A few minutes later, the Brandon emerged from the jewelery store breaking the salty air of the nearby beach with his own air of devotion.
[End of Flashback] *******************************************************
In a flurry of fingers, the search was on its way. But it didn't take long before they got their results.
"Oh God no..." Kevin and Brian whispered in unison as they sat there paralized staring in disbelief at what had popped up on the monitor in response to the search for Brandon McGill and the address Scott had given them.
End of Part 9 ******************************************************* Disclaimer:This is only a work of fiction and should not be taken in any other way. The story does not necessarily reflect the personal lives of the parties involved. This is still a PG-13 Story, so please enjoy it. It is almost finished now. *******************************************************
What do you think will happen next? Is Scott going to deliver? Will Brandon still be happy to see Nick? Or has Brandon found a new love? What dark revelation did Kevin and Brian find on their search for Brandon to evoke such a grave reaction? What about Brandon's newly purchased ring? Will it finally put to rest his raging emotions? Or is there going to be a deeper, graver design behind it?
Now...the end is not near...the end, is here...
Final Chapter: Closure
[Flashback] At Nick's home...
"Nick, you can't continue this charade any longer. You are endangering the group every time you two are together." Mike pleaded. "You have had some close calls with fans. And if anything gets out about you and Brandon, everything will be ruined! Think about the other members of the group, Nick. Think about Kevin, Howie, AJ, and Brian. How will this affect their lives if the fans find out about your relationship with Brandon?"
"The guys are okay with it Mike. And so were you. What changed?" Nick was getting past confusion and into anger.
"Nick, I am not saying that you have to call it quits for good. All I am asking is that you two lay it low for a while. Just long enough for the rumours to die down a bit." Mike was starting to get desperate. Nick's mom had made it clear to him that if he wasn't going to do anything, she would. "Nick, please I'm begging you now. I am only thinking about your own future. That's really what matters here."
"So you're saying my happiness does not count? You have no idea what you are asking me!" Nick started to lose his composure. He still couldn't believe what they were asking him to do. "I can't lose Brandon. I just can't live without him, Mike. You don't know what you're asking me to do!" Tears were beginning to stream down his face. Tears of pain and defiance. "I-I I can't. Not like this. Not this way." Nick slumped in his chair torn between his love for Brandon and his love for his family and his band brothers.
"Nick, you are the one that doesn't know what you are asking. You are asking us to risk all the lives and careers of the Backstreet Boys, their families, and your family." Nick's mom interjected. "Nick, your younger brother looks up to you more than he does any body else. Lately he has started to show possible signs of being gay. Are you okay with that? Your brother will ruin his life because he thinks that it is right. Nick, if you won't think about anyone else.
Think about Aaron. Think about how everything is going to affect his life and his career if you were outed by the press. It would devastate him to see you ruined. And it would crush me too." She sat down on the leather couch next to him. "Nick, I love you, you know that. Everyone in the band and management loves you too. It would really hurt all of us to see you in pain like this. But I think it would be better for everyone, including Brandon, if you two took some time apart. You two can still communicate. Who ever said anything about you not being able to call him?"
Brian entered and asked Mike and Nick's mom to please let him have a moment to talk to Nick alone.
"Nick." Brian said softly, wrapping his arms around the trembling young blonde.
"Brian, I can't." Nick's voice came out a strained squeek of tears and sobs. "I love him, Brian. And I know he loves me too. I can't stand to be away from him...not like this, man. You understand...tell them...explain to them..." Nick broke down, burying his face into Brian's shoulders.
"Shhh...It's alright, Nick. It'll all be fine by tomorrow." Brian rubbed his friends back lovingly.
"I...I can't live alone again, Brian. I just can't anymore." Nick looked up at Brian, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Nick, you won't be alone. You'll have Aaron, your mom, Kevin...the guys...Nick, you'll have me." Brian gazed into Nick's eyes. He knew that Nick was now in his hands. "Nick, I have missed you so much these past two months. I thought that Leigh Ann, was the one for me. But the last two months, all I could think about is you. Night after night, I dream of the nights when you and I used to be together. Night after night, I envied Brandon. Knowing that you were with him, instead of me, my heart cried out in pain."
Nick's vision cleared a moment to see through Brian's.
"Brian..." Nick was speechless. Months ago he would have died to have had this opportunity. But now, Brandon had given him everything that Brian couldn't...until now.
