Butterfly

BUTTERFLY

by

Stefan http://stefan680.tripod.com/stefanstories/

"This virgin-boy is destined to be the boyfriend of no

mortal lover. His future husband awaits him on the top

of the mountains. He is a monster whom neither gods nor

men can resist."

The ancient voice echoed through the stark white Corinthian pillars of the temple.

My knees threatened to give way. What had I done to deserve such a prospect of living with a monster? I knew the gods were jealous, but it wasn't my fault. I was delivered to divine moods, which sway like a ship distressed at sea, playing with us humans as they like, pushing us from one playground's side to the other and expecting adoration for this treatment.

I had a sour taste in my mouth. The gods are without reason, without pity and without compassion. How could they do this to me? And how had the Oracle knowledge that I was still a virgin? Surely it did know everything - like the gods. They knew about my love games with my companions since childhood for instance, even if we hadn't allowed everything - yet.

Thick fumes welled up from Hestia's altar where a fire from spruce was smoking. I smelled the intoxicating fragrance of frankincense, laudanum and henbane and it made Pythia - the Oracle of Delphi - for some moments invisible.

I heard grumbling behind my back. And a sobbing: my mother and sisters. The fumes vanished, but the smell remained in my short tunic and in the shimmering ringlets of my black hair.

The eyes of the priestess were unfocused. She was sitting on her three- legged stool in her oracle-cell, chewing laurel. My gaze fastened on the Omphalos, the navel of the world, between Zeus' golden eagles. My mind was numb, obliterated.

I had been sold down the river to the biggest monster Greece had seen, and all because my beauty even bettered the gods - so they say. It made Apollo envious my mother had told me, and I'm sure this Pythia was just a compliant object in the hand of the most adored god Apollo. The gods never show any sign of compassion nor of pity, and their words are unchangeable as the mountains.

A heavy touch on my shoulder. "Follow, Demetrios. Be a good son."

I was guided out of Apollo's temple where I stood and turned my gaze to the austere mountain scenery. High above the temple towered the frightening dark rocks of the Phaidriad from which the death-sentenced were thrown to the ground. King's eagles circled over their eyries, their cries shrill and creepy.

People said my beauty was beyond description. They talked as if I was Aphrodite incarnated as a male mortal - a new god of love. Aphrodite's temple was empty and her festivals neglected, and instead of visiting the temple of the sweet goddess, people made long pilgrimages to see the greatest beauty of their time: the prince Demetrios - myself. They scattered flowers in my path and addressed me by the titles that belonged to Aphrodite.

But I didn't have any lover as my little mate who wasn't too reverential to touch me as a mortal - who I was - nor to speak to me as an equal for I was waiting for the right man to come. Tyros was lovely, but he was still a child in the mind. My parents didn't know what to do and had brought me here to find out about my fate.

"Know yourself and find the god in you" - that's the first of the seven wisdoms of the gods, which are carved in one wall of Apollo's temple. That's the wisdom of Helios, the god of sun. But what was I supposed to find in myself?

My lips were burning since I had woken up that morning and it seemed as if there had been a pair of downy wings brushing my cheeks and a balmy drop of water brought joy to my body. But the pleasant taste had turned into bitterness like the two waters coming from Aphrodite's garden - one of sweet water, the other bitter. I thought I heard a whisper but it was gone when I had opened my eyes and my parents had carried me on to this unhappy mysterious place to hear the prediction of Fate.

I was destined to an immortal monster: a monster whom neither gods nor men can resist. I wondered how this fitted together.

My sisters mourned me and followed my parents up to the hill, accompanied by many inhabitants of the town I lived, singing praises, strewing chaplets and flowers. The procession resembled a funeral rather than nuptial pomp and amid the lamentations of the people we ascended the mountain, on the summit of which they left me alone.

I am the most beautiful and loveliest of all monstrous beings.

I am timeless.

I am bitter-sweet, cruel and charming to my victims.

I am the most loved and the most loving.

It had been a cool winter's day and I was tired of playing with my mate Anteros - the boy my mother gave me because I languished from loneliness. She couldn't foresee the turn our fondness would make. Outwardly she watched with loving eyes the small boys playing with arrows and Apollo's Kythera; the adolescents who measured themselves with wrestling and javelin, the adults who exchanged love and affection and she missed the point when a game became serious.

Anteros was my companion since my early youth but on that special day my look fell upon HIM, the king's son. The most adorable human. I was with him all the time, invisible like the air surrounding him. Anteros was more than jealous. He used every trick he knew to make me forget that human beauty. But he failed.

My mother was cross because the people of his home town paid more homage to my desired one than to her own temple. Though beautiful herself, she got envious of the attention people brought to a mortal being and nothing is worse than a nagging and malevolent woman, especially if she is a goddess.

I never left the object of my adoration and neglected my work: to arouse love, allurements and desire. I learnt his name was Demetrios but to me he was Butterfly. My soul mate. Winged like myself, translucent like my invisibility, soft like Helios' kiss in early Spring.

I mirrored myself in his anthracite eyes, counted his eyelashes when he was asleep, guided his dreams when my companion Hypnos wanted to send him nightmares. I even disobeyed the order of my mother who told me to punish that contumacious beauty - so that my pain would be double.

I still can see her in her apple green, silky chiton, girded by a silver belt, her arms bare, the cloth held over her shoulders with bronze fibulas of finest structure. I have inherited her golden hair which falls in a rich abundance along my and her back.

Her eyes were full of wrath as she spat out: "Infuse into the bosom of that haughty boy a passion for some low, mean, unworthy being, so he may reap a mortification as great as his present exultation and triumph."

With a scornfully outstretched arm she instructed me what to do: Two fountains are in her garden - one of sweet water to bring joy to any lips touched by this one, the other of bitterness to bring mishap and unhappy fortune.

