can also see why you're leaving."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, I can see the attraction to being king of the castle, which you clearly have been. But, what about the real world? The world I live in is nothing like this. Are you getting a late start on seeing what life has planned for you once you get into it?" He looked at me expectantly, like this was not a rhetorical question.

"Well I don't know if I would call it a late start, Ryan. It may be just a change in the season and time for me to explore new ground. Do you know what it takes to let something like this go voluntarily?"

"I don't have any idea."

"It seemed like the easiest decision I ever made back in October. Now I rethink it. Want to change my mind. Want the chance to do some things over. Do SOME things again, even. I'm not going to complain about the life I have had here. Not for a minute."

"You and Ian fooled around up here, didn't you?" he asked, smiling, flirty.

"Yes, you know we did," I said mockingly. "Best bit of privacy to be had. You would think in such a big house it would have been easier. You can hear everything through those bedrooms," I said laughing.

"That's hot," he said.

"Oh you think so? What do you know about hot?"

"I think two good looking guys getting it on right under everyone's noses is hot as hell," he laughed. "Your mother would have needed resuscitation if she had found you fucking another guy here in the Brevahd Mana" he said with exaggerated effect. I had to laugh, that was a funny thought.

"We did though. That first summer when I came home, and after we got close, we fucked. It was the best I can remember. Hey, umm, these are some poignant moments we are discussing here. Are you ok with it?"

"Duh! I started it. Of course I want to hear and I want you to trust me. I have no one, no fucking body, to talk to about this stuff. Oh guys with no faces will chat online but they are flakes. No substance. Suck this, fuck that, you know. I want to know how it really is."

"I was not Ian's first. He had had sex at the boy's home. He never would admit that he had been abused. He always said it was voluntary but I was never fully sure he was gay. He showed no interest in gay activities, gay bars, gay culture. Nothing. I sometimes wondered if he just simply was into me. End of story. I asked him several times but he brushed it off. Said labels were not for him."

"I think that's true about labels. There are a few girls I could have done it with but it didn't work out. Now that I have, you know, had sex, I'm not sure."

"What do you mean, had sex? What have you done?'

"I have gotten blow jobs and have given them. I'm not sure if I was good at it. But one guy, I really liked him. I got really excited with him but he wanted to cum and that was all. No mention of it ever again. I have gotten a couple of blow jobs but it was a lot of work to find privacy and just trying to get into action was exhausting," he said.

"I get that. It's hard when you're young. It will get easier when you get older, go to college."

"Are you a top or bottom," he asked. Wow, didn't expect that.

"You know the difference?"

"I watch porn don't I? Of course. But I don't understand what the pleasure is and why it doesn't hurt like hell."

"First, there is pleasure but you have to go through a couple of rough times to get there. You need to practice on your own to discover if you like it. Maybe we can have that discussion at a later date." I was only a bit uncomfortable as I didn't know how he was processing this. He was asking good questions.

"But to answer your question, I am versatile. I do both. Quinn is versalite, he does both. In essence, we get different needs met at different times. It works well in most relationships. You have to be careful, Ryan. There is the HIV concern which I'm sure you know about and the fact that getting your rectum injured is not a good thing. It has to be completely acceptable to both parties before someone gets fucked. Got me?"

"Yes. You know I have a hardon right now, don't you?"

"Ryan! Oh my God," I knew it was going here. I just didn't know what to do about it.

"Well, Cousin, this is not dirty talk. You are being informative and I get a hardon just from that. I love to get information, especially to questions that have been on my mind. I can google this or I can get it from you. Which is better?"

"I am, of course. I will always be the better choice. I will tell you anything you need to know. I am, well, I'm the one, Ryan. The first call."

He looked at me, he was wearing a very friendly face. Sincere.

"I'm going to say this, Ryan, it's not an easy thing for me to say, but you need to know. I love you. Couldn't imagine a member of my family would take me by storm so much as you have. Our likeness is like a glue. Can't help it." I was quiet then. He turned and looked out over the estate. He said nothing. I waited only another minute, then said, "I really do, you know?"

