This story involves sexual contact and male/male relationships. If this is something that you find offensive, you have no business being here and need to leave now. If you are under the age of 18 or not of legal age in your area, GET OUT. If this content is illegal in your area LEAVE.
This story is property of the author and is not to be copied or posted elsewhere without written permission of the author. All characters and plot lines are fictional. Any resemblance is strictly coincidental and should be noted as such.
BULIMIA
My breathing was hard,very hard,almost painful.A thundering pain going through my head.Lack of oxygen.I slowly closed my bloodshot eyes.Yet another day greeted me in all its glory,as the sun rays hit my eyes in the most vulgar way. "Aiden!" I heard my mother's voice yell out "Aiden,we have a dentist appointment..hurry your ass up" Oh just bloody fucking great.I forgot all about my amazing dentist.Jordan was her name,I think.She was one of the most repulsive woman I have ever met.Her fakeness drove me insane,the woman was more faux than than Andy Warhol.I hated,loathed,abhored and despised my dental appointments.Let's just say I had very bad teeth.Thank God my dentist was stupid enough not to know what caused all those cavities.I always felt the pain,no matter how many shots I got,I always felt it.The drilling,the burning of my tooth,just thinking about it made tears come into my eyes. "Aiden!!!!" Oh,fuck you...I thought to myself.I got up and looked into the mirror.What I saw disgusted me so much I wanted to die right there and then.My mom stormed into my room while I was still looking at the pathetic image of myself in the mirror. "Aiden ,baby, I overslept..and my boss just called me,I have to go to work.I don't want you taking the bus so I called Gary to pick you up and take you to see Jordan.. breakfast is on the table". With that she ran off leaving me still looking into the mirror.Fuck Gary,I thought to myself.He's so annoying.He's only trying to be nice to me to get into her pants..is she so blinded that she cannot see that?I slowly made my way downstairs.I saw some fried eggs and bacon on the table.I snickered at her stupidity.I went to the fridge and took almost everything out.Bred,avocado,cake,Icecream...everything that was humanly possible.I took it all out and started munching on this and that.I ate half of the ice cream..then devoured 4 pieces of bread then drank some milk and then ate the eggs and bacon.I stuffed myself with some of the cake and I continued eating until I felt awfully fucking disgusted with myself.I didn't bother going to the restroom,I puked into the kitchen sink.I threw up everything and more.I laughed at the image of my poor mother just a few months ago trying to figure out what caused all those bloody cavities.I laughed though I had tears streaming down my face.Throwing up was never a pleasure,all though after it I felt a little more cheery.But it always came back to the same point: me looking into the mirror and feeling repulsed with what I saw.I wasn't fat,actually I was far from it.That's what everyone told me at least,but what I saw in the mirror told me otherwise.I saw the fat coming out of my pants.I had like 5 fucking love handles,I was so disgusted with my image.I really didn't understand why all those stupid girls wanted to go out with me.Were they insane?Didn't they see what I saw when I looked at myself?Just as I was doing some more self loathing I heard a knock on the door.Fucking Gary,I thought to myself.I just went to my room and started looking through my wardrobe.Hmmm,what shall I wear today?I really want Cal to notice me today.Ah you're probably wondering who Cal is.Cal ,my dear friends ,is the love of my life.Unfulfilled I might say,why would he ever fall in love with an ugly fat kid, when he had even more stupid little gooses than me, throwing themselves at him.knock knockOh God is he still trying.Go away Gary,I won't answer. "Aiden..Aiden I know you're in there".Oh yes I'm sure you do..go fuck yourself.Just then I tuned out.My thoughts went to Cal.Cal was the only thing that kept me alive.His beautiful green eyes,his amazing pitch black hair and tan face.His jock body,and his lips.Thinking about him always gave me butterflies.Thinking about him made me very happy.I wanted to be pretty for him.I wanted him to notice me so bad.But who was I kidding?Out of all the people that would fucking die to even touch him why would he possibly choose the fat ,apathetic to everything,ugly like hell kid?And so my daily "wallowing in depression" cycle started.It was a ritual.I made myself believe that I was fat and ugly,yeah that's how much self esteem I had.Anyway..after choosing my outfit