I filled two amber vases, one from each fountain and hastened to the chamber of my secret beloved. He was lying in the arms of another youth, surely unnoticed by his parents and my heart made a jump. Unluckily a drop from the bitter water touched his lips and I was confused so that I wounded myself with my own arrow by chance. Now there wasn't a return. I was in love.

He awoke and licked his lips. The large anthracite eyes stared directly through me being invisible. Quickly I dropped some of the sweet water over his face, lips and hair, then wounded him too with my dove-feathered arrow and left him.

We were bonded for eternity with one exception: my Butterfly was mortal. He would die some day, leaving me disconsolately behind, in love for ever. I had both wounds to prove it.

I stood on the mountains ridge, panting with fear. A wild wind rushed over the grass. Below me I could see those lovely olive groves, their leaves silvery in the sunlight. Goats peacefully grazed and even further below lay my home town with the palace of my royal father.

I wondered why I deserved it, but couldn't find an answer. Was I guilty of hybris? I couldn't do anything about my appearance and I didn't act like a man whose own merit was to be worshipped because of his beauty. It was shallow. I felt there must be somebody who would love me even if I was the ugliest being in Greece; the dream of downy wings brushing my body was still vivid.

The wild wind diminished and calmed down to a gentle, warm breeze. I jumped when I felt a breath in my ear and an unseen wind caressed my hair.

"Let yourself fall," a voice was telling me. I couldn't tell if the voice was old or young, female or male.

"Let yourself fall." it repeated. "Close your eyes."

And I obeyed, closed my eyes, made my limbs go weak and was caught in a soft embrace, like a cloud surrounding me, lifting me off from the ground and carrying me down, beneath the mountain's range. I felt myself being laid down on a bed of grass and flowers amidst a dale. The voice was gone.

When I opened my eyes I found myself near a dark grove of tall and stately trees. Gathering up my courage I entered it, prepared to meet my husband hiding there in the darkest cave, ready to abuse or to kill me.

But soon there was a clearing and amidst it a fountain, sending forth clear and crystal waters, and fast by, a magnificent palace so impressive, that it surely couldn't be the work of a mortal hand. Even the palace of my father was greatly inferior.

I admired the building and wondered if this could be the house of Greece's most terrifying monster. It couldn't have that good taste, could it? Finally I ventured to enter. I stepped on floors made of gems and set in gold; marble pillars shrouded the rooms, walls with rich carvings and paintings representing rural scenes where men chased each other, embraced and made love under large cypresses. I couldn't comprehend the mass of jewels, embroidered dresses and chalices encrusted with pearls while I wandered around in awe.

Then once more voices filled the rooms, addressing me to have a bath.

"Supper awaits you in the adjoining alcove when it pleases you to take your seat there."

This all couldn't be the work of a gruesome monster I thought, and, now with lighter heart, enjoyed the steaming water of a golden bathtub and then seated myself in the alcove where a table immediately presented itself without any visible aid from waiters or servants and covered with the greatest delicacies of food and the most nectarous wines. I never had such a delectable meal for my father led a rather spartan life.

There he was lying in the bed I had made for the two of us, covered it with the finest linen and silk I could find. He was tired after the meal and wine I knew he wasn't used to. It was complete dark outside; Helios had gone to rest in his golden chariot which carried him around the earth from the west to the east where he would wake up again next morning. My friends the stars and moon had agreed to hide their faces so it would be pitch dark. He was now my husband but he didn't have to see me - ever. It was the promise I had to give Apollo for his gift of this palace and the false oracle he forced the priests of Delphi to give. He wanted me to be happy, knowing about my mishap with the arrows.

I know I was admiring Demetrios' beauty before but I was aware that I was a god and he was mortal and real love couldn't exist for us, no matter if I had wounded both of us with my love-arousing arrows.

This sparse time I would use to make us happy and if fortune would be with us, then Zeus would perhaps grant a secret wish.

On silent wings I flew into the room where Demetrios' steady breath told me that he was asleep. He feared no monster. I mumbled a word and my wings disappeared, they would be in my way. Through my divine eyes I could see him in the darkness, lying on his stomach, the bed clothes covering his slender body. Cautiously I pushed them aside and sent my warm breath over his back, my tongue running down his spine, stopping at his buttocks. I ran my palms over them. A moan told me that he was awoke and liked what I was doing. I shed my chiton and laid above him, covering him completely, losing divine droplets of excitement in his crack.

I was awake instantly as soon as I felt a weight upon my body, the erect penis nestling in my crack, wetting it with droplets of excitement. I was blind but heard his breathing. He called me Butterfly and moved me gently onto my back. My hands reach upwards to substitute my useless eyes. He had long locks falling to both sides of his shoulders, and he was licking my fingers, one after the other. I've never touched a skin so smooth, lips so sweet, a tongue so playful yet gentle. I melted under his touch and the fact that I couldn't see him gave my senses a new fire. How clumsy my encounters with Tyros had been... Wetness covered the skin between my legs where his tongue was leaving trails and I was painfully hard, yearning for release he wasn't willing to give me so soon.

He was above me, giving me his member to taste, while he was sucking on my own until I gushed into his sweet mouth. I heard him purring and I doubled my efforts but he pulled away from me and turned to straddle me, his hardness heavy between my spread legs.

He was more than I had expected, joyful and willing, without fear. Trustfully he surrendered to my guide. His smell intoxicated me and just my strong will was the master of my inflamed body. He was open as soon as I had touched him with my divine hand and I wouldn't hurt him. He was whimpering now, wanting more, his cheeks flushed, his forehead covered in sweat. I brushed the black ringlets out of his eyes and kissed him deeply, transferring the last taste of his semen into his mouth. My penis was aching.

