Cant Fight the Moonlight

Hello,

Thanks for all the feedback I received for the previous instalment. It was much appreciated.

Here we are; the final instalment. The story is over, my baby is all grown up and ready to leave the nest. Let me warn you; I suck at endings.

Anyway, I'd love some feedback on the story.

Dedicated to Red. Special thanks to the usual people

Disclaimer: it's the voices in your mind telling you this story.

Can't fight the moonlight

Part 19

Justin said that he saw it in my eyes when he returned back to the dressing room. According to him my eyes were suddenly empty. I just sat there staring at the wall. To be honest I was relieved. I didn't have to fight anymore but Justin clearly didn't feel that way as he grabbed my arms and yelled at me. He told me to keep fighting but he also knew that it was a lost case. He had seen the look in my eyes.

The other three carefully avoided me for the remaining weeks of the tour. I didn't come to venues anymore nor did I attend any TV or radio shows. I usually stayed at the hotel talking to Chloe and Lonnie. Justin didn't want me alone in a room with Gemma anymore. That hurt me deeply. How could he think that I would hurt a little baby like that? But somehow I understood his reasons.

The tour was coming to an end and there were only 3 shows left. It was a Saturday and I was coming back from the swimming pool. My hair was still wet and I occasionally rubbed a towel over my head. Chris and Joey blocked my way as soon as I stepped out from the lift. I mumbled an apology and tried to walk past them but Joey moved with me.

'Is there something wrong?' I asked as innocently as I could. The voices started to shout as soon as I saw them.

'We'd like to talk to you.' Lance appeared from behind Chris.

'Talk to me?'

Joey nodded. 'We'd like to offer you a holiday.'

'We think that you may need one. Those migraines must be very tiring.' Chris continued.

I lifted my hand with the towel again and rubbed it over my head. I frowned my eyebrows and looked at Lance. Normally I could read his face like a book but now it wasn't showing any emotions at all.

'We did some research and we've found an excellent resort just outside Orlando. We took the liberty to book you a room there.'

I cocked my head to the left and almost laughed out loud. I may not score very high on the sanity scale at the moment but they weren't offering me a holiday. They were trying to get me admitted.

'It's great.' Chris said with a massive smile. 'They have a large swimming pool and a golf course. We've arranged another room for Justin when the tour is over so that he can come and join you.'

I smiled a little and gasped. 'Justin will come with me?'

Lance shook his head. 'It will be a surprise for Justin. He will join you later.'

'We've got your bags packed already and the plane will leave soon.'

I narrowed my eyes a little. I never knew that they would be able to do it. Whisk me off to some mental hospital just like that.

'Did you pack my farm?' Again an innocent tone.

Chris nodded. 'Everything is packed and downstairs. We were just waiting for you to come so that we could leave.'

Joey grabbed my arm and pushed the lift button. A slight panic got hold of me. What if they forced me to leave? What if Justin was behind this all?

'Did you guys pack my notebook? I need my notebook.' I sounded like a whining kid. Spending so much time around Justin was finally paying off.

Lance slowly shook his head.

'No, Joshua, we didn't. We'll buy you a new one.'

I firmly shook my head sending water drops everywhere. 'I need it. I was working on a new song. I'll just go and get it.'

I tried to slip past Joey but he had a firm hold on my arm.

'We'll get you a new one.' His tone was cold.

'I won't say a thing to Justin. He is sleeping. I'll be really quiet.' I lowered my voice. 'Really quiet.'

Joey and Chris quickly exchanged glance and than Joey released his hold on me.

'Be very quiet and quick. Lance will come with you.'

I cheered like a little kid and dashed to our room. I knew for sure that Justin was in there with Gemma at the moment. I slowly opened the door and sighed with relief when I saw the light on. I crept inside, pretending that Justin was sleeping. I walked to the desk and grabbed my book. I turned around and let out a surprised cry.

'Justin! You are awake?'

Justin raised one eyebrow and looked at me as if I was going insane. Which I was but that was beside the point.

'Enjoyed your swim.'

I nodded and hopped back and forth on my feet. I saw Lance at the door looking very nervous.

'I have to go now. Joey, Chris and Lance are taking me out.'

I slammed my hand over my mouth as if I had just realised that I had told Justin a secret. Justin came off the bed and adjusted Gemma in his arms.