Silence. I wasn't going to beg him to respond in kind, but some response would certainly help me gauge his progress. I launched one more move. I pulled a "Margo" and brushed his long bangs off his forehead.

He then gave me a firm look and whispered, almost mouthed, "I love you too," then he fell into my arms. I don't mean he leaned forward. He fell into and I was almost holding him up. I am not sure this kid ever hugged anyone. Or if anyone hugged him, he might not have done it back. However, success was achieved. Humanity found. Compassion discovered. Hopefully it would not be a short lived thing. We stayed like that for a while. It might have been a scene from one of the tear jerk movies, but it was very real. I knew I was the one. He might have parents dot one at home but I would be parents dot two in his life. I would be aware of every three moves or decisions he would make from now on. Done.

I pulled him and bent down to look up into his eyes. "You ok?" I asked.

"Yep. Good," he said. "Let's go find Quinn and see how his packing is coming?"

We headed back through the window, back into the warm house, like the wardrobe that let children in and out of Narnia. I never had thought of the comparison to Narnia before. That was interesting. Would have made a good code name for the roof way back when.

We found Quinn sitting on a barstool in the kitchen. Ryan walked over to him, and I swear to you I could have melted like the witch in Oz. Ryan put his hand on Quinn's shoulder and asked him what he was looking at. I aimed the phone at them and snapped the picture. Thank goodness I was holding it. That was a picturesque moment for sure.

"You looking at porn?" Ryan asked.

Quinn looked up at me in disbelief. "Ol' boy is aware of the ways of the world," I said.

"Sorry, Ryan. I might occasionally glance at some sites I like, but I get the real thing with him," pointing to me. Ryan's eyes got really big. "That's hot," he said quietly to Quinn.

"Wow," said Quinn.

Dinner time was approaching and we decided to go out to the steakhouse. I should have seen it coming but all eyes were on us when we entered. There were those who just saw the intergenerational couple, others saw the interracial couple, and others saw the gay couple with a kid. It was probably always like that but since Ryan had mentioned it yesterday, I was not curious if that was what people were seeing. But, I didn't care. It's not like we were ostracized or anything. Several people waved, having been at the game last night and the manager came over and told the hostess, "Seat the Brevard's over by the window."

He looked at me and said, "Good view, best server, Mr. Brevard," and nodded.

"Well thank you," I replied. We were having a great time when Councilwoman Julia Haig came in with her family. They were seated in another area but they stopped at our table. Her teens greeted mine as they had met briefly at the game last night.

"Big night," said Charles Haig. "That was a real treat to watch. Congratulations," he offered.

"Thanks Charles. The family was quite honored. They will all be here for the Christmas Party."

"About that, Ben, we have received an invitation from your mother and Aunt. Is this a big deal party?"

"Oh yes, it's going to be something. And I hope the invite included you all because I want Jack and Molly there too. There will be a host of other teenages and I want them to have a good time." Looking at Jack, "What do you think, Jack, Molly? You up to a party?"

"Yessir," Jack said. Molly nodded with a big grin.

"Good see you all later."

They headed off. Ryan's first comment, "Jack's hot!" Quinn and I broke out the laughter.

The dinner was excellent and we headed home. We played some pool which Ryan thought was boring, only because he didn't know how to play. Quinn worked with him and he showed some skill. He had very precise manners but Quinn had to get up at 6 to leave for the airport. I hated not being the one to drive him but I didn't want to make two trips to Birmingham so Kent agreed to take him. They loved each other's company in any case.

We turned in. Ryan was nestled in my old room next door.

Quinn was being very quiet. He was quiet at dinner.

"Think out loud Quinn. What's up?"

"I'm so nervous. This is going to be much harder than the estate thing. I'm terrified. This thing you asked me to do is just crazy. Go find a home. Whatever."