I rose to my knees, turned him, so that his back was to my chest, wetted his hole with my liquid and slowly he lowered his body, my penis entered him, breaking the virgin barrier. I heard him gasping in pleasure when I moved gently, touching his member, bringing it to full erection once more, pulling back his foreskin, circling around the head. I kissed his neck, the shoulders, every place I could reach while his movements got faster, he wriggled his butt to increase the pleasure until I was almost losing my mind.

I felt him touching a spot inside my body which left me almost losing my mind. His tongue was drinking my sweat, his long fingers clasping my penis, rubbing it up and down. I'm sure that the room was filled with our breathing, even cries when we came together, I was filled with his semen and covered with my own, and I didn't want to lose him so soon. He was still hard, lifting himself and pushed me gently forward, until I was lying again on my stomach, he still in me, outstretched on my back, whispering words into my ear I didn't understand. Gradually our heartbeats slowed down, but his cock was hard as ever.

"Butterfly", he murmured from behind.

"Who are you?" I asked my unknown lover.

"It doesn't matter." The bronze voice was ancient like the priestess' voice and reverberated in the room. I shivered and tried to turn around but I was still impaled by him and moaned.

"Are you the monster mortals and gods are fearing?" I asked once more.

He moved inside me, gently, taking pace and murmured through closed lips

"Yes".

I flinched but couldn't help but enjoy the movements, although I felt sore.

"Don't fear me." He suppressed an outcry as he came into me, digging his teeth into my neck. His excitement subsided.

"Don't leave me", I said.

"Not before the morning."

I wriggled from under his body, tried to pierce the darkness to see his face but I couldn't. I groped for the oil lamp standing next to the bed but he quickly took hold of my hand. "Don't", he said gently. "You mustn't behold me. Have you any doubt of my love? If you saw me perhaps you would fear me, perhaps adore me. All I ask of you is to love me. Love me as an equal." His bronze voice filled the whole room.

"I can't love you if I can't see you."

There was silence. I knew he was disappointed and I bent over him to stroke his face. I felt he was the echo of my wishes - to be loved even if I would be the ugliest being in whole Greece. "You will be absent during the days? So I will never see who shares my nights?"

I felt him nodding. The locks of his hair were damp. I wondered which colour they were.

Demetrios was sad and disappointed. But I feared he would fear me if he ever knew my identity. Apollo was right. We both would enjoy love only if I hid my divinity. I put my lips on his swollen ones, soft like a ripe pomegranate, and took him into my arms.

"Let us sleep."

"Will you be there in the morning?"

"No."

There was no protest from his side. His hands outlined the contours of my body as if he was eager to imprint them into his palms while his eyes couldn't see me.

This was the long craved moment for me after all those times of watching. I was happy, more than I had been with Anteros and it was hard for me to leave him before sunrise. He was still asleep when I rose, broke loose from his warmth; murmured a word and flew out of the window, towards the sunrise. Eos outstretched her rosy fingers to send her first rays over the earth. I greeted her silently and she smiled back.

Anteros was awaiting me, lying in our bed with open eyes. He looked

like me - just the darker side of my merry being. Without a word he

was holding up a chalice of ambrosia and I took it.

"You won't be able to hide it from mother." he said sinisterly. "Even I know, no matter how far away your new palace is. Apollo's muses were garrulous, they told me that he mustn't behold you."

I smirked. "Jealous?"

"By Tisiphone, yes!" With one swift motion he dropped his chiton and stood naked before my eyes, his silvery necklace shimmering when it was met by a sunbeam. "What's there to complain? What is there that I don't have?"

His long hair cascaded over his shoulders, over his chest and hid his nipples. I didn't have to inspect him to know that he was perfect but he wasn't Butterfly, my soul mate. The one I was destined to love.

"You still smell like him," he said. He came closer and opened my lips with his tongue. I reacted instantly, still in uproar from last night, my soft penis lifting and mingling with his own. He slipped off my quiver of arrows and opened the gold fibula which held my chiton. His hands embraced the round globes of my butt cheeks, making me open and ready in the blink of an eye; just like gods and magicians are able to do. I was too weak to fight the pleasant feelings and I took it as a farewell gift to my Anteros - comrade of my youth, divine as myself, equal to me.

He pushed me down upon the furs covering our bed, and entered me, first with his tongue, then with his fingers, then with his prick and I enjoyed every second of it, watching his eyes closed in bliss while I couldn't suppress a cry coming from my mouth. Silently I asked forgiveness and conjured Demetrios' face before my inner eye.

"You're deathless and unaging", Anteros hissed near my ear. "What do you want from a mortal that I can't give you? He isn't more beautiful than I am."

I couldn't argue. Anteros stared into my face, searching for an answer I couldn't give.

"It's fate", I mumbled.

"Fate?" Anteros' penis began to shrivel inside me and I regretted it. The next minute he would leave me forever.

"Speak with Fate and she will release you from your task." His penis slipped out and lay motionless between my legs.

"Nonsense. I've wounded myself and that's forever." Anteros' face was grey, he knew I was right.

"He's unsuspecting and trusting like a child. He's the mate of my being. I call it soul. Don't you think that love and soul should be together?"

He looked as if I had spoken in a foreign language and I gave up all explanations.

"This Tyros - your Demetrios' lover - is worth an arrow", he said then, his grin mischievously as ever. "Just for a while, please." His translucent eyes were pleading.

"Why do you need an arrow, you're able to seduce every man", I answered. I played with his hole, well hidden in his firm arse cheeks; I knew he loved it. In no time he was hard again - that's the fortune of being a god. I laughed. "No go and show off to Tyros." I stroked his penis for a last time and pushed him from my body, prepared myself for a journey around the known world to see if there was work for me to do.

I missed the look of hatred in Anteros' eyes.