'They are taking you out?' His voice was cautious and cold.

'Yes, they booked me a room in a resort with a swimming pool and stuff. The plane leaves in an hour. But that was a surprise for you.'

I lowered my eyes and stared at my feet. I kept a close eye on Lance at the door and saw him pale several shades. Joey and Chris appeared behind him and I decided to go for the Oscar.

I hopped to the door and pouted.

'I accidentally spoiled the surprise for Justin. I told him about the resort.' I twisted around on my heels.

'Can Justin still come with me?'

I turned back to the guys in the doorway. Chris and Joey were fuming with anger.

'That's ok. Justin can still come. We just have to rush now.'

'Rush where?' Justin was now standing behind me. I started hopping again and moved behind Justin where I felt a little safer than up for grabs in the doorway.

'We've book a room for JC in a resort so that he can rest up a bit.' Lance sounded so nervous.

'What kind of resort?' You can call Justin blonde but he's got some brains and is not afraid to use them.

'Where he can relax and become the old JC again.' Chris was getting impatient.

'JC is dead. My name is Joshua.'

'That's what we mean. That little sentence says it all.' Joey pointed a finger at me.

'You want to admit Josh in a mental institution? Are you out of your mind?'

I giggled. It was me that was out of my mind but I liked Justin's remark.

'Josh doesn't need a mental institution. All he needs is some time to get himself back together. He's been to hell and back. He will get that rest when the tour is over. I can't believe that the thought of putting him in a nuthouse ever crossed your minds.'

Chris' eyes flashed with anger and he stepped closer to Justin.

'I don't care how much rest he needs. That man is about to ruin all that we've worked so hard for and I'm not going to stand back and let him do it!'

'Joshua will get some help when we come home. But not now! And he won't ruin your precious career Chris. He may never be the old JC again but he is your friend.'

Lance stared at his shoes. He knew that what he tried to do was wrong. Joey and Chris both stared at Justin.

'Fine!' Spat Joey. 'We'll leave him alone than.'

Justin nodded and turned to look at me.

'Do you want to say something?'

I thought for a moment and than did the first thing that came to mind. I stuck my tongue out at them.

Part 20

The hectic days of life on the road were over but my head was more chaotic than ever. I wasn't sure if I dreaming or awake most of the time.

I visited Mae and Ian for a week and that helped me a little. I did the things I had done in the period that I lived there. I took the kids for a swim, I helped Ian in the restaurant and the three of us had our late night talks.

Than I went to see my family for a few days. My sister was the only one that didn't act all funny around me. My father and mother still expected me to have a nervous breakdown each minute that I was awake. Maybe they hadn't seen the Rosie show? But that visit came to an end too and I went... Well I guess it was home. I went to Justin.

I had come up with a plan in Utah and I had to be with Justin to complete it. I had to buy a few things for it but after a few days I was all settled.

Living with Justin was weird. Here I was living with the man that I loved but we hardly spoke or touched. I wanted Justin more than ever. My heart burst with love each time I saw him with Gemma. But Justin never showed that he wanted me too. Yes, we did kiss but that was all. As soon as I tried to go further he froze and moved away. It convinced me that the plan I had come up with was the right thing to do. If only Chris hadn't decided to pay me a visit.

It was the day. THE BIG DAY. Time to set my plan to work. I was all set when I suddenly heard Chris' voice.

'I just want to talk to him Jup. I'm not going to drag him to a clinic.'

I couldn't hear Justin's answer but the door opened and Chris walked into the living room. I closed my notebook and looked at him.

'Hey Joshua, can we talk?'

Little alarm bells went off in my head as Chris called me Joshua. The voices started screaming at me and I covered my ears for a second.

'About what?' I sounded very suspicious.

Chris showed me a videotape. 'I want you to see this. It's a tape from the past. Maybe it can help you get your memory back.'

I frowned and looked at Justin, who was standing in the doorway. 'Can you leave us alone please, Just?'

Justin slowly nodded and left the room. I turned my head to Chris and crossed my arms.

'Care to tell me what's going on?'

Chris just smiled and placed the tape in the VCR. He turned on the TV and pressed play. I saw a few bits of the concert tour we had finished right before I left. Some footage from MTV and than... I softly gasped. My funeral. I quickly looked at Chris but he was staring at the screen.

