Happy new year to all who are reading this. Please check out my other story: when my pretty boy sleeps... Thank you to all who've sent me feedback.
this story is dedicated to Red
Disclaimer: not true. It's a fictional story...
Part 3
I'm a hero! I got a medal and my picture was in the newspaper. Joshua Scott was the hero of this town. I didn't do much. I took the kids swimming. Mae and Ian have 2 great kids. There's this lake right outside town. With a little beach and all. I was swimming and suddenly I heard people yell. I looked up and a child nearly drowned in front of me. It's was only a little kid. He couldn't have been older than 2. His massive brown eyes were filled with tears and fear. I grabbed the child and swam to shore. Everyone patted me on the back. I had saved the Major's son. I didn't want all of this but the major insisted. So I got a medal and a free dinner. Luke, the little kid, went to dinner with me and pictures were taken for the local newspaper. I was a little famous. And I loved it. I put on my JC smile for the camera and I worked my charm on the waitress. It was great. But it was just for once. I was so relieved that it was over and that I could go home afterwards. No girls screaming my name, trying to rip the clothes of my body. Just peace and quiet and my cockroaches.
I found myself in front of the TV again. I had managed 3 whole months without any *Nsync appearances on TV. But this was different. This was the Grammy Awards. They were nominated for 3 awards. But I wasn't alone. Mae and Ian were there with me. I could see Mae glance at the kitchenette. She heard the cockroaches for sure.
'Joshua?'
I chuckled.
'They are harmless, Mae.'
I could tell that she didn't believe me.
The show started and I fell that little pang of jealousy again. The little urge to be there.
The show was great. I cheered for all the artists that won. But still there were those three categories to come. The camera occasionally showed the four guys with their dates. I recognised Dani. Chris had his arm wrapped around her. They looked perfect together. The guys were dressed in tuxedos and the girls in long, black gowns. I didn't know the girl sitting next to Justin. I only noticed the fact that he was playing with my pendant again. The camera moved to Lance and Joey. They were talking to their dates. I had seen the girls before but I couldn't recall their names. The camera swung back to the stage. A new up and coming boyband was asked to present the next award. They held a long talk about how fickle the business was and how soon things could be over. It took me a minute to realise that they were talking about JC. They showed a short clip of the videos that were nominated. *Nsync was the last video.
The youngest member of the group opened the envelop and smiled.
'And the winner is *Nsync.'
I jumped up at the same time as the guys did.
'We won, we won.'
I yelled and hugged Ian. I didn't even noticed the strange look on his face. I was so happy. We had worked so hard for all these years and now we've won a Grammy.
I sat down again. I didn't win that Grammy. I was dead. The others won it.
'Are you ok?' Mae had noticed the sudden mood swing.
'I'm ok. I think I just came out of the closet as an *Nsync fan didn't I?'
Mae and Ian started laughing. We all stared at the screen again. The guys made their way to the stage. It was very ironic to see how people suddenly greeted them. People who had ignored them before.
Lance was the first on stage. He accepted the award and cleared his throat.
'We'd like to thank god and our families for helping us get through a difficult time. We are working on a new album. Thank you for all the support.'
Chris and Joey just nodded and waved at the crowd. They all walked away from the stage when Justin suddenly turned around to the microphone and said:
'Joshua Scott, this one is for you, where ever you may be.'
A chill ran down my spine. I swallowed hard.
'That was sweet.'
Mae's voice entered through the fog that formed in my head. I turned my head and looked at her.
'Sweet?' My voice sounded strange.
'He dedicated that award to that man who died a few months back.'
I nodded.
Ian kept that strange look in his eyes.
'Something wrong Ian?'
My voice sounded normal again.
'Nah, that hug caught me by surprise.'
I tried to watch TV again but I couldn't. Justin's words kept going through my mind. What if he did know the truth? He didn't say that he knew where I was, did he? All I could do was sit and wait. I had no other option.