"Nick, I know you feel the same way. Please give me another chance. Just long enough for the rumours to die down." Brian pleaded with Nick, knowing the other was just about ready to break.
"Brian...I...I can't...I love him. But...I love you too." Nick's voice was drawn tight by the sudden wave of his confused emotions.
"Nick, like your mom said, it won't be forever. Just long enough for the rumours to die down. And then you two can be back together. I know now that I can't fill Brandon's shoes for you anymore. I realised that now. But just give it a chance. I have seen Aaron checking him out before. For his sake, Nick. For mine. Let it go. Let it go...just for a while. I promise that I will be here for you when you need me."
"Brian...I don't know...I just don't know anymore..."
"Nick, all you have to do is do what your heart tells you. I know you will do the right thing. Now I'm going to tell your mom and Mike that you will think about it. But don't think too long Nick, I don't think that I will be as strong as you on this matter."
Brian quietly shut the door behind him.
"So? What will he do now?" Nick's mom whispered worriedly.
"He will do the right thing." Mike reassured her. "I know he will."
"Yeah..." Brian sighed. "The right thing..." For the first time in two months of preparing for this moment, Brian finally doubted his power over Nick. For the first time in two months, Brian finally doubted his own convictions.
[End of flashback] *******************************************************
"Guys, what's..." Nick barged into the room. He had been wanting to check out the new club that had opened recently. "What's going on? Leigh Ann, are you all right?" The mood of the room was somber. Nick felt a certain dread come over his heart, but he shook it off.
"Nick...I am so so sorry..." Leigh Ann cried and hugged him. "I was so sure...I was so..." She broke down in tears and sat back down next to Kevin.
"Nick...I don't know how to tell you this but...Kevin and I talked to Scott earlier tonight." Brian fished out the note from his pocket. "I finally found him this morning, when you went to rest up for the show...."
"Scott? Where is he? Is Brandon with him?" Nick ran to the window to look. He had to do something. He was starting to get the hint of what was going on.
"Nick, he's not out there. He gave me this. This is where he wants to meet you...tomorrow morning at 10..." Brian gently laid the note in Nick's weak trembling fingers.
Nick opened the note gingerly. His hands shook violently. His fears were waxing even now. He didn't even dare think what he had suspected. "No..." Nick's breath became a panic. "No...no...I don't believe you! You're just trying to keep us apart again! Brian you destroyed my life once already, isn't that enough for you?! Nick screamed his denial. The address, the somber tone, he knew deep in his heart what his mind had resisted. He knew now that he and Brandon will never be together...
"Nick...I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry..." Brian cried openly trying to get Nick to even look at him.
"You know what Brian. Fuck you! FUCK ALL OF YOU!" Nick screamed in Brian's face and stormed out the door, slamming the door shut behind him.
"I am so so sorry..." Brian collapsed on the floor and wept. ******************************************************* Nick was furious. He had started to understand why Brian had tried -- and succeeded -- in breaking him and Brandon apart a year ago. He had forgiven him because it had been his own fault. His own insecurities and desire for acceptance had caused for him to lose the only person that he had ever felt so in love with in his life. His own greed and foolishness had pushed him into that fake abusive relationship with Manda. It was all his fault. He climbed behind the wheel of his blazer, and he knew that he needed to drive. He didn't know to where, but he needed to get away from here. Brandon is still out there, and he was going to be damned if he was going to let anyone else ruin his relationship again. ******************************************************* [Flashback]
Nick cried all afternoon, knowing what he had to do. Tonight was his and Brandon's two month aniversary. He was so happy this morning. Brandon had made him breakfast in bed. Brandon had told him he loved him more than anything in his life. And he knew it too. But why is there this part of him that was doubting everything that was ever exchanged between him and Brandon over the last couple months? Nick wiped his tears away and looked into the mirror.
"Nick," Brandon came up behind him, wrapped his arms around Nick's waist and kissed him in the back of the neck. "Happy Aniversary, baby. What's wrong? you've been cryin?" Brandon kissed Nick's stray tears away. "Enough of that now, Brandon's here." Brandon's love burned brightly in the room. Nick knew what he had to do...
"Brandon...I..."
"Wait, I got a surprise for you. Close your eyes." Brandon interrupted him. "I promise it won't hurt." Brandon cocked his head to the side and smiled warmly at Nick.
"Brandon...I.." Despite what he was going to do now, Nick couldn't help but do as what the man he loved had asked.
"No peeking, now c'mon." Brandon quickly dragged him downstairs to the dinning room.