'There!' Chris paused the tape. 'Can you tell me who that is?'

Chris pointed at a man dressed in a long raincoat and a hat.

'I don't know.'

Chris looked at me and sighed. 'I've asked someone to make the face of the person a little clearer. It's the next shot.'

He pressed play again and I stared at my own face.

'Can you tell me now who that is?'

Chris pressed stop and turned towards me. I swallowed hard and nodded.

'That's me.'

'Can you tell me what you were doing at your own funeral when you suffered from amnesia?'

I titled my head to the side and looked at Chris. I blinked a few times while I tried to come up with a good enough answer.

'Did you bring your car?'

That question startled Chris. He looked at me as if I had grown a pair of wings.

'My car? Yes, why?'

I got of the couch and walked to the door. 'Shall we go for a ride? I'll explain everything.'

I didn't wait for Chris' answer but got my coat and waited at the front door. I carefully checked if the contents of my pockets were still there.

'Bye Justin.' I said when I spotted him in the shadows next to the living room. He had clearly been listening to Chris and I.

Chris came out of the living room with the videotape and I opened the front door.

We didn't say much part from the directions that I gave him. Chris occasionally looked at me but didn't say a word.

'Take a left here and than park the car.'

Chris did as he was told and parked the car. We got out and I looked at him.

'I'll answer your questions in a bit.'

Chris looked around him and I could almost hear him think. We walked through the gates to the cemetery and towards the grave that was suppose to hold my body.

I stopped at the grave and stared at the stone. How many people were able to look at their own gravestone I wondered. It was a beautiful one with my name on it. Pure and simple. I traced the letters with my finger and sighed.

'I wasn't in the car. I wasn't anywhere near that car when it exploded. I wasn't even in this town.'

I turned to Chris and looked at him.

'I sat on a hotel bed and saw the news. Someone else had died and they all thought it was me. I could have reached out for the phone to call my parents but I didn't. I thought that this was the thing I needed. A new life, a new start. It would help me forget about Justin, about the pain he had caused me.'

I shrugged and turned to the grave again.

'I thought that it would be easy but it wasn't. I started a new life but I didn't start with new feelings. I still felt the love that I had for Justin. And now something new was added. I had killed someone. Someone I didn't know but I was the only one who could tell the police what he looked like.'

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes and I violently rubbed them.

'Did you ever think about the consequences?'

I turned back to Chris.

'What consequences? I wasn't supposed to return. I was very happy living in Utah.'

'The consequences of ruining so many lives. First you die and than you show up. You are insane JC. You must have been insane before you left.'

Chris' words hurt. They hurt deeply.

'I was in love Chris.'

Tears started to well up again and this time I didn't bother to wipe them away.

'I won't ruin your precious career, don't worry. I don't have plans to return to Nsync. I've made other plans this time.'

Chris narrowed his eyes and said:

'What plans JC? Will you run off again when the ground gets too hot under your feet?'

I shoved my hands in my pockets and almost sighed when I felt the cool steel of the gun I had hidden in there.

'I've made plans to leave again. You are right about that. But this time I won't come back. This time you won't be able to search for me.'

I slowly pulled the gun out of my pocket and raised my hand. I placed it under my chin and looked at Chris. Chris suddenly paled when he saw the gun.

'Shit.'

'I don't want to listen to the voices anymore Chris. I'm guilty of murder; of ruining whatever chance I had with Justin. I fucked up your life and that of Joey and Lance. It's best that everything goes back to the way it was before I came back.'

Chris stepped forward and I pulled back the safety trigger.

'Joshua, please.' Chris begged. 'You can find help to silence the voices. You...we can talk things through. Help us understand why.'

'It's too late Chris. There is a family out there who doesn't know what happened to their son or father or brother. I'm to blame for the pain of that family. I've done nothing but hurt people recently. I've hurt my parents, I've hurt you. I've asked people to lie for me. I lied!'

I curled my finger around the trigger.

'I've drawn a picture of the man that bought my car. It's in my notebook. You can also find some letters to all of you.'

'JC don't. Please.'

'JC is dead.' I yelled. The voices were screaming at me. They ordered me to pull the trigger. 'He died.'

'Joshua please. Don't do this. You can fix the hurt. You can find that family. I'll help you. Please don't do this.'

'Too many lies Chris. Too many lies.'