"Hey, you may or may not find the home. You may create ideas and start a basis for OUR search. And guess what? If you don't find a place that's perfect, we will not be homeless. I'm rich as shit remember? We can take a long vacation at any hotel we want until we find the perfect place. But, Quinn, I have a feeling. I have a sense you have lined up some interesting places, although you have been very secretive. Go and enjoy this adventure. You will be a jetsetter this week." I hope I was providing comfort. I didn't think what a task this might be but he was due to get the hell out of here after all the work he had put into it. Me tagging along would have only held him up.

"I know babe. I'm looking at some very cool places. And just as a hint, I get to see Brett when I visit one of them," he said teasingly.

"Hey now, don't you go messing around with him," I chided.

"Brett and I are having a boy's night out in Charleston and I'm not telling you what night that is."

"Actually, Quinn, I love Charleston. I'm very impressed you put it on the agenda. See? If you don't know a home run, you will get us to third base. I know it."

"Love you Ben. Going to sleep now." Before that could happen, I heard a light knock on the door. "Come in," I said.

Ryan stepped in, wearing boxer shorts and a t-shirt.

"What is it Ryan, are you ok?" I asked quietly.

He came over to the bed and said, "Slip over." He lifted the covers and I scooted into the middle of the bed. He climbed in. I really didn't know what to say. Quinn whispered ever so quietly in my ear, "What the hell is he doing?" I shrugged.

Ryan leaned up and said, "listen guys, I'm really sorry because this looks stupid as shit but this has been the greatest weekend of my life and it ends tomorrow. I want to be near you, you both, tonite. Please don't send me back out there. I'm really sorry."

Quinn reached over me and gave his arm a tight squeeze. I really appreciated that. I didn't want this to me and Ryan and Me and Quinn. I wanted it to be family oriented.

"Do you snore?" Ryan asked me. "I might but I don't think so," I said.

Quinn said, "he does."

"Well you hum," I replied. `

"Do not,"

"Yes you do. All sorts of tunes. I heard Rhyanna the other night."

Ryan laughed. "Sorry I didn't mean to start something."

Soon, my men were both asleep cozied on both sides of me. Been here before, haven't I. Glad I have this king sized bed since it's sometimes like a campground.

I awoke a little while later, it was dark. Maybe 1:30. I was hot as Ryan was little spooning me. I don't know when we got into that formation. He felt good though. His skin soft, his lean body pressed back against mine. I was aroused which I couldn't help. I could smell his hair. You know some guys' hair has a smell, like body and shampoo and it's intoxicating. My arm was under his neck. I reached over him with my other arm and held him. He moved his hand over mine. He was awake. I didn't mean to wake him. I gently stroked his chest. He kept his hand on mine. My hand uncontrollably slipped under his t-shirt. I wanted to feel his skin directly. It ran over his chest and felt his nipple. He gasped and pressed harder into me. His ear was right by my mouth. I breathed into it and whispered, "I love you Ryan. I love you so much.

I could hear breath coming out of his mouth. I was just so caught off guard by this evolution I didn't know what I was doing. Or maybe I did. I didn't know. I felt his neck as it pressed upward to my cheek. If I had been a vampire, I would have drained him completely. I just kissed his neck, just to taster, just to have all my senses fulfilled. Touch, smell, taste. He gasped again. And in a silent, fluid motion he pushed back and wrapped his upper leg over mine and in that very sensual position, and with my rubbing his nipples, and with my lips on his neck, I felt him cum. His body quivered, his breath gasped out in near silence. My cock was raging cupped in the shape of his gorgeous ass. I didn't move or make a sound. His climax subsided and I felt his rigid body relax. He tightened his hand over mine, under his shirt and held me there for a minute. I could smell his cum. It was fresh and aromatic.