My lovely yet mysterious lover had left me before the crack of dawn. I could feel his warmth clinging in the bed covers and I felt as if it had all been in a dream. Yesterday I had been in horror about the events to come, helplessly delivered to a beast and today I found myself in the most exquisite palace I could imagine. I had experienced a night full of love and passion and I could still smell my lover's scent on my skin.

The invisible voices were there again to serve me, preparing a bath and conjuring meals and still I had no problems about being alone for I had lots of interesting things to look at and to detect.

With nightfall my excitement grew and I didn't go to bed for I was determined to meet my husband once more to ask him to reveal his secret being to me.

A flap of wings told me that he arrived, although I hadn't felt wings on his back before. Did he change his appearance as he liked? A touch on my cheek and he was beside me, pressing his lips upon mine with one exquisitely delicious thrust of his honeyed tongue between my pursed lips. I was trembling to hold him, and that I wasn't able to see him suddenly didn't matter.

While dropping his and my chiton he guided me back to the alcove where the bathtub had appeared with steamy perfumed water where we both revelled in the warmth, washing each other. I could do nothing more than listen to the water splashing and to his low and bronzed voice telling me about landscapes I'd never heard of. I was content and never asked where he had his knowledge from, knowing he wouldn't answer my plea.

We made love for hours and I couldn't be more happy than if I had been transferred to Olympus into a God's bed. But again he left me in the morning and I hadn't been able to have a look of him. My fingers replaced my eyes, my lips and all my other senses so I had a picture of him in my mind. My heart knew that he was a wonderful man but my eyes - the only real window to the world outside - yearned to see and adore him.

He came every night, delighted me with more than earthly pleasures but I felt lonely, all by myself over the long days where I had nobody to talk to. One night he came with a little puppy to accompany my lonesome hours and I called him Hermes, the courier and arbitrator between god and men for he could ran as fast as the wind. Hermes brightened my days, guarded me when I went outside through the forest and further to the dale where the unseen voice once had carried me, where I gathered flowers and berries. But could this be the right work for a man? I felt as if I was in a prison. My family must have thought me death or delivered to the punishments of a brutal being.

I was feeling more and more unhappy and told my beloved one about my sorrow. At least to see one of my sisters would console me to an extent. He didn't agree with me but instead warned me for surely they would try to make me discover what he would look like and that if I would ever agree to this it would be the end of my happiness and I would lose him forever. I swore I would never consent to such a thing and he believed me.

The next day I saw from a distance a familiar figure coming up our palace. Though Hermes began to growl and then to whine. He pressed his body flat to the ground and disappeared under the bed, his paws held over his muzzle. I wondered about this strange behaviour and greeted my sister welcome, asking about the other, she told me she wouldn't be able to come. I guided her around but after some time her voice was getting strained and her eyes sparkled with a danger. She herself was married to a king so I thought the wealth of her palace would be equal. She told me that there was no pleasure in possession when nobody knows about it. I slumped in an armchair and let her talk. I had thought she would be relieved to see me healthy and happy but all she was talking about was the wealth of my husband, and her suspicion because I've never had seen him. She asked me numberless questions, I answered he's a beautiful youth, spending daytime in hunting upon the mountains. I knew she didn't believe me.

"Call to mind", she said, her silvery necklace shimmering when it was met by a sunbeam, "The Pythian oracle that declared you destined to a direful and tremendous monster. The inhabitants of this valley say your husband is a terrible and monstrous serpent, who nourishes you for a while with dainties that he may by and by devour you. Take my advice. Provide yourself with a lamp, put it in concealment that your husband my not discover it, and when he is sound asleep, slip out of bed, bring forth the lamp, and see for yourself whether what they say is true or not. If it is, hesitate not to flee and recover your liberty."

I resisted such ridiculous advice. My lover wasn't a monster, nor a serpent, nor anything. But I remembered the flap of wings I've heard. Serpents do have wings, don't they? Perhaps he was a poor enchanted man and I was the one to rescue him? When she left, I was still undecided what to do.

Night fell over the forest and the oil lamps and the beeswax-candles lit themselves. A large dinner table appeared but I didn't feel hungry. Soon I heard it again - the flapping of downy wings and he was here, pulling me into a tight embrace. I forgot my sister's request instantly while he was asking me how I had spent the day. I told him about my sister but denied her suspicion. He was satisfied, my groping fingers realized that he was smiling. How I would have loved to see his smile... to see the body so smooth, so lithe, so firm. To see his arousal between his legs although my tongue was a good guide for my senses.

I sat on his lap, naked as he was and played with his long and silky locks. They had a smell I've never smelled before and slowly I was asking myself if this scent could be earthly. His kisses were burning, his hands like tiny flames while he whispered "Take me, Butterfly, make me yours." I was fire and flame and all my senses crystal clear as if there was a light to see. I was drinking his nectar, filled him with my own and heard him sighing. If I would only see him, guard his sleep, see him smile...

He fell asleep as I silently rose and took the oil lamp and a small dagger for my protection. With trembling fingers I lit it and held it up. There was not a hideous monster, but the most beautiful and loveliest of all supernatural beings: Eros, the love. With his golden locks falling over chest and arm, wandering over his snowy neck and crimson cheeks, the rosy lips slightly parted, the bed cover pushed aside in sleep to reveal everything I had craved to see.

I was in a state of shock. That was the monster whom neither gods nor men can resist. He was the greatest god and greatest pain whose power air, earth and seas obeyed, and gods themselves had to drag his chains. And he was mine.

A drop of burning oil fell on his shoulder. Startled he opened his eyes and fixed them full on me. Blue shimmering eyes, bluer than a bluebell, brighter than a summer's sky. But now they were shaded with anger and sorrow. Without a word he rose, pulled on his chiton, took the quiver and murmured a word. White downy wings appeared on his back, whiter than snow and with shining feathers like the tender blossoms of spring. He spread them and flew out of the window.