I closed my eyes and mumbled a good bye to Chris. I took a deep breath and pulled the trigger.

The dry sound of a click echoed through the empty cemetery. I slowly sank to my knees and started crying. Chris was by my side within seconds and managed to pry the gun away from me.

'Jesus, don't scare me like that.'

Chris pulled me in his arms and rubbed my back. I heard the voices laugh at me. I was a coward and I knew it. But it wasn't over yet. I had a spare one at home. All I had to do was ask Chris to drive me back, go upstairs and do it.

'Oh my god.'

I cringed. Justin's voice sounded too close.

'Is he? Did he?'

I felt Chris nod against my shoulder.

I flinched when Justin touched me.

'Don't touch me.'

I pulled away from Chris and struggled to my feet.

'I don't want you to touch me.'

'Josh, what, why?' Justin had a confused look on his face.

'Don't talk to me. It's all lies.'

'What are you talking about Josh? What's a lie?'

'Lies. All you tell me are lies.'

'Josh please.' He spoke in the same tone as he used for Gemma.

'Stop treating me like I'm suddenly stupid. I'm losing my mind Just, not my intelligence.'

I wiped away my tears and stumbled towards the gates.

'Did you really think that I wouldn't find out?' My voice travelled far.

'Did you really think that I wouldn't find out that there never was an Eve? Or that you never married her? Did you really think that I was so stupid that I wouldn't find out that Chloe is Gemma's mum and that she met Lance the night you kicked her out of your bed?'

I started laughing. Not a happy laugh but I burst into hysterical laughter.

'What else did you lie about Just? About the kisses we shared? About your feelings for me?'

I grabbed my head and screamed.

'I just want some peace, please.'

I felt a hand on my arm and I looked up. Chris stood beside me. He suddenly looked so much older. I almost sank into his arms.

'Take me home please. Just take me home.'

He wrapped one arm around my waist and half dragged, half carried me to his car. We were almost at the entrance when I looked over my shoulder. Justin still stood at my grave. His shoulders shook with the sobs that wrecked his body and it made me wonder what other secrets he had been hiding or lying about. But I didn't care at that moment. The one thing that was on my mind was the second gun that I had hid under my bed. It was calling out my name. But it sounded just like the voices. Just a few more minutes before I would finally silence them forever.

Part 21

It took Chris over an hour to get me home. I didn't even notice. I just sat in the front seat and stared outside. I didn't see the scenery but I didn't feel like talking to Chris either. It also didn't surprise me when I saw two new cars parked outside. Justin had had plenty of time to call the others to tell them what had happened.

Chris led the way to the house. I wanted to go straight upstairs to end this misery but Chris took a firm hold of my arm and pulled me towards the living room.

Joey and Lance were sitting on the couch staring at Justin who was still sniffling.

'There you are.' Joey jumped up. 'Chris, what's going on?'

Chris shrugged and sat down in the chair closest to the door. He looked at me but I didn't want to sit down.

'Joshua has something to tell you all. After he is finished Justin will make a little announcement too.' Chris crossed his arms and sat back.

I stared at my shoes and started talking.

'I never lost my memory. I knew who I was. I even attended my funeral. I was hurt and I had to get away.'

I didn't look up. There was no need to. I already knew that Lance and Joey would be staring at me with their mouths open and disbelief in their eyes.

'Josh tried to kill himself at the cemetery today. He is feeling guilty for what he did. He didn't succeed. The gun was empty.' Said Chris.

I raised my head and looked at Joey and Lance. I was right. Lance's mouth was hanging open and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. Joey was shaking his head.

'I had offered him my heart.' I softly said. 'I gave him all I had to give and he stepped on it. I wanted to die. And than this chance came along. I was given the chance to start a new. How many people have this chance?'

I started to focus on Justin. He looked so young, so fragile.

'I enjoyed it at first. But starting a new life didn't mean that I could forget everything that had happened, I still loved Justin. After a while I started to feel guilty. I had murdered a man. I knew who was buried in my place. I knew that I was hurting a family more than I should.'

I cleared my throat and continued.

'Justin came to me. He told me about Eve and about the baby. And I felt sorry for him. Sorry enough to come back. To turn many lives back upside down again to find out that everything had been a lie. '

Justin closed his eyes and I turned my head.

'I don't want or deserve to live.'