I was suddenly aware of Quinn who was lightly snoring. "Oh my good goddam what have I done?" I thought. I might have truly ruined everything. Me and my hormones. Me and my need for affection. Me and my so-called love of my cousin once removed. Ryan climbed out of the bed and left the room. I lay there contemplating and fretting. I was terrified until a few moments later, he came back in wearing fresh boxers and climbed back into the bed.

"Are you ok?" I asked in a whisper.

He looked at me for a moment and said, "that was the most incredible experience of my life. I'm still shaking. Sorry about the mess, I didn't mean to do that," and he laid back beside me, kissed me on my cheek, sighed, and went back to sleep. Don't think for a moment I slept another wink. Not for the rest of the night.

Quinn's alarm went off at 6. He crawled out of bed and went into the bathroom. I heard the shower start. I climbed out quietly and went in. His back was to me when I slipped in behind him.

"Hey babe, what are you doing?" he asked. I kissed him and it turned passionate. "Ryan's in there. He's gonna hear us," he said.

"Maybe not, but who cares Quinn. Listen, you are about to go and do this thing for us and I am going to give you every bit of respect I can." I kissed him again and feeling his hard cock pressing against mine, I concluded, "and I'm going down on my knees for you. On my knees," I said as I slipped down and took his cock in my mouth. Between giving him the best blow job i could possibly accomplish, and with a soapy finger stuck up his ass, I brought him to a satisfactory orgasm with his hot thick nut shooting down my throat. His knees were shaking and he was panting. I have to say, it was good. Hadn't done that in a while.

Then, he was off. I walked him to Kent's SUV and watched as they drove off.

I would never make amends for my actions. I would live with this forever. What a terrible mistake I made.

Ryan eventually came downstairs, wearing sweats and a hoodie.

"Hey," he said. "Quinn is gone?" I nodded silently.

"Fuck I wanted to say goodbye," he said regretfully.

"Text him," I said. "He will love it."

He whipped out the phone and typed a message.

I made us bowls of cereal and sliced a banana to add in. We sat in the solarium. It was just getting light out. There was a haze across the south lawn.

"Listen Ryan, what happened last night, well I'm not sure what to say except I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Well let's face it, one does not typically do that to or with one's cousin. Teenage cousin."

"What, show some affection? I thought that was what everyone wanted from me. To show I care and all that."

"Not sure that's what `everyone' is referring to."

"Ben, I have never felt anything like that. I felt warm, on fire actually. I felt closer to you than I ever have anyone. I'm glad you showed me that. I'm really glad!" he said in a raised voice.

"I'm terrified of being a bad influence to you. Introducing you to the dark side of the force. Next thing you will be on drugs, in rehab, all your goals vanished, and it was my fault! I'm not having that. Not having it!"

"Hey hey, calm down. You think because you hugged me and was, um, what is it, um, tender with me, I'm going to end up in drug rehab? I don't need my predictability model, Cuz, to tell you that is never going to happen. Don't you get it? I am happy. I thought I was happy before but now I'm really happy. And I get it all. I have the whole thing assessed. I understand that the more I give, the better I get. My only problem is that I don't have much to offer you right now. What can I help you with?" he asked, sounding desperate.

"Ryan, you help when you don't have to. You offer because you can. You do even if you don't know what you get in return. That's all I have been trying to tell you."

"And I get all of that. And I get you. I got you. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I care what you think and I want you to tell me everything. I need a complete data dump from you," he said laughing. "In fact, that guy that's spending the night with me Friday night, well you have taught me how to get it going finally. He and I have stepped around this thing too long. I know he likes me but he's afraid of me. I'm going to do it to him Friday night, just like you did. He will know how much I like him and if it takes off, great! If not, then at least I made the first move!"

"You are a wild card in the deck, boy. I never know what your next perspective will be. So, I did not take advantage of you last night? No regrets?"

"Absolutely not. You didn't actually touch me. So you touched my chest and my nipples. It was stimulating! You didn't touch my cock or my bare ass. You could have touched my cock, though. I would have loved it except I would have shot all the way to your dresser," he said laughing. "Bam bam bam!" he exclaimed with a hand gesture. "It would have woke up Quinn!"

