Previously...
[Flashback] To Lou's House many many years ago...
"P-p-promise?" Nick swallowed his tears long enough to look at the outline of Brian's face in the dark.
"Promise." Brian whispered as he leaned in to kiss Nick on his lips.
[End of flashback] *******************************************************
"I love y'all too. You fans have been the greatest!" Nick wiped his tears with the back of his hands, while one by one the other Backstreet Boys came over to hug him. One by one, except for Brian who was still feeling guilty for what had happened.
After the song, they all bowed, one by one starting with kevin down the line to Nick. The crowd cheered their hearts and love to the group, their voice singing together in a collective note of love and loss for the five boyz they have all grown to love for these past 6 years.
End of part 3
------------------------------------------------------- Disclaimers: This is a work of fiction and nothin' else. It is rated PG-13. All the events of the story are fiction and does not necessarily reflect the lives led of the parties involved. Enjoy -------------------------------------------------------
BSB HA Book 2: Hearts in Harmony 4 "A Step Back, and Two Steps Forward."
Nick Carter, now 21, sat blurry eyed in the passenger seat of the jet black Lincoln Continental. Tonight had been a turning point in his life. He couldn't help but feel claustrophobic sitting behind his seat belt headed for home, this time for good.
When he had walked out on stage tonight in that arena, he knew that the transition to his new life would be difficult. However, the hardest part has been dealt with already; saying goodbye to the extended family he had practically known for the most part of his life. He had faught back the tears that had washed over his soul as he said farewell to all of his family, the dancers, the band, everyone...everyone except for the one man that had meant so much to him in his life: his best friend Brian.
Up until these last few days, Brian had been the main focal point of Nick's life. Now he knew that was a mistake. He realised now that what he felt for Brian was nothing more but an illusion, a dream. A mirage of unending sorrow and despair. They were never meant to be together from day one. ******************************************************* [Flashback]
"Promise." Brian whispered as he leaned in and kissed Nick on his lips.
Nick's mind became a blur when Brian's soft tender lips brushed his young bow. He couldn't believe what was happening, only a minute ago he was crying his heart out afraid of being different. But this! This was the most amazing thing that has ever happened to him in his entire young life! He was so happy that he wasn't alone. He wasn't going to be alone anymore. Now with Brian in his life.
"I promise." Brian's smile beamed down on Nick like the rays of the sun itself. Earlier Nick could barely make out Brian's silhouette in the dark, but now -- now after that kiss -- everything was clear as day.
"Brian, I..." Nick tried to lean up to Brian to return the kiss, but the other stopped him with a gentle finger.
"No, not yet. Let us see how everything pans out, kay?" Brian kissed Nick gently on the top of his head and got up from the bed. "We will keep this as our secret, just you and me. I'll see you later." Brian winked at him and walked out of the room.
Nick's mind was reeling, never did he expect that any of the other guys were...were...were like him at all. They had all sat around checking out women dancers all day long, but Brian...Brian was like a beacon of warmth and comfort, he had never felt this close to anyone at all before this. Being the oldest of his siblings, he had always been the strongest and the one to turn to. Now, now he had someone too....
[End of Flashback] *******************************************************
The Lincoln slowly pulled up the driveway of his private sea-front estate...
"Here we are, Nicky." John, turned and smiled at him -- the first time, Nick thought, that ever happened -- and got out of the car.
Nick snickered, tickled almost to death at the sudden friendly attitude of his long time bodyguard. Nick carefully undid his seat belt, as he heard John pop the trunk and unloaded his things.
"Well, I guess you won't have to put up with my antics anymore, John." Nick smiled waveringly not knowing how the other was really going to react. He had played so many pranks on John, he wouldn't be surprised if John did something now to finally get back at him after all this time.
"I guess." John winked at Nick and cocked a half smile over the blonde's way. "So, you want me to just leave these here?" John motioned towards Nick's worldly belongings.
"Oh, sorry. Let me get the door." Nick pulled out his keys and hurried towards the front door while John's surprisingly gentle laughter echoed over the silence. "Sorry, 'bout that." Nick held the door open for the tall, long haired bodyguard, who didn't even appear to struggle under the countless bags of Nick's belongings.