My shock subsided. I called him by his name, asked for his forgiveness for it was just a mistake of mine - natural and all too human. But the gods never show compassion nor any kind of pity. They give and take.

I followed him but tripped over the window sill and fell to the ground. Eros saw me laying, stopped his flight and said sadly, "Oh foolish Demetrios, is it thus you repay my love? After having disobeyed my mother's commands and made you my lover, will you think me a monster? Go back to your sister, I will leave you forever. Love cannot dwell with suspicion."

So saying he fled away, leaving me prostrate on the ground, filling the place with mournful lamentation.

In the palace of my mother lamps were still burning when I arrived. My heart was heavy with sorrow. Why had he felt the need to do this? Betray our love when I had told him that seeing me would part us forever. How could I trust him now? He knew now that I was a God and his mortality must weigh heavy as a stone in his mind. There was no future for us.

Silently I entered the room and heard voices. One of them was my mother's, the other belonged to Anteros.

"Well done, my dear. I was sure you would have been able to fool him. He believed everything you said? Well, then it's just a matter of time when I will see my son entering this room - without him. And he will be yours again."

"He's already here, mother", I said, angrily, suddenly comprehending the plot both had hatched. Mother's facial lines straightened instantly as soon as she saw me and came with outstretched arms to me. But I stepped back, I didn't want her comfort. My gaze was focused on my old lover who held my eyes.

"It was you who told him to reveal my real being", I growled. "Did you tell him to see me as a monster who would consume him by and by?"

A sly grin appeared on Anteros' face. "Now you see: he is just a mortal, who will betray you over and over again. He's rebellious and not able to follow a simple order." He came closer to me. His voice was imploring and low. "But I, I am equal to you. Forget him."

Mother looked at me lovingly and rolled a golden lock between her fingers. "Believe what Anteros say. He is good for you. I have chosen him not without a reason in those old days."

"You make me feel old," I said and she laughed.

"We are timeless. Old as the world. What do you want from a mortal? His lifetime is just a bat of our eyes."

Anteros stood now beside me and took my hand. I felt the wound burning on my shoulder where the oil of Demetrios' lamp had touched it. It was an intensive burn, and stronger than this little spot should cause. I felt darkness around me, clouds passed my eyes and I shook my head unwillingly. Anteros pressed my hands and mother gave me one of her relentless looks.

"It is sealed." I heard her saying from a distance. "Anteros is the opposite love. He's destined to punish those who do not return love of others." Her blue eyes grew large.

"But I do return love", I said weakly and with a tremble in my voice. "I do return. I love him."

Anteros laughed nastily. "It doesn't count because you wounded yourself with your arrow. It's fate, you said. I call it doom." He grinned and dug his fingernails into my flesh. "I know a cure."

"Pothos. Himerus". My mother clapped her hands and instantly two figures appeared behind her out of the blue. Two beautiful creatures with translucent clothes, the faces blurred so I couldn't see them, always seeming to change their appearance, turning from female into male or both together. I knew they were my mother's followers called Longing and Desire. On a silent sign both took Anteros in between them and merged with him. I blinked. Anteros' face swam in a sea of instability, a haze was hiding it for moments until he looked at me with Demetrios' black eyes. He was naked and wrapped a black ringlet of his hair around his finger, just like Demetrios had done. He smiled and outstretched his hand. Aphrodite pressed her hand upon my shoulder and I fell into a blissful unconsciousness.

Eos lit the earth to another day of torture. My feet were sore in my sandals and even Hermes' ears - my trustful canine companion - were dropped.

When I had awoke on that fatal morning, Eros' palace had gone; I had found myself lying in the open field not far from my father's town. But I couldn't go back. I had lost everything I loved just because of my untruthfulness and curiosity. I thought with hate of my sister who was the cause for my great grief. My feet stopped. Was she indeed? What if the gods had played a trick on me?

Finally I shrugged my shoulders and went on, over stony hills where only the winds were my company, the steady winds, stones and sparse herbs and berries. I had to find my lover to beg him on my knees to forgive me. When I passed villages, Hermes stole for me occasionally a chicken or some eggs, a loaf of bread and I survived. I passed towns I've never had heard of and noticed strange things. People seemed to be in uproar, in constant war with themselves, little children were left on their own, crying for hunger, lovers and friends abandoned each other, disgusted to show any sign of attention.

"Eros has left us," I heard them moaning. "Eros the love. Now there's only left deceit, delusion, violence, discord, blame, mockery, terror and vengeance."

With shame I thought about my crime of wounding him so much that he was lying ill in his chamber not able to bring joy to the world. Casting my eyes to a lofty mountain having on its brow a magnificent temple I sighed and directed my steps there. With discomfort I recognized it was Aphrodite's temple, now decorated with flowers and sweet smelling oils, with plates of food and bowls with wine. Though hungry I didn't dare to have a taste of all these titbits, but instead stood and stared into the goddess marble eyes. Not knowing what I was doing I mumbled a prayer to her son - my beloved Eros - before my eyes closed in sleepiness and I sank to the marble steps, Hermes' head in my lap, and started to dream.

Anxiety and Grief tortured me with their ugly faces. They were two old women bent over me, their dried lips muttered incessantly words of pain from which I only understood the word Eros. Eros was gone to the Underworld, drinking from Lethe, the river of forgetfulness to be reborn again. They showed me how he walked there over the fields of Elysium, playing in the soft grass, plucking flowers and putting them behind the ear of another youth with black locks and dark eyes - a spitting image of me - before their lips found each other in a fiery kiss, which let them roll in the grass of no colour, naked and finally united. "You are the reason Eros left the world to forget your unfaithfulness", they told me, punishing my body with sharp nails and flaming fingertips.