"Ok ok,. I get it."

"Don't get me wrong, Ben. I am gay and sex is on my mind. I know what we did last night feels like sex but I think sex is much more involved. I really didn't mean to cum but I couldn't help it. That's on me. But you didn't cheat on Quinn last night. I know that's what you're thinking. I'm not here to break you two up. I want you together. I want you to both be my guardian angels or devils or whatever. I am not going to be your little boyfriend. I have no interest in being any older man's little love child. Do you get me? I know when fair enough has gone far enough. I loved that bit of affection and I will want it again but you have to keep your head on. Got it?"

I am wondering who the boy is here and who the man is.

"Ben, I have thought about something and I need to express myself before I go."

"Uh oh" I thought. "I have heard this opening before."

"Listen, and please let me finish because it sounds bad but it's not. Where Quinn is concerned, my assessment is that you could have done better."

"What!"

"Stop! I told you to let me finish. If you had chosen to live in the real world and not in this 18th century Bleak House place, you would have found someone your age, running important things, having cocktail parties, doing posh things. But instead you chose to live out here in the country, surrounded by three little towns and an interstate. You have no options down here. No gay guys. If there was one person who could actually be a good boyfriend for you in this hick place, you found him. He's the best.. Could there have been anyone else?"

I shook my head.

"Right. So this is my point. You gave him the task of getting rid of the estate. He's done it. Now he's off to find a home. He will get that done too. He is willing to wear himself out to prove himself to you. What are doing for him? I don't see you passing any tests. I don't think you have told him what comes `after the finish line or the field goal or whatever it is'," he said using finger quotes. "Does he have any clue?"

I remained silent. I hadn't felt so defensive as that night I met with the city council but silence was my weapon for now.

"Ben, you can't get out into the real and suddenly realize what all you've been missing and tell him to fuck off while you chase new options. He is really in it for the long haul and you have to prove it to him in some way. This is not a duct tape thing. It's super glue time. I really love you both and I just told him that in that text. That's all I wanted to say," and he sighed both audibly and visually. "By the way, he's blowing my phone up right now."

"I have never had to prove myself to anyone," I said in my defense.

"And that's what makes you special, right?" he said poking me in the arm.

"You know, you aren't too far off from being a real dickhead."

"I have never asked anyone's opinion," Ryan retorted mimicking my response.

"How old are you?" I asked.

"I will be 16 in two weeks and there better be a damn nice present to go with it. You can keep it until I come back for Christmas which is what, three weeks to the party?"

"That is correct. And I only have this to say in response to your thoughts. You were well spoken but if I didn't know you better I would have thrust you out the side door and into the port cochere to find your own way home. But I know where you get it, and you got in honestly and your message is duly noted. You are not incorrect in anything you said."

"Good, now listen, I need some help with this one point and you need to remember what I said earlier about keeping you head on." He approached me and got very close to my face. I could feel his warm breath. "I need to know what Level 3 kissing includes. I don't care about Levels 1 and 2," and with that he put his lips on mine and held. If this is how he wants it then so be it. I took his bottom lip gently into mine and sucked it in. I put my left hand around his lower back and pulled him close. I put his arm around my lower back and his other hand on my pec. Then I took my hand and gently tilted his head counter from mine to create that lip lock. Then my hand slid behind his head to hold him. We kissed like that for a few moments. His lips danced and his tongue swiped mine. I think he was getting into it as he started pressing into me and I could feel a solid hard cock and knew "fair enough had gone far enough."

"Mother fucker," he said, as I pulled away from him respectfully. "I think I got it," he said catching his breath. "That was hot! And before you say anything, Cuz, if you think what we did is fucked up, consider that the Brevahd (for emphasis) gene you talk about might have a fucked up neuron in it. Just saying," and he strutted out of the kitchen to the back stairs and headed up to get his things for the trip home.