"Ta-da! Open your eyes!" Brandon laughed.
Nick's heart broke when he opened his eyes. The kitched was once again illuminated by candlelight and adorned with the soft velvety petals of red roses.
"Happy Anniversary, baby. Just like our first night to be truly together." Brandon kissed Nick lovingly on the lips. His lips brushed Nick's lightly, soft as the petals that was underneath their feet.
"I know I can't sing worth crap..hehe.. but here anyways..." Brandon turned the stereo on gently turning the dial on the volume. Nick's voice permeated through the candlelit room like the very essence of angels.
Brandon turned back to Nick and smiled. "I've been wanting to ask you this for so long Nick..." Brandon gracefully walked over to where Nick stood.
Nick's eyes filled with tears at what he was seeing. Even now, he knew what Brandon had planned. But he couldn't let it go on any longer. "Brandon..."
"Nick, in the last two months, you've made me the happiest man ever in this whole wide world. Nick," Brandon paused and took a deep breath, his mind still reeling with anticipation and joy and the disbelief of the happiness that he had been given in the last few months. "Nick, would you do me the honor of..."
"Brandon...I can't." Nick blurted out, tears streaming down his face. "I can't, Brandon. I'm sorry." Nick pulled his hands out of Brandon's and turned his back on the man on one knee.
"Nick..." Brandon's throat bobbed wildly in his confusion. "Nick, I-I..."
"Go...I'm sorry. But I can't." Nick's voice strained with his own tears and agony. Sharp as knives, his next words ripped through Brandon's chest and diced up his heart in so many pieces that not even the infinite amount of any King's men could ever put it back together. "Brandon, I can't stay in this relationship any more."
Tears pooled behind Brandon's lost brown eyes. He stared at Nick's back like a lost child walking alone in the deep dark woods. "Wha...what are you saying, Nick..?"
"I can't continue like this anymore Brandon. The last two months have proven to me that I am not ready for this. The hiding, the sneaking around...I can't live like this anymore. I'm sorry, Brandon. I really am."
Nick bowed and burried his face in his hands.
Despite the pain he felt ripping through his soul, Brandon couldn't dare bare let Nick see him cry. Not this way. Not like this. "If...if that is what you want..." Brandon's voice cracked with his forced back tears. He slowly got up and kissed Nick once more on the neck and started to walk out of the dinning room. "Nick, I will always love you. I wish it could be..." Brandon sighed. "I wish you the happiness that I could never have given you Nick. Good bye." Brandon bowed his head once to wipe his tears away and walked out of Nick's life forever.
[End of Flashback] ******************************************************* Nick still remembers that night vividly in his mind's eye. Tears flow fresh in his eyes everytime he thinks about that moment, when he thought that his heart would be forever be broken: and it has been. The past year and a half of his beard relationship with Mandy, has been the worst year and a half of his entire life. Nights he would cry himself to sleep nostalgic of the times when Brandon used to wrap his arms around him when he had a nightmare. He remembers the times when Brandon would sing him to sleep wrapped in his strong loving arms, spooned against his body. But that was in the past, now is the time he must face up to the biggest mistake he ever made in his entire life. Now was the time to both renew and release an old relationship. He wished that it didn't have to end like this, just as he wished on that night almost more than 18 months ago. But there was no changing the moment. Maybe, this was indeed what he needed, a closure. A closure to his past pains and sufferings. Maybe, after today, he can have a normal life again -- if he ever did have one.
Nick took a deep breath, and wept on the steering wheel. He wept for hours, he wept the moon and the stars away, he wept as the dark cloaks were withdrawn from the sky. He wept until the rosy fingers of dawn came to try and comfort him. 'Maybe today, he will have his release.' Was a message the wind seemed to whisper as they caressed the cold metallic outershell of Nick's broken heart.
Nick took another deep breath, and made that long inevitable journey to the final destination of his odyssey as fate had intended for him. ****************************************************** 9:55 a.m. Sunday
Nick pulled his blazer carefully up the gravel path. He grudgingly put on the brakes as though trying to take out his own fraustrations on the machine. He carefully wiped his tears away as he locked his door and made for the wrought iron gates. Hugging himself all the way up through the threshold of serenity, Nick took a deep breath and walked into the empty sanctuary.