For a few minutes, the two went on in silence, walking back and forth taking more of Nick's worldly belongings into the house now that he wouldn't be needing it with the Backstreet Boys.
"Well, that's that." John slammed the trunk shut and turned to face Nick.
Nick wasn't sure what to do, the site of John with his huge hands in his pockets and rocking on his heels was very, Nick almost wanted to say disturbing -- but even that was an understatement.
John laughed warmly into the night, he finally noticed the uneasiness of the other. "You know, I'm really gonna miss all your antics with the group." John's face sobbered a little to a gentle, almost regretful, smile.
"Um...I'll miss you too, big guy." Nick slapped the other on the back, still unsure of what to do.
"Nick, I...I'm really sorry about how everything didn't turn out too good for ya over the last couple of years." That line took Nick by surprise. True, John had known of Nick's sexual orientation, how could he not, he was Nick's protection all those years.
"John, I...?" Nick was more confused now of the other's intentions.
"It's alright, kiddo." John sighed, looked up at the full moon. "Must be the moon." John said before starting to walk back to the car's driver side. "I was kinda rootin' for ya both too." John smiled this time, Nick realized that it was neither gentle nor regretful: it was all sadness. For what? He was finally got an idea.
"John, you wanna...you wanna come in for a second?" Nick realised now that he hadn't suffered alone through those months of emotional hell. Now that he thought about it, John always seemed to have been there whenever Nick needed someone.
John thought about it for a second, and walked back around to where Nick was standing.
"I'm sorry, but I can't tonight." John shrugged helplessly. "With the band leaving tomorrow morning and all, you know how that goes."
"Oh...yeah." Nick couldn't help but feel a little crestfallen.
"But, hey, if you ever need anything I can help you with, anything at all, why don't ya give me a ring?" John nudged Nick in the ribs. "Let's call it a raincheck?"
"Sure." That made Nick a little bit happy. At least he now had one friend he can talk to about the outside world. Now that he's no longer with the Backstreet Boys.
John did another thing that Nick hadn't expected, not now, not ever; John stepped up and gave Nick a strong brotherly hug. "Well, I better get going now, eh?" John said putting Nick back down on the ground. "You take care of yourself now." John winked again at Nick and disappeared behind the wheel of the massive sedan.
Nick waved goodbye and moved out of the way of the car.
"Hey Nick," John rolled his window down and stuck his head out. "Um, don't tell Burk about our little tete-a-tete, I'll never hear the end of it!" John laughed and waved goodbye for the last time as he sped out of Nick's driveway.
Nick sighed and walked back to his home alone.
"Hey, Nick! It's Aaron. I hope you have a great weekend, bra. Wish I was there with you right now, Mike's having a seizure here now that you're gone. hehe." Aaron's honeyed voiced poured out of the answering machine. "Angel and BJ says hi. Mom's still surprised of your decision also. Well, I gotta go now. See ya later, Nicky!"
{Click}
Nick sighed again and stomped up the stairs to his room, at the same time removing all his clothing with each step he took. "Well, house, it's just you and me now." Nick raised his voice, spreading his arms in surrender to the empty feeling in his heart. *******************************************************
Nick laid in his bed, gazing blankly at the ceiling of his room. He counted the tiles wearily until he lost count and had to start all over again.
Nick recounted the days since the day he first met Brandon. Their first encounter played over and over again in his mind until he himself seemed to have been transported back to 1999.
{daydream}
"Hey there."
"Go away." Nick sobbed barely audible over his shaky breathing.
"Aw come on, I saw what happened. Louis ain't gonna give you anything. You're too young."
Wiping tears away from his eyes, Nick slowly turned to the other man.
Much to his surprise, the voice hadn't belonged to a man at all. He sat staring past blurred vision at a face of a young man who was barely even older than Nick was himself.
"Here, drink this." The other boy offered him a clear water bottle. "It'll help a bit"
Nick, desperate to be left alone, acquiesced wearily hoping that HE would go away if he did take a drink.
"What is that?!?" Having never really had any thing close to alcohol to drink before, Nick spouted like a fountain spraying the liquid everywhere.