'No!'

Joey jumped up.

'You do deserve to live. You've done so much. We'd all miss you. That must count for something. It can't be that bad what Justin lied about, can it?'

I shook my head.

'You don't know the truth Joey. You don't...'

'Maybe.' Justin interrupted me. 'Maybe it's time for me to tell Chris and Joey what I've been lying about.'

I cocked my head and looked Justin.

'Be my guest.'

Justin crossed his arms in front of him and it made him look even younger.

'I was never married. My wife didn't die and her name wasn't Eve.'

I kept my eyes on Lance as Justin started his story. He had them closed and tears slowly streamed down his face.

'I was a virgin when I took that girl to my room but after I had slept with her I felt so dirty. I got so angry, mostly with me, and I kicked her out. I just threw her out of my room without anything, no money; just the same dirty feeling I had. Lance found her crying outside my room and took her to his room to get a shower and...' Justin paused. He bit his lip not to cry again.

'Lance called me into his room a few months later and she was there too. She told me that she was pregnant and that I had to be the father. I couldn't and didn't want to believe her. I was so ashamed. I was suppose to be the perfect son in law.'

Justin's voice rose.

'I wasn't so perfect. I was and still am gay. I never loved that girl and I used her like she was a cheap whore and now she was carrying my child. But that wasn't all. Lance was in love with her. I started to lie and it became so easy after the first lie. I couldn't stop anymore. I kept up the whole Justin is so perfect idea for months. I'm not so perfect after all. And lying about it caused me loose all I ever wanted.'

Justin buried his face in his hands.

'How I managed to turn JC down? I don't know! The words just tumbled out of my mouth. Chloe... Chloe was the girl... And I sat down right after that and came up with the story of Eve.'

I slowly stepped backwards while Justin was telling his story. I had figured it all out myself. Chloe was too attached to her niece and she had made a few mistakes by calling Gemma hers. I was a good observer and slowly put 2 and 2 together. I hadn't been sure but Justin was confirming my suspicions. So Lance kept quiet to be with the woman he loved and Justin played the poor widower. It would have been so perfect if only I hadn't returned. I stepped into the hall and looked at the stairs. My salvation was hidden in my bed and it was calling my name. I placed my foot on the first step and held my breath. Justin's voice was holding their attention and I took another step and another. I was slowly making my way upstairs. I had to be careful on the fifth step, as that was the one that creaked when stepped on. I skipped that step and sighed with relief. I was almost there. Almost.

'Josh, no!' A hand clamped down on my ankle and I was roughly pulled down. I screamed and tried to hold my balance. My hands clawed at nothing but air as I tried to reach the top of the stairs. I started to kick back with my leg to get Chris' hand of my ankle but I failed to do so.

'Josh, stop it.' A muffled cry of pain told me that I had managed to kick him somewhere. I lost my balance and fell on the steps. I hollered when my jaw hit one of the steps hard. I flipped over so that I was lying on my back and still kicked my legs trying to get Chris of me. Chris' nose was bleeding and I suspected my feet had done that. Chris gained steps on me as he crawled over me.

'Don't do it Josh. Don't try to kill your self again. I don't know what pills or something you have hidden upstairs but don't do it.'

I shook my head violently from side to side. Chris had to go. The voices told me to get rid of him. They were screaming in their high-pitched tones. I covered my ears and was hoping that my eardrums would break. I tried to push Chris of me but he was now straddling my lap. The edges of the steps were pushing hard in my back and I struggled to sit up. I either had to sit up to get Chris of me or remove my hands from my ears to push Chris off. That option seemed the most logical and I removed my hands. I placed them on Chris' chest and started to push. Chris wrapped his hands around my wrists and pulled them away. My eyes locked with his and it was over. I knew that I couldn't fight him or the voices. Their tones were so high. I couldn't stand them anymore. I opened my mouth and started to scream. They were hurting me and they had to stop. Chris pulled me even closer and started to sway us back and forth. I felt a presence behind me and Joey's after-shave filled my nostrils. A second later I felt Lance touch my arm in his familiar way.