Nick walked up the stone path hugging himself in the coldness of his lonely walk. Gravel crunched underneath his running shoes. The sun's rays gently lapped at grass, skin, and stone. Leaving a brightness every where around him, except within. "Scott!" Nick quietly called out to the larger man seing him for the first time sitting haunced over on the marble steps of the of the little chapel. The older man looked up through the darkened windows of his sunglasses.
Nick accelerated his pace, his heart pumping almost happily at the welcoming sight of Scott McGill, Brandon's loving older brother. "Scott, I'm so happy to see you..." Nick extended his hand for the handshake only to be met with the cold demeanor of the other.
"Follow me." The two words hit Nick like a cold front coming from the Atlantic to sweep over Florida.
The two walked in utter silence passing rows of unwavering green grass and the occasional lick of blooming flowers. Nick looked around, sighing deeply, his feet crushed the gravel beneath his sneakers. Butterflies flickered from one bloom to another, filling the air with tiny colourful angels.
"Scott I..." Nick tried to break the ackward silence when he was interupted by the other man who finally decided to talk. Nick was halted in his shoes when he saw what he thought was Brandon in the shadows. It was just another heavy hearted loner.
"Brandon wanted me to tell you that you were the first and only person he ever loved with all his heart." Scott's sudden and cold tone was like a slap in the face. "That night when you shattered his heart, he had been trying to build up the nerve to propose to you." Scott handed Nick a small jewelry case that contained the gold ring with the saphire embedded on its gleaming face. "He told me that he understood your decision, Nick. He came to me that night still madly in love with you, blaming only himself for having lost you. I hated you then Nick. I hated you more than anything in the world for breaking my brother's heart."
Tears began to form in Nick's eyes as he read the tiny note that accompanied the ring. He fumbled with the ring helplessly listening to the now teary eyed and emotional Scott. "I-I am so sorry, Scott. It wasn't my decision, I loved..."
"Save it. You broke his heart, but even then he managed to convince me to forgive you because he loved you Nick. HE LOVED YOU!" Scott finally stopped by the western wall of the lot. Scott furiously rubbed away his tears confronting Nick for the first time after so many nights of hating the other man. "He gave everything up for you Nick. EVERYTHING! I wouldn't have taken you here had he not asked me to before...before..." Scott couldn't even continue anymore.
"Before what Scott?" Nick's heart began to palpitate in his chest with a fear that had started to burn within him since this morning. Nick wasn't ready for this. He didn't believe it when Brian had tried to warn him last night, and he wasn't going to believe it now. It just can't be true...it just can't be.
"When you dumped him, Brandon was convinced that it was his own fault for being so secretive about the relationship. He was so sure of it. After a week, he came out of the closet and informed everyone about his choice for a lifestyle." Scott covered his eyes and leaned against the wall with his other hand. "My mother never forgave him for ruining our lives after that. Coming out to everyone was the last straw. She always hated him, but this was the last embarasment she was going to suffer from him." Scott suddenly turned to Nick and hurled his sunglasses away as he stepped up to Nick's face. His eyes were bloodshot from his crying. "She shot him, Nick. She shot Brandon because of you!" Scott cried barely audible beneath his own painfilled breathing and agonized sobs. But it was enough for Nick to hear. "His last words...his last words were your name, Nick." Scott gulped down his tears. "Even as I held him dying in my arms, all he could think about was his love for you."
"Scott, I didn't know..." Nick gasped, his knees turning to jello from under him.
"How could you? You never once called after you broke his heart." Scott turned and picked up his sunglasses. As the other lonely stranger made his way back into the shadows. "You got anything to say Nick, say it to him. I'd make it quick if I were you."
"Oh God..." Nick's whole body trembled as he finally realised why Scott had chosen that spot. "No, no, no, no...." Nick fell to his knees and wept beside the cold and lonely headstone. By the western wall of the cemetary, Nick wept openly against the grave in the cool shade of the willow tree.
Scott looked at Nick and sighed, "I'm sorry Nick. But never again..." Scott pulled his glasses back on and walked away from Nick with the gentle summer breeze whispering the last words of his beloved little brother for the very last time.
Brandon Phillip McGill Loving Friend and Brother He will be missed. 1981 - 1999
[Scene fades to Backstreet Boys Song from Millenium Album: I need you Tonight.]
~The End~
There you have it. The final chapter...for now at least. Email me all your thoughts at Zachstack@yahoo.com, I would really like and appreciate it to hear from y'all. I love all sorts of critism, good or bad. I welcome them all. Only makes self improvement a lot easier eh?
~J~