"Peppermint schnops." The other beamed mischievously. "I'm Brandon, btw."
Nick turned to face the other boy, vision clearing a bit. "Nick."
"Hey Nick. Well we better get out of here before Big Louis comes back. I already got a warning tonight." Brandon chuckled softly.
Nick squinted trying to understand this person. There he sat obviously nowhere near 21, close cropped dark hair, clear complexion, thin growing goatee, a bit shorter than Nick, and laughing softly at a hidden joke.
"Here he comes. Come on let's go!" Brandon hopped off the bar stool and made for the door taking a handful of peanuts with him. "For the road!" He winked at Nick still smiling before bolting.
{End of day dream}
Nick smiled, that was one of the best decisions he ever made in his life.
"Well it had better damned be."
Nick gasped at the sound of the voice. The world spun around him as he got up off the soft moist blades of grass.
"Careful, you don't want to disturb the others." That mischievous voice once again sounded out of the thinning mist around Nick.
'Where am I?' Nick thought. But when he had thought it, Nick was forced to his knees clasping his ears when his thoughts had come out like someone had screamed them out loud.
"Whoa, careful what you think here, babe." The owner of the voice finally took shape as the mist started to part.
"BRANDON!" Nick gasped again, forgetting himself totally.
Nick made Brandon out standing at the other end of a crowded club.
"Brandon, wait!" Nick frantically tried to make his way to the other man. 'Wait!' Nick squeezed through groups of people, he apologized all the while.
Brandon hadn't seem to hear him, or was just ignoring him. Brandon turned and started to fight his way through the thick crowd away from Nick.
'Brandon?' Nick whimpered, turning this way and that, unsure of which way to go. He spotted Brandon again at least fifteen paces away from him. 'Brandon.' Nick gasped and headed after the other man.
'Brandon, don't leave me.' Nick cried over the the chattering of the crowd, until he finally caught up with Brandon. 'Brandon, it's me.' Nick pulled Brandon back and around to face him. 'Brandon, I....'
The other had interrupted him as a buzzer screamed insesently in the background.
'Nick, there's something I have to tell you...' Brandon trailed off, gazing deeply into Nick's pale blue windows to his soul.
'yess...' Nick leaned forward to meet the other man.
'Nick,......' Brandon's brown eyes sparkled with his deep devotion for Nick. 'Nick...wake up!' Brandon planted a big wet tongue filled kiss on Nick's ethereal lips, he slobbered all over Nick's face in an attempt to wake him up.
Slobbering?! Nick opened his eyes just in time to watch the amber gems of Brandon's eyes dissolve to the warm questioning brown eyes of his dog.
"Alright alright, I'm awake." Nick laughed as he leaned up from his bed. "I'm awake, I'm awake!" Nick's voice was a squeal of playful agony. Nick turned to his bedside table and shut off his alarm.
Nick sat on the edge of his bed and sighed. The last 2 weeks since John had dropped him off had been different, eventless and bleak, but hey, he was free!
He sighed and thought about the dream once again. He wiped a stray tear away from his eye. For 2 weeks similar dreams have visited him. The happy times and days he had spent with Brandon for what seemed like an entire lifetime away played over and over in his mind.
His wounds were still fresh enough that the many things he and Brandon used to do still brought pangs of pain in his heart. Nick sighed again and shook his head. He was free now. All the pain was behind him. If not forever, at least it was behind him for now. Today was something new and even exciting, today Nick was finally going to take a huge step into public life. Today, Nick was going to school!
"Let's see what's up for today?" Nick leaned over to his itinerary for the day while wrapping his silk robe carefully around his naked body. "Oh yeah, I got that school thing today." Nick turned to his dog with a big smile on his face, "Hey Daddy's never been this happy for school in his life!" Nick winked at his dog and ran over to the shower.
End of Part 4
------------------------------------------------------- Part 4 Done and at least 6 more to go -- I hope. Tell me what y'all think of where I'm headed with the story. I hope that I didn't disappoint anyone with this follow up to Assunder.
Anyhow, thanks for reading! Email me don't forget.
John