for the day off I was to school my friends.My means of transportation was my best friend's mother.Tommy boy,my best friend,lived almost next door,and everyday I would walk to his house and then his mom would drop us off.I always liked his mother.She wasn't modern or beautiful or interesting,like my mother.She was just a very simple uniquring mother who held a simple household and who had a nice simple husband.And that's what I liked her for.She was never fake,and she always knew how to handle weird and tough situations,unlike my mother who would freak out and start crying.She never asked unimportant,time wasting questions.She always made her point clear and straightforward.I always told Tommy boy that he had the best mother in the world,and he would just looked at me amused and say "Dude,if I could trade her for yours I'd do it in a heartbeat".Tommy boy was the only person who's always stuck by me.Through all my sarcastic remarks.Through all my bitchiness and through all my mental breakdowns.He was always there,maybe he didn't always have the best advice,but I could always count on him. As we slowly made our way into school my depression kicked in.Seeing all those people,they all seemed to fit in,all but me.I was the only outsider.I was so disgusted with myself.I cast my eyes downwards and made my way into the class.No,I never used my locker,I don't think I've ever even opened it.I just wanted to get out of school as soon as I got in.My first class was Calculus.I loathed it,I usually slept through it.I kinda felt ashamed for doing that because my father was a famous mathematician from what I've heard.They said he had so many ambitions,so many dreams.He wanted to teach mathematics at Princeton,but they rejected him[for some unknown to me reason].After that he fell into heavy drinking.From what I remember of him he always blabbed on about mathematics..about this formula and that game theory and he talked about Nash too.He talked about relating to Nash a great deal.I didn't care.I didn't want to hear it.Math was always more important to him than I was.I was begging for attention, but I got none.Finally he just became an obscene 36 year old alcoholic, and Grace,my mother,kicked him out.I haven't seen him since then,haven't spoken to, or of, him.Grace never mentions him.Anyway..back to my math class.It was such a bore I immediately fell asleep.I woke up to the sound of the bell.I didn't even bother to write down my homework,it's not like I was going to do it anyway..so why bother.I was just going to make my way out of the room when Mr.Firolli called out my name. "Yes?" I answered. "Come here boy,I want to talk to you for a second".I made my way over to his desk.Just great,I thought,the old geezer finally noticed that I've been sleeping through each and every one of his boring to death classes. "Well young man..." Oh just get to the point you old fart"you look nothing like your father" that certainly got my attention "Excuse me sir?" "Oh yes,I knew your father quite well" "You did sir?" I asked dumbly "Yes,I did.You're nothing like him.He had a bright mind..could solve any problem in his head.You can't even solve a simple inequality." He said bitterly throwing one of my failed tests in my face. "I had such great hopes for you,young man." He said licking his old lips and looking out of the window while I stood there with my jaw gaping and a bewildered facial expression.This was certainly not how I usually saw Mr.Firolli."You bring shame to your last name Aiden,shame.I remember how excited I was when I finally found out that you were going to be in my class.You don't know how hard I've worked to get you in here.With all your other failed classes that you were supposed to make up.I had to literally beg the head of this school to let you into my honors class.And then you show up,with your pathetic attitude and zero math skills.You sleep through all of my classes and think that I don't notice.You copy off Tommy on every test and think that I don't notice.You steal my pencils and think that I don't notice"Okay I certainly thought he didn't notice that one.Now I was bright red."So I went through all that trouble for what?To have you failing my class?"He was apparently awaiting an answer but I just couldn't really give him one.In the far off distance I heard the sound of the bell signaling 2nd period."That poor mother of yours"he went on"I knew she wouldn't be able to raise a boy by herself,she's such a delicate soul.And what should I say to your father 'I'm sorry Henry,but your son is such a talentless piece of nothing that I have to fail him'". "Wait sir..you still talk to my father?" "Of course I still talk to your father.He talks of you quite alot young