With a jolt I awoke. My eyes focused on heavenly blue curtains, fluttering in a low breeze. I was lying upon a bed between clouds and as I bent down I could see mountains and wood, villages and people down below me.

"This is your task." I heard a voice filling the air. "Go to Underworld and ask Queen Persephone to release my son from his forgetfulness. The earth needs him."

Hermes at my feet started to whimper. Go to Underworld?

"How?" I asked but there was no answer.

"Find out yourself", the voice droned then. A wind was carrying me and Hermes down to the ground, near a village where I saw a high stony tower.

"Do you think the most direct way to Underworld is to jump from this tower for only death people can reach it?" I asked my animal companion. He led the way up to the many steps high above and just as I stood there motionless, the wind tousled my hair and billowed my torn chiton I heard him. A lovely voice, firm and male, a singsong like Apollo's Kythera. I felt touched by the belt and held back while the silhouette of a face appeared in the air before me. A face with golden skin and golden eyes, crowned by a garland of laurel: Apollo himself.

"Do not, Demetrios", he said. "There are other ways to reach Hades' realm. I will show you. You mustn't be afraid," his voice sang, honey filled like the voice of Orpheus. "Go to Taenarum in southern Greece taking with you two pieces of barley bread soaked in honey and two coins. Do not feel pity for anybody in the Underworld and never grant the requests of the dead, for pity is strictly forbidden in that world."

There was a touch on my cheek and the golden eyes sent beams from his to mine. Then he was gone. Hermes barked and panted and as I looked down I saw a cloth on the ground on which two pieces of bread lay together with two coins of pure gold and oiled paper to protect both. I took it and knotted it neatly together. Then I sent a silent prayer to the gods and left the town towards south.

The light was tenuous, as if everything would be seen through a thin black veil but our eyes had adjusted so long a time ago. We were surrounded by phantoms their souls had slipped away like a dream. When we were tired of making love we listened to the songs of Orpheus and to Musaeus' poems. We watched Achilles' pretended fights with his old enemy Hector, now best friends for they had forgotten everything.

We lived in groves and made our beds on river-banks and wandered in luminous plains and green valleys. Anteros joined me everywhere, it was a life of eternal joy and passion, although sometimes he left me alone to bring me more water of the river of forgetfulness. The wound on my shoulder healed only slowly but with each new day I forgot more and more the cause of it.

Infertile willows and frail alders and poplars where mists crept around the stems. A deceptive silence. The ground was unstable and muddy. From the distance I heard water. A great expanse of water, broad as an ocean and dark as the Tartarus. I tied Hermes to the branch of a bare tree and patted him a last time. I didn't want him to go with me to this dangerous place. Then I went on, my heart pounding in my throat. My sandals stuck in the squeaky sludge and I sank into it over my knees.

To the left the dead forest opened and the hissing waters of Acheron emptied into the bog. I was dragged with it until the river vanished into a cave of the mountains. The waters of woe and moaning echoed in my ears like people being in great pain and the stony walls above and beside me redoubled the effects. The cave grew broader and now there appeared a small strip of stone and sand on both sides. I still clutched my little package of bread and coins safely in the oiled paper.

Then a loud scream made me jump and freeze to the ground. There was a pressure on my head like somebody wanted to squash it and a sickness crept into my stomach. The temperature was rising; I coughed and panted for air and it took a long time before I could go on towards the blinding light in the distance. A door of light. It was a cold light and I shivered now, soaked with water, standing in front of it. I stretched out my hand and something pulled me through it. A pain jolted through my body and I was blind. Blind as in the nights I shared with Eros. The memories of our shared passion refilled me with strength. I had to save him.

Determined I made a step forward out of the light into twilight. Dark figures rose and swayed up and down.The river which had led me into the entrance of Hades' realm made a sharp bend and vanished in darkness. My eyes adjusted slowly. Next to me I could make out some strange dwellings, the air was thick with sweetness which caused nausea. Far in the distance I saw the glittering range of other rivers; surely Styx and Acheron, the rivers I had to cross.

But there was a cough beside me. Startled I looked up and realized a shadow. More shadows behind that one: wan, spindly with spots in their fish-white cheeks, toothless and sweaty from fever they raised their hands to me. I stepped quickly aside and escaped the Diseases to stumble into a skinny old man with sunken eyes and long, thin hair covering his feet. He stared upon a Klepshydra, the hour glass made from water. With a tremulous voice he counted the drops like the seconds of his life left over. It was Old Age and his neighbour was Fear: a woman with widely torn open eyes and mouth in an eternal soundless cry.

I tried to avoid all of those gruesome creatures until I met Anxiety and Grief again - those old women I had met before in my dream. They ruffled their grey, tousled hair in despair and beckoned me to follow. But another figure stood in their way: Fames, the goddess of Hunger.

She bent over me and blew at me with stinking breath. I heard a hiss which formed the word EAT and I was overwhelmed by such a hungry feeling that I started to nibble at my finger bones. Fames shrieked in pleasure and showed me the rest of her scorbutic teeth. My bowels began to grumble, until I remembered the bread I had in my little parcel. I began to undo it but just as I wanted to dig my teeth into them, a light brown, furry bundle jumped up and snatched the package. I stared dumbfounded at my empty hands and saw Hermes in the distance, wagging his tail and giving me a challenging look. I broke free from all the creatures surrounding me and jumped after my dog, realizing that he had just saved me. I bent down, patted him and took the bundle. I was glad he had come and together we marched on.

There was no sound while we followed the path. Gloomy silence hung in the air, no stars, no moon, no sun, just twilight. Poisonous yew trees guarded our way and the ground was dusty. The next we saw was an elm tree, covered with pearls and a diamond crown. A mirror was hanging from a branch and a bag full of gold. The False Dreams we cling to.