Part 4
I lived in fear for a whole week. Each knock on the door, each call at the restaurant made my life a living hell. I expected Justin to barge in to drag me back to Orlando. I finally gave myself some rest after a week. It normal that the phone rang at the restaurant and I didn't have a phone in my apartment. That was a bit of self-protection from my side. I couldn't give in to the temptation if I had nothing to tempt me with. Besides I had other things to worry about. My dad didn't start of the way I had planned it. My heating failed me and I had to take a cold shower. I made a mental note to check if I had paid the bill this month. After my very cold shower I found 3 dead cockroaches in my kitchenette. Nancy, Kelly and Simone. Needless to say that I was in a bad mood by the time I arrived at work. IT wasn't too busy so my mood didn't sink any lower. It was a warm night and we left the door open when the last guest left. I sat down at the piano while Mae and Ian sat at a small table. They sipped their coffee as I played some soft tunes. I was so wrapped up in the music that I didn't hear someone come in. Nor did I hear the voice mix with mine.
I came out of my trance when Mae started clapping. She never clapped before.
'Wow that was so great. Have you sung together before?'
I froze. I sat with my back towards Mae but my senses told me that she didn't mean Ian. I turned around ever so slow.
He sat at a table next to Mae. His hair was covered with a cap and he was dressed in dark blue.
'What happened to black for a year?'
I cringed. Was that the only thing I could come up with?
'Black doesn't do me well.'
His voice was like warm honey sliding down my throat. A familiar stirring in my groin told me that I had a long way to go before I was over him. His voice could still turn me on. I rose to my feet.
'I'm going home Mae. I've three funerals to prepare.'
Mae smiled.
'The acid is working?'
I paled.
'Acid?'
Mae nodded happily.
'The cockroaches should be dead within 24 hours.'
'No!'
I grabbed my coat and ran. I didn't care if he followed me or not. My friends were being poisoned. Maybe I could save them. I could put them in the shower. Or clean out the kitchenette.
My lungs were burning by the time I arrived home. I was in desperate need of a work out. I throw the door open and ran to the kitchenette. I feel on my knees and started to whimper. Most of them were dead already. They were all lying in a corner. As if they crawled together in pain. I heard a little scratching next to me and I saw Joey crawling towards me. I sighed with relief. He seemed alright. I grabbed a bowl and placed him in the bowl. It took me a few more minutes before I had found all the living cockroaches. I placed them in a bowl and gave them some breadcrumbs.
He had been standing in my flat all this time. He had a surprised look on his face when he saw me handle the cockroaches. I decided to ignore him for a few more minutes as I cleaned up the dead bugs. I placed them in the shoebox with Nancy, Kelly and Simone. I closed the lid and mumbled a short prayer.
'Are you ok?'
His words startled me. What was I suppose to answer?
'Do I look ok to you?'
I turned around and finally stared him in the eye.
He looked older. And tired. He sure looked tired.
'JC, how...'
'JC is dead.' My own cold voice scared me.
He frowned not knowing what to call me.
'Joshua.' He had guessed right.
'Joshua, do you hate me?'
His childlike innocence broke my heart. He had done it again.
'I don't hate you, Justin.' I sank down in my chair. 'Believe me when I say that I've tried to hate you with all my heart.'
'Than why did you hurt me?'
Ok, this has to stop right now. I don't need another guilt trip.
'I hurt you? Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't you crush my heart? Didn't you calmly tell me that you were getting married right after I told you that I loved you? For years I had tried to change the way I feel. I had no idea how to tell you and you reacted like that. Now who's hurting whom here?'
He covered his face with his hands. The small golden wedding band didn't go unnoticed by me.
'Go home Justin, forget you ever saw me. Go back to your wife and forget about me.'
I sounded bitter and angry.
'I can't.'
Those two words turned my life upside down again.
His hands fell down his sides and he stared at me with tears in his eyes.
'Everyone thought that I was the coldest bastard alive because I couldn't cry over you. How could I cry when I knew that you weren't dead.'
'How come you were so sure?'
'I felt it in my heart. And you conveniently took several belongings with you that I know you wouldn't take if you went for a little drive.'
'Do the others...?'
'No, I'm the only one.'
He moved from his spot and walked to the couch.
'I wasn't sure. It could be that you had planned a weekend away or something. But than I found this newspaper article about a Joshua Scott in Utah. I saw the picture and I knew that it was you.'
I wanted to scream at him, curse him for hurting me, hugging him. I wanted to do so much but I couldn't move. My vocal cords were paralysed. All I could feel and hear was my frantic beating heart.
He sat down and stared at me. His eyes scanned every inch of my body.
'I can't go back.'
'What drove you away Joshua? What made do what you did?'