man.He's doing way better now..joined AA ." Well that certainly came as a surprise.My father talked about me.I didn't think my father even remembered my name anymore."But anyway..get out of here now.here I'll give you a pass" "But sir.." "Don't sir me..I'll see about your grade.And about your father,well you'll find out soon enough.Now get out.I have a class waiting outside". Nice start of the day,I thought.And what did he mean by saying that I'll find out soon enough?Ah fuck it,his old blabbing couldn't be more meaningless. The rest of the day was pretty much uneventful.I went to puke out my guts after lunch and then on to my last two periods.Cal wasn't at school,I heard from Tommy boy that he was very sick.Aww my poor baby,how I'd like to be there for him.But that will never be,no.He will never like some fat ugly kid.No way.As I entered my house I found my mom in the kitchen with a furious expression on her face. "Aiden Julien Moffitt!" [ what kind of a fucking last name was that anyway?] "Am I sentenced to life in Siberia?" I sarcastically asked while going up the stairs. "Oh don't you walk away from me you unreasonable person.Why didn't you go to the dentist with Gary?" "Well when you left I felt really sick so I decided to go back to sleep.When I woke up it was already time for school.You should be happy that I even decided to go to school,I felt really ill" "You expect me to believe that!Gary told me he spent half of the morning standing here knocking on the door and yelling out your name..and you expect me to believe that you just didn't hear" "Believe what you want" "Not in this tone of voice young man.You're grounded." "For what!?"I asked outraged "For talking back.Aiden.." "Whatever.Just get out.I don't wanna see you" "No,baby don't talk to me like that.Aiden tell me what's going on".She was on the verge of tears,oh how I hated her. "LEAVE!"I yelled.She looked at me with those frightened watery eyes,shook her head and slowly left.I opened my backpack.I took out all of my supplies: chocolate muffins,chicken,cheesecake ,chips,coke etc.I remember the salesman looking at me weird and then me explaining to him that I was going to have a birthday party.I laughed at my own pathetic lie.I started unwrapping everything and eating it all.Piece by piece,bite by bite.When there was almost nothing left on my bed I looked into the mirror and what I saw made me shiver with disgust.I saw an ugly fat kid who just added like fucking another 100 pounds to his weight.I ran to the bathroom with the speed of light and put 2 fingers inside my mouth,until everything came back out.Everything and more.Then I changed my clothes without bothering to wash myself.I was so repulsed with myself that I didn't even care how I smelled or looked anymore.I made my way downstairs.My mom was in the kitchen again.She was making dinner. "Honey"she said and my stomach turned at the pathetic sound of her voice "have some dinner.You look so thin,I think you've lost weight again." Was she fucking insane..lost weight.I was the fattest fucking thing around.Lost weight,I fucking wish. "I'm not hungry"I murmured. "Baby,I just wanted to tell you that you're not grounded anymore.I didn't mean that.I'm just very worried about you honey." "There's nothing to worry about mom,I'm fine" "Aiden sweetheart.." "MOM!I said there is nothing to worry about.Now just shut up already." I took a jacket and left.I was so sick of her babysitting me.I was 16 for fucks sake.I didn't understand why she had the constant urge to make me feel like a little kid.While thinking that, I found myself sitting in the park,watching people taking their dogs out for an evening walk.Some people were short,some fat,some skinny,some tall.But I felt like I was the fattest and ugliest one of them.I felt like the universe was ashamed of me.As I was sitting on some bench full of bird shit everywhere I noticed a little kiosk a few feet away to my right.The windows were closed and smeared with drops of rain.It was drizzling by then.I saw my reflection in the window.I must have been having a moment of closure because what I saw was not what I usually see.I saw a skinny face,bones almost sticking out.I saw tired blue eyes.Dyed black hair slightly falling on my face.Bangs.I saw eyebrows.I saw lips.They weren't your usual lips.They were very curiously shaped.They weren't big,but they weren't small either.I saw what some of those stupid girls must have seen.I saw a pretty face.Well I didn't actually think it was pretty back then,that's certainly not a word I had in vocabulary for myself,but that's probably the closest word I could find for describing this overwhelming feeling I got, from looking at myself in that rain stained window.