Without warning there was mist. The mist the lazy Styx was breathing, the river by whom the gods are swearing. Silence was broken as I saw silhouettes lamenting at the banks of Cocytus, unburied souls waiting for redemption. Their tears filled the waters, so that it swelled from time to time. I saw the hideous serpent's body of Fraud rearing her hypocritically gentle face out of the water. I shivered.

There it was: the Stygian Marsh where all the rivers of Hades merged together, from left the rivers of fire and death laments and from right the rivers of woe and hate. I seemed to be the only one who wanted entrance so I waved Charon the sinister ferryman who sailed instantly from the other side of the march in his small barge. Hermes began to growl and I hushed him, but my hairs stood on end. Charon wore a long, filthy coat of undefinable colour, his hair dark and greasy and a pair of coal eyes gleamed between the strands. Silently he outstretched his bony hand. I gave him one of my golden coins which vanished like a flash into one of his dirty pockets. Hermes jumped after me into the barge and without a word we crossed the foggy water. It seethed where the fire met the glacial.

Cries hung in the air when we arrived on the other shore. Cries and a roar I've never had heard before. Three heads of indescribable ugliness shot out of a cave, sprinkled venom and slaver. Hermes barked like mad and I held him by his neck. Cerberus, the hellish hound was there, his snout wide, bloody and armed with sharp tusks. I threw him one of the honey soaked breads and he was instantly quiet.

I wiped my sweating forehead and walked on. When the mists of Styx were lifting I detected a figure kneeling at the river bank, staring absentmindedly into it. One of his hands hovered over the surface. He was of outstanding beauty but pale as a shadow, his golden hair lacklustre but perhaps it was just the twilight. He bent his face over the water as if to kiss his mirror image and I knew who he was.

"Narcissus?" I whispered. They were the first words I had spoken since I had entered the Underworld.

"Yes?" he whispered back without lifting his head.

"How are you?" I asked foolishly and he turned his look in my direction, unwillingly me seemed.

"You are still staring into the water, searching for your own?"

Hermes had approached him and was sniffing at his bare ankles. Narcissus stroked him behind his ears but no strand of hair was moving. He couldn't touch him for he was just a ghost.

"It is foolish to imagine that a man old enough to fall in love is unable to distinguish a man from a man's reflection."

"It's not me I'm searching for", Narcissus told me in a barely audible voice. "It's my brother exactly alike in appearance. I loved him and when he was taken from me I used to go to the spring, knowing it was my reflection that I saw. But I found relief because it reminded me of my dead brother."

"And you still do now", I said. "But he must be here with you."

Narcissus sadly shook his head. "He is lost. His body never found, hence unburied." Suddenly he rose to full height and stared directly at me. "You must have seen him, down at Cocytus where the unburied souls weep forever and wait for a funeral", he asked excitedly. "Please, do me a favour. When you have returned to upperworld, go and search for him and give him a funeral. Then he will join me here." His eyes were burning, the only living part of his body. But how could I do this?

Startled I tried to nod and to shake my head all at once. Apollo had told me not to show any pity to those of the Underworld. "I don't know, I'm not sure..." but barely outspoken I remembered Eros, my divine lover and his knowing of the world. He must know where to find Narcissus' brother. With lighter heart I said "I will follow your request", and Narcissus kneeled down again, staring into the waters.

I watched him for a while but then Hermes tugged at my tunic and I went on out to the Asphodel fields. Hermes led the way, sniffling and jumping as if he would be hunting a partridge. He wasn't upset by the shadowy figures we passed, those who were consumed by unhappy love or those who had been condemned to death on a false charge. He barked at a little grove of trees. Harpies stretched out their grey, mighty pinions, shook their feathery-bodies and grimaced their ugly female faces. I saw people hanging twisted between the branches and knew they were the ones who had killed themselves.

Quickly I left this unhappy place, Hermes at my heels. I was scared to death, hungry and thirsty and longed to see sunlight again. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. Ask Queen Persephone to relent on my beloved? But why was he here actually?

From the distance I saw the iron doors guarding Hades' Palace, saw the multi-headed Hydra from Lerna, the Chimera and Gorgons and all my bravery sank. How could I suppose I would be allowed to enter? How should I pass all those gruesome brutes? I stood and waited until I felt Hermes once more tugging on my tunic. He led me the way right and paid Hades' Palace no attention. Glad he had made the decision for me, I followed and passed a thick fume, hiding my view. I was dazed when I was able to see again. Sunlight flooded through a charming landscape; a fruity smell hung in the balmy air, orange trees and spicy laurel, myrtle and rosemary but the colours were pale, as if everything was seen through a thin black vail.

A stream of crystal clear water lapped against groves and meadows. I saw people in snow-white chitons and chlamys walking alone or in groups, playing games, singing or listening to music and poems.

Hermes howled for pleasure but was careful not to get in touch with the water of the stream. I wondered about that; he must have been as thirsty as myself.

I waded through the shallow water to the other side, always keeping a lookout for a sign of Eros. Suddenly I shuddered; the stream I just had crossed must have been Lethe, the river of forgetfulness. And if Eros had drank enough of it he would had forgotten everything: me and his love for me. Soon he would be ready to go to Upperworld again, without me.

And then I saw him, as I turned a corner, deeply hidden under a shady tree. But he wasn't alone. His body was contorted with another ones; his long, erect member vanished in the mouth of a youth with black ringlets, naked, the hands embraced Eros' lovely butt cheeks and the expression on Eros' face made me sick.

All of a sudden my lover's playmate opened his eyes and directed it fully at me. I gasped. They were MY eyes, my mouth, my nose and black ringlets. The mouth released Eros' cock and started to grin, but I was now surrounded by a crowd of people, asking me with clear voices if I was new here to the Elysium Fields. They stroked my cheeks, raked through my hair and undressed me to give me a clean white chiton with a longer chlamys.