I don't know how long I screamed for or how long Chris, Joey and Lance held me. But when I slowly turned my head to the window I saw that sun had gone down. I blinked a few times and rested my chin on Chris' shoulder. Justin stood at the bottom of the steps. He was hugging himself and I never felt more sorry for him than now. The tears had dried on his face, a sad look filled his eyes and he looked at me. I managed to pry my hand free from Chris' and reached out for him. He slowly started to move. Justin's eyes filled with tears again as he reached out with his hand. His fingers slowly slipped around mine and I pulled him close. None of us wanted to move. None of us wanted this moment to end because when it did, it would be all over.

Epilogue

'Five more minutes before you are due on stage.'

The stage manager appeared in my line of vision and I nodded at him.

I raised my arms above my head and took a deep breath. I swung my arms back and released my breath. I repeated the exercise a few times and then got up to move to the mirror. I stared at my reflection and it still surprised me. I hadn't seen myself for almost 16 months apart from the blurry reflection in a window. I sat down in the chair in front of the mirror and closed my eyes for a second.

It was already dawn when we had finally released each other. There were still loads to talk about but I couldn't talk, I didn't want to talk. I was admitted to a mental hospital later that day. I decided that I had to get better first before I could talk to anyone.

I wasn't allowed to see anyone for the first 6 months. It wasn't the easiest period in my life but I managed to get through it. I was allowed to write to whomever I wanted and I wrote the guys a letter every day. Justin was the only who wrote back daily. After 6 months I was allowed to choose whom I wanted to see and I chose Chloe. I wasn't ready to face Justin yet. I had started to open my heart and soul to him in my letters and I was too afraid that he wouldn't want to see me after all of that. Chloe came once every week and kept me posted on the outside world. Occasionally she would bring Gemma with her and those 45 minutes were the main thing that kept me going. After a year I was allowed more visitors and my family came over whenever they could. We had so much to talk about; so much pain that had been caused needed to be washed away. Still I hadn't seen any of the lads.

I knew exactly what they were up to. Nsync was over the moment we released each other on the steps. Too much had happened for the others to continue the way they had. Lance and Chloe moved in together. Gemma lived with them during the week; she stayed with her father during the weekends when he was there. Chris had worked very hard to expand his company. Fumanskeeto now also produced alternative albums, films and videos. Joey was making and starring in movies. That only left Justin. Justin traveled the world for months. He was hurt and rejected that I didn't want to see him but his letters remained frequent. I didn't have any addresses to write back to but I made sure that he came home to a house full of letters on the few occasions he returned home.

I left the hospital after almost 16 months there. Chloe and Lance were there to pick me up. I had asked Chloe to find me a flat to live in, as I didn't want to move back in with Justin. The first few seconds between Lance and me were a little awkward but he started smiling and scooped me in one of the biggest hug I had ever received from Lance. Joey and Chris were very busy on the other side of the country but my flat was filled with flowers sent by them and Joey had even sent me a crate of my favorite beer. Not a word from Justin but somehow I didn't expect that. We had talked and confessed our love in our letters but it was so easy to entrust your words to a piece of paper.

I was home for a week when someone I had met in the hospital contacted me. His father was organizing a small independent film festival and I was asked to hand out an award. I immediately agreed and that's how I ended up backstage with a few minutes left before I had to go on stage. My first public appearance since the Rosie O'Donnell show and I was scared shitless.

'You ready?' The stage manager appeared behind me and I nodded. I rose to my feet and followed him through the maze of corridors to get to the stage.

'There is a local band playing now, the host will shortly introduce you and than you are on.' He pressed a white envelope in my hand. 'Read this before announcing the winner.'

I nodded and he was gone. I peeked through the curtains to see the crowd. It was a large crowd for such a small festival but they had some great independent movies. I scanned through the rows until I had found who I was looking for. Joey fiddled with his tie and his date kept pushing his hands away. Chris was bobbing his head up and down to the beat of the music. Lance and Chloe were talking and... I gasped. Justin was sitting next to Lance and he looked breathtaking. He was supposed to be in the outback of Australia. I swallowed away the bile rising in my throat. I quickly did a few exercises to calm me down.

The host walked past me and patted me on my shoulder. He wished me good luck and walked on stage. He thanked the local band and gave them some time to receive the applause.

'We have a special guest with us today. He hasn't appeared on stage for months but he was more than willing to help us hand out the award for best overall movie/director. Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Joshua Chasez.'

I heard a gasp go through the crowd as I walked on stage. I let my eyes wander over the crowd and locked them with Chloe's. She winked and gave me an encouraging smile.