'It's not what. It's who.'
He looked confused.
'You made me do it Justin. You forced me to make a dramatic decision.'
I got up and walked to the bathroom, as that was the only place with a door that I could lock. Tears were already streaming down my face. I wanted him more than ever. And I couldn't have him. I locked the door behind me and prayed. I hoped that by the time I had gathered enough courage to open that door again, he wouldn't be there anymore. I prayed that it was all a dream and that I wake up alone again.
Part 5
I sat there waiting for hours. Mae's voice made me move. My limbs were sore and my muscles screamed in protest. I shuffled to the front door and let Mae in. She instantly hugged me.
'That young man from last night told me that you were pretty upset that I killed the cockroaches.'
Her warm arms and gentle voice started another crying session. I sobbed in her arms and she led me to the couch.
'Why are you so upset Joshua?'
'They were my friends. Part from you and Ian they were the only friends I had.'
I heard Mae sniffle too.
'Oh Joshua.'
She hugged me tighter. I felt another pair of arms slip around my waist. I froze. His scent tickled my sense. I got up and moved to the window. Again I prayed that he would leave. But I knew Justin for so many years now and I knew that he wouldn't give up.
He walked up behind me. Each nerve in my body moved to red alert. The little hairs on the back of my neck started to tingle.
'Go home, Justin. There's nothing you can do here. You can't convince me to come back. JC is dead and he will never come back again.'
'I can't.'
His voice was close. I could feel his breath on my skin. In the reflection of the window I saw Mae leave the flat, closing the door softly.
'Of course you can. Go back to your wife. I'm sure that she is lovely.'
'I can't.'
I turned my head and looked at him. His eyes were staring at something outside.
'I did something stupid Josh.'
Josh. The nickname made me shiver. The way he pronounced it.
His eyes locked with mine.
'I felt lonely one night. Completely alone and cold. I went downstairs and took a girl to my room. I lost my virginity to a random girl that night.'
My mouth fell open. Justin a virgin? His eyes closed after seeing my shocked reaction.
'She left before I woke up and once again I was in a cold bed all alone. I forgot about her until a few months later. Her father had written me a letter. She was pregnant and told him that I was the father of the child. I flew down to meet with him. It turned out that she was from a very religious family and had gone against her father's wishes. She was also a virgin before that night. I agreed to a blood test and joined the band again as an engaged man. The father made me promise to marry her to save the family's honour.'
Justin shivered slightly. I wanted to touch him but I couldn't.
'I was so confused about the whole thing. I didn't feel anything after I had slept with her. I felt dirty and disgusting. And it wasn't just because she was just someone I picked up. It felt wrong. I... It was... Girls didn't... Girls didn't attract me.'
My heart leaped. Justin's eyes opened and they seemed to pierce straight through to my soul.
'I was still not sure about me and my feelings when you suddenly decided to drop the bomb. I had no idea how to react. I was getting married and about to be a father. That look on your face will haunt me for the rest of my life. I've never seen such despair and pain.'
Justin suddenly turned away from me. My body felt cold.
'I got married to Eva that's the girl, three days after your confession. The baby was due two weeks after you disappeared. Eva gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I was there when she was born and that's the best thing in my life so far. But Eva caught a virus. They managed to keep her alive for 2 months. And than I had to choose.'
Justin covered his face with his hands.
'I needed my best friend to be there. I needed him to tell me that I was making the right choice. I needed his shoulder to cry on when they pulled the plug. I needed his support when she was buried and I was left with a baby. I needed you Josh.'
I fought back tears but I failed. Justin looked up at me. His eyes were filled with tears.
'I didn't love Eva but I cared for her. I had to go through it all alone. No one knew. Not even the other lads. They wouldn't understand. Not as you would have. I searched the Internet night after night until I finally found you. I was so sure that you were alive. You had to be.'
His voice was lowered into a whisper.
My mind was slowly digesting what Justin told me. He got a girl pregnant and married her. She died and he never told anyone.
'Did I make the right choice Josh? Was it a mistake to come here? Was it a mistake to take Eva up to my room?'
I shook my head. I covered the distance between us and wrapped my arms around him. His body moulded against mine. He buried his head in my shoulder. His warm tears soaked my shirt as I rubbed his back. I had no idea what to say. What could I say?
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