"Who is the pair there under the orange tree?" I croaked.

"What pair?" they asked astonished. Hermes gasped and nibbled at Eros' fingers and he started to smile. "Hermes", I heard him whisper in pleasure, "old friend."

"Those." I pointed to him.

"There is nobody", they told me.

"Nobody?" I repeated.

"Nobody. Come with us. There is a theatre performance starting soon."

But I resisted, my eyes fastened on the young man, who was my spitting image. His eyes were still staring into mine while he had returned his attention to Eros' body, licking his balls and stroking his orifice.

And I let it happen, unable to move a finger, heard Eros moan indistinct words as he relieved himself, the young man drinking his white fluid. Again he gazed at me, his lips twisted to a wicked grin.

He groped beside him for a little cup and held it to Eros' lips. "Drink, my love", he said. "Very soon all your pain will be gone."

"No!" I cried, suddenly finding myself able to move. I jumped to the pair and scattered the water onto the pale grass.

"You have to stop drinking the water, Eros", I said, kneeling down beside my lover. He stared at me as if I was a ghost, not comprehending at all.

"What is happening here?" I asked the young man. "Why can nobody see you, except me?"

Eros lifted his body to a sitting position and wiped his eyes. "Who are you?" he asked me, his gaze scurrying between me and him.

"Living gods are not suppose to be here", the young man said. "But it was easier this way. But YOU have no right to be here. Go where you belong." He outstretched his hand and pointed the way across the river and into darkness behind.

"Who are you?" Eros asked me. His blue eyes were empty and he tugged at his lovers arm. "Don't talk to him, he is bad." He shook his head. The long, golden locks poured over his back. "He is ... untrustworthy."

"No, I'm not untrustworthy. I regret it bitterly. Please come back to me", I pleaded. "You must remember me. This one," I pointed to the man, my double, "is not what he seems to be. Don't you remember me?"

"But ... how?" Eros' tongue was heavy and his movements lazy. He rose to his full height and stood between us. "You look like him." he said then, not comprehending at all.

"But you remember Hermes", I said. My dog was sitting at his feet, looking expectantly up.

"Yes, Hermes. This was another time and another place. I have found true love here."

I shook my head. "But you must return! The world is fading. Love is gone." I gripped his arms. "YOU are gone."

The other man stepped in my way. "Go now. He will return when I say it's time. Go."

I dropped my head. Then, without thinking, I touched Eros' lips with my own, melted with him for a last time, drinking his breath.

Then I turned, Hermes following me.

I passed people, waving to me, beckoning me to follow them but I couldn't. I had failed my mission. If it was Eros' wish to live a shallow life, where nothing other counted than appearance and not the heart, then so be it. I knew that Eros had found a substitute in the other man - looking like me, and I thought that Narcissus - being unhappy that his beloved one was gone - led at least an honest life. He waited for the impossible to happen, knowing that it never would be.

Once more I crossed Lethe and cursed her waters. I cursed the gods and Fate until I saw the bent figure of Narcissus at the river Styx. I went to him.

"It's not possible for me to release your brother's body. The gods have left me." I kneeled beside him and stroked his hair.

"I'm sorry."

Narcissus didn't respond but I saw a single tear dropping into the water.

I threw my last bread into the gaping snout of Cerberus and asked Charon to carry me back over the waters. As in a dream where I watched myself I let everything happen. I feared no monsters dwelling at the entrance. They left me alone because they sensed I wasn't afraid.

Just as I stood, ready to leave Underworld I realized Hermes wasn't with me. I turned to see him waiting for me just a few steps apart. I blinked. He changed his appearance. His body twisted, losing his fur, his dog's face becoming human until a man was standing in front of me.

His hair was white blond, his skin gleamed and he carried a caduceus. On the heels of his soles I recognized little, golden arrows and his tunic was very short.

He smiled at me with an enchanting smile and his voice filled the whole fields. "Demetrios. The god's are always with you. You have shown true love." He outstretched his hand and I followed his invitation.

He took me and flew with me out from Underworld. My head was spinning with images. I saw the river Acheron, the infertile willows and frail alders and poplars where mists crept around the stems. I saw the ground vanishing as we flew higher and higher up to the golden sky to a palace high between puffy clouds and full of light. Gently he released me down to the marble ground, next to a spring, amidst a gathering of people of all ages, the air filled with a heavenly sound which came from Apollo's Kythera. He plucked it softly, while leaning against a pillar. He smiled at me. "I have sent you my brother Hermes to take care of you", he said. "Even the gods play tricks on themselves." He winked.

Hermes stepped beside me. "Eros didn't know it was me but you have chosen the right name. Right?"

I didn't know what to think nor what to do. This could just be a dream. I must be dead, lying in the Underworld, consumed by one of the monsters waiting for me at the entrance.

But Hermes shook his head. "No. You are not dead. Look around." His arm made an embracing movement. I saw the young Ganymede pouring a chalice full of rosy Ambrosia. "This is for you", Hermes said. "And him."

"Eros!" I gasped in bewilderment.

"Yes. It's me." He embraced me with one arm and his touch made me tremble like a leaf of a tree.

"It was your kiss... Butterfly."

"My kiss?"

"Yes. The world will be healed." Another voice was sounding. Aphrodite had dressed in her best chiton, flowers in her hair, long and golden as her son's. "Forgive a jealous mother. I've sent Anteros to the other side of the world to punish the love. It's not necessary here."

"After all this," Eros whispered into my ear, "we have a task to do."

"Another task?" I asked startled.

"Yes, Narcissus' brother." Apollo threw in. "I told you not to show any pity in Underworld. But you did, despite of all."

"But.."

"Trust not the gods," Eros smiled indulgently, then he winked. "Except me." With this he held the chalice full of Ambrosia to my mouth.

"Drink and be immortal like me."

And I drank.

END