'Good evening. I'm here to hand out the award for the best overall movie/director. The nominees for the award are.' I read a short summary of each movie and told the crowd who had directed it.

'The fifth and final nominee is Can't fight the moonlight, directed by Joseph Fatone. The movie tells the story about a man who thinks that he is guilty of a murder he didn't commit. The movie reflects the man's struggle to stay sane enough to find the true killer and to clear his conscious. The movie and the music are produced by Fuman skeeto and Freelance.'

I folded away the paper with my text and took the envelope I was given before by the stage manager.

'Before I announce who the winner is I would like to read out this telegram.' I quickly scanned the text and found it so hard to hide my proud smile.

'We, the Academy awards, would like to congratulate Joseph Fatone for his nomination for best movie in the upcoming Academy awards.'

I heard a scream coming from where Joey was sitting and I smiled.

'It's now time to announce the winner for the best overall movie/director.'

I opened the envelope and checked the card.

'The winner is.' I paused. 'Joseph Fatone for Can't fight the moonlight.'

I had to read out more information but the crowd was cheering so loudly that I decided to toss the cards in the air and wait for Joey to come on stage.

Joey almost ran onstage. He wrapped his arms around me and breathed; 'I got nominated!'

He released me and walked to the microphone.

'I'd like to ask Chris, Lance and Justin to get onstage too please as they played a major part in getting me here.'

Chris, Lance and Justin got up and made their way to the stage. Chris instantly came up to me to hug me. I laughed and almost crushed him. Lance smiled at me and quickly hugged me. Justin stayed back and looked at me. He was gorgeous. All the weeks spent in the outback of Australia left a golden tan on his body. His hair was blonder than ever and I wanted to jump him right there and than.

Joey started to thank everyone but his words were lost on me. All I could see was Justin and the shy way he looked at the stage. We were gently rushed off stage as soon as Joey was done. Joey was pushed towards the pressroom and the rest including me were sent to a small dressing room where we had to wait before the others could go back to their seats.

Chris went straight to the fridge to get some drinks and Lance of course joined him, leaving Justin and me alone. Justin was still staring at the ground. I stepped closer to him and was fighting the urge to touch him.

'Just?'

His head jerked up and his blue eyes locked with mine.

'I didn't... I thought... You were...' He stuttered.

I slowly smiled and reached out. I gently touched his cheek and traced his jaw line.

'It was a surprise for all of you. I didn't know that you were back already.'

'Sorry that...'

I placed my finger on his lips. 'Don't please. We have apologized enough in our letters.'

Justin smiled weakly.

'I've meant every word I wrote down.' I sighed. 'I still love you.'

Justin closed his eyes and I bit my lip.

'Do you want me to go?' I softly asked him.

Justin shook his head.

'Do you want me to...'

He grabbed my hand and pulled me close. My chest was molded against his and I could feel his heart beat. He laced his fingers through my now shoulder length long hair and spoke softly. 'We have talked enough. It's time for action.'

His lips sank down on mine. We started off like a pair of teenagers sharing their first kiss. I tasted his lip balm when I ran my tongue over his lips. He sighed and I took that chance to explore his mouth. A shudder went through my body from head to toe when my tongue touched his. Our kiss grew more passionate and our bodies were pressed together. I never wanted to let go anymore. I wanted to die right here right now knowing that I was the happiest man on earth.

Justin was the first to break away. He looked at me through half closed eyes lids and he was panting.

'I... I dreamt of this... I...' He swallowed and gasped for some breath. 'Don't ever go again...'

His hand grabbed my shirt and he hugged me tight. 'I don't want to be alone again.'

I inhaled his scent and pressed my nose against his neck.

'I'm not going anywhere. I'm here now.'

He pushed me backwards a little and carefully looked at me. His eyes scanned my face looking for something that I hoped he wouldn't find.

'Your eyes.' He whispered. 'Your eyes are alive again.'

I couldn't help but smile. That was the best compliment I had received so far.

He pulled me close again and I melted in his embrace. I was home... I had managed to get over so many hurdles and with my medication I would be able to control my borderline schizophrenia. I was finally home...

The end

That's it for now. I'm still working on When my pretty boy sleeps. Be patient, my college exams are about to start!

Thank you for reading and good night.